Sociopath With a Spellblade
by Hclegend
Summary: A typical Neptunia isekai. Guy gets hit by truck, is transported to Gamindustri, shenanigans happen. Watch a borderline alcoholic stumble his way through Gamindustri's many wonders, annoy most everyone he meets and generally fucks up anything he puts his mind to.
1. Icy Isekai

**A/N:** Well, this is a thing. Might as well preface this with the usual "This is my first Neptunia story!" type dealio. Thought this would be fun. Plus I have some ideas on how to twist the Neptunia-verse without going full on reboot. I don't have enough creativity for reboots, that's why this is a very clear self insert.

For those about to read, I salute you. And I apologise in advance.

* * *

I'm your average everyday guy. I wake up at god knows what time in the morning, drink tea and watch videos on the Internet, watch anime. The usual things.

I'm being sarcastic of course. I was a no-life NEET with more anxiety and social issues than your local school shooter. Thanks for nothing, _life._

Anyhow, I was walking through town, blasting crappy video game OST through my earphones while I wandered over to the local store in order to get alcohol. You know, like most normal people.

Unfortunately for me, I failed a spot check and walked into the road without looking both ways. Right as a truck was hauling ass.

To be fair, it was my fault. But still,screw that guy. I hope I got blood in his grill. Oh right, so I got hit by a fucking truck. I feel that's an important detail that I nearly missed.

Well I assume that's what happened anyway. One moment I'm listening to trash weeb music, the next my corpse is flying across the road while my spirit stands next to the vehicle that hit me.

Of course, that would be a bit of a shock to the system. Me, being my nihilistic, edgelord self thinking there would be no afterlife literally watching my beliefs fly off into the goddamned sunset.

And only then everything went black.

* * *

Waking up, there was only one thing on my mind. Or it could be considered inside it. Regardless, that thing was **why does my head hurt so much fuck.**

"Ugh." I belatedly mutter to nobody in particular, as I slowly open my eyes and gaze upon the whiteness in front of me.

Wait, what? I must be seeing things, I usually associate painful headaches with a night of poisoning myself with alcohol. And when I did that I always ensured I was going to be somewhere that I wouldn't be kicked out of before I passed out.

So why am I in this place full of whiteness?

The feeling of cold wetness alerted me that this white stuff was in fact, snow and that maybe I should stand up at some point. God forbid I catch a cold out here. So, I slowly brought myself to my feet and took around wherever the hell I was to see well, where the hell I was.

Using those weird eyeball things I scanned my local environment to see what was what.

Aside from the white snow, there was more white snow, even more white snow, white snow on hills, white snow falling near some mushroom shaped buildings, god even more white snow….

Wait? Mushroom shaped buildings? Civilisation? Booze?

"Hi ho, to the mushrooms!" I yelled at nobody in particular, as I set off towards this town. Maybe they'll have some good Itallian food.

The trip was surprisingly uneventful. All that happened was that I started to feel the cold. I was not prepared for actual snow, even as someone who generally lived in a colder region of the world. I'd blame global warming but honestly I think it might just be the lack of a hoodie or jacket, since all I'm wearing is a shirt.

What shirt? Nothing special, just a black t-shirt. As for the lower half of my body, it was a generic pair of genericly generic tracksuit bottoms. If you think of tracksuit bottoms, it's probably exactly what I'm wearing..

What can I say? I preferred comfort to looking nice, especially with me being… Not sociable. Ignoring that for a moment, here I was in the mushroom town and it was… Quaint.

I hadn't really been paying attention to the details of this place beforehand. Each building had a mushroom instead of a roof, but it seemed to be practical enough so questioning it wasn't really on my list of priorities. The place was bustling, yet not crowded. I grew up in a small citty and it felt the same as this place was. It was… Nostalgic. Almost homely.

I say almost because I'm standing in a constantly snowing city in just a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms and as you might imagine, stopping to reminisce on times gone by was not exactly healthy. Quickening my pace to a fast walk, I headed into the nearest building I could find that wasn't just a house. I needed to regroup my thoughts, figure out where the hell I was then find some way to survive.

* * *

As it turns out I dipped into a big, governmental-looking building, you know the kind. People in queues, some waiting chairs and plenty of pamphlets to pass the time if you didn't have a phone on you.

More importantly, this place had heating. Thank lord, I can think for a few minutes without arousing suspicion or getting hypothermia. Grabbing a random pamphlet, I sat down on one of the many chairs located in the building and began to think.

"Alright, so I have no idea where I am, aside from being in a mushroom town, I've ducked into a bank-looking place with no idea if my cash would even be accepted…"

Wait a second. I quickly checked my pockets. To my dismay, they were empty. Shit.

"Well, even if I did have money on me it would likely be denied. Looks like I'm starting from scratch."

I finally took a look at that pamphlet I picked up. It stated in all caps bold

**WELCOME TO THE GUILD! A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO QUESTING!**

Huh, this wasn't a bank then. Stlll, a guild? Some sort of group of artists? Wait, it said questing, like in an MMO? Did I get transported into a fucking RPG?

These questions would have to wait. I can question my sanity after I find out what this questing guide has to offer, because odds are it's my best chance of getting some cash. Cash helps buy basic supplies, and those help me live. Very simple.

Reading on, I won't bore you with the details. It's a basic user guide on how Questing worked in this world. Accepting, what kind of jobs people want doing, membership. The one interesting detail is registering. You seem to be automatically assigned a class based on your "Stats".(There's also something about receiving a bag, but those are standard in RPGs. I assume hammerspace is involved.)

Still though, as an outsider, would I even have stats? Even if I did, I wasn't exactly ripped. Hell, I'd consider myself a mage if my intelligence stat wasn't wonky as hell.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you thinking about registering to the guild?"

"GAH!" I was taken out of my monologing thoughts by someone who clearly was concerned about the weirdo sat in the Guild holding a pamphlet. Attempting (Keyword being **attempt.**) to regain my composure, I stood up to meet the voice eye-to-eye.

She seemed very generic. I don't mean that as an insult, I mean that I think I've seen her face while wandering through town before. And in whatever RPG I was playing before I got here. Or in most games with NPCs.

She was generic, ok?

"Uh, yeah. Could you tell me where to go?" I asked in my best "I'm a normal human being!" voice.

She gave me a blink before pointing towards one of the windows that had no people in front of it. "Because if you are, there's no queue to register right now."

How terribly nice. Or maybe they just wanted me to register so I don't look like a vagrant. Whatever. "Thanks." I state before heading towards the window.

Inside was another genericly generic NPC. Is this a running theme?

"Good morning sir, would you like to register with the Guild?" She askedi in her most "I work retail and hate my life but if I don't keep it together I will be fired!" voice.

"Uh, yeah." I stated, rubbing the back of my head. "I must be honest, I'm kinda new to this wo- place so I just needed a few minutes to read the Guild Guide." I showed her the pamphlet to emphasise my point and hopefully garner a bit of pity.

"Oh, alright then. I'll keep it simple for now. What's your name?"

My name? You know, whenever I get asked to put in my name for anything that isn't a government document I put in the stupidest things. That urge was rising within me, but "McDong Fucktard" isn't the best name to have.

I thought to names I had heard recently. Maybe not characters, because that might get awkward if someone else is called by that name too. Game names? No, that's silly. Maybe…

"Koei. Koei Tech," Screw it, close enough. This place seemed pretty Japanese anyway.

She gave a blink, probably because I spent a few seconds thinking of an alias. "Alright, can you put your hand underneath the scanner so I can determine the best class for you?"

I complied, with the device emitting a blue light and a small screeching noise for several seconds before the light turned green with a nice ding.

On her side, a piece of paper printed out and as she scrutinised it, she became visibly confused.

"Sir, are you sure you want to become a Guild member? It seems that all your stats, barring Intelligence are below average."

Wow. That's sad.

"I like a challenge." I shrugged. That and I need a job, however temporary.

"Alright, so… Here's the thing." She gave her best "I'm sorry." face.

I visibly tensed. Usually this ends with embarrassment. I feel like I wasted this poor clerk's time, even though I haven't, as at most it's taken a minute. Still, my social anxiety has kicked in and I'm trying to keep calm.

"Normally with a high intelligence stat, you'd be assigned the basic Mage class, with the opportunity to specialise into different weapons later. However, your Strength and Agility stats are low enough that wielding a staff would actively hinder you in battle."

Wow. That is really sad. I can't even be a mage because I'm weak and slow enough that I wouldn't be able to dodge things. Jeez.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time then." I stated, trying and failing to keep the sadness out of my voice, as I turned to leave.

"Wait, Koei! You didn't hear me through!"

Huh? What more can you do to a guy who can't use his one competent stat?

"You see, I said that you can specialise into a different class later one. There's a variant on the Mage that needs far less Strength and Agility, but requires some more finesse. Could you please wait while I try and get clearance from my supervisors for you?"

"I uh… Sure."I reply meekly. This poor girl was going out of her way for me. Was I that pitiable?

Whatever, I sat back down on one of the waiting chairs as she went into the back. I would have read another pamphlet, but my nerves were getting at me. What if she got in trouble for trying to help me out? Hell, what if she got _fired?_ I mean she was trying to circumvent the system for some rando who looked like a lost puppy. Surely this wouldn't work ou-

"Koei, could you come back to the desk please?" I approached the desk again and found the desk clerk with someone I assumed to be superior.

She was surprisingly ungeneric. Long, yet spiked brunette hair flowed down onto her navy jacket, decorated with various things, including what I assume to be way too many phones. Inside that was a simple vest and shorts held up by some sort of belt (Shorts and a belt?), along with her shirt having a simple i on it. Yes, the small one with the dot. One odd thing that was her jacket seemed way too big for her, as it covered her arms entirely.

Oh and she had a leafy hair decoration. She was certainly far less generic than anyone else I've seen so far.

"So listen up, Koei." She spoke in a command voice, driving me to her OH GOD THOSE EMERALD EYES ARE STARING INTO MY SOUL I'M IN THE SHIT NOW AAAAA-

"Normally you'd be classed as a basic Mage in order to learn the basic magic and skills. However, due to your… Unique stats, I've had to be called in order to verify your… New advancement."

She placed a short blade onto the desk and slid it over. "Go on, take it. You're a Spellblade now."

"Spellblade?" I questioned, as I did just that, getting a feel for the light-ish metal blade. The blade standard, with the exception of the metal itself seeming to have a cool blue tinge to it. Strangely, despite being metal, didn't reflect at all, so something normal like Steel was out of the question. Must be some magic non-reflecting blue metal or something.

Along with this, the sword was barely the length of my forearm, making it not much lengthier than a chef's knife. Taking a look at the hilt, it was a much lighter blue than the blade, with the white of the ball on the edge of the handle making a nice contrast. On one side of the hilt itself was the word "Serenity" etched in. Guess the sword's called Serenity then.

"Thank you, but what's a Spellblade?" I asked the obvious question, as the slightly scary brunette slid a scabbard for the blade. It was fairly practical, with the only flourishes to it being the same light blue that was on the hilt, with an "L" on top of a snowflake in the dead center. Seemed to be more of a generic blade scabbard than one built for Serenity, though it still fit in fine.

"Well, you use a sword instead of a staff. That's really about it. But spells are less effective, even with a specialised magic-based sword, so you have to use both physical and magical attacks." the clerk replied. She then pointed to the brunette. "IF here is actually one of the best Spellblades in all of Gamindustri, despite her using… Was it Katars or Qatars?

"Yes." IF replied, before unsheathing her weapons. They were in fact, handheld blades. Pretty slick, actually. Still, explained the overly long jacket.

"And you're trusting me with this sword because?" I asked inquisitively. It was a valid question, with an advanced weapon being trusted to an absolute newbie.

"IF" shrugged. We all have to start somewhere. I've been training with these since I was 5, so I knew what I was doing even before I learned magic. Just try not to unsheathe your sword in public. The guards with have you in a bloody pile before you can even cast a spell."

Zero tolerance, then. I suppose if you have a bunch of randoms running around armed, having a competent set of guards would keep people's mind at ease.

"I'll keep that in mind. Off I go to adventure! Thanks for everything!" I waved off IF and her supposed subordinate before heading out the door..

As I stepped out, I breathed in the cold air of this place and sighed in relief. I was armed, I had a name.

But I didn't have any quests. Dammit!

* * *

Hello again, OP here! I do hope you tolerated my writing!

As for any formatting issues, this _is_ my first go at using . So feel free to yell at me about that.

Or anything else on your mind about this.


	2. A Weurld of Pain

**A/N: Good god. I ended up writing maybe close to 7000 words in a single day. Both for this chapter and the previous one. I will definitely not keep up this pace.**

Aside from that, I was going to respond to any reviews, but since I got this out so soon, I'll instead talk briefly about my inspirations. I think the one I should talk about first is the one that told me "Hey, you know not all Human in Gamindustri stories are total trainwrecks, right?"

Namely, Shattersoul's HyperDementia Neptunia: Welcome to our Dimension

I thought it was good enough for a shoutout anyway. It takes the general plot of Mk2/RB2 and darkens it while keeping it entertaining. oh and there's an OC in there somewhere i think.

There's also The Edge Chronicles: In a New World, which I just like tonally. It also shout outs HyperDementia, but I guess that's inspiration for you. (I may have also accidentally taken the plot point of waking up in Lowee with no idea what the fuck I'm doing, oops. Oh well, we went about it differently enough. I hope.)

With that, enjoy the next part of this trainwreck!

-Hclegend

* * *

Awkwardly stumbling back into the Guild after realizing that I had no Quests on me, I went straight to the automated Quest Board.

Yes, a Quest Board. This was covered in the pamphlet, it's just a way for people to take Quests without taking up the time of the clerks there. It's mostly for automatic daily quests that generally don't pay well, as they're all paid for by the guild themselves.

How does the Guild earn the money? Government, I guess. Probably takes a cut of the more specialized quests too. For now though, I took a look at what was available.

Shock of shocks, it was mostly low level generic quests. Kill X, get X Bear Asses, kill X and get their Bear Asses, etc. I took one or two of the easier quests from a nearby area and headed off, trying to ignore the clerk from before stifling a giggle at my awkward stumbling in.

Exiting the guild again, I breathed in with a sigh. I actually got some quests. Now to the questing area, which was just outside this town. As it turns out, I spawned in to the "South" of this town, so now I head northwards to an area called Weurld 1-1. I think it's meant to be a specialized training area, but still has monsters in.

The trip there was uneventful. People did give me a few weird looks before seeing my sheathed sword and moving on. Seems adventurers are just a common thing, despite my scruffy appearance. Again, t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms isn't exactly something you want to be wearing in public.

Maybe I should buy some clothes after this. Oh, right, the quest. Weurld 1-1 was as you expect, a walled off training area. It literally was walled off. With walls. Of brown bricks.

That inspired confidence as I strolled in and noted what enemies needed to be murdered for my quests. Mushrooms on legs, weird green pipes with yellow zigzag stripes on them, there was a large turtle with a tree on its back...

Deja vu, have I been in this place before? Whatever, I took out Serenity and prepared to engage one of the mushroom things.

It didn't really seem like it was one to be stabbed by me, as it launched spores at me, Some got in my mouth, which was gross, but didn't affect my ability to fight.

Still, I responded by slamming my sword into the top of its head with Serenity, dealing some damage, but surprisingly not slicing it in half. It did get pushed back.

Now it was angry and charged at me full force with its little mushroom top pointed straight at me. With a handy sidestep I dodged the foe, sending it crashing into a nearby brick wall.

I say that like it's impressive, but it was going at mildly past ambling speed. Turns out stubby little legs do not make for effective charge moves. While it was stunned, I simply walked close to it and gave a single right-handed slash, causing it to explode into data.

"Woopee." I deadpanned to nobody, as I examined the remains. A mushroom top and some small coins with a C embedded in. I believe these were the currency of the world, Credits?

Anyway, I picked some up and placed them into my pocket. As it turns out, once you get a Guild membership you automatically store whatever you collect into a big ol' cloud server. There was a picture of a cloud on the pamphlet. The joke was not lost on me.

I decided to go after another mushroom shaped creature, but I ended up attracting the attention of one of those familiar pipes… Somehow.

Seriously, these things have no visible body parts, how do they even see you, let alone attack?

Gripping Serenity once again, I attempted to cast a spell. Of course, being the nerd I am, I decided to go with a fairly basic spell from a game I used to play.

"**Frostbolt!**" I yelled, as I pointed my right hand, equipped with Serenity towards the mushroom thing. I wasn't expecting it to work, but I needed to work on my magic as a spellblade.

To my surprise, it worked. What I didn't expect was a literal bolt striking the mushroom and freezing it solid, before shattering. I expected some form of ice ball. Weird.

No time to contemplate as the pipe suddenly bent over and smacked me. Despite it bending, it felt like solid stone or metal. It hurt, dammit!

I swung Serenity at the pipe, knocking it back before attempting another spell. "**Frostball!?**"

This is the result I wanted from Frostbolt, as a small ball of ice launched out of the tip of the blade towards the pipe, striking it again and causing it to explode into data.

Still, I had the mushroom to take care of yet. Readying Serenity for another swing, I was interrupted by the mushroom leaping into the air and dive bombing towards me, once again the top of its head being the main weapon.

This was far faster than the casual amble from before and I barely had time to raise Serenity to defend before taking a high power hit that pushed me back a few meters. Even with Serenity taking the bulk of the hit, the impact still hurt quite a bit.

I thought this was a training area, why the hell are these guys so aggressive?

Regardless, the mushroom was preparing for another head bonk-type attack, judging from it bracing its stumpy legs. Waiting for it to launch itself into the air again, I pointed Serenity at it and did nothing.

"Prepare to be kebab, mushroom thing!" I yelled triumphantly to it before it impaled itself onto Serenity, causing it to explode into data.

I breathed a sigh of relief, as I took a moment to rest while gathering the spoils. With the adrenaline of killing that first mushroom, I forgot that I was still weaker than others of this level. I really had to be more careful before I ended up with a game over.

And I don't think I have any continues.

With strengthened resolve, I stood back up and looked around. Strange, weren't there more creatures here? And more sunlight?

A very loud **ROAAAAAR **emanating from exactly behind me unfortunately answered both of those questions. I took a look at the creature and it was one of those turtle things from before. Did I mention that it had a tree on its back? Well those trees were pretty beefy, so it had to have a large body to compensate.

And boy, was it large. The shell alone easily was taller than my relatively average self, and the turtle's mouth could have easily eaten me in two or three bites. At the very least, it could decapitate me in a single bite if it's beak-like mouth had anything to say about it.

I don't think it's much of a talker, though. A shame, I wanted to negotiate keeping my head, maybe?

Stepping back several times to keep myself away from the gaping maw, I noticed that the turtle itself was remarkably slow. At the very least, I could outpace it with some basic walking. As long as I kept an eye on it, I should be fi- Why is it rearing up?

The turtle slammed pretty hard into the ground, creating a small quake that knocked me off balance for a moment. Once I regained my composure I realized that speed wasn't really going to be a factor, as it could easily stun me for a moment if I wasn't careful.

God I hate stun mechanics. Regardless, I had to persevere. I think this was one of the quests I had to do. I hope it wasn't, but it might give out more rewards. Either way it looked tougher than anything else in Weurld 1-1.

Gripping Serenity, I went for an attack from the right, dual handing Serenity as I went for a full force attack.

_Tink_

Serenity bounced off its shell. Right, it's a turtle. They're known for hard shells. Duh.

The turtle seemed to take exception to my attempted attack, as it span around, hitting me with its tail and knocking me over again. This time, Serenity flew out of my hands and into the tree located on its back, blade first as to be jammed in for good measure. The turtle seemed to wince when Serenity jammed itself in there, but aside from that I was unarmed.

Well then, this is not good. Standing up, it had already faced me again and was trudging towards me.

I don't think going around it would even be viable, as it span around pretty fast if it caught me off guard with its tail.

So if I can't go around, I can only go...

I took a moment to prepare myself mentally, as I kept an eye on the turtle. It crept ever closer, its mouth drooling at the prospect of a fresh meal. I didn't think turtles were anything but vegetarian, but something has to keep that tree up.

It was about a meter away, ready to bite when I suddenly sprinted just to the side of its neck. It's a turtle, duh. They can't turn that far!

This gave me time to climb onto the shell proper. It was a bit rough, but I had some points to grab onto so I managed to get up to the flat part.

All the while the turtle looked… Confused? It was hard to tell from this angle. Maybe it couldn't feel my weight on its shell. I reached up to grab Serenity, which elicited a pained groan from the turtle.

That's a weird weak spot, but whatever. Pointing the blade at the dead center of the tree, I decided to try a different element.

"Let's turn up the heat! **Fireball!**" To nobody's surprise, a ball of fire launched itself from Serenity, smacking the tree slap bang in the middle and setting it on fire.

The turtle writhed in pain as I was violently thrown off of it. I took a moment to confirm I was on solid ground and had Serenity again before checking on my foe.

Wow, it was in serious pain. The tree more resembled a towering inferno at this point and the turtle was ambling around, trying to put it out. Eventually the fire faded into as and the turtle flopped over, before turning into data.

This was weird to say the least. Also needlessly cruel, but I didn't know if that was going to work or not and I doubt an ice attack would have done as much.

Sauntering over to the loot, I noticed a lot more credits had dropped than either the pipe or the mushrooms. I also a refreshing feeling overtaking my otherwise exhausted body. I suddenly felt fully healed.

Did I just level up? This was covered in the pamphlet, but it was still advised to bring your own healing items.

Still though, with that, I left Weurld 1-1.I couldn't be doing with any more near death by large turtles today. That and once I left I noticed some important looking people running into the area.

Probably because I accidentally made a several meter high inferno and wanted to make sure whatever it was didn't burn the whole complex down. Whatever, I was done.

* * *

Heading back to the guild was surprise surprise, uneventful. Once I came back in though, the place was slightly abuzz for some reason.

"Hey, didn't you hear about that fire in Weurld 1-1?" I heard one guy ask.

"Oh yeah, apparently someone burned the tree off of the super-tough Turtle there." another guy replied. I didn't catch their faces because I didn't want to be caught eavesdropping.

"Jeez, must have been mad at it. Most people just chop it down and don't risk the fire hazard."

"I would have done that myself honestly. That thing is a pain."

Weird. Trees are flammable. You burn trees if you want them gone.

Then again, not everyone starts with a spellbade. That still leaves the question of why people were talking about this. I was merely doing quests.

Speaking of, I opened up the Quest Board and turned in what Quests I had. Killed two mushrooms, got a pipe drop from the well, _pipe. _

Still though, there was one quest I skimmed over. Mostly because it suggested a higher level than I was comfortable with.

**Objective:** Obtain Turtle Shell

**Reward: ** 2500 Credits, 3x Healing Potion

Pretty good rewards, honestly. Wait a second. Didn't I _get_ a Turtle Shell?

Checking my inventory, I was shocked to find that I did. Along with a Burned Tree Trunk. Yikes, that's a downer.

Regardless I opened then completed the Quest, earning a cool 2500 Credits and some items for basically nothing.

Before I went I decided to check my level. The Guild Board has a lot of neat features like that. (The inventory thing just comes with a Guild membership. Though I haven't figured out how to open the "menu" outside of the Guild Board yet.)

Taking a quick look at my profile, I was shocked.

**Name: **Koei Tech

**Occupation**: Newbie Adventurer

**Class: **Spellblade (Novice)

**Level: **5

I was level 5 already? Was that turtle meant for stronger adventurers and I just found a cheap tactic for an easy kill?

No wonder people are talking about this. I guess most people just don't try and fight it on their first trip.

Closing the Guild Board, I headed out before arousing any suspicion. Last thing I need is people thinking I'm some prodigy for a basic tactic.

Once I was outside, I noticed that the sky was significantly more orange. Was it that late already? Then again, I did zone out a few times while travelling, it's probably been a fair bit longer than I think it has.

For now I decided to head to the all purpose Store located near the Guild. Pretty efficient building if you ask me.

Walking in, it was similar to the Guild. A fair bit smaller, with only one staff member and some form of machine, but it still looks quite a bit like the Guild. Walking to the cashier (I presume), I do need to ask one urgent question.

"Excuse me miss," I gave my best "I'm lost" impression (Not a bad one, considering I basically am.) "but do you know where the nearest inn or other place where I can pay to rent a room is? It's getting dark and I need a place to rest."

"Of course!" She replied in a chipper manner. "Just head out and turn right, you shouldn't miss it!"

"Thank you. One more thing, though. Where do I buy clothes?"

She gave me a confused look. "Right here of course! This is Lowee's one stop-shop for all things, whether for adventuring or relaxing!"

"Convenient. Thank you." I stated simply before heading to what I presumed was the machine for purchasing things.

Opening it up revealed well, an online storefront.

**Welcome Koei! You have: 3500 Credits in your account!**

Wow, that Turtle really is paying dividends. Still, this allowed me to splash out a bit. But first, food.

Surprisingly this place was a one-stop shop for all things adventuring or not. Basic groceries, adventuring gear, non-adventuring gear, even weapons were sold here. As in physical, actual weapons!

Taking a browse, I found some basic supplies. A bulk pack of ramen noodle pots (Because I don't really know how much I need for the inn yet.), a new jacket (Strangely all in white and or blue. I picked the darkest one I could and that was still cyan, with the snowflake emblem with an L on it like on Serenity's scabbard.) and some cheap beer. (Because wow, this world has beer, I can still continue my decline into alcoholism!)

I also bought an armor bracelet. For some weapon when buying equipment it showed your stats before and after and this bracelet would nearly double my "Vitality" and "Mentality", whatever that meant. Probably just fancy ways of saying Defence and Magic Defence.

Oh and a backpack. Nothing fancy, just a regular backpack. As long I can't access my inventory outside of the Guild or the Store, I might as well carry some essentials on me.

All in all that cost… 2500 credits? Son of a bitch, I wanted to save some!

Sighing in defeat and purchasing the items, they all went into my newly acquired backpack, aside from the jacket and bracelet, which went straight onto me. I felt less like I could break from being breathed on, but that could just be a placebo.

* * *

By the time I was done and had thanked the clerk, it was dark out. She said to head right, right?

I turned 90 degrees and lo and behold, a lit up sign saying "Lowee Hostel: No Vacancy" greeted me. Thankfully the No wasn't lit up like the rest of the sign.

Walking in, I expected some dingy old hellhole, but it was actually rather homely. Hell, they even had a fake log fire to the left of the entrance, with wooden furniture surrounding it. They really wanted to push the old time cabin theme with modern enhancements, didn't they?

Going to the front desk, yet another generic clerk greeted me. It's like this is a theme or something.

"Evening, you got any rooms?" I asked curtly, yet bluntly. I was quite tired, even with the earlier level up restoring my energy.

"Well, you can rent out an entire room for yourself for… 5000 Credits. Or you can just rent a bed for 1000."

Oh right, this is a hostel. Means that they cram more beds into a single room. "I'll take the bed." I reply. Not that I had the cash to drop on a whole room to myself anyway.

"One thousand Credits, please.", she asked as I curtly handed over the last of my hard earned cash. Back to square one on that front.

"Here's your key. Have a good evening sir."

"Thank you." I finished, before heading the actual rooms.

The room number was on a plastic tab attached to the key. It simply read "115." It was a surprisingly simple job of navigating to that room, even with the hostel somehow not having a logical numbering system.

I arrived into the relatively sparse room. The beds once again had the L with a snowflake that I had quickly come to realize was the coat of arms of this place. Also the fact it was called Lowee, maybe.

Still though, I got lucky because despite being a room with 6 beds (Two bunk beds and one double bed for couples, I guess.) the room was devoid of life. Just the way I like it.

Sitting down on the bottom of one of the bunks, I checked out the facilities while resting my legs. Surprisingly, the staff left a kettle and various tea and coffee making supplies on the desk, all ready to be used. That was the ramen sorted, at least.

Putting the kettle on to boil the water needed for the ramen, I contemplated what I knew so far.

I was in a place called Lowee, which seemed like a typical RPG realm, yet had modern technology and some even further beyond what I'd seen. There are both monsters and adventurers who work for a Guild, and generally there seems to be no overlying motivator to explore yet.

So based on my genre savvyness… Either this place gets burned to the ground, some dark lord rises and I'm a destined hero who is meant to stop them, or I just live here peacefully as a non-descript spellblade.

Honestly that last one seems alright to me.

Sadly this thought process was interrupted by some walking into the room. Thankfully all I was doing was leaning on a wall, so I could easily pretend not to care.

"Evening." I state cooly. Internally I'm panicking slightly. I've never spent a night before with solely strangers before, so I hoped it was room service so I could go back to being alone.

To my surprise, it was IF, that girl from the guild way earlier. I put myself at ease slightly as the kettle bubbled in the background.

"Oh, you're that girl that got my spellbrade approve, aren't you?"I ask, more relaxed than before.

"I don't believe we formally met at the guild earlier. I'm Guildmaster IF." she extended one of her hands for me to shake, which seems to not have a katar on it. I shook it firmly.

"Koei Tech, but I think you knew that already." I say with a small laugh. She seems nonplussed. "So uh, you staying the night here?"

"No, I have other arrangements." I breathe a sigh of relief before she continued "But I do want to talk to you about something."

She sat down on the bed opposite to where I put my stuff. "So I've heard a few rumors about a large fire at Weurld 1-1 today. You wouldn't happen to have been there, would you?"

Ohhh no. "Yeah, I was. Look, I did it in self defense, I didn't know the whole tree would have gone up in flames!"

IF raised an eyebrow at me. I just accidentally confessed to causing the fire trying to justify my actions. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Her nonplussed look relaxed a little. "Don't worry about it. I had a suspicion it was you, but wanted to confirm it before wrapping up the investigation. I'll tell the relevant authorities it was a freak blaze and not caused by anyone in particular."

I stared back. "Then if you're not just here to arrest me, why _are_ you here? You said you had other arrangements, right?"

IF's stare hardened a little. "I wanted to see if my faith in you was misplaced. As I said, I had a feeling it was you and didn't know whether you did it out of fear or out of malice." her look softened again before she continued. "The fact that you so readily wanted to defend yourself even before I asked if you did do it shows that you were concerned about your well-being after that incident at least. Or at least enough not to lie to me. Or not to brag about doing it. Or-"

I held my hand up to stop her. "I get it. Look, I just meant to try and hit it with an element it was weak against and it was the first time using that sort of thing. Honestly felt like I was thrown into the deep end there." I confessed, a tinge of bitterness in the last sentence.

IF shrugged. "That's a spellblade for you. Still though, buying some armor helps out in the long run. As is just generally trying not to burn things that could chain react into a disaster. These things don't often happen around here, that's probably what the commotion is about." She got up, clearly intending to leave. "Goodnight, Koei."

"Wait, since I helped you, can you help me with something?" I said, meeting eye to eye with her before she could take a step. "Look, I think you may have noticed I wasn't from around here, so could you tell me where the hell I am?"

IF blinked. "You're in Toadstool Town, a small town located in Lowee, one of the four Nations of this land, Gameindustri. Ruled by Lady White Heart. Anything else?"

Wait, there's other Nations? There's a ruler named Lady White Heart? Gamindustri? "A _**few.**_"

I think it took about 10 minutes of meticulous detail for me to fully grasp the basic concept of this world. I'll give you a brief rundown.

This world is called Gamindustri, ruled by 4 divine beings known as the CPUs. Each one governs a nation and fights for Shares in what's known as the Console Wars. Despite the fact that it's a war, generally people aren't bothered about it and just go about worshipping the Goddess they like the most. Hell, there's even international travel with no strings attached, according to IF.

As for my current location, Toadstool Town? It's a small beginner town for newbie adventurers to get to grips with things, as well as being a stone's throw away from several questing areas, all while being nowhere near as packed as the town located near the Basilicom in the center of Lowee, where the CPU supposedly lives.

I'm still kind of confused, but whatever. I'm sure the general concept of this world will sink in eventually. For now though, I believe I have some ramen to consume. And cheap beer to consume too.

Tomorrow's a new day, full of opportunity. And not burning Turtles to death, hopefully.


	3. Mind Aqualending a Hand?

The dull headache of a well-earned hangover greeted the new day as I woke up once again. Taking a look around the strange room, I took a moment to realign my memories of what the hell was going on. Right, I'm legally dead, have a weapon and caused arson.

Stretching my body as I got out of bed, I realized that I had no change of clothes and had slept with just a shirt and boxer shorts on, leaving the rest neatly piled on the floor. Putting these on, I turned on the kettle to figure out a plan of action for the day.

_Okay, so I'm "Level 5", I have a spellblade and a vague idea of how to cast things. What do I do with this information and how do I get a more stable income before I get a game over?_

The kettle's silent bubbling was interrupted by the soft groaning of someone in the bed opposite of where I slept. That's odd, I didn't have anyone here last night, right? Sure, IF was here, but she left soon after and had "other arrangements", so who is this?

My question was answered by the unknown figure making themselves known. At a quick glance I thought I finally found a non-generic male, but alas, upon a slight inspection, they seemed to be yet another female. I quietly pondered the implications of being the only non-generic male in a female dominated world for a moment, before turning to prepare a second cup of tea. She seemed like a tea person, but I eventually heard the girl bring herself out of bed and step towards me. Now this was going to be awkward.

"Wow, you put the milk in first? Nice taste, weirdo. I'll make my own." She said bluntly. Very bluntly. It's like she had a disdain for me already. Stepping aside, I turned my head to properly analyse her features.

Upon her had was a short, dirty blondish smattering of hair pointing downwards. It was kind of like IF's, but this girl seemed to like taking care of her hair, however boyish it looked. Her half-lidded, sapphire eyes were also nice, though I couldn't tell if those were her default state or not. Taking a look away from her face, she wore a simple white dress with brown straps on.

And of course, she was flat. No wonder I mistook her for a dude at first. It was pretty clear that she wanted to buck the girly stereotype as much as possible, even if it meant looking like a boy who dressed like a girl.

Looking back to her face, her attention was now focused on me, tea in hand. "What, you never seen a girl before?" She spat. Jeez, this girl was rude. Maybe she's not a morning person?

"Nah, it's just been awhile since I saw someone with such… _interesting_ features?" I said diplomatically, not referring directly to any part of her. Or lack thereof.

Her stare hardened for a moment, before taking a sip of her tea. "Whatever. Can you tell me where I am? I passed out last night after… working. Then I woke up here with you."

Leaning on the desk casually, I picked up the cup of tea in my non-optimal left hand in order to look cool. I don't think it worked. "Sure, sure. This is the Lowee Hostel in Toadstool Town. I'm surprised that someone else was sleeping here, I thought I was up pretty late… Wait, you said you passed out?"

"It's… None of your business." She hesitantly replied, not meeting my look of concern. "It just happens from time to time. Just wanted to know before I headed out."

Freeing up my right arm so I could drink tea properly, I took a long sip. Ow, fuck, I didn't let it cool. Still, I needed to persevere. "Maybe you shouldn't let passing out be a part of your daily routine? Especially here in Lowee when it's all snowy and cold. You can get frostbite out here, you know."

She rolled her eyes. "I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I have to make sacrifices for my nation. It's a part of my job." She seemed a bit defensive in her tone. Must be a fanatic for Lowee.

Finishing off my tea, I placed the dirty utensils separately from the clean ones before cleaning after myself a little bit. Don't want to be a total slob, after all. An awkward silence between us sprang up, as if neither of us were very sociable.

I mean I know I wasn't, but she's either really pissed off at me, doesn't like socializing, for both. Either way, I cleaned up, put my totally not patriotic jacket on, before grabbing my backpack and Serenity and turned to leave with my key.

"Be seeing ya, then." I said politely.

"Hopefully not." She replied. Fair.

I left the room, returned the keys to the reception and turned to leave, but not before spotting someone familiar on one of the waiting chairs.

"Good morning, Guildmaster." I walked up and politely greeted my fellow spellblade, who was busy on one of the many phones attached to her jacket.

At the very least she responded to me. "Oh hey, you again. Thought you would have left by now."

"Nah, I'm not an early riser. What time is it anyway, like 6am?" I asked, having a revelation that I needed a goddamn watch.

"It's 10am," She replied bluntly. "Anyway, I'm not here to meet you."

"Oh, I didn't want to assume after you came _all this way_ to meet me late at night in a hostel…" I replied, putting the charm factor to 11.

IF was not amused, giving me a glare. "Not into dudes. Especially not arsonists."

"Too soon." I joked, but still I was curious. "Who's this contact then?"

"None of your business." Was all I got in return. Seems being a Guildmaster was confidential work. Maybe she was worried about that girl in the white who passed out like I was.

Nah, just a coincidence. I gave a quick goodbye wave to IF before heading to the Guild.

* * *

Turning up to the Guild, the place was fairly barren. I must have arrived on a busy day yesterday or something. Regardless, I gathered some quests in an area that _wasn't_ Weurld 1-1. Not only do I think I should explore more of this Gamindustri place, I really don't want to fight a Turtle again. Nor do I want to cause another inferno.

Conveniently, there was an area nearby that was a frozen lake called "Aqualentis Lake". The denizens seemed to be mostly aquatic, with names like "Octogoo","Rocktopus" and of course, "WhaleKing". Felt like I was missing a pun there, but I decided to take Quests that involved all 3. This combined with their Credit drops should allow me to start saving Credits.

There was one thing I needed to do before I left the Guild, though. And that was storing my stuff. I don't want to lose it in battle. So, I put the bag (and everything in it) into the Inventory, double checked that I had my "armor", jacket and Serenity and headed off on my way without a word.

Unsurprisingly, the jacket protected against the cold more than a t-shirt does, making the trip down to Aqualentis Lake less painful, but more tedious. I had nothing to take my mind off of the snowy trudge this time around, and the trip did feel longer than the one to Weurld 1-1. Suppose that's the downside of not having something to distract you on a walk.

Eventually (It felt like an hour, but it easily could have been wildly different, I need a watch,) I arrived at Aqualentis Lake. Very surprisingly, the residents were aquatic, opting to appear out of holes within the frozen over lake. The evolution of creatures here is fascinating, as much akin to seals, they both live on land and water simultaneously.

Well, time to kill them. I headed towards an Octogoo. Now, I expected some sort of slime octopus like one of those hentai things, but really it was a slime lazily stuck onto some tentacles like some sort of hentai. What was interesting though, is that the slime was very…. Dog like. Like, it had a tail, ears, snout and a mouth.

Aside from the fact it was slithering on tentacles, it seemed content with itself. It was strangely adorable. Again for a creature dreamed up out of tentacle hentai. Whatever.

I equipped Serenity and charged right at the Octogoo, it seeming unaware of its imminent demise.

"I'll make this quick." I mutter to myself before swinging Serenity right at the creature's appendages, scraping the icy floor in the process. Fortunately, several tentacles came off in one hit, unfortunately the creature was still alive and _pretty angry_ at me at this point and used the remaining appendages to try and ensnare me within its grip.

Dodging towards the place where I sliced off its tentacles, I then noticed the ice physics in this area as I fell on my face like a complete idiot.

As it turns out, generic trainers do not have a good grip on ice. I wonder if I could bait it off of the ice for a terrain advantage. Getting up, I took a few steps back onto relatively dry land, as the crunch of snow signified I was off the ice physics.

Understandably the Octogoo was still trying to murder me, however was struggling to move in the right direction due to its now asymmetrical appendages. Now I'm just feeling bad for this thing. Sighing in resignation, I just walked up to the struggling cephalopod and stabbed it with Serenity, eliciting a pained noise followed by it dissipating.

Who knew that slaughtering the local wildlife could be this depressing? Hopefully the other creatures would put up more of a fight. Or at least not force me to mercy kill them.

Placing Serenity on my shoulder, I scanned the nearby area. There was another Octogoo, this time tending to smaller Octogoos. I was entranced by this display for a moment before realizing that I probably just killed a parent. Seriously, the fuck is wrong with me?

Tearing my eyes away, I found a much more menacing looking creature. Now with a name like "Rocktopus" I expected some sort of literal rock octopus. Nope. It stood on two tentacles and carried a guitar in another two, leaving four appendages free to attack.

It also wore pointed sunglasses, because of course it would. Whatever, I already fought sentient pipes, my sanity is clearly deteriorating at a rapid enough rate, so let's kill a goddamn Rocktopus.

I approached the creature, this one spotting me, possibly due to the sunglasses reducing the glare of the nearby pristine white snow. I suppose that's one advantage of looking like a tool.

Preparing Serenity for a head on strike, I was surprised when the creature played a few notes on its guitar before a bolt of lightning shot out of it, hitting Serenity dead on and giving me a nasty shock, causing me to drop it for a moment.

So there's a sunglasses wearing octopus who fires lighting out of its guitar in the middle of a frozen lake. **That makes sense.**

Picking up Serenity again, I decided to keep it simple. Pointing the spellblade at my adversary I simply yelled "**BOLT!**"

Nothing happened. I think the creature laughed at me before strumming some more. Luckily I dodged out of the way before another bolt could hit me.

Back to basics, then. Preparing Serenity once again I yelled "FROSTBALL!" Unsurprisingly, that worked and a ball of frost shot directly at the Rocktopus' guitar, covering the instrument in a layer of ice. The cephalopod attempted to strum again, however it couldn't make the notes vibrate due to the ice covering the guitar.

Once again I had managed to accidentally counter a tough enemy. Seems the fight wasn't over yet, as the creature started rushing towards me, seemingly to use the guitar as a makeshift blade.

I prepared a strike as it swung upwards, I countered likewise and Serenity dented the guitar pretty hard. It tries an overhead swing and I simply used the momentum from my previous swing to spin around on the ice and slash at it again, causing it to smash in half. Finally, a third and final spin and a slash through the soft belly of the creature resulted in a one-hit kill.

Unfortunately ice physics prevented me from simply _stopping_, so I had a few more spins to go before I could stop fully. I lost count at about 5 but felt like I was going to hurl up that tea I had earlier.

Sitting down on the frozen lake, I took a look at the floor. Unsurprisingly there was more creatures below the surface, using their aquatic features to glide through the water gracefully. The nature of this world really was fascinating.

A few minutes of relaxing ocean life and regaining my composure later, I stood back up on the lake and collected the spoils from the Rocktopus. Funnily enough it dropped a mixtape. If I ever found a tape player I'd go listen to it.

I also took this time to remember that I had healing potions. So I drank one. It tasted like cheap energy drink, but I did feel slightly less like falling over. With that, I had to go find a WhaleKing.

Now, common sense would tell you that whales are large, _aquatic _creatures, right? Maybe you've seen some in an OceanPlace or something, but never one outside the ocean.

Turns out the whales here not only inhabit land, but _defy physics and float above it like it was water._ After the Rocktapus I thought nothing could shock me, but here we are and now I have to fight a roughly house-sized floating purple whale. Why did I agree to this? I'd say this is some drug trip, but I've never touched anything close to that. Plus everything seems too coherent, even with the madness that is the **giant floating whale.**

Whatever. Like the Turtle before, it looked to be the hardest fight in the area. But I had time to analyse its movements. It was strangely peaceful, seemingly just wanting to float around and do its own thing. Even when it turned and looked directly in my direction, it seemingly didn't care about my presence.

Guess I still have to kill it. Hopefully the XP will be worth the guilt inside. Strolling towards the rather majestic beast, I started to devise a strategy for once. It seemed that its fins were acting as wings, or at least that explained why it swam in air. So if I could somehow disable though, I might be able to immobilise it.

Staring the beast down as I gripped Serenity, I silently uttered an apology in advance before yelling "**FROSTBLAST!**" Surprisingly, not only did it work, but a significantly larger chunk of ice erupted from Serenity. Unfortunately, the actual force of launching the bolt caused me to fall backwards from the recoil. Not only that, but instead of hitting the intended target, it nailed it square in the eye.

The whale very understandably was not happy about this turn of events and decided to fly away from me, significantly faster than the casual floating it was doing before. For a brief moment I thought it was going to flee.

If only I was that lucky, I simply pissed it off instead. As it turned 180 degrees and started to rush toward me, I needed a plan and _fast._ Dodging it was out of the question due to the sheer speed and size, the creature's underbelly looked too thick to simply slice through and even if I nailed a Frostblast with Serenity, the resulting recoil would leave me open to being smashed by it anyway, let alone killing it outright.

Thinking of no way to resolve this situation without a painful death, I just stood there and accepted my destiny. Day two and I'm already going down _like a bitch__._

"**Fucking move!**" came a very prominent and slightly familiar voice before I was shoved out of the way pretty violently, causing me to speed across the frozen lake before landing safely in a snowbank.

Realigning myself with the ground, I sat up and chugged another health potion. Whoever that was, they hit me nearly as hard as that truck that sent me to this frozen hellhole in the first place. I was going to have _words_ with them.

After thanking them for preventing me from being smashed by a goddamn whale of all things.

Strolling over to the general area, I noticed that the whale was now flying away from the person who helped me out, but not out of its own will because it was sideways and had a pretty nasty cut on the underbelly. Maybe I _should_ have tried that.

Approaching the truck-force like being, they appeared to be… Very flat. This time, the flatness was prominent with their skin tight outfit (In the middle of a frozen lake? Seriously?) with an emphasis on light blue and white colouring. It seemed to suit them well, along with the pretty metal claws for fingers they had. Of course this is excluding the fact that their hair was very much light blue itself, with two large sideburns going all the way down their waist. And for some reason, they had weird, semi-mechanical, holographic wings, along with a matching axe. All in all, this had to be the thing that hit me like a truck, and I don't take these things lightly.

It looked at me with its glowing, red eyes with little power symbols inside and simply stated. "Well, are ya gonna help or just stand there like a dipshit?" They were blunt and to the point.

With a nod, I reach for Serenity and- It's not in my hand. I was so distracted by being smashed into a snowbank and staring at this magical girl rip off with the cuss mouth that I forgot where the hell my sword was.

Quickly walking back to the snowbank, Serenity was fine, thankfully. It hit the snow just like did. With a quick grab and flourish, I noticed the whale, probably _**very**_ pissed off at this point, coming back for round two.

I started to form a strategy with the stranger. "I can try and clip its wings with a spell while you go for the underbe-"

"Or I could fly up there and nail it while your useless ass stays down here and serves as a distraction!" They interrupted before flying off out of the whale's sight. Notably they went around the eye that I had hit earlier with, which was a surprisingly clever play.

The whale, being that it was very angry at both me and the axe wielding cuss fairy, charged right at me again, though at a slower pace due to the damage. With ample time to anticipate a dodge, I waited for that moment.

It would never come,as the being came down with a mighty strike to the skull shouting "**DIE! TODLICHSCHLAG!**", emphasising both words with a massive swing of their axe. It was honestly impressive how they swung it with their pretty small frame.

Still, the whale, unable to take the pain anymore, dissipated into data before it could even hit the ground.

"**Shit!**"

This left the would-be whale rider to slam right into the lake's surface with a pretty brutal **CRACK**, along with several literal cracks on the lake's surface. Yikes, that looked like it _hurt._

Ignoring the loot for a moment and the woosh of another level up, I rushed to their side, my third and final healing potion in hand. They looked more tired than injured, but they needed it more than me after that fall. Unfortunately, it seems that fall knocked them clean out. As I picked up their body, a brilliant light overcame it, blinding me momentarily.

When my vision finally came to, I was pretty shocked. My saviour, the one who slammed into a frozen lake bed after riding a giant floating whale, was none other than the girl from the hostel earlier.

This explained a bit, at least. She woke up in the hostel after passing out at some unknown point, and now here she was, passed out again after transforming from her weird winged axe form.

This was odd. My memory on IF's brief-ish summary on Gamindustri is slightly fuzzy, but wasn't this one of the "CPUs?" Judging from her snow white clothing (Which now had a fluffy hat and matching jacket along with the dress) I guess this could be nobody but Lady White Heart herself.

Still, one the bright side, this explained her attitude. Her CPU form seemed waay more aggressive though. Whatever, I'm sure she can wait here for a moment.

Walking off to where the whale dissipated, I gathered the loot. As expected from a pretty tough foe such as this, it dropped even more Credits than the Turtle from yesterday. I think I counted at least 500. This isn't even counting the Lord Lard that I found which is the drop I needed for one of the quests back at the guild! Jackpot!

Oh right, White Heart. I rushed back to her unconscious body, which was thankfully still there. Picking up the surprisingly light body. Maybe it's because she was flat. Or maybe I gained a few points in Strength now. Whatever, back to Toadstool Town. See if I can't get some answers out of her back at the Hostel.

* * *

**A/N:** Me: Yeah I'm not gonna keep up this pace.

Also me: _bangs out another 3k words in less than a day_.

Granted, I used the same concept as Chapter 2, so this might come off as a bit repetitive, but once I came up with the idea of the frozen lake and the Rocktapus the rest of it kinda just came together naturally. I did _initially_ want White Heart to appear a chapter earlier, but imagine this useless self-insert not being able to figure out that fire burns trees, ha. What a loser.

Ah well, look forward to _actual plot things_ next chapter. Will Koei be able to tell White Heart to knock this passing out shit off? Will they fall in love and fuck? Or will White Heart just punch him in the stomach and call him a twat?

The answers to this are probably not in the next chapter of KOEI BALL Z!


	4. Questions, More Questions and Tea

The walk from Aqualentis Lake back to Toadstool Town was you guessed it, uneventful. This was convenient, because I was carrying Lady White Heart in my arms on the way. Sure, she _was_ rude and abrasive the first time we met, but A. She did save my ass and B. She **is** the CPU of Lowee, presumably. I think both of those factors outweigh my bias a slight bit.

Speaking of weight, she didn't even feel that heavy. I'm not sure if it's because she's naturally small (She's petite in general), the adrenaline from the whole WhaleKing incident or my running theory that I finally earned some points in Strength, but she really didn't feel _that_ heavy.

Of course, by the time I got back to Toadstool Town I was tired. Walking through the town with her in my arms gave me some funny and disturbed looks, but nobody tried to stop me. I think the image of an early 20s guy carrying a girl who looks to be 13-14 at _best_ is a smidgen disturbing to say the least.

Making it back to the hostel finally, I placed the passed out CPU on one of the chairs and headed to the front desk.

"Hey, so I know this is kind of weird, but…" I rubbed my hand on the back of my head. "Can you make sure that girl I brought in is alright while I do some errands? I'd rent a bed for her but I need to turn in some Quests first."

The clerk gave a shrug. "Sure, sure. Don't take too long, though."

Needless to say I don't think she was understanding as much as she was apathetic to anything that wouldn't get her fired. I'll take it, though.

Taking a brisk walk back through the front door and back into the crisp chill of Toadstool Town, I headed to the Guild, as I said I would. This finally gave me some time to think after this whole incident. The hell am I going to ask her? Why she saved me in the first place? The whole passing out thing? I wonder if she's going through something right now…

Heading into the guild, I turned in all my quests and got the subsequent rewards. Thankfully the Lord Lard quest acquired me a cool 5 Healing Potions, meaning that I didn't need to buy any at the store, hopefully.

Still, I had some time on me. I checked my profile.

**Name: **Koei Tech

**Occupation:** Adventurer

**Class:** Spellblade (Novice)

**Level: **7

Guess the margins for levelling up ramp up quite a bit. Either that or White Heart stole my kill. Oh well, better than dead. Best head to the store before the lass wakes up anyway.

Quickening my pace as I headed to the nearby general store, I did wonder what White Heart would think of me carrying her the mile or so back from Aqualentis Lake. If I was her I'd probably punch me in the face and say I didn't need help. That's me, though. I'm not exactly as people say, "normal."

Heading into the general store, I decided to check my Credit balance and-

**Welcome back Koei! You have: 7500 Credits in your account!**

Damn! That's over double what I earned yesterday! Then again, the Lord Lard probably helped a lot with that. Still, priorities. Of course I bought a cheap digital watch (Finally, I can tell the time! It only took two days!), a change of clothes (Granted, some simple Lowee branded ones. Nothing fancy.) and a few luxuries (Roughly translates to another set of beer.)

Surprisingly, my Credit balance remained relatively intact, only spending 1500 Credits total. I am a very frugal person when I want to be. I took my backpack out of my Inventory, I placed my new Lowee wear and alcohol in and equipped my watch before taking a look. 2pm, huh. Wasn't it 10 when I left?

Time flies when you're nearly dying daily!

Returning to the Hostel, White Heart was still sadly out. Still, I had to make sure she was alright before I could rest. Buying two beds, I hefted her off of the chair and headed to the room.

Gently placing her on the bed, I sat and waited for her to wake up. And waited. And waited. Annnnd waited. How long has it been?

2:20pm? I believe the walk from the general store to the hostel was about 10 minutes so…

Did I mention I was impatient? Ah fuck it, maybe a cup of tea will help. Slapping on the kettle and preparing my cup, I did have time to contemplate my line of questioning. Do I go directly, asking why the hell she was literally throwing herself into ice lakes to save some weirdo who didn't even believe in her? Trying to be politely curious certainly didn't work out, but going for a second attempt couldn't hurt, right?

Then again, she did seem to have a similar attitude to me. Non-conversational, doesn't want to burden others with their problems, possibly putting too much pressure on herself…

I may or may not be projecting at this point. Hey, my personal experiences might _help_ someone for once! Holy shit!

Still, I had to be careful. This was a CPU I would be talking to. I pray my unwavering politeness wouldn't well, _falter._ Lest I be executed for treason or some shit.

I mean she can already kick my ass, even if she was shorter than me. Not really surprising, but it did mean I had to give it 120%. Fuck, I needed that cup of tea now.

Taking a long sip, I took a calming breath. I was overthinking this. I _always_ overthink things. Borderline paranoia. It's not like she'll kill me if I do manage to fuck this up. Maybe a shower would help.

* * *

**One Steamy Shower Scene Later**

You're welcome readers!

-A Certain Purple Pudding Lover

* * *

Huh, I just felt a disturbance. I wonder if that's related to these new clothes I'm wearing. Whatever. Now I have to find the nearest washing machine. This hostel already has most of the bare essentials, but a laundromat would be nice too.

Stepping out of the shower room, I looked around for my bag, only to have the reason why I took a shower in the first place be standing in front of the door.

"Afternoon, Lady White Heart." I said, attempting to remain calm despite the surprise. Her face was unreadable, giving me that same, blank expression. Maybe I should start calling this form of her Blank.

"I really don't care for that name outside of official diplomacy. Call me Blanc, please." She said, in a blunt, yet surprisingly polite tone. Wait, Blanc?

"I'm Koei. Koei Tech. A pleasure to mee- Wait did you say Blanc? Like the French word for white?" I took a moment to process that absolutely absurd name before blinking.

"Is there something wrong?" Blanc tilted her head. Okay, her politeness is disturbing. I expected her to call me a twat and rub lemons in my eyes at this point. Ah well, time to bite the bullet.

"I don't mean to be rude, Lady Blanc," I think I saw her eye twitch when I said _Lady _Blanc. "But why are you being so much more… _polite?_"

"Stress," Was all I got. Ah, there's the anti-social Blanc I barely knew!

"I see." I replied, placing my dirt and generic clothes down on the floor. This was going to be a long conversation. "You sure you're alright, though? You did mention this morning passing out on your job. And now that I know your identity, it worries me slightly about _what_ you do in particular." I tried to sound concerned without sounding desperate to help. She needs to accept this on her own.

"It shouldn't be any of your concern, Koei. As the CPU of Lowee, I put the safety of all my citizens above all else. Even milk first weirdos like you." Ah, there's the backhanded compliments!

"Taste in tea aside," I brush off the insult as I am weird. "Shouldn't you have at least some safety for yourself? I know that the Console Wars involve gathering Shares, but surely you can take a day or two off to stop yourself from passing out like you did again."

Blanc's unreadable face became a readable glare. "No. I have to keep working."

I suppose it wasn't going to be easy. "Why, then? Why push yourself to your limit and end up passing out every day?"

Underneath her jacket, I could hear a fist clench. "Because I do what I do for the safety of Lowee. Nothing else in my life matters if even a single citizen is hurt because of my lack of action. And I won't have some tea drinking, spellblade using, other-dimensional **fuckbag** tell me otherwise. I almost regret saving your incompetent ass because you're not even a real citizen of Lowee, you just happened to spawn here! Now why don't you go fuck off back to your own dimension and **DIE**?!"

Blanc proceeded to storm out of the room, slamming the door hard. I stood there for a few moments, going over the conversation. Did I overstep my bounds? Was I too insistent on her taking a break?

… What did she mean about other-dimensional fuckbag?

* * *

**A/N: **Hello again, Hclegend here! Bit of a short chapter for today. I did say I wanted to slow down a bit, but the buildup to the conversation and reveal that Blanc knows who Koei is was eating away at me. Consider this "Chapter 4 Part 1" rather than a full chapter in of itself.

Granted I write this story as a series of disconnected scenes with an overlying plot rather than an actual story. Also, first fourth wall break! _*ding!*_

Not much Neptune love yet, but she'll turn up. She's the main character of the franchise after all!

Speaking of, if you're wondering at what point this story takes place in and why the lack of other CPUs... Well, we're in the midst of the Console War! That's my _entire explanation!_ Hurray for Word of God!


	5. Answers, More Answers and Iffy

**A/N: **Wow, I actually got some reviews. Thank you all, let's check the mailbag:

**Anon:** Thanks. I'm trying to make Koei not the typical Kirito OP AF douchebag who gets all the ladies. I'll fail, but I'm trying, dammit.

**TheEnderThief: **Thank you! Though you bring up an interesting question with shipping.

Short answer: Kinda.

Slightly longer answer: Koei himself is a bit awkward to ship, considering that I've made it clear that he's a self-insert and I'm not into that, personally.

Canon characters though? I'm all for that. One ship particular I want to sail may be appearing later~

**Blacksout123: **I think starting from after this chapter (As I said it's a part 2 to Chapter 4), I'll start posting less frequent, but chunkier chapters. While I like a chapter that I can bang out in a few hours or so, the shorter length might turn some people off.

I feel that 3-5k words is a perfectly fine length for a chapter personally, but that's me. I'll definitely start slowing down the pace of posting at least. Might get a backlog going.

**RedBurningDragon:** I prefer to think of IF as a true neutral rather than working for Planeptune exclusively. The Wind of Gameindustri or something like that. Why she's in _Lowee_ in particular? Well, I have been dropping a few hints.

Also you know how IF kinda acts like a Chuunibyou with her overly dramatic names for moves and her _fucking qatars?_ (There's a reason I brought up her 5 year old self, who is even worse in this regard, if not technically Hyperdimension canon.)

Yeah, the Guildmaster thing is _totally_ part of that. Once again, _all will be revealed~_

(Also it was a bit of a plothole, along with the "Inventory" thing I brought up way back in chapter 1, oops.)

Enough rambling, **on with the carnage!**

* * *

Understandably, I wanted to catch up to White He- Blanc and attempt to explain myself and _maybe _apologise for pushing her too hard. Grabbing my backpack and Serenity, I rushed down to the lobby of the hostel.

The bad news is that she wasn't there. The _good_ news is that IF was there, as disinterested and fiddling on her phone as ever.

"Heeey, IF! Did you happen to see a girl covered in white sprint out of the door in disgust and anger?" I asked, as if that was a normal thing to ask someone. I took a moment to realize _what_ I just said, but IF seemed to shake off the very easily misinterpreted comment.

"You mean Blanc, right?" IF barely turned away from her phone. "Yup, she seemed _pretty pissed._" No shit.

"Look, as a guildmaser, I'm sure you know the best way to track down an angry CPU, right?" I asked, hopefully.

Surprisingly, IF put down her phone and turned to look me in the eyes. "Yeahhh, guildmaser isn't exactly a real _thing_. It just sounded cool."

"I… See…." For the first time since coming here, I felt my eye twitch out of fustration. This raised further questions. Actually, **fuck it.** I have more questions.

"IF, I have… _several_ questions." I state calmly. Probably too calmly given the current situation. IF didn't seem to notice the unsettling aura I was giving off.

"So, about the fact that I _just so happened_ to be at the Lowee Guild when you turned up, the fact that I _just so happened_ to be at the hostel where you and Blanc were or the fact that I know exactly who you are and where you're from?" Right out of the gate, that's certainly not suspicious.

"Just… _how._ To all of these." I felt my sanity drip away again as I took a seat opposite to the brunette.

"Well, your "arrival" so to speak wasn't totally out of the blue. I'm originally from Planeptune, actually an-"

"So why are you in Lowee?" I cut in.

"Save all questions until the end Arsonist," IF cut back before continuing. "So, I'm from Planeptune. However, the Oracle, Histoire… Well to put it lightly she felt a disturbance. She's a tome who records all of Gamindustri's history. She wanted me in particular to go investigate because sending the CPU would be… Problematic."

"Is it because of the Console War? Because it doesn't seem much like a war…"

"Partially. But also because the CPU is an absolute ditz who would end up revealing herself and her mission if asked politely. It makes things such as this absurdly difficult. Hence why I had to come alone." IF took a moment to place a finger underneath her chin, as if contemplating something.

"So why did you turn up at the Guild, call yourself a Guildmaster and "approve" my spellblade? Am I even _authorized_ to use this?"

"Don't worry about the spellblade thing. It took a bit of extra paperwork and the approval from one of the _actual_ higher-ups. I only turned up to make it seem more personal and get a look at you."

"So… You've been stalking me this entire time, haven't you?" I would have phrased it like a joke, but now I had legitimate concerns that this IF weirdo had been stalking me over the last two days.

"Yes." Wow, that was… Painfully honest. "Sorry, but when dealing with someone from another dimension, you have to take precautions. If it makes you feel any better, you don't seem to be half-bad, Koei." IF gave a ghost of a smile.

"That's nice at least," I think I deadpanned a bit. "But where does Blanc fit into all this?"

IF raised an eyebrow. "Oh, her? Yeah, that was entirely coincidental. She didn't even know who you _really_ were until I let her in. This may also explain why she rescued you at Aqualentis Lake-"

"And called me and I quote, "other-dimensional fuckbag."" I interrupted to give out that quip."Girl has anger issues."

"Speaking of," IF quickly changing the topic. "You wanted to know where she went, right? I believe at this point she'd just head to the Lowee Basilicom, north-east of here. Can't miss it, considering it's a giant castle with mushrooms on." IF helpfully described.

"Ah, thanks. Guess I'll head to the Basillicom and see where I can go from there. See ya, guildmaster." I chuckled before giving a wave to the angry middle schooler and briskly walked out of the door.

* * *

Feeling the crunch of fresh snow underneath my tread, I hustled over to the general store once again. Why? Because by god, I am bad at directions. You can point somewhere, say "go there" and I'll be fine but anything beyond that and you might not see me for three weeks.

So, a compass will do. Why not a map? Because maps don't help when you have no idea where North is. And as my destination is to the north-east… You can figure out why I'd want the simplicity of a compass.

Along with this, as this may be a bit of a long trek, I decided to stock up on some Nep Bulls. I hear these are good for restoring stamina and look like energy drinks, so I bought a 6-pack of them and stuck them in my backpack.

Now if this was like one of those post-apocalyptic survival games, I'd say I'm approaching my weight limit at this point. At the very least, with all the clothes, extra beer and healing items I now have, the bag is looking pretty tightly packed and that's a problem.

I really need to learn how to open the "inventory" already. Hammerspace is a skil I sorely need. Ah well, no time like the present. With my supplies ready and my new shiny Compass pointing north, I trudge out of Toadstool Town's north exit, take a look at my right and-

Goddammit I can see the Basilicom from here. If this was anything like _any_ normal open world game that thing would not be visible from here. Whatever, it only cost 100 Credits. With a hearty sigh, I pocket the useless trinket and head off to the Basilicom to right wrongs and possibly get a place to stay.

If anything, this felt like the start of a new arc of my time here. I have the ropes down and now I'm travelling from Toadstool Town for the first time. I'm sure it's nothing major, though.

* * *

**Arc 1 Complete!**

**Current Status:**

**Koei Tech: **Level 7 Novice Spellblade

**Party Members: **None

**Lily Ranks: IF **(Okay) **Blanc** (Hate)

**Current Skills: Frostball, Frostbolt, Frostblast, Fireball**

**Would you like to save your progress? Yes | No**

* * *

**A/N: **Okay I'm sorry, I had to leave off on a definitive end before I started working on the next arc of the plot. These last 5ish chapters have been, well, Arc 1. I feel that I've wrapped up at least _some_ of the foreshadowing I sprinkled throughout earlier chapters, without losing too much of the overlying mystery of how and why Koei is here.

As I said at the top of this chapter, this is where the pace slows down a bit in terms of writing. I'm going to need more time to work on longer, more substantial chapters, rather than the shorter vignettes that I've been plopping out. Hopefully I won't either lose the charming writing I have for Koei or that I just burn out entirely and forget about this little passion project of mine.

Why do I feel like I just set a flag? Oh well, next time on Koei Tech, **actual fucking plot!** See you then!


	6. Lost in Lastation

**A/N:** Well, that took a bit longer than I would have liked. Oh well, a short hiatus means that I have plenty of ideas, right?

**RIGHT?**

Somehow I feel this chapter is both rushed and incredibly slow at the same time. Why? Well, you'll see. Mailbag time!

**SaltyBooks:** I've been trying to hammer out a few of the grammar errors, but since this piece is already at 17k words, it's going to be tough to iron them all out. As for length... Honestly, this whole "Discovering Gameindustri" part is like, _act one._ Good god this is going to kill me.

**Blaze2121: **I'm doing my best not to burn out too quickly. Hence why this chapter took a few extra days. (I also kinda got drunk. Hey, I said Koei was an SI, where do you think the alcoholism came from!)

Oh right, I kinda said "Arc 1 Complete" at the end of last chapter. Yeah, don't expect anywhere near as much time spent in the other Nations for now. Oh and:

_"as for pairing honestly either noire cause a trolling an tsun would be funny"_

The next 5000 words are going to be very entertaining for you.

ON WITH THE TRAINWRECK!

* * *

**Loading Save File "Koei Tech"...**

**Would you like a recap? Yes | *NO**

* * *

Trudge, trudge, trudge. I'll admit, the trips to Weurld 1-1 and Aqualentis Lake? _Nothing_ on this absolute ball-buster of a snow has gotten at least ankle deep at this point, with most of it ending up melted within my now soaked socks, along with generally making my feet feel like ice.

Why am I doing this? Well, I fucked up and pissed off a goddess. I want to go apologise, partially because I do in fact, have emotions and feel bad for the poor girl and partially because I don't want to get **fucking smited.** Two perfectly reasonable reasons.

Still though, this trip is a killer on my body. Even with my jacket, the cold is biting through it. The weight on my back doesn't help at all, but I felt that if I just went with just the clothes on my back, I'd be a corpse before nightfall. Speaking of…

My watch reads 4pm. I've been trekking for what, 90 minutes at this point? Jesus. Hopefully the Basilicom is nearby. Wait, I thought I just had it? It was right there in front of me. Let me pull my compass out from my pocket…

Oh there's the problem! I was heading _northwest_, not northeast! What a silly mistake I made ha ha ha **I'm going to die here.**

Well, no point giving up now. There might be another town like Toadstool nearby that can at the very least put me up for the evening. Even if it wasn't dark _yet_, I had a few hours at best and no way to sleep outside in ankle deep snow without freezing over.

All this for a flat fairy with a foul mouth. Why do I do this to myself? I could have just stayed in Toadstool Town and become a full time adventurer. Goddammit. Ah well, no time like the present. Might as well see how far I can get before dying horribly.

Huh? Wait a moment… Why does it feel like it's getting warmer? Continuing to trudge, I heard the crunching of snow less and less, until I could see… green? Quickening my pace despite my obvious tiredness, I nearly collapsed once the ground beneath me ceased to be snowy. Good lord, I found my way out of the frozen hellhole called Lowee by complete accident! Blanc can wait, I need to rest.

Using my hefty backpack as a backrest, I sat down on the warm, inviting grass. I would just take a quick rest, then be on my way...

* * *

"Hey. Get up." A vaguely womanly voice penetrated my rest. I elicited a half hearted groan in response. I need my beauty sleep, dammit.

"Seriously? You take a nap on my land and still you have the audacity to laze about? Come on."

I wanted to tell her that I just trekked 90 minutes though ankle deep goddamn snow and to get the hell off my back, but it just came out as another groan. Eloquent as ever.

I suddenly felt a pain in my leg. "Agh, fuck!" I jolted awake to see that the sky was significantly _more orange_ than it was before. I checked what time it was an- **7AM? I WAS OUT FOR 14 HOURS?**

Brushing myself off before standing up, a young woman met my gaze. Her fashion sense was first of all, _yikes._ Frills everywhere, black white, red and blue all clashing, weird buttons on a two layer dress and **is that a fucking bow?** Jesus.

Moving onto more natural features, her hair was a light ebony. A shame that it wasn't full on black, but I suppose when you're making bows you don't have time for hair care. Speaking of, it went down in twin tails, accompanied by bows too, because clearly this nutjob didn't have enough frilly fucking clothing. At the very least, this woman seemed to have a chest worth speaking about. Don't look at me like that, her dress has a built in bra to accentuate her meat. Looking away from the chest, her arms had stockings with what, opals embedded where the back of the hand should be? Good lord, my eyes.

Finally taking my eyes away from the trainwreck that was this girls' clothing, I met her ruby eyes which seemed to be pointed right at me in a very angry fashion. The fact that she had a few centimetres over me did not help.

"What? Your fashion sense is awful." I explained in the most diplomatic way I could, as if she could read my mind.

This was not the answer she wanted, surprisingly. She almost seemed offended, judging by the blush starting to form on her face. "W-well, you have the _nerve to wear_ that Lowee crap in _my_ nation and you have the _AUDACITY_ to call my glorious, hand-crafted fashion revolution _AWFUL_?"

Man, imagine if people were this delusional over their works of garbage.

Feeling chill in the air, I took a step back before a short sword similar to Serenity occupied the place where my facehole was.

"**I'LL END YOU, YOU FASHION HATING PHILISTINE!**" she yelled, as I took out the aforementioned Serenity and prepared to fight.

"Alright, but if your impractical clothing happens to fly off during the fight, don't blame me if I take a peek." I wasn't intending this as another stab against her fashion choices, just a matter of fact.

You'll never guess how _she_ took it.

Inhuman screams of rage erupted from her as she charged forward, preparing an overhead strike. I wanted to keep my skull unbroke, opted to dodge to my right. Unsurprisingly, she swung the sword down so hard it impaled itself into the grass, rendering it stuck. As she was attempting to pick it up, I kicked her away from the sword and pointed Serenity at her.

"Checkmate."

"Not on my watch, philistine!" she said with...a grin of determination? Why was I suddenly hearing anime transformation mu- oh this is the CPU of Lastation, isn't it?

My genre savviness was right on the mark, as similarly to Blanc, the girl's body was enveloped into blinding light, before a spandex covered leg booted me down.

Compared to her human form, Black Heart was _far, __**far**_ less gaudy. A simple, unburdened head of white hair accompanied by cyan eyes and (shocker) a black spandex suit that covered the bare basics, but not much more.

I gave a sly smile. "You know, most people save the gaudy costuming for _after_ they transform. This form isn't half bad compared to whatever your human form is."

Black Heart's power-icon eyes dropped to a half lidded expression. "Seriously?" her voice certainly sounded less grating too.

"Ehh, the voice certainly sounds a bit too haughty, though. I know you're meant to be a goddess and all but you really do sound like you have something to prove with that voice. Could you make it less superior soun- oh shit!" I quickly dodged a _suspiciously larger blade_ that she did not have a moment ago.

"Will you shut up already? You insult my country by lazily napping in it, you insult my features and worst of all, _**you insulted my fashion!**_ That is the last straw, time to die!"

Dodging several more sword slashes, I did start getting the feeling that I was outmatched by a _significant amount. _I didn't just piss off a mindless turtle or whale this time, I pissed off a **physical goddess.** Again.

I really did need to stop pissing off random important looking women. Or just women in general. If I survive this, I'll work on it. For now…

"Time to chill out Black Heart! **FROSTBLAST!**" I pointed my high powered ice spell towards the very angry goddess before the inevitable recoil of Frostblast kicked in. To my shock,while the blast pushed me back, I was able to keep standing and could actually see the effect of Frostblast.

To my ongoing surprise, it actually nailed her in one of her holographic wings, causing her to fall back and onto one knee from the shock. I don't know if that did any _damage_, but it might just have impeded her mobility?

Turning to her injured wing and then back to me, Black Heart gave me a stare that could kill before standing back up. She still had her oversized sword and greater experience, but I took away her ability to fly.

The scales were evened out a bit at least, I could do this! I could wi-

"I trie of your struggle," Black Heart's sword started glowing. Why was it glowing? "Let me show you my _own_ special move! **TORNADO SWORD!**" Oh good, now it was freaking huge.

The sword swung so fast despite its size that dodging it was impossible. I felt less like being slashed with a sword and more like being smashed with a wave of pure energy.

Now combine this with my relatively low level and the fact I was fighting a fucking CPU and you could probably tell what happened. After the blow I stumbled back, barely able to keep Serenity in my grip, my vision blurring as I collapsed onto one knee. I put a hand to the part of my chest that hurt the most for a moment. I felt warm liquid. No, god no.

My hand shaking as I took it off, I looked at my palm. Blood. She drew blood. And it was a blow all the way across my chest. Hopelessness filled my being. My bag was way out of reach. There was no one to save me this time, as my attacker _was_ the CPU.

Struggling to lift my head, I looked Black Heart dead in the eye. Despite our conflict, she seemed… shocked? Almost concerned? A flash of light and she was back to her human form. She was… Rushing over to me? My senses were dimming, I could barely hear anything but the blood rushing through and out of my chest.

"Do….. ie….me!" She yelled. I couldn't hear her. Death was calling me. My energy was drained, I was done for. Collapsing to my side, I felt my vision turn to black. Game over man, game over.

* * *

…

…

…

_Beep, Beep, Beep._

The hell? Why was there beeping? What happened? The last thing I remember… Right, I died. Again. Or at least I collapsed from blood loss after being owned by Black Heart. That was embarrassing after I made fun of her fashion. I kinda feel bad now, but hopefully I wasn't in Lastation anymore.

Opening my eyes, I was in fact, in a hospital. Was that entire RPG thing just a dream? I took a look around and found nothing that would be out of place outside my homeland. That would be a bit of a copout, honestly. Especially since that second death was way more wimpy than the first. I died to a single fucking hit. I forgot my limits, I took on a CPU and this is what happened.

Taking the so thin it could qualify for paper blanket off my body I- **JESUS FUCK.**

So the good news is that I'm not _dead. _The bad news is that there's a giant fucking scar across my chest, starting from just above my right kidney to just below the left ribcage. No wonder I bled out within 30 seconds, she _literally slashed my entire chest open._

Still though, this left the problem of clothing. As my jacket was _probably ruined_ with that slash (Along with my shirt, dammit.), this only left my old, dirty clothes as an option to wear if I was ever to get out of here.

Aside from the initial shock though, the scar seemed… Not that bad? Sure, It's _still a scar_, but I'm pretty sure that a scar a sword bigger than a person should be bigger than this. It also didn't really ache? Sure, _now_ that I see it I can feel a dull ache but if I ignored it for a few moments, I don't think I'd notice anything different.

_Knock Knock_

"Who are you and what the hell do you want?" I ask with absolutely no fucks to give in my voice. The door opens to reveal Black Heart again. The fuck.

"Came to see your handiwork?" I don't even bother hiding my exposed upper half. I don't have anything to hide, much less my gnarly scar.

As she was taking a moment to respond, I took a look at her. Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes had bags underneath them. Hell, they seemed puffy. What, did her dog die?

"I'm… Sorry." She muttered, barely audible. "I really shouldn't have attacked you, much less use my CPU form against a human. Not only was it an entirely unfair fight, but I nearly killed an innocent over a trivial matter. I'm only happy that you're alright." Her sincerity seemed 100% genuine and judging from her shabby appearance, she took it **hard.**

I had to take a minute to process this. "So, you kick me in the leg, challenge me to a fight, _transform into your CPU form, let me get one attack off on you __**and then you unleash a special move, scar me across the chest and nearly kill me**__, __**And you're fucking SORRY?**_"

She seemed visibly shaken by how quickly my voice raised. I could start to see tears in her eyes. I quickly realized that she just wanted to apologize. I thought back to when I tried to help Blanc and how she violently rejected it. I shouldn't do the same.

"My apologies, Lady Black Heart. It's just a bit of a shock. All of _this_ is." I say, all emotion leaving my voice as I waved my hands around. "If it makes you feel any better, I shouldn't have gone so far with the fashion comments. It seems like the kind of thing you made yourself and I should have noticed that sooner. I probably brought it on myself."

She seemed to perk up a little bit. Seems she wasn't completely over those insults. "It's a-alright," she put a finger in her hair and started to twirl it. "These a-are just designer clothes I b-bought. Nothing I made myself."

That was bull. But I had other matters to attend to than open up that rabbit hole again. "Why are you here, anyway? As the CPU of Lastation, surely you have other duties?" Ah shit, I did it again.

"I've been… Unable to work properly since the incident. Every time I sit down to do paperwork or go out on a quest all I see is myself overstepping my bounds again and hurting someone." Even with paperwork? What? "But… Now that I see you're awake and at least getting better, I can rest easy now. It's been a rough three days to say the least… Koei, was it?"

I nodded, not wanting to interrupt her.

"I've left your stuff inside the cupboard there. When you get discharged, come to the Lastation Basilicom. I'll explain more there. Get well soon." And so, she left.

_Beep, Beep, Beep_

I was alone with the goddamn beeping again. But I was… happier? It was weird to make an enemy with someone then forgive them just as quickly. Still, I suppose that petty matters such as fashion sense really are silly in the grand scheme of things. I can't believe I almost died over that sort of thing.

Still though, a few days to contemplate and recover shouldn't be too bad. Oh, what am I saying, I'll just be discharged as soon as I can get up to walk to the bathroom, might as well make the most of this brief time I have.

Getting up from the bed itself didn't feel _that bad_, all things considered. There was some ache, which was expected, but nothing major. More importantly, I needed my stuff back. Opening up the cupboard, Black Heart wasn't lying. Both my trusty backpack and Serenity laid within, seemingly having been cleaned up a bit too. How nice.

What was important were the healing potions I still had from previous quests. Opening up the bag and digging through the various garbage in there (And grabbing the shirt I arrived here in.), I pulled out a Healing Potion, cracked it open and swigged.

Strange, This didn't taste like energy drinks. Taking a look at the can…

Ah. That's the problem. I grabbed a beer instead. Inspecting the can, it seemed to be green with a nice X logo in there. "Leanbox Brand Beer" it said proudly. I mean it tasted _alright,_ no worse than the "Imported beer" I drank back home, but I really wanted to try one of those healing potions just in case.

Sadly, the door swung open before I could grab one. Turning around, I saw a generic doctor NPC look at me with surprise. "Koei! You're awake… And drinking. I see."

Looking at the can and back to the doctor, I _tried_ to explain myself. "I wanted a healing potion but my bag is so full of crap that I grabbed the wrong thing. Want some?"

The doctor put his hand up. "No thank you, I just wanted to tell you that you're free to go anytime. Though I would refrain from questing for a while."

I stared. "But… That's my _job._I can't make money without a _job._" I explained reasonably. "Imagine if you couldn't do your doctor duties for a while."

"I can, because I was given my two weeks notice yesterday." he deadpanned.

"Oh. Hope that works out for you."

He shrugged. "I've heard that mercenary groups are in dire need for medics over in the PC Continent, so I'll live. Ah well, time to go tell more patients to get out. Toodles! Don't go murdering things!" He left as abruptly as he arrived.

Well, shit. I hope Black Heart doesn't mind me hanging out with her for a while then. She did say to head over to the Basilicom when I got discharged, right? Maybe I won't get lost this time.

* * *

Finally getting out of the hospital, I embraced the lovely Lastation air…

Then fucking choked on it. Good god. It was like being in a room of 50 people who smoked like chimneys. Agh. Shouldn't have breathed in so much, I think I cut 5 years off my lifespan from that alone.

Looking around, the place was certainly far more industrialized than Lowee, for better or worse. While Lowee felt like the hometown I grew up in, Lastation certainly felt like the large city I had spent my last few years in. Bustling, full of business types and generally practical, but unpleasant to live in.

As for the Basilicom… Well, I assumed it was the large building with a giant fucking satalite dish poking out of it. I don't even know if that's _practical_ at that size, but it must get some good TV.

Sauntering on over, I did find the Basilicom after a few minutes. Or what I assumed to be the entrance of it, because there were two guards dressed in fancy black armor guarding it.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" one guard yelled as I approached them." YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!"

The other guard visibly facepalmed, the armored glove making a clunk against the helmet. "Goddammit Jeff. You do this _every time_ Black Heart invites someone. Go right ahead, Koei. Lady Black Heart waits for you in her chambers. Take the elevator, third door on the left."

Wow, they even knew my name. Convenient. I followed his instructions to the letter, though it was entirely unnecessary as Black Heart's chamber had a far more regal door than the other rooms.

Right, this place looked like a medieval castle. It was kinda dope, honestly. As someone who grew up in a country with a rich history of that time period, seeing a similar style to the monarchs of old being used for Black Heart's living quarters really made me regret calling out her fashion choices. Assuming this was _her_ doing and this not just being the default for a CPUs place.

Right, Black Heart herself. I knocked on the large, gold decorated door. All I heard was a simple "Come in~", so I obliged.

When the guard said this was her chambers, they were not kidding. What could only be described as a goddess-sized bed lay on one end of the room, decorated in regal black and gold covers and sheets. Hell, a lot of the room itself was some combination of gold, black and red. Black Heart herself stood at the edge of the room, her figure facing towards the wall that was covered in glass. It was a striking, yet imposing image.

"Koei Tech." She stated simply before turning around, her red eyes glinting in the light and a determined grin crossing her face. "I've been waiting for you."

…

…

…

"And?" I try to continue the conversation. Seriously, she held for dramatic effect like this was a cliffhanger, but in an actual conversation, that just comes off as weird.

Seemingly flustered, Black Heart turned back around before I could see her blush. She failed. "Y-yes, I've been waiting. I wanted to formally apologize for my attack on you three days ago. It was disgraceful as a CPU and wish to make it up to you to the best of my ability."

I approached her, eventually standing in the light of the windows myself. "You don't really need to. I overstepped my bounds that day too. If anything, this has taught me some humility. That and your fashion sense isn't _entirely_ stupid."

I could still see the blush in her cheeks. She was kind of adorable when flustered. This big, bad goddess really did seem to feel bad about a single mortal. "O-of course, the great Noire's fashion sense is perfect! One day you'll learn the full majesty of it, but for now I think we need to figure out where to go from here."

Noire, huh? Should have seen that coming after Blanc. Confirmation is nice though. "Well, I've been told to not do any questing for `a while`', so I have some free time. Going to need a place to stay though, because… "I looked at my watch-attached arm "It's about 5pm now and I don't think I'll have the credits for a hotel here in Central Lastation."

Was this all a ploy for a free night in a Basilicom? Maybe, but I really didn't want to sink any Credits from my savings account without the ability to earn more. Plus Noire _did_ owe me. Speaking of, she had regained composure at this point and turned to look me in the eye. It was slightly intimidating having someone who looked barely 16 _still_ have a few centimeters over me, though. Especially with those eyes.

"Very well," she stated in an authoritarian voice. "I'll arrange for you to stay here in the Basilicom tonight in one of the guest bedrooms. Just don't screw anything up. And don't leave too early tomorrow either, I'll need you for something."

Oh here we go. Before I could respond, my stomach answered for me and roared. Right, I haven't eaten since that noodle way back in the Lowee Hostel. "Excuse me." I stated, before walking out of the bedroom awkwardly, before looking around for a vaguely kitchen-like door.

Before I could find one though, Noire came through the doors to stand by me again. "W-where are you going? I can ask the staff to just _make_ you some food you know!" She seemed slightly annoyed at my faux pas. I was too, but for different reasons.

"Well, I don't mean to intrude on their work or anything." I really didn't. I'd worked in a kitchen before, making food for hungry college students. It was stressful, hot and most egregiously, _unpaid_ work. But it was good work experience.

"Nonsense. All they're doing is making one extra portion of food. Come along now, you said it was 5pm? It should be ready soon." Noire walked off in a seemingly random direction and I followed suit.

Well, my stomach did. I wasn't entirely on board with the concept still. But hey, turning down a free meal would be rather rude to the CPU of Lastation, right?

* * *

Nothing really of note happened during the dinner. Sure, I could bore you with the details of what I ate (as it turns out it was less of a traditional meal and more of a buffet.), but I'm nowhere near the skill ceiling to describe the immaculate food that the staff at the Basilicom serve. They deserved a raise.

Still, with my stomach packed with food and with it only being… 6pmish, I had some hours left before I turned in. Thankfully by this point, the staff had prepared my room. If I expected anything other than a smaller version of Noire's bedroom, I might have been disappointed, because that's what I got. Smaller bed, a more _boring and traditional_ window rather than the dramatic wall covered in glass, that sort of thing.

Sitting down on the cozy looking bed, bag in tow, I wondered about my next move. I couldn't stay in Lastation forever. Even _if_ Noire didn't get sick of my… Charm, I didn't want to be holed up in Lungcancerstation for any longer than I needed to be. I'd also prefer it if I never came back ,but one step at a time here.

Still, how am I going to get out of here? Questing was out of the option and I know I'd be ganked as soon as I took 5 steps out of Lastation. I've seen bullshit random encounter mechanics before and this time my life literally depends on it, dammit!

_Knock knock_

I roll my eyes. Can't get a moment of peace around here, huh. "Come in." I say dejectedly. Shock of shocks, it was Noire.

"Hey. I just wanted, to uh… Check on you." Noire stated simply.

I for one cannot stand small talk so I decided to come right out with it. "Lastation is cool and all, but is there any way I can leave without being molested 5 steps outside the city limits?"

Noire was understandably shocked by my no-shits given attitude. To her credit though, she regained composure pretty quickly. She must be getting used to it. "Uh, yeah actually. Lastation has a subway system that connects to the other Nations. It's actually part of why I investigated the rumors of you sleeping on the border, since almost nobody is stupid enough to trek from Lowee to Lastation or vice-versa."

That explains… Some things. "Sweet. So is this subway free or do I have to your know, fork out Credits?"

Noire shrugged. "It's funded by the CPUs. One of the few things we could agree on before the War kicked off. Now we just keep it going because it was really popular with our citizens, regardless of nation."

That makes sense. Free public international travel _would _be a popular thing. Still though, _before_ the war? Surely the subway hasn't been around for that long, which means…

"Noire, how long _has_ this war been going on for?" I had to know at this point. Doesn't really seem like _much_ of a war, but if it's especially heated, I'd have to keep quiet about meeting both Noire and Blanc in the other nations. Just in case, of course.

Noire placed a finger to her chin, almost pondering how long it had been. "Probably a few years, at least. Though people call it the Console "War", it's really just us all competing harder for Shares, as somehow our presence has been yielding less and less over the past few years. Lowee seems to hit especially hard…"

I tilt my head in confusion. If Lowee's been hit hard by a lack of Shares… "Do you have some chart I can look at real quick for the relative shares between each Nation?"

Noire's face lights up. "Of course! Lastation is all about producting reports and charts. Let me just bring up the latest one my Oracle made…" She placed her arms in front of her, before slowly spreading them out to reveal a holographic screen that hadn't been there before.

Walking around to Noire's side of it, various numbers and news reports scrolled across it, nearly impossible to read. Noire however, pointed at one chart, dragged it to the relative center and tapped it, causing it to take up the entire focus.

"Neat trick." I noted before analysing the chart. It was a simple bar chart depicting the Share percentage of each nation.

**Planeptune: 15%**

**Lastation: 30%**

**Leanbox: 50%**

**Lowee: 5%**

"Jesus fuck." I mutter to myself. Blanc's _really_ struggling for relevance it seems. Meanwhile Noire has over 6x the Share count she did. No wonder she took me out in one hit.

My muttering didn't go unnoticed, apparently. "For whatever reason, Leanbox keeps acquiring Shares relatively easily and I don't get _why._ I've had my researchers try to find a correlation, but nothing in particular has come up. It's so maddening!"

I look at her with genuine curiosity. "While you mind find it frustrating, you do an above average Share count. And even if you didn't, you're still _second_, so it can't be all bad, right?"

Noire sighed. "Yeah, I suppose when your patron CPU's doing the worst she ever did, you'd have to find solace somewhere else." Before the screen closed, leaving the room silent again.

That comment left me rather confused though. "Patron CPU? Do you think I worship Bla- Lady White Heart?" I suppose the circumstances line up. But Blanc _despises_ me right now. I couldn't support that, could I? Though now that I know her Shares are so dire, I can finally see why she didn't even want to take a break.

"Well, you have Lowee branded clothing, your sword has a Lowee scabbard and we met on the Lastation/Lowee border, what other conclusion am I supposed to make?" Noire took me out of my contemplating. She had a _point_ too.

"Does that bother you, Noire? If it does, I could find a hotel for the night."

Noire seemed to take offense to that. "Of course not! Even if I didn't owe you for what happened, I couldn't let _any_ citizen, Lastation or not sleep rough! I'm not a monster!"

Taking a few steps back and supporting myself on a wall, I let loose a question that had started to bubble up since I learned of the Console War. "Do you desire peace?"

Since I was now behind her, I couldn't see Noire's expression, though I once again saw her finger going underneath her chin, barely. Silence brewed between us for a few moments. "I do. Not only for myself, but for all of Lastation. I know how worrying it must be for my citizens to have to worry about their CPU on a daily basis, hoping and praying she wins out in this glorified popularity contest. But I'm the only one out of four. If they want to continue this fight, I'll have to do so too or look weak in comparison."

I suppose that's quite an undertaking, expecting your enemies to grow as weary as you and opt to simply give up peacefully. "I see. Apologies if that seemed personal, I'll keep this between me and you."

This wasn't a complete lie. I just had to keep the information locked up until I could confirm that they all wanted peace. "Is that all that you wanted, Noire?"

Noire seemed to be in a similar funk. "Oh, yeah. Sorry to be a bother. Have a good evening Koei. Don't forget to see me tomorrow." She walked out, closing the door behind her, finally leaving me at peace.

Peace… Could Gamindustri be at peace? Sure, the Console "War" isn't really a war, with citizens living out their lives as if nothing was wrong, but could the CPUs bury the hatchet? They seem fairly human, despite their power.

I reached into my bag, grabbed a Leanbox Beer and cracked it open. Fuck it, it's been a _long_ day. I don't need to worry about this now. Despite having 3 days of rest, it felt like I hadn't slept since leaving Lowee.

Maybe I should visit another nation tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N:** Me not so subtly hinting at what the next chapter will entail for poor Koei. And yes, I did have him one shot by Black Heart.

Why? Because I need to justify the travelling to other nations somehow. What better than a forced break? All the ingenuity in the world can't really beat a CPU. Like, have you played literally _any_ game in this franchise? Poor Koei had no chance in hell.

Now this is where the part where you think "Oh, can we decide if Koei goes to Planeptune or Leanbox?", ehhh no. While I have ideas for both Leanbox and Planeptune, one of them relies on mechanics from RB1 and Planeptune does _not_ meet those. Not even close.

Leanbox would probably be a bit of a rehash of Lastation though. I actually wanted to put a lot of dialogue about the Console War next chapter, but it kinda made sense that if Noire and Koei aren't trying to murder each other, that Koei would ask for a CPU's perspective on things. Still, I can mix things up. I have a certain singer in mind for a cameo. PLAY ME OUT 5PB.!

_Dimension Tripper! starts playing as I throw myself out of a window_


	7. Green and Lean(box)

**A/N:** Ow. Don't self-defenstrate, kids. Also don't promise to write an entire arc in one chapter, even to yourself. Still a big ol' chunky chapter, but not as big as last time.

Why? Because this is another Part 1. But hey, there'll be LESS stomach wounds this time, I promise.

Ah, here's the mail now. Thank you, Muffins.

_the mail is covered in crumbs_

You're fired, Muffins. Go let Dinky starve.

**blacksoul123:** Eventually. Obviously this isn't a romance novel, so don't expect Koei to be falling in love. Maybe a side character can get some action, though...

**Blaze1212:** I want to keep Koei's power level reasonable. Though a Gold Third-esque transformation (Or Re;birth 3's Awakening mechanic) would be a decent way to get some action going. I certainly have an _idea_ of what Koei's advancements are going to be (Partly inspired by Date a Live's Tohko, because spellblades) but it's certainly not finalised yet. Just note that his current skillset _may _be getting an upgrade soon to keep things interesting.

Or I could write another 5 slow chapters with 0 action. (Oh and why Blanc was able to smash Koei across the lake back in chapter 3? The general force of her speeding isn't affected by Shares. Nobody brought it up but I figured I'd nip that in the bud now. God I'm like J.K. Rowling with these retcons.)

**SaltyBooks: **It's becoming a running theme that when someone comments something I sneakily include it in the next chapter while being vague as all hell. New faces and old will join Koei on his quest to... Not fucking die.

**endershadow98:** Ah, am I that predictable? Guess I'll have to drop that joke, then.

Before we go back to everyone's favourite dipshit arsonist, I'd like a bit of feedback. "The Misadventures of Koei Tech" is a bit generic sounding and I'll admit that titles aren't my forte. I did come up with an alternate title, though. "**Sociopath with a Spellblade**". I won't change it now because I want to know if that's better sounding. I feel it fits the darker, self deprecating humor more and isn't a ripoff of "The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy". (I do feel bad for using the same title format as a much better story.)

Oh and if you do have any suggestions, go ahead and leave a review. Obviously I'm going to attempt replying to all of them chapter by chapter. (I'd respond more directly but this isn't a much better designed site. **Editor's Note: **Apparently links get deleted when saving on documents. Oops. Well, it's the pony fanfic site that's better designed.)

**Back to the pain!**

* * *

A new day and a new headache awaited me as I slowly awoke to the sound of something beeping. At first I thought I was at the hospital again. Thankfully for my declining sanity, it was just the alarm I set on my digital watch. Technology is so useful!

Dragging myself out of dreamland, I slid out of bed and put on the clothes I wore yesterday. I got so caught up in war talk that I forgot to ask if Noire had a washing machine. Oh well, such is life. Checking the contents of my bag, it certainly felt lighter. The various beer cans scattered around the bed answered as to why. Being the irresponsible adult that I am, I of course cleaned up after myself. Thankfully the room included a bin to place things in, though I had to crush a few cans to make them all fit in. Hopefully room service won't mind that.

Finally stepping out of the bedroom with Serenity safely tucked into the newly freed up backpack, I headed towards Noire's room. She wanted to see me after all.

*knock knock*

"Oh! Just a minute!" came a panicked voice from across the door. Seems I wasn't the only late riser in Lastation. Doing as instructed, I checked my watch. 10:10am, sounds about right for me, but doesn't Noire have work?

These thoughts were interrupted by the large double golden doors opening surprisingly quickly, revealing a slightly disheveled Noire. Truly a CPU, sleeping in and only being woken up by the guest simply exudes _elegance._

"Mornin' Sleeping Beauty, you wanted me for something before I left?" I casually greet and get to the point of seeing her again. What, you think I _like_ her? _Well, maybe a little bit…_

"Ah, yes!" Noire gave her best "I was totally expecting this and you didn't catch me off guard" impression. It worked surprisingly well. "I was working on something for you all throughout last night. I was only going to work on it for a few hours, then I noticed that I could make it better and by the time I snapped out of it the sun was rising."

Relatable. I often got caught up in watching an anime series late at night and not really stopping until the run rose. Not particularly healthy, but now that I have a self appointed job, I can't really do that anymore. Also I have nothing to stream it on anyway. Bah, losing everything sucks.

In this moment of self-reflection, Noire had already walked back into her room and brought me her project. It was a pair of gloves. That's right, she worked all night on a pair of fucking gloves. Fingerless ones at that. Finally, I can be the edgy anime protagonist I never wanted to be!

**Item Acquired: User Interface (UI) Gloves!**

**Allows the user to access the InterNep with a snap of their fingers! (Warning, snaps may cause total universal annihilation. Lastation holds no responsibility for any addictions caused by the InterNep, this product is simply a medium to access it. Anything else is on YOU, buddy.)**

"You remember that "Neat Trick" I pulled last night? Put those on and do the same thing." I complied, the gloves being a surprisingly comfortable fit. Doing the same stance as Noire did, I then spread out my arms. Lo and behold, a similar screen to hers appeared.

"It's a user interface developed by Lastation. Mostly meant for on the go office work, but it can also allow you access to your inventory, among other features." Noire explained from behind the screen, while various windows and whatnot flew across.

Then a book fairy appeared. No, seriously. It was a fairy sat on a book. Oh god this is a tutorial NPC isn't it.

"Hello! I'm Histoire!" the book chirped happily. "Would you like a tutorial on how to use your new UI Gloves?"

NO. I declined the offer and this "Histoire" got sad. "Oh. Well, if you need any help, there's always a help section. Whether you're just starting out or want to know the advanced features, I'm happy to help!" And with that, she disappeared. Fucking tutorial NPCs.

Noire who was now by my side pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, that's a bug we can't fix for some reason. She just inserts herself into each firmware update. Hell, we've even made experimental builds for _one specific pair_ and she turns up. I swear Planeptune are spying on us somehow."

Oh yeah, Histoire's the Oracle for Planeptune. Maybe I should head there and ask why she's hacking Lastation tech. Oh well. Stumbling around the menus for a few minutes (Which would have taken less time to get to grips with than a tutorial, go away Histoire), I finally found the Inventory tab. Lo and behold, it listed both what I had on me and what I had stored in the Guild.

"Why do you have a burned stump in your inventory?" Noire looked at me with a concerned stare. Oh yeah, _that_ incident. Man, it's been a while since I had a proper battle that wasn't interrupted by goddesses. Or ended with a severe stomach injury. Man, I _suck_ at this gig.

"Reasons." I say, before storing my backpack and all the related stuff into the Guild inventory, before using the opportunity to grab a pair of Nep Bulls, which conveniently appeared in each hand. "Wanna Nep Bull? You look tired."

Noire shrugged. "Not my _favourite_, but if it's free…" She accepted and opened the can, as did I. Taking a sip…

Yeah it was energy drink alright. High sugar, high caffeine, probably going to give me diabetes in 10 years. I did feel my scar hurt less though. Using my free hand to check, I was surprised. Did it look smaller? Was this scar actually healing? Nah, seeing things. Putting my shirt back down, I closed the menu.

"Thanks Noire, this'll help a lot." I say earnestly. "You know, I thought that all CPUs were overly angry psychopaths who care more about working than their health. While you certainly don't help on the working part… Well, you get the picture." Emotional speeches? Not my strong suit.

Still, it seemed to have worked, considering Noire's adorable blush. "H-hey, I'm not a workaholic! I can stop anytime I want!"

"And I can stop drinking any time I want." I said coyly, before summoning a beer with a quick thought somehow. UI Gloves, don't question it. "Want a beer? It's 5pm somewhere in Gamindustri."

Noire gave me a half lidded stare. "Point taken and no thank you." I placed the beer back. Apparently I had at least 6 left. Convenient.

"If that'll be all," I started my tragic goodbye. "Be seein' ya fashionista." I gave a quick salute before strolling out of the bedroom.

"Well at least i'm not a goddamn philistine!" Noire shouted back, much to my amusement. Ah, screwing with her was far too easy. Heading to the elevator, it seemed to be occupied. Strangte, it was heading to this floor, too. Once it opened, a… Person stepped out.

Well, one thing was certain, they worked for Lastation. Their clothing was cothered in black, only accented by the occasional blue and white. It was striking, to say the only other colour on them was a red badge on their breast. Looking down for a moment, their jacket had two coattails at the end, followed by a pair of shorts. All that was left were some skin tight socks and _holy shit are those shoes glowing I want a pair!_

Ah, shouldn't stare too much. Looking back up, their hair was the only major part of their body _not _covered in black, being instead a glorious old person silver. Despite this their face looked pretty young. Probably about my age, but honestly I can't even tell what gender they are, let alone age.

"Of course." _she_ finally stated, in bureaucratic "This is not in my fucking pay grade" tone, "I take my federally mandated day off and Lady Noire has slept with a man. Typical. Guess I'll have to make room in the finances for some CPU Birth Control."

_**Hold the fuck up lady. **_"Uhhh… I slept in the _guest_ bedroom, miss…?

"Kei Jinguji, though I will only accept Kei, Koei Tech." How the fuck?

"You are going 200 miles a minute here Kei. First of all, I did **NOT** fuck Noire!" I say in no certain terms at a volume where Noire could hear me. Hearing an eep of embarrassment, I felt a small sense of smugness before continuing. "Also, how the hell do you know who I am? Even Noire didn't know who I was before we met yes- four days ago." I corrected myself. I like to discount the first meeting. Didn't end well for either of us.

"Information is the nature of my job, Koei." Kei crossed her arms. "I've actually been gathering a report on you since you arrived and was about to give it to Lady Noire once I came back from my federally mandated day off. But it seems she knows who you are already. For better or worse." Her disinterested expression did harden a bit. Jeez, she must know what I said to Blanc or something.

"Well, whatever you found out about me… I uhh… Swear most of it was accidental."

"I can see that." Despite being shorter than me, Kei still gave off an intimidating aura of bureaucratic supremacy. "You don't really seem competent enough to be a threat to anyone but yourself, let alone Lastation. Not entirely wasted time, considering your exploits rang some alarm bells, but I wish I spent my time better." Wow. What a bitch.

"Right… I'mma just leave now so have a nice life Kei." I stepped around the businesswoman and got the _hell_ outta there. Her aura was like Blanc's but with her hair trigger temper replaced with disinterest for anything that wasn't business related. Also I think she wasn't _as_ flat.

That terrifying encounter aside, it was still early in the day, I had UI Gloves and the power of the subway to take me to any Nation I wanted. Despite my thoughts earlier, I had a niggling feeling that going to Planeptune would set _something_ off and wouldn't allow me to explore the other nation in peace. So, TO LEANBOX!

Have you ever been to a subway? Then you've seen the Lastation subway. Cold air blasting from the tunnel, the smell of dampness, a couple of musicians with tip jars, that sorta thing. Really nothing spectacular compared to either Lastation or the Basilicom.

Thankfully the UI Gloves let me hide Serenity in my inventory, so when the security searched me (For _obvious_ reasons, considering the tight space and amount of people who could theoretically whip out a weapon.), I headed straight to the next train for Plane- Nah, Leanbox.

The Histy Mystery was cool and all, but the chatter I heard around Lastation both to and from the Basilicom made it sound like a cleaner, more relaxed nation, without it being absurdly cold. Which was good, because I had no jacket at the moment and still wanted to save Credits until I could properly Quest again. Sound enough reasoning to ignore Lowee again, I feel!

Yes I do have a problem with confrontation. Especially against a girl who could kick my ass, even at 5% Shares.

Waiting impatiently for the next subway to Leanbox, I opened up my menu using the UI gloves and took a few minutes to browse the menus. It was mostly business stuff, such as Share count, general business news and even a screen showing stocks in Gamindustri. None of this was really relevant to me aside from the Share count. Checking it, it was unsurprisingly the same as it was yesterday. It had only been 15-ish hours since I saw it last, so it might be a once a day thing. Or just that it hadn't changed at all. Either way, it would pay to keep an eye on this.

Aside from that, there was more general news and rumors, so I decided to read up on rumors. Might give me a good laugh while I waited for this subway.

* * *

**Fake CPU Spotted?**

_Many people know of our glorious CPU, Purple Heart. However, recently people have been spotting another "CPU" flying about the city, sporting much lighter, non-twintailed hair. While no photos have emerged of this mysterious entity, eyewitnesses have confirmed that it couldn't have been CPU White Heart, due to her quote "Having a fucking chest". While this could simply be a trick of the light, keep an eye on the skies in Planeptune and __**shoot to kill for our glorious CPU Purple Heart!**_

_Article submitted by user NepFan100_

* * *

What the fuck. Even if this was a fake CPU, maybe don't try and kill them "for the glory of Purple Heart"? Jesus christ, the shit they publish. I decided to move to more general news before I got angry at stupidity.

* * *

**5pb. Concert Today! No Tickets Required!**

_5pb., the smash hit idol of Leanbox announced yesterday that her latest concert would not even require a ticket. In the brief interview we gave to her, she said this:_

"_While I work primarily for Green Heart, I think anyone should have the opportunity to listen to my song!"_

_Yup, that's the entire interview. So if you're in Leanbox today, go ahead and rock out to everyone's favorite Leanbox star! Don't Dimension Tripper over yourself in the rush, though!_

_Article submitted by journalist __Aya Shameimaru_

* * *

Saccharine content and what I _presumed _was an attempt at a pun aside, this gave me something to do in Leanbox. Convenient! The subway was also about a minute away from arriving! Even more convenient!

What, do you expect me to describe the trip to Leanbox? It was an uneventful commute, thankfully. Why? Because the tunnel that connected Lastation and Leanbox was _fucking underwater._ The view was breathtaking, even if I got a few shivers from the Whales seemingly glaring at me.

Aside from that though, it was totally uneventful. For safety reasons, you can't access inventory with your UI gloves while on the subway itself. That's the excuse anyway, I think they just wanted me to indulge in overpriced food.

It seems it was working, because in this hour long subway (Hey, Leanbox is really far from the mainland.), my stomach was complaining about missing breakfast. How inconvenient, I didn't have my Credits on me and I couldn't open my inventory! Guess I'll just have to get something at the station!

Guess who thought around that immaculate logic? Because when the catering tray came around to ask if anyone wanted a snack, they verified payment by _scanning your hand._ You know, the same method as signing up to the guild? Admittedly it was pretty clever and without an inventory to open, you couldn't just bring your own food, so I relented and bought a bagel.

But wait, you couldn't buy ONE bagel, oh no no no. You had to buy TWO bagels! Oh and they came with filling at least, but that's another excuse to ramp up the price. Fucking scam artists. All in all, it cost over 250 Credits just for a freakin' bagel. At least it tasted nice for a train bagel. The butter was creamy, the outside was lightly toasted and warm to the touch, the bacon was crispy, the egg was runny, but not enough to spill out of the bagel…

Yeah… They were pretty good bagels. Not really worth 1/4th of a bed back in Toadstool Town, though.

Aside from **that**, the trip to Leanbox was unremarkable. Arriving at the station, I simply walked out of the building. Yeah I'll describe the bagels but not the subway stations. They're just stations for trains. Though I found it odd that a subway would have two tracks. Then again, I suppose only having one train would be quite painful to wait for, especially with it being hourly.

* * *

Exiting the station, I took a good long inhale of the Leanbox air. I didn't choke this time either, progress! The place itself was a compromise of Lowee ad Lastation. Certainly more old-timey than Lastation, but it had some modernization that Lowee didn't.

Also the place gave off a more… _Western _feel. As in while Lowee and Lastation felt more Japanese-inspired, Leanbox certainly felt like somewhere I could have lived. It was an odd feeling to be sure, but I persevered.

As I advanced, I certainly noticed a lot more things that wouldn't be out of place at home. Corner shops, butcher shops, what I assume to be brand name supermarkets, Starbucks…

Yeah, there's Starbucks here. Not even a discount version of Starbucks. Straight up Starbucks, Mermaid iconography and all. This is the first time I've seen something like this since coming to Gameindustri and it just _stuck out _like a sore thumb. I know that there's a joke about Starbucks being _everywhere _but this is… Too much.

Taking a seat on a rounded bench with no backrest, I observed the passers by as I rested my legs for a moment. This really did feel like a shopping center I could have been to back home. It was such a surreal feeling after giant flying whales, actual physical goddesses and _weird lack of males. _

Speaking of weird lack of males… Actually that's just a weird segue. I saw IF, okay? She was here in Leanbox too. Getting up and approaching the guild agent, she seemed to be slightly caught off guard.

"Hey IF, still stalking me I see!" I greeted nonchalauntly. Judging by the nonplussed look she gave to me, she did _not _like that acknowledgement.

"What are you doing in Leanbox, _arsonist?_" Yikes, she got me there.

"You know, just taking in the sights and sounds." I answer truthfully. "Feels like home for some reason…"

IF seemed to be surprised by my lack of sarcasm. "Huh. Might just be a coincidence. Leanbox was built from the ground up as a "different" nation. I think it was the CPU's initial mindset that made Leanbox so unique among nations." IF explained. I don't think she was _wrong _in that regard, either.

"IF! You walked off without me while I was looking at the technology store! Goodness that was scary!" An unfamiliar voice called out as she approached IF.

The voice belonged to a youngish-girl, unsurprisingly. Coated in a combination purple and white, the girl certainly knew her fashion pink thigh-high socks and boots were cute too. All of this wrapped up with unrealistic purple hair and matching eyes. So close to looking like a real human. Her running towards IF was adorable, though. The N iconography was a bit weird though, as was the d-pad hair clip.

"Ah, sorry Gear. Was just catching up with Arsonist over here." IF teased.

"Oh, we're using our nicknames now, Stalker?" I shot back. The girl looked visibly confused at our vitriol. "Don't worry lass, we're buds. We just really hate each other too!"

IF nooded. "I concur. Koei, meet Nepgear. Nepgear, meet Koei."

I brought out my hand of an obligatory handshake. Nepgear relented at first, but eventually gave in and reconciled the shake. "Nice to meet you!"

She was slightly flustered. Honestly it was rather adorable seeing this girl around my height get all nervous and flustered.

"I don't bite, NepG." I assured her while giving my own little nickname. This just flustered her further.

"G-goodness, a nickname already? Thank you!" Man, easy to please.

"Well, you can call me Arsonist if you want. Stalker over here certainly is fond of that name." I jabbed at IF again, further cementing the coincidental meeting.

IF simply put a palm to her face. "Good grief, People might think I'm a stalker if you keep that up."

"Assuming people don't think I'm an arsonist already, you don't help matters." I replied. Banter is fun. "So, why are you and your girlfriend here, IF?"

Now it was IF's turn to get flustered. "I-it's not like that at all! Me and Gear aren't dating!"

Nepgear, equally flustered nodded rapidly. "Goodness, no! IF's a cute girl and all, but she's simply not my type…" Wow, shot down hard.

"Alright, arlight. Enough teasing. What are you both doing in Leanbox?" I ask, having broken the ice rather well, if I do say so myself.

"We're here for the 5pb. concert of course!" Nepgear practically yelled at me. She seemed excited at least. "IF even got us VIP tickets!"

Wait, what? "But the concert is free…" I noted.

IF shrugged. "Yeah, but you can't have common people in the VIP area. I hear the CPU will be attending the concert too." IF reached into one of her many, _many_ pockets and pulled out a slip of paper. "Though I bought two tickets in advance, apparently Nepgear got one in the mail for free. Want to join us?"

I shrug. "VIP area's gotta have free food, right?" Typical Koei. Hey, if I'm going to waste my time socializing with people, I better get something out of it.

"Probably. Just don't embarrass yourself in front of Green Heart, alright?"

"Sure, sure." I shot a thumbs up before checking my watch. "Well, it's 11:30am now. Wanna get there early?" I suggest. God, technology is so convenient.

"Sure!" They both chime in unison. How quaint.

**Koei has joined the party.**

* * *

The trip to the stadium where 5pb. was performing was pretty uneventful. Not being a sociable person, I mainly kept to myself while IF and Nepgear chatted away. I zoned out quite a few times and nearly got separated from the group on occasion.

Eventually we got to the VIP lounge and boy howdy it was _fancy._ Gold trim everywhere was to be expected, with occasional splashes of green to remind you that yes, you are in Leanbox. Unsurprisingly there was a decently sized buffet, but the real kicker was that it was mostly _western_ staples. Burgers, pizza, goddamn fries, I even saw a few out there things like tacos and crisps.

"Well, this wasn't what I was expecting." I thought aloud. "But I'll take it!" and made straight for a slice of pepperoni pizza. Hey, the walk gave me an appetite.

And what a pizza it was. The mozzarella had a perfect consistency, just stringy enough to feel different without getting everywhere, the pepperoni was slightly crispy and salty to the touch, even the tomato base tasted like they inserted some pizazz in there. Due to the orgy of conflicting tastes in my mouth, I'm pretty sure I had a food orgasm and moaned. Yes, it was **that** good.

To their credit, IF and Nepgear's foodgasms were significantly less dramatic. Though I did see IF crack a rare smile as she munched on a burger so they aren't complete food plebeians at least.

Wanting to wash down the taste of salami and cheese, I opted for a drink. Sadly, there was nothing alcoholic, but they did have both hot and cold beverages. I opted to see if they had any tea.

To my surprise, they did! Taking a look at the box, it read "Rose-Tinted Tea: The Taste of Home."

"Interesting." I mutter, before finding the kettle and getting started on my British beverage.

While I waited, I took a look out of the VIP Lounge. Seems we were quite early, as they were still setting up the speakers. A few dedicated fans _were _down there, but the complex was mostly empty. Of course, this wasn't going to work out, hence why there was a large flatscreen TV within the lounge, showing a much closer view of the main stage than from the window. I assume the audio clarity would be pretty decent, too.

The kettle gave a beep as I headed back to the table and poured myself a cup, taking in the smell of brewing tea. It really _did _taste of home.

"Ahhh." I sigh in contentment, forgetting that I was with two other people as IF coughed awkwardly. Blushing, I put down the cup and let it cool for a few moments before turning back to my companions. Man, it was weird actually _hanging out_ with people.

"So… NepG. What do you do for a living?" Oh god, small talk. I fell into the trap of small talk! IF gave me a dirty look, which wasn't surprising considering what I had just done.

"Oh… I just work for the Planeptune Basilicom. Nothing major." Nepgear's voice wavered a little, as if she was hiding something. Probably just too young to get a job or something. "What about you, Koei?"

"Adventurer for hire. Recognized badass of Lowee." I smugly state, earning me a harsher glare from IF.

"He means he's a hobo." she corrected. She wasn't _wrong_, but…

"Oh, goodness!" Nepgear certainly was shocked. "Are you alright with that? I can ask my si- the CPU to rent out a room for you in Planeptune if you want!"

I gently wave her down. "Nah, I earn enough in a day that I can rent a bed. Though I am _technically _homeless, it's not a big deal. I'm sure most adventurers are."

"They aren't," IF deadpanned. "Though they generally just rent out an apartment for a year to have somewhere to crash in their respective Nation."

I raised my eyebrows. "So where do you live, Stalker?"

IF blushed and looked away. "With… a _friend._"

Nepgear chimed in. "You mean Compa? I always thought you two had something, but-"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT I SWEAR!" IF yelled in response. Ow.

"Ah, it seems you all arrived early, then." An unknown, mature voice piped in. Slowly turning my head towards the intruder, I was _kinda shocked._

You know how Leanbox has been very Western inspired so far? Well, this new woman fit the Western standard for beauty pretty well. Long flowing clothing with soft colours covered most of her body, with more than enough room to show off her legs. Frilly gloves covered her hands, accented with gold and a light green. A simple breastplate with a solid green made her chest area _very _noticable. And not just because her tits were huge either (Though with how she dressed, I wouldn't be shocked if this was _intentional_ in some way.) but details. Long flowing blonde hair and sapphire eyes adorned her face, complimented by a red and green collar with a small gem embedded inside. Her aura was one of motherly warmth and her expression was kind and patient.

It reminded me of a character from a TV show I watched once. The large amount of white and gold on her body and her flowing hair did not help matters. Also the whole physical goddess thing. This was...

"Ah. You must be the CPU. Surely nobody else in Leanbox could match your elegance and beauty, Lady…?" I could already _take a stab_ at guessing her name, but that seemed presumptuous.

"My, my. Not many people can figure me out based on a single look." Shocking. "But yes, I am the CPU of Leanbox, Vert. Pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise. I'm Koei. Koei Tech. Would you like some Rose Tinted Tea?" I offer politely. I could see IF out of the corner of my eye mouthing "Suckup" to me. I wanted to playfully flip her off, but first impressions are important. I already fucked it up with the other two, after all.

"Oh, I see you are a man of culture as well." Vert accepted, before I poured out a second cup of tea for her. Speaking of, mine was cooling nicely so I decided to take a sip. _Just like home._ I heard a polite giggle as Vert took a sip of her tea too. She certainly was _imposing_, easily being over a head taller than me, but not _intimidating._ Noire and Blanc were far more aggressive, but Vert's aura made me feel welcome here.

"Ah, speaking of new friends," Vert broke the short silence that had reigned while I was thinking. "I believe that there's someone here I haven't met either." Vert turned towards Nepgear. Upon making eye contact, I could see her form a predatory grin.

God dammit. The one mature CPU I find and she swings for the other team. Still, would be a bit weird being in love with someone taller than you.

Nepgear for her part, looked terrified. "Umm… I need an adult?"

As much as I wanted to reply with "I AM AN ADULT", it wouldn't be entirely appropriate for the current situation. Instead, I did nothing and watched the impending carnage as Vert approached the terrified purple girl.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow, I introduced _two_ characters! I'm on a roll.

And yes, yes Neptunia is a _Japanese_ series. But Microsoft (and by extension) Leanbox is American, so I decided to throw in some headcanon for the VIP Lounge. Also no, Vert x Nepgear is not going to be an actual thing, don't worry, that's not the ship I was teasing at.

I'll certainly paint Vert as a lolicon though because that's how Hclegend rolls. Still though, I've introduced both characters for one of the ships I wanted to sail. Which one, you ask?

_it is a mystery. _

_Next time on KoeiSuba: More Vert! More Nepgear! More explosions!_

Well maybe not the latter, but we might see some action from our injured protagonist. But what of Nepgear? Who is she _really?_

Aside from Vert bait, of course.


	8. Mystery of the Missing Music

**A/N: **I really, _really_ need to stop this habit of making "2 Part" chapters, because I end up working myself to the bone trying to push Part 2 out in a timely manner. I'm risking burnout for this and not the fun kind with Crash mode.

Still, with this _mammoth_ of a chapter finally completed (And totally not forgetting about this in my last A/N), **Go Hclegend! 1k views HYPE!** Thank you all! I didn't think I'd get to what, 32k words deep into this, but seeing you all reviewing and following really does warm my dead heart! (Between this and the "last" chapter, that number has jumped up by nearly 500 views! Jeez!)

but due to this being a Part 2 and being posted so soon afterwards (Much to this author's chagrin, I got into Super Nep RPG **hard** for like 4 hours and still found time to finish this instead.), I'm still taking ideas on the title change to "**Sociopath with a Spellblade**"! The next chapter (probably!) won't be out for a couple of days, so get your suggestions in now!

**Post Posting Edit: Before I get to the comments, I'd like to clarify that I will be _trying_ to pace myself from now on. No more 2 parters, no more 5k+ words in a day type bullshit. It's clearly not healthy and I'm sorry that I worried anyone by writing/posting this _absurdly fucking fast._ I was shocked when I saw that this chapter had over 6k words in it! Time flies when you have a marathon writing session. But yes, I will calm down I swear to fuck. If I write more than I need to I can put a chapter on hold for a day or two and take it easy. (I actually wanted to post this a day or two later, but PART 2. I will stop.)**

**Just wanted to get that out of the way. Back to the... Author's Note.**

* * *

With that, I did somehow get some mail after firing the Muffins horse. I think she found a new job being an extra so it's all good.

**Blaze1212: **I think Iffy's quite honest for most things. Just don't mention Compa~

**endershadow98:** Oh,don't be sad, I'll find some clever way to work it in, just for you!

**Archwriter Akusui: **Well sorry folks, Megumin filed a C&D on me, so the epic Micheal Bay-esque helicopter chase/mecha battle had to be scrapped. I hope this explosionless version will suffice, **you monster.**

Enough talk, _have at you!_

* * *

After Nepgear was convinced was to come out of the bathroom under the promise of not being molested, we all eventually settled down. The concert was going to start soon and I really didn't want to miss any of it.

Checking my watch, it was about 2:45pm at this point. My best guess would give it another fifteen minutes before things kicked off. Taking a look outside, it was _packed._ People really were taking advantage of the free concert, it seemed. I saw a beach ball flying across the crowd and even a bit of pre-show bodysurfing. I was glad I wasn't down there at least, it looked jam packed to the brim.

The 3 others in my party were exchanging stories. I believe IF was talking about some guild story or other, Nepgear seemed content on messing with her smartphone and Vert was sat back, listening intently with a smile on her face.

I sat down on a free chair and opened up my User Interface menu, mostly just to kill time. Nothing particularly interesting was on the InterNep, but I was able to browse a tad more efficiently than I was beforehand. I also took the time to sort my inventory alphabetically (aside from Serenity, which I kept on the top slot for easy access if needed) and grabbed a beer.

Hey, free drink is cool and all, but I like listening to music with a _buzz. _

"Ah. Leanbox Brew? Not a beer person myself, but it's always nice to see a fan of my brewery." Vert visibly beamed as she looked at my UI. "Oh, are those the Lastation UI Gloves? I thought only wealthy Lastation business-types used those."

She seemed to be rather curious about her rival's tech. "Yeah, it was a gift after some… Misunderstanding. I'm mostly using it for the inventory function, though."

Nepgear for her part was trying to be stealthy about watching silently, but I could see her look at the screen with intrigue across the room. "Hey, NepG. You curious about these puppies too?"

Nepgear was shocked at being asked through a screen so suddenly. "M-maybe. I've wanted to get a pair to see how they worked, but that would involve reverse-engineering and if those are a gift…"

"Ah. Well, it's just like a tablet screen. Just connected to these gloves… Somehow." Fuck if I know how these actually work, I just like the hammerspace inventory and stupid news articles.

"Well, the technology is certainly fascinating. Seems that Black Heart's R&D team made a solid product for once. Now if they could sort out their InterNep…" Vert gave a sly chuckle. Jeez, that was a sick burn. I think it was.I don't exactly _get_ it but it sounded like a burn so I politely chuckled back. As long as Noire didn't know it's all good.

I took a look at the time. 3:10? That's odd, shouldn't have the concert started by now?

_Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that 5pb. has gone missing. If you find her anywhere, please return her to the backstage. Please have a nice day._

Son of a bitch, I set a flag with that line, didn't I. Oh well. Getting up and stretching my body, I walked over to the window and took a quick look for 5pb..

Ah right shit, I don't know what she looks like. Turning back from the window, I noticed the other three looking at me. Ah, I guess I need to figure something out.

"Someone got a picture of 5pb.? If what has happened to her is what I _think_, I might need to hurry the hell up. Nepgear obliged and gave me a portrait of her face via her smartphone.

Blue hair, pink-ish eyes, a headset on for some reason and a mole. Good enough.

"Well ladies, no point in standing around when my music's in danger." I emphasize my point by chugging the rest of the can before making a three point throw towards the nearby trash can. It seemed to have worked.

"Well, considering she's under contract in my nation, it would be irresponsible to stay. Let me help, Koei." Vert affirmed, getting up.

"Well, I can't trust you alone with a CPU now, can I?" IF too got up. Also, rude. I was fine with Noire after the stomach wound, but she wouldn't know.

This left Nepgear. "W-well, I'm not much of a fighter, but I can provide moral support!" She leapt from her seat, the result recoil resulting in- _woah panty shot._

I quickly averted my eyes. I saw nothing, I swear. Even if the matching pair was cute on her. Regardless, we all started to shuffle out of the VIP Lounge on our quest for music.

**Vert has joined the party.**

* * *

This has been a bust so far. Looking up and down the stage revealed nothing and the stagehands and roadies had no clue where she went either, as she liked to keep her privacy between shows.

Speaking of privacy, the last place we could check was in fact, 5pb.'s room itself. Why? Because the obvious first place to check wouldn't yield any results, _duh._ Also, it was locked and only 5pb. had the key.

"Well ladies, we've searched every avenue but this one and there's no key. What do we do now?" I ask rhetorically as I grab Serenity from my inventory. "You maaay want to take a few steps away for a moment." Waiting until they obliged, I pointed Serenity at the door. "Frostblast!"

Grunting from the recoil as the spell launch, it made a direct hit on the door, freezing it solid and even cracking it a bit. All this left was getting through the door itself. I had the _perfect _method, too.

"**FBI, OPEN UP!**" I scream at the top of my lungs before booting the frozen door. I only expected it to shatter a bit and possibly injure my foot. To my shock _several_ pieces of frozen wood flew into the dressing room, leaving enough room to see in and- _Jesus fucking christ._

5pb. _was_ in there, just bound and gagged. From what I could see from her expression, she was a combination of glad that someone actually found her and _terrified by the random dude screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking in the door._

Unsurprisingly, when I turned to look at my compatriots, I saw a facepalm, a similar fearful expression and a half lidded look from IF, Nepgear and Vert respectively.

"May have overkilled it a bit." I blush. Walking over to the idol, Serenity in tow, I began to chop away at the ropes holding her arms and legs. Despite the fact that just seconds ago I scared the shit out of her, she remained perfectly still. I'm sure IF could have done this too, but I need to make this up to her somehow.

Eventually, she was freed and able to take off her gag rag, coughing and spluttering as she inhaled sweet fresh air again. Giving her space to breathe for a few minutes, she eventually gained her land legs and stood up to face the group.

Her face looked the same as in the portrait, expression aside. Now that I could see her clothing, it was ll frilly black with pink accenting, complete with armbands and skirt. Of course she was essentially wearing a _bra for a top_, that can't be warm. All this and I'm missing out her stomach tattoo, a music note with a heart next to it. How cute. Cute was the world of the day here, she's an idol after all, adorableness was to be expected.

Oh, right. Her terrified expression. The crew did say she wasn't exactly _sociable_ outside of work. And the aforementioned door kicking. Taking a step back, I gave a "Somebody deal with this girl this is outside my expertise" sort of expression. Nepgear obliged and carefully approached, as if the idol was made out of glass.

"5pb., don't worry, We're here to save you. Are you alright, though?" Nepgear's voice was soothing and trustworthy. She sounded like the kind of person with _genuine compassion for others. _Eugh, gross.

The idol simply nodded, before realizing why we came looking for her in the first place. "Oh!" She softly yelled. "No time to chat, I have a performance to do! Thank you ever so much!" And off she shot.

"Mystery solved, ladies." I give my best attempt at a "Good work, team!" tone, but it didn't seem to work, what with the unsure looks on Vert and IF's faces.

"Well, if we're all done here, I'll be heading back to the VIP Lounge." Vert stated simply. "While 5pb. isn't my cup of tea, my actual cup of tea is going to get cold if I hang around here any longer."

"I'll keep an eye on you, then. Arsonist, Nepgear, you coming?" IF asked.

"Goodness, I might get lost if I don't come with!" Nepgear jogged after the other two.

I declined to respond. 5pb. wouldn't tie herself up and lock the door. Honestly I don't think that's even physically possible, so I had to investigate.

Looking around the debris of my… _dramatic entrance_, I eventually found the handle to the door. Surprisingly, it and the lock was intact. Inspecting it with my hands, the handle was… asymmetrical. One side of the handle was an ordinary lever based handle, the same as any other door. What was interesting was the _other side_.

The other side of the door's handle had a smaller, but wider build. Testing the leverage, I was shocked to see that pulling that side of the handle also affected the locking mechanism. _The door could be unlocked from the inside, no key required!_

Of course this is a standard safety feature in hotels and the like (Even Lowee's hostel had one, it wasn't _relevant_ at the time, but it's a very similar handle.) but for a private changing room for an idol sensation? That makes at least _some_ sense. It would allow 5pb. to safely keep her door locked at all times without having to lock and unlock the door each time she came in and out. This probably also explained why nobody we asked _had_ a copy of the key, as 5pb. could have simply let herself out if she somehow lost or broke her key and asked her staff to get a new version of it cut.

But that still left whoever tied her up. How did they even get in without a key? Lockpicked, maybe? Walking around a bit more, I moved a bit more debris aside to see a broken bobby pin near the shattered door. Whoever came in broke their lockpicking tool coming in and didn't have a spare? What kind of person doesn't bring a backup lockpick? Furthermore, why tie her up, then leave? Surely they would have seen the locking mechanism.

I leaned on the wall racking my brain over this. It could have simply been a thief who saw 5pb. setting up and decided to tie her up before stealing her things. But what kind of thief would have rope and a gag, but not _a second bobby pin?_

Good grief, this was stupid. I'm just overthinking this.

"Woah, someone really did a number on this door. Oh, dammit, she escaped?!" I suppose I didn't expect the person to _come back._

Walking in (Failing a spot check to see me, apparently.), the female sounding person was completely obscured by their… edgy bear cosplay. That's the best I can describe it as. It's a simple black bear hoodie with matching sweatpants, gloves and boots.

Now I had one of two options here. Sneak away quietly and inform the authorities (For all that would help with such a vague description.) or confront this suspect myself.

Now I wouldn't _normally_ go with the latter, or even the former (Social anxiety, ho!), but this person both delayed 5pb.'s concert _and _wasted my time and energy thinking about this stupid mystery way too hard.

Of course, this is after I had downed a Leanbox beer earlier and the alcohol was just about kicking in. So, equipping Serenity for the first time in a while, I opted to kick them in the back, knocking them over before approaching them, blade pointed at their neck.

Getting a better look at _her_ facial features… she looked like a corpse. I don't mean to sound racist, but she was _literally gray all over her body._ Along with that, her hair was a simply Leanbox green (or a discount version of it, if you insist), ears that wouldn't be out of place in a medieval fantasy novel, weirdly tall irises of red and a belt around her neck.

_Wow._ My mind went to the gutter for a moment with the gray skin and the belt around her neck, but it seemed to be a fashion statement more than anything else. The only other thing of note is that she was flat and the only thing covering her torso aside from the jacket was a very conspicuous black bra with two halves of a broken heart adorning each side of her flat chest. And a belly button piercing.

Oh right, she tied up 5pb. Why am I describing her when I should be interrogating her?

"Agh, cheap shot." The girl rubbed her head, glaring at me before looking at Serenity and throwing her hands up in surrender. "Woah, I don't want any trouble, I'm just staff he-"

"Bullshit. Maybe don't exclaim "Oh damn, she escaped." before walking into a strangely empty room with the door kicked in." I stepped closer. "Now, you are going to tell me why you did this before I make you like the fucking door." I started charging up a Frostblast for emphasis.

"Threatening murder over something so petty? Why don't you put that away so we can talk like adults?" She replied, clearly not impressed with my abrasive attitude. Maybe I shouldn't have done this. Pulling away Serenity for a moment, I was going to ask before she pulled _something_ out of nowhere and smacked me across the face with it. "Psyke! Didn't you notice my gloves, idiot?"

Regaining my focus, the girl was now stood up, her gloves emitting a soft light. Wait, UI Gloves? But they're nothing like the ones either me or Noire had.

"Cheap shot." I mutter, pointing Serenity towards her… Lead pipe? What? This girl has UI gloves but uses a _pipe?_ "Well, I notice them now. Not only that, you've pissed me off!" I yell, before opening my inventory up, finding the Burned Stump from long ago and threw it at her face, causing her to fall over.

Making doubly sure the pipe was away from her this time, I made sure I didn't accidentally kill her. Nope, just knocked out, with some blood running down her face indicating that I may have broken her nose to boot. Whoever this was wasn't much stronger than I was, if that. Probably went a bit overkill with the stump, though.

Regardless of my thoughts and feelings on this matter, a hand on my shoulder indicated that I was not out of this yet. Using my free arm to take off my potential assailant's hand, I turned around with Serenity in hand and prepared to figh-

Oh, it was just IF. A very pissed off looking IF. "Koei. I leave you for _5 minutes_ and you assault someone." Ahhh, shit.

* * *

After explaining my side of the story (Up to and including the part where the girl basically admitted to tying up 5pb., in the first place) IF did eventually calm down, but I think I did break her trust for a moment.

IF for her part, decided to take me for my word and informed security about what happened, up to and including my part of the story. The good news is that due to the circumstances revolving around 5pb.'s almost kidnapping, that my assault on Linda (IF apparently knew this girl as a troublemaker already and had apprehended her for petty thefts before, probably part of why she took me at face value.) wouldn't be counted against me and even if Linda was to try and charge me, she would have to explain why she was sneaking around a restricted part of the stadium. (During the investigation it was fine, as I was with Vert. Separating from her though did count as trespassing.)

The bad news was that I was being fined 10,000 credits for the door. When I told them that I didn't _have that_, they simply shrugged and took the credits in my account and called it square for helping out 5pb. Sucks, but I'm not exactly a war hero here, so it's understandable.

Of course this meant when I got back to the VIP lounge under escort (I still had my ticket, thankfully.), I took to sneakily placing as much food as I could into my inventory. It was going to go to waste _anyway_, and I still left plenty for the others. Look, if I'm going back to square one, I want to make sure I at least have _something_ before I end up on the street.

Aside from that, though…

"Thank you everyone for being so patient! Some emergency business came up and I was late, but you loyal fans were extremely kind and patient! Thank you all!"

The crowd at up her apology like I ate up the pizza. To be fair, her on-stage persona was far less intimidated than her normal self. Maybe it's just a direct conversation she's afraid of. Understandable, at least.

"And now, without further delay-"

"**You're breathtaking!**" I heard somebody heckle to 5pb. They seemed fairly close to the front too, so it got picked up in the microphone.

5pb. for her part, simply pointed to the would be heckler and yelled back "**You're** breathtaking! You're **all** breathtaking!"

You could hear the cheers and applause from the soundproofed VIP booth, it was so deafening. And kind of impressive, too.

"5pb. knows how to rile a crowd up, doesn't she?" I said, in a half surprised tone as I drank another beer. I was originally going to simply rent a room in a nearby hotel after separating from my acquaintances, but after losing my savings, Vert offered me (Along with Nepgear and IF) rooms in her Basilicom for the evening as thanks for keeping her company for this concert and if I had to guess, possibly for the whole 5pb. thing as well. She seemed fully aware of what happened to me, as she did give me a compassionate look as I came back from a quick bathroom trip a few minutes before the concert finally started. Nepgear for her part was as naive as ever, simply waiting for the next song to sing along to. She seemed to like 5pb., but considering her age, I wouldn't be shocked.

The concert itself was well, an idol concert. 5pb. Player her greatest hits, which seemed to be mostly anime openings. I mean names like _Symmetric Generation, Miracle! Portable Mission _and _My Dear 5pb. Chan _(which just sounded like an ego booster to me), how could I not?

Also for some reason, while everyone _spoke perfectly fine English_, she sang in _Japanese_. I don't know why, but everyone else seemed fine with it so I ignored it. It had a good beat to it, at least.

Of course, the concert had to end on her iconic song, the one that rose her to fame in the first place, _Dimension Tripper!_ Normally I'd be against excessive punctuation, but quite honestly it was easily the best song out of her library. Little wonder how she became so popular with a song like that.

Just like that, the concert was over. It was probably cut a bit short, but I still felt it was a good time. Sneaking a smidgen more food into my inventory (I hope it doesn't go off…), we all left for Vert's Basilicom.

* * *

Now with everything that had happened today, it was already 7pm and the moon was ready to greet us as we approached the lean box (HA) where the Basilicom was located. When I said this nation was built differently, I wasn't kidding. Still, we arrived and the rooms were already prepared. I, being tuckered out and all, took myself to my quarters with a quick "G'night." And off I fucked.

I was only going to surf the InterNep and drink, but a knock came at my door. Deja vu, have I made this reference before?

"Come in."I say disinterestedly, closing the UI Gloves' menu as whoever knocked made themselves known. It was in fact, Vert.

"Ah, Lady Vert!" I perk up my voice, having sudden interest in talking to the one who was kind enough to let me stay the night here.

"Good evening Koei. I trust that you are well?" Vert greeted warmly, ever the diplomat that she was.

"Yeah, thanks again for the rooms on such short notice. I'm sure that Nepgear and IF would have been fine, regardless, but me…"

"Do not worry, Koei. It was my pleasure to have you around today. Truthfully I had been wanting a little bit of excitement, so your… _Eagerness_ was much appreciated."

Huh. I approached Vert from my temporary resting spot. "What do you mean?" I'm curious, yet wanted to keep within my bounds.

"Well, you've probably seen my Share count, haven't you?" Going straight in with that, huh.

"It's impressive, even a little intimidating. Is it related to your lack of excitement?" I prod, led on by Vert's not so subtle hinting.

"My, yes. Having "borrowed" 5pb. Ever since she first performed Dimension Tripper here in Leanbox has led to a massive burst in Shares. It almost feels like cheating to have her support Leanbox exclusively, as people come to Leanbox and put faith in me through her just for hosting her and taking care of any expenses she has."

"And despite your guilt, you _can't _stop as this is a war, isn't it?" I go in for the metaphorical kill.

"Right on the money, Koei." Bingo. "I understand that Lowee has lost almost all of it's Shares. Poor White Heart must be desperate at this point, but it seems that 5pb. just appeals to the Lowee crowd too much."

"She is…" I mutter, eliciting a sly grin from Vert. Uh oh.

"That being said, I understand if you've lost faith in her. It must be hard to have faith in someone who can't even keep their own followers, right?" Is she trying to convert me? Con… Vert… Goddammit.

"Look, Lady Vert, I sorely do appreciate your help and your offer, but I must decline." I'll leave out the part where I never _had_ faith in Blanc in the first place and how she hates me, as she must assume I'm from Lowee at this point.

"Ah." Vert's grin softened. "I was merely testing you." What?

"Excuse me?" I ask with some hesitation, knowing I'd probably regret this.

Vert turned away from me. "You probably wouldn't understand, but I despise this war for one very personal reason. The fact that I'm taking from _her_ shares hurts more than any battle I've taken part in."

I stayed silent, contemplating the implications of this entire conversation. Obviously it seemed like she wanted an end to the Console War, just as Noire did, but something told me that it wasn't _just_ for the sake of peace.

"Sorry to be a disturbance, I understand that today's been rough on you. But if you do ever meet White Heart…" Vert turned around, a clear blush on her face. "T-tell her that I think her human form is cute!" She then ran off, slamming the door behind her.

"I uh… Okay!" I said to nobody in particular. It's weird that she'd trust me with that information, but I assume these feelings have been bubbling for a while and she hadn't confided to anyone before hand because well, they're enemies.

Ah, forbidden love. Well, with that, guess I'll turn in for the ni- why are my hands vibrating? Opening the UI, I saw some text on screen:

**Phone Call from: Noire. Accept? Y/N**

Goddammit, sure. Whatever. Accepting the "call", unsurprisingly, Noire's face popped up on the screen.

"Oh hey, Koei! Fancy seeing you here…" Noire started the conversation as if I had just run into her. It was weird.

"Noire, why the **fuck** do I get phone calls on my gloves?" I state simply, completely done with conversing at this point. It's been a long day, alright?

"Gah! S-sorry." Noire flustered, nearly knocking the "camera" on her end over. "I just wanted to beta test this calling feature real quick to see how the video feed works on these gloves, is all." To her credit, it was pretty decent quality. Though at this point it made me wonder what the _utter hell_ these gloves were made out of.

"Seems to work fine on my end. More importantly, I don't recall seeing a phone call feature on these?" I really didn't, but I did do the bare minimum of browsing so I might have missed it.

"We're installing it on the next firmware update that releases at midnight. Hugely requested feature from business types who wanted video calls on the go." Noire explained. Fair enough, I guess. "Plus, you can save your contacts on the UI Gloves and call them anytime! Isn't that cool?"

"It is pretty neat, I gotta admit. But why me in particular?" It was pretty random getting a call from the CPU of Lastation after only seeing her off this morning.

"Ah… Well… I already had the number on that pair for testing the initial feature back when it was in alpha. Don't look at me like that, while I did make them beforehand, I spent all night updating the firmware!" Fair enough.

"Makes more sense than making them from scratch in a single evening, I suppose. So the feature's ready for launch then?"

"Yup!" Noire shot a thumbs up. She seemed _oddly excited._ Maybe it's because it's a pretty cool advancement in technology. "I forgot to tell you this, but don't wear your gloves in bed. It's more of a safety precaution, but during updates the gloves… Well, they _can_ get quite warm." That is less cool.

"Ah, thanks. Will that be all?" I wanted this over with before midnight. Burns are not good for holding swords, and I'm going to have to get back to questing starting tomorrow.

"I believe that is it. Love to stay and chat, but update day is pretty hectic. Later Koei!" And with that, Noire disappeared. I hope there's a non-video mode for this, I'd hate it if every conversation was broadcast for anyone to see. Ah well, if that'll be all…

Silence. My god, I was finally at peace.

**Knock knock.** "Hey Arsonist, this is your room, right?" IF's voice came from the other side. Fucking hell.

"Yes, what do you want and please make it quick." I reply, some exasperation in my voice. I was getting tired of this.

IF entered, a jingling bag in her hand. "Yeah, I'll be in and out. Just wanted to refund some of the Credits you lost today. It wasn't _entirely_ your fault, after all."

"Oh. Thanks." I took the bag off of IF and looked inside. Yup, those were Credits. I stored them in my inventory, then took the bag out and gave it back to IF. That auto sort feature is _pretty neat._

"I was going to say keep the bag, but thanks. Should be about 2500 Credits in there, just for you to get some supplies for tomorrow. Good luck, Arsonist."

"Thanks, Stalker. Wait, why are you doing this for me?"

IF wasn't entirely out of the room, but she didn't turn around. "I know what Noire did to you. Trust me, this trip to Leanbox seemed to be coincidental at first glance, and I'm glad you didn't suspect anything, but well… Stalker isn't entirely wrong at this point, I must admit."

"Should I be worried?" I am going to be worried _regardless_, even if IF has the best interests in mind for me, I don't want her following my every goddamn move.

"Well…" IF turned and leaned on a wall "I suspect you want to visit Planeptune tomorrow, as you don't want to confront Blanc nor do you want to retread old ground. That and your UI gloves have Histoire inside their firmware and neither you nor Noire know _why_ she's there and are hoping to ask the Oracle directly, right?"

I uh… Fucking hell, Stalker _was_ on the money. "You and Nepgear are heading to Planeptune regardless of what I say, so I might as well come with you." I admitted defeat. IF just simply had my thoughts on lockdown. "But how did you know about what happened?"

"I asked an informant of your location after I couldn't find you in Lowee. They said you were holed up in Lastation General with a nasty slash wound. That and Lastation's shares having a sudden drop led me to think that _something_ between you and her happened. After that I asked to see the medical record from that informant, said it was a sword slash specifically." IF didn't miss a beat, did she?

"You differentiate those?" I mean, slashes are slashes either way.

"Monsters can have poison or paralysis imbued into their bodies through mutation, so generally medical personnel will check for _what _kind of wound it is beforehand." Huh, I guess that checks out. If you get bitten by a dog instead of a snake, unless it has rabies you'd probably just want the wound cleaned up rather than potential poisons flushed out. I'm not a medical professional anyway.

"Uhh… Okay then. Still a stalker, though." I clarify. "I mean it's super nice of you, but it's getting kinda _disturbing_ how you're following my every step."

"Remember what I said back in Lowee? Just precautions for someone of your _persuasion._ Honestly, I was going to stop after you made it to the Lowee Basilicom, but-"

"I never made it because I managed to somehow go entirely the wrong way. Yes, I didn't head to Lastation on _purpose,_ though you probably figured that one out too." I rolled my eyes at Sherlock. Probably would be a better nickname, but I doubt she'd get the reference.

"Actually ,I just figured you wanted to stay away from Lowee and Blanc for a bit and just ended up fighting Noire by accident." I guess my lack of direction threw even Stalker Holmes off. Not shocking, even I don't know how I managed that.

"Anyway, I might as well come out and say it; Histoire wants to see you in Planeptune." IF stated factually."Originally I only mentioned her and the fact that I knew who you were, thinking you'd go straight there or right after dealing with your Blanc situation, but then you went to Lastation instead. And then here. Now I'm just giving you a reason to go at this point." Huh.

"I probably would have been clearer about it, but thank you for letting me stumble about for a bit, as well as keeping an eye on me. I'm sure Histoire is sick of waiting for me, though."

"You are several days late, yes. It's not like Gamindustri is in any real threat, though. That's why I haven't exactly been dragging you to Planeptune myself." IF was really being open, huh.

"Well, thanks for that. I've just been enjoying the world so far, which is weird because usually I opt to get things done ASAP. I guess none of this is normal…" I pondered. I haven't really _thought_ about home since coming here. After meeting Blanc, it kinda just went on the backburner due to higher priority things.

"With that thought, I'll leave you to rest. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow Koei. Rest well." And with that, IF left.

"Later IF!" I yell out after her, deciding to drop my nickname just this once out of kindness. Still, that left Nepgear to talk to. I wonder if I shou- Oh fuck it's 11pm already? Time flies when you're conversing and surfing the Nep, I guess.

Hmm, maybe _one more_ beer wouldn't hurt...

* * *

**A/N: **I'm almost starting to miss Koei being alone. Keeping this balancing act of conversations and continuity is **hard**, holy fuck. I kinda forgot partway through IF and Koei's talk about how "Stalker" originated and wrote this whole bit about how IF has been keeping an eye on him the entire time, completely forgetting I did that just 3 chapters ago! Thankfully I managed to salvage it somewhat clumsily, but I dunno, maybe this is the start of a beautiful, hate filled meme-fest of a relationship. KoeIffy, anyone?

Nah, Koei was too dense to go start the actual fucking story, never mind actual advances from IF. Stick to Compa, IF-chan, she'll love you all the same~

Speaking of love in the air, Vert thinks that Blanc is cute! I'm about as subtle as a wrecking ball when it comes to romance, this is probably why my idea for a VerBlanc oneshot never came about. This is why we can't have nice things, _goddamn shippers!_

Oh and next chapter's going to be an absolute **bitch**. Hoo boy, Arc 2 is almost over and _nothing of __significance_ has happened to poor Koei. Ah well, he takes a pipe to the face well! See you in Planeptune!

god help my fingers


	9. Purple Progression and Metal Madness

**Pre-Author's Note: **I usually write these _after_ finishing the chapter in order to keep up with the reviews, but I'mma do this now, for context, it's the same day I posted the last chapter (Barely, it's 11pm on the 15th of July), but the latest review did… Bother me a bit. Not because of the review itself, I appreciate _all_ reviews, of course! But well…

**Blaze1212: **(A regular commenter, thank you for your patronage!) "wait if nepgear exist do the other candidates exist yet or later but then dies this mean Koei is just before rebirth 2 starts or after ? My mind is so lost hers hoping the next chapters give an update idea of what's going on."

You see, while I was brainstorming the next chapter, (Because along with _taking a break, _I'm also putting some plot points in advance. Well, I have been since Day 1, but more solidly planning them out.) I kinda realized something.

_The audience knows who the Candidates are. I don't need this stupid buildup and being vague about things is just annoying._

**This takes place before Re;Birth 2.** I kinda _remembered_ that the Candidates didn't know each other after the whole NepG fiasco. Now as you might have figured out, Uni has not been mentioned _once._ Rom and Ram are more understandable as Blanc has had very little screen time so far, but Noire is kinda like, _important_ (Not something I would have imagined two weeks ago.) and having Uni missing is kind of a big plot hole with Nepgear existing. That, and my _original_ idea has now gone to shit due to one bit of flavor text. (Remember the Share count Noire showed off? Yup, that's now an official plot hole! Don't worry though, I figured out a way to work _that_ in too! Haha!)

There is a good, in-universe reason for this. For once in my life I won't resort to spelling it out through Word of God form and actually weave it into the story. (Honestly the RB1 Shares = Sisters thing _was_ kind of stupid anyway.) like an _actual fucking writer!_

So uh, TL;DR. Story takes place _before_ RB2, missing Candidates will be explained in due time, yay worldbuilding.

With that, I'mma step out and let Future Hclegend take care of any remaining comments. Time paradox? No, it's called Google Docs.

* * *

**A/N: **Who the fuck is this twat? Oh well, mailbag time!

**EnderSoul1401: **Once your fingers go numb it becomes much easier!

Huh, guess that's it. Serves me right for screwing up my analytics by publishing too fast. I'll definitely give more of a gap between chapters from now on. (**I mean it this time!**)

Minimum of three days. Plenty of time to brainstorm and relax while still writing.

Also, since I am stupid and forgot to do this last time, **I'm temporarily changing the title to "Sociopath with a Spellblade".** If you do happen to have a problem with this, please do tell me and I'll revert it back to "Misadventures of Koei Tech." I know that as the author I have final say, but I like having feedback on things because I make bad choices.

Like writing this story.

Alright, enough rambling. **On with the Neppage!**

* * *

**Thud, thud, thud.**

"Goddammit Koei! I said to rest well, not rest like a corpse!" IF's strained voice came from outside. Where was I again? Why did my head hurt? Oh god, I've forgotten EVERYTH-

Oh there it is. I think I went overboard on the Leanbox beer. Groggily falling out of bed, I prepared for the long, _long_ road ahead. 9:45am, huh? That's a shitter.

Finally opening the door, I started at the guild member. "I didn't ask for room service." I was still blinking, the light hurt. As did my head. Why did I feel a chill down below?

"I didn't ask to see your Lowee branded boxer shorts either. Come on, we're leaving in 15. And _try_ to look presentable."

"Sure, sure." I waved her off, before pulling out an energy drink and chugging it to add to my ever growing empty can collection. Ahh shit, that's about what, 4 beer cans? I had two during the concert, 4 while surfing and the various conversations… Ah shit. Maybe I can get some in Planeptune.

Taking a cool 10 minutes to clean up myself and after myself, I ensured everything was where it should be, including the UI gloves on my hands. Alright, let's not fuck this day up any more than I already have.

Taking a glorious step outside of the guest bedroom and to the lobby, IF and Nepgear were in fact impatiently waiting for me.

"Took you long enough" IF deadpanned. This seemed to be a running theme today. "You even missed breakfast, so if you get hungry…"

"I got it sorted." I pulled out a burger from yesterday's buffet and munched on it. Was it cold? Sure. Edible? Close enough. More importantly it was handheld for easy use.

"I'm not surprised. At least you're resourceful " IF complimented(?) me, before Vert came in.

"Oh, leaving already? That's a bit of a shame, but I understand that you have places to go. Can I at least register you on my mobile device?" Vert pulled out a green smartphone. I uh…

"Sure?" I say, before I realized she was talking to Nepgear. "Oh, you too Koei. You're a barrel of laughs to be around!" Well, I'll take it. As Noire said last night, I could now register contacts on the UI gloves and call them anytime. Noire was on there already, but that was to be expected, considering this pair was one used for testing the feature.

After exchanging phone numbers, we said our goodbyes and made off to the Leanbox station. As Lastation acted as a "hub" for the other Nations, we'd have to change at Lastation Station and head right for Planeptune. Still better than walking.

**Vert has left the party.**

* * *

The trip itself mostly consisted of Nepgear and IF chatting away while I fiddled with the UI gloves some more. Turns out they only had a _call_ feature, not a _text_ feature. At the very least, I could use a hand to take a non-video call if I wished (Something patched in last minute, it looked like.) so I didn't need to broadcast my calls at the very least.

One thing that struck me as odd,was the way that Nepgear glanced at me occasionally. We _were_ sat to each other, so it wasn't as noticeable as it was when she sat _across_ from me, but I still saw her taking a few glances with a worried expression. I wanted to ask her what was up, as we did barely talk yesterday. I wonder if that's the issue.

I wanted to keep myself distracted the entire time to that I had an excuse not to confront Nepgear about it, but eventually I ran out of pages to check. Sighing in resignation at the lack of decent articles to read, I turned to Nepgear. "What?"

Nepgear for her part, tried to look like she didn't spend half the trip taking nervous looks at me. She failed, but bless her she tried. "G-goodness, what's up Koei?"

IF was fiddling on her phone, wanting no part in this, but shot a quick "You're going to regret this" glance at me. Seriously, those beautiful emerald eyes give that girl so much expression….

Uh, right. Nepgear. "It's just that you've been shooting glances at me the entire trip. Kinda unnerving. If it's about the UI gloves, I can show them off a bit if you want."

"It's not that." Nepgear stated, clearly regretting not sitting next to IF instead. "It's just that well… I'm worried about what will happen to you in the future?"

Huh. Wait, what? "You're worried about me? We've barely talked. Hell, I think IF and I talked more this morning."

IF glanced up from her phone for a moment. "Only because _somebody_ decided to sleep in. If I didn't invite you myself I would have left you to get thrown out."

"Eloquent as ever, my dear IF." IF gave an eye roll and promptly went back to tapping away on her phone. "Anyway, you shouldn't worry about _me_, NepG. I'm an adventurer. I take care of myself!"

Nepgear's worried expression didn't change. Failed the speech check it seems. "Still you're pretty low level, what if you angered something far above you level?" Been there, done that. "Or worse, managed to turn a CPU against you?" I did that on my _second day here._ Actually, I did both. What is this now, day 7? Was I in Lastation General for 3 full days, or was I only out for two woke up on the third?

"Hey IF, how long was I in Lastation General for?" I needed this done with now.

IF rolled her jade eyes before glancing at me again, clearly unamused. "You were in for 3 days. Though you were out for two of them then left on the third. Slightly confusing, but… Why are you asking this anyway?"

"G-goodness, you were in hospital? Are you okay?" Ah, there's the regret setting in. Thanks for the warning at least, IF.

"Oh, it was only a minor dragon attack." I wave it off like being attacked by an angry goddess was a totally normal thing. Also Noire is a dragon now because reasons. Plus I still owed her for the gloves.

"Dragons aren't "no big deal", Koei! The baby ones wipe out inexperienced adventurers easily and fully grown ones can even give CPUs like my-my-my-my… My friend trouble!" That was a lot of stammering, almost as if she was hiding something. Now the question was do I ignore it or do I ask her what she meant?

Nepgear at this point was sweating bullets. Poor girl is probably just nervous around new people. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. "Alright, alright. I won't charge in head first trying to impale a dragon in the eye next time." Though I never _did_, that would be a cool idea if I did face one eventually. "But are _you_ alright? You're practically having a breakdown here. Should I go find another seat so you can calm down?" I know I said I was bad at socializing, but even _**I**_ could see this girl needed a hug.

"G-goodness no, but thank you for the offer. It's just kinda scary when someone mentions things like fighting monsters and getting injured without so much as a blink." That is a fair assessment of my mental state.

"Ahh, that's the life NepG. That is the life." I lean back, sneakily taking a glance at IF, who met mine with a "you and me are having a _talk_ after this" look, while still having her phone held up.

Her eyes can mean so many things, it's kinda impressive. I guess she's just expressive with her eyes rather than her face. Still sent a shiver of "oh shit" down my spine, but it was cute in a way. What is _wrong_ with me…

* * *

The rest of the subway to Lastation was in silence, thankfully. Nepgear offered to go get some refreshments for the second, thankfully shorter leg of the journey to Planeptune itself. This left me with IF and oh boy, she can hide anger.

"The absolute **hell** is wrong with you? Is it normal for you to scare girls half to death, or are you just _**as dense are you are incompetent!?**_" IF coming out in full force, tearing into me like I'd torn into that burger before we left.

"I don't know what you're on about…" I tried to brush it off like it was nothing.

I failed.

"A **dragon?** A fucking **DRAGON, KOEI?** Those are the most dangerous monsters in all of Gamindustri! You think a Turtle or a WhaleKing is bad, wait until you fight something that is the size of either of them, has no weak spots to exploit and can **breathe fire**, along with the giant freakin' claws! You think casually brushing that off _wouldn't_ worry someone? If I didn't know the truth already _**I'd**_ be concerned!"

"I… I… Came up with the first thing I could think of when I thought "monsters with claws"." I was not coming out of this alive, wasn't I?

"YOU COULD HAVE EASILY PASSED YOUR INJURY OFF AS FALLING DOWN THE FRIGGING STAIRS LIKE THE DRUNKARD YOU ARE, DUMBASS!" Ow, my ears.

"Ow…" Before I could get anymore of a lashing, Nepgear returned with 3 red cans stacked on top of each other. Clearly worried. "Goodness, IF! What happened?"

IF took a few moments to calm herself before answering simply. "Koei lied about the dragon."

"Oh." Nepgear was disappointed, then furrowed her brow in anger. "You really shouldn't lie about that Koei. People _die_ to dragons. People lose their family and friends to dragons. You getting off with a 3 day stint in the hospital is _nothing._" Geez, Nepgear's pretty scary when she's angry as well.

"Ah… I see now. I thought if I passed off my injury as something heroic, you'd have respect for me." More bullshit, but it's _believable_ bullshit. "The truth is… I was attacked by a bandit. I tried fighting back, but they overpowered me and slashed my chest open." I lifted my shirt to reveal the scar, still healing but a fair bit better than it was. "I just feel it's embarrassing to be injured in such a way. My apologies, Nepgear."

Nepgear's face softened, before placing down the cans and… giving me a hug? "It's alright. Goodness knows I shouldn't be so worried about everyone I meet over minor things." Minor, my ass. Go a round with Noire and see if you do better.

From behind Nepgear, IF shot a thumbs up and mouthed "Good work. I'll forgive you too." before she let me go of her embrace. I'll admit, it was… nice. But why do I think that hugging IF would have been better?

"You shouldn't lie about such things though." Nepgear chided, though I noticed her lose eye contact with me for a moment. "Even if people make fun of you for being injured by a bandit, it's still better than lying about it. At least, that's what I think." Nepgear handed a can. "Here, it's a drink called Duct Tear Popper. I heard it was really good from… Some woman, once." Nepgear put a hand to her head, as if she was misremembering "I think?"

Whatever. Glad that mess is over. Opening up the can I took a swig. It tasted like victory… and 23 other ingredients. Now that I think about it, if you say Duct Tear Popper fast, it's almost-

Oh the train's here, time to chug!

* * *

Lastation to Planeptune was uneventful, but Nepgear did seem to be happier than before. IF too was hiding a small smile behind her stoic face. It was almost unnoticeable, but it was there.

Helping matters was the shorter trip time, being only about 20 minutes as opposed to the hour or so it took from Leanbox to Lastation. The silence was at least a welcome change of pace, all things considered.

Eventually the train came to a stop and we were in Planeptune, the Land of Purple Progress. Even something as functional as the subway station showed this off, with there being purple LEDs in the floor pointing to (and from) the exit to keep people orderly. Neat stuff.

Though despite being called the Land of _Purple_ Progress, much like the other nations, it had an unspoken secondary colour to contract with the "main" colour. Lowee had cyan/blue, Lastation and Leanbox had gold and Planeptune had white. White and purple did make for a very clean pair of colours, even if it must have been a btich to keep clean.

Exiting the tunnel, I was taken aback. Planeptune looked straight up futuristic compared to the other nations, large white and purple towards pointed up towards the sky as a unified act of defiance against the sky.

Leading this metaphorical charge was the Planeptune Tower, the crowning jewel of the Nation and the home of the Basilicom. Ah, I love convenient design. The city itself was pretty crowded to boot, with a lot of vendors seeming to focus towards on the go business types rather than anything else. One thing I also noticed was the abundance of technology, with a _lot_ of the populace using either phones or purple UI gloves, probably custom made as I spotted a distinctive N on the back of a few of them, pretty similar to Nepgear's iconography.

Of course, all this was simply dressing for the glorious Basilicom and the inevitable meeting with Histoire, onwards we go!

"Sorry, no visitors allowed today. The CPU forbade it." The guards blocked the door with their fancy beam swords, denying us entry. How inconvenient.

"This isn't right, I told her last night…" IF pulled out something from one of her pockets and showed it the guards. "Planeptune Basilicom Staff, let me in."

"Fair enough miss Factory, but the other two will have to stay outside." The guard sure was persistent on not letting us in. Spoilsport.

"Sorry Gear, Koei, but I need to have a talk with the Oracle. Come back in about an hour, okay? Go do a quest or something." IF then ran off.

"Later, Miss Factory!" I yelled at her. It was so worth it to hear that scream of anger, haha. My ass is _grass_ laster.

**IF has left the party.**

* * *

"Well NepG, to the Guild?" I give her a poke in the side to ensure she was paying attention, as she seemed distant.

"Hmm? Oh, the Guild. Let's go!" She started walking and thus, I followed her. She seemed like she knew the place, anyway.

A few minutes of wandering the crowded streets, with Nepgear ducking and dodging everyone like they were made of lava and we made it to the Guild. I decided to let Nepgear choose the quest while I waited outside. Knowing me, I'd pick another "boss" quest thinking that Nepgear and I could take it on our lonesome, then nearly die, _again._ I'd rather her just do it and get on with the fun part.

A few minutes later, Nepgear exited the Guild with a smile on her face. "Okay Koei, we have to go to uh… Emerald Mountain Area. Apparently some robots have been making trouble there for the critters!" Seems about right.

"Lead the way, then." I reply, equipping Serenity and placing it on my back. It was only a minor weight but damn it felt good to have it by my side again. Speaking of weapons, actually…

"Hey, NepG. Do you use a weapon?" I asked. I mean it was a _valid question_, I didn't see any weapon on her. Or _Vert_ for that matter.

"Oh, my weapon?" Nepgear pulled a beam sword, similar to the ones the guards used from her inventory. It seemed to have a brighter glow, along with the personal touch on an N on the hilt. Neat.

"You like it? I modified it myself!" It was certainly quite impressive for modified blade.

"Yeah, pretty cool," I shot a thumbs up. "You gotta show how you handle it in a fight, though!" I must admit, having an ally with me on quest for once was getting me slightly pumped. Getting back into the game, so to speak.

Maybe I just wanted some murder in my life again. Too peaceful lately, even with the incident with Linda yesterday. Ah well, we were getting closer to Emerald Mountain anyway. How could I tell? It's a green friggin' mountain in a nation of purple and white, of _course_ it'd stand out.

Though I think that was the intention. The owner of the land (And the person who originally submitted the quest) said it was a nature preserve for animals. Made sense, considering the industrialized nature of Planeptune in particular would be detrimental for the poor bastards.

Anyway, some mad scientist or other was capturing them and using them to power evil robots as some sort of alternative fuel. It'd probably go over better if he wasn't kidnapping live animals to do so.

So we arrived at Emerald Mountain Area and it was as you expect; an emerald fucking mountain. Granted the rocks had a weird checkerboard pattern to them but aside from that, it was pretty barren.

I was observing this wasteland when a yelp from Nepgear dragged me from my inner monologue (It's surprising how much I can describe within a few seconds sometimes.), as she was being attacked by a robotic crab. I believe the quest log called this a "SN1P-SNAP", pretty clever name. Not really.

The problem was it had Nepgear's dress in its claw, so if Nepgear escaped… well, that situation wouldn't be very PG now. Of course, I was behind it so I just ended up walking to it and slashing Serenity to knock off the offending claw.

It was still _attached_ to Nepgear, but the main problem was dealt with. Now that I had aggroed it, the other clas was snapping furiously. Snip snap, snap snip. Very descriptive name. Another slash of Serenity was all it took for it to become harmless, save the sparks emitting from the limbless being. Also it still advanced towards me, probably trying to set me on fire with sparks, so I just anti-climatically kicked it over, legs desperately scuttling, trying to help itself up.

I didn't really _care_ enough to kill it yet, so I went to Nepgear, trying to pry the pincer off her dress and failing. "Man, if this thing wasn't built for evil, it'd probably make a good sentient vice." I ponder aloud, attempting to jam Serenity to force it open. After some grunting and help from Nepgear's own beam sword, the accursed claw came off.

"Phew, thanks Koei." I shot a thumbs up return now looking for more mechs to "liberate." (Since they have animals inside of them, I believe destroying the enemy would also kill the animal inside, which wouldn't be _good_.)

Spotting a nearby mechanized squirrel, I readied up to fight it. If I had to guess, the robotic outer shells were based on the animal themselves. Maybe there was sort of neural connection that would allow the animals to "control" their new bodies, or are they just an unwilling battery for these mechanized menace-

"**SLASH WAVE!**" Nepgear interrupted my pondering by slashing towards the enemy, a purple wave of energy bursting from the sword. I guess that's why it's called that, then.

The squirrel looked more like a deer in the headlights as the energy wave struck it, surprisingly destroying the shell in one hit as it fell in half. What was even more surprising was that the squirrel inside was perfectly fine, running off before its prison faded into data.

"Guess that moral quandary is solved." I mutter, before nonchalantly pointing Serenity to the SN1P-SNAP and blasted it with a frostbolt. Similarly, the crab also was fine, and scuttled off towards the shore.

We were at it for at least half an hour, the mechs proving no threat to our combined might, and it seemed we had cleared the area of bots.

"Well, is that all of them, NepG?" I turned towards my ally, who had a strangely fearful look on her face. "Err, NepG?"

She simply pointed ahead of her and I turned around. Aw shit. A giant, mechanized lobster stood in our path, painted blood red, with cold, unfeeling eyes looking directly at us. The claws seemed to have turrets on them and were slowly extending towards us- oh i see where this is going.

"NEPG GET DOWN!" I yell, tackling her out of the way before the robot's flamethrowers started up. Even a good few meters away I could feel the blasting heat. Jesus christ, what kind of madman would make this?

"Oh~ I see you found H34VY-L0B5TER!" A fenimine voice came out of nowhere. It certainly wasn't Nepgear's. Why are my gloves vibrating again, I'M FIGHTING A MECHA LOBSTER!

Opening up the UI gloves, I saw a robot on the other side. A very pink robot with neon green "eyes" I guess? It looked like a mecha from some anime I never watched, only more flamboyant.

"The fuck." I simply stated, clearly sick of this shit already.

"My, my, such coarse language. Didn't your mother tell you to mind your language around strangers?" The voice was certainly male, just a few octaves higher to sound like a female.

"Who is _that?_" Nepgear finally got over her shock and was standing beside me, analysing the robot. "I didn't know you knew an actual AI, Koei!"

"I don't!" I clarified, not wanting to push the matter any further. "I think he hacked into my UI gloves or something because nobody _should_ have this number except Vert and IF!"

"And my precious Noire~" The robot added, earning me a confused stare from Nepgear. "I can't believe you _wouldn't_ mention her, she is a goddess in every way!"

"She's just a work friend, I swear!" I'm lying through my teeth at this point. This damn pink robot was going to spill the beans on my "relationship" with the CPU of Lastation. But why?

"Oh come now Koei, surely you wouldn't give up an opportunity to be with the **CPU of Lastation** now, would you?"

Silence. Oppressive silence. I didn't even want to look at Nepgear at the moment. I just felt rage building inside me.

"Alright." I state, barely containing the absolute fury in my voice. "I'll play your game. You're the guy who enslaved all these animals."

"Absolutely~!" He replied, completely unaware of my fury. Or just ignoring it. "I'm also the one who put in that quest for you two to go on. I can't believe either of you bought that sob story about this place. If people wanted to build a real nature preserve, they'd go to _Leanbox!_"

"W-why?" Nepgear finally spoke up. She seemed devastated that her trust was broken, though I couldn't tell who she was more upset at. "Why would you do all this?"

"Easy question to answer, actually. Koei Tech here is in the way of my future wife, Noire! So he has to die!" With that tone it seemed he was just talking about the weather, not _murder._

"Woah woah woah, I have **no** interest in Noire. Where would you get that from?" I mean, I wasn't lying for once. She was cute when flustered, but that's about as far as my feelings go for her. We're friends, dammit!

"Your conversation in Lastation of course! About war and peace. I figured if _I_ was the one to stop the Console Wars, then Noire would have no choice but to fall for me!" Again with that nonchalance.

"I'm done with your shit, robot dude. Once I kill your lobster, I'm going to make YOU boil." I close the UI Gloves as the mechanized crustacean turned towards me. It seemed to take offense at my remark.

"K-Koei, are you al-"

"Shut up and fight. I'll explain when I _don't_ have a burning rage." My murderous intent was **barely** being contained at this point, so it was a good thing this very tough looking lobster was in my way.

**Warning! Boss Fight Approaching:**

**Koei Tech and Nepgear**

**Vs.**

**H34VY-L0B5TER**

**Ready? FIGHT!**

**Now Playing: Heavy Lobster (Kirby and the Rainbow Curse)**

"Time to cook this motherfucker. **FIREBLAST!**" I yelled, pointing Serenity straight at it. What could only be described as an inferno contained within an explosive ball shot towards the robot, directly hitting it in its left eye, causing a large explosion and a cybernetic scream of pain as it stumbled backwards.

"Seems I did some damage." I mutter, before Nepgear rushed forward, taking advantage of the stun. "I'll slash you into pieces! **Mirage Dance!**" A series of stylish sword slashes occurred, all towards the right eye, before she charged… _through it?_ Fancy footwork indeed, Nepgear.

At this point, the lobster was seeing red as much as I was. Well, if it _could_ anyway. It started flailing wildly, unleashing fireballs similar to the one I cast earlier, trying to hit either of us. I attempted to dodge around them, but the random movements got to me and i was smashed across the face by a blazing hot claw.

"Agh!" It hurt quite a bit, as you might imagine. Flying several meters and hitting the ground pretty hard, I had to take a moment to recover. Opening my UI gloves-

I said opening my UI gloves. OPENING MY UI GLOVES.

"Ah, trying to access your inventory?" The voice came again, though with no video feed this time. "Sadly the Lastation servers have some downtime. Please try again later~"

Son of a bitch. Whoever this guy is, he certainly knows how to build _and_ manipulate technology. Guess I just had to take the damage for now. Getting up, fresh wound still burning, I saw Nepgear struggling to dodge the crazed crustacean, never mind getting a clean shot off on it.

Rushing back towards the fight, I leapt up on the back of the lobster and attempted to hack away from it. Unfortunately it seemed the armored backside simply deflected any slashes I tried, and it was moving too erratically for me to safely cast a spell.

"NepG, find some way to stun it! I have faith in you!" I yelled as I attempted to keep balance. Maybe I could pry off the shell? Jamming Serenity into the very bottom of a segment of armor, I attempted to use Serenity as a jack to force it off.

At this point the lobster decided it wanted to keep the armor and reared up, tossing me backwards. Even worse, due to how hard I jammed Serenity in there, it was stuck fast, leaving me entirely unarmed.

My anger turned to fear as the lobster regained optical sensors and turned towards me. The fried left eye and scratched right eye stared with all the fury I had thrown at it and _then_ some. The "mouth" then opened, revealing a larger cannon that instantly started charging. That was a big laser. And it was pointed right at me.

"Well, I had a good run." I shrugged. I mean this isn't the _first _time I was staring death in the face and **this** time I was surely fu-

"We will carve our way into the future! **Violet Buster!**" Nepgear's voice rang out before a girl similar to Nepgear dropped in from above with a katana, impaling Heavy Lobster right through the brain, stunning it briefly. "Go for it Nep Jr.!"

Nepgear unleashed a flurry of slashes, each one seeming even more powerful and flashy than the last, before finishing off by _fucking decapitating the lobster entirely_, shutting it down permamently before exploding into data spectacularly.

**(End Song)**

Slowly getting up due to the pain in my… _everything_, Nepgear rushed to hold me up by her shoulder. "Sorry about the delay Koei, but I needed some backup from my sister."

"You have… A sister?" The adrenaline drained from my body, I could barely stand, let alone ask questions.

"Yuparooni!" The cheerful voice of the other girl erupted, her running over with both her katana and Serenity in tow. She did look similar to Nepgear, though she had much more purple on her dress and a very small jacket covering her shoulders. Of course she had the N iconography on her top, along with USB cords on her jacket. Her arms had weird, sem-torn looking bracelets on them, along with a collar(?) on her neck. Looking down, she wore counterpart blue striped socks to Nepgear's pink and very similar but different boots with more Ns on them. Her hair was shorter, but had two d-pad clips instead of one. The real kicker was that despite her overall younger look compared to her sister, she had eyes that glinted of experience and determination. Or maybe I was seeing things due to a concussion.

"Hey, wanna get out of your dumb narration for a minute?" Wait, what? "You heard me bucko, you've had what, 30k words to talk to yourself? Let Neptune have some limelight!"

"I'm clearly hallucinating at this point and need medical attention." I say to nobody in particular. "This girl is speaking nonsense and I think it's because I took a superheated lobster claw to the face."

I heard a sigh from Nepgear. "Nope, she's always like this. Speaking of medical attention, though…"

I felt Nepgear shove a bottle of healing potion into my mouth before I could respond with her free hand. Drinking it down, I did feel _slightly_ better, though my face still had the burning pain, along with the feeling of bruising on my chest. Of course I had to land on my scar…

"You there, smaller Nepgear. What's your name?" I felt my strength come back somewhat, but I still needed Nepgear to support me a bit.

"I told you once, dangit! Neptune! N-E-P-T-U-N-E! You got wax in your ears or what?" So abrasive.

"I nearly died to a fucking robot lobster, I'm sorry if I don't have 100% clarity on things yet." I reply. This girl was going to be _fun_ to deal with.

"That's no way to speak to a protagonist! That lobster wasn't even worth going HDD for, how are you _this_ incompetent? I could have defeated in ten seconds flat, danced on its grave and taken no damage with a bamboo stick, I can't believe you would supplant me as the protagonist you useless self-insert you can't even do the power fantasy right and everything in this stupid fanfiction is contrived as fuck anyway, I mean you pull the Big Damn Heroes trope twice in a row _and_ I get Blanc's sloppy seconds what the hell kind of hack do you think you are…"

I zoned out at this point. I'd like to say it was because of the concussion, but this Neptune was giving me a headache.

Oh, _there's_ the concussion. Well, time to pass out I guess.

* * *

Man, I should stop passing out. Alcohol or otherwise, this is getting _unhealthy_. Struggling to move my body, I opened my eyes to see… White and purple. Still in Planeptune, then. Still, I couldn't _exactly move._ It felt like my arms and legs were tied down or something.

Lifting my head, they _were._ Wow, way to treat an injured person. Fuckers. I don't think I even had Serenity to cut my way out. Well, time to contemplate my life choices here.

I went on a quest, completed said quest, the quest was a _trap_ set by a gay robot who is obsessed with Noire and wants me dead, I fought a giant mecha lobster, took a claw to the face and was saved by… Neptune, right. The loud, annoying one that talked nonsense.

You know maybe I'd be better off taking that cannon to the face.

"Oh! Mr. Koei, you're awake!" A girly voice pulled me out of my self-hating thoughts. A peach coloured girl with soft caring eyes and white jumper approached me. I didn't fail to notice her… _assets_, and her running wasn't helping matters. Tearing myself away, she had a headband with a cute C on it, along with a red dress. I couldn't see much else, but that seemed to be the gist of it.

THe nice, big tittied lady undid my straps, allowing me to get up and face her properly. She seemed to be the one ensuring that I didn't fall out of bed at least. "I'm Compa." she said, in that saccharine voice that was as reassuring as it was vomit-inducing. Or maybe _that_ was the concussion kicking in. "I'm surprised to see you awake so soon, you only got here about 3 hours ago!"

Huh, thought I'd be out for _longer_ considering the injuries I took, but I guess the lobster didn't do as much damage. Speaking of, I hope I got XP for that, it seemed to be worth a lot.

Checking my UI glo- nope, they're gone. And my watch. _Shit._

"Oh, your stuff is just on the side there." Compa pointed to my handheld goods. "I didn't want them being damaged after I strapped you down, so I took them off for you. I also bandaged your face wound up. It was pretty nasty when you came in, though."

You know, Compa is Spanish for "friend" and Compa here was being very friendly. Appropriate naming, honestly. "Thanks Compa." I say with a smile on my face. I couldn't help it, honestly. She was kinda cute. Wait, Compa? "You're IF's friend, right?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Me and Iffy have been best friends since we were 5! I'm also friends with Nep-Nep and Ge-Ge, so you can be my friend too, Ko-Ko!" Oh god, the nickname was actually kinda cute.

"Alright, alright. I'll take it. Only because you stopped me falling out of this bed." I put on the UI gloves and opened up the menu. Thankfully the server was back up by this point, so I grabbed a healing potion from my inventory and started drinking it.

"Oh, I was about to ask if you still wanted a healing potion, but you got one yourself. Take it easy, though. You can get sick if you drink it too fast!" Compa seemed to be the caring mother type, even if she looked like… 16, maybe?

"What are you, my nurse?" I joked, taking a small swig of the potion.

"Well, I'm a nurse in training if that counts." I nearly spat out my drink.

"Fair enough." I mutter, before putting the bottle down and checking my watch. 7PM _sounded_ about right, but I didn't have exact metrics on the days events. "Say Compa, where _am_ I?"

"You're in the Basilicom, silly!" She stated like it was the most obvious fact in the world. She had no malice in her voice, so it just came off as friendly chatter.

"Huh." I mutter. Right, that would make sense. IF did say she was going to talk to Histoire before, so they must have let me and Nepgear in after I passed out.

That's what I _assume_, anyway. I was passed out at the time dammit, stop giving me shit. YOU FIGHT A MECHA LOBSTER. Wait, who am I talking to with this? Ow…

"Koei?" Compa looked worried for a moment.

"I felt a disturbance." I said weakly. I don't know _what_ I just experienced, but it was like someone was watching me through space and time. I blame this damn concussion. Finally standing on my two legs again, it was a bit rough and I nearly fell, but I could walk again. Good, didn't want to have to be crippled from the first fight I actually finished since that damn whale. And one I _helped_ with to boot. Whatever.

"You know where Histoire is? I think I've kept her waiting long enough." I say, though there is some hesitance in my voice from the worried look in her eyes. Girl could make demons repent with those sad eyes.

"Yeah, this way!" Compa perked right up, thankfully and walked off, letting me follow her. The halls of the Basilicom were as functional as anything else in Planeptune, though I did see some… Odd looking rooms. One in particular looked like a child's room, with game consoles and a bean bag shaped like a tentecleless Ocotogoo. I guess I'd call it a Dogoo?

Still, there were more pressing matters. Finally reaching what I assumed to be Histoire's office, Compa patted me on the back before saying a cheerful "Good luck!" as I opened the door and walked straight in.

The room was _vastly different_ than what I expected. There didn't seem to be a _floor_ for one, but I was stood on something to keep me from falling into the void. 1s and 0s flew around the place, giving the inky blackness some semblance of direction. Looking ahead, I saw the book fairy herself, flanked by two CPUs- wait **TWO?** When the fuck-

I was dallying. The one on the left, the taller one covered in black with twin pigtails seemed to be getting impatient. No time for introductions, then. Speeding up my pace, I finally stood in front of Historie.

She was.. Shorter than I expected. I thought the fairy in the help book was just scant reference to her being a tutorial NPC. No, she _really was that big._ If she wasn't flanked by two physical goddesses I might have laughed at how anti-climatic this was.

"Greetings Koei Tech." She spoke in a slight monotone, but still seemed happy to see me. "I am Histoire, the tome. I have been waiting for you."

"A pleasure. Apologies for the delay, I nearly died… Twice. This week." I greeted the tiny book fairy, chuckling nervously.

"Do not worry Koei, I simply wanted to meet you to ask you a simple task."

"A _simple_ task you say? Go on then." I accept the fairy's invitation for a new quest.

"It is quite simple. I want you… To bring peace to Gamindustri."

* * *

**A/N:** Boom. Cliffhanger. Hey, I said no more "Part 2s". This isn't a Part 2. The next chapter is a separate entity altogether and I _really_ need to split this up to avoid Introduction Overload™.

As for Anonydeath, who isn't even _in_ Hyperdimension? In due time, my dudes. In due time. (He also wasn't planned until I started writing the Emerald Mountain bit, but I figured if _he_ was behind the robots it'd be a clever little twist, instead of a generic mad scientist type. I have plans, dammit!)

Also yes, I pretty much jacked Heavy Lobster from his original appearance. The problem is that the thing had like 4 moves and two of them were just moving, so I had to improvise a _bit._ They can't all be generic monsters after all, that'd be boring and predictable!

So uh yeah, next chapter, more Neptune, yay… I'm finding it hard to not write her as "Less Drugged Pinkie Pie", so if she comes off as a bit of a motormouth… That's on me. I don't think Nep's going to have too major of a role, mostly due to the difficulty of writing her "In character" without repeating the joke of "Wow she's so meta Koei is annoyed by this.", but I'll try.

(Side note: This isn't a knock against Nep's character. In fact it's a compliment that I have such a clear idea of her character that writing her _is_ difficult due to her quirks. Or maybe this is all an excuse.)

**It's all an excuse. - Neptune**

GET OUTTA MY AUTHOR'S NOTE!


	10. What Do You Mean I Said Yes?

**Nepstation Intro**

**(Current Music: Nepstation Theme)**

"You're watching… Sorry, _reading_ Nepstation! I'm your host, Neptune! And with me today is our protagonist, Koei Tech!"

"Uh… The fuck?"

"Don't worry about the logistics, this is separate from the main story! All of this isn't even canon!"

"All right, but why _are_ we here in this hellscape?"

"Easy! To thank the readers for getting this story to over 20 followers and over 2,500 views!"

"That's uh… Not really an achievement? I'm sorry, still getting over this "non-canon" bullshit."

"It is for a first time story writer! Well, on _this_ website at least. Stop being a debbie downer, you're allowed to be OOC for _once_, be happy!"

"Fine, fine. Thanks for reading, reviewing and favoriting… Whatever those mean. Why are we even doing this, I thought we left on a cliffhanger?"

"Well… Why are we?"

_One of the producers runs into frame, gives Neptune a piece of paper and runs out again._

"Ah, it seems the author wanted to celebrate by putting out a short "thank you" between updates. How nice of him!"

"Wouldn't it be better if this was in the Author's Notes of the next chapter?"

"Huh, you're right. Wait, we're cutting _into_ the Author's Notes! Shoot! Best wrap this up then! I'm Neptune…"

"And I'm Koei. Thanks for uh, reading? Fuck, I'm too sober for this."

"NO DRINKING ON SET!"

"YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS!"

"I AM ON NEPSTATION, IT'S IN THE NAME YOU ALCOHOLIC!"

**(Nepstation theme fades out as the two bicker before the lights go out)**

* * *

**A/N:** What a waste of page space. Anyway, mailbag time!

**Blaze1212 **(Hello again!): Koei will have his time yet. I mean, he managed to last until Heavy Lobster was destroyed and a few moments afterward to pass out, that's an improvement! He also _helped_, rather than just piss it off. It's that gradual climb towards Kirito levels of bullshit plot armor, you know?

And arigato for the feedback on the title change! I had the idea like a week ago, played around it for a bit then went on that 2 day writing bender, so it took a bit to implement.

**Alfamega20000:** It wasn't until I read this that I realized that I was careening into the anime canon. I assure you, this was **not intentional.** I just prefer Neptune's Victory design and wanted to implement Anonydeath as a recurring antagonist.

This brings up a good point. (Ah shit, here we go again with the ranting. - Neptune) I have three goals in mind when writing this;

Make a somewhat entertaining story. (I hope I'm doing that at least.)

Write a decently compelling and relatable protagonist who learns and grows along the way. (Call that a maybe?)

**Write an original plot and not just rehash one of the Neptunia games or the anime.** Yeah, sorry if you wanted Koei vs Re;birth 2 or the Anime, it's not going to happen. Why? Partly because if you haven't noticed already, I've been making my own spin on the Neptuniaverse (As stated way back in the A/N for Chapter 1, this was my goal from the beginning) and partly because two of the stories that inspired me did this already. (HyperDementia by Shattersoul and A Shattered Reality by 0n3dgeGaming, respectively. Pretty good, do check them out!) and want to forge my own path (Much akin to Neptunia: Firewall by Always Wanting Moar, also a good fic! If you have time and like self-inserts, do give them a read and tell them Hclegend sent you!)

If that's enough for you to stop reading, I won't stop you. I'll try my best to bring my own spin to this crazy fuckin' universe, though. (Side note: I _really_ like how I've implemented the UI Gloves as both an explanation of how inventory works and as a power that can be "disabled" as to not make it an easy way out. Handy all in one plot device.)

**EnderSoul1401: **Awesomesauce, looks like it'll stay! And yes, RNG Heart herself came down to bless my fingers. I won't say who that's referring to in particular, but I have Super Neptunia RPG on the mind as I finished it today as of writing this A/N. I won't let it influence anything outside these A/Ns though. And if it does, I'll make it as subtle as possible. SNRPG doesn't deserve to be spoiled, at least not yet.

**Szmtex**: Maybe "A head" was a bit of an exaggeration when talking about height. When I imagine Koei, I think about what, 150/155cm? So taller than Neptune and Nepgear (Barely!) but still shorter than Noire and Vert.

I'm not good with heights. It's to do with… _certain things._

**SaltyBooks: **Take it at your own pace, I'm a lot more… Prolific than most authors, on account of having no life.

As for the Aya reference… _I just kinda googled reporters in video games and found her name._ Frank West was too well, _Western_ so that one had to do. I _love_ Touhou music, but I can't play bullet hell for shit.

Oh and thanks for the feedback, this new title will certainly stay! As for Koei… Well, read on~.

Phew, chunky A/N this time. Just delaying the inevitable at this point. **Alright, now back to your regularly scheduled bullshit! Ciao!**

* * *

"It's quite simple. I want you… To bring peace to Gamindustri."

Ah. That's perfectly simple. Perfectly reasonable. I stand there, frozen for a few moments. By the time my brain rebooted from _that_ fatal error, words were already coming out of my mouth.

The 5 words I'd come to sorely regret not 5 seconds later.

"Sure, that sounds perfectly reasonable!" No sarcasm, no sense of "The fuck do you think SIMPLE means", none of that. Pure, unadulterated enthusiasm.

"Wonderful!" Histoire clapped her hands together while I silently suffered my latest mental breakdown. "I'll let CPU Purple Heart take it from here, then. I have about 3 hours of paperwork to catch up on. Farewell!" And thus, Histoire fucked right out of the room mid-mental breakdown, leaving the CPU of Planeptune to explain my quest to me.

Purple Heart herself was pretty similar to Noire in the CPU looks department, though the design wasn't as clean-cut to account for the trademark colours of Planeptune. Twin pigtails went all the way down to her uncovered thighs, her arms were strangely completely covered and her torso was covered in intricate Planeptune _zest_, up to and including her breastplate.

And what did I notice? The N on her collar and the twin balls on top of her head. Why does that look strangely familiar.

"Koei Tech, I believe that you _have_ met at least one other CPU before, correct?" Her voice commanded authority and respect, but wasn't haughty like Black Heart or aggressive like White Heart, though she seemed perfectly capable in a fight herself.

"I mean, _maybe?"_ I'm going to be honest here, she's _intimidating as all hell._ The combination of her graceful yet powerful form and the giant fucking purple and black Planeptune katana she held onto was enough to at least keep me from speaking out of turn.

Purple Heart's power light eyes softened. "Koei, don't worry about if you have or haven't. If you have, it'll just make the process easier."

Her softer tone did calm me a little. Steeling my resolve, I stared right back into her eyes. "I have met CPU Green Heart, otherwise known as Vert, my lady. Both IF and Nepgear can confirm our mutual friendship."

The unnamed CPU to the right shot a glance at me for a moment. She looked familiar, but I couldn't quite tell, at least not while focusing on Purple Heart.

"Oh, my darling little sister Nepgear met Green Heart? I hoped she was alright in Leanbox, then. She hasn't really been outside of Planeptune before."

"No, Lady Purple Heart. She was as quiet as a mouse and even helped during the 5pb. scandal." At this point I was gaining confidence, but still wanted to remain respectful. This was my last chance to make a good first impression on a CPU, after all.

"Oh? Nepgear, you didn't tell me about this." Purple Heart turned towards the other CPU, who was sweating bullets at this point. Hold on a second...

"Wait, Nepgear's a CPU too?" I exclaimed, earning stares from both CPUs in the room. I must admit, while the power symbol irises are cool, they make intimidating stares.

"Well of course, that's why I trusted my friend IF with her safety while she attended the concert. The fact that I heard nothing about this scandal, though…"

"Eep!" "Nepgear" backed away a bit, her otherwise intimidating CPU form looking far less so in front of her judgmental sister. She served as a nice contrast to Purple Heart, though, her main colour being white with lilac markings rather than black with purple. Her hair was certainly lighter than her human form and her dpad clip was replaced with a… mechanical thing. Though she still had long flowing hair, the gloves (Though lacking the more claw-like design of her sister) and a breastplate.

Yeah, turns out Nepgear has tits. Maybe the sailor dress just hid them better than Noire's normal outfit?

"Well, I suppose I can deal with that later. For now Koei, I must be frank with you. I tire of the Console War. Day in, day out, fighting for every last scrap of share so I can serve my people is no way to live, isn't it? Such inequality in this world is repulsive."

"I can see that." I agreed, letting her get on with her monologue.

"It would just be nice if I could visit other nations, or reveal my darling little Nepgear's true form to the world, but alas such things can't happen in the midst of war."

"Nepgear did a good… Decent job of hiding her true identity." I went from exaggerating to remembering her half-truths and misdirects. "Say, NepG. Didn't you say it was bad to _lie?_"

Nepgear for her part looked even more flustered, despite being someone who could probably use that gunblade to either blast my head off or slice me in half at any moment.

"My, my." Purple Heart sighed. "I thought I raised her better. Still, this information can't exactly be public knowledge. Not even IF knows of Nepgear's true nature. I told her she was my sister, but she doesn't know about the transformation… I think." Purple Heart narrowed her eyes at Nepgear, who at this point was in a ball muttering "I'm so sorry!" in shame.

"Alright Violet, calm down. You'll scar the poor girl if you keep on keeping on with that." I tried to lift some pressure off of Nepgear, only for Purple Heart to turn to me with a glare.

"Did you just say `Violet`? As in the French word for Purple?"

Uh oh… "Umm, yes? Sorry for assuming? It's just been a pattern so far and…"

Purple Heart facepalmed. "Good grief, every time with you people." She then disappeared in a bright light, only to be replaced by… Oh god no.

"I'm _Neptune_ you dong! I thought you gathered that by me calling Nep Jr. "My darling little sister"! Have you even _played_ a Neptunia game before?"

Aw shit, here we go again.

"Agh, I'll yell at you later!" She mock threatened. Honestly I think she was serious, it's just that her tone took a 180 after de-HDDing (Untransformed?) making the serious tone crash like my brain cells after I found out that these two **are somehow the same person.**

"And for the record, I'm Planeptune's CPU _Candidate_, Purple Sister. But I prefer Nepgear!" Nepgear had changed back to her normal form, which really showed how similar her forms really were.

"So uh… World peace?" I tried getting back on track with the derailed conversation.

"Ah, yes yes. You fancy going around to the other Nations, getting them to stand down on this war thingy? Really cuts into my gaming time and Histy gets all pissty when I try to slack off from work, plus I'm too good and beat Nep Jr. all the time so I get bored so some new gaming buddies would be nice hey Koei do you like pudding?" This girl had one hell of a mouth.

"Pudding, the custardy stuff, right? It's nice."

"Then we're gonna be great friends!" Neptune grabbed my arm and raised it, before slapping it with her free one. "Woo! High 5!"

Even in human form she was pretty strong, maybe it was for the best that I accidentally made her go human just in case I did piss her off.

"Well, I guess I can bring peace to Gamindustri tomorrow." I shrugged. "No idea why you'd trust me of all people, the alcoholic asshole arsonist."

Neptune shrugged back. "You're the protagonist dude, you gotta do something to prove your worth."

…

_What?_

"What?" My inner monologue matched my lip flappy words for once. Koei Tech is confused and Koei Tech is about to punch someone in confusion.

"Neptune, don't be so uh… _meta_ around the newbie, I don't think he _gets_ what you're referring to." Nepgear stage whispered into her sister's ear, though I still heard it. What is meta? Is this some form of inside joke? Why are we still here? Just to suffer?

"Alright, alright. Tone it down with the memes, Koei." Neptune interrupted my inner monologue again. "You have an actual plot point to complete now, you can't just stand around all day, cynically describing everything in vain attempts of comedy. Go on, get going."

"Uhh, Neptune? It's like, 7 at night. Do the subways even operate at this time?" I questioned her, not her actions for once.

"Huh, yeah. Time _is_ a factor. Alright, alright. Starting _tomorrow_ your glorious crusade begins! For the glory of Planeptune! NEPU VULT! NEPU VULT! NEPU VULT!..."

I left the room at this point. Neptune's clearly insane, concussion or no and I needed some fresh air and time to… Contemplate.

* * *

Walking around the Basilicom, I eventually found a room that led off onto a balcony outside. Letting the cool and crisp air cool hit my face, I leaned on the guard railing and just had a moment of peace. It was… Nice. After how hectic the last few days have been it was just _nice_ to have this thinking time. What _am_ I going to do to convince the other CPUs to stand down in the Console War? Sure, Noire has readily admitted she didn't want to fight, as did Vert, but that's just talk. Would they actually step down if given the chance?

And what about that robot? He was out to see me dead, despite the fact that I had no real interest in Noire. Speaking of, what were those feelings I had when I looked into IFs eyes?

"Hey, Protag! I wasn't done talking to you!" Oh thank god, those thoughts were getting overwhelming for a second. Neptune came up beside me and leaned on the balcony as well, giving me a stern stare.

"Sorry Nutjob, but I needed some time to think. At least I thought I did until I thought about it then realized I was overthinking just about everything." Maybe I still have that concussion…

"First of all, it's N-E-P-T-U-N-E. Second of all…"

Silence.

"Well?" I prod her, hoping to keep this awkward silence minimal.

"You're the protagonist, Koei. It's inevitable that you'll face _some_ struggles." Neptune turned towards the night sky of Planeptune, lit up by the various buildings, her tone oddly serious. "When you've been the hero in as many versions of Gamindustri as I have, you just realize that everything will be alright once you embrace your destiny."

"Pretty deep shit. Especially for the motormouth." I agreed while throwing a quick barb to ease the tension a slight bit. "But do you really think I have it in me? Look at what happened today, I had to be bailed out by you and NepG…"

"And? Any friend of Nep Jr. is a friend of mine. Friends don't let friends be mutilated by giant robot lobsters." Neptune mused, still staring at the night sky.

"I suppose. How did you get to Emerald Mountain so fast, anyway?" I never really thought about it, but between the last thing I said to Nepgear and the Violet Buster, it couldn't have been more than 20 to 30 seconds.

"Oh that? I was following you." _Of course she's a stalker. _"Hey, I gotta look out for Nep Jr. you know? I can't do _all_ the work after all."

I suppose that makes sense. "Yeah, alright. Seems that you and IF have a penchant for stalking, but I'll let it go this time." I turned towards the CPU. "Thanks Neptune."

Neptune looked me in the eyes before shooting a thumbs up. "No problemo, Koei. You'll get to my level eventually." And with that, she walked back inside, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

You know, the crazy might be rubbing off, or it could be the concussion…

But I think she had a point.

Good fucking lord I'm agreeing with the nutjob. I am _clearly_ too sober for this shit.

Still, I had some time. Opening up the UI gloves, I went to call Noire. I wanted to see if she still stood by what she said. Also after that whole hacking thing earlier today, I needed to see if she was alright.

A few moments later and Noire appeared on the screen, slightly dishevelled but none the worse for wear. "Oh, Koei… Today's been awful, so please make this quick." She sounded tired.

"Same Noire. Just wanted to see if you were alright after the servers went down. I was in a pinch earlier and couldn't access my inventory."

"Oh that? Some pink robot managed to bring down the entire system for a few hours. It also turns out he had a _camera_ in my _bedroom._ Could you believe that? At least they had the decency to leave my bathroom alone, _ugh._ Still, me and Uni have been working on it for hours and it only got fully fixed a few minutes ago with all the security patches I put in."

Yikes, sounds like a big outage. Wait, Uni?

"Uni?"

"Oh, that's just my uh, security manager, forget about that. You were in a pinch, right? I mean your face says it better than anything. Looks like you got smacked by a superheated lobster claw."

"That is **exactly** what happened, shockingly." I deadpanned, before the sound of a door opening came on the other end.

"Uh, big sis? I got your tea as you asked…" The feed was clear as day, so I could see the new girl who walked in. She was similar to Noire initially, black hair, red eyes, black clothing, but she wore a much more traditional dress than her "sister", along with having shorter hair to at least make them somewhat different.

"U-Uni! Thank you but uh… I'm in the middle of a confidential business call!"

"She isn't!" I shout, trying to lure the girl closer. That sounded wrong. What I meant was to get her to come in so I could talk to her. Yeah, like that. Nothing creepy…

"U-um… Okay." "Uni" stepped in, walking towards Noire (and the camera) with a tea tray in hand, filled with tea accessories.

"Tea, Noire? Thought you'd be a coffee kind of person. Like, black coffee? Black Heart, black coffee? Eh? Ehhhh?"

Noire was unamused. "It's evening. Normal people don't drink coffee in the evening unless they're planning for a late night. Furthermore, your joke sucked." Noire deadpanned, taking a sip of her prepared tea. "This on the other hand Uni, is _wonderful_, thank you."

Uni seemed to blush at the praise. I felt a pain in my heart. She seemed so happy from that faint bit of praise. Agh, being distracted by the cute!

"R-right, Uni. How long have you and Noire known each other for?"

"Oh… Since yesterday morning. About 11am?" If I had a drink I would have spat it out.

"Excuse me? You were born yesterday?" I was shocked, honestly. Sure, Nepgear was young and naive, but she at least looked 18! Well, 16 maybe. Regardless.

"Kei mentioned something about CPU birth control. I probably should have listened to her." Noire muttered loud enough for me to hear. I lost it at this point and fell onto the stone floor. The pain of falling on my fatigued body didn't detract from how out of left field that line was. "IT'S NOT FUNNY, DAMMIT!"

"YES IT IS HOLY FUCK!" I yell back, convulsing uncontrollably on the hard ground. After a few minutes, I calmed down and managed to lift myself back up. So worth the pain.

"A-anyway Noire, you still good on the whole "peace between CPUs" thing?" I didn't want to linger that topic any longer, lest I start questioning the mechanics of goddess pregnancy.

"Hmm? Oh, that. Sure, sure." Noire waved casually, seeming glad to move on as well. "I assume you're making progress towards that goal?"

I nodded. "Yep. Nep- Purple Heart is on board, Green Heart probably is…"

"That leaves White Heart, huh?" Noire asked. "Good luck."

"Thanks. Talk to you later." I waved goodbye before ending the call. Breathing in the crisp air a final time, I turned around to see Nepgear standing there.

"You uh… Heard everything, didn't you NepG?" With a simple nod, my fate was sealed. "Well, that was the thing I wanted to tell you earlier. Now excuse me, I have some sorrows to drown." I quickly made my way back into the Basilicom, then down the elevator, out the door and to the nearest place that sold booze.

* * *

As it turned out, destroying a giant mechanical lobster and about 40 of its compatriots leads to a lot of moolah. All in all I had over 10,000 Credits in my account, which while it did include IF's generous donation, still meant I earned 7,500 in a single quest! Probably more bait from the robot.

Oh well. Along with purchasing alcohol (There was no beer, so I bought some rum, god help my liver) along with a new set of clothing, not only because I had been in the same outfit since arriving in Lastation, but because purple is a great colour and admittedly rather fetching on my increasingly less nerdy body.

Returning to the Basilicom (The guards were informed beforehand and I had a stamp put on the back of my hand, just like in a concert.) and heading back upstairs, the place was relatively quiet.

"Goddangit, this final boss is way too cheap! Nep Jr., kick its butt for me!" _Relatively._ Sighing in resignation of the hellish noises I would have to endure, I took out my rum and looked for an acceptable thing to mix it with. The obvious ingredient was water, but that wouldn't really work and would probably taste awful. There was juice, I guess, but the tang of the juice would probably overwrite the taste of rum (I want to feel like I'm drinking, dammit!) and there wasn't even any Duck Tear Popper.

"Oh, Koei! What are you doing?" Histoire asked from behind me, causing me to nearly soak the floor in shattered glass and spilled rum.

"Just looking for something to make a cocktail out of. You got any Duck Tear Popper?

Histoire hung her head in an apologetic manner. "We had to ban that after Neptune drank a whole case and didn't sleep for a week. However, I do have an alternative solution if you would like a suggestion on how to self-poison yourself."

Harsh wording, but I was willing to listen. "Go on then."

Histoire floated over to the fridge, opening up to reveal what a scientist would call a **metric fuck ton** of pudding invading the fridge, completely filling it out aside from one shelf that had _everything else_ in it. That Neptune was serious about pudding.

"You could use some of this pudding to create a cocktail that would suit your tastes. We also need to get rid of this pudding, so help yourself if you feel peckish." Histoire added with a smile. I obliged, grabbing a package of gelatin goodness out, before finding a glass and sliding the treat in there. After this, I filled up the glass with rum, causing both to mix surprisingly well.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Look I don't have the time, rum or pudding to science this out. Let's just _pretend_ that this works for the sake of a gag.

Also don't mix pudding and rum. You're not Neptune, the diabetes is not worth it. Koei is a professional alcoholic on a closed course, do not try this at home.

Hclegend

* * *

Finding a spoon to further mix the ingredients, I eventually took a breath before taking a large drink of this ungodly mess.

…

…

…

Well I didn't _die_, so this drink is a success. Honestly I really should have seen this coming, rum goes well with sweet things while having its own kick that certainly felt like this was bad for me. _Perfect._

"Not a bad drink Histoire. I'mma call this the Koei Killer Kombo." Histoire facepalmed with her small fairy hand as we both realized the connotations of that acronym. Maybe work on that name a little more before I roll it out to the public.

"Oi! Get off me pudding ya puddin' plundering pirate, you!" Neptune yelled at me, clearly sick of her game's shit and wanting a pudding break.

"There's like, 50 more in the fridge you sugar junkie. If you had some fucking Duck Tear Popper I'd be using that instead. But you're an addict so neither of us can have nice things." Taking a drink of the concoction, I tasted the sweet sweet irony of those words. And pudding.

"Oh you heard about the Great Nepathon of 2015? 'Tis a sordid tale of love and loss, swords and souls, gods and goddesses-"

"Don't care. I'm stealing more pudding for my Koei Kombos." I reached into the fridge and grabbed a stack of pudding to pair with my alcohol, then promptly fucked right off to my prepared room.

"Fine, but you'd better not trigger any death flags with your alcoholism!" Neptune yelled at me as I left her to do her Neptune things. How Planeptune had shares at all with _that_ nutter as CPU was beyond me.

THe rest of the evening was thankfully uneventful. I drank, surfed the Internep and eventually went to sleep once I felt my eyes start to go on a magical journey without my input. It's been a long, _long_ day, maybe it is about time I passed out.

* * *

**Ah, fuck why do I feel like I got hit by a truck… AGAIN.**

Looking around, I noticed that for one thing that I acquainted myself with the cozy floor of the basilicom bedroom, my pants were missing and I had somehow finished only half of the bottle before the alcohol overwhelmed me. There were also pudding cups _everywhere_, like some sort of mass pudding genocide happened.

I think Neptune would be proud of me for that metaphor. And or the mass pudding killing spree. Whatever. Taking a few minutes to ensure my clothes were and all my extremities still attached, I cleaned up my mess like the good alcoholic I was.

Gracefully stumbling out of the room and into a nearby wall, I smelled food. Good food at that. Must consume. Trying to look at the very least presentable (and failing), I walked into the room where the world famous Koei Kombo was born, Nepgear was cooking pancakes, it seemed.

"Oh, good morning Koei!" Nepgear greeted happily, which was nice. You're up surprisingly early, because Neptune told me you went to go "make sweet love to a bottle of rum and half my damn pudding", so I didn't expect you to be up at this time."

"Fucking weird metaphor aside, Nutjob had a point. What time is it anyway…" I check my watch. 8am? Fuuuuck. "If you don't mind NepG, I'mma make use of your kettle. And I don't mean sticking my dick in it, despite what your sister thinks I do when I'm alone, I'm not that depraved."

And make use of that kettle I did. One tea bag, some water and a splash of milk for one Koei Hangover KOer. Otherwise known as a cup of tea. Nothing fancy. Just tea.

Nepgear for her part, was still cooking pancakes and seemed pretty good at it. "Something you do often, NepG?" I strike up a conversation while waiting for the tea bag's juices to leak out.

"Hmm? Oh, I make Neptune breakfast, since otherwise she'd just eat pudding all the time. That and I don't mind cooking, it gives me something to do in the morning!"

"Makes sense." I mutter, taking the teabag out and placing it into the nearby bin. "I mean she's a CPU, her diet shouldn't matter too much, right?" I honestly don't know enough about CPU biology.

"Better safe than sorry, I Guess." Nepgear shrugged. These goes my answer. "Give Neptune a minute, she'll smell pancakes and be out like a ricochet. She does love my pancakes~." Nepgear seemed proud of her cooking at least.

"Any other hobbies, then?" I try to continue the conversation to stop this from getting _weird._

"Oh I love technology!" I literally saw her eyes light up when she said that word. "Robots, machines, weapons, anything that has to do with technology and I'll all over it!"

"Huh. Good to know. I think your pancake's starting to burn, by the way." I pointed towards the rapidly immolating breakfast while Nepgear quickly took her pan off the heat with a panicked "Thanks!", meanwhile I took my cup of tea to the table and waited for my tea to cool while browsing the new articles.

* * *

**More fake CPUs spotted?**

_Along with recent rumors of a not very Purple Heart looking CPU flying across Planeptune, there have also been rumors of similar beings in both Lastation and Lowee. Though Lowee citizens may have mistaken this fake for their patron CPU due to her assets. Or lack thereof, the dumb cu-_

* * *

_**Editor's Note: The user responsible has been banned from submitting articles. We apologise for any distress caused by our lack of fact checking,**_

_**Joseph Joestar, Editor in Chief of the Gameindustri News Network.**_

* * *

I had to stifle a laugh at the article being cut off mid sentence like that. It was so sudden and out of left field. Thanks, Joseph!

* * *

**Lowee Back In the War?**

_After multiple weeks of a downwards spiral of shares, Lowee is finally getting back on track with their Share count, with Lady White Heart leading the charge with an incredible rescue of several citizens from a Turtle King who had been known for kidnapping blonde women. When asked, White Heart said this:_

"_I'm never giving up the Console War. I was the first one out there making shares and kicking ass, and I will __**win**_ _the console war! You hear me, Thunder Tits? I will kick your fucking ass you wh-"_

_The interviewer proceeded to back away from the angry ranting goddess at this point. Needless to say that Lowee won't be backing down any time soon. Seems that despite the cool weather, things are about to heat up!_

_Aya Shameimaru_

* * *

Her again, huh? She's good at this, not going to lie. Also this really was weird how I technically did plan on going to Lowee on the same day that Blanc starts getting Shares again. Of course nothing can be easy.

"I smell pancakes~!" And here comes Nutjob to make my day even better, with her happy-go-lucky attitude and "meta" humor. Thankfully she ignored me and went straight for the puffy pancakes provided by her perfect sister.

Of course this left me with the situation of what _I_ was going to eat. Oh wait. Getting up and grabbing a plate, I sat back down before summoning some leftovers. Thankfully the storage server seemed to put items in stasis, keeping food relatively fresh for several days. Not only was this convenient, as I had plenty of leftovers from the buffet in Leanbox, this _also_ explained why the general store could sell "freshly made" food despite there being no form of viable kitchen anywhere near the general stores. What a society this place is.

For what it was worth, the pizza was _almost_ as good as it was when it was fresh. It having time to cool certainly took away from the orgasmic quality, but it was still _pretty good._ The Nep sisters for their part, just stayed silent as they ate their own breakfast, giving the table an air of tranquility before the oncoming storm. It was eerie.

"Oh, Koei! I didn't expect you awake so early." Histoire greeted from behind me again. She has a habit of appearing from nowhere. "And a good morning to you too Neptune and Nepgear, but I need to borrow Koei for a moment. Would you mind?"

"Of course not." I obliged, following the book fairy back into the weird void room where we met originally. Even in the daytime the room had no windows to speak of. It was eerie. Again.

"As I got caught up in the backlog yesterday, I forgot to talk to you about… Your identity." Histoire started.

"Oh? Am I some sort of destined hero that the prophecy foretold? Do I have some form of special power that grants me the ability to become a CPU? Am I the Deity of Sin reincarnated into human form with no memories, given a second chance to make things right?"

"Uh… None of that. In all my research, the only thing remotely unique or interesting about you is that you are not of this world. At least when we're not talking about your… _Interesting_ personality."

Well shit. "Confirmation is nice, however depressing reality is. You want anything else, flying book slut?"

Histoire glared at me for a moment before her face softened. "Yes, here." She pulled a card that was roughly half her size out from… _somewhere_ and handed it to me. "This is an official Planeptune Staff ID. You're welcome here anytime."

Oh. "Thanks, Histoire." I put the card in my inventory. Don't want to lose it. "I'll take advantage of that. For now though, I guess this is goodbye."

"Yes. I still have roughly three days of work to catch up with. Farewell." I walked out of the void room and took the elevator out of the Basilicom.

Looking up to the ivory and violet towers of Planeptune, I took a deep breath.

It finally felt like I was about to go on a quest.

_Vrrrrrrm, vrrrrm, vrrrm._

Son of a… Ruining the moment, much. I was so petty that I didn't even use the video call feature. "Koei's Krematorium, you kill them, we grill them."

"I knew you were an arsonist." IF's voice mocked from across the line. My heart fluttered for a moment.

"Whaddup then, Stalker?" I kicked off the conversation with a bang, trying to hide my brief moment of vulnerability, even if she couldn't see my face.

"Just wanted to tell you that my days of stalking you are over." What? "My last job was simply getting you to the Planeptune Basilicom. Now that I've done that, I'm going back to regular Guild work. We might run into each other again at some oint, though."

"I see." I mutter uncharacteristically. Why did I feel so devastated by this news? I didn't feel the same for anyone else, so why _her?_

"Koei? Are you alright?" IF asked in a worried tone. "You sound down about something."

I wanted to say nothing. I wanted to simply chalk it up to being in a weird mood. I **couldn't.** My mind wanted to simply ditch the idea, but my heart…

"IF… Do you think that… We have a _connection?_" My heart already answered for me. Fuck.

"..."

Ah shit, ah fuck, I went headfirst and now I'm going to hit the deep end of the pool along with the goddamn tiles.

"Well… Remember when I said I wasn't into guys?" I didn't. "It was… Kind of… A lie…"

Oh. That changes everything. *Huh. Then if we have any free time later down the line… Would you like to go-"

"No dates. We can go for a drink. I know a place." IF stopped me from offering a lovely beachside walk. Nah I'm kidding, I was going to suggest that too.

"Sounds good. Just call me whenever, you have my number… Somehow." We didn't do that, did we?

"We did that back in Leanbox. Plus, since we're apparently drinking buddies now, you can justify having the number of your friend who is also a girl in there, right?"

I visibly blushed. Really glad I didn't use the video mode now. "Y-yeah. Catch you later."

"Later." _Beep_

Did… Did I just ask a girl out on a date? The actual fu-

_The next train to Lastation will be departing soon._

No time to ponder, I've a train to catch! **To Lowee!**

* * *

As was the theme, the trip to Lowee was entirely uneventful. But it did feel nice to be back in the Nation I started in again, stronger, with more of a foothold in the world and three of four goddesses befriended. For once, backtracking didn't _feel like backtracking._

That and being in Central Lowee rather than in Toadstool Town gave this "same, but different" feeling. Taking my jacket out of my inventory, I flew the proverbial Planeptune flag loud and proud. Most people really didn't care thankfully, as this was my only intact jacket.

Wandering around the bustling city, I saw my goal; the Balisicom shining like the jewel it was nearby. Of course, walking straight in wasn't an option, as Blanc would surely remember my lovely personality and kick my ass. After the incident with Noire, I did _not_ want to fuck with a CPU again.

My thoughts were interrupted by the yelling of a familiar thug. "Come on kid, stop struggling or I'll have to make you bleed more!"

Running towards the source of the noise down a back alley, Linda was holding a child hostage. The child herself was covered head to toe in blue, accented by white and pink. A familiar cap adorned her brown hair covered head, matching her steel-blue eyes. She certainly looked like a native, with the amount of coverage she had, including snow boots and tights to make sure she didn't get cold. The only other notable feature was the staff she held, which had a dogoo on the top. Some sort of mage?

Gah, I'm monologuing again. "Drop the kid, Linda."

Linda rolled her eyes. "You again? Well, you won't be throwing wood at me _this_ time, because I brought my hostage with me this time!"

For her part, the child elicited a weak groan, blood escaping her mouth. Seems Linda did a number on her. Just looking at the poor child, tears in her eyes, with that terrified, deer in the headlights look was tragic.

I sighed before bringing out Serenity. "Drop the kid and I'll make this quick." I pointed Serenity at her to emphasise my point, but she didn't seem intimidated.

"Drop the sword or the kid gets another pipe to the face." The child visibly shuddered, the only real thing she could do in the iron grip of Linda's arm. Due to the tight corridor, I couldn't get a better angle to fire on her and the kid had already been through enough. What do I do…

"**GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!**" Came the yelling of- oh fuck no. White Heart quite literally dropped in, kicking Linda to the kerb and forcing the child out of her grasp, causing her to careen towards me. I for my part, _did_ catch the child with a bit of a grunt. She's heavier than I thought!

With Linda knocked out, this left White Heart to turn to me, death in her eyes and…

Oh. The hat, brown hair, blue eyes, the loli form…

This was Blanc's little sister. And from the look in her eyes, she wasn't happy to see me with her sister in my grip, covered in blood and sniffling "B-Big sis…"

**I'm dead, aren't I?**


	11. A Blanc Slate

**A/N: **7,300 words _without_ the A/N. Think this is the longest chapter yet and I planned to add more. But I think I'll save some for next time. Speaking of "next time", I'm posting this a tad earlier than I usually do as to make up for my future absence from writing. My mother's birthday is coming up and as such I'll be taking the weekend off entirely. Not a single word will be written (This is unlike my usual MO, which involves writing chunks day by day.) so yeah, last update for a bit. That's life.

Mailbag time~

**Blaze2121: **Yup. Much to my continued confusion I have decided to officially ship them. I like the idea of IF becoming a recurring character and enjoy writing her too much _not_ to at least have a little bit of steamy romance. It shouldn't really affect the plot, just some extended character interaction.

**alfamega20000: **Awesomesauce, but I guess I'l have to mix up my game now because the plot is becoming too predictable. Someone get me my alcohol, I have drunk ideas again!

**xbos432: **_Oh right, Linda._ Hmm, maybe she has some help from someone more competent than her? But yes, rip Koei. This story had a good run. (As did my liver.)

**endershadow98: **There it isssss. Nep-Nep calling Koei a dong has been an idea since chapter 1! Don't worry about reviewing _every_ chapter, though. If you have something interesting to say, say it. If you don't then don't Simplicity!

**Endersoul1401L:** I too wish to avoid bullshit cliches. That's why Koei just straight up admitted that he liked Iffy rather than leading this stupid thread on for half the story. Done in a very Koei fashion too if I say so myself. As for me? Probably would go down the same route. Self-Inserts think alike.

Also Iffy isn't an alcoholic. She just gets sick of Neptune's shit. A lot. That is my headcanon anyway. FIRE ON STARBOARD, SHIPPERS BE RAIDING, YARRR. (The author apologises for how piratcist that sounded. - Neptune)

**SaltyBooks:** A character's height isn't really something you _think_ about until it's brought up, isn't it? Yeah, stating it via WoG was a _tad lazy on my end_ but again, not good at heights. That and I think I established the general height well enough to sneak it in post-launch. As for how Koei is going to get out of this? Probably not unscathed.

Wew, lotta reviews this time. Almost no time for a chunkier A/N! Guess I'll hand back the reins to the protag, then. La-

(Hey, can I say hi to the readers? I read ahead and I'm not even in this chapter! This is bullshit! I DEMAND MY LAWYER! - Neptune)

Why are you invading my personal space? didn't you get enough screentime last chapter?

(No! - Neptune)

Agh. I'll go get some pudding for Neptune. Enjoy the chapter!

(Later! - Neptune)

* * *

Have you ever watched one of those films that starts right at the end with "_You're probably wondering how I ended up here_" before the actual movie starts? I wish I was in that situation so I could go back in time and _not be here._

Sadly, this isn't TeleVisionTropes, so I can't just go back in time. But here I am, locked up in Lowee's Basilicom, having been arrested by the CPU herself. I didn't expect anything good to come out of this stint of imprisonment, especially with her preconceptions towards me, but as there was no dungeon, one of the guest bedrooms had to do instead. At the very least I didn't have the shit beaten out of me, so that's good at least.

Ah right, how I got here? Well…

* * *

_"Uhh… this isn't what it looks like." Here I am, standing with an injured young girl in my arms with a very angry Blanc ready and willing to bash my fucking skull in. I mean she already drop kicked Linda, so she certainly had no qualms about **me.**_

_Of course, she didn't exactly buy that. "Sure, you just so happen to find my sister, injured and bleeding in this back alley with that **slut** and you're somehow not associated with her. **DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID?**" That didn't quite work, considering that White Heart's face was now as crimson as her eyes at this point._

_Now at this point, I would have loved to say that I handled the situation with dignity and grace and defused the situation peacefully._

_I didn't. I hauled ass in the other direction. This would have been fine in most cases, after all I already had bad times when dealing with angry CPUs. This was not most cases, as I still had the girl in my arms._

_However my legs were already going and I was out of the alleyway already, I couldn't exactly go back. Lifting the girl onto my shoulder for a less cumbersome position, I continued hauling ass through Central Lowee. Of course, a few people gave me stares and whispers "Is that a lolicon?", but I had no time to explain the context._

_Thankfully my public humiliation train would quickly cease, as White Heart did a three point landing several meters in front of me, forcing me to stop suddenly and nearly dropping the girl._

_"**Let go of my sister, you sick twisted PEDOPHILE BASTARD!**" Oh god. **Oh dear god this was going even worse than I thought.** Complying, I put the girl gently on the ground. I had to figure out a way to prove I wasn't going to molest the poor girl. I had a date already, dammit!_

_Opening the UI glove menu quickly, I searched for a potion, brought it out, and began unscrewing the top. People were gathered around as White Heart looked at me in confusion. Good, I can turn this around. Pouring the liquid slowly in, the girl's wounds started to heal. Good, good! I can do this, I ca-_

_"Sir, you're under arrest for kidnapping, child abuse and uh… Wearing Planeptune clothing." The guard, decked out in red and pointing an old-school rifle at me seemed to make up that third offence in order to round out the charges._

_"Might as well be arson, murder and jaywalking, mate." I had long since put Serenity in my inventory as I removed the UI Gloves and handed them to White Heart before being handcuffed. I looked her dead in the eyes before stating "I really didn't want us to meet again under such unfortunate circumstances."_

* * *

So yeah, here I was in the Basilicom, awaiting punishment over a major misunderstanding all because I tried to help someone out. Though to be fair, running away like a bitch really did make things worse for myself rather than better. Oh well, live and learn. At least the room was nice, covered in that homely Lowee spirit.

Of course, I still was handcuffed, so the bookshelves were little more than a tease and even if I had my UI Gloves, I wouldn't have been able to use them. Would probably make for a cool escape if I did, though. Still, I have to make a _good_ impression here. Blanc's not going to trust me if she thinks I'm going to bolt as soon as she uncuffs me. Or even before that.

Speaking of, Blanc opened up the door, now in her human form, jacket and all. On her I noticed that she had the handcuff keys and my gloves. "Koei Tech. It appears that you were correct about the context of our encounter being… Unfortunate. After speaking with my sister, it appears that you weren't the sick bastard I thought you were."

"Ah, I'm glad we could work this out like adu-"

"**However**," she cut me off hard. "You still ran off with my sister and caused a public disturbance rather than simply talk things out. Though I understand I am… _intimidating_ in my CPU form, so this is partially on me." She walked over and unlocked my handcuffs, freeing my hands before handing me my UI Gloves, which I gladly put on. "I'm sure you can forgive me for both this and our previous encounter. Dealing with my new sisters has been rough."

Sisters? "You have more than one?"

Blanc nodded as I stayed seated on the bed. "Correct. Twins. Rom and Ram. You've already become acquainted with Rom, but Ram…" Her unreadable expression saddened a bit. "Ram has been missing since this morning. Due to a lack of shares until recently, both of them were bedridden and too weak to move. It seems someone took advantage of that and took both of them. I'm happy we found Rom, but…"

I can't imagine what she's feeling right now. I honestly cannot fathom the pain she's going through. All I can do…

I place a hand on her back. "Let me make this misunderstanding up to you and help find your sister." I said calmly. "Call this a Blanc slate between us, yeah?"

Blanc smiled a bit at the pun before punching me in the arm. "Fuckbag. I was going to ask for you to look after Rom, while she rested up, but the Oracle can do that instead. Poor Mina."

I hated dealing with children, so I can understand her pain. "Poor lass. Do you have any leads on Ram's whereabouts, though?"

Blanc placed a hand under her chin. "The only location that would make sense is the abandoned Lowee Global Expo. The guild has reported suspicious activity there before and the occasional robot has escaped from that area, leading to the surrounding area being designated as a PVE zone." Wait, robots?

"Hmm. If it's who I think it is behind this, I'll gladly join you then. I have some beef with them, to say the least." I cracked my knuckles, before wincing in pain. "Agh. That hurt."

Blanc gave off a giggle at my expense. Seemed that my presence was helping her somewhat. That and having one of her sisters back. "Alright, no point in dawdling when Ram's life and innocence is at stake. Come on, Fuckbag."

"If you can call me Fuckbag I'm calling you Flatty." I deadpanned.

Blanc turned to me, her face covered in darkness and one crimson eye showing. "If you value your life you'll never utter "Flatty" again."

"D-duly noted."

**Blanc has joined the party.**

* * *

Thankfully Blanc knew where the expo was from experience, so I simply followed her, checking the Share counts in the Nations real quick while we walked:

**Current Share Totals:**

**Planeptune: 20%**

**Lastation: 30%**

**Leanbox: 35%**

**Lowee: 15%**

"Huh, looks like you've made some waves recently Blanc." I utter before closing the menu. She looked at me with curiosity and then my gloves.

"Are those… Lastation's new UI Gloves?" She asked in her default, almost whispering tone. "Impressive technology."

"Yeah. Super useful for inventory management and occasional news reading." I open and close my hands a few times. "Also a good phone replacement. Good for someone like me who didn't have one in the first place." Which was true, as I came here with absolutely _nothing._

"Huh. Nice. We're here, by the way." Blanc said, slightly too late for me to process before going face first into the closed shutter that kept the Expo safe when it wasn't being used. "Ow."

"Told you. It seems our way is blocked." Blanc stated simply. A woman of few words. "You may want to move, I don't want to hit you by accident, surprisingly." Blanc pulled out her weapon of choice, not the proton-futuristic axe that I was used to. Instead it was a giant fucking hammer that she lifted over her shoulder as if it weighed nothing. The amount of contrast between this girl's appearance, her attitude and her weapon was pretty funny. Still, giving a wide berth to that giant hammer and the girl currently rotating to build up momentum on the weapon.

"Out of my way! **Zerstorung!**" Blanc smashed the shutter _incredibly hard_ with a mighty, **clang**, rather impressively denting the shutter while ripping it off of the hinges that supported it in the first place, causing it to be flung into the expo pretty hard, smashing into an unfortunate robot crab that happened to be in the way.

"Yikes." I mutter. "That's a lot of damage. Kinda glad I wasn't on the wrong end of _that._ Have been on the wrong end of a CPU one too many times…"

Blanc for her part, had already strolled into the complex, leaving that muttering of mine to the wind. Probably a good thing, as I didn't need her questioning what I meant by that. Feeling the scar on my stomach was enough of a reminder that these were goddesses I were dealing with, and they _don't hold back_.

Following Blanc, I saw her smash another robot with her hammer, this time a less animalistic design. It really was just a sphere with a helicopter blade attached. A few more of these robot Bits appeared, so Serenity was equipped and pain was going to be dealt. Assuming that Bits can feel pain. Can they? Whatever.

"Yaddah yaddah ice pun, **FROSTBALL!**" I practically threw Serenity at the nearest Bit, causing to fall to the ground and shatter before exploding into data. One down, many more to go.

"Think fast, Fuckbag!" Blanc yelled before I instinctively ducked before a flying Bit caused more injuries to my face as it gracefully smashed into a wall. Giving a glare towards Blanc, I carried on beating the everloving oil out of these spheres with blades.

Of course, these things being simply designed, there were a _lot_ of them and as such, quickly surrounded me. My response? Pull a move I haven't done in a while and began to spin. After a few rotations, I stuck Serenity out in front of me and watched the carnage I could while spinning so fast. Unsurprisingly, the momentum of my sword ccombined with the frailty of these bots caused mass Bit genocide as I cleared the area. After I did I had to slow down to catch my bearings and-

Oh god, think that pizza's coming up.

"And this is why you close your eyes during a spin attack." Blanc muttered as I was currently ejecting pizza from my stomach. Gross? Yes. Efficient murder method? Even more so.

"Thanks for the advice. Did we clear out those Bits?" I got up on my feet, slightly unstead, taking a look around the expo.

"Seems like it. No sign of life aside from the robots, though. I do hope Ram _is_ here, even if I have to tear apart the whole damn place." Blanc was determined at least.

"Same." I muttered. "I want to open that damn robot like the tin can he is."

"Robot?" Blanc heard my muttering. Not good. "That would explain all the mechanical enemies here. But why would you have beef with a robot?"

"They're trying to kill me over a perceived fling I have with another CPU… I mean woman."

"Another CPU, huh? Seems you have a knack for running into us then." Blanc wasn't mad? That's a surprise. "This explains why you're so willing to work with me after I gave you a terrible first impression." She started to walk towards the next area of the expo as I followed suit.

"Eh, you saved my ass from that whale before I made you mad enough to yell at me and fuck right off. If anything, _I_ made a bad impression on _you._" I reasoned. "Plus I didn't think you gave me the **worst **first impression…" I pulled up my jacket and shirt to reveal my still healing scar, now no longer covering my _entire_ chest at least.

"I didn't mean literally, yikes. You sure know how to take a beating." she pointed to my face as if to prove a point. "I mean, you look like you took a sup-"

"Superheated lobster claw, yeah yeah yeah. Exactly what happened, don't blast giant metal lobsters in the eyes." I finished off as we encountered another group of Bits.

"Oh for... Let me take care of this. **EARTHSHATTER!**" Blanc slammed her hammer down on the ground, causing the ground to shake and making parts of the ground fly up, hitting each BIt and causing them to explode in one hit.

Naturally I was shocked. "What."

"Learned it from a big German looking guy from the PC Continent." Blanc shrugged. "Pretty handy technique, but it damages the ground so I don't use it too much."

"Neat." I mutter before we advanced further in. By this point we had walked into an empty looking warehouse full of disassembled technology. "Whoever was here before linked tinkering." I mutter, with Blanc nodding in agreement.

What neither of us noticed was the increasing darkness as the shutter closed behind us. Total darkness reigned for a few moments before the lights came on automatically. Due to how little sunlight reached into the warehouse, we had failed to notice three things.

Linda, noticably more beat up from before, a child similar to Rom tied up in a chair (But unharmed apparently) and **another giant fucking robot lobster.**

"Son of a **bitch**." I deadpanned. "We really fighting another lobster? Nothing more original?"

"Well well well, let's see you make a brand new robot from the ground up in a day!" That damn robot's voice came up again and my UI gloves opened automatically to reveal it. "Such cruel words for the young maiden who merely wants Lady Noire's heart! Such malice! The overwhelming nastine-"

"Don't care. What's your name, dude?" I cut in. My fucks given were at an all time low.

"Well if you **must** know, it's Anonydeath, the Pure Hearted Maiden of this realm." Anonydeath replied. Yay, confirmation. "And as for your sass about my creation, well this version of Heavy Lobster should be satisfactory… You robot snob." He huffed. "Linda darling, please take care of our unwanted guests." The feed then cut off.

"With pleasure." Linda pulled a remote out from her discount UI Gloves and pressed the big red button, causing the golden lobster to whirr to life, eyes glowing with hatred. Well, if robots could feel hate. At the very least, it _looked_ stronger than the one I helped take down yesterday at least. "Ah, feels good to be on the winning side for once!"

"Yeah, _winning_." I mutter before preparing to fight. But then Linda pressed a different button on her remote, Heavy Lobster turned its body towards the tried up Ram and reached one of its claws towards the child, her head right between the pincers.

"Ah, ah, ah. Don't want your little sister to lose her head now, right?" Ram undstandably tried to struggle her way out of her bounds to no avail while the golden lobster's claw stayed in prime decapitation position.

Understandably, Blanc was pretty angry. "Fucking coward, using my own flesh and blood as leverage."

Linda shrugged. "Them's the breaks. Speaking of breaks ..." She pulled her lead pipe out "I think your knees should be broken to match!"

I visibly facepalmed. "I don't care how you bash my kneecaps in, it's not going to hurt anymore than that joke."

"Well, whatever. Just stand still and let me break your knees." Linda approached us, but we really couldn't do anything with her having that remote in her hands. Could I destroy it and cause the robot to malfunction? No, it's too risky if it decides to close its claw while malfunctioning.

Well, it seemed Linda was approaching me first, pipe read to crack my skull in with a vicious grin on her face. In her excitement, she did put her remote back in her inventory in order to dual wield her pipe.

She took a leap and tried to go for a skullwards strike while I sidestepped to the left as her pipe harmlessly bounced off of the ground and her prone position left her vulnerable to a boot to the face. Kicking her to Blanc, she placed her sandals right on Linda's chest, definitely putting some pressure on to prevent her from moving.

"Ugh. I still have the remote, you know." Linda grunted, trying to regain her leverage. Meanwhile I simply wandered to Ram and equipped Serenity. "Blanc, be a dear and make sure she can't use her gloves." I yell over while I start cutting Ram's binds. Despite this, she seemed to have a panicked look on her face and was trying to tell me something, but her gag was covered her mouth.

Eventually I managed to get through the ropes on her arms, to which Ram decided to rip off her gag and yelled "**THE REMOTE IS A DECOY!**" before ducking. Not a second later, the lobster's claw slammed shut, thankfully with nothing inside it. (I was on one knee undoing the rope.)

Combat rolling off her seat, Ram ran over to the wall where a staff had been left, presumably hers. I mean, she was just Rom with longer hair and pink clothing with blue accents instead of vice versa. She also seemed a lot more outgoing than her sister, at least from the determined look in her eyes as she reunited with her staff.

Blanc for her part ran up to embrace her sister, leaving Linda with a pain in her chest and no sense of worth, knowing her entire role in the plan was simply bait.

"Hmm, you know Linda, you're a pretty funny joke." I casually muttered to the girl as she wheezed her way back to two feet. "Too bad your sense of humor is about as bad as you are at your job."

If looks could kill, then Linda… Nah, she couldn't even pull that off. Still, she had death in her eyes and a pipe in her hands ready to wrap around me. Meanwhile I still had Serenity. Who would win this epic duel of fates?

"Good grief this is sad. **Frostblast.**" I simply fired a shot of ice at the thug and just like that, her bottom half was from solid, leaving her completely immobile. "I'll unfreeze you when the bigger threat is taken care of, just chill out for a bit, will you." I snicker at my own pun before turning to the actual threat, the now mobile golden Heavy Lobster, stomping toward me, the claws twisting and preparing for the fight it was made for. Probably quite literally, given the fact it was built so quickly after the last one.

"Hey Blanc, ready to crack some lobster?" I call out to the CPU, who ran to me, hammer in tow and ready to fight.

"Let's do this." She nodded to me before charging forward to strike Heavy Lobster with an overhead strike. Surprisingly, despite the weight of the hit, the robot barely flinched. In response, the robot jumped backwards, and turned its claws to where Blanc was standing. Goddammit, not again.

"Blanc, watch ou-" Thankfully for me, she saw the flamethrower burst coming and went into her HDD form, taking off right as the flames spewed from its cannons. In response, it tried to shoot her down by firing tiny versions of itself after turning the claws upwards.

"A lot more articulate than I expected." I noted before walking around to its side, having time with White Heart being the focus of the crustaceans wrath. Aside from being more mobile, the armor seemed to have an extra layer of defense to it, with any chinks covered up, keeping my strategy from last time from working. "Hey Blanc, found any weaknesses on it yet?"

"No! This fucker's well built, I can't find a way to damage it ! Ah!" White Heart barely dodged a torrent of flame aimed directly at her. Walking out from behind it and taking a few steps away, I needed to analyze it more. Everything has a weakness, right? Robots, robots… Robots usually have some sort of processor, right? Could I...

"You could try overheating the processor to cause the robot to freeze for a few moments while it cools off." A voice came from beside me.

"Yes, genius! Thanks IF!" I turned to IF, who was now here. A moment later I realized that IF was here and yelped. "IF! Nice to see you again!"

"Hey. My new Guild quest was to rescue a kidnapped child, it led me here. Seems the kid's alright, but you two are in some trouble, right?" IF had a smug grin on her face, as if she knew this was going to happen.

"Right on the mark, Stalker. I know a fire spell or two but it didn't really damage the other bot I tried this on."

"I know a fire spell. Wanna combine our spells?" IF brought out her qatars with an even smugger grin on her face. God that grin was so cute.

"Alright, come on before I end up being fried because I spent too long looking at your cute face." I teased before turning around towards the fight in hand. I think I felt the heat of her blushing from over a meter away. Or it could be the flamethrowers.

White Heart was doing well for herself, but was quickly tiring out from the dodging. Time to provide some literal suppressing fire. I took out Serenity and focused all my energy on creating the hottest flame possible. I saw a flame gathering on the tip of Serenity. It started a cherry red, before becoming a deep orange and finally a dazzling bright… blue? That's not how fire worked. Whatever, magic. Had to keep my concentration. IF, still blushing a tad bit, flames dancing around her qatars, waiting for my own fire.

"Well, this should be worth the wait. **Inferno Shot!**" I yelled as I fire the blue flame towards the robot, it now turning towards the source of the noise, letting some pressure off White Heart.

"Alright, let's see how this goes. **Demon Flame!**" IF added her own spell to the equation, initially starting as a nice orange, before combining with my flame to create a beautiful cyan explosion of flame that completely covered Heavy Lobster.

My UI Gloves made a ding noise. Opening them up, there was Histoire, seeming excited.

_Congratulations user! You have learned a Combo Skill! Using certain spells with certain conditions can lead to wild combinations that will devastate the field! Mix and match to learn many more combos!_

**Combo Spell Found: Blue Demon's Inferno**

"Edgy." I mutter as the flames eventually died out from our combo. As expected, Heavy Lobster seemed to have been stunned by the immense amount of heat it was blasted. What wasn't expected as the fact that the spell managed to sear the paint off entirely, leaving it with a burnt chrome instead of the gold it had.

"Well, job well done ladies." I said, not realizing that we merely made it overheat to stun it. After a moment, it got back up and the eyes on it turned crimson red.

"**Overheat Prevention Activated. Releasing Limiters.**" The robotic voice announced, indicating the fight was in fact not over.

**(Current music: Heavy Lobster (Kirby Super Star Ultra) - GaMetal Remix)**

"Ah. Shit." I said as IF face palmed, before preparing her qatars.

"Nothing's that easy with you around, Arsonist, isn't it?" She muttered before I prepared Serenity for round 2.

**Warning: Boss Fight Approaching**

**Koei, IF and White Heart**

**Vs.**

**Heavy Lobster Mk2 (Limiters Off)**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

"**Assessing target threat. CPU detected. Engaging…**"

Heavy Lobster decided that it wanted to be a kangaroo and leapt straight towards the airborne White Heart, resulting in a direct hit on the flying cuss fairy and causing her to be launched across the warehouse.

"Well, there goes our tank…" I mutter as Heavy Lobster landed up a small quake, before leaping again to turn to our direction. It was _certainly_ built for mobility this time and was taking full advantage of its legs, stomping toward us while priming its claws for the next attack. IF for her part decided to go to my right, as I went left to split up the targets.

The crustacean decided that this wasn't good, so turned its claws to us anyway, looking pretty weird. Claws are _not_ supposed to bend that way. Still, the flamethrowers activated, but instead of aiming _at_ us, the robot started leaping in circles, using its momentum to try and fry us with the bent claws acting as an area of effect attack. Scarcely managing to keep my eyebrows, I took a few steps back.

IF for her part dodged, ducked, dipped, dived and dodged each and every particle that came her way, before leaping on Heavy Lobster itself and attempting to hack the offending flame-spewing claw off. Unfortunately it was as armored as the rest of the body, leading to the amount of damage on it being minimal at best. Soon the leaping became too much for IF and she was launched off the robot. It's fortunate that she was flung in my direction, then.

"Ugh." I grunt as I caught her. "Lose some weight, will you. You make this hero lark hard work." I earned a playful glare from the girl I admired before standing on her own two feet again. The problem was that we had no effective way to damage it. Even using Blue Demon's Inferno (edgy) only seemed to burn the paint off and stun it for a moment, which required setup and Heavy Lobster was aggroing us _hard_, so that was out.

"Hey, dipshits. Did you forget about me?" White Heart limped in, drinking a Healing Potion and dragging her axe in her otherwise free hand, causing small burn marks on the floor. "While it might be more aggressive, it might be sacrificing the iron-clad defense in order to gain mobility."

IF put a hand to her chin while Heavy Lobster prepared its next attack. "That would make some sense, considering that it probably vents heat out of _somewhere._ I **think** there's some chinks on top the armor now, but it'll probably be too hard to remove…"

"Heh." White Heart flung her empty potion behind her and lifted her axe over her shoulder. "Nothing is "too hard" to remove for the CPU of Lowee. Leave the armor piercing to me!" And thus she fucked off above Heavy Lobster again, this time keeping a careful eye on its movement as not to get literally bodied again.

"**Switching to Anti-Personnel Missiles."**

Oh no. The claw cannons rather predictably started firing missiles, though they had a shoddy aim and thus the barrage missed entirely, blowing up several crates behind us.

"**TANZERRIN TROMBE!**" White Heart yelled as she dive bombed the robot, spinning around and nailing it with several axe strikes, before slamming her axe right on top of the skull. This time there was a momentary stun along with a noticeable dent. "Haha, nothing can defend against my onslaught!" She smugly laughed as I rolled my eyes.

"Well, it still hasn't really shut down, has it?" It kept whirring and clanking, now folding its body in and bending the claws to the opposite direction of us to… "Oh shit, **incoming**!" I yell and combat roll to the right as Heavy Lobster speed boosted towards us. Thankfully my warning came in time as IF and White Heart went to my left and above me respectively, leading Heavy Lobster to crash into the other side of the warehouse, a pile of boxes falling on top of it. "Well designed AI, 10/10."

Of course, if a giant proton axe to the skull wasn't going to stop it, boxes weren't either, as it busted through the pile again. Turns out it went _straight through the wall_ and back again. That would have hurt. A **lot.**

"Anyone got bright ideas? It seems be taking damage, but getting more and more aggressive with each passing moment." IF asked, to which White Heart shrugged.

"I've tried hitting it and hitting it harder. If I had more Shares I'd tear the bastard apart with my bare hands."

"Well, we tried fire, which made it somewhat more vulnerable but aggressive, why not..." I mutter as I point Serenity at it. No time like the present after all. "Time for some fried lobster! **Thunderblast!**"

A shot similar to the Frost and Fire variants shot out of Serenity. Barely feeling the recoil, the shot smacked the robot square between the eyes, shocking it and shutting it down…

**Circuit overload detected. Activating self-destruct.** **Three minutes remain until detonation. Objective: Destroy intruders at any cost.**

"GREAT IDEA KOEI. YOU TURNED IT INTO A **FUCKING BOMB!**" White Heart yelled at me, which wasn't _entirely_ undeserved. Still, that should have fried it, right? Why didn't it…

"I think I'm on the right track here. But it doesn't seem like the shock affected any core systems and this is the default circuit breaker to prevent surges from destroying any mechanics." What? I like robots. Well, not ones actively _trying to kill me,_ but this line of logic was reasonable. I didn't become an engineer anyway, but it _sounded_ fine. "White Heart, can you make a hole in the skull? I might need to take a more direct shock to it."

"I heard "cave the fucking skull in" so I'm sold." White Heart rushed towards the prone timebomb, slamming down on the damaged skull until it split open, revealing the circuits underneath. "Got the circuits, what now Fuckbag?"

"Oh you know, nothing much." I say nonchalantly as I focused power into Serenity. If I could make it use fire ice and fire spells, that means…

Serenity took on a golden hew as it started sparking, before it became a conduit of lightning, discharging wildly. Perfect.

The UI Gloves made a ding, but this wasn't the time so I didn't open the menu. As I walked to the immobile being, Histoire's voice piped up from the gloves instead.

**Skill Unlocked: Blade Enchant**

_Enhance the power of your sword with an element temporarily. Perfect for close range encounters with elementals. This also will boost the power of the element you enchanted with temporarily, but decreases the power of all other elements and spells. _

Thanks Histoire. Standing a good 5 meters away, I took a running start, leapt into the air and aimed straight for the hole with my new cattle prod of a sword.

"**THUNDERSTRIKE!**" I yelled, making up another skill on the spot as Serenity glowed brighter, nearly blinding me as I inserted the sword right through the hole in the skull and straight into the brain, causing the entire body to start convulsing in shock.

I kept hold of the blade, not out of any free will, but because I forgot one of the fundamental laws of electricity: **Don't jam metal objects into electronics unless you want to be shocked to death.**

**(End song)**

So that was a minor flaw in my plan, not being able to get off the robot while taking a pretty hard electric shock throughout my body, my nerves screaming as they kept being activated from the completed circuit. Eventually, White Heart pulled me from the blade (Despite what you might think otherwise, the skintight bodysuit was useful for _not_ conducting electricity. That and I think the gloves were shockproof too.) and put me down, body still convulsing violently. I couldn't move of my own free will, my body kept going in painful angles and I couldn't scream for someone to put me out of my misery.

After what felt like forever, IF came into view and popped a yellow pill into my mouth, after a moment or two of violently flinging it around my mouth, it went down my throat where my body did the rest. Slowly but surely, the convulsing stopped and I regained control of my body. IF for her part, did her best to calm me by stroking my hair and giving the most serene smile she could in the situation. I'll admit, we were both blushing pretty hard by the time I got back up onto my feet.

"..." Blanc, now back in her human form looked at me with that same unreadable expression. I'll admit, her CPU form is way easier to socialize with, even if it devolves to arguing with the cuss fairy about strategy, it's still better than _that_ stare.

Turning to where I jammed Serenity, it was there but the robot wasn't any longer, just a pile of credits and loot. "Heh, totally nailed it." I attempted to play it off coolly, but IF had other plans and slapped me around the face.

"The _utter hell_ was that? "Oh let me jam a metal blade surging with energy into a metal robot?" You could have died from the shock! What if that shock stopped your heart from beating?" Huh. Never considered that.

"W-Well…"

"I thought so." IF rolled her eyes before giving a wry smile. "This is why I keep Paralaxin on hand, as well as other remedies. Paralysis is particular is pretty nasty, as you no doubt learned first hand."

I rubbed my head sheepishly. "Yeahhh, not my best thought plan. Least we didn't die in a fiery explosion, though?"

"We could have escaped." Blanc piped up. "Even if the robot was still mobile, it was unlikely it would be able to catch me at full speed. And I doubt that carrying the both of you would have been too much of a burden. Even so, the robot looked entirely immobile at that point, meaning the only thing at risk would have been this abandoned warehouse. Really, as stylish as your finishing move was, it was completely unnecessary and extremely risky to yourself."

"Thanks, Captain Hindsight." I mutter just loud enough for her to hear before looking around for the other two people that I accidentally forgot about in the midst of battle. "Where's Ram and Linda?"

"I told Ram to go back to the Basilicom and fto fly straight there. She seemed excited to use her CPU form, at least." Of course she's a CPU Candidate. "As for that thuggy slut? I believe she escaped after a missile hit a nearby crate, causing the heat to melt the ice around her legs."

"I wanted to ask her about her UI Gloves and why she was working for/with Anonydeath, but I guess that's too late now. I'm just glad to be alive…"

"Yes, congratulations on staying alive long enough to hear my lovely monologue." Anonydeath interrupted, floating into the room view four hovering… things. I blame magnets. "And congratulations on beating the prototype Heavy Lobster, I didn't think you'd connect the dots on robots not liking electricity! You are slightly smarter than I originally thought!"

Looking up and down the "robot", I noticed it was a fair bit larger than the average human, almost like it was intended that way in order to say, fit a human inside of it comfortably. "Yup, that'll explain a lot." I mutter non-committedly.

Blanc meanwhile had switched from her default mood to her more… Outspoken self. "The **fuck** do you think you're doing, using **my sisters** as hostages against me, you sick fuck?"

"My, my Blanny dearest, you're even worse than Koei over there." Anonydeath chided, wagging his finger at the pissed-off CPU. "I only came here in order to congratulate you on foiling my plan to tank Lowee's Shares and give them to Lastation. You'll find everything I used over there." Anonydeath pointed to an open shutter that lead to a room full of computers and other technology. "Feel free to use it however you'd like. I'd be quick though… Heavy Lobster isn't the only thing I rigged to blow, after all!" And with that, he flew off, right through the roof of the complex.

**Warning: Self-Destruct in: 3 minutes.** Came a female voice, similar to Histoire echoed from nowhere. "Guess we have to make this quick." I ran over to the various terminals and skimmed at the various logs. Most of it was specifications and design notes for the robot animals, one or two were for Heavy Lobster itself and another one seemed to be… Stolen documents of the UI Gloves?

"Woah." IF stood at my side, scanning a different set of terminals. "Seems that this guy knew about your arrival before even Histoire. This entry was dated over a month ago and talks about "A new rift."

What? I looked at what IF was pointed at, and a bit above. "Hey, it says here that he's set up shop here from "his own dimension" due to the fact that the technology here is far more advanced? What does that even mean?"

**Self-Destruct in: 2 minutes.**

I had to find out more. This could be my key to figuring out Anonydeath's plan before it even begins. I scrolled through more, documents on how he sneaked in cameras to Lastation's Basilicom, how they were taken down instantly and circumventing the security system. How he saw Noire for the first time and wanted to be with her, his erotic self-insert fanf-

"Woah. Nooo." I closed **that** quickly. Juicy as it could have been, I really didn't want to be reading that when I had more important things on my mind. That and IF was here. She gave me a quick look, a look to the thing I closed, then smile before scrolling through more of Anonydeath's notes.

"Hmmm? This one is titled "Dimension Differences."" I mutter again. I should stop, but I opened this anyway.

* * *

_Anonydeath's Log_

_Day 4_

_It appears that this dimension doesn't have any CPU Memories to speak of, which is highly unfortunate for my ongoing goal of DATA EXPUNGED, but alas I did learn other things about this place._

_For one, the Nations are far bigger and more advanced than back in my home dimension (It seems I should differentiate the two. Ultradimension, maybe?) along with there being two other nations not present in Ultradimension; Leanbox and Lastation._

_Additionally, it seems that CPUs are just born at a certain amount of Shares, rather than the rare CPU Memories. This however gives me a chance to see an alternative future of Gamindustri, as it seems that the Lowee CPU is practically the same, despite the Planeptune CPU being completely different. Does this mean that there's a version of the lovely Lastation CPU back home that will find a CPU memory? Two versions of that perfect goddess? Oh, I can't imagine! It would do well for me to keep an eye out for similar looking women when I go back to Ultradimension._

* * *

"He's… He's not of this world." I said, no emotion in my voice. "He's… Just like me?"

IF put her hand on my back, comforting me slightly. "It doesn't matter where he's from, nor does it matter where you're from. It's your actions that matter, not your home."

I smiled and gave thanks before looking through another log entry.

* * *

_Day 12_

_It seems Lady Noire is troubled. All she's done since coming back this afternoon is pace up and down her bedroom and crying. I want nothing more than to comfort her and to destroy whatever was responsible for making her like this._

* * *

_Day 15_

_It seems the person responsible has turned up to the Basilicom. The slimy bastard calls himself "Koei." and seemed to have hit off rather well with __**my**_ _lady, despite making __**her**_ _cry. What a jerk. I would never make my lady cry. He must be stopped._

* * *

_Day 16_

_Lady Noire gave this "Koei" a pair of UI gloves as an "apology", as if all this was her fault .Nothing could be her fault ,she's perfect. Clearly there is some manipulative behaviour happening. I need to start planning out how to take care of this snake in the grass. Perhaps I could hire someone..._

* * *

"Linda." I stated simply. "I get it now."

IF looked at me. "Hmm? You find out something?"

I glared back. "Linda's working for Anonydeath. Everything since the 5pb. incident has been **his** doing. It makes sense now, he was trying to get me thrown in jail, and when that didn't work, tried to have me _killed._"

**Self-Destruct in: 30 seconds.**

"I've seen enough anyway. Come on." I motion for the other two to move out, starting to jog towards the exit (Not before grabbing Serenity and a pile of Credits from the corpse of Heavy Lobster, of course.) and made my way out along with IF and Blanc.

Not 5 seconds later, the room of computers at the back of the warehouse exploded, taking all of that bastard's logs with it. Would having all those documents have made it easier to track him down if necessary? Sure. Was it cathartic as hell to watch all of that hard work literally and metaphorically blow up, revealing who he truly is as well as how **fucking petty** he was truly? **Oh hell yes.**

"Well, that's a job well done." Blanc stated monotonically. "Now if you excuse me, I have sisters to look after. Thank you for everything today Koei and IF. Consider it a pleasure to have worked with you."

"Thanks Blanc. Oh, I have a message from one of the other CPUs, by the way." I remembered in the nick of time, as Blanc raised an eyebrow. "Lady Green Heart… She says…"

"Well? What did Thunder Tits have to say to me that the bitch couldn't say to my face?" Blanc spat venomously, showing some _very obvious_ hated towards Vert. This was going to hurt…

"She said that your human form is cute." I said quickly before turning away, rubbing the back of my head nervously. IF was snickering to herself, knowing how awkward that must have been for me to state out loud.

Blanc stood for a few moments., completely silent. When I found the courage to look at her again, she was motionless, almost contemplative.

"Huh."

And with that, Blanc went HDD and flew off to the Basilicom. It's funny that just a few hours ago I was in the same Basilicom being treated as a criminal, yet we parted amicably. That _last_ awkward moment aside, of course.

"Well IF, it's… 4:30pm. You were going to show me a place you knew where we could drink?"

IF gave a grin. "Ah, you remembered after all that today! Let me turn in this Quest and we'll get going. It's in Planeptune too, so you don't have to worry about paying for a room tonight either."

"Nice." I shot a thumbs up before taking a slice of pizza out of my inventory and taking a quick bite. Convulsing gives you a _hell_ of a workout.

**Blanc has left the party.**

* * *

(The chapter ends here? What a rippoff, I demand my money back! - Neptune)

Hey didn't you say you read ahead already?

(I skimmed it for mentions of my name. Nothing else. - Neptune)

Ugh, are you going to be a recurring gag?

(Depends on how the readers like it. I think it adds a little spice to these _boring_ A/Ns - Neptune)

Ah fuck. Whatever. Next chapter will be delayed for a bit, mentioning it again for reasons. Plus I want to leave the idea of Koei and IF going out for a drink out there just to be a dick. Also there'll be a cameo from one of my favourite V/Ns, I'd say try and guess, but it's pretty obscure. OR not, I don't know obscurity.

(Hmm, an alcoholic cameoing a V/N. Wonder what that could apply to? - Neptune)

Hey, don't spoil it for people, otherwise I'll delete your pudding.

(BRING IT BITCH! - Neptune.)

Grr. Oh well, I'll deal with you next chapter. Later folks!

(Bye! - Neptune)


	12. The Obligatory Drinking Chapter

**A/N:** Getting back in the groove was rough, jeez. Maybe it's just because that (Spoiler) this was a very slow chapter as you might expect from the **subtle hinting** of last chapter. Very dialogue heavy, pretty rough to write admittedly. Hope it stands up with the previous chapter or two.

Let's just get on with the fanmail, there's a lot to get through.

**Blaze2121: **Well we can't have Anonydeath without Ultradimension, can we? I have the feeling that despite my continued protests, Sadie and her misfit gang of CPUs will be relevant at some point. I have to _get there_ first, of course.

**Xbox432: **Absolute boner of an error there, thanks for pointing it out. I'll also take the time to reply to your other comment that you posted by mistake (No worries.)

I think Chapter 11 has been my favourite of the bunch so far. So much drama, action and banter all mixed up into one meme-fest of a package. And I have **no idea how the fuck I pulled that off.** And yes, Linda is as useless yet sneaky as ever. I wonder if this will come into play?

Probably not. Linda's a joke.

**EnderSoul1401: **Neptune's proverbial shit is just like Koei's: Charming until it isn't! I think she's just exaggerating to get on Koei's good side, honestly.

As for UD IF… Jeez that will be awkward. Or would it? Fear of **THE GREAT LADY SADIE** aside, they're practically the same. Or maybe I haven't played enough RB3. (Which I have been doing sporadically between last update and this one. IF's utter crap by the way, she is _not_ suited for even the midgame, jeez. Meanwhile Kei is just carrying the team. One letter off Koei, I wonder if there's a connection.)

Alright, I've left you all anticipating for long enough. **ON. WITH. THE. DRINKING!**

* * *

By the time we arrived back in Planeptune, the sun was already setting over the horizon. To be fair, it also gave the ivory towers an orange hue, giving the area some more variety of visual flair. Of course, this wasn't the main reason for coming back to Planeptune at such an hour (And neither was the convenience of being able to crash at the Basilicom, thanks Histoire!)

That would be partaking in the greatest of pastimes: Alcoholism! (The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.)

Following IF through the rapidly thinning streets of Planeptune, we didn't really say anything as I followed her. It would have been awkward if it wasn't for the fact that I was pretty tired from the earlier fight and I think she noticed and just let me be.

Eventually, IF stopped in front of a… Very different looking building. It concentrated the clean nature of Planeptune by simply not having any white on it. In fact, it was purple and black all throughout, with the purple neon letting it stand out amongst the black tiling covering the building.

The sign marking the name of this place was more of a bright pink neon with the word "**CE1 EST-1A**"

"Celestia, huh?" I turned to IF, who was about to enter the building, She turned back with a shrug before walking in, leaving me out and gather my thoughts for a moment. Certainly looked like the sort of hipster place that IF would frequent and seemed fairly quiet to boot. I took a deep breath and followed IF into the building.

The first thing that hit me was the smell. It wasn't a bad smell by any means, it just smelled _off_ in some way. Probably the cleaning supplies leaving that behind. Looking around, the interior matched the exterior well, with the dim lighting of the bar contrasting well with the neon pink wall lights. The bar itself shot for a nice cyberpunk theme to it. IF was sat at the bar already, but the bar itself was unattended.

Sitting down next to IF, the stool felt comfortable but still supported my weight well had enough resistance to not sink entirely, letting it reform easily after use. Perfectly functional if not too interesting. The bar itself was a pretty standard metal lump to place your drinks on, complete with a chrome finish to get a nice reflection of your awful, awful face.

I did take a look though. It seems that aside from the bandage across the top of my head covering the claw wound, I looked the same. Might need a shave, though. In the dark I couldn't tell if my hair had changed colour from the usual dirty blonde. Oh well, I was never one for personal care anyway. Maybe it's due to not seeing people much back then.

Or it could be the concussion.

"Customers? Well shit. Time to mix drinks and change lives." came an unfamiliar voice, strolling in with a class in one hand and a glass filled with said cloth in the other. Her face showed one that really didn't scream anything but "I've been through some shit" with a glint of "I hate my job but hey it's a living." Her attire was simply some bartender fare, a black (or was it blue?) tuxedo accented with a red tie. The only other notable features were her ebony hair in a ponytail complete with sideburns and her ruby red eyes that contrasted well with IF's eyes.

Oh right, I'm supposed to be on a da- drinking session, I should pay attention to her. Glancing at IF, she had her hand underneath the chin and leaned on the bar with a wry smile on her face. "Sick of me already, Koei? Thought you said we had a _connection_?" She teased. Got me there.

"Uh yeah, just weird to see a non-generic NPC working here." I mutter little commitment to what I was actually saying. This was going to be a long night, wasn't it?

It was about then that the atmospheric music kicked in. I thought it was oddly silent in here.

**(Current music: Welcome to VA-11-HALL A** \- **VA-11 HALL-A OST)**

"Welcome to Valhalla." the barkeep said as the music had time to settle down and become atmospheric rather than jarring. "What can I get you two?"

"My usual, Jill." IF ordered, before turning to me. "As for Koei… Well, I think a Beer would do him."

"Coming right up, IF." Jill turned around and started throwing several coloured liquids and then pouring them into a glass, then repeating the process, albeit with a different order. a few moments later, Jill turned back with a Beer in one hand and a strange red drink in a martini glass in the other.

"There you go. 450 Credits." I pulled out some Credits and handed them to Jill, before placing the cash in the register. As for the Beer itself, it was pretty much a beer. That orange liquid topped with a head of froth made my mouth water slightly as I took a good long sip. It was as you expected, pretty good, though it didn't really have anything to set it apart from similar beer. It would do for getting me hammered, with the day I've had…

"You ever had to fight a giant robot lobster, Jill?" I ask the bartender, some exasperation in my voice as I set down the glass, IF giving me a sympathetic glance before going back to her own drink.

"Coming out of the gates swinging, huh?" Jill cleaned her glass while giving a half-lidded look. "Can't say I have. Can't say that I know anyone else has either."

I pointed a thumb towards IF. "She did. Fuckers hurt by the way. Superheated lobster claws are **not** very good for your face."

"I figured as much." Jill put down her now cleaned glass and picked up another dirty one. "You're an adventurer, then?"

"Yup, I'm a glorified hobo." I took another drink. "Though I do have a place to crash for the time being, which is useful for saving credits. How about you, Jill, how do you make a living?"

"I mix drinks and change lives." She stated simply. "Not really much to it. You listen, you talk, you throw out shitty clients. Then you go home and drink your cheap Beer that you buy in bulk from the store and talk to your cat."

"Sounds about right." Silence fell between the three of us momentarily. It was weird to be in a situation where we could talk in peace for once. No fighting, no global politics. Just relaxing after a long day of work with a drink and a friendly face.

"So, I'm liking the look of this place." I make small talk while waiting for the alcohol to kick in."Really sets this place apart from other places here in Planeptune."

"Yup. Bringing some of that Glitch City charm to Gamindustri. Just without the smell of dog piss." Jill cleaned another glass, tone unchanging as her unreadable face started into my nearly empty glass. "Another round? You seem to be someone who wants to forget."

"Sure." IF spoke up, attacking our attention. "What, did you forget about me?"

If there was proper lighting, my blushing would have been easily visible. It might have been barely visible in the light, but I was too busy trying to read IF's current expression. She seemed unimpressed.

"My bad, IF. Just fascinating to meet new people."

IF waved me off. "Don't worry about it, thought it'd be a good time to get a refill. I'll pay this time for being a bother. I j-just… Nevermind." IF's blush could have fit in with the neon surrounding the walls. Getting up, she walked outside.

Turning to Jill for a moment, I saw her eyebrow raise before coming back down. I could almost hear her inner monologue saying "yikes", but I'm sure that was the Beer kicking in.

"Well, I'm sure you enjoyed the Beer as a starter, but would you like to try anything else, Koei?"

Looking to the menu, I saw various cocktail names. Fringe Weaver, Mercuryblast, Brandtini (Which I think was what IF ordered), Bad Touch…

"BAD TOUCH?!" My inner teenager nearly burst out laughing at the hilariously inappropriate name of the drink. I swear I saw Jill's composure nearly break down too.

"T-that'll be 250 Credits. Anything else?" I handed over the Credits as she handed the drink. It was very green and served in a tall glass with ice. It looked as bad as the naming was, truthfully.

"Uh yeah… Do you know IF's _favourite_ drink? It doesn't seem that the drink she ordered would be one of her favourites. I'll pay for it, of course."

Jill put a free hand to her chin thoughtfully. "Well, there is _one drink _that she orders when she's feeling down… Give me a minute." She got to work as IF returned, face noticeably less beetroot than before, looking confused at my Bad Touch and the fact that Jill was working on another drink.

"Sorry about that, I had to er… Call Compa and tell her I'd be back later. Yeah, that's it." I could barely see the blush on her face at this point, but she was coming back to her usual self.

It was at this time that Jill finished the process of her latest concoction. The glass was notably wider than mine, but just as tall, possibly to accommodate more ingredients. The "drink" itself was a cyan blue that reminded me of Lowee, topped with a flower ornament stuck to the side of the glass, making it look fancier but not impeding the glass itself.

"320 Credits, if you don't mind." Jill asked for payment and I handed it over dutifully. These drinks were stacking up in cost, but I had enough to splurge a bit, I felt. Money doesn't buy happiness, but alcohol can lead to it!

"A… Piano Woman?" IF looked at me with a half-hearted glare. "You asked Jill, didn't you."

"Bartender confidentiality." Jill stated simply. "Can neither confirm nor deny who ordered that drink." She turned a gave a sly wink to me before starting to clean out another class. IF rolled her eyes before taking a drink of her Piano Woman, seeming to gain a ghost of a smile in the process.

"Ahh Compa, where did the time go?" IF muttered to herself, reflecting on times gone by for a moment before snapping back to reality. I for my part, chose to ignore that and take a sip of my Bad Touch and-

Well first impressions are always important and this drink certainly left a memorable one. Have you ever had one of those sour sweets? You know the kind, the ones coated in sugar to mask the fact that they're essentially gelatin lemons? Take those, remove the sugar, blend them into a drink, add alcohol and you have a Bad Touch.

I regained consciousness… eventually and took a look at the drink. It was still there, as were IF and Jill. They weren't worried as much as trying to hold in their laughter.

"What's wrong Koei?" IF smirked, clearly enjoying my pain. "Did you get a Bad Touch?" Which would have been a perfectly innocuous question had it not been for the name of the drink.

For my part I rolled my eyes and braced myself as I took another drink. After the initial shock, it honestly wasn't _that_ bad. It even had a classy sort of touch to it, like a brandy or some of that expensive wine. Just you know, wrapped inside a lemon.

"Keep laughing, this is actually… Kinda alright." Cue more barely restrained laughter from IF as I slowly placed my face into my hands. I did this to myself.

**(Current Music: Snowfall (VA-11 HALL-A OST)**

Eventually the laughter died down and silence reigned over the bar, aside from the jukebox of course. I had finished off the Bad Touch (snrk) and was waiting for it to kick in before ordering another. Just because I had a long day didn't mean I was going to force IF to carry me home.

Looking at IF, she was taking her time with her Piano Woman, taking occasional glances to her phone before putting it away and looking back at Jill, who had ran out of glasses to clean and was just keeping an eye on us. Nobody wanted to be the one to break the silence, it seemed.

"So… IF." I initiate small talk, as much as I would like the silence, this was meant to be a date… I mean drinking session. "Where did your name come from?"

IF took a moment to finish off her Piano Woman. No really, she took what must have been easily a third of the drink and chugged it down before wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "You know how I use fire magic and am a spellblade? There's a reason for that."

"Oh?"

"You might have gathered that IF is just a codename I use. My name isn't "Miss Factory" either, that's just a cover-up to keep people off my back when I have to use my "full" name." Here comes the big secret reveal.

"Then what _is_ it?"

"My name is Ifrit. Named after the legendary fire demon. Because I'm a descendent of his. My mother was human and he was my father."

My jaw dropped. "Holy sweet fuck, are you serious?"

Silence. IF's expression started to change. "Y-y-y-" She then broke down into an even harder laughing fit, nearly falling off of her stool. "NO! Could you **imagine?** I can't believe you fell for that!"

I looked at Jill, who had her usual unreadable expression. "She's a bit of a lightweight." She clarified. I could tell. "Might want to make this next one your last before you end up escorting her home."

"Sure thing." I took a look at the menu as the hysterical laughter died down. "Guess I can get something sweet to wash down the Ba- last drink I had." Didn't want to set the less than sober IF off again. "I'll take two Moonblasts."

This prompted a nod from Jill. "Large Moonblast, what about the lady friend?"

"I'll take a large Piledriver!" IF yelled, clearly not calm from her previous drinks. "If you're only letting me have one more drink, I might as well go full tilt!"

I looked at Jill and she gave me a "God help you" look as she started making our drinks. She finished the Moonblast and passed it to me. It was similar to the Bad Touch, but pink rather than green and served in a large glass due to ordering a larger one. IF's drink on the other hand, could only be described as pure liquid manliness with a squeeze of orange.

Taking a sip of my Moonblast, it tasted like you'd expect a pink drink to taste: liquid diabetes. The overwhelming sugar content overpowered the other flavours of the drink (Though I did taste a smidgen of strawberry, but that could be the placebo effect.) but it still tasted _nice_.

IF on the other hand, took a swig of her Piledriver and it looked like she was having a much worse time, barely being able to keep the drink in her mouth. The karmic justice was kind of cute with her making fun of me for having a Bad Touch so I didn't mind revelling in it. She did eventually swallow down her first swig, then took a look at what remained and looked at me with a look of "Help, this is too much for me."

I pretended to ignore her. The alcohol content in that looked _way_ too high for me. Plus if I still felt if I needed a drink, I could pull a Koei Kombo when I got back to the Basilicom. But for now, I enjoyed my liquid diabetes.

"So do you get any other customers, Jill?" I asked quizzically. It felt like it had been a while, but I haven't bothered to check my watch since coming in and didn't really want to see how late it was now.

"Not really." Jill replied, shrugging internally. "I mean you're the first new customer in weeks. Back in Glitch City I got like, 3-4 clients a day, about 2 of those were new maybe? Here in Gamindustri, I get IF sometimes, some clearly underaged girl who asks for "Pudding" not realizing this is a bar and her sister who always apologizes and buys an alcohol free drink as an apology. She's a nice kid. Anyway, if it wasn't for the absurdly low rent for this place, I'd probably have shut down within the month."

"Yeah I think the rent's cheaper because of adventurers. Not really a consistent paycheck so they just like keeping things fair. Do you at least make a profit?" I did take a business class briefly at one point, so I'm not entirely dense when it comes to running a business. Just _mostly._

"A few thousand Credits a month. Enough to keep the place stocked, as well as enough for me to live off of. Nothing grand, but it's a living."

"Amen to that. I'd offer to come work here, but it doesn't seem like you'd even recoup the cost of hiring me even if I brought in all my friends."

"That and you're not qualified. Celestia is kinda _weird_ when it comes to who works behind the bar. Due to how the mixing of drinks works. Can only get a certificate in Glitch City way on the PC continent, probably part of why this is the only place like this in Gamindustri."

"Uh, you two gonna wrap up your business talk or what?" IF had finished off her Piledriver and was stood up, not swaying _too_ much as to be noticable, but I could see her easily doing so once the Piledriver hit. Finishing off my Moonblast, I made sure I had everything on me.

"Well, been nice meeting you Jill, If I'm ever in the mood for a drink and a talk again, I'll pop around."

"I'd appreciate the business." Jill replied simply, giving a small smile. "You pay right off the bat and don't spend the whole evening on one drink, that's good enough for me."

And with that, IF and I left CE1 EST-1A and went back to the Planeptune night.

**(End Song)**

* * *

The cold Planeptune evening hit us both as we exited, the buildings being a shining becon of hope against the opressive darkness. IF for her part, did look a fair bit more dishevelled against the bright lights of Planeptune.

"Come on, let's get you home first. I can stumble my way back to the Basilicom." I told IF. She glared at me for a moment, before walking off in no particular direction, me walking alongside her to make sure she was alright.

A few minutes and we hit an apartment complex. IF would have hit it literally if I didn't stop her. Seemed to be fairly generic, the same purple and white decor slapped around a big ol' tower, complete with an intercom because letting random people walk into an apartment complex is a no-go, captain.

IF pressed _a button_ out of the several rows worth, and we sat in silence and waited for the dial tone. Eventually, someone picked up.

"Hello? Iffy?" Compa's voice was on the other end. She sounded _slightly_ worried at best. "Did you go out drinking without telling me? Oh I'll come down right away!" and the line went dead.

IF for her part, seemed to lose her cool a little bit. I saw a sweat drop form on her cheek before she turned to me. "For both our sakes, you should probably get back to the Basilicom. Or the bar. Either way, away from here. Compa is not someone you want to annoy."

Seemed like a fair enough reason. Still, I wanted to make this night memorable. Against my better judgement (Who needs that when you have alcohol?) I wrapped my arms around IF. After a moment of two of silence (and feeling the blazing heat from her blushing), she hugged me back. "See ya, IF."

"See ya, Koei." She curtly replied, before I made like a tree and _got the hell outta there before shit went __**down**__._ I checked my watch for the first time in a while. 7:30pm, huh?

Guess I could do with another drink.

* * *

Returning back to CE1 EST-1A was a brisk and uneventful walk, though I did hear girlish yelling from behind me as I walked, poor IF is going to feel that in the morning. That and the hangover.

**(Current music: Every Day is Night - VA-11 HALL-A OST)**

Still, reentering the cyberpunk bar, I spotted Jill serving another customer.

The girl (I presume at this point that anyone who wasn't a generic looking NPC was female. It's just how this world works.) had blue hair, pretty much everywhere. That with the contrasting red, very **justice **looking scarf made her stand out at least. All I could really tell aside from that at the angle I was at was her black, zip-up jacket and her assets… Or _lack thereof._ Maybe breast- best not to bring that up.

"... And _that's_ how I saved the Netherworlds from Overlord Void Dark and his motley crew, single handedly!" The girl seemed to have some form of ego, but with a chest like _that_…

"Ah, Koei. Welcome back." Jill greeted casually, done with the girl's shit, apparently. Or it would seem that way. "Back to order another drink? You really want to forget today."

I gave a nonchalant shrug. "I mean my day wasn't awful, but if I ever see lobster again, I'm jamming Serenity right through it and never looking back."

"I'll take that as "I'll take a Beer."" Jill replied curtly as I nodded, before turning to my fellow drinker, who seemed to be eyeing me up and down with a curious look. A bit too much at my chest, though…

"Do you have something wrong with your voice box, miss?" She asked me, as if that was a _normal thing to ask._

"Which is more likely, I'm a female who has a male voice, or I'm one of the few competent males in this entire goddamn universe?" I shot back rhetorically. Though at this point, _either_ answer was pretty valid. Or maybe it was the concussion.

"Hmm, suppose you're right. Sorry about that. Let me buy your drink for you as an apology." How nice. It did save me a few credits, at least.

"So, you know my name already, but let's greet formally. Koei. Koei Tech. Professional Hobo and Sociopath with a Spellblade."

Somewhere I felt a disturbance. I think Neptune was laughing for whatever reason. Clearly I needed this drink for the sake of my sanity.

"Well, I'm Nisa. Heroine of Justice!" She greeted happily with a mock salute, before extending her hand out for a shake. "Always nice to see a fellow adventurer fighting for justice."

"Eh, I don't do it out of pride or justice or whatever." I admitted. "It's just a way to get paid and make friends. I mean, _somehow_ I've managed to get a Planeptune Staff ID a week in, so now I crash with the CPU of Planeptune."

"Heh. Not too many people can claim to be buds with Neptune." Nisa remarked as she received her own drink, a large green… _thing_ in one of those fancy cocktail glasses, you know the ones with fruits jammed at the top? Kinda shaped like a lamp? Yeah, _that_ one.

It looked nice enough anyway. Meanwhile I had a standard old Beer. Hey, if it ain't broke…

"Yeah, should probably keep _that_ fact low-key. I've already made a few enemies just by existing, so I can't imagine what hell I'd go through if I accidentally told everyone that I've somehow befriended all the CPUs… Goddammit." The words slipped right out of my mouth.

"Something tells me that fact will slip out eventually." Jill remarked, cleaning yet another glass. It's like an obsession at this point. "You can't just be popping around all four Nations, doing good deeds and making friends with important people without arousing _some_ suspicion." Sad truth of life, really.

"Well, aside from that, world peace should be resolved soon." I rolled my eyes. "Can't really call this a _war_ when it's more a global disagreement."

"You think _that's_ weird? I thought alongside Neptune and the others to defeat the Deity of Sin and ASIC before I got sucked into a world of demons and angels. So I end up finding a portal back to Gamindustri, see Neptune for the first time in what felt like _years_, give her a hug… And she looked at me like I was a complete stranger. Really hurt, that did."

"And that's why you're here, drinking?" I reason rather reasonably She simply gave a curt nod before taking a sip of her drink. "Well, that's a complete shitter. But with all this dimensional fuckery I've been hearing about, you could just be in a version of this dimension where you didn't exist."

Nisa's eyebrow rose for a moment, before coming back down. "Not even the craziest thing I've heard this week. Did you hear the one about the guy who took a superheated lobster claw to the face?"

"I **am** that guy." I pointed to my still bandaged head. "Kind of worrying that people already know about that."

"Wouldn't worry about it." Nisa patted me on the back. "Any and all rumors are anonymous anyway, and most people just dismiss them are hearsay. I was going to dismiss it too, but it seemed to hold a little more weight."

"I could see that. It smacked White Heart pretty hard when it jumped into her. Oh, you mean a _different_ kind of weight?" I joked, finally getting into my element with some alcohol down my throat.

"It felt _more like reality_, surprisingly. I dunno, when you hear so many reports of robots in as short of time as I have, you start to think there's something connecting them."

"Love-stricken robot dude named Anonydeath who wants Noire to himself." I stated factually. Screw _that_ guy in particular, he's tried to kill me twice in two days.

"Love makes people do crazy things?" Nisa shugged."In my time I've seen one guy make a universe spanning army for it, and another take them down for the same reason. This is why I work with justice, not love."

"Make that two of us, sister." I chinked my glass with hers. "Though I must admit despite that, I think I've already fallen for someone."

Jill raised an eyebrow. "You don't mean that IF girl you were with earlier?"

I nodded. "It's kinda weird how quickly it escalated though. One day we were calling each other arsonist and stalker in a sorta joking way, the next we were kinda just running into each other and having fun just chatting… One thing leads to another and I find myself having a crush on her. Is that weird?"

"Love works the way it does, I guess." Jill had at this point, stopped cleaning and started leaning on the countertop. "Seems like you two just _like_ each other, you know? You simply enjoy having the other around. That could blossom into love, or you two could remain friends. Just… Try not to leave them on a sour note. Chances are that'll be the last thing you say."

"You sound like you speak from experience, Jill." I noted, the room growing notably heavier. I think I regret bringing this up now.

"Oh it's… Nothing." she didn't want to make eye contact anymore. "You just learn things as a bartender. Nothing more."

Specific denial aside, I think this drink was enough alcohol until I got back to the Basilicom. "Well, lovely to meet you Nisa and it was great to see you too Jill. I'll be on my way."

"See ya!" Went the pair, as I stumbled out of the bar with all the grace of a slightly shit-faced 20 something who clearly thought their tolerance was higher than it was.

**(End Song)**

* * *

Making my way back to the Basilicom, a new pair of guards well, _guarded_ the way in, but a quick flash of my Staff ID was all I needed for them to grant me access, thank _fuck_. Sure I still had plenty of Credits, but that doesn't mean I want to be wasting them willy-nilly on anything but the most vital expenses.

Heading up the elevator, I checked my watch. 9PM? Time really does fly when you're having fun.

"Nep Jr.~ I need your superior gaming skills again!~" Neptune called out as I exited the elevator, slightly queasy from the speed it travelled. Certainly will have to watch my limit next time.

Walking out, the adorably pouty Neptune greeted me, looking for her sister so she could cheese something or other. "Hey Nutjob, how was your day?"

"Awful. Histy got Pissty and made me do _work_, then this stupid game started cheating and I can't find Nep Jr. ANYWHERE!" I can't believe I have to live with this girl.

"And as for YOUR snarky inner monologue, well I have no time for it! Go drink your Krappy Kombos or whatever, I have a sister to find!" Neptune stomped off, uncharacteristically angry from some reason.

Ducking into what I presumed was Neptune's room, I noticed the source of her anger. Obviously she had a game console (Surrounded by empty pudding cups, of course.) with that same dopey beanbag Dogoo chair and two controllers plugged into a game system I had never seen before. Okay so why does Neptune play her _own_ console? Isn't that counterintuitive…

Oh whatever, I approached the console and picked up the controller. It reminded of a controller I saw myself once, but it was different. A large purple N was the main selling point on it, but it also had a D-Pad, four face buttons and two central buttons that I presumed were Start and Select, topping off with two shoulder buttons.

This wasn't the controller I was thinking of, but I was more familiar with the general concept of it, as it was the basis for more modern controllers at least.

The game itself looked to be a 2D RPG. Not a top-down view as you might expect, but a _side scrolling RPG._ To be fair, it also looked really pretty considering what controller I was using. Looked more like a living painting than a game. The actual gameplay seemed to be more action oriented than your typical RPG, which used a timer based attack system rather than turn based.

The oddest thing about this game was that it had _Neptune_ in it herself. I know that she's the CU of Planeptune and it's her console and all, but this is _way_ too literal. I checked the play time and Neptune was only what, an hour into this game? She seemed to be in a volcano area and was near a big Dogoo, but with the WTF factor turned to 11, with the evil, sharp grin it had. It was also very orange, so I assumed that a large orange thing in a volcano meant it was made out of lava.

Of course, I checked her inventory and skills too. Surprisingly few items but the real kicker was that she had an _ice skill. _Glacis Edge was a little on the nose.

Still, equipping that, I tackled the enemy head on. I won't bore you with the details, but after my first attack, my gauge refilled due to me using a "Weak" attack on it. I assume that mean that it was weak to the I just end up mashing attack until I won. I didn't understand whatever the hell I got or the plot significance of that monster, but hey I did better than Neptune on a video game.

Getting up from my throne, I saw Neptune, with a new tub of pudding with her sister and I nearly fell over in shock. Or maybe that was the concussion. Or the drink.

"Pretty swish playing, Protag! What was your secret?" Neptune seemed impressed at my basic understanding of type advantage. Which was weird because in the series I played most when I was younger, Ice did _less_ damage than fire. I mean that makes logical sense, ice just straight up melts.

Whatever, video game logic. I shanked a fucking robot lobster with a glorified cattle prod and was cured of my convulsing by a magic yellow pill, I have _no_ high ground here.

Oh right, Neptune. "Uh yeah, just use elemental weaknesses and that should do you good?" I shrugged. Honestly at this point I was pretty wasted, so any amount of strategy that could be gleamed was pure dumb luck. My favourite kind.

"Well, I guess I should have sorted that out beforehand. Thanks Protag!" Neptune waved off before sitting down and looking at her haul.

To be honest, I don't think that hellish abomination was even plot-relevant.

Heading over to bed, I checked my UI gloves for any interesting news (Not really), and promptly tucked myself in. I just felt _exhausted_ after today, honestly.

I was out like my light. Someone turned it off anyway. I wanted to say thanks, but they just shut the door and left me be. I think it was Nepgear. I really should thank her.

What a day. After all that I think I'll take tomorrow off.

* * *

**A/N:** You and me both, Koei. You and me fucking both. And yes, I did just technically make this a Neptunia/VA-11-HALL-A/Disgaea crossover. Will Nisa and Jill make future appearances?

Maybe. I don't think I got her character down right and she kinda just turned into "IF but from an alternate dimension." Jill less so, but that's because Jill is Jill and Jill is probably partially where I got my writing style for Koei from.

Don't look at me like that. VA-11-HALL-A is _fucking amazing_ and I wish I could write a _tenth_ as well as that game is written.

But yes, wew. Pretty beefy chapter. I was going to end it after IF was escorted home, but then I realized that it was kinda way too short for how long you've been waiting. Praise the flat saviour Nisa, master of madding chapters!

(All you did was write drinking scenes! -Neptune)

They're harrrrd.

(Then write actual plot things. - Neptune)

But those are harrrrrrd.

(Why can't I win with you. - Neptune)

Hey I put you in this chapter at least.

(Ugh, _fine._ You win. See you next update. - Neptune)

With my pace, it'll be out in 2020! See you then!


	13. Koei, Kebabs and Kinship

**A/N:** …

…

…

(Uh, hello? - Neptune)

…

…

…

(Where is that lazy bum of an author? - Neptune)

…

…

…

(Huh, a note? - Neptune)

…

(I… I see. Time to set up an emergency broadcast of…)

**Nepstation!**

(Nepstation theme)

Ah, that's better. Hello there dear readers, it is I, Neptune! The author couldn't be here to do his usual A/N, for… Well he left a note, but I think it's best just to cite it as "Personal Issues" and move on. This chapter is padded enough already, heh.

…

Kinda just feels wrong to snark without him. A-Anyway, I'll be doing the mailbag for today! Special episode, woohoo!

**EnderSoul1401: **Jeez, the less I think about Sadie, the better. I'm glad that Anonydeath is the only character involved so far. So many whippings…

As for VA11-HALL-A, that is not in my own personal wheelhouse, but I hear that it was in fact one of the tonal inspirations for this fic. At least for Koei. (Also I think the lazy bum's been playing it between chapters again.)

And hey, always Nisa to see Nisa again, haha. Though I feel a Yandere Compa would be almost as bad as Sadie, _shudder._ Don't put ideas like that into his head, please!

**Xbox432: **My fourth wall powers sense that there were implications in the manga, as well as maybe one or two other tidbits in other media, but nothing concrete. Then again, this fic had Koei x IF from basically nothing either, so I don't think I have any room to speak on that!

Personally I think Compa's too innocent to have her poor heart broken by relationships. Where would I get my pudding then? (Though being on the wrong side of her needle is still a big ouchie.)

**Blaze2121: **Something tells me that drinking is going to be a recurring theme in this story. I blame the author. Still, it would make for some fun side chapters between the action once we all get along. It's weird not being able to call Noire a loner. It's been 12 chapters and not even one reference to it! It's eating away at me~

But I do kinda ship KoeIffy. Maybe it's their mutual dislike of my antics. Speaking of antics, that's all from me today. Author better cut me a check for this, I don't work overtime for free...

(Nepstation cuts out)

* * *

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Pain. So much pain. Stupid alcoholism. Ugh.

I'm scarcely able to open my eyes as the daylight assaults me. Jesus fuck, what did I do last night?

Ah right, right. Drinking. Of course. I dragged myself out of bed, before my face greeted the floor with a satisfying thunk.

Ow. Fuck. At least my head isn't the only thing that hurts anymore. Where the hell are my pants?

There they are. Eventually, I managed to make it outside my sleeping quarters without collapsing and arrived at the birthplace of the Koei Kombo, the kitchen. Thankfully there was tea (sadly not Rose Tinted, but there's only so much you can do.)

Still, it was satisfactory for waking me up to the world around me. Praise caffeine I guess. A few minutes of peaceful solitude later, Nepgear arrived, looking tired but none the worse for wear otherwise.

"Morning NepG. You look like you had a late night." I state simply, as Nepgear herself went straight for a coffee, surprisingly.

"G'mornin'. Neptune was up half the night on that RPG of hers. My sister is also not a very _quiet_ gamer, sadly." Nepgear yawned before sitting across from me. If her less chirpy demeanor wasn't already a tipoff that she didn't get enough shut-eye, the small bags forming under her eyes was going to make that fact even more obvious.

"Are you going to be alright?" I ask, some form of concern in my voice.

Nepgear nodded. "I'll live. Coffee certainly helps. She's usually not too bad, but it seems that her new RPG has… Issues."

I wanted to ask further, but as I distinctly recall Neptune being _in_ that game, maybe it'd be best to not question the game too hard. Could open some form of weird existential crisis if I did.

Thankfully the flying book slu- Histoire arrived to interrupt my pondering on the meaning of playing with yourself. AS YOURSELF. Goddammit.

"Ah, Histoire. Good morning to you too." I greeted casually to the oracle, who seemed to be quite flustered.

"Good morning Koei, I need to speak with you for a moment." She started. Aw shit, it's too early for this.

"Arlight, but hell if I'm going into that void again. Tell it to me here while I drink tea." I made my stand, because that void is freaky.

"A-alright. I suppose this is relevant to CPU Candidate Nepgear as well. So… Remember how I asked you to bring peace to Gamindustri? You have done an excellent job so far, as the Leanbox and Lastation Oracles have relayed to me, they are ready for peace talks, but…"

That left Lowee. I forgot to ask Blanc about peace. "I uh… Shit."

"Yes, it seems that when I asked the Lowee Oracle, she could not provide a definitive answer on her CPU's stance on the War. I presume you had other things on your mind at the time?"

Uhhhh. "Yes. Like recovering from a convulsion caused by my own stupidity. That's totally it." I shifted my eyes away from Histoire momentarily.

"I see. I suppose it would be too much to ask you to go back to Lowee for the moment, as White Heart may find something suspicious about you returning too soon. We'll have to figure something else ouABABBABBABBABABABABABBABABAB-"

HistyDotExe has stopped responding, apparently. Well, time to troubleshoot her by bopping her on the head. Doing just that, a phone call started.

Yes, Histoire is a phone. A phonebook if you will.

"H-Hello?" A motherly voice came from the other end, calming and warm. It wasn't recognizable by any means, but it seems that Histoire was kind of out of it.

"Uh, hello. This is Koei Tech and you're calling Histoire?"

"Oh good. I got the right number." The voice sighed in relief. "I'll make this brief. I'm the Oracle of Lowee, Mina Nishizawa. My CPU, White Heart has gone to Leanbox for _some reason._ She was muttering something about "Thunder Tits" yesterday and I fear the worst for CPU Green Heart."

Oh this wasn't going to end well. "I guess I can head to Leanbox and try to stop them from fucking… Each other up." I clarified quickly, because my mind is disgusting and that's the second stupid innuendo I've made so much frigging time.

"Excellent. I leave the fate of Leanbox in your hands, Koei." Mina then cut off the call, leaving the room in silence and Histoire pretty dazed. So much for having a day off, I had to stop a world war from breaking out.

Nepgear for her part, was fiddling nervously to herself, not sure on what she should do. I wanted to bring her along, just in case things went down and I had to fight a CPU, but it might be seen as bringing excessive force to a conflict. There's also Neptune to look after, I guess.

"Well NepG, I'll see you later." I started to walk out of the door. "I'll give you a call when I've stopped the apocalypse from happening, you have my number, right?"

Nepgear nodded, I shot a thumbs up and left for Leanbox.

* * *

While the trip to Lastation then Leanbox was uneventful, there was the niggling feeling of "I have fucked up massively" flowing through my head as the train trundled through the tunnel. Wanting to get my mind off of things, I opened up the UI Gloves (And much to my stomach's chagrin, could _not_ open the inventory) and looked at the local news headlines:

* * *

**Console War or Console Bore?**

_Every Gamindustri citizen knows of the proverbial Console War, where CPUs compete for Shares and the like. However, this naming scheme doesn't really __**reflect **__the level of conflict present in our everyday lives._

_Now I'm not asking for citizens to take up arms and go on a crusade for their patron CPU (However fun that would be.), but we really should stop using a term like "War" to describe what is effectively a petty squabble._

_I blame the press industry, always overblowing situations in order to get views and sales. Damn clickbaiters._

_I've covered wars you know._

Frank East

**(Editor's Note: The views, opinions and thoughts of Frank East do not represent those of the Gamindustri News Network, nor any of its affiliates such as Nepstation. We simply yearn for true journalistic equality, however bad it is.)**

* * *

That was rather savage of the editor. Still, at least they were upfront about how much of a hack Frank East is. But I feel like this is already getting too political, and I'm about to dive in head first into stopping two goddesses from starting a new, actual Console War.

Agh, fuck. Next article, please be fluffy…

* * *

**5pb. performing again, but this time for peace!**

_5pb. the world-famous idol singer hailing from Leanbox has announced that her next concert won't just be for Leanbox, but for all nations!_

_In a call for peace between the nations inspired by what is rumoured to be a traumatic kidnapping by an unknown assailant, 5pb. will be making her first world tour, starting with Planeptune and ending in her home nation of Leanbox._

_Results of this announcement on social media has been extremely positive, with fans of seemingly any CPU being happy with this result, as 5pb. has not been seen outside of Leanbox since she started blowing up in Leanbox._

_Unfortunately she has been declining any opportunity for an interview, but we will keep you posted if anything changes._

Aya Shameimaru

* * *

Sweet, even if I have to pay for it, I've really grown to like her music recently. Probably because I have bad taste in music. Still, it was something to look forward to after the events in Leanbox, assuming it doesn't go to shit.

Leanbox was as pretty as ever, Homely, Western-inspired, etc. All very well and good, but that's not really important, as there was a potential war to stop. One caused by me of all people, which would not reflect well in the future.

I mean I never really cared about my reputation, but "causing world war" would attract the wrong kind of people, I feel.

Still, I probably had _some_ time, right? I could probably go grab something to eat. Only so much pizza one can take, despite it's **orgasmic quality.**

I really should stop referring to things as "orgasmic."

Oh well, should probably just check up on my profile. Haven't done that in a while. Let's see… User… Profile… Koei Tech… Aha!

* * *

**Koei Tech's Profile**

**Level: **15

**Occupation: **Adventurer/Professional Hobo

**Skills**: Elemental Mastery (Fire/Thunder/Ice) Level 3. (Can use up to Blast variations.), Wind Mastery Level 1 (Can use only Airbolt.), Inferno Shot (Combos with Demon Flame.), Elemental Enchantment (Flameblade/Thunderblade/Frostblade)

**EXE Drive: **? (Insufficient data.)

**Traits: **Attuned (Spells cost less SP.), Protagonist Aura (?), Ice Person (Ice spells deal more damage.), Strong Liver (Alcohol restores SP.), Introverted (Having more party members decreases your stats.), Jerkass (You're just a prick. No effect in battle.)

* * *

Hmm, interesting. Didn't even know I had access to wind spells. But it makes sense, four core elements and all. Just missing Earth magic, but that's overplayed anyway. Not that I'd be making use of wind magic either, as what am I supposed to do with that, perv on girls by sending gusts?

I mean, IF wears shorts and I wouldn't _dare_ pull that on anyone else. She might be my gi- _friend_, but she's not going to take that lying down and would _more than likely_ turn me into kebab meat.

But uuh, yeah. Wind magic. It's neat. But speaking of kebabs has made me hungry. I know that they're of a Middle Easten origin, but my home was well known for _ahem_ borrowing ideas from other cultures.

Also this is Leanbox, the nation of borrowing from Western culture, why _wouldn't_ there be a kebab place? I don't know why I'm suddenly into having lamb meat slapped into pitta bread, maybe I'm just yearning for home.

Or it could be this fucking hangover. Hangovers always make me yearn for the fastest, dirtiest way of shovelling food down my throat.

You know I'm rambling when there's food to be consumed. This has to be rectified.

* * *

That was nice. What was I doing here again?

Right, right. Stopping the annihilation of all Gamindustri. Guess going to the Basilicom would be a good idea and I think I can retrace my steps to the station from here...

Nope, shit. I'm lost.I guess I never really _wandered around_ yes, as I either had a specific goal in mind or wasn't in the slap bang middle of it. Sure, the world is technically at stake here, but I'm sure that as reasonable adults, Blanc and Vert can sort out their differences _diplomatically._

Well Vert probably could. Whatever, not meddling in global politics today.

The streets were fairly packed with both Leanbox natives and people of other Nations walking along, chatting amicably. Seems that I ended up in a shopping district. You know the ones, two rows of shops on each end of a wide pedestrian area, perfect for window shopping with some trees and benches around just to give the place a little more life. I honestly kind of regret not bringing Nepgear, because this would have been a great time to talk.

I sat down on a nearby bench and contemplated. For the first time in a while, I truly had some time for myself. Despite the crowds of people, it felt tranquil. Regardless of everything though, there was one question that I never figured to ask myself during the week or so I've spent here.

_Am I happy?_

Sure, I've lost everything. I never got to say goodbye to my family. Any friends I did have would surely miss me for a while at least. But…

Well, I guess I'm a hero now? I have this sword, some credits in my pocket and some healing items. I've even gone on a few quests, no matter how fake they or trivial they were, they still got me experience. That and despite everything, I've somehow befriended the actual fucking goddesses of this world and even kind of sort of have a girlfriend.

Huh. Guess that _was_ a stupid question to ask. I wonder if some tea would help with things. Getting up, I looked around for a place that sold tea, or looked tea related. Spotting one nearby I of course, walked in.

It was as you expected. Round tables with wooden chairs with leather covers on the seat for comfort. There were a few people in, idly chatting amongst themselves, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Eavesdropping is rude, anyway. Walking up to the counter, I simply ordered the most vanilla tea they had (They had actual vanilla tea, but I just wanted some damn tea without gimmicks.) and headed to an empty looking table when I spotted… Wait…

"Blanc?" I say just quietly enough to not alert literally everyone in the cafe. Blanc herself seemed rather unsurprised. Then again, this _was_ her default expression. Sitting down across from her, tray in hand, I stared into the CPU's eyes. "It's funny. I was just thinking about… Well not you in _particular_, but… My friends, yes." Nearly let the C word drop.

"Oh, Koei. I would have said I didn't expect to see you here, but considering what you said yesterday, I'm honestly not surprised you're here."

A fair assessment. "Speaking _of_ that…"

Blanc's gaze hardened "I tried going to the Basilicom, but they told me that Green Heart was out. I was almost tempted to activate HDD to prove I was the real deal if they were lying to keep me out, but I didn't want to cause a ruckus."

Looking around, nobody batted an eyelid, too involved in their own conversations. "Well, long as we're talking politics, what's your stance on the Console War?"

"Stupid, drawn out and only exists to keep news outlet rumor mills going with "THE NEXT BIG THING THAT WILL LET X CONQUER THE CONSOLE WARS!" It's honestly surprising it has gone on for this long, but that might have been fear due to looking weak due to pulling out first. I know that's why I continued this farce."

Huh. "I suppose that makes sense. I doubted this whole competing for shares thing was worthy of a war from when I first heard, but now that I've heard it from a CPUs mouth… Well, validation is nice."

Blanc smiled. "I hope you're not just agreeing because of what happened last time we disagreed on something like that. Though from what I heard that _is_ the general consensus, but I don't get to hear much chatter from citizens, at least not while in HDD."

"Ah it's alright. Still though, did you really come here just for what I said?"

Blanc's smile faded and a small blush started to form. "I-it's just weird to hear something like "CPU Green Heart thinks you're cute!"" Blanc turned her head away, not looking at me directly. "We're _supposed_ to be enemies, but if she's being so _open_ with such things, I might as well give her the same benefit of the doubt."

Hmm. "So, have you seen her human form? Do you have any thoughts on it?"

"Not really. The only person I could even think of matching her… Assets is a cosplayer I saw not long after the Console Wars started. I was at a convention, showing off my new novel and trying to get people to buy it. It failed miserably, but I digress. This tall, blonde woman dressed in a fantasy outfit came to my booth with a copy of my novel in hand. She said she loved it. I was so excited at the prospect of someone _liking my book _that I… Well, I use an alias for writing, but I signed the book as Blanc, CPU of Lowee. I'm surprised she took it after that, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she seemed to have a bigger smile. She called me a "cutie of a writer" before she left, though. That's the only person who I can think of who both likes my book and would know of my true identity outside of Mina."

"That does explain why she knows your human form. So I assume you haven't seen Black Heart or Purple Heart in their human forms either?" God, calling them by their goddess name was annoying, but she genuinely didn't know who these people really were.

"We've clashed a lot, but I've never seen them outside of their CPU forms. Hell, even during the formal declaration of the war we all decided to meet up in gowns in our CPU forms just to confirm that we were in fact doing that. In retrospect that was frigging stupid, but I think I still own mine. That and at the time it was kind of a big deal, so I guess I can forgive myself a bit."

"I suppose." I replied, finishing off the cup of tea and placing the cup on the tray. "I'd ask to come with, but this is a matter of Lowee and Leanbox, not something for me to get involved with." That and I needed to test whether events really could happen without me around. One of those traits was called Protagonist Aura, dammit.

"Oh? Thank you." Blanc simply replied, taking the ceramic pot and refilling her own cup. "I feel that Green Heart won't be back for a bit anyway, so this is very generous of you."

I waved her off. "Ah no worries, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Mina seemed quite worried when she called Histoire."

Blanc nodded. "Mina has always had a bit of a worry spot for me. I shouldn't put so much stress on her, especially now with the twins." Blanc took a sip then stayed silent, contemplating as I took this chance to leave. A little unfair perhaps, but this matter is not mine to resolve.

That and if shit went down I really did not want to be in the middle of it. Can you blame me for having _some_ sense of self-preservation? That and as far as I was concerned, my job here was done. Long as Blanc isn't trying to murder people, Leanbox should be fine.

* * *

Ahh, the smell of victory. Well, it's just fresh air, but knowing that the world might see the CPUs unite… It filled me with hope. Strange feeling, considering that just yesterday I was fighting for my life alongside a goddess and a girl who I can call a friend against a giant mechanical lobster and now I'm simply wandering around a city, taking in the sights and sounds.

Everything leading up to this has been worth it, just so I can finally explore a little bit. I had a comfortable amount of credits, a place to crash and not in immediate danger. I haven't felt like this since first leaving Toadstool Town, actually.

Heh, that feels like so long ago. When my immediate problem was just getting to the Basilicom. Here I just had a casual conversation with a _frigging goddess like nothing was amiss._ This world is weird but… I'm sorta liking it?

I dunno, there's just something charming about this pseudo-fantasy setting with modern conveniences with goddesses who can transform into spandex-clad powerhouses, who still live (almost) like normal people with their own wants and desires.

Honestly, if there was a video game or anime series where you played as these back home, I would have been way into that shit. Maybe not from the perspective of me, though.

Ah, the sound of shattering glass. Wait, what?

"HELP, THIEF!" cried a random NPC, like this was some sort of 1930s-era bullshit where women can't just grab a bat and beat the utter shit out of someone robbing them and would have to rely on A MAN to.

Then again, I'm in a world where the only competent males are from other dimensions, I have _no_ room to talk. Pulling Serenity from my inventory, I went to the source of the distress.

It was as you expected, one of the many stores in the district, but with a smashed front window and a distressed owner. Looked to be a local pastry shop called "Arbiter's Poundcakes" with the slogan "Where the Master Chef finishes the Pie(ght)!"

You know with names as forced as these it makes me wonder if I'm missing a joke or something. Still though, I had a shopkeep to console.

"Excuse me miss, but I'd like to ask what happened?" I attempt to be as kind as possible, given her current state. It would be difficult due to the large sword in my hand, but what's impulse to do?

"S-some fiend broke in and took my poundcakes! She took 40 cakes!"

And that's terrible. "Where exactly did she go?"

"I-I think she headed down the street, but she went too fast for me to notice her afterwarrrrds!" The woman broke down in tears, but I had an inkling of who might have done this.

It'd better not be.

Rushing down the street, dodging hapless civilians wondering what the hell was going on, I looked around for any fallen cakes that could lead me on a pattern. Yes, I was in fact, that desperate for a way to sort this out. I mean, if you steal 40 pound cakes, you're probably using some form of trolley. And if you need to get out in a hurry…

Aha! A pound cake! The bread-like dessert was being munched on by the local bird populace, but it was still usable as a guide. Still rushing down the street, there were a few people looking at the wasted pastries with confusion, wondering what the hell caused this (and why I was following them.) but there were more important things to do.

It took a few minutes and a few more poundcakes, but I eventually spotted my target. No guesses as to who would stoop to petty theft, it was in fact, _Linda._ Of course, her dragging a trolley filled with cake was slowing her down significantly, so that would explain quite a bit on how I was catching up.

Aiming Serenity right at the trolley, I silently prayed that this would go as planned. "You'd better stop right there, criminal scum! **FROSTBALL!**"

As expected, a ball of ice shot out of my blade and hit… the leg of the trolley, freezing on it but not slowing it down as I had hoped. So I shot a few more Frostballs, each one missing spectacularly. At least I wasn't using Frostblasts for this, those may have been overkill along with the recoil slowing me down.

Linda for her part either didn't notice or didn't want to acknowledge my presence, so I had to keep up the assault of Frostballs. You'd be surprised how inaccurate your shots are when you're both moving at the same time.

About a dozen or shots later, I finally nailed the right wheel of the trolley and caused it to slow down the wheel losing momentum from the ice suddenly appearing on it. It was more akin to it hitting a bump that it was stopping, but it gave the weighed down trolley enough of a boost to tip over suddenly, taking Linda and the poundcakes with it.

I'm sure poundcakes weren't that heavy, but gravity is a cruel mistress, as is momentum. I think it was scientifically accurate at least. I wouldn't know, I flunked Physics some point after learning of the 3 Laws of Motion.

Right, the culprit. Linda for her part didn't seem too hurt by her sudden trip, but I wasn't really bothered about her physical state, because frankly this was just taking the piss after a string of kidnappings.

I carefully placed my foot on her chest to keep her down as I finally spoke. "This shit again, Linda? I know you're a petty thug but this is low, even for you.*

She did not take kindly to my remark, if the pipe to the leg was any indication. Right, her bootleg UI Gloves. Now the tables had been turned, as Linda forcefully put _her_ boot on _my_ chest. Honestly it felt more like a clamp than anything. Also **ow.**

"God, I can't even get some pastries without you breathing down my neck." Linda stated, clearly sick of my shit. Feeling's mutual.

"Less breathing down your neck, more that you made a giant ruckus and stole forty poundcakes. Forty! That's as many as four tens!"

"And that's terrible." Linda muttered, raising her pipe to the sky in a dramatic fashion. "But not as terrible as this will be!"

Metal clashed against metal as I raised Serenity to block the incoming attack. "You're as dense as that pipe and only half as good looking." I pushed off the pipe forcefully, causing Linda to fall back enough for me to face her standing up. "So let's do pipes all over the world a favour and fix _your_ plumbing!"

Linda facepalmed. "You know, that made my breaking kneecaps joke seem like high art. Do you even _think_ before you say things?"

"Nope!" I took advantage of her facepalm and smacked her across the face with Serenity's blade, careful to minimise the use of the edge as to not slice her face. I wanted her incapacitated, not _dead._ (Unlike her I don't look like a pipe.)

Linda for her part decided to take a cue from golf and go for a swing. Ducking underneath as she prepared a second strike, I decided to use the spell portion of my _spell_blade for a moment. "Time to blow you away! **AIRBOLT!**" Before my eyes, a blast of wind shot right at Linda's stomach, knocking her back further and causing her to drop her pipe. Now was my chance. I ran towards her, sheathing Serenity in my inventory, before pulling back my arm and aiming a right hook right at her face.

Now I was no boxer, so I never truly learned how to throw a decent punch, but the force did at least knock Linda over. Now the problem was Newton's Third Law of motion; _Every action has an equal and opposite reaction__._ Needless to say with the force of that punch combined with my lack of proper training, that force came back to immense pain. Ow. Ow. Ow. I'm pretty sure if I didn't have at least some Strength built up from levelling and generally sword fighting that _would_ have broken my hand.

Taking a moment for the pain to ease, I looked down at Linda. It seemed that my punch worked, as she was in fact, down for the count.

Phew, that was rough for a moment. Never really got into street fights before, so it was a good thing I had Serenity by my side.

Ahhh, I'm such a scrub. Relying on magic in a street fight. Still no worse than those fighting games where you throw fireballs out of your hands and levitate off the ground while breathing fire and stretching your limbs, right? I forget the name…

"Ah, Koei. It seems you have _ahem_ captured our cake culprit." Came a _somewhat_ familiar yet different voice. The figure floated down and-

**Oh god that's indecent. Put it away, woman!** On further inspection, this girl did have clothes. Very few, but enough to cover her more… Delicate parts to say the least. This outfit was a borderline swimsuit, with only the arms and lower legs being fully covered, leaving not much imagination needed for what this figure's figure looked like. Not that it took a _lot_ in the first place but…

Right, the face. Amethyst eyes greeted me with that intimidating grace of someone who I recall having the same aura, just intensified. Her hair was a magnificent green, not too dark and not to light, but flowing most of the way down her body in a messy ponytail. It had some flow at least.

Wait a second… Green hair… No modesty… that intimidating yet inviting aura…

"Pfft, told you he wouldn't recognize you on first glance." White Heart snarked as she floated down next to… Well, _Green Heart._ "Seems that the intervention of CPUs was as overkill as I thought. A shame, I was hoping for a brawl."

I sighed in resignation. "As violent as ever, Blanc. And Vert, apologies for not recognizing your CPU form. Your modesty in that form is… Questionable at best."

Green Heart suppressed a giggle. "Well, we got word that the wanted kidnapper "Linda" was in the area, so we decided to come and apprehend her ourselves. It seems you already did that for us."

I sheepishly rubbed the back of my head. "I was just in the area. Uh, why is there a crowd surrounding us?"

In our brief exhcange, a group of people had gathered, probably gawking at the two "fighting" CPUs exchanging pleasentries instead of trying to murder each other.

You know what, I get why now.

"Ah, we were just about finished negotiating our little treaty between Nations when we heard the news, so I suppose now's as good a time as any, right White Heart?"

"Now or never. Citizens of Leanbox, Lady Green Heart and I, Lady White Heart of Lowee have come to an agreement that the hostilities of the Console War need to stop. So, we are signing a formal treaty that states that we will cease actively fighting for Shares."

"Agreed. These Wars have caused great strain on both of us, both in our work and in our personal lives. While we won't be working in an alliance per se, we will be ceasing hostilities towards each other. I hope that Planeptune and Lastation's CPUs can follow our example and that we can stop this arbitrary war once and for all."

The crowd seemed to take it well, considering the whooping, cheering and cries of "Flat **is **justice after all!" "Thank you Lady White Heart!" and even a few shouts of "I ship it!"

While this was happening, a group of Leanbox guards clothed in green escorted the unconscious Linda away as a less generic woman entered the fray, seamlessly navigating the crowd without disturbing a hair on any of them.

Her outfit seemed to be some combination of a maid outfit combined with practical knight amor. Rather shockingly, her main colours were black, white with accents of red rather than the typical Leanbox fare of green and white. The only thing green on her in fact where the emerald in her bow (Which was hard to spot due to her… _assets._) and her similarly shaded eyes, which bore into my soul while at the same time analysing everything around her. She seemed to be capable of dodging bullets from the look of her eyes. Also, like everyone in this world apparently, she had no pants. Why is it that everyone aside from IF in this world refuses to wear pants? Then again, she seemed to not care as she would probably suplex anyone taking more than a quick glance.

"Koei Tech. Please come with me." She stated in no simple terms. I of course, obliged, grabbing her hand as she- OH GOD OH FUCK OH GOD

Somehow we made it through the crowd without touching anyone, again. The woman, satisfied with her handiwork, decided to chat a bit more. "Apologies. I am Cave, member of Leanbox's Regal Regiment of Defense." Her tone reminded me of Purple Heart, that tout, all business, no-nonsense manner of speaking was quite commanding.

"Thanks. So uh, what did you just do?"

"Brought us out outside of the crowd so that I could tell you that Lady Green Heart would like you at the Basilicom as soon as you are able. That and I would like to thank you."

Eh? "Thank me? I haven't even done anything for you…"

"I took the day off when the 5pb. incident happened. I was assigned to be her bodyguard and failed in that respect. I heard from Green Heart that you helped find and rescue her without _much_ incident. Know that I will ensure that this "Linda" will serve her time, even if I can't guard her. Consider it my dues for my failure."

"I uh… Thank you but there's no need to repay me. I was trespassing and caused property damage. Honestly, just bringing me from that crowd was enough."

Cave's eyes glinted. "Oh, I am still taking Linda's case personally. I just thought that after the trouble she's caused you and to Leanbox's new "ally", that you'd be glad to see that play out."

Huh. "Yeah, when you put it like that, it would be satisfying." I mean, she _did_ kidnap both 5pb. and the CPU Candidates of Lowee. That's a pretty big charge, all things considered.

"Excellent. I'll be taking my leave. Thank you again, Koei." And with that, she disappeared into the crowds of people dispersing after the announcement. That girl's a borderline ninja.

Still, I had my marching orders. Onwards to the Basi-

_Vrrm, vrrm, vrrm._

I need to put these on silent. Answering the call, who else would it be but the discount ninja _and_ my drinking buddy.

"Hey, IF. Feeling rough?" I joked. I hadn't checked the time, but it must have easily been past noon by now.

"Ugh. Not as rough as you'll feel when I get my hands on you. Why did you let me drink a **Piledriver?**" IF did indeed sound rough, her voice was quieter and her voice sounded lower. Yup, typical hangover.

"Why did you order one? I wasn't going to share your drink with you, that's kissing by proxy, everyone knows that!" I half-joked. Really though, if I had shared that Piledriver, I probably wouldn't have made it back to the Basilicom. I can _still_ feel the echoes of that hangover from several hours ago, so that being amplified would not be good.

"I… May be a bit of a lightweight." IF blushed, whether from the excess alcohol in her body or actual embarrassment was up to interpretation. It was weird to see the usually stoic and serious girl admit a flaw of hers and even blush. She seemed like a completely different person to the one I met, yet I knew that they were one and the same.

"It's weird seeing this side of you. Not bad weird though, just seeing you blush shows that there's more to you than your no-nonsense side. Kind of like Neptune in a way." I mused, mostly to myself.

"Yeah, a lot of people write Neps off as an airhead, but she knows what she's doing when things get serious. That airhead of hers is on good shoulders, so it isn't the end of the world if she is just her usually dorky self. Don't tell her I said that, she'll get a bigger ego."

"Heh, duly noted. Still, you feeling alright?" I ask with some concern. She clearly rang me for some reason.

"More worried about you, since Gear said you left in a hurry this morning when I called. Thought I'd make sure you weren't concussed. Or worse yet, _drinking without me._"

"I'd never do that." I lied through my teeth, but I don't know which one I meant by that. "Still, Vert wants me at the Basilicom. You'll see why soon. Be seeing you, IFWeight." I terminated the call before she could yell at me for that terrible nickname. I preferred Stalker anyway.

Still, Neptune's words to me that night on the balcony…

_You're the protagonist, Koei. Everything will be alright once you embrace your destiny._

Guess that Protagonist Aura is working dividends after all.

* * *

**A/N:** Who the hell cut into my Author's Note?

(You're welcome! - Neptune)

Ah, of course. I'm reluctant to say this since you've been a pain in the last few ANs, but… Thanks.

(Well, figured I'd cut you a break after the note you left in the Author's Note. A note from the author in the Author's Note. How ironic. - Neptune.)

Huh, guess you can see it that way. Next time, POLITICS! YAY!

(Oh god. - Neptune)


	14. Preparations For Peace

**A/N: **Phew. This was a chunky one to bash out. Probably could have done with less filler, but filler is what makes these slower paced chapters more fun! Right? **RIGHT?**

Well regardless, I wanted to do one thing with this chapter and it's rather selfish: Publish it before I turned 23. As of writing (August 20th), that is _tomorrow_. On the absolute borderline here, I know. But I took the weekend off and I've been having _internet issues_ and I wrote a hent-

A-anyway, yeah. No real reason to bring it up other than to pad out the author's note!

That and I have nothing to _note_, really. I think my style has changed, but that might just be more focus on what's going on around Koei, rather than skipping to the interesting part.

Whatever, mailbag ti-

_Confetti flies out of the bag as a pink horse leaps out of it._

Make a wish it's your birthday! Make a wish because it's your birthday party!

DEMONIC PINK HORSE! FUCK! CALL DOOMGUY OR SOMETHING!

(Nothing wrong with a cameo! - Neptune)

Bah fine. People probably get the reference anyway. _Shoves cake down the pink horse's throat to keep her from talking._ Mailbag time!

**Blaze2121: **Hmm, maybe I should steal that. But yeah no THUNDERSTIRKE! Mostly because there's a fine line between a taser and a lethal electric shock. Koei knows this all too well.

**Xbox432**: This may or may not been hinted at long ago. The seeds of discord have finally sprouted! Ship **ALL** the waifus!

And yes, punching Linda in the face _was_ satisfying as hell. _That was for Uni, bitch! _

**EnderSoul1401: **Ah, don't worry about me. Funnily enough when I published the chapter that was about when my mood started getting better, due to those _personal issues_ being resolved. A weekend of alcohol later and I'm back in business!

As for the second Celestia chapter? Soon. I really wanted to do it this chapter, but it's already ~6k words, That and wanting to publish before I turned 23. I'll _try_ and be more consistent than a fortnight per chapter, but I can't guarantee anything below a week anymore. Not with this story slowly getting more and more reliant on me fact checking things to prevent plot holes. I'm sure in the next few chapters I can start a real conflict that'll drive me to write _harder_ like the good old days of…

Nearly 2 months ago. Man, has it been _that_ long? (Yes, people reading this in the future. I've published all this in the span of 2 months. Behold my no-lifeness and never strive to be me!)

Well, guess that'll do. Now excuse me, I have a pink party pony problem to prevent.

* * *

Ah shit. Here we go again. This was the prevailing thought in my mind as I stood in front of the Leanbox Basilicom. Vert wanted me for some reason. If it's something asinine I swear to fuck I'm commiting godslaying. Probably a weapon that could do that. A nice, big and purple _sword_. Gotta stick it all the way in the-

I'm stalling. The truth is that confronting two CPUs at once is a hell of a prospect. Sure, Purple Heart and Purple Sister happened, but that wasn't with prior notice and knowing who was ultimately behind their HDD forms. This was a whole other kettle of fish.

And those fish were piranhas feeding on my anxiety. Such terrifying, yet majestic creatures. I kind of wanted a few back before this whole mess, just for the novelty of it. Parents didn't approve for one. Surprisingly found a pet shop that sold them, but there were far tamer than I wanted. I wanted fuckers who could eat fingers, but they barely nibbled it. Alas, my plans of supervillainy were once again foiled by reality.

The guards stationed outside of the Basilicom are giving me a weird look now. Well, no time like the present. I slide past the guards with all the grace of well, _me_ as I try to find the room that my doom awaited in. The Basilicom is a big place and I didn't ask for directions, as I never think first. Thinking leads to trains of thought that go uninterrupted for several hours. The term "train" of thought is weird, right? Is the train pulling your thoughts? What happens when you go on another tangent? Hell, does the train stop for passengers or fuel? I wonder what happens when this train derails, do people die? That'd be pretty fucking metal.

"Uh, Koei? You've been stood here and making faces while muttering about trains for… 5 minutes? Are you alright?" Vert's voice took me out of my thoughts (Yes, I did imagine it crashing rather spectacularly. My trains are full of NUCLEAR WARHEADS AFTER ALL! AHAHHAHA! *Ahem.*)

Oh, Vert. "Hi. You uh, wanted me?" I attempted to at least look passable by my own very low standards. I failed, but I tried and that is enough for me.

"Well, I just wanted to invite you to an overnight stay here at the Basilicom. I know you can be very frugal, as your exploits the last time we met showed." Vert winked. _She knew._

"Aside from confirming my fears that "Professional Hobo" is a perfectly apt job description for me, why _would you_ want me back here, aside from your eternal politeness which is _much appreciated_, My Lady." I forget momentarily that I'm talking to my host as well as a physical goddess here. I have to have more tact than I usually do. Though I have 0 tact usually, so a "lot more" is simply "just a bit" for my asshole mind.

"Well, if you _insist_ on having a reason to stay, we are planning to finalize the treaty tomorrow. I was wondering if Black Heart and Purple Heart would be interested. I did see you talk to a black-haired woman on the evening that we first met, after all."

It's official, women in green are stalkers. Here I thought it was over because IF became my girlfr- _drinking buddy._ Gotta repress that feeling. This is healthy. "I happened to have Noire on my contacts list at the time due to… Injury related complications?"

"Sure Koei, you _dog_ you. Don't think I didn't see you take glances at my majestic CPU form either." She let out a polite giggle. "But yes, if you could be a dear and get in contact with the two CPUs for me? A small price to pay for a night in a Basilicom, is it not?"

Geez, talk about twisting my arm. "Sure. Speaking of CPUs, where's Blanc gone off to? You were together beforehand."

"Ah, she went back to Lowee to deal with "business." She will be back later however. I did invite her here too, for convenience's sake." Vert sipped on some tea that I didn't know she had with a gloved hand.

"Alright then. I assume I have the same room as last time? I'll be needing some _privacy_ for this." I gave a playful glare to the CPU, who didn't seem to mind my smidgen of anger. "With that, I will adjourn for now." I walked out of the room and towards the elevator that led to the sleeping quarters.

Seriously though, why are all the hotties stalkers?

* * *

The familiar smell of a freshly bleached bathroom greeted me as I entered one of the guest bedrooms of the Basilicom. It was the same as ever, with only the time of day indicating any real difference in appearance. Taking a look outside, it was a hell of a view. Land of Green Pastures indeed.

A western-inspired nation founded on stealing everything they could find from other cultures, all situated on a small island away from everyone else? I might as _well_ be at home here.

Still, I had business to attend to. Surely Noire would be on her lunch break or something. I have no idea what time it is, honestly. Today's just been so busy that I didn't think to check my wristwa- Oh it's 4:20.

Sudden urge to find some "green pasture" and smoke it aside, I called up Noire on video chat.

"Ah, Koei! You _really_ pick the worst times to call me, don't you?" Noire was _more_ dishevelled and flustered, with paperwork everywhere. Uni was running around, trying to gather as many sheets as possible, along with…

"Wait, what the hell is _Nepgear_ doing in Lastation?" I yell in surprise, causing both Candidates to drop their gathered papers. Oops.

"Well, you heard the news about Leanbox and Lowee's treaty, didn't you?" I nodded. I was _there,_ along with indirectly causing it. "Well, _somebody_ had the genius idea to break in to the Basilicom and make a similar treaty."

"Hey Noire! Ya got any pudding anywhere? What kind of dump is this if you can't even find pudding, for my sake?" Neptune's voice rang out from somewhere out of shot, as Noire slammed her head against her desk.

"I feel so sorry for you, Noire. But can you get Neptune here for something? It's on behalf of Ve- Green Heart." I try to progress the discussion along before Noire lost all of her sanity meter.

"Koei? You crazy harem-protagonist bastard you!" Neptune dropped into view, nearly crushing Noire's spine in the process. "You have Noire's number? I thought you were already seeing IF? Oh! Oh! Are you going to seal her hidden power with a kiss, like in that harem I watched once with the girl who looked totally like Noire?"

"WHAT?" Noire yelled in confusion. I have _vague_ memories of something along those lines, but the various concussions I've recieved make me forget the name. That main girl looked a hell of a lot like Noire, at least.

"Maybe you could cosplay as her at some point, Noire. You have very similar builds." Noire's face looked like it could ignite from embarrassment. Dunno why, but I pressed on. "Well, if you two are already so buddy buddy, you want to come down to Leanbox tomorrow to sign the finalized treaty and end this war?"

"I'm tempted to let this war rage on purely out of spite for the purple-haired _menace_ next to me, but for my Nation and my sister, I humbly accept your invite. I'll drag Neptune here along with me. The Planeptune Oracle said she needed to get outside anyway, at least according to Kei."

"Goodness, why don't we all go? Last time we were in Leanbox, I saw this super neat weapon store that sold guns. You like guns, right Uni? Maybe we can both go see it together!" Uni blushed and mumbled something noncommittally. At the very least the Candidates seemed to be getting along well. A nice relation**ship** so to speak.

"Subtle hinting, Koei." Neptune gave a surprisingly deadpan stare towards me. "I _know_ that UniGear is a popular ship and you're just trying to please the shippers, but this is too much. You have _2_ ships already, one of which is entirely original and involves two of the main characters. Sure, Nep Jr. and Uni are more than likely going to be side characters to help diversify the cast a bit, but you can't just ship them right out of the gate, things like this take time and effort and writing skill you clearly don't have! How are you going to justify…"

I let Neptune go on her tirade. I didn't understand what she was saying and I didn't **want** to. "So uh Noire? You're good for tomorrow?" Noire nodded, not wanting to be drowned out by Neptune's rant against the "writer", whoever he is. "Awesomesauce. Be seeing you Noire. Try not to kill Neptune tonight, will you?"

And with that I shut off the call. God help that poor girl. Breathing a sigh of relief that the migraine inducing Neptune was gone for the evening, I span around on my heel to face the door. "I know you're eavesdropping, Vert. Don't need to be so coy about it."

Silence for a moment, before the door opened to a blushing Vert. "I just wanted to ensure it went well…" Her usual polite demeanor was replaced by one that I'd see more from Blanc or Nepgear. I almost felt sorry for her.

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, alright. Don't give me those puppy dog eyes. I've had worse things done to me by a CPU. Now excuse me, I'm going to go get a drink…" I started to walk out of the door, but Vert didn't move an inch.

"Sorry Koei, but I need you to be sober tomorrow." Vert folded her arms underneath her chest, causing her assets to jiggle slightly. It's amazing how she can go from shy puppy to big dog in half a second.

"Woah, woah. Nobody gets in the way of my crippling addiction. Not even me." I square up, closing my glove-clad fists and starting to dance like a boxer, ready to fight Vert for the right to party.

… What the hell is wrong with me? Immediately stopping, I just looked at Vert for a moment. "I _may_ have a problem."

Vert shrugged. "After tomorrow, it's not really _my_ problem outside of you being my friend. Even then it's not that bad yet. At the very least you can focus on your job before drinking."

I shrug back. "I suppose my liver would thank me for one day off. I still need to go out for uhhh… A suit, yes. Can't be rocking tracksuit bottoms at a meeting that will determine the fate of the world as we know it, can we?" I gently shove past Vert and head towards the exit of the Basilicom.

"Well, you won't be _there_, as the meeting is CPU only, but the sentiment is appreciated." Vert clarified as I waved her off and headed into the late afternoon Leanbox.

* * *

"So does this suit have any sort of protection against _dragon_ attacks?"

I've been at this suit store for over an hour at this point, trying to find the perfect monkey suit for tomorrow. Even if I wasn't going to take part, I was going to be maliciously compliant with the dress code. Even if it drained my savings.

"Well, not necessarily sir, but it is fully compatible with your UI gloves, meaning that the neon light on it is fully adjustable to your liking! For instance if you need to conduct business in Lastation, you can simply swap it to "Cool Kei Blue" instead of "Warm Chika Green." Same for Planeptune and Lowee with "Wise Histoire Purple" and "Calm Mina White.""

"I see. Is this feature on more casual clothing?" I asked curiously. Sure it wouldn't solve my _lack_ of clothing options, but it'd be nice to have a rave party shirt. You never know when you'll need to blind people with a sweet rave party from your chest.

"The technology, much like the UI Gloves isn't really consumer level yet." The clerk admitted sheepishly, trying her best not to lose the sale. "Though on the plus side, if you buy this, you'll only need one suit for all occasions! Isn't that the economy friendly way?"

I wobble my hand in a so-so manner. "Well, I plan on wearing this once, maybe twice in my life. Can I make the neon switch rapidly?"

The clerk thoughtfully put a hand to her chin. "You know, you're the first client who has asked about that. I suppose if you switched colours fast enough you could theoretical-"

"Sold." I state simply. "How much wallet crushing do I need to do?"

The clerk looked surprised. "5000 Credits?"

Expensive, but cheaper than I thought it would be. "Sure, sure. Scan my hand or whatever." I hold out my hand for the clerk to scan at the checkout. It gave a beep and a green light before a message popped up:

* * *

**Item Acquired: Fancy Neon Suit**

_Look like a less boyish version of Kei. Comes in four colours that can be adjusted on the fly! Pants and boots included._

**Equip Now? *Y/N**

* * *

And thus, I was equipped with a new suit. Looking at my new garment, it was similar to Kei's outfit, although it packed a lot more neon into the design, specifically down the arms and legs. The torso area was more focused on the tie and buttons with a white undershirt than it was on fancy glowing technology. The boots were a neat touch too.

"Hey, thanks. Sorry about being pedantic about the questioning, it's just my first suit that I actually wanted to buy." I admitted, before the clerk gave me a thumbs up.

"It's no problem sir. Any sale is a good one for me. Good luck on your meeting! Try not to cause a world war!"

As I left, I realized that I _sorta kinda did confess to that entirely by accident. _Whoops. Oh well, I had a fancy green suit now. Or it could be blue! Or purple! Or white!

Ah, the possibilities are infinite. As long as infinity is less than four. I should check my balance while I'm out, actually…

* * *

**Koei's Balance: 5000 Credits**

* * *

Nice. Time to invest in some armor.

Well, armor is a bit of a stretch, as I just blew most of my budget on a new suit. Oh well, half the populace seem to crave panty shots, so it's not like clothing that also serves as armor would be a big market.

No, instead there's those fucking bracelets again. Granted I'm only at the General Store, but it's a skip and a jump away from the Basilicom and Leanbox was turning into an orange box. And I didn't have portals to help me out with this either.

Still, needed to pick one. Seems these things didn't stack either, so I could still have my wristwatch on my dominant hand with the bracelet protecting my less dominant one. I gunned for the one with the most "Vitality" over "Mentality", as most of my problems so far have been taking hits to the face. Perhaps if I was more of a far away supporter, I'd give myself more "Mentality", but that's already pretty high, I think. At least if I means what I think it means.

Still cost a good 4000 Credits, scamming bastards. This left a small reserve supply of cash in my inventory for at least the next day or two. Time to waste it on alcohol!

What, you really think I wasn't going to drink? Not tonight, oh no no. This is for _tomorrow._ Buying a water canteen (One of the ones you can easily hide inside a breast pocket, which my new suit had some of.) and filling it with the cheapest whisky Credits could buy, I was prepared for the hell that was the world of global politics.

I'd save the suit for tomorrow though. Swapping back to my usual duds (Now that I have two distinct "sets" of clothes, I can use the UI Gloves to swap between them, much akin to equipping and unequipping Serenity.), I headed back to the Basilicom, proud of my reckless spending.

I wonder if I should _shower_, too. Go the whole nine yards for this.

* * *

Well, I didn't see Vert on the way back to my quarters. A shock, considering my earlier assumption that green women are stalkers, but assuming makes an ass out of u and me. At least that's how I think it goes. Details.

The Basilicom had all en suite bedrooms, so my room did in fact, have a shower in it. Hooray for technology or something like that. Before I shower though, I should go find the nearest washing machine. These clothes sadly do not clean themselves after entering my inventory. That would make the UI Gloves a bit _too_ convenient, I guess.

Walking out of my room, a pile of used clothes in hand (I wasn't _naked_. Not only did I still have the suit in reserve, but I still had my Planeptunian clothes on from way earlier in the week. Or was that like… 3 days ago? Man, time is getting harder to track with how much is happening in each day.

Regardless, I eventually stumbled into a room full of washing machines. It was like a laundromat, but there was no fee. Just slap those fuckers in, take off my own clothes, slap those in and…

"JESUS FUCK KOEI ARE YOU TRYING TO GET DONE FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT OR WHAT?" Blanc's voice yelled from nowhere, as I frantically attempted to put on my spare set of clothes to no avail. UIs are hard to navigate in a panic.

After what felt like a minute but was probably more like 7 seconds, I changed into my newly acquired suit, my face burning crimson at the abject horror I had caused the poor CPU. I didn't even _want_ to face her, so I simply put on the washer and left, face down and head in my hands. At the very least my hands were getting a good warming too.

"Koei? You didn't answer my question." Blanc's voice was like a mother scolding her child, rather than the angry warpath yelling of the cuss fairy I was used to. Honestly I'd take an axe to the face right about now if I could.

"I-I did not realize you would c-come in at the time I was using th-these facilities, Lady Blanc." I attempted to keep my composure, as I slowly turned towards Blanc, her face just as tomato red as mine.

"Well, I didn't see anything below the waist and I stood behind you, so no harm done?" Blanc tried to rectify my nervous shuddering with her attempt at a soothing voice. She needed to work on that.

"No harm done. Let us never speak of this again." with a curt nod, Blanc shuffled around a bit, before opening up and reaching into a different washing machine, pulling out some clothes of hers. They were all the same outfit, aside from some cyan fabric that looked like a fancy gown of sorts, but was obscured by the fur hats and jackets.

"These things should take 10 minutes total to wash and dry your clothing. I was just busy with Vert, so I left these for a bit longer. Feel free to wait in here, I know you know have nothing better to do." Blanc going for the precision strike on my feelings for maximum damage.

"Uh, okay. I was going to stay here if it took that long anyway. But thanks for the hurt feelings?"

"I need eye bleach, you need emotional bleach, it all works out for us." Blanc stated simply before leaving the room, clothes in hand. Leaving me alone once again.

If circumstances had been different, I think we would have been in a relationship rather than IF and I. Truly the darkest timeline.

Still, that left me with a whirring machine, waiting for my casual clothes to be cleaned. At least the suit was comfortable, no wonder Kei wears these. Combining comfort and fashion into one perfect package, god I love technology.

… Man, it's taking a while for these clothes to be washed. I know Blanc said it'd take ten minutes, but I'm impatient, dammit.

Huh, thought that'd trigger a flag or something. You know, when you say that it sure is boring around here then shit goes down almost instantly?

_Ding!_

Oh, there's the washing machine. Opening it up, I was blasted by warm, humid air. This wouldn't have boded well if I didn't take the chance to feel my warm and dry clothing, just like it had been in a dryer. _Technology. Is. Amazing._

Slotting my casual clothing into my inventory, I then took the opportunity to equip my Lowee tracksuit bottoms and my Planeptune top. Yeah, I still didn't get a replacement for my ruined jacket/shirt. Too busy destroying robot lobsters and drinking. Still, they were comfy and easy to wear, and would carry me to my en suite bathroom with ease.

That would be the case if I didn't nearly bump into a small blue lump. Thankfully the lump stepped back, allowing me to see that it was that girl from yesterday. I think she was the one in the chair? Either way, she looked petrified and I should probably approach this with the most tact I have without simultaniously looking like a creep.

Bending down to one knee to meet eye to eye, the girl backed away more. Either Blanc told her not to talk to strangers or she is straight up that scared of new people.

"Hey kiddo." I utter in my most "I am _not_ a molester voice.", though I think I missed the not part. Oh well, in for a penny… "You lost?"

The young girl nodded. Seemed to not be a public speaker, then. "B-Big Sis said she'd be a-around here, but…"

Oh, this is definitely one of Blanc's hellspawn then. "Oh she was. Just collecting her clothes. Want me to help you get back to the bedrooms, at least?" I can get back there, anyway.

The poor girl was trembling at this point, but nodded anyway. "I-if you d-don't mind…"

I stood back up and gave a shrug. "I was heading there anyway. I have Vert's number if we don't happen to find her. You don't _mind_ coming with me though? I am fr- aquai-... Blanc and I are on speaking terms." I gradually clarified our relationship. It was better than it was a week ago at least.

The girl didn't seem to mind, even smiling a bit. "Big Sis gets angry at everyone, I wouldn't worry about it."

Starting to walk out of the room full of washing machines, she followed by my side. She was at the very least able to walk by herself. "So, what's your name, kiddo? I don't think we've met." Blatant lies, but I don't think yesterday counts.

"I'm Rom, one of the CPU Candidates of Lowee! What's your name, mister…?"

"Koei Tech. Koei works for every situation, though." Ah, now we're getting somewhere.

"Mister Koei…" Oh god that was too cute. "Were you the one who saved me yesterday from that nasty th-thug?" We were heading back to the bedrooms now at least, my pace slowed to ensure that she could keep up.

"Hmm, suppose I am. I will admit, "saved" is a bit of a stretch." I rubbed my hand against the back of my head. "Blanc is _terrifying_ when you're in her crosshairs. Her thinking I kidnapped you, hoo boy. That was like staring into Death itself."

Rom's expression fell a bit. "I'm sorry. Ram and I wanted to go play in the snow, but Big Sis said that we couldn't defend ourselves with our lack of Shares and that she was busy, so we ended up sneaking out and getting captured by that… that _thug._" Rom seemed to get genuinely angry for a moment there. She seems so nice that anger wouldn't be possible from her, but…

"She's going to pay, don't you worry, kiddo." She was the perfect height to pat without having to bend over. The wool of the hat relaxed me, while Rom seemed to calm down from the contact. No wonder these girls wear caps, they're just so _pattable._

Realising what I was doing, I pulled my hand away with a quick cough and continued on our way. The bedroom was just around the corner and-

"Rom! ROOOOM! Where the hell did you piss off to this time you little sh-" We turned the corner to find Blanc stomping around, hammer out and _that_ glare from her. You know the one, face covered in shadow, one red eye visible, imminent pain and death to anyone in her way.

So her default mood.

"Don't worry. Cuss Fairy. I found her in the washing machine room." I watched as Rom ran off to embrace her big sister as I felt a sense of accomplishment, before getting the _hell_ outta there. Just because I saved her sister doesn't mean I want to get all buddy buddy with her in _that_ mood. Especially after calling her Cuss Fairy.

Locking the door before she could kick it open, I heard a quiet yell of "Thank you Mister Koei!" before the door opposite to mine shut as well. Phew. I'm somehow getting better at this human interaction thing. Guess I have nothing else to do today but to shower and surf the Internep for a few hours before sleeping.

…

Wow, that worked? Well, time for some Koei time!

* * *

The morning light shone in as a surprising lack of a dull ache greeted me as I met the new day with "UGH. FUCKING POLITICS."

Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to today. Changing into my Planeptune clothing, now smelling of lavender, funnily enough, I headed out towards… Wherever the hell I could find some food.

The Basilicom was abuzz with activity, as staff ran two and from various rooms, preparing for the meeting of the year. I hope they get a raise for this.

Heading to the kitchen, breakfast had already been prepared. It was, shock of all shocks, a buffet which was stocked with recognisable Western staples such as cereal in clear containers (with milk of course), various varieties of fruit and-

"BACON!" I yell at nobody in particular, as I headed to the grilled meat of my eye and started to gather up what some call a "Full English" breakfast. Eggs, bacon, some toast, a few grilled mushrooms, baked beans, hash browns (Which is basically mashed potatoes in a large fried wedge. It's weird, but hey.) and of course, _Black Pudding._ Sure, it's mostly pork blood with some cereal thrown in for stabilisation or some shit like that, but it was _nice _and a tradition in my home.

No tomatoes though. _Fuck._ _Tomatoes._ Smug ass non-vegetable fruit thinking they can be in a salad. SALAD IS NOT FOR FRUIT UNLESS IT'S A FRUIT SALAD, GO BACK TO BEING THROWN!

Still, with all that gathered plus a slice of fried bread because I don't plan on living beyond 30, I sat down at the table and dug into my breakfast. Admittedly I might have gotten a little _too_ much food, but I'm still a growing boy, dammit! Stop judging!

As I was devouring the bacon like a crazed predator, Blanc and her twin sisters entered the buffet room and were just as shocked at the selection as I was. Rom and… The other one (Rem? Ram? Rim? No, Rim is stupid. Goddamn concussion.) being children, went straight for the cereal that looked the most sugar filled to get them as hyper and full of energy as possible. God help Blanc.

Speaking of, she simply grabbed not one, but two cups, filled them with tea then milk and brought them to where I was sitting, placing the tea next to me as she sat opposite. A surprising act of generosity from the flat CPU, but sure.

"This is for yesterday. Not just helping with Rom either, but for that pep talk you gave me. I probably would have chickened out of it if you didn't intervene."

Swallowing my umpteenth slice of fried pig, I elected to respond in the most Koei way possible: Not taking praise in any way whatsoever. "Nah, I just got in the way, honestly. The Rom thing was also an accident, so don't sweat over it. Thank you for the tea though. I got so into creating a dish from home that I forgot my shot of caffeine." I awkwardly laugh, but Blanc didn't seem to get the joke.

"Still, just in case everything goes to hell and we end up murdering each other at that meeting… It was nice knowing you Koei. I'll trust you to get my sisters back to Lowee safely."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Woah, Blanc. The whole point of this is _not_ to murder each other. What's with the deathbed confession here?"

Blanc shrugged, before taking a sip of tea. "Just in case. I have faith in Vert, but the other two… I haven't seen them outside of their CPU forms and they were pretty adamant about them being the "True CPU", so this might get ugly."

Dismissing her concerns, I continued. "And? You called me a other-dimensional fuckbag when we first met before storming off, yet here we are, discussing this meeting while your sisters get high off sugar." I shake my head before finishing. "You worry too much Blanc, and while that's not entirely unjustified, you need to relax a bit. Hell, after this meeting goes down, spend another night here without the twins."

Blanc blushed before averting her eyes. "N-now Koei, l-let's not get too rash here. I don't think V-Vert would appreciate me crashing here again, not even as h-her friend."

Nomming on a piece of toast, I nodded in agreement. No sense pushing the relationship if she didn't want to. Hey, look at me being the love guru.

We sat in silence as I finished off my large portion of food, contemplating our discussion. After polishing off the last crumbs and swigging the tea in a manner that made it more like a chug, I got up from my seat.

"A pleasure as always, Blanc." I bowed before taking my dirty dishes and accessories and put them in the designated area for them. Rom and Ram (Ram sounded right.) were excitedly discussing how cool Leanbox was, but Vert herself was nowhere to be found.

This was… Bad. I wanted to know where she was, at least. Power-walking through the Basilicom, expertly dodging the various staff, I eventually came across the main meeting room, where Vert was helping out the staff by sorting each seat in an almost OCD way.

"Ah! Vert! Glad I could catch you." I announce my presence, as Vert adjusted her own chair. It was hers because the paper sign in front of it said "Green Heart", evenly spaced from every other chair which had similar placards on. None for me _or_ the Candidates, but that might have gotten a little tight.

"Ah, Koei. I was just doing some last-minute prep work for the meeting. I was going to meet the visiting CPUs myself, but I'm a tad behind on things. Could you go down to the subway station and meet them for me?"

Time to shine. Equipping my suit and switching it to "Warm Chika Green", I showed off my new purchase. "You like it?"

Vert chuckled. "I didn't expect you to go out and buy a suit. But yes, that will help a bit in making you stand out at the station. Now go on, the next train should be arriving soon." Vert waved me off as she adjusted the position of the water jug placed in the middle of the table.

Poor lass is going to lose her shit when she meets Neptune.

* * *

Arriving at the station at the nice and early time of… 9:50am. Sure, whatever. I was ready to greet the visiting CPUs and their respective Candidates, assuming that Noire didn't murder Neptune, at least.

Time passed, I browsed the news articles, but there was nothing particularly noteworthy or enraging. A quiet news day of sorts. People prepared to greet their loved ones at the arrival station or whatever as I just leaned back and took in that damp air. Mmmm, smells like poorly maintained tunnels.

Eventually the train came and among the crowds of generic NPCs, four familiar figures stepped out. Of course these were Neptune, Noire and their sisters, Nepgear and Uni. Nepgear and Uni were hitting it off, while Neptune and Noire… Were _less_ so. Reminds me of when IF and I first started talking honestly, but you know, with more enthusiasm from one party.

I'm sure this isn't foreshadowing _anything._

"Ah, CPUs and Candidates, welcome to Leanbox." I greet in my most nondescript, polite tone. My suit threw them all off for a moment, but they eventually recognised me.

"Good morning Koei." Noire was the first to chip in. "Did Green Heart not want to come greet us?" She asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

"Quite the opposite. She really did want to, but got caught up in last minute preparations. Now if you'll come with me, we can go straight to the Basilicom."

I turned around, ready to lead the ragtag group when I felt a tug on my suit. Turning back around, it was Nepgear, surprisingly.

"Uh, Koei? Uni and I were hoping we could go… Explore Leanbox by ourselves? Uni hasn't been here before and even I've only been here once, so…"

I was going to say something along the lines of "go right ahead, you're not invited anyway", but Noire stopped me. "You can do that _after_ we ensure that our Nations won't break out into war. Just for safety's sake." Noire turned to Neptune, who was fiddling on her phone, completely oblivious to our antics. "Then again, if it all goes to shit, Neptune will certainly die first in the conflict. Feel free to become the second CPU Candidate of Lastation, Nepgear."

Wow, dark. Neptune didn't even miss a beat. "I uh… First Bla- White Heart and now you Noire. You really don't think this will go well?"

Noire folded her arms. "Well, not with Annoy-O-Tron over there, no. Casual disdain for my rival CPU aside, I need to be prepared for anything."

"Anything except some hobo sleeping on your border and talking mad shit about your fashion sense?" I shot back, causing her to blush.

"Y-yes. But I have a plan for _that_ now too, smartass!" Norie basked in her own smug aura as I placed a hand on my face.

"Alright, come on. I'm sure Green Heart is worried sick and White Heart is… Probably being herself." I motion for the group to follow me, taking particular note to distract Neptune from her phone for two seconds.

Girl seemed quiet today, for some reason. I'm sure it's just nerves.

Back in the Basilicom (The guards were forewarned and let us in without issue.), we made our way to the meeting room Vert was in before. However, the door was shut and a sign was placed on it:

* * *

**Peace Negotiations: 11am**

**CPUs Only! **

**Feel free to change into your fancy CPU gowns in the en suite bedrooms provided. Your sisters are also welcome to use the facilities as they please.**

**Vert**

* * *

Oh my god she used her name and not "Green Heart". Suppose it had to come out at some point.

"Well ladies, you heard… Read the sign. I'm not leading you to your bedrooms, you can make it from here." I shrugged before turning to the pair of Candidates. "As for you two…"

I was interuppted by a dull ache in my head. Strange, I didn't drink last night. Falling over, I greeted the floor with a strange sense of nostalgia. It was comfy at least. Maybe I should sleep…

_Kick_

"Ow." I was brought back to reality by a swift kick to the leg. Dragging myself upwards, it seemed that Noire was the culprit, as she was the closest to me. "Just like old times, huh?" I ask, jokingly referring to our first encounter in Lastation.

"RAM! How many times have I told you to _not_ throw hardbacks at people, you little fu-" Blanc came running from around the corner, stopping dead cold when she saw no less than 4 other CPUs and Candidates greet her. "I.. uh… I apologise for my sister's behaviour profusely, Koei. I presume these are the CPUs and Candidates of Planeptune and Lastation?"

I shot a finger gun towards the loli. "Bang on the money, chief. Neptune, Noire, Nepgear, Uni? Meet Blanc. Blanc, meet… Well, you know."

"A pleasure." Blanc's expression turned to a rare smile, as she bowed to her equals. "I must admit, I expected more… Animosity?"

The group behind me looked confused, as Ram peeked from around the corner, looking guilty. Rom was also there, just looking timid as usual. After a moment, they decided to reveal themselves fully, coming up alongside their big sister.

"Animosity shamiosity, who are those cuties?" Neptune spoke up finally, shocking absolutely no-one with her brazen attitude.

"I extended a hand towards them, not quite pointing, but giving a general indication of who I was referring to. "CPUs, this is Rom and Ram. Blanc's sisters and Lowee's CPU Candidates. Yes, that is a plural, I was confused as well."

Various greetings were exchanged, as I waited for the final jigsaw piece to jiggle- fall into place. As if summoning the devil itself, she appeared from the closed door.

"Ah, I presumed from all the noise that something happened. It seems you have all arrived safely. Could Purple Heart, White Heart and Black Heart please come in? We can start this early. As for Koei, thank you ever so much for escorting them here."

I nodded, a small blush on my face. "Just doin' my part for Gamindustri. Consider it a pleasure."

The CPUs walked in and the door closed. A shame, as I did want to see their fancy gowns in person, but it was probably for the best if I left them be.

Speaking of CPUs, this left the Candidates chatting amongst each other excitedly. Rom and Ram in particular seemed to have friends who were closer to their own age group and divine status.

"Well, come on. Let's leave your sisters… And Vert to their business." I motion for the group to follow me. Dunno where I was going, but I was sure to hit something soon.

* * *

_Goddesses, this meeting is boring. I understand it's for the fate of Planeptune, but this is just reading off the general treaty's laws that we have to abide by. "No competing for Shares." "No attacking other CPUs or Candidates unless it's in self defence." "Don't smack people around with your giant-ass katana because you got __**bored.**_"

"_Purple Heart, are you alright? The busty CPU, Green Heart asked me. I was going to say no, but for the sake of Planeptune..._

"_I'm fine, just a bit tired."_

_Green Heart's breasts jiggled as she giggled politely. "I think we're __**all**_ _tired, Purple Heart. Tired of this war at least."_

_Mutters of agreement came from both Black and White Heart, though Black Heart seemed invested in expanding on __**every detail**_ _in the treaty and amending it. I get that White Heart and Green Heart could have easily rigged it in their favour, but as far as __**I**_ _can tell, even in my bustier, more competent form, that it's a completely fair treaty, barring a few errors that could be chalked down as legitimate mistakes. It's a hefty thing, at least._

_I hope Nepgear is doing alright with Koei and the other Candidates..._


	15. Peace is the Ryght Way

**Nepstation Intro**

(Current music: Nepstation)

Welcome back to Nepstation! I'm your host, Koei. Yes, no Neptune today. Despite these being out of canon, she said she needed to go sort some contract bullshit sorted out, so she left me in charge. The author _also_ clocked out, something about a demonic pink horse… I think that's innuendo.

I guess while I'm here and perfectly capable of talking to you the reader, I'd do the mailbag for today. I mean I _am_ a self-insert so I'm basically the fuckin' author. Lazy bastard, can't write a decent OC…

**Blaze2121:** I was joking about Neptune and Noire being a thing! I swear! They'd probably murder each other before the chapter's out if the author did ship them.

As for my strength… Jeez, I don't even know. I mean, I did punch out Linda a chapter or two ago, but does she even _count? _

Well, I guess we'll see how it goes in this next chapter…

*_reads ahead_*

Oh for fucks sake author…

(A/N: Arigato for the birthday wishes)

**Xbox432**: Oh god, I'm making friends in this hellhole. The prophecy is true, I will become a harem protagonist! Kill me now!

But yeah, they lass at the suit store was super nice about my pedantic questioning. I guess you just get used to it when you deal with adventurers.

**TheEnderThief:** (A/N: Thank you for both the well wishes and the praise!)

**EnderSoul1401: **H-Hey. I'm going to do anything to poor NepG. She'd kick my ass for one thing. Then Neptune would. Then Purple Heart and Sister, then Histoire, then probably the author himself.

Still, Protagonist Aura seems to be a blessing and a curse. Life is never boring, at least...

Also me and Blanc would never happen. Lowee's too fucking cold and I can't stand kids who don't make my heart melt like Rom.

Iffy is cuter when flustered anyway.

**Endershadow98: **(A/N: Go figure, huh? Thanks for the well wishes!)

**AkiraArchus:** This is reviewing Chapter _1_, but hey I might as well thank you for liking my sociopathic past self. I assure you I get better over time.

Though by the time you read this, you already _know_ that. Oops.

Ah well, that's all for Nepstation. See ya and stay Neppy!... Why did I say that.

* * *

God, I can't believe I got roped into this. Here I am, slap bang in a harem protagonist's wet dream, leading 2 lolis, one borderline loli and Nepgear around, trying to find something to pass the time.

And I can't think of _anything_ to talk about. Fuck, do I still have that canteen on me? Feeling around my breast, I eventually found the container of whisky and took a drink out of it, Candidates be damned. I didn't ask to play babysitter, after all.

Eventually (And I do mean _eventually_), we found the Tea Room. Yes, that was the actual name. Inside was a tea set, along with large leather chairs coated in that distinct Leanbox green. The walls were filled with generic paintings of landscapes and the like and the whole room reminded me of an old people's home.

"Well, this seems like a good place to stay for a while." I motion for the Candidates to follow me. It feels weird having authority over these girls, but I Guess it's more of a respect thing than true authority.

As we all sat down, I noticed the kettle had a button on it. Pressing it, it started to heat up. Yes, self-heating kettles that also happen to look like traditional ones. Honestly, if someone back home made this, they would probably make millions. Still, Uni, Nepgear and I were sat, while Rom and Ram wandered around the room. There was a bookshelf in the corner, and as foreboding as the idea of having another hardback thrown at me is, I can keep an eye on it and anticipate this time, at least.

_Click!_

"Ah, that must be the kettle." I announced to nobody as I leaned forward to pour myself some tea. The cups were smaller than I would have liked, but we weren't going to be here for _that_ long, so it didn't matter that much.

"Uni, NepG? Tea?" I offer, as I still had the kettle in hand. A pair of nods affirmed me to pour some boiling water into their cups complete with teabag. Heh, teabag. A splash of milk in our cups and we were good to go.

"Thank you, Koei." Nepgear said appreciatively. If there's one thing I liked about her in particular, it's her purity. I don't know, it just seems like she can't bring herself to hate. Naive as that may be, I still think it's better than well, me.

Uni on the other hand, was an enigma to me. We've talked once briefly and only met in person today. We haven't even exchanged a word since she arrived. I won't force the issue, but I'll keep an eye out on her. If I recall correctly, she was only "born" a few days ago.

Man, the idea of this girl in front of me who easily looked at least 13 being less than a week old is weird. One of the great mysteries of Gamindustri, I guess.

Contemplative silence. Well, Rom and Ram were having fun in the corner, but aside from that it was entirely peaceful. Almost _too_ serene, as these are the Candidates for Nations that are still technically at war.

Hmm, makes me wonder how Neptune's doing in there…

* * *

"_For the last time, we don't need to expand on the fact that Planeptune has had the lowest Share count overall for 5 years straight!" I slammed my fist on the table, causing the jug to shake._

"_Purple Heart, please." Green Heart kept her motherly demeanour, attempting to keep the atmosphere fine despite my anger. "I __**know**_ _that this seems entirely irrelevant, but we need to chalk down the mistakes of the past so they don't affect our future." _

"_She has a point, y'know." White Heart chipped in. "My Shares were in the shitter a few days ago and __**I**_ _think this is ridiculous. Give her a break, won't you?"_

"_White Heart, my former rival. Thank you for standing up for me." I calmed down somewhat, appreciative of her support._

_She casually shot a thumbs up before leaning back. "Not a problem. Honestly, I just want this friggin' mess over with. I can't really trust Koei with my sisters, y'know?"_

"_I'd hate to derail the topic at hand, but I have to concur." Black Heart's turn to pipe up. "I know he doesn't mean any harm, but can we trust him? He's not even __**from**_ _this dimension."_

_Hmm. I needed a way to bail Koei out of this, lest this sows the seeds of distrust between us. I can't even use the fact he's the protagonist, even though that's kind of __**why**_ _he'll be fine._

"_Why do we have any reason to __**not **__trust him?" I asked myself, not realizing I said it out loud. Silence fell on the table. Crap._

"_Well, he's a bit gung-ho on resorting to the bluntest method, but maybe that's for the best?" Green Heart replied, seeming to agree with me. Accidental success! This deserves a pudding when I get back home!_

"_If anything, he's shown himself to be a capable fighter who's willing to work with us for almost nothing on his end." White Heart concurred. "He offered to help me find Ram after arresting him on false charges. He didn't ask for pay."_

"_I suppose you have all have a point." Black Heart's confidence seemed to waver, just for a moment. "It's just that… Well…"_

"_Well?" I prod, wondering what was up with my neighboring CPU._

"_It may be something to do with how I first met Koei. He was sleeping on the border of Lastation/Lowee. I kicked him awake in human form, asking him why the hell he was here. After he was silent for a few moments he well… Insulted my fashion?"_

_I had to hide my snickering. This was meant to be a serious meeting._

"_And after that I __**may**_ _have overreacted and-"_

"_Slashed him across the chest, causing a big wound that scarred?" White Heart interrupted, shocking the table. "When we worked together, he showed me his chest scar and said something along the lines of "Not the worst first impression a CPU gave me.", so that's a mystery solved."_

_Huh. "I'm surprised that Koei isn't more apprehensive about working with us." I mutter, once again not realizing I was saying things out loud._

"_Well," White Heart continued. "That might be due to me being the first CPU he met. He woke up in Lowee, after all. This was during the time when my Shares were draining fast, so I kept passing out after going HDD. One thing led to another and we ended up sharing a hostel room. We had a brief chat and parted ways. When I went to the lobby, a Guild agent told me who he really was and to try to keep an eye on him for "the sake of Gamindustri." Seems that this meeting was planned from the start."_

_Mutters of agreement could be heard. "What happened after that, then?" I ask. I know that Iffy was trying to get him to Planeptune because of Histoire's mission, but the details are fuzzy. Man if only he wrote it down into some form, like a diary or a non-fiction book. Or even a fanfiction!_

"_Well, I ended up asking where he went at the Guild. They told me he went to Aqualentis Lake and I followed suit. He was fighting a Whale and was about to get crushed when I went HDD and saved him. After defeating it… Well, I passed out again. I woke up in the same hostel and we had… A disagreement on my work ethic."_

"_Sounds like me and Uni." Black Heart muttered under her breath._

"_I eventually called him a fuckbag and went back to the Basilicom to check on Rom and Ram. I think he tried to come after me to apologise, but got turned around in the snow and ended up in Lastation instead." White Heart finished._

"_That sounds reasonable enough, but we've gone __**completely**_ _off topic here." Green Heart stated sternly. "Though, that brings an interesting point up. Purple Heart, does he work for Planeptune specifically?"_

_I shook my head. "While he sleeps in the Basilicom and has a Staff ID, he's working for Histoire, not me. I think has a bit of a distaste towards me, honestly." I laugh half-heartedly. "I remember our talk on the balcony of the Basilicom. A bit of a pep talk before his quest. He seemed nervous, unsure of himself. Almost scared, even. But I think he's coming into his own now. It sounds corny, but if we have faith in him, maybe he'll have faith in us too?"_

_Silence._

"_That's… Not entirely unreasonable." Black Heart agreed. "If you pull him aside and tell him he's free to work for whoever he wants to, that might just give him the confidence to keep the peace between us. Plus…" Black Heart's cheeks turned a pinkish colour. "As much as I dislike his attitude, he doesn't treat me like a CPU, but as a person. I can appreciate that."_

"_Agreed." Green Heart replied. "He does seem to acknowledge our divine status while not being afraid to stand up for himself. As long as he doesn't do anything too crazy, I think he'll be fine without any extra measures."_

"_Aye." White Heart said, seeming to take the meeting far less seriously. "Given time to sharpen his fighting skills with that Guild agent who I think he has a thing for, he may just become like one of the legendary heroes long ago, before we were even created."_

"_I wouldn't go __**that**_ _far." I clarified. "But still a competent ally."_

"_Alright, with that out of the way, back to Planeptune's Shares…"_

_Nep dammit._

* * *

This was honestly really peaceful. Boring sure, but really peaceful. It was a nice change of pace from punching thugs in the face, jamming swords into whatever was in my way or drinking heavily.

… Son of a bitch, I just set a flag. Oh well, maybe it'll pass with no issues this time.

This was not to be, as the door was kicked open rather suddenly by none other than that girl I met earlier, Cave.

"We have a situation." She stated simply. Nothing more, nothing less.

"And hello to you too, Cave. What seems to be the problem on this fine afternoon?" I keep what remains of composure I had in check, I got up from the large leather chair to face down the pantless redhead directly.

"There appears to be a mob outside who want the CPUs to step down. Alternatively they said they would make them step down by killing them all. Their leader seems to be against this, however." Cave said factually, as if murdering goddesses was like talking about the weather.

"Well, can't have that.; Girls, stay here. If they find out you're CPU Candidates, it won't end well. Can we get this door locked just in case?" I turn to Cave, who shrugged. Useful.

Still, I had a mission to do. Running out of the Tea Room, I followed the chanting of "Down with CPUs!" until I hit the entrance of the Leanbox basilicom.

And boy… It was a crowd alright. Easily 100 strong, most with signs with some variation of "CPUS BAD, DEMOCRACY GOOD!" because that worked out well back home.

Sarcasm aside, there was one person in the group who wasn't generic looking. And it was a woman, shock of _all shocks. _

Long, steel blue hair accompanied her azure eyes, hidden behind a small pair of glasses. She also wore a suit, similar to Kei (Or myself for that matter.), complete with tie. While she had no pants (Again with this shit?), she did in fact have tights on at least, so she was partially covered, but her knee-high white boots sorted that anyway. Also for some reason she was into skulls and had a horn jutting out of her head, for _some_ reasons. Oh well, she appears to be important, let's go talk to her.

Approaching the woman, I saw her start to… Visibly shake? Um, okay. "Excuse me miss, are you the leader of this mob?" I ask curtly. Poor girl seemed to be terrified out of her mind, even more so than Rom or Nepgear.

"Y-yes. I'm R-R-R-Rei Ryghts, the l-leader of the C-Citizens Group. Having t-the CPUs work together would be the d-death of any hope of us citizens having any say in the p-political climate."

"Eh. Still better leaders than some I could name." I shrugged. I mean sure, if we're talking about just _Neptune_, then I could see the point. But the rest of them are competent enough.

"I don't think you see how having one person oversee everything in a Nation could be bad."

"I do, I just don't care. If a CPU gets out of hand, then it's up to the others to put her down. That'll be in the pact."

"B-But… That's absurd." She meekly replied.

"It is. Just don't think about it too much." My strategy for life.

"That's stupid! _You're_ stupid!" Uh on. She pulled something out of her pocket, before it extended into a staff that was about two thirds her height with a pair of wings on one end. "People like you is why such inequality exists in this world! Annihilating you will be my first step to fixing this discrepancy!"

Huh, she didn't have an aura around her before. Just what the fuck is happening?

"Hey, Cave?" I turn to the RRoD member, who had remained silent throughout our exchange. "Make sure the CPUs are safe won't you? Same with the Candidates."

She gave a salute before running back inside the Basilicom, leaving me alone with this clearly insane woman. Aura aside, she needed to be pacified. The crowd had backed off somewhat, giving us some room to maneuver.

I guess it has been a while since I last fought. Not counting the run-in with Linda. Pulling Serenity out, I steeled myself for this fight, as this might be difficult.

**Koei Tech**

**Vs **

**Rei Ryghts**

**Ready? FIGHT!**

(Current music: Head Honcho Carpaccio - GaMetal)

"Aight, fuck this. FROSTBLAST!" I fired right at Rei, hoping to end this quick. To my surprise, she didn't dodge out of the way, but used her staff as a bat to smack away the spell towards the crowd. Thankfully no one was hurt, as they ran away before it hit any of them.

Still though, this left the fact that I had pissed off a pretty powerful being. "Is that your strategy? Firing your weak spells at me with no other strategy. I should have expected as much from someone like you."

Um, ow? Well, if she wants strategy…

"AIRSHOT!" I pointed Serenity behind me in order to launch myself at the blue haired menace. This unexpected move seemed to have caught Rei off guard, as I managed to get an overhead strike across her face in.

Staggering back, Rei checked her freshly sliced face, only to find nothing. No blood, no cut… How?

"Useless. Useless useless useless!" Rei started laughing maniacally. I swore I sliced her clean across the face, why is she fine?

_Vrrm, vrrm._

Oh for fucks sake. Answering the call, I put a hand to my ear. "The _fuck_ do you want? I'm busy."

"Oh honey, with an attitude like that, it's little wonder how you angered little Rei over there." Anonydeath's voice came from the other end. I have _so many questions_. "I'll make this quick, then; It seems that another sort of "hole" has opened up in time and space."

"Another hole?" I asked, watching Rei intently. It seems she was at least nice enough to wait, though she was tapping her foot with her arms crossed with a "Hurry up so I can kick your ass" look.

"Yes. You read my logs, you know I'm from a different dimension entirely. It seems that a hole in space opened up again between this dimension and my home dimension. It also appears to be leaking my version of Rei's Share energy, which is flowing into your version of Rei."

Oh that can't be good. "So that means that this Rei has the strength of a CPU?"

"Well, sort of. While she can't _transform_, her strength is still increased. And from the sounds of things, she still has her CPU personality. What I'm saying is _good luck._"

"Thanks. But why help me out? I thought we were enemies?" This is a valid point.

"Well, I figured that with the CPUs uniting, it might be best to quit the villainy while I was behind. You foiled my plan, destroyed my base of operations, etc. Just seems like too much work to continue on this path. Don't consider us friends, though."

And with that, the line cut out. Weird. I mean, he had a point, the CPUs all working together would make things much harder. I didn't really destroy his base though, did I?

"Finally." Rei twirled her staff. The crowd was completely gone at this point, leaving just us two to fight to the death.

No chance in hell she's letting _me_ live after this, anyway.

Rei sauntered towards me, staff in hand with the biggest shit-eating grin possible by a human. "Time to die, heathen."

Admittedly, Rei is rather intimidating when she's got the aura of insanity along with most of a CPU's power. Still, I'm not going down without a fight.

"Bring it, bitch." I stated simply before closing my eyes and spinning around, aiming to hit her right hand with Serenity. I opened my eyes after hearing the sound of something being torn and…

Oh. I slashed right at her torso, below her breasts. Her bra was nice, but this was not my intention. Looking down at her ruined clothing and back at me, I could _see_ her turning crimson with rage.

"Y-y-y-you **fucking PERVERTED BASTARD!** I'm not just going to kill you, but I'll make sure you die as slowly and painfully as I can! Degenerates like you belong on a cross!"

Yeah, yeah. Keep ranting while I charge a plan B. B for Blazing Blade. Setting Serenity ablaze, that was part A. Part B was charging the most powerful spell I know. Rei was still ranting, by the way. I'd say she's gone off the deep end, but I think she was already like that.

Still ranting. Good, good. Just a little more time…

"... And the water is turning the women gay! How else would you explain the massive influx of lesbian romances recently? You don't just wake up one day and think "I want to finger so and so next door" now do you? DO YOU? _ANSWER ME!... _What are you doing?"

Time to strike. "Burn in hell, bitch! **INFERNO SHOT EX!**" EX sounded cool. Anyway, pointing Serenity right at her face, I fired a what was essentially a point blank fire bomb right in front of _my_ face too.

Fire hurts. A lot. Thankfully my suit didn't catch fire, but it certainly didn't have flame retardant properties. All I could see for a while was smoke. Smoke everywhere. I'm getting flashbacks to Lastation's air pollution here.

(Song End)

Eventually (and I do mean _eventually_) the air cleared up to reveal… Oh dear god.

I had accidentally burned all of Rei's clothes off. She was starkers. This was not my intended result. Averting my eyes with a crimson blush burning harder than the actual fire.

Now of course, I couldn't just _leave_ her in that state. We were enemies sure. But I had _standards_ for fucks sake. Even if I called her a bitch in the heat (ha) of the moment.

Well, my clothes were intact. Looking around to make sure nobody else was around, I stripped down to my boxers and socks and threw my used clothes at Rei while I equipped my Planeptune shirt and pants. Phew, situation resolved.

I turned 180 degrees as I waited for Rei to notice that I gave her something to wear. A few moments later, I heard her voice again.

"T-thanks. You can turn around now." And so I did. While it wasn't a _perfect_ fit, she was decent at least. It also seemed that she calmed down. Maybe the aura dissipated after she got hit by the Inferno Shot?

"Well, we may have opposing views and I might be an asshole, but I'm not going to let a lady go around naked." I took out a Nep Bull and started to drink it. That Inferno Shot did a number on me as well. "Want one, Rei?"

Rei shook her head. "No, but thank you. Not just for the offer, but for standing up against me. I don't know what came over me then."

"Neither do I." I lied. Rei was a good girl at heart, I don't think she needs to know about her alternate, possibly insane self.

"W-well, I suppose the Citizen's Group has sort of disbanded after people saw what I did." Rei sighed. "I really don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry."

I shrug "Eh, it's fine. I wish the fight had gone on longer, was kind of exhilarating fighting someone that strong. You were close to pushing me to my limit and that was _awesome!_"

Rei was shocked, to say the least. "T-that sounds rather… Insane to say the least."

"It might, but I am feeling out of practice." Came a voice from behind me, turning around it was none other than the CPU of Planeptune herself, complete with a fancy, flowing dress. The others were there too. "We heard there was an _incident_, but it seems you once again resolved this rather handily… If not conventionally. Iffy would not be happy to hear you saw another woman naked."

My eyes widened. "**Do not.** Tell IF. For the love of all that is holy."

Purple Heart gave a smug grin. "Pudding keeps my mouth shut, Koei. We can negotiate later. For now…"

Purple Heart rather dramatically tore off her dress, revealing her spandex covered form once more, before pulling out her trademark purple katana. "You wanted to duel, correct? Then let's see how you stack up against a _real_ protagonist."

**Koei Tech **

**Vs.**

**Purple Heart**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

(Current Music: Let The Battles Begin! - GaMetal)

Purple Heart charged towards me, dual handing her blade in order to get the first strike. I did the sensible thing and sidestepped at the last moment, causing the attack to whiff and leaving an opening.

"Maybe you should chill out! **Frostblast!**" An all too familiar recoil caused me to grunt as I aimed right at one of her wings. Deja vu?

Unsurprisingly, my shot hit its mark, causing the wing to freeze over. Purple Heart fell over, her frozen wing no longer providing her with the ability to fly.

"Ugh, clever move." Purple Heart conceded, as she got back up. "But I don't need my wings to beat you. I just need my resolve!"

"How droll." I mock yawned as a taunt. "Come on Nutjob, this is supposed to be a friendly spar, not a fight to the death. Save the theatrics for when you're fighting a real enemy."

Purple Heart nodded curtly, death in her power symbol eyes as she went for a second charge. I don't think sidestepping would work this time, so I calculated where she would try to hit me and steeled myself to parry.

This was not a good idea. The combination of her momentum and the fact that she's far stronger and has a larger blade caused a ton of knockback when I attempted to parry, causing Serenity to go flying out of my hands. This _was_ feeling eerily similar now.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Noire (At some point the other CPUs had deactivated HDD) giving a nervous chuckle. Oh right, _that_. Well, I'll make sure this won't end badly for me this time.

Looking frantically for Serenity, it was on the ground a few meters away. Looking back at Purple Heart, she had her arms crossed with a shit eating grin on her face. "Go on, I'll wait." she said smugly.

"Thanks." I say, giving a curt nod before jogging over to my weapon. It was a bit dirty, but none the worse for wear. Picking it up, I turned to Purple Heart, who was preparing her next attack.

"Time to step things up! **Cross Combination!**" Thanks for announcing your attack. Once again, she charged forward but this time…

"Fool me twice, shame on me! **Airshot!**" I pointed Serenity down at the ground in order to dodge the attack. Sailing at least a good ten feet in the air, Purple Heart's attack completely whiffed. This plus the fact that I was now directly above her…

"Incoming!" I quickly enchanted Serenity to the glorified cattle prod mode. "FROM THE HEAVENS I ATTACK, JUST LIKE LIGHTNING! **THUNDERSTRIKE!**"

I slammed Serenity directly on Purple Heart's body, forcing her to the ground while I landed… Also on the ground. Face first.

"Fuuuuck." I say into the dirt. I attempted to get up before feeling a weight on my back and cool steel on the back of my neck.

"Well fought, Koei. Your ingenuity really does shine through when under pressure. Using Airshot to strike from above was certainly surprising. You may need to work on your landing skills, however. Oh, and I believe I won this duel."

"Rub it in, why don't you." I spat, somewhat bitter about my sudden defeat. "How much pudding do I owe you for this?"

Purple Heart fell silent for a moment. "Ten. Nine for me and one for you for fighting so well."

"Fine." I conceded. "Does that include the bribe for not telling Iff- IF about this?"

"Oh that'll be another ten puddings." she clarified.

"For fucks sake."

* * *

After cleaning myself up, I helped get Rei home. She lived nearby and had a spare suit, so I got mine back and we parted on good terms We exchanged numbers, even. Mostly so if she noticed anything strange happening to her again she could call me and ensure she didn't murder anyone.

As for the treaty? Yeah, it was signed. Signed during my fight against Rei, funnily enough. It's a weird feeling, knowing that the CPUs are obligated to be all buddy buddy with each other now, but I think they can pull it off. I have faith in them to be friends.

I mean, if they can be friends with _me…_

"So, ladies." I announce to the 8 CPUs and Candidates, all waiting outside Rei's apartment. "Celestia?"

Most of them gave me confused looks, with only Neptune and Nepgear understanding what I meant. "Oh, that bar in Planeptune? Sounds fun." Neptune shot a thumbs up at me. "I want to see Koei in his natural environment, after all!"

Murmurs of agreement came from the group. "Small problem though." I rubbed my head sheepishly. "I don't think the Candidates would be allowed in."

"Well, we can go see Compa." Nepgear piped up. Actually not a bad idea. "I've been meaning to catch up with her for a while, honestly, so this is the perfect chance to go see her!"

I shrugged. "Fair enough. She's a nurse anyway, so she probably can look after you for a few hours. Plus I could invite Iffy out, making our party a sixer."

Neptune snickered. "You said Iffy, Koei."

I tried to hide my blush to no avail. "I-it's a cute nickname, shaddup."

"You're cute." Neptune teased as my blush turned into a borderline blaze. Is she _flirting_ with me?

"H-hey, I'm taken ya know." I muttered mostly to myself, but Neptune did hear.

"Not that you make that fact clear enough." Neptune snipped back. "A hottie like me can't resist your protagonist charm~"

Yikes. "Uhhh, I'm just going to go now…" Neptune was nice and all, but she looks highly illegal. I was already pushing it with IF.

"Fine, fine. I bet you're more of a Blanc person anyway. I've seen how you look at the flat fair- YIKES!"

I swung Serenity at Neptune, not really aiming to hit her, but just to shut her the hell up. That conversation was going _weird fucking places_ and I wanted to part in it.

"Jeez Koei, learn to take a joke." Neptune chided, clearly not aware of what sort of shit can go down with _those_ sorts of accusations.

"Whatever. I need a drink." I set off to the subway station, ignoring the chattering of the CPUs behind me.

Compa's apartment complex in daytime was imposing. It is a large complex, just as ivory as the rest of Planeptune's towers.

Still, we were here. There was one problem, however.

"Where in the seven hells does Compa live?" I looked at the various buttons that would ring up the assigned door. Glaring closer, one of the buttons was marked with a C next to a heart. Well gee, wonder who that belonged to.

Pushing the button, the speaker crackled to life. "Hello?" Came Compa's sweet, angelic voice soothed my ears and soul.

"Uh yeah, I got a delivery for one Compa. You like kids, right?"

A squee could be heard over the intercom. "I _love_ kids! Please come up as soon as you can!"

And thus, the door opened, allowing our party to travel upstairs. The apartment complex was you know, a complex. Pretty sterile, boring walls accompnied by sweet fuck-all in terms of interesting decoration. It was terribly droll to say the least and it made trekking up to Compa's apartment a tad boring.

Still, we got there eventually and it was just as drab as any other apartment. Nepgear in a surprising show of courage, went up and knocked on the door. After some seconds passed, Compa opened the door to reveal herself and-

Wow that apartment is gaudy. Well, maybe gaudy is a bit too harsh. It certainly stood out, at least. Pink, peach and orange were the main colours of choice here, just like with Compa herself.

Noticing that I was outside the apartment and _alone_, I walked in, ignoring my compatriots to look around the place. I was enthralled by how homely this place felt, with medical books on a small bookshelf, some pictures of Compa and IF together on another shelf going back to when they were just kids, A large (As in, around my or Compa's size) laid in the corner, some weird red-ish liquid read for injecting. I suppose she _is_ a nurse, but... Miss me with **that**, I hate normal sized needles. While there was an appropriately pink couch I could sit on, I knew we wouldn't be here long.

Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to see my darling, the love of my life… Nah I'm kidding, it's just Neptune, with a pair of puddings in hand.

"Here, I said I owed you one for fighting so well." Neptune handed me over the custardy substance, complete with disposable plastic spoon.

I blinked, before gratefully taking the desert. I did feel a bit low on sugar _and_ energy, so I happily consume the delicious delicacy without delay.

"This is _damn_ good, Nep. Where'd you get this from?" I ask, accidentally using a shorter version of her name. I'm doing that a lot.

"Compa makes them from scratch, of course!" Neptune took a bit of her own pudding with an audible "mmm" of pleasure. Hopefully that would be the _only_ time I heard such things from her.

Neptune seemed to wink at me after that thought. Riiight, she's aware of my inner monologue. Wonder if she's taking the hint, though. Knowing her, she's just doing it to annoy me.

"Mr. Koei, would you mind if I checked your head wound?" Compa interrupted. Right, the lobster claw that she patched up a while ago by now. I suppose it wouldn#t hurt to check.

"Go right ahead." I let the medical professional do her work as she undid the bandage. I'd honestly forgotten that I had that on me. I blame the concussion.

"Seems to have healed up nicely, Ko-ko! Have you been drinking healing potions regularly? Because I _may_ have forgotten to recommend that you do. Helps with wounds quite a lot, don'tcha know?" Compa gave a smile after that. She's too precious for this world.

"I might have had one or two, yeah." I admitted sheepishly. Between fighting for my life on multiple occasions, drinking and worst of all _politics_, my health wasn't high on the priority list.

Compa still kept her positive attitude despite that. It was rather adorable if naive. I suppose as long as she had someone to look after her, she'd be alright.

"Agh, what's all that noise out here for?" Speak of the devil, it was IF, looking rather tired. Still, seeing her in person again made my heart flutter a bit.

"Oh hey I-Iffy." I say, utterly terrified for no real reason. I faced down a _goddess with zero fear_, why does talking to IF make me nervous?

Oh right, I _like_ her. And I was _mostly _sober, so my inhibitions and insecurities were in full swing! Fuck!

"Iffy? Thought you liked Stalker, Koei." IF tilted her head in confusion at the sudden acknowledgement of her more well used nickname.

My hand found the back of my head again as I rubbed it nervously. "W-well, I f-feel like we've moved on from that part of our relati- friendship." I stuttered, but can you blame me? I'm trying to socialize with a cute girl that happens to like me.

IF walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Ya don't need to be so nervous around me. Just relax, alright?" She said in a soothing tone while gently rubbing my shoulder. Seeing this more intimate, caring side of IF when surrounded by people almost made me forget that we were in fact, surrounded by people.

Thankfully everyone seemed to be in their own little bubble. The Candidates sans Nepgear were meeting Compa for the first time (Listening in, I could hear Rom talk excitedly about healing magic) while everyone else was enjoying some pudding and company. It was kind of like the end of a chapter so to speak.

"Huh. I just realized, IF. The Console Wars… They're over." I said contemplatively as I looked at the other two groups. "And I… Helped with that."

"Eh, it was a team effort. It seemed that they would have resolved their differences sooner or later anyway." IF casually leaned back against a nearby wall. "Still, better now than 6 months, maybe a year down the line?"

I shrugged. "Probably even longer, knowing how stubborn Blanc is, how work-happy Noire is and how… Neptune Neptune is."

IF tilted her head "And Vert?"

"Vert had 5pb. on her side. If she wasn't going to outright win, she was certainly going to stick it out the longest. That girl is a _hell_ of an idol."

"I 's'pose. You didn't come here just to grab pudding and catch up now, did you?" She got me there. I do have ulterior motives, after all.

"Just wondering if you have the time to go drinking again, as the world's safe and the CPUs are on board so it's going to be fun." I offered, knowing that IF wouldn't turn down a drink with me.

IF pondered for a moment, before shooting me a thumbs up. "Sounds fun. I assume you're dumping the Candidates on Compa?"

"You know it, Iffy." She knew me so well. I turned to the group of deities… And Nepgear. "Shall we be off, then? I'm not getting any less sober, here."

Mutters of agreement came from the group. "I haven't had a drink in a while thanks to Rom and Ram. Having a night out would be great." Blanc admitted, out of earshot of her sisters thankfully. It must be rough on her, looking after two little sisters, one of which being a little shit.

Jeez, I sound just like her. Maybe I was right on that backup romance thought I had yesterday evening.

I mean, she saw me _nude_, so…. Actually let's not go down that road. I can see Neptune giving me weird looks again and snickering to herself. Get outta my thoughts, vile wench!

Right, we were just about going, weren't we? Saying my goodbyes to Compa and the Candidates, we left for Celestia, a place that I now realized would have four deities inside of it. Almost like this was fated, somehow.

Bah, I never believed in fate anyway. Protagonist Aura is one thing, I've always _felt_ lucky in some respect. Whatever jam I would end up in would always sort itself out without any major consequences. I guess that's been happening here too.

I'm probably just overthinking this. A consequence of being way too sober, perhaps.

* * *

By this time we were all out of the apartment and the sun was starting to set, so Planeptune was covered in a lovely orange glow to compliment the violet neon of the towers. Our little group was split up into 3 sets of 2, with IF and I leading the proverbial charge. Behind us, I could hear Vert and Blanc casually discussing manga, leaving poor Noire stuck with the ever excitable Neptune. Still, it was how our little clique went, so I didn't question it.

"So, how did the meeting go?" IF asked as we headed towards Celestia, trying to strike up a conversation. Unfortunately my flask was now in my other set of clothes so I couldn't get the party started early. A shame.

"Well, I wasn't there, but I was attacked by some mad woman called Rei." I noted, recalling the day's events. "After that I was sort of disappointed due to how anti-climatic the fight was, so Neptune and I dueled. I lost that one." I rather smartly left out the part about burning off Rei's clothes. And owing Neptune like 20 puddings.

"Sounds like you had a fun day regardless of the meeting. I was just at Compa's, filing some Guild related paperwork for Histoire. When you're not actively questing, you tend to have free time." IF admitted, now rubbing her own head sheepishly. "Sometimes I act as practice for Compa on her studies as well, just to help out, you know?"

I nodded in understanding. Sometimes you just help out people because you have nothing better to do. Hell in a sense that's what _I've_ been doing this entire time without realizing.

"Speaking of Histoire, am I getting paid for this whole "Uniting the Nations" shindig? It took a lot of time and effort, you know." I asked inquisitively. Hero work doesn't come cheap and neither does booze.

"Huh? Yeah you should get a payment into your account soon. Don't expect anything you can retire off of though. Not that you would, as you'd probably end up getting bored."

"You really need to stop reading me so hard, Iffy." I punched her shoulder gently in a joking manner. "I'm not _that_ easy to read."

"Call it intuition." IF winked, before pointing in front of her. "We're here, by the way."

I looked ahead and yup, there was Celestia in all of its standing out, retro-cyberpunk glory. Just as nice with thrice the party, I guess.

Entering, it certainly felt cooler than outdoors, but this could just be the darker atmosphere. The CPUs behind me oohed and ahhed at all the stylish lighting around them. IF and I for our part just went to the bar to see a shocked Jill, mid-glass clean

"Didn't expect him to have so many friends, did you? Honestly, neither did I." IF greeted the barkeep as we sat down, the CPUs still wandering around the place. "Give them a minute, I think the aesthetic is new to them. Oh, and two Beers if you don't mind."

Jill nodded curtly, before starting on our drinks. Silence fell between the two of us, as the CPUs continued to gawk at the decorations around them.

Well, mostly Neptune.

By the time we got our Beers, the others were now sat down, with Neptune and Noire to my right and Vert and Blanc to my left. Of course, IF was still next to me, on my left.

"Jill, meet Neptune, Noire," I gestured my hand to the appropriate side of the room as I called out each name. "Vert and Blanc. Otherwise known as the CPUs."

Jill's eyebrow raised slightly. "Huh. Nice. Well, welcome to Vallha- Celestia. What would you like to order?"

Various orders went out. A Blue Fairy for Neptune, a Beer for Noire, a Mulan Tea for Vert (Jill had this on her, _somehow_) and a Piano Woman for Blanc.

No idea what those names mean either, but everyone had a drink at least. Taking a sip of the cool liquid within the glass, the bitterness covered my tongue and it felt so… Rewarding.

"Ahhh. So _this_ is what victory tastes like." I state factually, because it _felt_ true at least.

"Really? Tastes just like Beer to me." Noire deadpanned, not realizing the metaphor I guess.

"Ahh, my dear Noire, it's a metaphorical taste. You really take things too literally." I replied, earning a glare from the ebony haired CPU.

It softened after a moment, however. "How is your wound holding up? T-The one I caused, anyway." She diverted the topic to something at least twice as awkward, but nobody else seemed to bat an eyelid to that. I guess she confessed during the meeting or something.

Opening up my shirt and feeling around the chest area, there was certainly still a scar there, but it felt like it had healed a lot from when I first saw it… Strangely it didn't feel like it healed any more.

"It's healed a lot, but I don't think it'll be going anytime soon." I sadly confirmed. From the glum look in Noire's face, she still feels bad about the whole incident.

Truthfully, I do a bit too. Thinking back on it, I could have and should have acted better, whether I knew she _was_ a CPU or not is irrelevant.

"Oh don't give me that sad face Noire. Come on, I'll buy you your next drink." I patted her on the shoulder, trying to be friendly. For some reason I feel like I'm forgetting somebody-

Oh goddammit I'm here with my girlfriend and I just offered another girl a drink. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Think Koei, think. What do I do now?

"In fact, drinks for everyone! Next round is on me! Yay world peace!" Some rejoicing was had as I leaned back, sighing in relief. Situation avoided.

Looking to my left, IF gave a wry grin and her eyes said something along the lines of "Don't think I didn't see that moment of panic, cutie."

Ah, those beautiful emerald eyes. Even in the relative dark they shone. It's little wonder I fell for her.

"S-so, how are you?" I try and stay casual. Striking up small talk like it meant something is a perfectly valid thing to do while you wait for the alcohol to kick in

IF wasn't too amused. "Well, I did say earlier what I did, so I'm fine, thank you. The paperwork was a little tiring, but nothing I'm not used to. You?"

"I'm awkwardly trying to make smalltalk with my girlfriend while waiting for alcohol to kick in… Son of a bitch." I realized that I used my inner monologue as outer dialogue. Less a slip of the tongue and more slamming it into a vice.

IF chuckled at that. "I think it's kicking in already, with comments like that."

I rather nervously chuckled back. "Y-yeah, guess I should slow down a little." I stared at the beverage, looked at IF who was talking with Blanc for a moment and proceeded to chug the mug before carefully placing it back on the counter. I needed Dutch Courage for tonight and my whiskey was in my other suit.

Still, I had to wait for the other CPUs to finish up. IF tapped me on the shoulder to attract me attention as she pulled out her phone. She mouthed "I'm going to check on Compa" to me before walking out, but not before tapping Neptune on the shoulder and saying something else. Oh god, oh no.

Neptune grabbed her half-drunk drink and sauntered over to where IF was sat. "'Ello, lover boy. Iffy told me to keep an eye on you, so I suppose now's as good a time as ever to well, ask you something."

I tilted my head in confusion. "Uh, go on?" I turned towards Jill and mouthed "One Bad Touch, please." to her, ignoring the snickering as I turned back to Neptune. I was _going_ to need that.

"Well, it's about your role as protagonist. How are you holding up?" Her tone was surprisingly gentle, much as it was back during that talk way back when.

"Huh, guess I'm doing fine, why?"

"Just checking up. Can't have the protagonist go off the deep end and become the villain. Not only is that _cliche_ but… I'll sort of miss you if you did. Iffy even more so."

Making sure nobody was looking, I gave Neptune a friendly hug. "Everything will be alright once I embrace my destiny." I simply stated before letting her go. She was nowhere near as warm as IF, but I think that got the point across.

Neptune's blush was more than worth it, however. "A-alright then." She cleared her throat and waiting for a moment for her mood to become more neutral. "Right. So I just have this _feeling_ that as you might say, "shit will go down" soon afterwards."

I tilted my head in confusion. "But I can't think of anyone who would oppose 4 goddess and me?" This much was true. Even Rei had some sort of dimensional power leak override her personality and Anonydeath was only in it for Noire, I guess.

"Well, you know how badly paced fanfiction goes. Big new villain shows up, kicks everyone's ass and it's up to the protagonist to show them what's what with an OP super form or something." Neptune read off old anime cliches like she was on TeleVisionTropes.

Then again, this did feel somewhat like an anime. Maybe it was just the crazy hair Neptune has. And 5pb. And Nisa. And Cave. And even Mina. Oh and Nepgear.

"Huh. Well, I'll keep an eye out for any long forgotten goddesses, or whatever. I think IF will be back soon, so it might be best if you went back to bothering Noire."

"H-HEY! I'M FINE ON MY OWN!" I could hear her through Neptune as we both chuckled at the loner.

I don't know why, but calling her a loner is just funny to me. Then again, she didn't seem like the socializing type.

Neptune went back to her side of the bar and ordered another drink. I was too busy focusing on Noire to notice. IF was probably still busy so I had time to ask her about something.

"So Noire… Do you even know IF?"

"Hm?" Noire turned to me. "The brunette who's insane enough to be your girlfriend? I know her name and the fact that you and her and buddy buddy and so much more, but not much else. I usually get my information from Kei, after all."

Right, the silver haired one who implied I did the nasty with Noire that one time. Still kind of funny in hindsight.

"Then I guess you'd be the most unbiased source to ask. Do you think her and I have a chance at being happy together?"

Noire's expression didn't change. Completely unreadable. "From what I've seen of you Koei, you're a man of your word, honest to a fault and get things done not out of obligation, but because you know it's the right thing to do. So I guess if she's into that, you two would make a great couple."

I smiled. Even if those things were exaggerated, I did want to stay with IF. "So can I ask how likely it is that you and Neptune wou-"

"Not a chance in Hell." Noire cut me off simply. "S-she's too energetic and happy all the time, never does her work, everyone likes her, she's got an adorable face…"

I blinked, turned to my Bad Touch and took a large drink of it. I was too sober for this.

"B-But that doesn't mean anything! At all! H-Hey look, it's the Guild Agent, g-go talk to her!" Noire sounded indignant as she turned away from me, as lo and behold, IF _was_ back.

"Compa and the Candidates are fine. They even wanted to stay overnight, so I asked Histoire if we could all crash in the Basilicom. She said yes and would make preparations immediately. So we can easily stay here for a couple of hours and get as you might say, "fucking wasted"_._"

Man, why are people quoting me so well recently? I must be easy to read.

* * *

**A/N:** Phew, bit of a mammoth length chapter that ends abruptly. But it would have been too long with the full drinking scene and too short without.

Next time; MORE DRINKING! And possibly plot stuff. I dunno, maybe there was too much plot stuff for one chapter and I need more fluff or somethin'.


	16. Drinking, Destiny and Dragons

**A/N: **No fancy Neptstation type shit today, we got plot to do. Mailbag, go!

**Blaze2121**: I'm keeping Red far, _far_ away from this. Mostly because I already make enough harem jokes without the actual harem character turning up. Also we have _Nisa_, a much _better_ character anyway!

Rei x Koei is… Interesting. Obviously their circumstances for meeting were a bit… _weirder_ than the situation with IF, but I think you could salvage something out of that.

But as for this timeline? Alas, Koei is already taken.

Water spells aren't really _a thing_ in Neptunia, are they? Seems that Ice has a chokehold on that particular Element. Plus, Koei has an elemental synergy with _Ice_ in particular, for reasons that may or may not be lore dumped this chapter…

**Blackswordgames: **Thank you! Have an awesome day! (I realize this is almost two weeks after my birthday as of writing, but you know… Whatever.)

**AkiraArchus:** No, no. Thank YOU for taking our little misunderstanding on the chin. Taking anonymous comments on face value doesn't end well and if I had been a little more vigilant, I wouldn't have pulled such a dumb fucking move.

But that's in the past, thank you for enjoying my story regardless.

**FrostSoar: **I have been trying to keep in character as much as possible and playing some of the Neptunia games helped with that quite a bit in jogging my memory.

(Speaking of, I blitzed through MegaTagmension in like, 7 hours and I may use the over the top style of attacks in that for future fight scenes. Because going **full anime is fun!**)

Alright, preamble over! On with the carnage!

* * *

**(Current Song - You've Got Me - VA11 HALL-A)**

Some time had passed since the last conversation and the mood in general had quieted down a smidgen. Well, I was quiet at least, finishing off my second Beer of the evening, with IF opting for a Piano Woman to wash down the bitterness of her last drink, presumably.

It reminded me of the last time we were here when I ordered a Piano Woman for her on Jill's suggestion. She mentioned something about Compa?

"So, you and Compa… you've known each other for a while, huh?" I circle my finger on the rim of the glass, trying to at least look less awkward around my uh, girlfriend. Nope, still weird to say out loud…

"Yeah, we kind of met at school when we were really young… About 5ish? It's been so long, yet I can remember it so clearly…"

* * *

_It was during the lunch break, I was wandering around the field they called a playground when I heard sniffling from behind one of the large boulders they had in there to substitute for actual playground equipment… That school skimmed more money than a shady dealer selling Green Pastures._

_Anyway, I found Compa there, crying alone. Compa was always a bit of a crybaby when she was younger. She had no spine and just let the other kids bully her. I think I was the first kid to treat her right, judging from the crushing hug she gave me when I gave her some support._

_We stuck together after that. Partially because I wanted to keep Compa safe from those who pushed her around… And partially because that smile of hers always made my day. And still does._

_I wonder if Koei sees the same in me. Maybe not the part about protection, he can and does take care of himself fine. But the way he looks at me, the perceived notion of him being a stone cold badass falling apart when he talks to me…_

_Why do I feel the same way? Is this truly fate at work? I know Histoire wanted me to be in Lowee for that rift that he ultimately appeared out of and get him to Planeptune, but…_

* * *

"Hey, IF? IF?" I waved my hand in front of the guild member. Nada. She was lost in thought. Maybe it's for the best, I know when I get like that, it's usually important.

"Sigh. Aight, I'mma go get some fresh air and let this Beer settle while IF does… _that._ I'll be back before she comes to… Probably."

"Mind if I come with?" Jill asked, once again cleaning a glass. "I'm due for a break and I think I can trust the CPUs of all people to do anything funny while I take it. Normally don't _get_ this busy, after all."

I shrug. "Sure. Probably would have gotten cold and lonely anyway."

Thus, we headed out, leaving the CPUs to talk amongst themselves and IF to contemplate.

* * *

**(Current Song - Friendly Conversation - VA11 HALL-A)**

As soon as we got outside, Jill pulled a packet of something I didn't think would exist here; a pack of cigarettes. "Want one?" she offered.

"Appreciate the gesture, but not a smoker. Don't mind being around it, so smoke away."

Jill nodded, before lighting up and inhaling her stick of lung disease. Looking out into what little we could see of the Planeptune nighttime, it was still as striking as ever.

"Y'know, if back home had been half this pretty at night, I might even miss it a bit." I somewhat confessed out of nowhere, awed by the light show.

"Glitch City has the opposite problem. The city never sleeps, so neither did I. Part of why I became a bartender. That and I am not a morning person."

"Pfft." I scoffed. "Imagine being one of those weirdos who wakes up at something like 6 or 7am on any given day of the week. Not even out of obligation, just because you _can_."

"You're telling me." Jill puffed on her cigarette again, inhaling deeper than ever. "Still, Planeptune is _way_ less stressful to sleep in than Glitch City ever was. The worst news you hear here are rumors spread by conspiracy nuts that aren't even right half the time and only get published because the Gamindustri News Network is equal opportunity." Jill sighed before continuing. "Back home though, you hear about bloody murders to the point where unless something truly devastating happens, like a mass leak of information concerning the main defense force of the city, showing how inwardly corrupt they are and completely shaking the foundation of the city, you just get whatever's popular. Rumors, news about when the local idol singer is performing, entertainment type things…"

"You haven't read the GNN, have you?" I ask incredulously, knowing that much of the news I read was pretty much the same.

"Oh goddesses no," Jill shook her head. "Planeptune has been a nice change of pace from crushing reality and I'm glad I moved here. I don't want to ruin that with hit pieces about some CPU or other going on a murderous rampage. If anything, I want that to be the last thing I see. Least it'll be over quick."

"Jesus fuck." I mutter, before returning to a more normal volume. "Dark much?"

Jill's turn to shrug. "That's the mentality of Glitch City. Hell, I've served a contract killer before. Compared to that, this place is paradise."

I chuckle outwardly. "Tell me about it. In my past life I was a useless sack of shit who drank too heavily, had no job and nothing better to do. Now look at me, I fight alongside physical gods, have something resembling a girlfriend (Jury's still out on that one.) and I'm a fucking _hero!_"

"Really? Seems more like an adventurer for hire to me. Whatever floats your boat." Jill replied simply, before putting out her cigarette on a nearby wall and placing the butt in a nearby bin. "Well, that's break over and done with. You comin'?"

I nodded curtly before following Jill back inside.

* * *

**(Current Music - A Gaze That Invited Disaster - VA11 HALL-A) **

Well, I didn't follow her back behind the bar or anything, just inside in general. I appreciated the fresh air at least. Sitting down slap bang in the middle of the counter, right next to IF again, everyone's drinks were empty. Time for me to go out for that round then.

"I said I'd pay for the next round, right? Good as time as any."

Murmurs of agreement came from the slightly drunk CPUs. Admittedly I was getting tipsy myself, so the alcohol was kicking in at least.

"I'll take the orders separately and charge you when I'm done, then." Jill stated, before cracking her knuckles and preparing to mix drinks and change lives.

I didn't hear the CPUs' orders as I was busy browsing the menu to see what I wanted to drink. A few moments of pondering and somebody tapped me on my left shoulder.

It was IF, of course. "How about we _both_ have a Pile Driver this time around?" Her grin was predatory, but I took that as a challenge. "I mean, unless you want to be beaten by IFWeight…"

This is clearly bait. And I knew I was going to have the hangover of the century, but I'll maliciously comply.

I turned to Jill, a devilish grin plastered across my own face. "Two _large_ Pile Drivers, if you don't mind."

Jill's unreadable expressions remained neutral. "Well, if you were going to order anything stronger, I might have had you sign a waiver, but if it's _just_ a Pile Driver…"

IF's face was as white as a ghost as I turned to her. "Well, you wanted a Pile Driver, _right?_"

The CPUs gathered had quietened down to see this happen. Shit was getting _real_ at this point and we were in the thick of it.

"How about we make this _more_ interesting?" Blanc piped up. "I'll give 1000 Credits to whoever finishes their Pile Driver first."

"Betting? I'll put 500 on Koei! I believe in the protagonist!" Neptune chipped in. I can't tell if she was serious about that.

"Sure. I'll put in 500 myself, I _guess._" Noire, not wanting to be left out, put her metaphorical hat in the ring as well.

"Well, can't be stingy with all the sponsorship money I have from 5pb. I'll throw in… 3000 Credits!" Vert announced, throwing down the proverbial gauntlet to the shock of everyone, including me.

Jill simply whistled in amazement. "So that's 5000 Credits total, huh? That's more than I make on a weekly basis… _after_ expenses. Well, I'll throw in free drinks for the rest of the night to the winner with one caveat; you have to finish the _entire drink._ Spitting it out midway or vomiting it out later is a forfeit."

"And what if we both do that?" I asked quizzically.

"Ehhh. Let's say it was a tie and I don't go bankrupt within the month." Jill replied. "I like living in an apartment."

"Fair enough."

We waited for the twin Pile Drivers to be served as the anticipation built. I prepared my gag reflex for what was about to happen as the bar was silent, aside from the jukebox.

Eventually, the drinks were served. I stared at the concoction, getting the faint aroma of cola, orange juice…

And the distinct tang of rum between all that. Dear god.

"On your marks…" Jill started, as I reached for my glass. IF reached for hers too.

"Get set…" The atmosphere was electric.

"DRINK!" Jill uncharacteristically yelled, as we both started drinking this… Awfully strong drink.

It took all my nerves to not immediately spit it out. I suspect that in sips this drink would be great, but when you're drinking it as fast as possible…

Gah, have to drink faster. Or at least, better. Rhythmic sips to rhythmic slurps as I slowly but surely worked my way down the drink, it overwhelming my other senses as I fought to keep it down.

Eventually I realized after gulping that there wasn't any more of it entering my mouth. Did I…

Placing the glass down on the table with an audible thud, I panted as I took a look at IF, who was leant on the counter with a smug look on her face. "Looks like you're the IFWeight now."

**K.O!**

My pride. My dignity. Those 5000 Credits… They were gone. All gone. But despite all that, despite the woops from those around me, celebrating her victory…

I didn't feel bad. Because it's IF. Breathing a sigh, I patted IF on the back. "Good work. Ya got me." I stated simply. I was defeated in my sport of choice. But I was happy.

"Well, that was exciting." Jill took our glasses and put them under the sink to clean later. "Serious credit to the both of you. Pile Drivers are hard enough to drink normally, never mind quickly."

I chuckled weakly. "Thanks. Just get me a Moonblast to wash it down with, won't you? I don't want the taste of rum and orange in my mouth tomorrow."

Jill visibly froze, blinking. "I uh… Are you sure you don't want the drink to kick in first? T-Tell you what, I'll get you something similar, but without alcohol content. I don't need you falling asleep on the counter when the Pile Driver kicks in."

I shrugged. "Sure. You're the barkeep."

I turned to IF, no longer as smug, but still glowing after her victory. The others were chatting amongst themselves, surprised as I was that I managed to lose in my specialist sport.

"How'd you do it, Iffy? How'd you manage to beat the grandmaster of alcoholism?" I asked her, genuinely curious at this point.

When I didn't receive an answer, I turned to IF, who seemed to be pretty out of it. Something tells me she was about to see why it was called a Pile Driver.

"Might want to make one for Iffy over here too." I pointed to the very unsober girl next to me, chuckling slightly as I felt _something_ leaning against me.

"I uh…" My face slowly turned crimson as I realized who had attached themselves to my left arm.

"Really shouldn't have pushed her so hard, huh?" I ask Jill quietly as not to wake her up. Jill simply responded by putting down the two drinks before leaning over the bar and gently shaking IF awake.

"Zzz…"

Goddammit she's too cute when she sleeps. I wonder what in her dream is making her smile so much, though.

Some more shaking came from Jill, rougher this time.

Eventually, her emerald eyes revealed themselves as she came back to the waking world. "W… wuzzat?" She asked, very tuckered out.

"Drink this," Jill said simply, pushing over the green drink to her. "It might taste like shit, but it'll keep you awake until you find a bed. Same to you, loverboy."

I nodded before taking a drink. Thankfully my gag reflex was still primed from earlier because _HOLY FUCK._ It tasted like energy drink without sugar. Pure, unadulterated sourness complete with enough of a kick to make you fall backwards.

"Phew. You sure you're not just trying to kill me with this?" I half-joked, the alcohol being knocked out of my brain temporarily.

"Nah, murder is bad for business. As is people passing out in my bar, this isn't a bed and breakfast after all." Jill clarified. It seemed that she was very by the books, but still cared about her regulars.

IF spluttered as she took her own sip of her drink. "By Ifrit's left hoof, the _hell_ am I drinking?"

"A Crevice Spike." Jill stated simply. "Perfect drink for a quick sobering up, however temporary that is. Still thought, with the way you were sleeping on Koei's arm, I believe it's time to call it a night. Been a pleasure."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think I have half a bottle of rum to drink on the way back anyway."

This was followed by a smack to the back of the head, courtesy of IF. "Bad Koei."

* * *

We stumbled out of Celestia, good memories in tow and a happy buzz between us all. The CPUs were worse off than IF and I were, but we chugged liquid caffeine before we left, so once that wears off…

"But ya shee," Noire slurred, trying to get some point or other across as we trekked through the Planeptune night. Well, trekked is a bit too optimistic. It's more along the lines of staggering. "Is not that I _hate_ N-n-n-Neptune, but she's just someone I envy sooooo much."

"I knowwww. *hic*." Neptune replied, seemingly completely unaware that she was being referred to in this conversation.

"She's just so carefree an-and *hic* doesn't give a damn what anyone says. Meanwhile I just work my **ass** off, day in day out with absolutely n-no appreciation. *hic*."

I looked back at Noire, who was red-faced and practically leaning on Neptune, who was also swaying at this point. Fucking lightweights.

Blanc and Vert for their part, were far more sober _looking_, but Vert's eyes were acting on their own it seemed and Blanc was Blanc apparently, even while under the influence.

I said nothing on the situation, for I had _plans_ for when we arrived at the Basilicom. Very devious plans.

Feeling IF lean against me again, I gently shoved her back upright. If we get there before I end up having to carry her, that is…

Eventually we did make it to the Basilicom, though I believe the term is barely, as I myself was starting to feel the alcohol creep back into my brain.

Riding up the elevator, we were greeted by Histoire who was… Happy? I could see the sweat running down her tiny face, but aside from that she looked glad.

"A-ah, Koei and the CPUs… I see that the meeting went well?"

I shot a thumbs up. "Pretty much. We might need a place to rest for the night though. Push came to shove and well…" I shook my Iffy covered arm slightly to indicate that the girl was indeed asleep.

"I see. Well, I've had the staff prepare… Oh."

"Oh?" This didn't sound good.

"I only expected five of you to arrive here. With six, this sort of makes things awkward so to speak. And preparing another bed would take at least 3 hours…" Histoire worried her little fairy head.

"Well, two of us will have to buddy up in bed, then." Blanc concurred rather obviously, swaying slightly as the alcohol continued to creep into her bloodstream.

"Nope." I state simply. "I am _not_ someone who shares a bed well." I start blushing heavily. "I also don't think it'd be good for our relationship." I stated far more quietly.

"I volunteer as tribute!" Vert piped up excitedly, scaring the bejeezus out of me and those present. IF was still sleeping soundly, thankfully so bitches did not need to be slapped.

Blanc for her part, was crimson red. Whether that was from rage or embarrassment was difficult to tell, but her eyes may have given it away with them drifting around. "I-I'll sleep with V-Vert, I guess."

I resist the urge to snicker, as that is a very good idea and discouraging that sort of thing could end badly for me in particular.

"Well if there's no disagreements, then I'll show you to the double bed we have set up. D-don't ask about why we have one…" Histoire tried to shove down bad memories as she led the tall and short CPUs to their bedrooms.

Shaking my arm to get IF to wake up and failing, I sighed and dragged her along with me to the kitchen side, the two CPUs awkwardly following behind me. Using my free hand (thankfully it was my stronger arm that was free) to pull out my half full/half empty bottle of rum, I placed it on the side before opening the fridge and grabbing one of the many puddings in there. I could feel Neptune's glare from behind me as I closed the fridge, my sweet treat in hand. Some confuckling around with my free hand and the pudding lid later and I managed to get the bastard thing in a glass. Or at least part of it. Pouring in a smidgen of rum and…

"Behold, a Koei Kombo!" I presented my abomination of science to the two present CPUs… and the dozing Iffy. Neptune for her part was not impressed.

"It looks like shit." the purple pudding protector pronounced. Everyone's a critic, I suppose. "Also didn't you just get done downing Pile Drivers, why are you drinking again?"

"Oh, no reason." I took a drink of my concoction. I forgot to mix it, so it did in fact, taste like shit. Still, it had alcohol. "You want some?"

"N-no…" Neptune hesitated, staring at her desecrated dessert, entangled with the ravaging rum in a tango of terrible taste.

"Look, get sleeping beauty over here off my arm and into a bed and I'll serve us all a Defenstrator. Koei Kombo is stupid, let's name it after what you'll do after drinking it." I offered, as Neptune and Noire positioned themselves to get the dozing Iffy off my arm.

Firm yet gentle grips eventually tore the girl off of my arm, leaving me with two arms once again. Granted, my left arm is fucking _numb_, but at least Iffy would get some rest. And more importantly…

*chug*

Wew, that was going to hurt in the morning. "So, you want some Defenstrators or what?" I turn to the pair of CPUs, who had returned from placing Iffy-san in bed.

I-iffy-san? Okay, I have had too much… Mayybe one between Noire, Neptune and I.

Using the rest of the rum to pour out three equal portions in three different glasses, then poured in the contents of three puddings into each before mixing. (The pudding that was only half desecrated was put into the glass I would give Neptune.)

"Three Defenstrators." I state simply, giving the fuller glass to Neptune and one of the more balanced glasses to Noire. "To uh.. Peace, I guess."

The two present CPUs tilted their heads in confusion. "Shouldn't we wait for Blanc and Vert?" Neptune asked, clearly unaware that this was the last of my rum.

"Well, they're probably fu- sleeping by now. It's been a long day for them both. As it has for all of us. Just consider them here for the sake of the toast…"

I raised my glass. "To peace between CPUs and for me to finally get a fuckin' break!"

"Huzzah!" We chinked before drinking the Defenstrators, choking slightly at the constrasting flavours but ultimately kept it down. Good thing too, I was feeling the alcohol creep back in after earlier.

"P-phew." I breathed a sigh of relief, keeping my balance on the countertop behind me after placing the glass down. "Well, I'll be off. You two try not to murder each other, right?" I stagger off to my previously occupied room, but not before spinning around and stating in no uncertain terms "Oh, and don't even **attempt** to wake me up before noon, on the off chance you manage to wake up in the morning. I plan on role playing as a corpse."

And with that, I fucked off to bed. Hopefully the two of them will be alive tomorrow. I must admit though, these rooms all look identical aside from Neptune's… Uhh, which one did I sleep in aga-

* * *

Ughhhhh. **Ughhhh. KILL ME.**

My head feels like it went ten rounds with a fucking jackhammer, as I slowly regained conciousness. The last thing I recall is making a snarky comment about a corpse, before _attempting _to make it into _a_ bed before… Well, passing out entirely. **Fuck.** Did I at least still have my pants?

Feeling down around my legs, they were still attached and had some form of cloth around them, so that was a yes. Ugh, best try and get up.

Putting my knees up to push myself against the wall, the first thing I noticed is that I was in a double bed, not a single one. Granted, I had slept in a double bed back home, but ever since coming to Gamindustri, I had gotten used to the smaller bedspace. I wasn't sober for most of those anyway.

Wait, why is there a lump next to me? I don't recall hopping into a queen sized bed, let alone…

Very, _very_ carefully lifting the part of the quilt that covered my bedmate, I saw a familiar green hair clip peek out, complete with the brunette hair it was attached to.

Oh god.

**Oh fuck.**

**I AM DEAD.**

Gently placing the quilt back down, I quickly but quietly got myself out of bed, before fixing my end slightly to make it look like Iffy slept alone last night. She went to bed first, she wouldn't be any the wiser and neither will **anybody else.**

Thankfully everything including my gloves and watch were still on me, so- wow, 9:00am sharp? No wonder I feel like my brain is trying to escape through my skull, it's _way_ too early for this shit.

I contemplated for the briefest of moments getting back into bed, then I saw Iffy's hair clip again and decided against it. Whatever rest I would get would be massively counterbalanced by the ass-kicking I would get from her for whatever contrived circumstances she could think of. Not worth it, sadly.

Sneaking out of the room, I breathed a sigh of relief before heading to the kettle. I needed caffeine and fast. Putting the kettle on and placing a teabag in, I also took the time to check my inventory for a Nep Bull. Finding a Nep Bull C (Which I don't _recall_ having before…) and cracking that sucker open, I took a swig and-

Oh _god_ it tastes just like that Crevice Spike I had last night jesus _fuck_. Who makes this shite? Swallowing the bitter drink before shaking my head, I certainly felt far more awake, if not any _better._

Speaking of not feeling better, here's Histoire. "Ah, Koei. I was… **worried** about you after you passed out last night." She stated simply. So _that's _what happened. "Glad to see you up and raring to go so early despite that. I estimated you would be out for at least 3 more hours…"

"I'm honestly more worried about the ass-kicking I would get from IF if I stayed in bed for… _reasons._" I avoided the topic of where and who I slept with last night. The less people know, the lower chance IF **ever** finds out. At the very least I had my pants on.

"IF is a very hard worker, I must concur." Histoire completely ignored my implication, thankfully as the kettle dinged behind me. Turning around to finish off the tea, Histoire flew up to within my vision again. "Unfortunately, you will not be able to enjoy today off, as I had wanted you to." Histoire had an apologetic tone for once, which was odd.

"Huh, what's up?" I say, taking a sip of my te- OW HOT, HOT HOT. Putting it down before I drop the damn mug. "Don't tell me the Citizen's Group is at it again."

"I wish. Another rift has opened up and unfortunately… Well, it was a _big_ one to say the least. It appears an Elder Dragon has appeared and is rampaging around the outskirts of Planeptune. If it is allowed to roam freely, it could be here in Planeptune within 3 days…"

I felt the blood drain from my face. "That… That is **not **good." I grabbed my mug of tea and downed it, scalding hot water be damned, I needed some blood flow,

I could see the sweatdrop on Histoire's face. "Y-Yes. Elder Dragons h-have been extinct since the Age of Heroes, hundreds if not _thousands_ of years ago. This is rather worrying, as it shows that the rate and severity of rifts are steadily increasing and we still have no idea where they come from, let alone how to deal with them."

Shit is going _down._ But my curiosity was piqued. "Age of Heroes?"

Histoire's face lit up. "Oh! Yes, the Age of Heroes! Back before CPUs were the world leaders they are, the world was a much more dangerous place. A place like Planeptune couldn't exist back then, due to our world being seperated due to the rampaging monster population."

I took this opportunity to grab a chair. Important lore dump, go!

"However, one day, four powerful people appeared, each weilding a different artifact of great power. While their names have been lost to the sands of time, as even **I** wasn't created back then, their deeds remain some of Gamindustri's finest work. Though most of it is more than likely embellished to make them seem greater than they are…"

"So, did people put faith in these heroes?"

"Yes. Their artifacts seemed to grow more powerful when people believed in their strength. They even defeated the Deity of Sin when it first appeared… At the cost of their own lives. Their legacy and artifacts is all that remains of them, unfortunately. In a sense, they did pave the way for CPUs to rise and be able to finally form the Nations. That's how the Age of Heroes went, anyway."

Huh, fascinating. "So what's with their artifacts, then?" I leaned back in my chair, curious about these items, wondering if I could somehow use them in the future.

"Ah, the artifacts are well documented, at least as far as the Pre-CPU Age of Gamindsutri goes. The Ring of Continual Progression, the Gauntlet of Fiery Passion, the Buckler of Graceful Hurricanes… And the Blade of Frozen Serenity."

My eyes widened as I took Serenity out of my inventory. It seemed to glow in the morning light, almost confirming that it was the same sword. "Histoire… is this?"

She nodded. "The very same. The Blade of Frozen Serenity was found a few weeks ago after being missing for several decades. It was taken to the nearest Guild that happened to be in Toadstool Town, near where your rift opened. For some reason, I had a feeling about that rift in particular, and sent IF to investigate in Lowee. After the clerk saw you registering, both IF and I knew we had to entrust you with it, lest it fell into the wrong hands again."

I tilted my head in confusion. "Uh, you? Trust me? With a legendary, ancient weapon wielded by someone clearly far more worthy of it than I would ever be?"

Histoire giggled slightly at my apprehension. "Oh Koei, heroes aren't born. The wielder of Serenity didn't just _become_ the Deity of Sin slayer they were simply by existing. They protected the snowy wastelands of what would be Lowee with an enchanted icicle made by a blacksmith there. As they grew in strength, so did Serenity. Eventually they became intertwined to the point where the ancient hero is sometimes mistakenly called Serenity rather than the sword."

I nodded. "I… I see. You still _trust_ me with this though, right? I don't think I can look at it the same way anymore…"

"I only told you because the truth would have came out eventually. I always intended for you to come here Koei. As a tome, it helps to keep all my assets in one general area."

I shudder at the book fairy's manipulation. The game was fucking rigged, even before I got hit by the truck. "Well played Histoire. Well played." I get up, a new wave of determination flowing over me. "Now excuse me, I have some unrelated fustration I need to vent through a fucking Elder Dragon!"

I ran to the elevator, taking out Serenity before it closed and striking a heroic pose. "For the Hero! **For Gamindustri!**" I announced, before the door closed… On Serenity, forcing me to press the "Open" button before putting it away to avoid a similarly embarrassing incident.

* * *

The morning light struck me like a hammer as I walked out of the Basilicom, the crowds being dense, but not so dense as not to be able to move around in as I headed to the local Guild. Hey, if any place had the exact location of this Elder Dragon, it'd be there.

Eventually navigating my way there, I found that it was strangely packed. Seems I wasn't the only one who heard about the Elder Dragon. Still, no one in the queue, so…

"Hey, do you have any quests relating to an Elder Dragon or something?"

The guild clerk looked me up and down and simply stated "Not for you." before trying to shoo me away.

Man, what an asshole. Still, probably dealing with bad eggs all day. Finding my Staff ID in my inventory, I pulled it out and showed it to the clerk. "Planeptune Staff ID, I'm on a mission from the Oracle herself." Well, that was a bit of a lie, but she _told_ me about it, so…

Her eyes lit up as she ID I literally just use for getting in and out of the Basilicom. "O-oh, you're Koei! Let me just add the Quest to your UI Gloves…" Pressing a few buttons on her end of the counter, I heard a beep from my UI Gloves. Opening them, it showed a large red dot a few minute's walk away from Planeptune, presumably where the Dragon was going to be.

"Thank you." I simply said, before taking my leave. I wasn't going to _quite_ yet, because for once in my life, I'm thinking ahead.

Ah the item store, the place where I'd usually partake in booze, but for today I require healing items. A lot of them, more than likely. Checking the general heal item section, I find a few new items in stock. I pretty much grabbed anything that _looked_ useful. Nep Bull Cs, Healing Pods, Panaceas, even a Life Fragment or two. Oh and SP Chargers. I know I have that skill that restores SP when I drink, but this is more for future potential allies than me.

Speaking of, I bought two cases of Leanbox Bottled Beer as well. Strong Liver is a _hell_ of a trait and the alcohol content per drink should be low enough where I don't end up passing out after one or two. Probably.

* * *

Still, that left me with… 5000 Credits, what the fuck? I know I got paid, but this is _ridiculous_. Oh well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I did buy a new bracelet back in Leanbox, so armor wasn't needed anyway. I breathed a sigh, before heading back out of the story. No more dancing around the large, Elder Dragon shaped issue, I guess.

You know, it's been a while since I went off on my own to do a Quest. Hell, it's been a while since I've done a Quest, nevermind on my own. Following my GS toward the objective, I realized I could see a very large figure off in the distance. Certain that I could in fact, not lose track of this thing on my way there, I turned off the map and briskly jogged towards the figure, determination in my soul and alcohol in my bloodstream.

Yeah, I'm still _pretty wasted_ from last night. Inhibitions are for _sober people_. Right now I had a dragon to slay.

Still, that dragon seemed to be… Staggering? Was someone attacking it? **Is that motherfucker trying to steal my kill?**

Recklessly charging forward until I got within casting distance (So what, 50 meters?), I spotted the figure and… Oh _fuck._

"Inhibitions are for sober people" my **ass**, this aura I'm feeling is making me want to go in the other direction and not look back. **And this isn't even from the dragon**, as I found out when the figure three-point landed right next to me.

Terrifying aura aside, she looked like a CPU alright. Long flowing hair, skimpy spandex (Somehow even worse than even Green Heart) with an accenting colour (A sort of iris/magenta colour?) and thigh high boots. All this wrapped up with a sword that _looked_ a bit like Serenity, but on closer inspection was segmented, for _some_ reason.

I don't know, this woman was giving me _run the __**fuck**_ _away_ vibes, but I couldn't just let her steal all the gl- fight this dragon alone now, could I?

She blinked, reminding me that my power of monologue narration doesn't affect time, sadly. I simply tossed her a Nep Bull C and she chugged it appreciably.

Despite my fear, I managed to say something. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." I stated simply, before pulling out Serenity and pointing it towards the Elder Dragon. "And this fucko is _no friend_ of mine!"

Seeming to get the message, the woman gave a grin that reminded me of a slasher movie. "My my, eager to have some fun, are we? Let's begin."

**Koei and ?**

**Vs.**

**Elder Dragon**

**Ready? FIGHT!**

**(Current Music: Dancing Girl - Lunar Tendencies Metal Cover)**

The strange and dangerous woman charged towards the aging dragon, prompting it to try and slash her, but missed as she used the chance to wrap her sword around its arm… Wait, what?

I shook my head. I could question what she was using later. Right now I had to **fight.** I charged myself, taking advantage of the distraction to shove Serenity right into the dragon's greying scales, causing a roar of pain even if Serenity bounced right off. Some of its natural protection had come off at least, so-

Woah! Scarecly dodging the dragon's clawed foot, I ended up to the left of it, barely able to see my initial attack on it. Perhaps if…

"**FROSTBLAST!" **I yelled, catching the dragon's attention as it turned around, somewhat disorientating the woman who was trying to keep a hold of it's right arm as a familiar shot of magic hit it right in its leg., causing it to freeze over and trap the dragon where it was. At least, that's what I thought would happen.

As I casually approached the dragon, the clawed foot suddenly burst out of its icy tomb and caught me square in the face, causing me to go flying as I felt immediate pain. After taking a moment or two to reorient myself, I felt my face and- yup, that was blood. Now I'm angry.

Chugging a Healing Pod to try and stop the bleeding, I charged back into the fray as the unknown CPU struggled to stay on her target, let alone cut into its arm with her untraditional choice of weapon. I for my part, took advantage of the distraction once again as I used my ingenuity to exploit my newest tactic.

"**Airshot!"** I realized at this point that the less time I spent on announcing my spell, the more chance I had to catch my foe by surprise, as I launched up directly to its face. Perfect. Grabbing its left horn, it left me with a perfect opportunity to strike right where it was weakest.

**STAB!**

Deafening roars of pain threw me off the dragon, causing me to fall on my back pretty painfully as I felt some weight on Serenity. Turning to my right, I saw the red eyeball, bleeding profusely looking back at me.

If I wasn't so impressed by the fact I managed to tear an eyeball from an Elder Dragon, I might have been terrified by it. It was also bleeding quite a bit onto the grass below me, so with much pain I got back up, before using my foot as a counterweight to pull the offending iris off of Serenity. Or pull Serenity out of it, whatever. Either way the eyeball went into my inventory. If it didn't sell for much at the very least I could use it as proof that I helped kill it. Or as a morbid decoration piece.

"Ugh!" Came a grunt of pain as my new ally landed on her face next to me. "B-bastard dragon." she struggled to get up as it approached. Despite losing depth perception, it still had very cleary goals in mind for the both of us, as it reared its head back, orange particles surrounding its now open mouth.

Oh.

**Fuck.**

WIth my ally down and very little time to formulate a plan, I breathed. And breathed. And breathed. I needed to focus and gather my strength. The world seemed to fall away as I entered this state of alcohol and panic fueled zen.

An orb appeared before, as white as snow in this void. Could it be?

**It seems you have need of my power.**

What? Who are you?

**I am the Hero of Lowee, the original wielder of Serenity. I find it ironic that someone of your temperament now wields it, but I'll let that slide.**

O… K…?

**This is the last of my Faith. I believe it is called Share Energy now? Regardless, it is up to you to continue my- no, Serenity's legacy. It is time to push your limit, Hero. Unleash your power! FOR LOWEE!**

The world came back into focus as Serenity shone with the brightness of hope. I can't describe it in any other way. Not even the sun could compare to this incandescent power that Serenity now had.

But most of all, I had **that** feeling. The turning point of the fight. The part in anime where the music swells as you see the hero finally realize their true potential.

It's time to embrace that destiny.

* * *

**I'LL CHALLENGE ALL MY LIMITS**

**KNOWING THAT THIS COULD BE MY ONLY CHANCE NOW**

**TO OVERCOME THIS FATE THAT HAS COME OVER ME!**

* * *

I charged at the Elder Dragon with all my strength, unleashing an Airshot beneath my feet as I rose above the dragon, the sun directly behind me as I shoved Serenity down into its other eye, tearing it out and throwing it aside, before using its back as a slide, making sure that Serenity was slicing all the way down it. To further ensure that this Dragon would die horribly, I charged up Serenity for one final attack. One I had never cast before. But I have faith in my abilities to do this.

"May your corpse remain frozen for generations! **GLACIAL CLEAVE!**" I yelled triumphantly, as the skies opened up and a blizzard surrounded the Elder Dragon, slowly freezing its body as I prepared myself for the finishing blow. Once it was completely immobile, I simply walked up to the ice block and slashed it once with Serenity across the middle diagonally. After a flourish with my blade, I turned around and snapped my fingers, to which the ice obeyed physics and separated, slicing the dragon in two before it faded into data.

Serenity's light stopped, as the world seemed to return to normal and exhaustion suddenly hit me. Collapsing onto one knee, I tried to use the last of my strength to find a healing potion from the UI gloves, but to no avail. I couldn't even open it, as I was that weak. Blood was splattered all over the field as I coughed up some fresh blood onto the ground in front of me. That can't be good, ha. I chuckled weakly to myself as I take stock of the situation.

Whatever that attack was, it took all I had and _then_ some. My UI Gloves dinged, but I couldn't check them. As my knee finally gave out, I collapsed onto my side, my vision went blurry as the feeling of oblivion crept over me once.

The CPU for her part, was back up and looking for me in a panic. As she approached me, holding one arm in pain, she got on one knee herself. I couldn't hear her anyway, but the last thing I felt before finally passing out was _something_ lifting me off the blood soaked ground.

One kind turn deserves another, I suppose.

But that's hero work for you. You don't do good things for the money or fame. You do it because having extra help on fighting a fucking Elder Dragon is always welcomed.

And I guess I finally embraced that destiny thing Neptune told me about.

I smiled to myself as the last dredges of consciousness left me. I was having that day off after all, Histoire. Even if it wasn't in the way I expected.

* * *

**Checkpoint!**

**Koei has learned [Glacial Cleave] (EXE Skill)**

**Koei is now level 17.**

**Koei's Lily Ranks:**

**IF (Drinking Buddy/Girlfriend(?)), Neptune (Sensei), Histoire (Supervisor), Nepgear (Casual Colleague), Compa (Local Patcher-Upper), Noire (Business Casual), Uni (Neutral), Kei (Business As Usual), Vert (Fellow Tea Drinker of Culture), Blanc (Hated No Longer), Rom (Kute Kid), Ram (REDACTED), Mina (Neutral), 5pb. (Casual Fan), Cave (Mutual Respect), Nisa (Fellow Drinker and Champion of Justice), Jill (Not-So-Kindly Barkeep), Linda ("Arch Nemesis"), Anonydeath (Unknown), Rei (GReitful)**

**? (Sadistic F(r)iend)**

**Hero of Lowee (Succeeded By A Sociopath With A Spellblade)**

**Save Progess? *Y/N**

* * *

**A/N: **Holy. Fuck. That was a few bombshells, weren't it? I'll admit, one of two of these plot points (Serenity being an ancient weapon and the whole Elder Dragon bit) were kina _made up the night before?_

I get that I'm veering towards Marty Stu territory with this, but I wanted to show that Koei is starting to get this idea of being the Hero/Protagonist, rather than just some dude who happens to use a spellblade. _Development!_

Also yes, the mysterious ally _is in fact, Iris Heart_ if you couldn't guess. I've been building up to this since Anonydeath's introduction. As for why she was so weakened in the fight against the Elder Dragon? Well, that will be explained next time, along with a few other things. (Maybe.)

So remember when Neptune hinted last chapter that _shit was going down?_ This is the start of that. We'll see what is behind these dimensional rifts soon, I suppose.

Also I guess it's _kinda bullshit_ for Koei to learn his EXE Skill at Level 15, but Nepgear doesn't learn hers in Re;Birth 2 until she has the power of Friendship or some shit, so I think that Koei learning about the ancient heroes and being pushed to his limit _with that knowledge_ would trigger something within him.

Yes, I am implying _something_ with that. Much like most things in this train-wreck, I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but we'll see if I want to over-complicate this even more.

Anyway, until next time, sobriety is overrated!


	17. Peace and Tranquillity

**Nepstation Intro**

Welcome back to Nepstation. I'm Koei, and I'm legally dead!

Koei! I told you not to spoil the readers!

Oh shut it Neptune, they all know I die at the end. It's how every isekai goes, right?

… They die at the **beginning**, numbnuts. I thought you were a weeb?

Not in this story I'm not. Mostly. I know it's a self-insert, but if I referenced anime half as much as the author does, this story would be unbearable.

You mean even more unbearable than it is? That's a shock.

Alright, enough meta humor, the author has mail to read!

**Alfaomega2000:** Two words for you. **NO U.**

**Blaze2121: **Never played Trillion, any reference to that was accidental. I just wanted Koei to fight a dragon, but not a "prime" dragon so to speak. So what could be better than an old man dragon that while weakened by time, can still kick your ass?

As for future crossovers, I'm saving those for references. I have _a plan_, but that's way later in the story and will be highly relevant to the plot. Or something like that.

**EnderSoul1401:** Well, if you noticed earlier in Chapter 11, Anonydeath's log notes that there are _two more_ Nations in Hyperdimension. So unfortunately, no 'Nam flashbacks for Iffy-kun unless I want to create _more_ plotholes.

(Speaking of plotholes, nobody noticed that Koei went the entirely wrong way towards Lastation in Chapter 5. The dumbass author said he was going _North West._ Looking at a map recently, that puts him far, _far_ away from Lastation. Oops. thought that Lowee was just east of Lastation.)

Also yes, the drunken shenanigans will resume at some point. We got heavy plot things to deal with this chapter. Koei almost fuckin' died. Again.

**Blackswordgames:** I mean, a sober Koei is a _bad_ Koei, obviously.

Wow, that was… mail.

Aye, it was. Well, time to get on with the chapter, dont'cha think, Ko-Ko?

Fuck off.

* * *

You know, hell isn't _that_ bad once you get down to it. I mean sure, it's an endless abyss of unfeeling torment, but this wasn't the hellfire infused clusterfuck I was promised in Sunday School. I'm almost disappointed, honestly…

I'm in Purgatory, aren't I?

_Brave Hero, can you hear me?_

I can't hear shit, but I can… Read whatever you sent to my mind.

… _Good enough. I am the former Goddess of this world and I have come to congratulate you on your achievement._

If you mean fucking dying then I think you have a line of people to "congratulate" first.

I could hear the voice sigh in frustration at my backchat.

_N-Not that, brave Hero, Your accomplishment of defeating an Elder Dragon. Dragons are the most dangerous creatures in Gamindustri, and you defeating one-_

With help.

… _Screw it, I don't have time for your shit. Elder Dragons are far weaker than prime dragons due to their senility. Even so, they are massive threats to Gamindustri, so you defeating one, while not a godlike feat, is the first step in becoming as legendary as the Heroes._

Yes but… I don't particularly care about that?

… _You're serious? You have Serenity for My sake, why do you not- oh Me dammit, I have the wrong protagonist again, don't I?_

I'd shrug if I could feel anything, miss…?

_Chrome. Regardless, I'm dimensionally challenged as of now, so I cannot lend you direct aid. Just know that one of the great Artifacts is in danger and you are the only one who can- You're not listening, are you?_

I would if I gave a shit. I nearly died via a frigging old man dragon. Whoever is trying to endanger an Artifact has to be as strong, if not stronger. Screw **that** noise, lady, I'm retiring.

Silence. Finally, I can have a frigging eternity to myself.

_But what would IF think of you if you gave up?_

Son of a… Fine, I'll do your fuckin' Hero work.

_Excellent. You will reemerge from your coma soon, Hero. Best of luck…. And __**try**_ _not to die. I can only hold off the Goddess of the Afterlife for so long._

_Chrooomeeeeey! I hear some brave hero dieeeed!_

_Shite. Go, go!_

* * *

Ugh… The hell was that fever dream? Pretty sure that was a hallucination caused by severe blood loss and partial insanity via drinking way too much.

Still, I was alive… Somehow. I guess that CPU brought me back to Planeptune? I was tucked underneath a quilt, so I was apparently in bed. Despite this, I could see right outside the window to the glorious Planeptune morning. It _was_ morning, right?

Fuck, my watch is on the bedside table. But I still feel so weak. I suppose I could rest for a while.

… God this is boring. Too weak to even get out of bed, my gloves are tantalizing out of reach and worst of all, I feel _sober_ again. Ah, crushing reality. I didn't miss you at all!

Still, it gives me time to recollect. Let's see, I fought a dragon, passed out in a pool of my own blood, talked to a former goddess, woke up here…

Wait, former goddess? Her name was… Chrome, right? And she mentioned something about one of the Artifacts being in danger? Man, if only I had some form to convey all this information. Maybe a website to upload this story?

Nah, that's ludicrous. Nobody would read this shite, let alone believe it. Oh well, alone with my thoughts isn't _so_ bad. It's much, much worse.

Hearing a door open, I turned my head towards it, to see somebody I didn't recognize.

She looked tired, but her magenta eyes shone with happiness, along with a hidden malice. Her messy, purple hair flowed down most of her petite body, all wrapped up with a ponytail ending at around her waist. Her dress was very frilly and lose, containing bows of all kinds and her sleeves flowed loosely. Thigh high socks were complemented by… Slippers? What? In her arms, she hugged a plush of me. A very adorable plush of me.

"Oh, you're awake!~" The girl said, her sleepy voice still had that incandescent happy aura about her, reminding me of Neptune's attitude, as she squeezed the plush of me harder. I didn't know how to feel about that.

"I uh… Who in the fuck?" I state the most obvious question on my mind. I do not have the energy for manners at the moment, please try again **never.**

For her part, she tilted her head in confusion. "You don't recognize me, K-k-ko-koeh-"

I stop her sad attempt at pronouncing Koei. "Just call me whatever."

The girl beamed. "Okay, **Koppey!** I'm Plutia~!"

Plutia, huh? I mean, Neptune is a planet back home, as was Pluto… We don't talk about Pluto.

Oh right, my new nickname. It was fine, I guess. Between Ko-Ko and Koppey I guess I liked Koppey a bit more. (That's pronounced Cope-Ey, by the way, not Cop-ey)

"Well Pluta, who the hell are you and what are you doing in my room?" I ask bluntly. Once again, manners take energy, a resource I am lacking.

Plutia tilted her head again. "You don't recognize me? Did you hit your head? We fought together three days ago against that meanie dragon."

My brain grinded to a halt. _The fuck._ "Wait, so you're that weirdo with the whip-sword _as well_ _as _this sleepy ball of adorable?" Oops, that kind of slipped out.

Plutia giggled. "Of course, silly. Who do you think brought you back to the Basilicom after you passed out in a pool of your own blood and piss?"

"I did not need to know that last part." I state simply. Seems I really did a number on myself. Pluta approached me, placing the plush of me on the bed.

"This is for you." I took the plush gratefully, admiring the craftsmanship of it. It was me all right. Dirty blonde hair all in a mess, sapphire blue eyes staring back at me with a nonplussed look on my face, my Planeptune getup had a radiant purple magnificence to it. Hell, she even took the effort to stitch on some fingerless gloves to the stubby hands.

"This is… beautiful." I cuddled the soft plush, feeling my cheeks burn as I appreciated the nigh-perfect design of it.

Plutia giggled again. "Thank you, Koppey! I put three days of work into it just for you. I was really worried when Histy told me you might not make it, but you pulled through somehow!"

Protagonist Aura paying dividends again, I guess. Can I even die, or is this cursed thing going to keep bringing me back from the brink? I was content with dying right then and there after defeating the Elder Dragon. Maybe it was because it was the closest I felt to death since coming here?

I looked at the doll, reminding me of who I am. This facade, this persona I've built up for myself means nothing in a fight. I'm just a guy who happens to have a magic sword. I'm no deity.

Hell, I'm no Hero. People keep shoving this thesis about legendary Heroes on me and I just can't gel with it. All these expectations are only now crashing into me as I realize what people think I am against what I truly am.

Heh. I was always a disappointment in life. Let's see if I can turn that around now that I have a second chance.

"Thank you Plutia." I state, genuine happiness in my voice for the first time in awhile as I realized what I must do. "Not just for the plush, but for saving me back there. I overestimated my limit. I shouldn't have charged in needlessly like I did."

Plutia for her part was confused. "O...k? I'll leave to rest, Koppey. I think there's something wrong with your head." and with that, she did leave me with the plush of me.

It was hella cute. If I didn't have such a low opinion of myself, I'd say it matched my handsomeness perfectly to boot. But I'm no harem protagonist, so I'll just stick with calling it "hella cute."

Still though, I hope the others are alright. If I recall, we all got pretty wasted that night, _along with probably scaring them half to death with my almost-corpse._

I'd get up, but I still felt too weak. This was nothing like my stint in Lastation. God, I feel like I broke something inside. Definitely won't be using… What was it, Glacial Cleave? That, probably. But yes, I think I'll use that in nothing less than a life-or-death situation. Takes too much out of me to be useful in a normal scrap.

Ugh, I feel so useless. How do I regain my energy while in this stupid state, anyway? I need a Nep Bull. Or even just a drink in general.

_Knock, knock_

"Ko-Ko? I heard from Plu-Plu that you're awake! May I come inside?" Compa's voice came from the other side of the door.

Huh, I just realized that Plutia didn't even knock. How rude of her. "Yeah, come on in." I say, barely able to get my voice to reach outside the door. A moment later, Compa entered with her usual getup, though her face definitely had more worry in it than before. Unsurprising, considering my current state.

Despite this, she gave off a weak smile. "Glad to see you're awake. We were all pretty worried when Plu-Plu brought you back, since you had so much blood on you and you reallly smelled of p-"

"Y-yes, I get it." I mumble noncommittally, blushing as I looked away.I _really _hope IF didn't see me in that state…

"Anyway, since you're up, I can give you this!" Compa pulled a can out of… _somewhere_. She doesn't even have pockets, how the fu-

She handed me the can, which was somehow chilled. _FURTHER QUESTIONS ARE RAISED_, but I ignored them in favour of inspecting the can itself. "Nep Bull EX", it announced proudly. The weirdest part though, was that _that was it_ in terms of decor. It was just a solid silver can with those words written on via marker.

"This is going to kill me, isn't it?" I stared at the nurse, who didn't really seem to get the danger I'm feeling from this mysterious can.

"It's just a prototype Nep Bull EX?" Compa adorably tilted her head. Oh you naive child. Still…

"Prototype? As in, still in development? And you're giving this to someone who can scarcely move."

Compa for her part, finally got the idea that I was suggesting. "O-OH! I'm not using you as a test subject, Ko-ko! It's only a prototype because the data needs to be finalized before it can be mass produced, but it's _completely safe._" She tried to assure me, but it was sort of falling apart.

On the other hand, this was the only road I had, so I cracked open the can, took a deep breath and…

_Sip_

…

…

This is just a fucking Nep Bull. All that buildup for the same sour, caffeine filled garbage? I'd be disappointed if I didn't need it to recover my strength.

Placing the drink near my UI Gloves, I then realized that without thinking that I had managed to move my arm more than I could before. I can't tell if this is some sort of placebo because of my preconceived notions on Nep Bull or if it's actually working.

Compa clapped her hands together excitedly. "Yay! I told you it'd work, Ko-ko! Just don't do anything rash for a while, okay?" Compa then left the fucking room. I suppose it's a bit much to ask for a nurse to check my vital signs or anything like that, _right?_

Whatever, I hate needles so any excuse to not have blood samples taken is a good one. Plus apparently this world has Bullshit Magic Healing Potions, so I guess I can't grumble too much.

Still, with some strength restored, I could try and get up, right?

Finally getting some feeling within my legs, I pushed upwards so my back was against the frame, giving me a better angle to view the room my knees now tucked, I could spin around to my right and…

Oh god, I'm not wearing pants. My bare legs stared back at me, being exposed to the air for the first time in a while. I suppose that's better than the alternative of still having that bloody clothing on, but this is still a yikes.

I had to persevere. Placing my feet on the carpet, I forced myself to slowly, but surely stand up. It's amazing how something so simple, something you don't even _think_ about can be such a big step when you've been bedridden and comatose. Taking a victorious drink of Nep Bull, I finally put on my UI Gloves and watch.

Able to navigate the menus, albeit slowly, I found my suit that I bought from Leanbox and equipped it. As smooth as ever. That and it just felt nice to have clothes that weren't boxer shorts on again.

Stretching myself out, I did feel somewhat better, but I don't think I'd be leaving… Wherever I am anytime soon. Still, I do feel like I need a walk.

Taking a look back at my bed, indented with my body, I took a few moments to remake it for whoever was going to rest here. Even if it was me. I also took a moment to hug the plushie of me, because I'm insecure and it is a _hella cute_ plushie. So cute that I put it in my inventory for later use.

Grabbing my nigh-unlabelled can of Nep Bull and opening my inventory again, there was something off. Obviously my clothes weren't in there, they had to be washed or replaced, but it felt like a part of me was missing.

Shaking my head, I walked out of the door. It was probably nothing.

* * *

Oh. I was in the Basilicom this whole time? I guess that works out. Looking around, it was surprisingly desolate. The only people I could see around were Compa and Histoire. Neither of them seemed to see me, so I walked a bit closer and eavesdropped on their conversation.

"He looks to be doing fine, if a bit on the weak side." Compa explained. "He's still got a bad case of Mana Burnout, but that's to be expected from what Plu-Plu told me."

Histoire nodded solemnly. "I see. Then he'll be out of commission for how long?"

Compa shook her head. "It's not that simple. Mana Burnout has a different effect on different people. Some people just naturally regain their SP over time. Some others lose the ability to regenerate naturally and have to rely on Nep Bull and SP Chargers directly. The most severe cases lose the ability to use Mana entirely. So far, Ko-Ko's case doesn't look to be that severe, but he'll be unable to cast any spells for a while."

Histoire put a hand to her small fairy chin. "So, what do we do about Serenity?"

…

Oh fuck, I forgot I didn't have Serenity on hand. I had it when I collapsed… Didn't I?

"Aside from making sure Ko-Ko doesn't get his hands on it again until he's healed up, we should be fine." Compa pondered aloud. But why? Obviously I'm injured, weak and would take the first chance I would ge to suicidally charge whatever threat was looming on the horizo-

You know they may have a point. Still, keeping me in the dark like this is rather rude. I would understand if they just _said. _

Still, time to make myself lickiety gone. As I was hiding in a doorway, all I had to do is turn around and slip in here for a bi-

"Hey."

JESUS FUCK IFFY. Stumbling over my feet, the Guild member quickly grabbed me before I could attract Histoire's or Compa's attention as she dragged me into the room before closing the door.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" IF hissed at me, some annoyance in her voice. "You're barely up and about and you're _already_ causing trouble again?"

"I can explain." I put a finger to her soft lips. I quiver a bit, but persevere. "I simply walked in on them talking about me. Instead of interrupting them, I decided to be polite and let them talk."

IF removed my finger from her lips. "Annnd to learn about where they put Serenity?"

I shrugged "Well if they wanted to be so _polite…_"

IF shook her head in response. "I'm not telling you either. That was a hell of a stunt you pulled and while I'm glad you're okay…"

IF followed up by slugging me in the face. Girl has a hell of an arm. Also **ow.**

"_That_ was for going off on your own and almost getting yourself killed. Also despite the fact that both Gear and I told you that dragons were the most dangerous creatures in Gamindustri you _still _charged in on your own."

My face still aching, I nursed it with a hand while attempting to justify myself. "Well, I don't think my injury was _entirely_ by the dragon. Compa and Histoire were talking about something called Mana Burnout and I did somehow accidentally "talk" to the "Hero of Lowee" before unleashing Serenity's power… I think."

IF blinked. "That lines up with what Plutia told us. You used a particularly powerful skill then collapsed after defeating the dragon. Taking that hit from it probably didn't help either, even if it _is_ an improvement on your usual look."

I wanted to slap her silly for such a casual comment, but I figured I needed to be taken down a peg. Plus that did get pretty heavy, so I appreciate the mood shift.

"Still, I got this cute plush!" I pulled the plushie of myself out of the inventory to show it to IF, who… Immediately took it and squeezed it hard.

"He's so damn _cute!_" IF squeed at my smaller, cuddlier form. I was almost jealous of the lucky bastard.

Staring for a moment longer at that adorable smile of hers, I stand corrected. I am **extremely** jealous of that lucky bastard. Almost fuming. Damn you Plutia! Stop stealing my girlfriend with your objectively cuter version of me!

"Something tells me you prefer the plush over me." I say somewhat dejectedly, my mood soured by this turn of events. "First I nearly lost my life, then I ended up losing my weapon, the legacy I was meant to carry from the Hero of Lowee themselves… Am I losing you too?"

IF put the plush down before hugging me suddenly in response to my sudden depressive state, shocking me to my core. "I know it's rough, Koei. It's been rough on us all. I spent all night at Celestia after I saw you in that state. I just… Couldn't stand seeing you in such a way."

I blinked. This was… Strangely honest for IF. Maybe it's because we're in a closed off room? Then again, I couldn't imagine seeing someone you cared for in such a state…

No. I could. I went through what IF went through once. I can't just bury that painful memory.

I squeezed IF back, prompting a yelp from her. I didn't care. I just needed her warmth for a moment.

…

Yeah. Okay. I feel better now. Patting IF on the back before letting her go, I felt my cheeks burn as I looked back at her, cheeks burning just as red.

"So uh… I did miss you…" I admit sheepishly. Honestly, between passing out three days ago and now feels just like a little nap. So maybe that made my confession a little bit of a lie?

IF's face didn't change, so I assume she bought it either way, I took the chance to exit from this awkward situation, making doubly sure to take that cursed plush with me.

Maybe I could ask Plutia to make an Iffy plush for me?

… I mean, I _don't mind_ her having a plush of me if I had one of her. Is that so wrong?

* * *

I've never really _explored_ the Basilicom before, despite crashing here maybe one too many times already. Still, lovely place despite the desolation. Neptune's room was predictably covered in the desecrated corpses of her enemies. And what I mean by that is pudding cups. **Everywhere.** I'm pretty sure I saw a few on the _ceiling_, somehow. God only knows how the fuck the maids clean that.

Still, leaving that burning trash fire of a bedroom behind, Nepgear's room was far less messy. However that came with the caveat of her having a worryingly high number of beam swords, some glowing, some not and some in pieces. Nepgear herself seemed invested in her current project, molesting the everloving crap out of yet another beam swo- nope, it's a gun. Who gave this girl a _gun?_

Sneaking in, I stood behind Nepgear as I observed her work. They were a pair of pistols, apparently. Heavily modified pistols, but pistols nonetheless. Ivory white plating covered the guns, with that iconic purple N of Planeptune being decaled onto the handle for a nice change of colour. They were eye-catching to say the least. Really though, aside from the appearance (and a worrying purple glow from beneath the barrel that seemed to be some sort of ribbed battery), they were ordinary pistols.

Honestly, it was almost disappointing with the crazy technology of Planeptune. Hell, even Gamindustri in general.

"Finally." I mutter, forgetting that I came in uninvited and was peeping on the scientist. "Some fuckin' normalcy in this hole."

Nepgear was understandably shocked, if the wrench nearly smacking me clean across the face with it was _any indication._

"G-goodness! Koei! Did I hurt you?" Nepgear's shock turned to jelly, like her nerves apparently.

"Nah, just spooked me with that wrench." I rubbed my head sheepishly. "Just bored. Got up, don't have my sword, too weak to do anything but talk to people."

Nepgear's eyes lit up. Oh god. "Then would you mind testing these out for me? I'm not good with guns that aren't attached to swords, you see." Nepgear's turn to rub her head sheepishly. "So, would you mind?"

I shrug. "Never used a gun in my life, let's see if I manage to kill myself with a rcoochet." I half-joked, knowing from gaming experience how bad bullets can actually be for living.

Nepgear clapped her hands together, ignoring my half-hearted dark joke. "Excellent! Let's go to the firing range, then!" Wait, what?

Nepgear walked over to a panel, punching a few numbers in before the wall opened up to reveal far, _far_ more than meets the eye for her room. Following her in, the new room was much bigger and far less lit than the bedroom, giving the room an unsettling aura. Still, there was in fact, a dedicated area for weapon testing as she said. Complete with blast shields on either side of it and a target several meters down the line, between the two. It's very clear that this has been used a bit, judging by the holes and burn marks littered across the DIY "range".

Still, it was fine for our purposes, I suppose. Taking the guns from Nepgear, I felt the weight the weight of the ivory firearms at last, along with the cool metal of the plating. If nothing else, these contrasted well with the suit I had on and I must have looked dope as _hell_.

Still, I had a job to do. Giving a pistols a quick twirl, I aimed them at the general area of the target and squeezed the triggers.

_PEW!_

Yes, they actually made a fucking _pew_ noise. Not what I expected from pistols. Purple energy shots threw themselves at the target, leaving pretty nasty burn marks when they hit, along with a bullet hole each.

I turned to Nepgear, who's incandescent beam was almost blinding. "It worked perfectly, Koei! I'm so happy!"

I twirled the pistols some more. "Yeah, I guess. Why the hell did they _pew_, though?"

"Oh that's just the modification I made. You can see the little attachments under the barrel, right?"

I looked at the attachments. They were basically batteries. A purple glow shone from them, somewhat covered up by white casing, but left some gaps to keep the glow. Or to vent out heat, whatever. I'm not an engineer, I failed metalworking and I still have the scar on my pinky finger to prove it.

What? _That_ incident? It's not even visible unless you know to look for it, it's not worth bringing up.

Nepgear gave me a worried look as I inner monologue'd too hard again. This is becoming a bad habit.

"Uh, yeah. I can see the… batteries?"

"Power cores." Nepgear corrected, stroking her hand across one of the plated pistols. "Custom designed from the ground up to gather background mana before you fire, enchanting the bullet for extra power!... That's the theory, anyway. Haven't tried it on any _living_ targets yet, for obvious reasons." Nepgear explained, her eyes still shining.

"Oh, cool." I mutter. "Casually holding untested prototype weaponry in my hands, right after a three day coma. **This seems safe, NepG.**"

Nepgear giggled, which worried me a bit. "Oh you'll be _fine,_ Koei. A lot of the exploding core issues were patched out beforehand. Ended up cramming too many mana drives into the core, you see."

I didn't. This was jargon I didn't understand, mostly because it was about _magic._ I can use spells, sure. But that mostly came down to luck and more importantly, _I wasn't insane enough to try and harness it like Dr. Adorable over here._

… Nepgear's sailor suit almost looks like a lab coat, now that I think about it. And yet she still doesn't wear pants. What kind of scientist doesn't wear pants?

"Ah." I stated, not understanding what she meant at all and still focusing on the fact that she's basically a scientist wearing no pants. What kind of character would go around wearing no pants and a lab coat, exposing their panties for the world to see?

* * *

Meanwhile, on Rabi-Rabi Island, a young lady scientist sneezed quite suddenly while out and about in Rabi-Rabi Town. She thought nothing of it and continued her idyllic life.

(And now, back to the actual story! - Neptune)

* * *

Perverted thoughts aside, the pistols hadn't exploded yet so this was good. Maybe... a little _too good to keep in the lab?_

"Hey… NepG… This might sound weird, but these might need further testing. Would you mind if I took them with me?"

Nepgear's grin turned maniac. Uh oh. "Of course! This needs field testing before I submit the patent anyway, just in case there's any _vital errors_ I missed while making this. Consider it a gift to replace Serenity."

Ouch. That stung. "Wait, you're trusting the guy who just came out of a coma with two experimental, high modified, _plasma firing guns?_"

"Yes."

I wrapped my arms around Nepgear and gave her a good hug. "Thank you. Your faith isn't misplaced."

Letting go of her, I span around these pistols some more. Replacements for Serenity, huh? I mean, these would do, but…

* * *

**Name These Items?**

***Yes/No**

**Enter Names:**

**Peace **and **Tranquillity**

* * *

"Peace." I twirled the left pistol. "And Tranquillity." Likewise, I twirled the right pistol. I felt a warmth as these pistols seemed to glow with their new names.

Or it could be the batteries or cores or whatever. Still, looked hella neat.

Nepgear seemed to like my gumption. "Excellent. I believe I have holsters upsta-"

I put the duo of discount Desert Eagles in my inventory, interrupting Nepgear's entire train of thought. "You forgot I had my UI Gloves, didn't you?" I ask, a wry grin on my face.

Nepgear just shrugged. "Whatever works for you. With that out of the way, I believe I have a mecha to work on…" Nepgear headed towards a random dark corner of the lab, while I left, contemplating my new firearms. I mean sure, guns are a bit overplayed in terms of what a protagonist would use, but without Serenity around, I think these would do nicely when I get back into the fray.

Because as I found out by nearly falling over exiting the lab, I was _not ready._ Not by a long shot.

* * *

I was sat on the sofa in the sort of "Main Room" of the Basilicom, with the TV on some channel or other. I was mostly using it as background noise while I inspected Peace some more. They were practically identical anyway, so I didn't need both out for now.

I also spent a few minutes engraving a P into Peace's handle, just to differentiate it from its sister weapon. Do guns _have_ sisters?

Whatever. It seemed the actual clip part of the weapon was welded shut by Nepgear. Looks like on top of firing _magic bullets_, these pistols could also generate their own ammunition supply. Useful, if not a tad boring. Makes me wonder how the bullets get in the clip in the first place.

Ah she probably just shoved "magic drives" into the clip to force it to generate ammo or something. Honestly, this magic technology is going right over my head anyway.

I am a simple man. Give me a weapon and something to embed it in. Problem solved! I don't need complicated magical cores, but they do help in murder.

Still, after engraving a T for Tranquillity into the gun I'd use in my right hand, I got up and decided to turn the TV off. For some reason after getting here, TV just doesn't have the same appeal. I have things to _do_ now, I guess. Even while housebound, I still have done a few things today, which is nice. Dunno what I'm going to do with Peace and Tranquillity in the meantime, as I don't dare go outside for the moment.

Still though, I'm bored as hell. Usually by now something exciting would have happened. I sigh internally.

Who knew that peace could be… _So boring?_


	18. Unity, Precision, Perfection!

**A/N: **I have nothing. MAILBAG.

* * *

**Blaze2121: **Not _gun_blades, just normal guns. At least until Serenity returns anyway. Koei is becoming more and more edgy by the day. Iffy needs more floof though, I concur.

**Adstradea**: That was one of the hardest things about writing this, keeping Koei competent while not making him Kirito-Chirst incarnate who can fart his enemies away.

I mean, I like That Time I Got Reincarnated as A Slime, but that was one of the things that made me kind of drop it mid-season. Oops.

But yeah, that dragon was just _old_. More of a reference to it being from a time before CPUs than anything. (They get wiped out quickly after when CPUs destroy the ecosystem.)

**Incognito Doom: **That is **exactly** the reference I was going for. God, what a good song…

Right, chapter time. See ya.

* * *

_Twirl, twirl, twirl…_

Okay, that got boring fast. Twirling Peace and Tranquility around is only fun for 10 minutes at most. Still, I was housebound until further notice, thanks to Mana Burnout.

Wait, was I? Or was I just assuming based on the fact that I no longer have Serenity and nobody wanted to tell me its location?

I mean they probably don't _want_ me going out while recovering… But screw the rules, I have guns now! I'm going to Lastation, baby!

* * *

Lastation's cancer-filled air filled my lungs as I stepped out of the subway station. With my suit set to Kei Blue, I did blend in nicely with the crowd, which was nice for my purposes of trying not to be caught out.

Still, me coughing up my lungs was in fact, pretty conspicuous so it didn't _really_ matter either way. Still, I did feel pretty tired out just from the subway, so I found a nearby cafe and went in.

Function was the name of the game here. Metal plating covered the walls, most of it not even bothering to be aligned with itself. The chairs were similarly DIY'd together, which was an impressive feat, even if it meant each chair looked hella uncomfortable to actually sit on.

Still, I made my way to the counter, which was similarly slapped together. "So I assume you built this on a budget?" I chat up the unsurprisingly female attendant.

She gave a wry grin. "Well, it cost me less than 5000 credits, along with being a good talking point, so I say the hard work paid off." She seemed proud of her work. "Say, I don't get many business types around here. Too afraid of getting their suits dirty with the grime of actual work, ya know?"

I looked down at my suit, forgetting that I was wearing it. Hey, it was cozy as hell, cut me some slack. "Oh yeah, this. My other clothes are in the wash, so I have to wear this for the time being. Not a business type, just splurged on it due to the adjustable colours. I want to be a walking strobe light one day."

The girl politely chuckled at that statement. "I see, I see. Say, you look like someone I know. Were you on the news recently?"

Uh oh. "N-no. Say, can I have a coffee to go? I forgot I had a quest to turn in." I didn't really need to be recognized when I'm still healing.

Still, the clerk brewed coffee and after paying for it and politely said goodbye, I left the ramshackle store. It was nice, as was the clerk. If I liked Lastation more, I might go there more often.

Still, this left me with a coffee and a wandering mood. Didn't really _explore_ Lastation the last time I was here, mostly due to being slashed in the chest type reasons. You know, the usual.

Aside from the air, Lastation was busy, but not so busy as to choke the streets with traffic. Yes, the perfect place to hang about without arousing suspicion. Aside from my own choking, that is.

Jesus this place needed better filters. Feel like I'd get lung cancer long before I got liver cancer if I lived here. Still, for what little I could see before I hit smog, it _was_ nice.

Still, I tried to remain inconspicuous. That close call with the barista showed that I was gaining a reputation and due to my introverted nature, I did not need this. Not at all. Being recognized for the work I do, is fine. But I don't need to be a celebrity on the level of the CPUs. I don't even have a second form I can be incognito in, so being recognized and mobbed on the street would be bad for my… _everything._

For now though, I was blending in well. Unfortunately, it seemed that my time of being hidden was at an end, as I slipped out of the crowd and recognized a certain CPU Candidate outside what seemed to be a weapon store.

Fortunately, as Uni was looking at the store window, I had the chance to slip away. But to where? I'm already out of the crowd and would cause a commotion if I tried getting back in. Also I don't want to go back there.

Wait, can't glass refle- goddammit she turned around.

"K-Koei?" Uni was shocked at my appearance. I mean, I would be too, she probably heard the news from Nepgear. "I thought you were in a coma?"

"Yeah but I got better." I shrugged. "I mean as bad as this sounds, it's not my _first_ coma."

Uni put a gloved hand to her chin thoughtfully. "That makes sense I guess. Still, what brings you to Lastation on this… Day?" Seems that Uni couldn't see the sky for the smog either. Maybe that'll spur her to do something about this.

"Got bored, nobody told me where Serenity was, then NepG gave me these puppies." I pulled out Peace and Tranquility and handed one of them for Uni to inspect.

For some reason, she got _really excited._ "W-Wow! Is that a plasma battery attachment that gives each individual bullet a plasma aura that can shred through defense by itself?"

I uh… "This is NepG's, not mine. All I know is that it makes _pew_ noises and it has a weird purple thing after I fire it."

Uni nodded her head in conformation. "I see. You said Nep… G made this?"

Oh, they didn't really _know_ each other that well, did they? "Nepgear, my bad."

Uni's eyes seemed to sparkle with the mention of that name. "Ah, Nepgear! We got on so well in Leanbox, I really wish I could see her again… But Noire wants to keep me in Lastation until Gamindustri recovers from the shock of the Nations making peace."

At the very least, _that_ went well. Phew, thought my near-death experience would have fucked that up somehow.

"Well, NepG seems to be doing fine, if that makes you feel any better." I relayed, this seemed to please the Candidate, as her mood lightened a little.

"G-great!" Uni took the time to hand Tranquility back. God I love that name. "Say, I've got a Quest to do and I couldn't ask big si- Noire to help as she's still doing paperwork. Would you mind coming to help me out?"

Part of me wanted to say "Are you fucking nuts I just came out of a _fucking coma_", but Uni meant well by what she said and she was still young and inexperienced.

That and I really needed an excuse to fire off Peace and Tranquility. No point having these if I can't fill _something_ with lead and plasma, right?

"Sure, as long as it doesn't involve a dragon or anything like that." I noted. Dragons are going to give me PTSD, I swear.

"N-no, nothing like that! Heh. Just some derelict factory is showing some life. Going to put down whatever's making noise in there."

Jesus fuck Uni. "Brutal." I note simply. "I suppose a pair of plasma firing pistols would fry any robots if we happen to find some in there."

Uni nodded in agreement. "I concur. Then let us go." She then marched off, thankfully away from the crowds of people in the Lastation streets. I followed closely behind to keep up.

* * *

As it turns out, Lastation is an actual shithole. I thought the smog was bad in the more general walking areas around the subway and Basilicom. That is **nothing** compared to the industrial area. As Uni and I headed towards it, I ended up breathing so much polluted air that I felt like if I vomited, it'd as dark as Uni's dress.

This is why I now had a cloth covering my nose and mouth, anyway. It's not a perfect solution, but considering my weakened state, I wasn't taking any chances in what the locals call "BlackLungstation."

Uni was completely fine with this, however. CPUs are _weird._ She even shot me a look of pity when I went into a nearby store to buy this Lastation branded cloth that is sold for the express purpose of keeping your smog inhalation down.

And the fact that I have to get one of these kind of proves how badly Lastation needs an environmental reform sooner rather than later. I'm blaming Kei for this, she seems like the kind of person to drive efficiency this high and with Noire's eye for overwork, she would probably miss something like this.

Still, we eventually made it to the abandoned factory. "Time Splitter LTD." it was called. Unsurprisingly, they made clocks before being shut down once more digital clocks came about. Seems they couldn't adapt to the evolving tastes of their customer base.

At least, that's what I _assume_ happened. For some reason, I feel something like this happened back home, but like most things, I can't really explain _why_ I think that way. It bothers me, somewhat.

Oh well. We inspected the main entrance, which was unsurprisingly bolted shut. It was a _derelict factory._ Still, we needed a way in, so I started to make my way around.

I was inspecting to see if there was a less bolted entrance when I heard shots from around the corner. Running back to the entrance, Uni was there with a smoking barrel and a _perfectly intact lock…_ On the floor as the chains that were supporting it where melted to shit.

"Geez, didn't think we'd have to break in here." I mutter, as Uni blew the smoke off of her rifle… Thing. It was a rifle, but I don't really know anything outside of that as it looked like a frigging gun. Granted, it had a few more switches and levers than I would have liked, but Uni looked to be a skilled markswoman so she could make it work… Probably.

"Alright, let's make this quick and easy." Uni stayed back to reload her clip with bullets from… _somewhere_ as I opened the door and took a peek inside.

Seems that this place had been abandoned for a while, as nature has begun to reclaim the aging machinery as it continued to rust over. Despite the fact that we broke in through the front door, holes were starting to appear in the eroding walls, as evidenced by the scavenging cat-like creatures wandering around, along with some Bits and… Tentacled Dogoos, _goddammit_.

"Well, time for some murder, right Uni?" I turn to the Candidate, who's nerves looked less like steel and more like thrice-reinforced titanium.

_Click._ "Let's do this."

Uni for her part, was already firing shots towards the crowd of Bits advancing towards us and she wasn't a bad shot, nailing one right in the rotor , disabling it, while hitting another one square in the chassis, slowing it greatly while it sparked violently.

I however… Was _less_ of a crack shot. With a grand total of _one Bit_ trying to attack me, I unloaded shot after shot at the bastard thing to no avail. Sighing in resignation, I put Peace away and simply aimed Tranquility at the bastard Bit before firing a single plasma infused shot at it.

To my surprise, I _hit a shot_ after _using my brain and aiming._ It seems that despite the lower calibur of the bullet (this is a pistol versus a high powered rifle after all) the plasma _rather funnily enough_ completely _shreds through metal,_ leaving the Bit in a smouldering pile of wires and sparking technology.

Needless to say, Tranquility was not a fitting name for the carnage this hand cannon could cause to these Bits. "Uni! I'll take out the Bits! You focus on anything organic!... That _isn't _me." I quickly clarify before I could be hit with friendly fire.

"Switching to Napalm Shot." Uni without little issue swapped out her clip, almost on instinct. It was kind of scary, honestly.

Wait. "NAPALM?"

Uni turned to me, a confused look on her face. "Well, I wanted to put in some white phosphorus bullets, but Noire shot that down saying it was "A war crime" and would make "Lastation look bad", so I had to improvise with napalm."

I took a few steps back from Uni. Okay, she might _look _13, but she has the mind of a war torn soldier who clearly wants to get things done in the most brutally efficient way possible.

And I thought _Kei_ was scary. This is Kei with a _gun. __**And napalm. **_

Still, Uni turned back to fill a nearby cat-like thing with molten lead. Regardless, she can hit her shots so well that her opponents dissipate into data before the _effects_ of white phosphorus would kick in properly anyway, but **still, what the hell Uni?**

Right, back to destroying Bits. Getting the hang of having two hands on the handle paid off by giving me a proper aim. Popping a few shots off, I was able to nail some Bits, frying their circuits easily. Turning back to Uni, she had taken up a different position in the complex, one that gave her a better field of view to snipe innocent monsters. Still though, the Bits were taken care of, so I decided to sneak around a bit to see if I could loot something while I was here.

Noting that Tranquility was glowing awfully brightly, I swapped it out for Peace instead, which gave off a far less "explosive" glow as I explored the warehouse.

Rather surprisingly, I found some healing items. They seemed to be in date and went right into the inventory. I also grabbed some not completely busted looking bracelet-type armor, but it probably wasn't better than what I had. Still, I could _sell_ it.

Looking around more, there were a few more broken things I could salvage for a quick buck at the market when we get out of here.

The only other thing that looked interesting was an obsidian gauntlet that had undertones of red between the joints of it and rubies decorating other parts of it, including one roughly thumb-sized one located right on the back of the hand.

The weirdest part of this wasn't the fact that there wasn't a matching left one, but the fact that it was _nigh__-intact_ despite being abandoned here. Still, could sell for some cash.

Hopping back over a downed crane, I saw Uni wandering for more things to shoot. Seems we were fresh out. "Seems we've cleared out the problem, then." I say to her.

Uni simply nodded, before suddenly grabbing me and dragging me down behind some barrels.

"Ow. Fu-" Uni slapped a gloved hand over my mouth to shush me. I was about to smack her when I saw _what_ was strolling past us. A massive, steel covered, _four legged spider-like tank with a dual-cannon attached to its top walked past us._ It was _easily_ over 2 meters tall and I doubt that even Peace and Tranquility would _scratch _it.

"That _thing_ is why we're here." Uni whispered, pointing at the silver and purple mecha. "There's unsubstantiated rumors at the guild about this being a Planeptune creation due to it being spotted through the holes in the walls."

I suddenly miss the ability to jam a glorified cattle prod into things. "They seem _very_ substantial to me when I'm staring at the ass-end of a turret on legs."

Uni for her part was taking this well. At least, she was loading _something _into her rifle. "I knew I should have brought the mortar rounds…"

As she reloaded, I took a peek out from behind cover. The machine seemed to be patrolling, as it began to wander down to the place where I found that bracelet and gauntlet earlier.

I looked at Uni for a moment. "Maybe we should go to where it was. I don't think we've been there yet." Really I just wanted to avoid conflict as much as possible in my current state.

Uni sighed, before getting up herself. "You have a point. Maybe we can find out why it's still patrolling after all this time."

So off we went towards the surprisingly sparse area the spider tank came from. It was covered in fresh burn marks, so I didn't really _need_ to guess why the place was sparse.

Still, a large and open steel door greeted us. Bracing myself, I brought out Tranquility just in case as it glowed with the same intensity as Peace now, which was nice.

We walked in, only for… _oh goddammit._

"You again?" I pointed both my guns to Anonydeath, who was working away on an abandoned, yet functioning computer.

Anonydeath for his part turned around and didn't seem to be bothered by the trio of guns pointing at him. "Ah, Koei. We haven't seen each other since that incident in Lowee! How's that head wound healing up?"

I put my hand against my head, trying to think of what happened since then. Drinking, more drinking, fought Rei, Anonydeath conceded against future attempts at villainy, helped world peace…

"Oh. RIght." I put away Peace and Tranquility before giving Uni a "Stand down, I got this." look and approached the flamboyant hacker. "Yeah, it's fine. Just so much has happened since then. Kinda forgot we weren't enemies anymore." I leaned on a part of the computer not covered in dials and what not.

"There we go. You remembered eventually." He slow clapped me. "Well, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here. It's nothing to do with that patrolling spider-tank, as much to my chagrin, the override codes have long since corrupted on this old, abandoned PC so I can't shut it down."

Shots rang out as Uni took down another Bit. "So… Why aren't you being shot to death?"

Anonydeath shrugged. "I presume because Time Splitter LTD ended up automating their entire factory a few years before shutting down entirely. So their security protocols are really just binary optical sensors that go berserk at anything with a pulse. Thankfully my _magnificent suit_ manages to hide my perfect maiden body so I've been safe here so far."

Huh, interesting. "That really doesn't give a _why_ though?"

"Oh, just a base of operations while I get my next plan going. I know what you're thinking, but this is for the good of Lastation, so put that animosity away, nosy-pants."

I sighed in resignation and put Tranquility away, which was pointing at his head not a moment ago. Maybe I _am_ jumping the gun a tad.

"Well, go on then." I roll my eyes while keeping them on Uni, who didn't seem to be bothered as she was holding of another wave of Bits.

"Well, you've noticed the… _less than clean_ air here, right? As it turns out, the Citizens Group was formed partially because of issues like this that the CPUs seemingly refuse to resolve or even acknowledge. Now to you and I, it's pretty obvious that they have bigger things on their plate and leave that to the Oracles. But as they're the face of the government, they get all the flak when the Oracles fail to do their job properly…"

Oh **boy**, politics. "So what you're saying is that if Lastation had cleaner air, it'd be better for Noire's reputation?"

Anonydeath nodded. "Indeed. And yes, I still love Lady Noire, but my darling Rei is also a viable target for my affections…" I swore I could see him blush near the neon slits that were his face. "R-right. She's just a friend. Regardless, one of Rei's (and thus the Citizen's Groups) big complaints was in fact the lack of response of the environmental deterioration of Lastation. Now tell me, who would benefit the most from making Lastation as efficient as possible, the consequences of the people living there be damned?"

I put a hand to my face as it all came together. "Goddammit, Kei." I removed my hand from my face. "So what, you're going to somehow get her ejected from her role?"

Anonydeath for his part seemed to take offense to that. "Nothing like that. Instead I'm compiling an official report that will convince her to start cleaning up Lastation by writing it in a way that appeals to her… _efficient_ nature. Honestly, this is a _lot_ more simple than elaborately planned hoax quests that fail."

I suppose it is. "Well, that explains a bit, thanks. Anything relevant to me?"

I could feel the smugness from here. "Well if you insist, there's rumors of some long lost treasure around here. Apparently the CEO of Time Splitter LTD bought a gauntlet in order to show off to his fellow CEOs, but nobody gave a damn and he just left it here one day before he went bankrupt. At least according to these logs. They're _very_ fascinating once you comb through all the tax forms and get to the company emails. I have the whole thing on archive, basically."

Huh. That gauntlet… Nah, can't be. That'd be _stupid._

"Well, it was fun talking to you Anonydeath. Glad to see you did change over a new leaf." I turn to leave, only for my blood to freeze. It was the damn tank. And Uni was nowhere to be found.

"ORGANIC LIFEFORM DETECTED. PLEASE PRESENT ID OR BE EXTERMINATED." The tank's "eye" scanned me up and down. Shit, shit, shit.

Wait… Could I? Quickly equipping the gauntlet, I used it to cover my face as I heard beeping sounds.

"AH, MR. DOOK. APOLOGIES FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?" The robot's synthesized voice suddenly turned fenimine as it patrolled right past me, seeming content that I was this "Mr. Dook."

"Well, that's one way to fool an AI." Anonydeath mused. "That's definitely been patched out of future models of the Walking Auto-Cannon."

He turned to me, as if remembering something. "Oh! That model of the Walking Auto-Cannon _was_ produced in Planeptune, back when they and Lastation weren't at war. That's why it has the purple and ivory design, but not any of the Planeptune markings. You can relay that to whoever started the rumor mill, because I am getting tired of kids almost getting fried by the pain of a tank."

Huh. That explains a bit, I guess. Shooting an armored thumbs up to Anonydeath, I ran off to find Uni. I hope she's okay…

* * *

Powerwalking out of Anonydeath's new base of operations, I looked around for the Lastation Candidate, while popping off a few Bits. As far as I could tell, the Bits were similar to the Auto-Cannon in that they only really searched for anything organic. They seemed to be coming at a rate that hinted at them still being manufactured, despite this place's disuse.

Of course I could just blame this on Anonydeath, but I think that's just unfair, especially as he seems to be trying to improve himself and they weren't much of a threat anyway.

Still, where the hell is Uni?

_Vrrm, vrrm._

"Hello?" I simply my put my fleshy arm to my ear, fearing the interference from the still equipped gauntlet.

"WHERE THE HELL IS UNI?" Noire's voice screamed down the line, scaring the utter shit out of me. "AND DON'T EVEN _TRY_ TO SAY YOU'RE IN PLANEPTUNE BECAUSE HISTOIRE WANTS WORDS WITH YOU TOO!"

Aw fuck. "Well, there's a funny story behind that. Ya see…"

"I SWEAR TO ME KOEI IF YOU DON'T BRING HER BACK TO THE BASILICOM WITHIN THE HOUR YOUR ASS IS GRASS, TREATY BE DAMNED."

_Click_

Well, time to find Uni I guess. Wandering around the complex, I realized that Uni could have easily ran off. This was bad for my ongoing wellbeing, needless to say.

"Uni? Uniiii? Come on, your sister wants you back at the Basilicom otherwise and I quote, "My ass is grass."" I call out at the deserted factory. Nada. Bugger.

Still, I had to persevere. Checking around cover and in parts I hadn't explored yet, Uni wasn't anywhere. This was not good.

"UNI, FOR FUCKS SAKE." I yelled, losing my patience. "YOUR SISTER HAS NEARLY KILLED ME ONCE BEFORE, I'M SURE AS HELL SHE WOULD DO IT AGAIN."

After the inevitable echo, I heard the grunting of a young woman. Yup, there she was. Running over as she did sound hurt, Uni looked fine, albeit she was clutching her leg…

Oh _god_. "UNI, PUT YOUR LEG DOWN!" I avert my eyes before I catch a glimpse of anything forbidden. I may have to start buying clothes for people with lesser chances of being peeped on.

After a moment, I turned my eyes to her again, she was blushing and looking away from me but seemed more hurt physically than emotionally, which I can thankfully fix without having to apply my poor social skills.

Pulling out a Nep Bull, I handed it to the blushing Candidate, who took it gladly. Taking a sip, she nearly spat it back out. "Gah! Who drinks this crap?"

"People who need healing." I state simply. "Now drink up, Noire found out that _you snuck out of the Basilicom and just gave me shit over the phone_."

Uni's face turned a lovely shade of white to contrast with her ebony hair. "Oh. **Crap.**" She then proceeded to chug the Nep Bull without complaint, probably because she _knew_ she'd need the energy.

As for me, I was tempted to grab my canteen, but I realized I might need that more once I got back to Planeptune so I put it back in my breast pocket before helping Uni get back up as we both decided to abscond this hellhole before Noire decided to find us herself.

Back out of the life-shortening industrial district, I put the cloth used to preserve my lungs back in my inventory. The gauntlet was also long since placed in there, mostly for visual reasons. Some random walking around with a cloth covering most of their face and a black gauntlet one was pretty conspicuous. Someone looking like a dishevelled businessman with the typical Lastation getup? Less so.

Then again, I have Uni with me and I don't know if people know of the CPU Candidates yet. Huh…

"Hey Uni, do people know that… You _exist_?" I asked curiously as we headed through an empty part of Lastation. Seemed that people were at work now, so the streets were practically empty.

Uni put a hand to her chin. "Not really. There's obviously the rumor mills, but Noire and Kei have been hush-hush on the subject. Apparently they're waiting for a perfect opportunity to arise… Whatever that means."

"If I had to guess, engineering a situation where all four Candidates are forced to reveal themselves to the world simultaneously." I pondered aloud. "That would give you all equal share and wouldn't really make one Candidates seem better than the others."

Uni shrugged. "Makes sense, let me guess, you'd do the same thing?"

I shrug back. "Mostly. I'd probably just come out and announce it, though."

The rest of the walk was uneventful, bar Uni's increasingly worried look as we slowly approached the Basilicom. I wanted to say something to comfort her, but decided against it. She'd be fine.

Still, we were here. The guard letting us in, Noire waited impatiently in the main lobby, looking _very_ angry at me in particular.

I wanted to GTFO right then and there, but I figured she needed the gauntlet first. Hell if I'm holding on this. It looks evil. Best to keep it away from me.

Still, Noire marched up to me and with her slightly taller frame, she was even more intimidating when she had something to kick your ass over, apparently.

"Koei." She stated simply. "Why the _utter hell_ did you not _only_ wake up, steal Nepgear's guns and bugger off here without telling _anyone_ where you were going, but _drag my sister into your stupid escapade?"_

Woah. This was a misunderstanding and a half and was escalating. Fast. "Okay first of all, Nepgear let me _borrow_ Peace and Tranquility. I'll have to explain this when I get back to Planeptune too. _Furthermore_, I found Uni outside of a gun shop _along with stating _that _she_ was on a quest and just joined me for fun. If anything, you should be _thanking_ me, because I helped her out when she needed it… Speaking of." I turned to Uni. "What happened to you to be clutching your leg in pain like that?"

Pretty sure I saw Noire's eyes bug out from the corner of my eye as the Candidate started to sweat, "I-it was just a fall. I didn't get caught off-guard by a Bit and knocked down into an iron bar or anything." Uni lied through her teeth and I could taste her fear.

I decided to leave her be at that point. The rollocking she'd get from Noire would more than suffice for me in revenge for getting me yelled at. "Before I go Noire, I found this in the place we were questing." I pulled out the gauntlet and handed it to her. "Thought it'd look nice on you if nothing else."

Noire blushed. "T-thank you?" She inspected the gauntlet for a moment before looking back at me. Even with the slightly intimidating height difference, her blushing face was cute. "Don't think either you _or_ Uni are off the hook for t-this, though!"

"You say that…"I started, before promptly turning around and sprinting in the other direction. "Sorry Uni!"

"DAMMIT KOEI!" Came the anguished yells of the Lastation CPU and Candidate as I got the seven hells out of there. I was already overdue for a lashing back in Lastation, so…

* * *

Phew. Full on sprinting to the subway station takes a lot out of you. I was almost glad to be back in the moist, dank air of the station as compared to Lastation's general air quality. Taking another Nep Bull out of my inventory, I decided to take this one easy as I waited for my subway. Probably wouldn't work out well if I just chugged the bastard thing, after all.

_Vrrm, vrrrm, vrrm._

God… Dammit…

"Hello?" I swear if I get yelled at again I'm stomping these gloves out of existence.

"Koei? So you're alive?" Blanc's voice came from the other end. Surprising, because I swore this was Vert's number.

"Oh, hey. No I'm dead, this is just a prerecorded message. 'Sup?"

"Just checking that you're out of that coma. Rom was really worried after she heard the news is all." Blanc replied. Really, Rom of all people?

"Huh. Suppose she's that sort of person who worries about damn near anyone. Raise her well, won't you?" I ask in a worried tone. Poor Rom has a terrible compassionate role model in Blanc, but I'm not going to say that.

"Working on it." Blanc stated simply. "Vert was also worried. We _all_ were. By the time we all woke up you were already back, so…"

"Oh. **GOD.**" I state without thinking. All the CPUs surrounding my piss covered, blood soaked body is _really disturbing_ for some reason. "Tell me nobody saw anything indecent?"

Silence. "No? I don't know why you'd ask such a thing. Compa was very insistent on making sure you were at least covered up before we could see you. Compa on the other hand…"

"Well, she's a nurse. It's in her job description, more or less. No point worrying over that." I play that off as cool as I could, at least. I really didn't mind Compa doing such things… God that sounds dirty.

"Alright then. I would pass the phone over to Vert, but she insists that her raid is more important, so I'll just put it down. Goodbye, Koei."

_Click_

Jeez, that was pretty passive aggressive of her. Still, glad to see some people were worried for me.

However unwarranted I felt it was. I'm just a guy, after all. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief at my sobriety and safety, I took one last chug of Nep Bull, leaving the can empty as I tossed it into a nearby trash can and headed towards the soon to depart subway car.

Histy's gonna be Pissty.

* * *

Ah, back in Planeptune. Fresher air, prettier sights, the impending doom of a Histoire lecture… Yup this was home.

At least it was still daylight out here. Man, today's been long. Oh well, time to head to the Basilicom. Still a lovely place to wander around in. Oh, better switch my suit to Histoire Purple. Maybe that'll help with negotiation.

It won't. Ahhh, time to crack that sobriety, I guess. Taking a long drink of whiskey, I entered the Basilicom and went up that tall, tall elevator.

As the door opened, she awaited me.

"Histoire." I simply stated. "I'm back."

Histoire's angry fairy face did not change. "Koei. We need to **talk.**" No room for ifs ands or buts, simple facts were stated by the book fairy.

"Talk about what? The lovely weather?"

"**Koei.** You went out, without taking **any **precautions despite your condition. Do you realize how much danger you put yourself in today?"

"Plenty." Whiskey coursed through my veins. "What I do in my own time is none of your business, Histoire."

The fairy blinked. "But… You work for **me.**"

Huh? "I never signed a formal contract to work for Planeptune. I was simply requested to bring peace to Gamindustri by uniting the four Nations. That job is done, no?"

"No." Histoire shook her head. "I may have been unclear during our initial meeting. Due to your status, current and former, I decided that once you did complete your quest to sort of draft you in as an official Planeptune citizen. The paperwork did take 3 days to process during your brief comatose state and I was ready to hand it to you this morning after you woke up. However, once I couldn't find you, I had asked IF where you went and she didn't know either. Neither did Nepgear, though she mentioned that you borrowed her prototype pistols for uh, _testing purposes?_"

"So you then decided to contact the other Oracles?" I prod.

"No, just Kei. Kei has information on everyone. It's kind of her _thing_ if you didn't notice." Histoire replied.

"I did."

"Regardless, she had a beat on you as soon as you stepped into Lastation. She _also_ had a beat on Uni as soon as she went on her Quest, so she was never in any real danger… She did tell me to thank you for keeping an eye on her in any case, as _quote_ "it's not efficient to go around fixing things myself, you know." end quote."

"That woman is insane." I state simply. "Both insanely efficient and absolutely nuts at the same time. It's scary."

"That is an accurate summary." Histoire seemed to have calmed down at least somewhat. Still though, there was something she mentioned a minute ago that piqued my interest…

"Wait, I'm an _official_ Planeptune citizen now?"

The book fairy nodded in response. "It would be weird if you continued to be in your previous state of illegality. Apologies if that seemed a little.. Pushy. I understand that you wish to be more independent, but paperwork is paperwork."

I shrugged in response. "I don't _mind_, but being clear about these things helps."

Histoire breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. You seem to be recovering fast, but for your sake… No, I must tell you the truth. Serenity was damaged."

**What?**

"When Plutia brought you back, Serenity had a large crack in its blade. It seems you pushed it too far along with yourself. I sent it off to repairs in Lowee 3 days ago after we made sure you were alright, but I haven't heard back from-"

"Hello, hello!" Neptune's voice came from behind us, shocking me slightly. Aside from her usual outfit replaced with a larger white parka, she was her usual happy self. In one of her hands was a vaguely familiar blade. "Here you go, Histy! One reforged, repaired and resharpened Serenity! Oh, hey Koppey!"

I put a hand to my face. "Please don't call me that. Only Plutia can call me that and that's because she's a fluffy ball of sadism and happiness."

Neptune rolled her eyes in a flamboyant matter. "Okay!~" She then proceeded to hand me "Serenity" for me to inspect. It was largely the same. Cool blue steel, the named etched into the hilt, that damn _aura_…

But it was different. For one thing, it did feel heavier. It might take some getting used to, but it's better than the alternative. The handle also had a sapphire inside the handle that seemed to glow when I gripped it. Now the fact that I couldn't _see_ it was annoying, but it felt like I recovered some strength just by holding it. It seemed to have a better composition overall. Maybe it was it being reforged with more modern techniques, but it _felt stronger_ overall too.

"Serenity." I state sweetly. "We're finally together again."

"You like that sword _more_ than me, then?" IF peeped up from behind me.

Not even turning around I stated. "You know Serenity is only the _second_ love in my life, Iffy." I then tossed my plush of me at her to make her adorably squee.

Because Iffy squeeing is the real win of today.

* * *

**A/N: **Some fun facts about this chapter!

Uni and Koei were meant to fight the Walking Auto Cannon, but I decided against it due to Koei's state.

Histy was going to be _far more _Pissty due to a misunderstanding, but I thought that made Koei come off as a smartass so I cut it for worrying about his safety.

Linda was going to appear! But for similar reasons to the auto cannon, decided against it.

This was an absolute bitch to write and I'm still sort of unhappy with it. Yeah… I think it's time to kick Koei into gear.

Oh and I was going to put in some Rabi-Ribi music (Brawl Breaks) but as the fight scene was so short, it wasn't worth it.


	19. Sociopathic Sitter

**A/N:** Wow, I died for nearly 2 weeks, huh.

Not related to getting addicted to multiple things and laziness, I swear. MAILBAG, GO!

**Blaze2121: **I have **no idea.** But considering that the Citizen's Group disbanded and Anonydeath is hanging around, maybe we're hitting the Ultradimension Saga a little sooner than I originally planned. Also Koei fucked up the timeline massively by helping unite the CPUs before ASIC rose to power. Because he's fuckin' Koei and it's not Koei without timeline fuckery!

**Endersoul1401:** Yeah, imagine _life_ getting in the way of trash fanfiction writing, ha ha. **Ha.**

**Guest**: (This is from Chapter 11, but I decided to make it a point to reply to _every_ Review.) **PRECISION GERMAN ENGINEERING.** The end of Hard Break has a very similar animation to Earthshatter, so having Blanc learn it as a standard skill was fun for a one off gag. Yup, that will never come up again in the next chapter due to spoilery reasons!

Alright that was... Oddly short for a mailbag. I blame fanifc-dot-net. ON WITH THE CARNAGE!

* * *

Adorable squeeing from my girlfr- _friend_ aside, I still needed something to do for the rest of the day. Grabbing my canteen and taking a big drink, I tried to figure out what I could do aside from getting wasted.

I turned to the Planeptune streets, then back to the adorable face of IF, still blushing heavily from her fit of adorableness.

Oooh, that smells like an idea! "Hey, IF."

The Guild agent turned to me. "Hmmm?"

I started blushing heavily myself. "Wanna… Go around Planeptune for a bit? Just me and you?" Not a _date_, obviously. Just need the highly specialized skills of the Guild Agent to help me around, you know?"

IF seemed to get my gist as she winked at me with those lovely emerald eyes of hers. "I see. Then we'll consider this a _quest_?"

Neptune and Histoire were understandably confused as we opted to walk to the elevator before leaving on that note. Suckers.

* * *

The afternoon sunshine hit me hard as we left. Clearly a suit was a bad idea for a date. I mean Quest.

"So, why'd you bring me out here?" IF asked, looking slightly uncomfortable herself. Whether that was heat or social obligation was beyond my analysis level.

"Well, figured you missed we'd catch up." No ulterior motives here. Just laying it out there. "Plus, I wanna get out of the Basilicom for a bit."

IF put her arms behind her head as we walked along the Planeptune streets. "Suppose that makes sense. But now we're out and about, what's on your mind?"

"A lot of things." I answer truthfully. No point being coy. "Mostly worried about you and the others after I almost died. Again. Also who the hell is Plutia?"

"Other-Dimensional CPU." IF replied, waving her hand casually. "I think it's the same place that Anonydeath dude came from, which leads to some sort of theory that these rifts are simply holes connecting both dimensions temporarily, but due to their unstable nature, can't be studied properly."

I gently punched her in the arm. "Fuckin' nerd." Still, this brought up an interesting question. "Would there be a chance of connecting both in a stable manner? I'm sure whoever's friends with Plutia misses her greatly."

IF shrugged "We're trying, but it's a lengthy process considering we're working with nothing here. But enough about work." This was about work? "How did you excursion to Lastation go?"

I waved my hand as we passed by Celestia. It wasn't open in the afternoon, sadly. "The usual. Got to try out Peace and Tranquility… Which I forgot to hand back to Nepgear before leaving to give feedback, _dammit._" My hand met face as IF chuckled to herself.

"Ah don't worry about Gear's stuff. She tinkers with _quality._ Those pistols are as good as they'll get, more than likely."

I shrugged. "Fair… Aren't you hot in that jacket, though?" I diverted the topic to IF herself, who seemed to have some sweat forming on her face.

"A b-bit, but I'd rather keep it on. I feel more comfortable like this." She stated simply as I stopped in front of a store. Seemed to be one of the generic stores scattered around with the Guild's usual set of gear in.

I walked into the store and activated the storefront. This suit was chafing in the heat so I needed something more casual.

Huh, the store seems like it updated. Now I can buy _any_ Nation branded clothing rather than just Planeptune. Must be part of that treaty, awesome.

I ordered up 3 sets of clothing. One full Lowee set (Including jacket.), one full Leanbox set (Which had shorts and a t-shirt instead of the usual, longer sleeved variant.) and one full Lastation set (Mostly seemed the same as the Planeptune set aside from the additional mask helping to filter the toxic air).

With that sorted, I opted to change into my new Leanbox clothing. It was a hot day and having some airflow would be nice.

Walking out of the shop, IF whistiled to herself while admiring me. "Damn, Koei. Showing off that summer bod already, huh?"

I blushed. "It's just for the heat. Am I really that toned?" I never really cared about my looks, but if I _do _look more attractive…

"Not really." Ouch. "But it's the first time I've seen your arms and legs properly. They seem to be building on their own."

"Heh, thanks." I'll take the compliment anyway. "What about yours?"

I immediately realize my mistake as I just asked IF to strip off her jacket in public. I tried to correct my mistake before getting a face full of fabric as IF's jacket was flung at me.

Placing the article of clothing into my inventory as fast as possible, IF stood before me, finally exposing her arms and thighs for the world to see. Really she wasn't wearing that much less than I was. Hell, probably more if you take her boots into account.

"There, you got my jacket off." IF stated finally. "At least I'm not sweating anymore. Even if I do feel… Exposed."

I did feel bad for the poor girl, but it'd be good for her skin. Vitamin D is good for bones! And cancer if you have too much of it!

"Ah well, it's lovely weather to show off, Iffy." I reassured, stretching to emphasise my point. I was self-conscious of my own body, but if I _showed_ some confidence, maybe…

IF showed the ghost of a smile. "I guess you're right, Kope- Koei." IF's smile disappeared as her cheeks gained a rosy hue. I caught that slip of the tongue but decided not to press further, lest she kick my ass over it.

Still, she seemed fine with letting down her guard around me. And I felt the same way around her. God, this is weird.

But it's a good feeling regardless, so I'll let it slide. Still…

"So, any plans for the near future?" I ask casually as we continued our trek down Planeptune's oddly near empty streets.

"Not really." IF replied, arms swinging slightly as we trekked onwards to nowhere in particular. "Aside from hanging out with you, Nep and the others, I'll probably just end up doing Guild related work. No real plan from there, though. You?"

I shrugged. "Same old, same old. Probably with less near-death experiences from now on, though." Well, I hope that was going to be the case. Being a hero is _fun_ and all, but the life expectancy is not very high if you're careless.

"You're adapting well, to say the least." IF noted. "When Histoire and I originally found out about the rifts, we were worried that whatever came out of them would be… Well, more hostile than you. Thankfully most of them fizzled out without any entities appearing from them. You're one of the few exceptions, of course."

"Thanks for stating I'm better than nothing." I chuckled, revelling in the glorious Planeptune afternoon. "You know, it's moments like this that make me feel alive, IF. The beautiful sunshine, being with a great friend shooting the shit, everything feels… _Right, _you know?"

IF put a hand to her chin. "Everything's been quiet since that dragon incident. Aside from drinking in Celestia until I got thrown out, it's just been the usual. Even Neptune hasn't been particularly… _Neptune_."

"Huh. you think something might happen now that I'm up and about again?" I ask aloud. "I hope it doesn't. But at the same time…"

As soon as those words left my mouth I regretted even bringing this up as what could only be described as a _rift in space _quite literally opened up before us. Looming over us, with energy sparking inside of it and lightning scorching from it, it was certainly _dangerous_ and needed to be taken care of, now.

"Shite." I mutter. "What do we do with this, then?" I turned to IF, who seemed similarly stunned by this.

"Step back. These things have a bad habit of having a vorte-" was all she managed to get out before the consuming void suddenly expanded and I started to feel _something_ pulling at me towards the vortex.

"IF, go!" I yelled, trying to help her avoid the same fate I was going to be entwined in, but I could see her struggling to keep her footing as well. Seems we were destined to end up like this, then.

She grabbed my hand suddenly, causing me to blush heavily as her own face turned crimson. "No! I won't lose you to this!" She tried to drag me herself, having stepped back in order to escape the pull.

I knew what would happen if she held on. Grabbing her jacket from my inventory, I took a quick sniff to remember her scent just to remember her by before throwing it at her, causing her to fall backwards, letting go of my hand as I was sucked in.

I'm sorry, IF. I truly am.

* * *

_Koei!? Why did you throw my jacket at me? I could have saved you. But… _

_The rift had closed. Koei was gone. I grabbed the plush of him I'd been hiding in my own inventory for a while and hugged it tightly._

_It provided some comfort in this time of need. But I had to be strong. Getting up, tears barely shedded, I grabbed one of my phones from my jacket and started making a call to Histoire._

"_Histoire? Koei's gone. A rift opened and took him." I stated, trying to keep stoic despite my loss._

"_IF… Come back to the Basilicom then. I may have an idea of where that rift leads to." Histoire was cryptic as always, but she was my only lead at this point._

_At least he gave me back my jacket. After smelling it. Weirdo._

* * *

Ow. Fuck. Rifts hurt. A **lot.**

_Oh Me, it's you again._

Aw shit, it's you again.

_I'm glad we're on a mutual basis._

As am I. Now what the hell do you want?

_Well, remember when I told you about that artifact being in danger?_

No.

_Well, I forgot to inform you __**where**_ _it was, didn't I?_

No, because I don't remember.

… _Shut up. It wasn't in the dimension you were in, so it was pretty fantastic when that rift opened up, eh?_

Oh god, I'm in hell aren't I?

_No, no. You'll be waking up soon. Just beware my friend, for this adventure will be a solo affair. Now go, and right the wrongs of Ultradime-_

_CHROMEEEY! WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOOOO?_

_GODDAMMIT FILYN!_

* * *

Another one of those dreams. God, that Chrome is a weirdo, though. Why is she even telling me about all this, Histoire was already enough of a nag as was.

Whatever. My head fucking hurts and I'm completely sober for once. Christ, where _am_ I?

Opening my eyes, green pastures greeted me as I observed just where the actual hell I was. A city that _looked_ like Planeptune was in the distance, but it seemed much smaller. Still, civilization was ahead of me and I intended to face it head-on!

Getting up, I nearly fell down from some weight on my back. Turning around, I realized that this was fucking stupid, as the weight was still on my back and not necessarily behind me. Copping a feel, it wasn't _alive_, so that was good at least. Upon further feeling, it was fabric-ey, like some sort of bag.

You know, maybe I should just take the bastard thing off. Grabbing the straps attached to my shoulders, I took off the bag in a show of force unparalleled by man or machine.

Upon further inspection it was just _a bag._ Well, a backpack to be more precise, but still _a bag._ Specifically the one I bought way, _way_ back in Lowee before I even had the UI Gloves.

Oh right, I have an inventory. Opening my UI Gloves, I-

**Cannot connect to Lastation servers. **

Fuck. Well, the UI Gloves were just hand warmers until I could get them back online. I wonder what's in the bag, though.

Opening it up, Peace and Tranquility were tucked in there, along with some assorted healing potions and beer, as well as my Planeptune getup. Whoever or whatever got by bag out of storage liked the bare essentials and I appreciate that!

Hefting the load back onto my back, I checked my watch which thankfully didn't need a fucking Internet connection to work. Seemed like it was the early afternoon, judging by the 2:30pm time it displayed. With all the admin out of the way, I started my trek to Planeptune, determination to find out _what the fuck_ happened and reunite with my darling IF. God that sounded weird.

**GOD FUCK WALKING WHERE'S THE SUBWAY I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR LIKE AN HOUR AAAAAAAAA**

Needless to say I was starting to feel fatigued from my walk to "Planeptune." It seemed to go further the more I walked, but that could simply be me going insane from the continued boredom of simply walking with nothing to distract me.

Eventually after what felt like hours (but was in reality, a single one thanks to my watch.) I reached the outskirts of the metropolis. It was definitely smaller than I remember, which was odd. Still, I was here.

Ivory buildings flanked me as I headed towards the Basilicom. Why the Basilicom? Because, that's where the important shit happens, of course! Still, people were giving me odd looks as I wandered about, probably due to the shorts I were wearing. I don't do shorts well, I must admit. One of my many, many flaws.

As I was walking, I felt _something_ bump against my leg. I should watch where I walk. Still, what did I bump into? Looking down, I- **holy shit.**

I accidentally ran into a child. Her brown hair looked like it hadn't been cut in a while, as if she was growing it out herself. Her jacket was _way_ too big for her, considering the fact it wasn't even zipped up, exposing her inner layer of clothing. From the looks of things, she was a fan of buttons, as she had plenty of them scattered on her jacket. Still, her emerald eyes were filled with tears, as if she was about to cr-

Wait, emerald eyes? An oversized jacket? Trying way too hard to be cool? **It's IF!** But smaller and cuter! And about to burst into waterworks! Shit! Big brother instinct I didn't know I had kicked in as I patted the small girl in a desperate attempt to comfort her.

Somehow, this worked and the adorable child gradually calmed down, before silence fell between us. In this moment I realized that I was staring at a 5 year old and will probably end up getting weird looks if this continued.

I think IF realized this herself, as she suddenly took off away from me, arms behind her like that would do anything to help her. I think I saw that type of run in an anime before, but…

Oh right, I should probably go after her. A kid running around a city unsupervised would be bad news, so I followed her. Seems that my running speed has increased quite a bit over the last while, as I was able to keep up with the full tilt force of a sprinting child at the very least.

Eventually, the child IF turned and ran into a building. I followed suit, despite every part of me screaming that it was a horrible idea. Still, I ran in and…

This is just the fucking Basilicom! The Planeptune Basilicom to be more precise. This is bullshit asset reuse! Still, that means if I go up the elevator…

_Ding_

Well, this wasn't the Planeptune Basilicom I was used to. It looked more like Neptune's room, but with less pudding and more garish bullshit everywhere. More like a daycare than an actual government building.

I'm a 20 something male with no children who followed a child into here because she looked like my girlfriend. I'm on a fucking _list_ for this.

I notice two other girls around the same age as IF, not aware of my presence. One was clearly Compa, by her adorableness and carrying a fucking _needle._ The other one however, seemed to be unfamiliar. She wore an outfit reminiscent of a bee, with black and yellow stripes everywhere. Her hands were covered in paw gloves, while the top of her half blonde half ginger head had a bonbon on it for decoration. As was a common theme, pants were overrated, but she wore sensible shoes at least. Actually, the red and white design looks a little bit familar… Nah, I'm crazy.

Oh god, I did the inner monologue again. Why is this girl charging towards me? Is she going to hu-

"PEASHY PAUNCH!" She yelled, before striking… **ow.** I collapsed, holding my jewels as I regretted never donating my DNA for science. Looks like I'm not having children, thanks kid.

"BAD PEDOPHILE! BAD!" She kicked me while I was down in the stomach, causing me to squirm more. This kid was _violent_, but she had a point.

"P-Peashy! Please stop attacking the stranger! (O_o)", an adorable, oddly familiar voice piped up. As the assault on my most manly of parts ended, a book fairy appeared before my eyes. She was as you might imagine, very small. **WHY IS EVERYTHING HERE SMALL AND ADORABLE.**

"Well, my pride is ruined. But thanks for the save."I state, still in immense pain from the pummeling. Absolute low blow right there.

"I can only apologise so much for her. (_)" Smol Histoire spoke up again, emoticons appearing out of her book to reflect her emotions, apparently. "Peashy! No pudding for 3 days! At least, if there are any left in the first place. (-_-;)"

Slowly hoisting myself up, I glared at the pouting child as Smol Compa came up to me with an ice pack. "H-Here you go Mister. I tell Peashy to not play so rough, but she never listens." God, she's so precious. They all are precious cinnamon rolls that I need to protect with my life!

Woah, I need to dial back the Oni-Chan tones. It'd be weird if that came out of my mouth. ""T-Thanks, kiddo. I'm Koei, by the way. Sorry for intruding, but I bumped into IF over there by accident and wanted to apologise. I got more than what I bargained for, it seems."

As I inserted the ice pack into my shorts, IF gave me a confused look. Oh right, I wasn't supposed to know her name. "H-Hey, how did you know my name?" She asked, somewhat hesitant as she stepped in front of Compa. Even when she's facing down someone twice her size, she wants to protect Compa. It's _so damn endearing, fuck._

Resisting the urge to audibly squee, I decided just to come out and state the truth. "I'm from a different dimension. I… _know_ your older self. You're gonna grow up to be a fine young lady, IF. Same to you, Compa."

I felt a weight on my back as Peashy stared me in the eyes, her face upside down and her hair flying freely. "What about Pea? What about Pea?"

I shrugged, despite the weight. "No clue on you. Don't think you exist in the dimension I'm from, sorry kid."

Her smile turned to a frown. "O-oh. Does that mean that Ploot doesn't exist there either? I miss Ploot…"

Ploot, huh? Could that be… "About yay high, sleepy girl who wears slippers, likes making plushies?" I opt to leave out "Absolute psychopath in her CPU form", for the sake of the children.

"You know of her current location?（ ﾟ Дﾟ)" Histoire flew up to my face, scaring the tyke off my back with a _thud._ She didn't seem hurt, though, judging by her giggling. "She's been missing for approximately three weeks at this point, so any details would be most appreciated! (・_・;)"

"Three _weeks?_" I don't bother to hide my own shock. "She only turned up about 3 days ago in my dimension, along with some Elder Dragon or other."

Histoire grimly nodded. "Then it seems that our dimensions have some… Chronological disparity. This isn't good. (._.)"

"You're telling me. Still, if time passes at 1/7th the rate here compared to back home, then we have more time to work with, right? Still, I have no service to call Histoire back home…"

"W-Well, I could try poking around the dimensional fabric of reality to see if any rifts are currently open to allow a signal to travel to that dimension if need be. It will take about 3 hours to check it, however." Histoire's expression turned back to concern. "Can you look after these three while I do that? I'd hate to be a bother, but they're not exactly the most well-behaved when Plutia isn't around. (^_^;)"

Oh god, I'm a babysitter now. "Are you _sure_ about this? We literally just met." For once, I was serious. It's super weird to have three kids suddenly dumped on you by a talking book fairy. Even that _sentence_ is weird!

"I do have some faith in you, Koei. You know about Plutia's existence, so if you _dared_ to do anything to her adopted sisters… (°_°)"

That didn't _need_ finishing, as the usually stoic and calm Histoire was shaking. _Fucking. Shaking. _"Y-yeah."I sweat nervously. "I know how much a CPU can fu- mess you up first hand. She has _an aura_ about her."

Histoire nodded in agreement. "I concur. Anyway, it is time to search the dimensional fabric for any holes. Wish me luck, Koei. (^_^)"

And with that her eyes glazed over as she started making modem noises. _Fuckin'. Modem. Noises._ Whatever. This left me with three children, one who could kick my ass easily if she wanted to, one being my girlfriend in another dimension and the wanna be nurse who _still has a needle on her_ and is trying to inject it into IF. _Christ._

"Uh, Compa? You know that's dangerous." I took the needle away from the child before she could stab anyone with it. The disappointment on her face was palatable and I did feel bad, but kids and sharp objects do _not_ mix,

"Hey Koei, what's that thing on your back?" IF's voice called out from behind me, as I remembered I had a backpack o- Feeling my back, I didn't. It seems it fell off at some point, judging by the fact it was placed neatly in a corner. Still, what could be on my back?

Feeling around, I eventually hit upon a handle. Slowly pulling it out, it was the renewed Serenity. So that's where it went, huh. Taking a seat on a dogoo-shaped bean bag, I examined Serenity a bit. She was a sweetie alright and I'm not shocked that IF would be curious. "Ah, sidearm of choice for adventuring. An ancient relic of Lowee, reforged into the ultimate Spellblade. You like it, IF?"

IF's eyes sparkled at my _slight_ exaggeration. I mean, it wasn't false, I just didn't know if there was anything more powerful. "It's… Beautiful. One day, I wanna be a Spellblade too!... But I'm not into swords." IF put a hand to her chin, her sleeve crumpling as she raised her arm.

"I mean, I know someone who uses katars, which are little blades you can wield in your hand." Ignoring the fact that IF _herself _uses them. I want this to feel like her choice. Yes I **am** manipulating a child. I have no real reason to aside from see what would happen.

IF clapped her covered hands together. "Yes! That sounds _awesome!_" Her voice nearly broke from the excitement. She's so damn adorable. I want her as a little chunni plushie to hold forever and ever…

I don't have a problem. Shut up. Before I could get more weird looks, the elevator made a _ding _from behind me and shifted myself towards the new challenger.

Oh, it was Noire. Yeah why am I not surprised that Noire exists in this dimension? Aside from her baring her midriff more, she looked about the same as the Noire I already knew and loved… To troll relentlessly. Just with more blue.

"Hey." I waved at the tsundere. "You need somethin', because Histoire is…" I pointed to the book fairy, still making modem noises while Compa poked at her. The size comparison was weird to say the least.

Noire's look grew worried. "I assume Plutia is still missing? It's been a while since I last saw her and not seeing her and knowing she's okay is making work harder and harder to focus on…"

I gave her a look of sympathy as I remembered IF. _My_ IF. It's only been an hour or so and I still feel like a part of me is missing. Catching my glance, she blushed before activating her tsundere mode. "I-It's not like I miss her or anything! I just worry about her nation and these kids is all!"

I nod in a way that implied that she was correct without looking too much like a suck up. So just a nod. "Sure, whatever. You wanna help me look after these tykes?"

Noire looked offended. "H-Hey, Don't dump this on me as well! I have a job, dammit!"

I roll my eyes as I get up and slotted Serenity back in my scabbard. "Sure, that's why you're here in Planeptune. Come on then, let's get something actually done while you're here."

Noire thought for a moment. "Well, there is _one thing_ I should probably check in on while I'm here. Plus, the best way to bond with someone is while questing, right?"

I shrugged. "Sure, whatever. One thing, though." I spun on my heel and pointed to the trio of terror, who were all now poking Histoire. "We should probably bring them with us. Not only did Histoire trust me with them, I don't think she appreciates the poking."

Norie sighed. "_Fine._ They'd probably end up breaking something if we left them be… Can you at least change into something with less _leg_ first? Their hairiness is disturbing." She motioned to my legs, which were in fact pretty hairy. Hey, I never wore shorts, okay?

I rolled my eyes as I headed towards my backpack and got out my other outfit, before heading to a bedroom and changing into something more… _fabulous!_

A few moments later, I emerged with my more iconic Planeptune outfit equipped, covering my awful body up. Planeptune did feel colder anyway, so this was helpful.

Noire eyed me up and down. "Good enough, let's go." She motioned for us to follow her.

"Yay, we're goin' on a trip with auntie Nowa!" Peashy cheered, as the ebony tsundere blushed, but didn't say anything. She seemed appreciative of the nickname, as I would be too.

"Speaking of names," I start while the elevator slowly descended with the 5 of us in. "I'm Koei. Local interdimensional traveller and person who knows Plutia, I guess." I didn't really have any accomplishments here to boast about.

Noire nodded simply as the tube fell surprisingly silent.

* * *

Ahh, the air here felt clearer. As if this place was less developed that the Planeptune back home. I mean that was obviously why the air was clearer, but I needed something to occupy my mind on this walk. Noire was silent at the front, with me following directly behind. The children were chattering excitedly amongst themselves. It was fine, but I had nothing to really talk about. I'd met these people like _an hour ago_, three of them were kids and the other one didn't seem up for a conversation. Still, where were we going?

Eventually, we came across something other than green pastures. Yellowish bricks started to appear, culminating in a large temple entrance consisting of the same bricks, contrasted by moss everywhere. As expected of a location like this, it had mobs randomly wandering around, minding their own business and generally being peaceful.

As expected from any hyperactive child, Peashy jumped right at one of the enemies, some sort of cat with gloves and started beating the everloving hell out of it. Not really shocking, but _christ._

"I uh… She's always like this, right?" I pointed to the whirling mass of pain that was Peashy as I turned to Noire, hoping she'd give me some form of answer.

Noire shrugged in response. "This is pretty much how Plutia described her, yeah. This was not unexpected. Just try to keep up, won't you?" she then grabbed her sword from _somewhere_ and charged into battle herself. I turned back to IF and Compa, who were just sitting on bricks chatting to each other while eating pudding. Dammit, it's so _precious,_ why didn't I bring a camera?

Still, I grabbed Serenity and made off myself towards the mass of enemies. I kicked over a kitty before slashing at a ghost-type thing. Seriously, it looked like a floating blob with a sheet. It didn't put up much of a fight as it dissipated into data and Credits. Just like old times, I had to manually pick them up as the UI Gloves were still offline and were just fingerless gloves. Kept my hands warm at least. With loot collected, I looked around for something _else_ to murder.

As it turns out, the combination of Peashy and Noire was enough to clear the general area, with Peashy bouncing in place, plenty of energy still in her. IF and Compa followed the hyperactive half-pint, They didn't really seem like fighters themselves yet. Then again, I've never seen Compa fight, but her giant needle is a tipoff that she _probably does combat._ Thoughts about how much poison in those needles aside, I followed suit in order to explore the depths of the temple. Why the hell not, I had to look after the kids anyway, so it was sort of a win/win?

Whatever, I kept Serenity on hand, slinging it over my shoulder as we headed further in. It was honestly a nice change of pace from destroyed factories and random-ass fields. Though in a sense this was just a destroyed factory, just ancient.

Climbing over a pile of bricks, Noire had stopped in front of a pedestal. Following suit, I found what she was looking at. A flat, diamond-shaped, amethyst crystal was placed there, a power icon engraved inside of it as it glowed with a mysterious light.

"Just what in the hell…" I mutter in awe at the jewel. It seemed to call for me. I must take it. I must. I started to trek towards it as it kept calling me.

Suddenly, Noire's arm shot out in front of me, stopping me cold. "Woah there, hotshot. You _do_ realize what that is, right?"

"No. But it called to me." I state simply, looking at Noire and looking back at the crystal, then back to Noire. She was giving me a _look._ Namely one that spelled a exposition dump, yay!

"_That_ is a CPU Memory. _Extremely_ rare gems that have a 50% chance of ascending someone to a CPU. It's how Plutia became one, it's how I became one, it's how Lowee's CPU supposedly became one... I have to keep an eye to potential future rivals and I don't _dare_ take this for fear of what Plutia would do to me if she found out." Noire exposited, as the kids just wandered about.

"So what happens the other 50% of the time?" I question. She seemed to be the expert of this sort of thing.

"Oh you turn into a horrific monstrosity that's rumoured to be in great pain eternally until someone puts you down. Nothing much." **JESUS FUCK.** I stepped away from the crystal. That thing's dangerous. "Also it's rumoured that the chance goes even higher if you have a y chromosome." She then learned into my ear. "That means I'd avoid touching it, considering you're a dude…"

"I passed Biology, thanks." I gently push her away. "Still, why keep it here?"

"Nobody's stupid enough to go wandering around in temples for no reason. Especially with these monsters around. There used to be two here, but…"

Uh oh. "But?"

"Well, let's just say this is where I became a CPU and sort of kinda deepened my relationship with Pluta." She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly with a blush. "W-We're just friends, by the way! It'd be weird if we rivals were lovers!"

Uh-huh. Sure. "So, just checking on this one use ascension gem, with three hyperactive children in tow. What could _possibly go wro-_"

A crashing through the ceiling interrupted my clear invoking of _that_ particular cliche. Noire shot me a dirty look as the dust settled and the figure made themselves known.

"'Sup." She stated. Oh right, this was this dimension's version of White Heart. Same flatness, same cockiness in her eyes, just with some red on the sides. Well, the outfit was a little different, but _aside_ from that…

"You… You're-" Noire started.

"Shut it. I don't care. I'm here for the CPU Memory. With the CPU of Planeptune missing, this should have been an easy smash 'n grab, but with you brats in my way…"

"Wow, violent! Look, we can just go if you really want. I'll even keep quiet, right Noire?" I turned to the ebony haired girl, who had a nonplussed look of "really?" on her face.

"No. The CPU of Lastation refuses to bend the knee to this cocky, flat chested bully." Noire replied, seriousness in her tone. Jeez, she almost sounded lik-

And she's transforming. I wanted to avoid Death By CPU! I thought I did! Black Heart was actually different, with her hair more resembling her human form (But still white) and her outfit being more gray. Man, these pallete swaps are getting boring.

"Tch. Fuckin' brats. Alright, I'm game. The power of Lowee will crush you all!" White Heart out her big-ass axe and Black Heart did likewise. I turned to the children, who were enthralled by the incoming brawl as I sighed and pointed Serenity at the enemy CPU.

"Alright, but I didn't agree to this." I state with resignation in my voice.

I mean, my ass was grass either way, might as well go with the tsundere on this one.

**Koei and Black Heart**

**Vs.**

**White Heart**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

* * *

**A/N: **Cliffhanger motherfucker! Yeah, sorry for blue-ballsing but I realised that the fight would bloat up the chapter way too much and this is already 5 days late.

Now for **Sociopath Facts!** The segment I may or may not cancel.

\- I was originally going to have Koei and IF go on a date to a 5pb. concert that I hinted at earlier in the story! I didn't go with this because I figured that another chapter of buggery fuck happening wouldn't be very "Adventure". I'm not saying the idea is entirely discarded, however.

\- This chapter nearly took two weeks because I had no idea what I wanted to do. I only got the Ultradimension idea about... 3/4 days ago? Maybe a few more? The idea of White Heart _literally_ dropping in only came yesterday.

\- Speaking of, you might notice a small, tiny **glaring plothole** in the form of White Heart being framed as a villain. I have no way to explain this in-story because it needs meta knowledge. Without Rei to send Neptune to Ultradimension, she doesn't piss off Noire a ton. With a calmer Noire, she doesn't annoy Plutia with her complaints about Lowee, meaning that they never go to Lowee and that arc never finishes with Blanc reluctently joining the crew after Plutia comforts her. (Genuinely my favourite scene in RB3.)

\- Ultradimension's timeline is probably going to end up _more_ fucked than Hyperdimension due to no Neptune/Gear interference. Oh and Ploot being missing for 3 weeks, that's bad too.

\- The more I rely on Rifts as a catch all for bullshit plot, the more I realise that my endgame for explaining them is going to be hilariously out of left-field and fucked. Look guys if you came here for actual plot shit, you came to the wrong fanfiction.

That's all for _Sociopath Facts._ Mmm, that's good padding!


	20. Basically, Blanc's Beatdown

**A/N: **Alright, skipping the formalities due to the massive blue balling last chapter. **MAILBAG! GO!**

**Destroyer Harekazi Kai: **Extremely. Koei is socially inept and cannot show affection properly under preassure, apparently. Totally not me being a hack and trying to write something to show that Koei would miss IF. N o p e.

Also there's not an IF plush… yet. Still, hope you enjoy this next mess.

**Ryan4ever2016: **HONOR! JUSTICE! REINHARDT REINHARDT REINHARDT!

**Blaze2121: **Am I _that_ transparent? _Sweats nervously_

Well, don't need these anymore. _Burns plans to the ground_ screw you guys, I'm gonna go write Azur Lane fanfiction! (I may or may not have watched the first episode of the anime before this.)

That and Koei's theme has been predecided. It's _No Pain No Game_, the Btooom! OP. Preferably one of the English covers, but definitely that OP. It may or may not be relevant later.

**Blackswordgames: **Oh _god_, imagine him dual-weilding Kirito style.

**Saur12667: **My shilling paid off! **YES!** Enjoy the carnage!

**Speaking of carnage, let's do this!**

* * *

**(Current Music: Tomboyish Girl in Love - S.S.H. & Aether)**

A tense silence fell between us as we awaited the first strike. White Heart was tapping her foot impatiently, a maniac grin on her face. She seemed to _want_ this fight to happen.

Turning to Black Heart, she scanned her rival CPU for any weakness. I simply put my bag down and drew Peace… Or was it Tranquility? Either way, I drew one of the pistols before moving my backpack somewhere safe. My beer's important, dammit.

Still, with everything grabbed, I shot at White Heart, aiming for the face in particular. To nobody's shock, I missed, not that aiming well would have made a difference, as White Heart slickly dodged out of the way before throwing her axe in retaliation. I barely dodged as I fired another two shots, both missing as well.

"Your aim sucks!" White Heart taunted as she rushed past me to retrieve her weapon. I didn't need to know your opinion on my aiming skills, but you know. Whatever.

"She has a point…" Black Heart agreed, also rushing past me to get the first strike on her rival. **Thanks. **I rolled my eyes and prepared to fire a Frostblast at either one of them to shut them up, but before I could I felt a pain in my chest.

"Ugh!" The hell? Trying to cast _hurts?_ Right, Mana Burnout is a thing… Looks like I'm just a swordsman with a pistol for now.

The clashing of blades tipped me off that the real fight had only just begun, as I charged towards the fighting duo. Unfortunately, it looked like I couldn't make heads or tails of what the hell was going on. It semed that CPU duels were pretty hardcore affairs, judging by the fact that both White and Black Heart were more like blurs. I stepped back and turned to the children, who were still enraptured, but standing a reasonably safe distance away, thankfully.

This distraction led to _something_ hitting me as I fell back, letting go of Serenity in the process. It was Black Heart, judging by the toned ass that was not on top of me and silvery hair flowing.

Not being into tsunderes, I threw her off of me before dusting myself off and getting back up, grabbing Serenity in the process. Black Heart looked pretty hurt, but still fine for now. Still, this left me with just White Heart.

"One powerless CPU down, now for you." She stated simply before leaping into the air, the light glinting off of her axe from the destroyed ceiling. It was quite the sight, once again I wish I had a camera on me.

Oh, then I got smacked by her axe because I was too busy gazing at the beautiful imagery. Ow. That was an instant knockdown for me, as face met ground.

Slamming my fist onto the ground, I got back up, Peace (Oh hey, there's the P engraved on the pistol!) And carefully aimed a shot as she swaggered towards me.

_Pew!_

Bang. The bullet hit her right in the chest… Before bouncing off entirely. To the shot's credit, it caused her wings to phase out for a moment, causing her to fall to the ground, but they came back very quickly. The stun seemed to only last a moment however, so it wasn't much of an effect.

"Ugh!" White Heart moaned as she got back on her feet, Not much time to think, gotta fight on my feet and go with the flow. "Bastard…" White Heart muttered as her axe raised again. "Your ass is grass, shitheel!"

I panicked and fired a few shots from Peace, my less dominant hand feeling the recoil from the shots. They all missed as White Heart continued advancing, shit shit shit.

Fuck it. I gripped Serenity in one hand, preparing to strike with it. Playing defensive wasn't my forte, but White Heart was a tough cookie it seemed. A very prideful one at that.

White Heart lazily swung her axe as I dodged in the appropriate direction and struck her middle with Serenity. Surprisingly, despite the strong hit it didn't seem to damage her clothing.

White Heart groaned in pain as her axe swung again. I was unable to dodge this time and ate protons as the axe caught me in the face. Once again, _ow._

My face met ground as White Heart once again swaggered over to me, shit-eating grin in tow. Pain coursed through my veins as she stepped on my back. Ooh, that felt goo- **oh, oh, oh. Owwwwwwww.**

"Ngh." I groan as her foot dug into my back. From what little I could see, she was raising her axe, probably going for an executioner style decapitation.

Jesus _fuck_ I'm gonna die to the flat cuss fairy. _Again._ This is bullshit, I befriended the other Blanc, why the hell is there another version of her?

Speaking of other versions, Black Heart swooped in to save me with a dropkick. I forgot she existed for a moment, heh.

Getting up from my _relaxing massage_, I nodded at the CPU to acknowledge her presence and thank her for saving me. After a nod in return, I twirled Serenity in preparation to resume the fight.

White Heart had recovered from the surprise attack and was starting to spin up to prepare for her next strike. Knowing that it would be coming in advance, I took evasive maneuvers as Black Heart looked at me. I gestured for her to fall back as well, which she did gladly, leaping back before hovering a good few centimeters off the ground as we kept an eye on the spinning CPU.

A good couple of seconds later, White Heart slammed her axe down… In entirely the wrong direction. She leant on her axe, clutching her head as she groaned.

"Little trick I learned. Close your eyes when you spin." I stated, walking up to the dizzy CPU, smacking her on the back of the head with the blunt end of Serenity, making her fall over. She groaned again as I kicked her while she was down. Pretty dirty, but she was going to _fucking decapitate me_, some payback was required.

Stepping back after a few well earned kicks, I waited for her to get back up. And waited.

A few moments pass as White Heart slammed her fist into the ground, causing it to crack as she got back up. "I'm not outta the fight yet, shitheels."

She turned to us, her calm demeanour contrasting with the absolute death in her eyes. Clearly kicking her while she was down was a _bad_ idea as the tranquil fury of Lowee's CPU shined through.

Black Heart prepared her blade, turning to me as I prepared Serenity accordingly. Suddenly White Heart charged us with a blood curdling battle cry as she violently struck Black Heart with a surprisingly fast swing. Not a second later I was forced to dodge several shockingly speedy swings from the berserk goddess. Eventually I was able to sneak in a swing of Serenity followed by firing a few point blank shots of Peace into her face, stunning her temporarily as I took the adrenaline from my counterattack and grabbed White Heart's face with both hands before _slamming_ her into my knee. **OW. FUCK. BAD IDEA.**

Impressive amount of damage caused to my knee aside, I fell to the ground, clutching my knee in pain as Black Heart walked over to me and sighed. "Koei, you aren't the _brightest_, are you?"

"Shaddup and get me a fucking healing potion." I winced through the pain as she complied, heading towards my bag and rooting through it. White Heart seemed to be out of it at least and she'd better be, I almost broke my knee with that stunt. After a few moments of regretting my last few actions, Black Heart returned to my vision, passing me a Nep Bull. Nodding gratefully, I took a moment to take in the taste of this awfully useful beverage before getting back up. My knee still hurts like hell, but I wasn't out of the fight yet.

Looking around, it seems the kids had lost their mettle for the fight and were cowering behind some bricks. I did feel bad for bringing them now, but it wasn't exactly _my _fault that things turned out this way. Speaking of faults, I turned to White Heart, who was getting up yet again, albeit much more slowly. She was getting worn down by this so this might be a last ditch effort. Sighing in resignation, I limped to a position where I could anticipate attacks while dodging anything she could throw at me. Was getting _real tired _of this shit. Struggling to get onto her feet, White Heart had to use her axe as a crutch to even stand, let alone attack. She coughed as she revealed her face, blood splattered on it as fresh blood poured out of her newly broken nose. _Jesus._

"I… I won't quit." words came out slowly as her axe was hefted onto her shoulder. "Y-your cheap bullshit tactics can only get ya so far against me." She seemed to be recovering fast, so I chugged down the rest of my Nep Bull before she could try anything.

Determination crossed the injured flatty's face as she uncracked her nose with one hand before slamming her axe down on the ground next to her. "It's no use begging for mercy, **HARD BREAK!**"

She charged towards me in particular and with a mighty swing, caught both me and Black Heat with a single hit, launching us across the temple floor. Black Heart was able to keep on her feet barely while I was not, being catapulted to the ground. This was before the earthquake caused by her slamming into the ancient ruins with her axe, so she soon joined me on the floor. A moment or two later I was forced to eat a flying axe as White Heart charged past us to grab her weapon. "EAT SHIT AND **DIE!**" She screamed as she brought her axe down for a final blow. With that earlier hit, I wouldn't have been able to move out of the way in time, and it looked like Black Heart was out of it too. If I weren't in this situation several times before, I'd probably sigh in resignation of my incoming demise, rather than…

"GET AWAY FROM AUNTIE NOWA!" There it is, as _something_ crashed into the oncoming truck that was White Heart, knocking her into the ground, **hard.**

Still though, that voice, it was childish, yet had an aggressive overtone to it. As she three point landed, I took a look at my saviour.

She wore the usual CPU attire it seemed. White armor accented with black highlights, and she was one of the more _generic looking_ CPUs, aside from the obvious assets that I refuse to point out. Well, that and the _motherfucking laser claws. _Well, gauntlets with laser claws at the end, she still had hands. Guess she was a bit more unique than at first glance, then. I don't know, okay? I'm just trying not to focus on her assets. That shit's weird.

So let's look up a bit at the determined grin of hers, along with neon yellow eyes and the most blonde blonde that you could blonde. She's very _yellow._

"Fuck it, you're Yellow Heart now." I state simply, placing my hand on the CPU's shoulder. She seemed confused but nodded at her new name. Well, Big Tiddy Onee-San isn't really a good goddess name, might as well keep with "Color" Heart for these.

"I don't know how you're being so _casual_ about this." Black Heart had stolen two potions from my backpack and started necking one herself after handing me one.

"This isn't the first time I've been saved by a CPU. Nor the first one that I've only just met." I took a swig before pointing to the altar where the CPU Memory… _used_ to reside. "However, being saved by a CPU who had just been created…"

Black Heart twigged on to my very subtle prodding and her eyes widened. "Plutia is going to **fucking end** us, you do realize that?"

"N-not if I end you f-first!" White Heart got up once again, nothing if not determined to have her face pounded into the ground once again as Yellow Heart giggled in excitement.

Yeah, only Peashy would be _this_ excited about imminent violence, from my brief time with her this much was obvious. And now she was a _physical goddess_. "For the record, you did this to yourself Peashy. Thanks for the save, though."

Yellow Heart rubbed her head sheepishly. "S-sorry. I knew that Ploot would be real sad if Nowa got hurt, so I had to take the shiny stone to become a… CPU? I wasn't listening too much when you were talking earlier."

D'aww. "S'all good. Now we have a problem to solve."

**Koei, Yellow Heart and Black Heart**

**Vs.**

**White Heart**

**Ready?**

**FIG-**

"Ngh." White Heart collapsed onto one knee, breathing heavily. "N-no… My strength… Not… Like… This."

**(Music End)**

With those final words, White Heart fell to the ground before any of us could react, disappearing into a flash of light to reveal her human form. Unsurprisingly, it was Blanc. Blanc in a more Japanese inspired outfit, however. I believe it's called a shrine maiden outfit? Well, red and white made for a nice pair of colours and the outfit was cute.

"It seems that we wore her down… Somehow." Noire sighed in relief, before turning to me and the still transformed Yellow Heart. "You uh… Gonna go back to your other form, Peashy?"

She tilted her head, before scratching her chin with her claw in introspection. Honestly, if I had those claws I'd probably have tried to use my hand to poor results. "You mean like, just _think_ about becoming sma-"

A flash of light indicated that yes, it was that simple. An interesting insight into the workings of CPUs aside, a quick glance to me with a look of "I don't feel comfortable talking to her in that form" tipped me off as to her ulterior motive.

Poor Peashy, she's so naive to her body's… _issues_. Pretty sure a cup size that big only exists in hentai, so seeing it in person was surreal.

Well, the entirety of _today_ has been surreal. It's been a long fucking day. With a sigh, I put my equipment back in my bag before hefting it onto my back. "Well, we're burning daylight and I don't want any more surprise visitors, so if you don't mind…"

"B-But…" Compa's fearful voiced piped up. "What about her?" She pointed to Blanc's unconscious body. Right, her.

I turned to Noire, who didn't really seem to care. "She _just tried_ to murder us. Leave her to the Dogoos." she coldly stated before heading towards the exit.

"B-But... " Compa sniffled, clearly upset at the lack of fucks Noire gave towards her fellow CPU.

"Noire… I agree with you to an extent, but I don't want to leave someone who needs help to their fate. I believe in second chances, as I'm only here because of a second chance, so if I can bring that to someone else, that'd make me happy." My tone became surprisingly somber as I realize that I'm bargaining with Noire for someone's _life._ In front of _children._

Noire seemed to sag under the emotional weight a little. "Come on Koei, You can't possibly act like you weren't about to get murdered by her. She wouldn't give us the same mercy, why should we?"

Jeez, the CPUs back home were never this "Kill or be killed" before. Hell, they seemed to oppose needless violence, not commit to it. "Well, there's Compa over here, who probably doesn't want to see people be harmed unnecessarily." I point to the sniffling child, who nodded in agreement, though I don't she understood what I was saying. "The other two kids, who rely on you and Plutia for moral guidance, more than likely." My hand went towards IF and Peashy who were… _Less_ traumatized, though I swore I could see a glint of fear in IF's eyes as she looked at me before turning away suddenly. "And of course… _Plutia._"

Noire started to sweat. "Y-you're really pulling the Plutia card? You spineless little-!"

I walked away from the ebony haired CPU towards the unconscious girl. As she was face down, I took the time to flip her over. Unfortunately, the damage from our battle had carried over to her human form, so her nose was _fucking busted._

"Compa honey, pass me a healing potion, won't you?" I ask the nurse-in-training, turning her as she approached the body.

She umm'd and ahh'd as she examined the body, not flinching an inch at all the blood pouring down her face. "You don't need a healing potion for that." She pulled out some bandages from a purse I didn't know she had, before wrapping lifting Blanc's head and slowly wrapping bandages around her face, starting with her nose. I'm pretty sure that's _not _how that worked, but it was better than nothing. Fastening the bandages and stepping away from the body, Compa seemed satisfied with her "work", returning to the cautious IF and excited Peashy.

Guess I'll do the heavy lifting, then. Grabbing Blanc and hoisting her over my shou-

"Agh!" My knee, **fuck.** Nearly dropping Blanc, Noire rushed over to grab her for me as I rested my knee. Noire gave me a look of concern as she shifted the unconscious CPU into a more comfortable position on her shoulder.

She sighed for a moment. "Alright, alright. You're already carrying that bag of yours, I _suppose_ I'll help you out this once."

"Yeah. Thanks." I got back up eventually. My knee still hurts like hell, but it didn't feel like it would snap in half with the weight. "Alright, let's back before more sh-" I realized there were still kids around. "Things happen."

And thus off we fucked back to the Basilicom, a new unwilling party member in tow and a brand new CPU to boot. Progress, hi-ho!

* * *

Ah, the Planeptunean sunset is lovely. The less developed Nation certainly had a better natural light to it, without the imposing towers flanking everywhere, you got to see a lot more of the orange sky. It seemed that this place was a lot more peaceful than back in the other Planeptune at least.

Still, we carried our quarry in silence. Not really much to talk about and I'd rather just focus on the walk itself. Still wish I had a camera, though. Maybe I'll buy one when we get back.

* * *

Eventually we reached the Basilicom, with the kids all safely relaxing on some bean bag chairs, Noire and I shuffled off to a guest bedroom in order to help our newest recruit get some rest. After removing the bandage, (Rather predictably, the bleeding had stopped a while ago, so we ended up washing the dried parts off with a sponge we found) we considered our options.

"We can't just _leave _her like this." I mutter. "When she wakes up you _know _she'll freak out and that'd just make things worse for everyone."

Noire shrugged "You'd think saving her life would be enough to not do that? God, what a baby."

I rolled my eyes. "She just fell unconscious due to _something_ in front of two CPUs and some random dude, and is going to wake up, probably in pain in a completely unfamiliar place. My emotional state wouldn't be all there either." I argue back, probably a bit indignant. "I've been in that situation before."

Noire put a hand to her face, before muttering something along the lines of "why am I not surprised" before turning back to me. "Fine, so you're keeping watch on her? Someone needs to look after the kids." Clattering could be heard from outside, as Noire sighed. "_Someone_ has to."

With that, she left the room. I elected to leave with her momentarily to go grab a beer. The more things change, after all.

Opening it up, I looked at Planeptune's landscape, painted in orange as the sun went to rest. It's been a hell of a long day, so I want to rest myself. Turning around, the compact version of Histoire didn't look done with her… Dimensional poking, whatever. I headed back to Blanc's temporary residence and pulled up a chair, ensuring the girl would be alright during her rest as I decided to unsober up.

Ahhh. Tastes like victory. And cheap booze.

* * *

An hour or so passed by rather quickly, The sounds of excited children outside aside, it was relaxing just sitting here getting hammered while looking out for the sleeping Blanc. For all the shit she's put us through, she looks totally content in that bed. Dammit, everyone here is too adorable. That's a problem!

The door quietly opened as Noire poked her head in. She motioned for me to follow her and I complied, leaving Blanc to rest. Entering the main living room, everyone was gathered around the smaller Histoire, who was projecting something above her head. That something was the _other_ Histoire I knew and loved, who had Neptune and Nepgear behind her.

"Huh, neat." I note as I walked into view of the projection. "Just like the UI Gloves." I wanted to poke at it, but Histoire seemed to be concentrating hard to keep it up, so I decided to cut to the chase. "So, whaddya want, I was drinking."

The other Histoire sighed in frustration. "Of course you were." Her brow unfurrowed. "I have good news about your… Dimensionally challenged state of affairs."

"Oh?" I prod curiously, not literally due to the other fairy's concentration.

"Well, I've managed to call in some favours and we are currently working on a way to connect this dimension to your current location in order to return Plutia to her home, along with obviously bringing you back."

"I'm curious, but I suppose that can wait until I get back." I mused. "Also this dimensional talk is getting me confused."

Neptune nodded in the background. "I agree! How about we call this place "Awesome Planeptune" and where Koei is "Fuc-""

"Don't." I place a hand on my face. "Let's go with something far more sensible."

Histoire sighed. "I concur. How about we call here Hyperdimension? I believe that flamboyant hacker who is helping us calls his home "Ultradimension"?"

I shoot a thumbs up. "Sounds good. Now onto actual business. How long before your thing's done with?"

"About 10 hours, give or take. However, I sense a chronological disparity in Ultradimension, so for you it'll be around… 3 days. Thankfully once both dimensions are linked, that will disappear."

Son of a _bitch_. "I… I see." I say despondently. "I suppose I still have business to deal with here."

Histoire tilted her head in confusion. "What do you me-"

"WHERE THE **FUCK** AM I NOW?" Came the angry yelling of one Blanc.

"_That._ I'll explain when I get back, but Plutia didn't exactly reach out to unite the CPUs." I rubbed my head sheepishly. "Hell, I'm not even sure if there _is_ a Leanbox here."

Plutia conveniently wandered into frame. "Oh, hey Kopey! I forget if there's a version of Leanbox back hooome, but I'm sure you'll be _fiiine_ even without Vert around!~"

"Yeah, thanks. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go have my face pounded in." I say with some measure of sarcasm in my voice.

"W-well, try not to get any _more_ damaged, heh. Iffy would break up with you if you lost your rugged looks." Neptune piped up again and I wanted to smack her.

"... Fuck off, Nep." I stated simply before leaving. The smaller Compa seemed to be startled by the lovely sound of Blanc's yelling, but IF was comforting her, so I needn't have worried. I had bigger things on my plate.

Heading back to the bedroom, Blanc was most certainly awake and most certainly _angry_. I leaned on the wall, out of imminent death range from the angry loli.

"Waddup." I state simply, my casual demeanour betraying my sheer panic.

Blanc was not pleased. "**You.**" She got up and walked towards me, ready to swing. I sighed as I anticipated more pain today.

To my surprise, no punch came as she put down her arm, sighing in defeat. Lot of _sighing_ going on today. "God, I'm such a failure."

I tilt my head in confusion. "What do you mean? You did quite a number on me and Noire. Nearly killed me a few times too, you fought well."

She shook her head. "It's not about that. I'm meant to be the strongest CPU. For years, I've been alone, fighting for Lowee. When I heard that a nation called Planeptune was founded… All I felt was sadness. I'm stuck in this body for what seems like forever over a simple mistake. I never should have touched that fucking crystal."

She punched a nearby wall weakly, barely making a sound. "And now it's happened _again._ Another CPU born, another person forced to see their loved ones grow old and die while they remain forever young." She looked me dead in the eyes. "Yeah, I didn't want the fucking CPU Memory in the first place, but I thought if I could get it while the CPU was away, I could get rid of it. Keep someone from this cursed fate." She slammed her hand onto the bedside cabinet. "All I did was cause it. I… I want to apologise to her. Grant me that and I'll go back to Lowee without a fight. I have my own problems, anyway."

Oh? "Problems?" I prod. I mean, aside from poor Blanc having such a tragic story, I figured I could help her out to make her a potential friend later down the line.

Her resolve steeled. "You've heard enough. Show me Yellow Heart." She demanded, no room for negotiation. Guess I'd have to comply.

"Alright, come on. Try not to be too loud, we got kids here." I said, before motioning her to follow me.

Reentering the room, I pointed to the bee shaped menace. "There. Go on, go apologise."

She blinked at me in surprise, then turned to Peashy, then back to me. "You're fu- fricking joking, right?" She held her tongue once she saw the other two kids.

"Nope, that's the aptly named Yellow Heart. Saw her transform back myself after you fell unconscious."

"But… She's short! And doesn't have her thunder ti-"

A flash of light interrupted the ranting Blanc as Yellow Heart appeared. If Blanc's jaw could physically reach the floor it would. "Hell of a change, isn't it?" I walked over to my back and grabbed a pair of beers, before walking back and handing one to Blanc, her jaw still again.

"You said you've been a CPU for a while, right? Have a drink on me." I cracked open mine as I contemplated my life choices in order to process how I got here, drinking beer with a loli while a big tiddy onee san struggled to untransform. Noire had her face in her hands in the corner, muttering in contempt of her current situation.

I'd probably do the same.

* * *

Some time and beer later, Blanc had apologised for Peashy's current state, which the child had shrugged off because "Being big is fun!"

I'm shocked that Blanc _didn't_ punch her in the face with that comment. She'll beat the shit out of me, but a _child…_

"I'll head out tomorrow, then." Blanc's voice knocked me out of my thoughts as she chatted with Histoire. "I appreciate you housing me despite the trouble I've caused today." She bowed in appreciation. Girl can be formal when she wants to, huh.

"It isn't a problem. (^_^;)" Histoire said, those damn emoticons still projecting from her book. It's weird. "In fact, could you help out with looking after the kids as a sort of payment? It's very difficult to keep them in line, as you might imagine.(-_-')" Histoire sighed as the rambunctious rapscallions playfully roughhoused a bit.

Blanc nodded in agreement. "Sounds good. Any way to pay off your kindness after what I pulled." Her change in attitude was rather surprising, but this is _Blanc._

I shrugged. "It's alright," I started, catching her attention as she turned to me, sitting in a beanbag. "I've been in worse scrapes. Dunno about Noire and the others, but I have your back. I'll even help you back to Lowee tomorrow if you want." I offered.

Blanc shook her head. "I've caused you enough trouble today, so having a place to sleep for tonight is more than enough." She pondered for a moment. "You had no obligation to bring me here, you know. Could have just left me to die."

I leaned back. "You have a point. I had no obligation to save you, In fact, Norie wanted to leave you "to the dogoos" but I convinced her otherwise and even got her to carry you after I busted my knee."

Blanc giggled. "Seems that wasn't your best tactic. I was kind of shocked when you pulled that. Not many people try to knee a CPU, you know."

I rubbed my head sheepishly. "Yeah, you got a hard head on your shoulders. Seems it's pretty good, too. But as for why I helped you back there… "

I pause to let the anticipation build for no other reason than to be fancy. "I believe in second chances, simply put. A second chance is why I'm here. It's why the Nations of Hyperdimension are now united. It's why I even bothered with you. Second chances are the essence of my being at this point, so if I can give someone the same gift I got through fate… Then the world can be a better place."

Blanc nodded. "Those are some ideals you have. They're very flawed, you know. Anyone could take advantage of your trusting nature. Just watch your back and keep your friends close… And your enemies closer."

Blanc then walked towards the bedroom she had rested in before. Does she not consider me an ally? I mean, I did _save _her.

Bah, thinking is too difficult. Today's been way too long and I need another beer. Hopefully Histoire and the others won't mind…

* * *

**A/N:** I don't really have any facts about this, aside from forcing myself to extend the fight twice and completely negating Peashy's role in the fight. I was also going to have White Heart go "Aw hell naw" and gtfo after Peashy transformed, _buuuuut_ this is more interesting and having a Lowee native with Koei would be helpful for getting _in_.

Oh and I am very uncomfortable describing Peashy's bust size. For _very obvious reasons._

That and this chapter marks the end of the Eternal Day TM, thank fuck.

Seriously how did I stretch this across _4 chapters?_

_OH._ And this chapter also marks the first use of _actual fuckin' Touhou music._ Hella lit. (Do people actually listen to the musical accompiments? They're going to become more _tonally appropriate _later on, but I have trash taste in music.)


	21. Lowee: Fall Edition!

**A/N:** Ahhh, it's been a busy week for this hack. Scream Fortress, Tomb of Doom (Hearthstone event, don't judge!) and of course, the finale of My Little Pony. Despite all this, here is your regularly scheduled chapter. MAILBAG!~

**Alfamega20000:** I think I read that story. Maybe. It was the one where the guy has knives made out of spider fangs, right? But yes, Koei is stupid. (It's more like less than 5 days since the Elder Dragon incident anyway, yikes.)

**AkiraArchus**: The Big Tiddy Onee-San was inevitable. Especially with Neptune not being around to take that CPU Memory in the first place.

**Blaze2121:** Oh I'm sure Koei will _love_ trying to make peace with a CPU he _knee'd in the fucking face_. But yeah, he did take on Blanc and scarecly win… With some help.

**EnderSoul1401: **Mellow is a relative term. Mature, maybe? She certainly seems like she's seen some more shit that HD Blanc.

And UD IF seeing HD IF as her mother? _Adorable_ imagery. Also slightly sad because UD IF is probably too young to remember her birth mother. :(

With that, the chaos resumes in **3… 2… 1...**

* * *

…

…

_Hello again._

Goddammit to hell, you?

_Yes, me. I'm not thrilled to be communicating with __**you**__, either._

Ah, mutual hatred. Glad to see we're on the same page!

_Regardless, you sort of failed in your last task, hmm?_

The fuck? How did I fail, all you told me was that an artifact was in danger.

_The CPU Memory?_

Okay, now you're just being obtuse. I had _no idea_ that existed beforehand, only got to the place it was located through a series of coincidences and then lost it _through no fault of my own!_

… _I suppose you have a point. Perhaps the vague nature of my requests are a tad unhelpful. _

_Now_ you realize. What's the importance of keeping that CPU Memory safe anyway?

_Well, if White Heart has the CPU Memo-_

She **doesn't?** I thought you were omnipotent. Peashy used it and kicked White Heart to the curb.

… _OH. All I felt was that the CPU Memory had disappeared. I didn't know it was consumed. My apologies, good work._

**Thank you.** Right, so now what?

_Your next task is to go to Lowee and find the Raven who resides there. They will be a valuable ally to you._

Cool, but Blanc kind of rejected my notion of helping her get home, so…

_Just convince her __**somehow. **__You need to be in Lowee and you __**need**_ _to find the Raven. It's not like you have anything better to do, anyway._

You have a point. While I'm here, who's Filyn?

_Nobody important._

_CHROMEY I CAN HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUTH… ABOUT ME!_

You sure?

_100%._

* * *

Man, these chats are getting weirder and weirder. This "Chrome" woman seems to be a good enough "mysterious guiding voice", though.

Still though, this Raven sounds useful to have, but I'd have to see for myself. Say, isn't there something missing?

Ah, _there's_ the dull thudding pain of a well earned hangover. I missed this, somehow! Stockholm Syndrome is a very real thing, apparently.

Opening my eyes, the gaudy bedroom unfolded before me, filling my eyes with _oh dear god it's so gaudy! _Giving myself a minute or two to adjust to the combination of light and garish colours, I eventually dragged myself out of bed and put on my Planeptune getup again. Grabbing my bag, I ensured that everything was as it was and aside from a distinct _lack of alcohol, _my bag was fine and was equipped thusly, Serenity fitting snugly onto my back.

Exiting the bedroom at last, I took a look around. According to my watch, it was about 9am and unsurprisingly, the kids and Histoire were awake, having breakfast rather nicely. I for my part preferred tea in the morning, so I headed towards the kettle and started on some tea without a word.

Several minutes of silence on my end later, I arrived at the table, tea in hand. "Waddup?" I ask simply, as I held the hot mug in my hands, standing there like a dumbass.

"Ah, Koei. Good morning! (^_^)" Histoire greeted casually, an apparent lack of stress despite the children surrounding her. It _was_ shockingly quiet for once. "I assume you are doing well?"

I shrug as much as I could with a full cup in my hand, "More or less. But enough about me, where's Blanc? I need to discuss something with her."

"O-oh! O_o" Histoire panicked slightly."She left just before you woke up. She said something about urgent business and left after thanking me again. Is there something you needed from her? (・_・;)" She asked with some hesitation.

"Yeah I wanted to make sure she'd get back to Lowee alright. Do you think I'd be able to catch up if I left now?"

"Hmmm… According to my calculations, assuming that Blanc didn't use her CPU form to ease travel times, it should take you approximately… 30 minutes, given your difference in stature and presumably walking speed? (・・;)"

"Good enough. Thanks Histoire!" I thanked, painfully chugging boiling tea down my throat. **OW. FUCK.** "D-Don't do that, kids." I desperately tried to be a role model and fail, falling onto the table much to their collective amusement. Ow. Again. "W-well, as long as I'm still here, where _exactly_ would Lowee be, and what would be the most efficient route?" I asked the book fairy, curious to see if she would be of any assistance.

"I believe heading north through the Ages Range will lead you to a vast autumn forest. Lowee should be somewhere within that dense wood. Don't tell me you're actually _going there, _though… (・・?)" Histoire infodumped somewhat nervously, as I gradually backed into the elevator.

"Nahhhh," I vehemently lied as I pushed the button to close the elevator, equipment in tow. "Goodluckhavefundontgoinsanefrombabysitting byeeee!" I got out quickly before the doors closed and the elevator went down. Sorry Histoire, but I have amends to make. Oh and this Raven to find.

* * *

Ah, the fresh Planeptune morning air, smells like victory. And _air,_ very obviously. Still, I looked around for any sort of ravine, which was fruitless due to the buildings that surrounded me. Sighing in frustration, I headed towards any sort of nearby citizen I could find. There was one person standing at a stall, selling fruit, so I went towards them.

"Hey, sorry to be a bother, _lovely stand by the way_, but do you know how to get to the Ages Range?" I ask as nonchalantly as possible, attempting to remain innocent in my intentions.

It seemed to have worked. "Oh, I know where that is. But this is a business after all, so…"

I sighed. I'm sure there were _some_ Credits after yesterday's escapades. "How much do you want? I haven't got _much_, but I'm willing to pay."

The merchant shook her head. "Your money isn't required. You came out of the Basilicom, right?" I nodded. "Excellent. I'll give you your information in exchange for something I want to know. You see, you hear a lot of things as a merchant. Small talk, rumors, complaints, that sort of thing. But I've been hearing two rumors about our CPU in particular, two _very conflicting ones._"

"Ah, you wish to know the secrets of the Basilicom? This is a great honor to bestow onto you, humble merchant." I state regally, trying to hide the fact that I was in fact, a hobo.

She seemed to buy it. "Yes, as is a basic direction. Now then, there are two prevailing rumors about Her Ladyship Iris Heart. One is that she's an adorable sleepy ball of fluff and kindness and the other being that she's a massive sadist who gets off on pain. Tell me, with your exposure to her, which rumor is true?"

I shrugged. "Both are true."

The merchant's jaw dropped. "S-Son on a bitch. I owe Falcom so many Credits now… I uh, yes thank you for answering my question. If you want to get to the Ages Range, you should head _that way_!" She pointed to the right, indicating North (probably), as she resigned herself to her fate. Don't know who this Falcom is, but it seems like she had a bet going.

"Well, thanks for that. Have a nice day Miss!" I walked off in the direction indicated, happy to not get lost. Sure, I had a compass on me, but I didn't see it in my backpack, so it was probably in my completely inaccessible inventory.

That and the one time I did use it, I'm pretty sure it was pointing in the wrong direction anyway. Fucking useless grarbage. Still, it was like… 100 Credits? Whatever. Guess I'mma catch up to Blanc now.

* * *

It's been about… 40 minutes I guess? Checking my watch, it read 10am. Assuming that it wasn't wrong as well, that sounds about right for how much I've been walking. The Ages Range was rather breathtaking, with two massive peaks flanking a small opening for people to pass through. Well, I say _small_, but it was easily large enough for a carriage or a train or something similar. It was _relative_ to the peaks that surrounded the plain.

Despite my butchered description, the area was rather quaint. There were a few mobs, but they seemed non-hostile, so I left them be. Even the weird horses with wings instead of forelegs. They looked like mutated geese, eugh. I should have killed them anyway, but I was feeling merciful today. That and I had someone to catch up to.

The range went on for a while, the mountains providing plenty of shade from the beating sunlight. There were some smaller creatures in the long grass I couldn't make out too much, but they reminded me of Terriers. You know, those small, hairy dogs. There were also orange Dogoos flopping around, doing their Dogoo thing. As I said, these creatures were surprisingly peaceful, so I headed through the Ages Range with little excitement aside from the nature surrounding me. It was nice to not have to murder things for once.

Still, after about 15 minutes of gradually quickening walking, I made it out of the range, a long plain unfolding before me with a beautifully crisp autumn forest in the distance along with… A pagoda? Is that where Lowee is located? Huh. Still, I ventured onward, my pace not slowed by my equipment nor my hesitation. Nor my hangover.

After a bit, my eyes saw a speck of white and red off in the distance. Could it be Blanc? My pace quickened even more into a full on jog, I hurried forward, attempting to catch up with the CPU.

While it did seem she was getting closer, my body was already aching from the continued exertion, my legs burning and my breathing becoming more and more like pants as I struggled to keep pace. Eventually after what felt like an eternity I managed to almost catch up, when I felt _something_ give out and I collapsed onto the ground, my knee suddenly roaring in pain.

RIGHT. I forgot I smashed White Heart with my knee yesterday and now I just managed to sprint for who knows how long on it before it decided that yes, it was still damaged.

My yells of pain were probably not the most graceful thing, but it did cause a shadow to come over me while I writhed in agony. Let me death be quick, oh mysterious creature.

Oh it's just Blanc. "Goddammit." She said in frustration, pinching the bridge of where her nose should be. "I left early to _avoid_ you, yet here you are, collapsed in pain and waiting for the wild populace to murder you." She sighed in frustration before getting up and walking around me, the breeze providing a brief peek of- NO, KOEI YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

Eventually she jammed a healing potion down my throat and I chugged appreciatively before she got back up and backed away. A few moments of fading pain and I was back on my feet as I slammed the glass bottle down into the ground as it shattered then dissipated into data.

"Thanks for that, Blanc!" I thanked as I stretched my arms before grabbing my backpack and picking it back up and placing it onto its normal position. "So, want me to accompany you to Lowee? Just to make sure no assassins or whatever come out to try and kill you, of course." I offer in my most "I have no ulterior motives" tone of voice.

She _seemed _to buy it. "Whatever. Come along, then. You could be of some use if I happen to be ambushed for some reason. Suppose it would be easier than trying to get you to leave me alone anyway." Blanc motioned for me to follow and I did as such. It was weird for me to be taking orders from someone significantly shorter than I was, but it was that I came quietly.

"So…" I begin, trying to break the ice. "You alright after yesterday's _ahem_ misunderstanding?" I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly as I recalled yesterday's fiasco of a throwdown. Blanc for her part looked mostly healed up, aside from a few bruises around her face and cuts on her arms.

"I'm _fine._" She stated in no uncertain terms, almost bitterly as we walked towards the orange forest that Lowee was hidden in. "I would prefer it if you kept your mouth shut for the remainder of this journey. As despite the fact that I don't want to kill you _right now, _that urge rises whenever you open your mouth, so for both of our sakes, _keep your mouth __**shut.**_"

While I couldn't see her face from behind her, I could _feel_ the anger dripping from her voice alone. I don't know what triggered her sudden burst of rage, but I decided to keep a step or two behind her, lest I get hammered again. And not in the fun alcoholic way either.

Thus we trekked through the forest pathway, the leaves crunching as I kept my mouth shut as Blanc commanded. Honestly, small talk aside this is really peaceful. Off the path were some more orange dogoos, hiding in the piles of gold, orange and red leaves waiting to strike, but stood out anyway because of their eyes and muzzle. Endearing, if ultimately stupid, Dogoos are pretty cute when they're not trying to murder you, I guess.

Not really much else to this forest as we followed the path. After a while, we saw a Japanese-styled gate with a pair of guards _guarding_ it. They dressed similarly to Blanc herself, with her outfits being mostly red and white with some accents of gold to match the autumn theme that I've been noticing. Then again, the weather hasn't really been a thing aside from it snowing back in Hyperdimension's Lowee, so maybe this place is in a perpetual state of one season? What sweet hell is this...

Blanc stopped suddenly, forcing me to stop to avoid bumping into her. "Stay here, I'm going to go talk to the guards. Lowee is _very_ protective when it comes to foreigners, so…" A flash of light enveloped her as the now familiar form of White Heart walked to the guards stationed. From the distance I was from them, I couldn't make out what they were saying, but White Heart did point at me once or twice. A few minutes later, White Heart walked off into Lowee as one of the guards motioned me to approach her.

"Honored Guest Koei, I'm afraid I must confiscate your equipment." She stated apologetically. "Only authorized personnel are allowed to be armed in Lowee, it's a peacekeeping measure you see."

I complied by handing over my equipment, including my backpack with Peace and Tranquility in, as I had no reason to distrust her at this point. After she placed the sheathed Serenity to her side and put on my backpack, she started walking into Lowee and I followed closely.

"So, you're part of the border patrol?" I ask the young woman, who herself was armed with a rifle that was practically vintage back home, but seemed to be standard issue here.

"Yeah. Lady White Heart is such a great CPU, so being able to pay her back by keeping _undesirables_ out of Lowee is like a dream come true!" Her eyes practically sparkled as we walked through the Japanese inspired township. Having never been to Japan, it was nice for a change of pace, with all these pagodas and huts around it felt less like home for once, which made sense considering where I currently _was_.

"Undesirables, huh?" I wonder aloud, with the young guard still carrying my equipment as we passed by some citizens of Lowee, who seemed content with their lives as we passed through. "Guess it's working, because this place is very peaceful."

She beamed at my compliment. "Thank you! I've only been a guard for a month, but it's important to work for the glory of Lowee! Lady White Heart has high standards for us al, so it's best to keep to those standards!"

Eventually we hit a large pagoda like structure. "Here we are, Lowee Castle, the crown jewel of our glorious Nation!" She stated simply as we headed in.

"So where are we going?" I ask, unsure of why we were heading downstairs into a _less well kept _part of the castle. This surely can't be where the guest rooms are.

Despite her initial excitement, she seemed apprehensive to answer the question. Once we turned the corner, I found out why.

Several empty jail cells lay before us and as we ventured into the prison deeper I saw they were fairly basic affairs. A sink, a toilet and a bed attached to the wall via chains. If this was the guest bedroom, then Lowee must not get many visitors.

"So, now that you've shown me the prison cell, you're gonna show me the _actual _place I'll be staying in, right?" I knew the answer before the question even left me lips, but just in case this was some sort of elaborate prank I played along.

To no surprise, she shook her head. "My apologies, but Lady White Heart's orders are absolute. Please get in the cell, prisoner." She stated solemnly as she unlocked the jail door. I complied, not wanting to get the girl in trouble before it slammed behind me and with a _click_, locked as well.

I looked at her, not even trying to hide the hurt in my eyes. "Why would you stab me in the back like this? You called me Honored Guest and made me feel welcome just to throw me into a cell?"

The girl shook her head again. "Those were her orders too. "Make him feel comfortable and welcome while you take him to the cell, I'll deal with him personally tomorrow." If it makes you feel any better, it seems like she'll just execute you rather than go through due process. Lady White Heart was _very_ angry at you in particular for some reason."

I nodded my head in understanding, now sat on the bed. "I see. Well, you were just doing your job, miss. No hard feelings."

"My next shift will be working as her bodyguard, so I might learn more then. Sorry, Koei…"

And with that she walked off, _with my shit_ as I sat in the dark, dingy cell alone, waiting for execution.

Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well die well rested. Lying down onto the bed, I looked up at the ceiling, which was similarly dark and dingy. Least this was consistent.

I thought back to the conversations with Blanc yesterday. Was she being genuine when she talked about how much of a failure she felt as another CPU entered the world? Why would she let me follow her, just to throw me into a cell at the first chance she had? Was her kindness a facade for a brutal dictator?

Wait…

_**Anyone**_ _could take advantage of your trusting nature…_

_Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer…_

Did she plan for this to happen and once she was out of the Basilicom, not need to put up a facade, thus leading to her attitude towards me?

I sighed. This was a complicated issue to say the least. I don't even know if Blanc considers me an enemy or if this is a ploy to make her look good in front of her citizens.

And on top of all _this_, I haven't heard jack shit about this Raven, even know they're why I'm in this hellhole in the first place.

"Goddammit!" I slammed my hand onto the bed, it bouncing off of the surprisingly springy mattress. Nothing about this made any sense and I was going to die confused at the hands of a loli.

"Ara ara…" Came a familiar yet somewhat unfamiliar voice. Getting up to look at the source of the voice, it was the final member of the CPU crew, Vert.

Unsurprisingly considering the trend, her body was generally the same as her counterpart's, with the major difference being the clothing. Instead of green and white, black and green was the name of the game here, though it was significantly _more bluish_ in hue as opposed to the royal green of Hyperdimension Vert. This was still _Vert,_ so her clothing emphasised her assets nicely. To the point where I'm not even sure she's _wearing a bra and that's worrying._

After scanning her up and down a few times, I put on a feign of ignorance. "Who are you?" I ask innocently, eliciting a giggle from the busty lady.

"Nobody important, just a maiden passing through Lowee. I must admit though, it was a fair bit more difficult than simply getting thrown into jail. My name is Vert, though you can refer to me as Your Ladyship if you want."

It seems someone was bigging up their status to look more impressive. "I'll pass," I state simply before getting off the bed and leaning against a wall instead. "Name's Koei. Koei Tech. Do you happen to be the Raven?"

Another giggle elicited from Vert. "Oh heavens no. Though I have heard rumors of someone by that name while sneaking around this dungeon, I have not seen anyone would goes by that name. I did however, get this." She slipped a bobby pin out of her sleeve and got to work picking the lock. "I must admit, as much as i love Lowee, they really need to amp up their security measures… And there!"

With a _click_, the door slid open, allowing me to escape. Walking out, I gave a curt nod to the woman. "Thank you, Vert. I just have one question, though. Why _are_ you here in Lowee?"

Another polite giggle from Vert. "Ara ara, Koei-kun. You ask almost as many questions as Blanc-chan. Is it so wrong to want to be with my dear little sister?"

I uh…

What.

Noticing my silence, she continued. "You see, when I first became a CPU just a few short years ago, I realized that I would never have my dream of a little sister. Even if I was to find one, due to my inability to age, they would eventually become older than me in appearance, so calling them "-chan" would get weird. Ever since then, I've been finding out if the CPU of Lowee is in fact, a little girl and trying to get her to be my "Blanc-chan" so we can rule Leanbox together. This has involved a lot of trial and error and I've spent many a night here in these cells after a plan went awry. It's also how I learned to lockpick, because I eventually got tired of waiting to make my escape when I would be escorted to my execution."

Jesus, Blanc does not fuck around. "Does Blanc _know_ you're a CPU, or?"

The lolicon shook her head. "Alas, no. We have not even met in person, as she refuses to see me despite my many requests to meet. Even when I tell the guards that I am in fact, CPU Green Heart they laugh me off before escorting to a cell. Is having a little sister so wrong, Koei-kun?"

Every part of me was screaming **YES YOU SICK FUCK** but considering she just saved me from potential execution, I decided to relent. "You have… Eccentric tastes, Vert. Say, would you happen to know where the contraband for the prisoners are stored?"

"Down this hall, turn right, third door on the left and you'll need a guard key." She listed almost instinctively. For the first time it felt like she had some shame. "I kept bringing my spear, hand forged by one of my citizens here and it obviously kept being confiscated, forcing me to get it back. I didn't bring it this time, thankfully. Speaking of, the guard will be on patrol in… about a minute, so I'll be off before I get captured again. Goodbye, Koei-kun!"

And with that, off she fucked to the right of the hall, where I originally entered from along with the guard. Speaking of, I had an idea on how to acquire a key.

Walking back into my cell and closing the unlocked door to make it seem like I was still stuck in here, I waited until the guard passed me by. She seemed to be a different one than the nice girl who apologised before jailing me, so I didn't need to feel bad about what was about to happen.

As soon as she passed by the door and I was out of her view, I swung the door open, causing the lady to be caught by surprise. Quicking grabbing her rifle now that I was out of the cell, I smashed it against her face hard, knocking her over as I pointed the old wooden gun at her, ready to fire if she tried to get up. Thankfully, it seems the combination of the impact of the gun butt against her face and the fall managed to be enough to knock her out without any lasting consequence, but I wasn't Compa.

Dragging the body into my cell, I felt around her for any keys. Vert said I needed one to get into the contraband room, right? A few minutes of gently rolling her body across the floor to minimise contact and I find a ring of keys… Attached to her belt. I didn't have time to try and fumble the right key out, what do I do…

Oh **god.**

Muttering a silent prayer for forgiveness, I began stripping the guard of her clothing. Shoes, then her knee pads _wait what why_ and then…

Her shorts. Her _short shorts._ I get that this version of Lowee is warmer, but it's weird to think that this is the fucking dress code when their pants barely qualify as such.

With much trepidation, I pried the belt off of the unconscious guard, thankfully not having to remove any more articles of clothing. Spending a minute of two fiddling with the large ring yielded nothing, so I threw the bastard thing against the wall. To my shock, the metal ring snapped in two, allowing me to grab all the keys individually, placing them in my pocket.

I turned to leave, but the guard was still unconscious and partially stripped of clothing, which could come back to haunt me if I didn't at least put her clothes back on. So on went the belt again (Though I just wrapped it around where it was placed before, not fastening it.), then her knee pads (**why**) and then finally her clog-like red shoes so that she can wish to go home again.

With that, keys acquired and guard taken care of, I finally left the jail cell for good, taking care to lock it before I left, just in case she woke up early.

Now where did Vert say the contraband was? This way, right? I walked down the path not taken and as instructed, took a right. This led to some stairs that led back into the more _wooden_ part of the castle, so the dungeon was either smaller than I anticipated or simply was the start of it. Either way, not willing to find out.

Ahh, the wooden Japanese pagoda like structure of Lowee Castle. The floor creaked as I looked for the fabled third to to the contraband room, occasionally taking a look outside to see a zen-like garden where guards were relaxing, not really talking about just sitting there, legs crossed as they simply breathed.

_Breathing is fun._

Still, I tread carefully before finding the third door on the left, thankfully labeled "Contraband". I took out my new collection of keys and attempted to jam them in the look, Some fit, some didn't, but none of them would unlock the door. I'm pretty sure I used a few keys twice, but eventually I got the right key in the hole as the door opened and _hot damn_.

It was as you expected from a contraband room, a ton of weapons of all shapes and sizes lay every which way. Some rifles, a few pistols, even a _shotgun._ Sadly, I was not in the market for a buckshot blaster and _stealing is wrong_. Okay sure, I assaulted a guard, stripped her and stole her keys, but the _shotgun is a step too far. _That and I don't think there were any shells for it anyway.

Still, my stuff was neatly placed in a corner, so I went to grab that, but not before checking that everything was untouched, which it was thankfully.

I forgot I had closed the door behind me, as it had opened again. Shit. Breathing in, I took Peace and Tranquillity out of the bag, before turning to the new entrant and screaming "HANDS IN THE **FUCKING **AIR OR I'LL SHOOT!"

"Wagh!" The person who I threatened fell over, exposing their legs as they struggled to get up. Still, those boots… Keeping Peace and Tranquillity primed, I walked over to the downed person, stepping over various bits and pieces before finally being able to see their face.

That goddamn face. It wasn't a guard, Vert or even Blanc herself, but it was someone I never thought I'd see here.

"I-IFFY?!"

"KOEI!?"


	22. Blanc Breaks, Brings Backstory

**A/N:** I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that this chapter is going to be shorter than usual. Mostly establishing things for the next chapter or two. I was going to make it longer, but I'm 5000 words deep into the _current thing_ I'm working on and I only just realised that I have _at least_ another 2000 words to make a satisfying and action packed chapter.

The good news? Well, you'll see after this chapter. Keep the suspense going! For now, MAILBAG!

**Blaze2121: **The power of cliffhangers strikes again! Though really, with the frequency of using rifts as narrative cru- I mean for the integral storyline, this was bound to happen. Plus you know, more KoeIffy!

**Xbox432:** The power of love overrides all. Yes, even plot. That and Koei wasn't in the dungeon anymore, as the contraband room is separate from the dungeon, but just close enough to not be annoying to the poor guards who have to carry that stuff. Koei's bag is _heavy._

But Blanny was so chill before! I wonder what could cause her to pull that on Koei...

**Destroyer Harekaze Kai:** Yeah pretty much Iffy's here now. By accident or on purpose is unknown.

**EnderSoul1401: **May or may not have planned this in advance just for that.

Alright, we got a cliffhanger to pay off. See ya.

* * *

So here I was, pointing a pair of supercharged plasma pistols at my kinda sorta girlfriend, in the middle of a Japanese-inspired castle, all while trapped in another dimension.

Today is weird to say the least.

"Iffy? The unholy hell are you doing here?" I stopped pointing Peace and Tranquility at her, because that is a tad rude, as I blushed in embarrassment.

"Aside from having the everloving Nep scared out of me by you, _trying to find you!"_ She snapped back, before giving a sly grin at my blush. "What? Did you just realize that this is the first time you've seen me laid down like this?"

I shook my head incessantly. "N-now's not the time for those thoughts, Iffy." I put Tranquility down to help her up before reequipping it in my right hand. "I fucked up. **Bad**. I need to find the Raven and get the _hell_ out of here."

IF tilted her head in confusion. "Uhh… That's me. I'm the Raven."

That was anticlimactic. "I… Have so many questions. I guess now's not the time for that sort of thing." I walked over to where the rest of my stuff was and grabbed it, finally having all of my gear back.

"Well, I'm not exactly stupid enough to get _caught_ sneaking around, but apparently that just got the guards paranoid. A glint of qatar here, the woosh of a jacket there made them paranoid. Eventually they just started calling me the Raven because… I don't know, people do weird things when they're paranoid."

"I… Fuck it, close enough." I opened the door and walked out with IF, the guards not even noticing our presence as we walked around the zen garden. "That doesn't explain how _you_ got _here_ in particular?"

IF shrugged. "Rifts."

I blinked. "I'm going to need a little more than that."

IF playfully rolled her eyes before sitting down on the stairs leading to the garden. "This might take a bit, so sit down next to me."

I complied, wanting to see where this was going.

* * *

_You see, after you left in such a… dramatic fashion, I was sort of lost without you. So the first thing I did rather logically was-_

_Cry?_

_F-fuck off. I didn't cry at all!_

_I can see you blushing._

_*__**THWACK**__*_

_So __**as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted, **__my first course of action was to head back to the Basilicom after informing Histoire._

_After doing so, I saw that Histoire talking to that Anonydeath fellow, you know the one. _

_**Very well**__, unfortunately._

_So as it turns out, he wants to return to "Ultradimension", because and I quote "My shit is there.", so he's reluctantly teamed up with Histoire in order to generate a permanent rift, this is probably the one we'll end up going back in._

_I was informed by the smaller Histoire, yes. Should be about 2 days?_

_Really? Goddammit! Anyway, in their quest, they started locking down the locations of rifts. Turns out they don't spawn as randomly as we thought and can even be predicted. Eventually, though intel gathering-_

_You mean hanging out nonchalantly, waiting for another instance of an Ultradimension rift?_

… _Yes. Anyway, after a bit, one appeared in Lowee. Two subways and about an hour later, I was in this version of Lowee. After that it was a case of avoiding the guards and waiting for something to happen. Nearly get caught, saw the unlocked Contraband room and here we are._

* * *

"That's… Almost _too_ convenient." I state finally, after IF finished her tale. "I mean, if these rifts aren't as random as initially expected, do you think… Something or someone's behind them? I ask, striking a thoughtful pose as we still sat on the stairs, looking as if we belonged there.

"Honestly? I don't know." IF shrugged. "I left before anything concrete could be figured out. I just wanted to be with you again, Koei…" She blushed again, looking away and being all adorable. Goddammit, I love this woman.

"Riiiiight." I stated, finally getting up and dusting myself off. "So what now?"

IF got up herself. "Well first of all…"

**THWACK**

"OW FUCK." I yelled as IF slugged me in the face. Again. "You know, one of these days I'm gonna see that coming…"

"_That's_ for being weird and smelling my jacket!... And you know, leaving me behind." IF looked downcast as my newly bruised face started to heal. Poor girl. "I thought you were… Gone forever. Why didn't you bring me with you. Koei?"

I hugged IF with all my might. "I'd never do such a thing again, my dear Iffy. I can't do much, but I can promise you this much at least. If I'm going to die, I want to die in your arms."

A few moments of silence passed, as a breeze enveloped the silent garden. Seems the guards weren't bothered about our reunion, which was nice at least.

Letting go, both of us were blushing pretty heavily as I contemplated my next move. "Well, that was overdramatic. What now?" IF quickly switched back to her usual demeanour, thankfully.

I rubbed the back of my head. "I uh… Have no clue. I wanted to get some revenge on Blanc for attacking me and then taking advantage of my trusting nature, but-"

"Then we're doing that." IF cut me off rather suddenly. "We find Blanc, kick her ass and get back to Planeptune, all before the portal between here and Hyperdimension opens. Sound good?"

"I uh… Sounds good." I missed IF's blunt attitude. "I mean, it probably isn't the best idea to fight a goddess, but you're the boss here." I shrugged.

"Good grief, it looks like some prisoners got out. _Again._" The guard from before spoke up, shocking me as I turned to face her. She leaned in and started to whisper. "Don't worry, I'll take you straight to Lady White Heart. Follow my lead." She stepped back, drawing her rifle before giving me a wink. "Come along, prisoner."

IF for her part, did not approve, unsheathing her katars. "Not on my watch, bitch."

I put my arm between the two. "Now now, let's not resort to violence. Save _that_ for Blanc. I'd like to not keep making enemies here."

The guard nodded. "I concur. My name's Lily by the way. Figured that we should you know, get to know each other."

IF sighed before putting her katars away. "I'm The Raven. Or as my actual name goes, IF. This is Koei, my boyfriend. You touch him and you get your throat slit."

"_Moving swiftly on_," I quickly interrupted "Lead the way Lily."

Lily nodded before spinning on her heel and marching, rifle primed as we followed suit through the garden. "I've actually been a bit worried about Lady White Heart. You hear rumors here and there about her being a bit… Megalomaniacal, but seeing and working for her in person is far more accurate. It feels like she's _hiding_ something from me and I haven't got the confidence to ask her. Probably just a gut feeling…"

I shook my head. "No, that sounds about right. She poured out her heart about CPUs outliving their friends and apologised to a newly created CPU for kind of making them ageless. But today she's done a 180 and I can't wrap my head around it."

IF put a hand to her chin. "I think it might just be her situation. She sees herself as _superior_, right? You look like you beat her up and that shook her ego, so she probably had a plan to get rid of you before it could happen again."

I rubbed the back of my head. "That sounds about right, but I don't get why she'd switch personalities so fast on me. She was so polite yesterday…"

Lily piped up. "Yeah that'll probably just be how she _acts_ when she's trying to be diplomatic. You know how people are behind closed doors. Still, I'd like to have faith in my CPU again. She seemed so nice and kind before, it's why I enlisted in her guard and now…"

"Even gods can fail, you know. Just makes them more uh, human. I mean they _already_ look like humans, so it makes some sense."

Lily sighed. "I suppose so. We're here, by the way." We stopped in front of a large pair of doors, which pretty obviously indicated who was behind that.

"Well, time to die." I said simply, before opening the large paper doors to reveal a rather traditional throne room, complete with Blanc sat on a throne, languidly staring out towards us in a bored manner.

"I _really_ need to step up the security around here. Private Lily, you're dismissed. I'll deal with you later."

Lily bowed her head. "Thank you, My Lady." She proceeded to leave as Blanc got up from her chair and started to walk towards us, hammer in tow.

"Now, as for _you_, Koei…"

IF stepped out in front of me to stare Blanc right in the eyes. "Touch him and I'll slit your goddamn throat." She stated simply.

Blanc for her part just laughed and shoved IF away. "Go away little girl, this is a matter between adults. Or do you want to team up against the bigger fish in a useless attempt to best me?"

"I uh… That's a stupid analogy." I replied, not sure how to parse that string of words coming from the flat cuss fairy's mouth.

"Just shut up and fight me." She stated coldly, swinging her hammer in a fashion that forced me to dodge backwards, separating IF and I even more.

"I'm not _here_ to fight, dammit!" I say with some hesitation as IF attempted to strike from behind, failing to get in a good attack before being forced to dodge a lazy hammer swing.

"Then why did you escape the dungeon? That seems like an admission to guilt to me!" Blanc kept swinging, words failing to get through to her.

IF kept trying to get a strike in, but Blanc's swings meant she could target both of us, even as we stood on opposite sides of her. "I didn't! A maiden in green came and broke me out by lockpicking the door!"

Blanc stopped. "A maiden in green? Sure, sure. I bet she wants me as a little sister too." She deadpanned entirely. "You're just as gullible as I thought if you think I'll fall for that."

I shrugged "It's the truth. Hell, the Raven's stood right behind you, is she just a myth too?"

Blanc tilted her head. "The Raven? You mean that little girl?"

"I'M NOT LITTLE!" IF roared before drop kicking Blanc from behind, finally getting a hit in as she fell to the ground. She prepared to stomp on the downed Blanc, but I intervened by shoving her away just in time.

"Gah! Koei, what the _hell!_ She's tried to kill you, deceived you and now attacked again, _unprovoked_ and only _now_ that we finally get the first strike, you want to be merciful?" IF glared at me, only just keeping herself balanced after my rather rough shove.

"Apologies, Iffy, but I want to give her a second chance. A _real_ one."

"_A second chance."_ Blanc mocked my tone before spitting at my feet, finally getting back up. "And just what makes you think I'd want your pity?" She prepared her hammer again. "Didn't I kick your ass enough yesterday? Do you want to fight _again?_"

"No, I don't! I know you're not eager to do this either, that's why you haven't transformed! If you truly wanted me dead, you would have turned into White Heart by now! But I know you're better than this!"

Blanc stopped for a moment, as did IF, both turning to me with looks of confusion. "You have every right to kill me, you know." Blanc stated solemnly. "I've wronged you, betrayed your trust and hurt people you care about. As far as I'm concerned, I want this over with as fast as possible."

IF remained steadfast, her mouth remaining shut, not inputting her thoughts.

"What do you mean? There can be a different way of doing this." I ask, trying to appeal to common sense. At the very least she seemed willing to listen at this point, knowing that she wasn't fighting at her full strength, even unintentionally.

Blanc sighed. "No, there can't be. The Seven Sages wouldn't forgive me if I bent my knee to a so-called "Hero" who made me realize my wrongs. I don't think my citizens would appreciate me working with criminals either and I **know** they'd leak that fact as soon as they found out I was pulling the wool over their eyes."

Seems that the situation was more… Nuanced than originally thought. I nodded at IF, who put her katars away and walked towards Blanc, before patting her head.

"Look, I have _no_ ulterior motive in trying to help you here. By all means, I should be trying to break your face in right about now, but I'm not that sort of person. Getting revenge would be _satisfying_, but if you're in trouble, I can't ignore that. Tell me Blanc, _is_ there something _I_ can help with?"

I took my hand off her head as she turned away. IF probably was a little jealous, but she needed some reassurance.

"F-Fine. I'll give you a brief rundown on what happened for me to end up in the situation I'm in. I'll go get some tea."

And so she left the room. After that bit of dramatic tension, I _almost saw_ IF's right hook coming, but didn't react in time as it collided with my cheek. Ow.

"What the _hell_, Koei?" IF hissed. "Not only did we not fight the girl who kicked your ass then tried to kill us, you're _actively trying to help her? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"_

I shrugged. "These Seven Sages sound like pieces of work. Plus we still have two days before the portal back to Hyperdimension even _opens_, right? Might as well make use of that time. Second chances exist for a reason, you know."

IF stood still for a moment, and stared deep within my eyes. "Well, I suppose I gave you a chance way back in Lowee. Could have had you arrested and sent off to jail. But you were alone… Misunderstood." She looked back to where Blanc disappeared to.. "Maybe that's why you want to give her a second chance."

"Exactly! If I can give someone, _anyone _a second chance to be happier, I'm more than willing to hear someone out, even if they have taken advantage of it and tried to kill me." My voice was filled with passion. This was my calling, this was why I came to Lowee in the first place, I could feel it!

IF put a hand to her face, muttering something incomprehensible, before pulling it off. "Alright, as your girlfriend, I should have _some_ faith in you at least. Just… Don't pat other girls like that." She blushed, looking away. "At least not without patting me." She muttered, almost inaudibly.

I took the hint and patted the tsunderish girl, causing her to squee a little bit as we waited for tea and backstory.

* * *

Eventually, Blanc returned with 3 cups and a teapot, as we sat around a traditional Japanese table. Biscuits were also provided, which was great for recharging my batteries after today's events so far.

_So, you may know me as the CPU of Lowee. The original CPU at that. Years and years ago, I was having a picnic out in the Sakura Blossom Forest… I didn't come up with that name. Anyway, I saw a shiny rock type thing floating in the river. Picking it up, it did something to me and I felt different… More powerful… Angier. When I got home, my parents didn't even recognize me, despite my begging that I was still their Blanc. It took me hours to realize that I had transformed into White Heart. It took days to figure out how to go back to normal._

I took a sip of tea. This was going to be a long one.

_Eventually, people started calling me a "CPU" or Console Patron Unit. People flocked to me to help out with their problems. Taking care of monsters near the village where I grew up, finding lost pets, that sort of thing. Eventually Lowee Castle was built and the citizens practically demanded I live there, as "Our Lady White Heart has __**no business**_ _sleeping with __**commoners!**_ _I had been paid in being allowed to stop in other people's homes for evenings, though sometimes people would just invite me. I gained a reputation for being helpful and kind and people flocked to me, called me their goddess._

_But despite all this praise and attention I had, I still felt alone. I didn't age, but everyone around me did. Eventually I became disillusioned with the people around me. They would die after all. I wouldn't… I couldn't. Lowee became prosperous purely because of me and the faith that people had put in me. I had to be perfect or I risked this thing I had built up from almost nothing. _

_Then the news broke. __**Another**_ _CPU was born. Planeptune was founded and I suddenly had someone I could relate to. But the people of Lowee didn't take kindly to this supposed "knockoff" CPU. I couldn't so much as visit this new nation without my people growing suspicious that my views didn't match theirs._

"Why didn't you try to console them?" I asked. "Surely they'd knock it off if their patron goddess, the one that they worshipped told them to?"

_Heh. I tried. People didn't take kindly to my supposed dictatorship, so I had to let off before a revolt happened. So I'm stuck here, unable to contact my fellow CPU due to hatred between us born out of what, simple ego? I guess I didn't help matters by being a bit… Aggressive in my CPU form, huh?_

"I think your aggression is part of the problem." IF stated simply, munching on a damp biscuit dunked in tea. "People tend to follow the attitudes of those they look up to, after all."

_Hah. You know, you're the first person to say that to my face, knowing exactly who I am. The only people who know of my human form now are the guards stationed around here, who are sworn to secrecy. This means you hear a lot of things that people wouldn't dare say if they knew I was around hearing them talk smack. I've tried to work on it, but it's difficult when the only people you socialize with are your subordinates who have undying loyalty to you and wouldn't question your actions. It's part of why I snuck out yesterday to grab that CPU Memory._

"Oh yeah, I was wondering about that." I finish off my tea before pouring another cup. "Kinda weird how you picked yesterday, Plutia's been missing for 3 weeks at this point."

_Had to pick a day when I knew the Seven Sages wouldn't "check in" on me and then sneak out of the castle via the tunnels dug underneath Lowee, before using HDD to get to Planeptune before someone found out._

_As for why… Needless to say my vetting process a few years ago wasn't as stringent as it is now and let a high ranking member of the Seven Sages serve as my personal assistant. He built dirt on me for years, every time I talked shit about a citizen, every time I said something ungoddesslike. **E**__**very. Little. Thing. **__Then the blackmail happened. "Bend your knee to the Seven Sages, or your reputation will be ruined. Forever." They said. They had years worth of dirt on me. Considering how much I had tried to keep my reputation, this was a heavy blow. I had to, for the sake of Lowee. Even if I didn't care about my citizens as much as I used to, I don't know what would have happened had they gone through. I couldn't take such a massive risk…_

"Ouch. Blackmail is the worst." I agreed there, as I sipped my tea. "Even in the few weeks I've been in Gamindustri, I've done some… Morally questionable things."

"Setting a training area on fire, public drunkenness, burning off a woman's clothing in public, oh and of course **sleeping with me.**"

My blood froze as I turned to IF, who had the biggest shit eating grin on her face. "You forgot to pay Nep her puddings. Though I will say that the last one of those wasn't directly your fault. Neptune ended up dragging you into the only free bed, which was the one I happened to be in at the time. I don't think anything else happened, as I had all my clothes on when I woke up and I doubt that in your state would have been able to take off and reapply a belt with such finesse."

"I uh…" I had nothing to say to that. "Damn, how long have you been holding on to that?"

IF shrugged. "Only since yesterday. Was going to drop it after our date was done, but then that _rift_ happened and I had to come after you and we had this emotional reunion… I haven't had a good time to drop it until you set me up with that, is all."

Blanc looked at me with some sense of… Awe? Empathy? Lust? "That's pretty metal for only a few weeks. I'll have to learn more about you, Koei. You seem more interesting than I initially expected."

"Uh… Thanks?" I said, not sure if it was a compliment or not. "Now back to the CPU Memory?"

_Oh, right. Well, I've managed to look at a few documents in the past back when I had my advisor. As it turns out, they've been planning this for years and only needed to wait for a CPU Memory to spawn. There was one in Planeptune, but it was deemed too risky due to the CPU in residence. Apparently they tried it once before and their agents came back traumatized, along with having a second CPU be born, the one who rules Lastation._

_So once I heard the news via word of mouth rumors of the guard, I formulated a simple plan to get in, grab the CPU Memory and break it before they could take advantage of it and create a CPU they could control more… Directly._

"So… What you said about being cursed with immortality isn't true?" I tilted my head.

Blanc shook her head in response. "No, that much still holds true from a moral standpoint. It turns out that it lines up perfectly to mess with their plan and keep them occupied while I try to find a more permanent solution. After all, they can't exactly ditch their blackmail target when it's the crux of their plan to have the most powerful nation underneath their heel."

Interesting. "So this is where some form of "Outside Party" comes in, then?"

She grinned and nodded. "Yup. They don't know about you or the Raven yet. If you can break in to their base of operations and destroy their blackmail on me, I can destroy their plan with no consequence. I might even consider doing a favour for you in return if you succeed."

I took out a hand to shake hers with, which she did respond to. "It'd be my pleasure."

Blanc's smile faded to a more genuine one. "If this burden can be lifted, I can finally start work on a more productive plan for the future of Gamindustri. If I could talk to Lastation's CPU about some sort of hybrid console… Right, that's for later. For now, I can give you a _general idea_ of where the blackmail should be stored."

Blanc pulled out a map out of nowhere, with two locations clearly marked. One was "Lastation" and to the north was "Anonydeath's Lab." Wait, Anonydeath?

"Oh god I'm going to have to fight another robot lobster, aren't I?" I sighed in resignation as IF patted my back.

"Well, better that than something like a robot crab. Could you _imagine_ the damage those things could do?" She shuddered.

"Robotic sea life aside, I'd appreciate if you would enlist the help of Lastation's CPU as well. I know you already fought with her, so it shouldn't be that difficult and might help in establishing relations later… Assuming she wants anything to do with me after what happened."

I shrugged. "Can't be as bad as last time." And with that, we got up and prepared to leave. "It's been a pleasure Blanc, I appreciate having the chance to talk to you normally."

"The same to you. I forgot how sometimes people are just people and don't need a reason to help you. It's like when I first became a CPU over again." Her smile remained and her half lidded eyes shined with hope. I couldn't fail Blanc like I failed her counterpart.

"Wait." Blanc spoke up before we left, fiddling in her pocket and pulling out a pair of red badges, each attached to a string. "Wear these around the castle and the guards will know you're an honoured guest." I gave a hard glare. "I mean it this time. They won't even bother you about being armed. It's the least I can do after being such a pain." She got up, heading towards her throne again, this time pushing it out of the way to reveal a person-sized hole in the wall. "This will lead to the underground network. Basically how I get out without attracting attention. Don't worry, I can close it up behind you."

And with that, we headed through the wall, the throne closing behind us as Blanc dragged it back over the hole. "Simple yet effective," I remarked. "That's Blanc down to a T, isn't it?"

We walked through the dark tunnel, light gradually filling our eyes as we wandered through. Oddly, the light itself was blue, rather than something more traditional. As we exited the tunnel, this became apparent as to why.

A large crystalline cavern unfolded before us, sapphires irradiating light to keep the majority of the otherwise dark cavern visible. "Woah…" I couldn't hold in my awe.

"Hell of a system," IF observed as I noticed the lack of signs or other amenities that a normal system would have.. "I guess this was used for underground travel _formerly_, with another, more recent one having more artificial lighting and… _Less enemies._" She sighed as several rocks started to form together into a golem-like being, embedded with various gems, with some living flowers backing them up as they headed towards us.

"Nothing is ever easy." I mutter as I pulled Serenity out of its scabbard. Seems that even _getting_ to Lastation is going to be an adventure.

* * *

**A/N: **Yeah, bit of a short one this time around, apologies if it seemed a little rushed, but Blanc's backstory took a lot of time to write out, considering the canon of Ultradimension.

To summarise in meta knowledge: Without Plutia and the gang to beat the shit out of Blanc originally and get her imprisoned after Mr. Badd backstabs her, Mr. Badd was able to gain leverage over her in a different way, by compiling a list of things that would more likely than not achieve the same effect as the fight (I.E. Tanking Blanc's shares.), which allowed for the Seven Sages to run rampant as the most powerful CPU in Ultradimension is now under their heel.

Now with IF and Koei heading to Anonydeath's Lab (The real one this time), can they take out the heel from Blanc's back and bring peace to the lonely CPU? What dangers await them in the madman's lab? Do you think that he'd mind that Koei and IF and basically breaking, entering and destroying the shit he is working hard to reclaim?

But before we end, I do want to make that announcement. **Edit from the future: THIS IS IRRELEVANT. The next chapter will continue the story. It is just that at the time I wanted it to be a seasonal episode. Keeping this up for posterity, though.**

The next chapter _will not_ be the continuing adventures of KoeIffy!

_Jeering and boos_

Instead, I have something more grand in mind. A nice, chunky one shot halloween themed chapter!

_Cheers and rejoicing_

I'll explain more in the chapter itself. Just watch this space, it'll be here sooner than you think. Until then, stay spooky!


	23. Inside The Maiden's Lab

**A/N: **That is _more words_ that I expected. A surprise for sure. But not an unwelcome one!

Anyway, I have _two_ lots of Author's Notes to get through today. Though this might get confusing after this is archived for reasons I'll elaborate on at the end… Or next chapter. Whatever, meta things. MAILBAG, GO!

Starting with the last _story relevant_ chapter:

**Blaze2121: **People die when they are killed! And Koei has to reiterate his moral stance one too many times, it seems. I think people get it at this point and maybe I should give you guys a little more credit. Maybe. Or I could stop writing while drunk and forgetting if I did write something or not?

**EnderSoul1401: **They're both so socially inept! It's adorable! Fuck with Iffy's man and you get a claw to the face. Meerow.

**Xbox432: **Blackmail is the solution to and cause of all of life's problems! Or was that alcohol?

Iffy needs more headpats though. Get on that, Koei!

And now for _Koei Der Toten:_

**Blaze2121:** I kinda just realized that _this totally not Uzume_ you're talking about is basically a CPU version of IF personality wise. God, imagine if they got into a catfight over Koei? Blood would be shed.

**EnderSoul1401:** Yup. I miss Nazi Zombies, so making a small reference to it seemed like fun. As was writing the rest of that drug filled fever dream.

Anyway, on with the Ultradimension antics!

* * *

How in the seven hells are you supposed to beat up a _golem?_ They don't have organs to kick in, and they're made out of rocks!

"This would be a great time to cast my trademark ice spells…" I mutter to myself as I dodged the animated pile of rocks. Sucks that I have Mana Burnout, then!

"You're telling me!" IF attempted several of her own spells, all of which simply bounced off the golem. "What kind of spellblade are you if you can't _cast spells?_"

I sighed externally as I fired a few shots of Tranquility at the hulking beast, stunning it slightly but not visibly damaging it. "Rub it in, why don't you?" I say with some bitterness in my voice.

"GLADLY!" IF shot back, hurting my feelings slightly as she slashed ineffectually.

"FINE I'LL BEAT IT MYSELF, THEN!" I yell back, kicking the middle, red rock of the golem which I figured to be the "heart" of it, before picking it up and throwing it into the nearest wall. While it didn't shatter, it did _crack_ and laid on the cave floor.

"Nice job _beating that golem!_" IF snapped at me as I decided to jog to her. She had a shit eating grin on her face as I approached. "Really though, shouldn't we run?"

"Sure, why not?" I agreed, following the chunni as we adopted the tactic of _getting the fuck outta there._ Looking behind me, the golem slowly reformed, but it seems like it lost track of us in the somewhat dim cave.

A few moments of high level sprinting later, we rested on some medium sized rocks, away from any localized threats that may threaten our continued goal of not dying.

"I'm a great fighter, I know." I stated simply.

"Well, my parents always told me that if you can't beat them, get the hell outta there." IF replied, some tiredness in her voice.

"My dad told me to dig in your heels, no matter what." I shrugged. "Sometimes it's _good_ to ignore advice like that."

"Your parents got divorced, didn't they?" IF laughed in a slightly hurt manner. "I know that feeling."

"Oh?" I prod to see if I could get some backstory out of her.

"Yup. They separated when I was young. Mother stayed in Leanbox, but my dad moved to Planeptune, as well as having full custody. He did teach me to stand up for myself, because as you can imagine, I got bullied a lot too." She pointed to her hair clip. "Also, that's why I use this. Always have a part of home with me wherever I go."

"Aw…" I patted the fellow spellblade on the head, causing her to squee. "Guess we have that in common as well."

IF eventually took my hand off of her head. "Y-yeah… Still not as screwed up as you, though."

I overdramatically feigned hurt. "Oh, my darling Iffy! How could you say such hurtful things?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah, come on. That blackmail won't nuke itself." She got up and I followed suit, before heading deeper into the cave system.

I mean it was nothing _much_, it was just a goddamn cave after all and the residents seemed more than happy to let us pass after making several examples of the local plantlife. Didn't think these things could feel _fear_ but you know, first time for everything.

Our trekking eventually led us to the entrance of the cave, indicated by the natural light shining out of it. "You think this is the exit?" I asked the chunni, who headed through.

"Looks like it, somehow." IF replied and I followed suit out into the world, the light blinding my eyes as we readjusted to the sun shining down on us.

Ahead of us was a large grassy plain, with a city off in the distance, dark skyscrapers indicating what the nation was.

"Ya think that's Lastation?" I ask, somewhat facetiously as the brunette turned to me with a glare in her emerald eyes.

"No, I think we looped back to _Lowee_." She deadpanned as she put a hand to her chin. "You brought the map, right?"

Feeling around my pocket, I then realized that I did not in fact, bring the map. "Uhh, I remember! We have to go _north!_" I pointed dramatically in a north-ish direction, probably.

IF put a hand to her face. "So I take that as a _no._ We could use the CPU of this Lastation's help, probably. Best to stop off in Lastation and find out where exactly _north_ is, along with finding the CPU."

I shrugged. "Sure, but this Noire may or may not be a raging lesbian."

IF gave me a grin. "Aside from _me_ of course, I think any woman instantly turns lesbian around you, Koei."

I flipped her off. "Yet you're with me. Come on, we're burning daylight here." I motioned for her to follow me and she did as such as we headed for the tsundere nation of Lastation.

* * *

We headed to Lastation in silence, which was a nice change of pace from our usual vitriol-filled banter… Not that I minded, of course, it gave me time to observe the land around us. It wasn't much, but that was what made it so fascinating to me. Lastation was usually so advanced that the environment suffered as a result, but in this version of Lastation, it seemed far more… Innocent.

Eventually we ended up just outside the city of Black Regality. A giant pair of black wings topped the structure, rising like a bird above the young town.

Aside from that, it was a smaller, cleaner Lastation. I assume that with no version of Kei in this dimension, Noire has a lot more direct impact on her nation. Something like that.

"Well, we're here." IF spoke up, taking me out of my thoughts as I turned to the jacket-clad woman. "Now what?"

I shrugged. "I thought you were the Guild agent, lead the way."

IF nodded with a smug grin. "More like it. Let's scope some local stores, surely they'd know about their CPU and if not that, which way _North_ is."

"Sounds good!" I agreed, as we started to explore this alternate Lastation. At the very least, I didn't need that rag to look around here at least.

Some time later, after passing through what looked like a recently built residential district, we came across a store. A humble store, but one that looked like it had its own master craftsman inside. Well, no time like the present!

Walking in, a bell rang as the door close behind us. Looking around, it was pretty similar to the stores back in Hyperdimension, though without the user interface, meaning that items had to be taken to the counter.

I blinked. Right, this is how stores run in the _real world._

Looking around, the first thing I noticed were the homebrewed potions. Instead of a generic glass full of blue liquid, each glass seemed to have a specially crafted top along with a label that was ever so slightly different. As for the contents, they were _healing potions_, but I couldn't really investigate without cracking one open. Still, I'm sure I had a few hundred Credits lying around from yesterday…

"Hello and welcome to Gust's store, how can Gust help you today?" A young voiced popped up from behind the counter, as a head popped out. Heading to the counter, I saw a girl who looked pretty young, maybe even Peashy's age, but her eyes burned with determination of… A sale? Still, she had brown scruffy hair and hazel eyes to match, a large bunny-like hat making her seem at least a little bit taller. A frilly blue dress complete with pouch covered her torso and… Those are _big white gloves,_ damn girl. The pouch was filled with… Ingredients and… a glass bottle?!

"Are you going to keep checking Gust out like a hunk of meat or are you going to say something?" This "Gust" spoke up again. I really need to stop inner monologuing.

I rubbed my head sheepishly. "Ah, sorry. Is this your store, young miss?"

She nodded. "Yes, Gust is a very successful enterprise owner, despite Gust's looks. I specialise in potions, but I sell general goods as well, sir."

Awww she's so polite! "Well, I was hoping for some information on the Basilicom as well as the general direction of North, bu-"

"Buy two of Gust's Healing Brews and we'll talk." She cut me off very suddenly, leaning on the counter in a very casual manner. "Gust has a roof to keep over Gust's head, after all."

I _suppose_ that's fair. Walking back over to the potions section, I took a pair of "Healing Brews" and brought them to the counter.

"That'll be… 2500 Credits, please!" Gust calculated the total cost while my jaw dropped in shock.

"_**2500?! I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHERE THE BASILICOM WAS!"**_

"Yes and Gust wanted a sale. 2500 Credits please." She repeated, no room for negotiation.

"I can see why you're so successful now…" IF spoke up as she slammed a bag of coins onto the counter. Gust took the time to count them up, seeming happy with the amount as I put the Healing Brews in my bag. "What do these Healing Brews do anyway?"

"Healing Brews are Gust's speciality item, of course! Good for travellers such as yourself. More condensed healing power means you can use it in portions rather than all at once!"

That _does_ in fact sound handy. "Now, for the information?"

Gust got down from her stepladder, me only noticing now how short she was, before heading into the back behind the counter and grabbing two things… A map and compass?

"Here you go sir. Gust shall throw in a 100 Credit town map of Lastation and a 150 Credits compass. Thank you for your patronage!"

I blinked as I calculated that I just paid well over the odds for what was essentially glorified healing potions and a map. "You sneaky little…"

Gust gave the most malicious grin she could with her small stature. "Gust provided what you asked, if you had specified a map and compass I would have given you them for 250 Credits. _Thank you for your patronage._"

I sighed, knowing that I wasn't going to get a refund at this point. Walking out of the door I ensured to be as thankful for that patronage as possible by not doing anything that could potentially cost more credits.

Once we got out, IF was snickering to herself.

"What? She just cost you 2500 Credits!" I asked in confusion at the happy chunni.

IF burst out into full on laughter. "YOU GOT SCAMMED BY A LITTLE GIRL! THAT WAS WORTH IT FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT ALONE! AHAHHAHA!"

IF then fell over, rolling on the floor, doubled and tripled up in laughter. I suppose that it worked out either way and _she did_ give us the information needed… Albeit in that shrewd businessman way that abuses 16 different loopholes and obscure laws along with exact wording.

No wonder she's running a successful business. Motherfucker's _ice cold._

After what felt like hours, IF calmed down, tears in her eyes and she still had the giggles, but she had _calmed down _at least.

"Ahh, why can't you always be that funny, Koei?" IF wiped her eyes, finally done with her uncharacteristic laughter.

"Because it involves me being scammed by little girls with a scary amount of business sense?" I answered honestly.

"Yeah, those little shits can be manipulative. Should have seen me when I was young. "Tripping" near ice cream stands and crying to get a free one to give to Compa when I could only afford one… Good times."

"That bodes well." I noted, before pulling out the map of Lastation and finding it surprisingly useful, with Gust's shop even being marked on the map for some reason. "Let's see," I muttered as I heard IF lean over my shoulder. "We're here, outside of Gust's shop and the Basilicom is…"

"On the next street over." IF pointed to a building just in my view as I scanned the map. Son of a _bitch._ Crumpling up the map in frustration, I heard another bout of giggling from the manipulator, forcing me to grab her arm and drag her with me to the Basilicom, not that she seemed to notice or mind.

Still, she calmed down again by the time we got to the Basilicom not a minute later. It surprisingly had one guard in front of it, sword pointed at the ground in a guarded manner.

"Welcome to the Basilicom." He read robotically, probably part of a script. "If you would like to see Lady Black Heart, unfortunately she is not in right now. Please leave a message after the beep.

**BEEP.**"

It's a _fucking answering machine._ Still a pretty convincing statue, though. "Yeah I'd like two number nines, a number nine large…"

"Uh, Koei?" IF tried to interrupt me.

"A number six with extra dip, a number seven…"

"Koei?" IF asked, a little more forcefully.

"Two number forty fives, one with cheese and a large soda." I finished my tirade, finally turning around to see IF… and Noire, palm attached right to face.

"You're not the first to treat the Basilicom as a drive-thru, nor will you be the last. But _that joke got old fast, Koei. And now I have to listen to it again, so __**what the hell do you want?"**_

Ah. Probably not the best choice in hindsight. "Well, I did want your help with clearing out a laboratory up north. Along with maybe starting to forge a working relationship with White Heart?"

"The psycho with an axe who attacked us yesterday? Yeah I _really_ want to work alongside her." Noire rolled her eyes dramatically. "What, does some _shady mafia_ have blackmail on her, the strongest CPU in Gamindustri, forcing her to do nothing about the growing crime organization without outside help and that's why you're going to clear it out, presumably with _my_ help?"

I took a moment to process what she just said. "Yeah, that's about right."

"Sorry, but I have actual work to do today." Noire declined my offer rather harshly. "As much as I'd like to help you in your suicidal and pointless quest, I _really do_ have paperwork to burn through. Turns out some shopkeep or other is selling locally produced potions and isn't giving me the taxes from them. It's at times like these I wish I had a secretary…" She muttered before walking into the Basilicom, closing the door behind her.

"Well… Shit." I rubbed the back of my head, turning back to IF. "Guess we're on our own for this."

IF shrugged. "Did you honestly expect her to believe you? I mean, _I _don't trust Blanc on this and I barely met her, can't imagine what she thinks of the situation."

Wait. "You _don't_ trust Blanc?"

"You do?"

"I have no reason to trust her _beyond_ her being a CPU, but doesn't that seem like reason enough?" I ask.

"Not… Really…" IF sighed with mild annoyance. "But we have nothing _better _to do over the next two days so I'll go along with it. Not your worst idea, anyway."

"Fair enough, then." I start feeling around my pockets for the map I way overpaid for and uncrumpled it. As you may gather from the fact it was a map, North was up on it, which was convenient, as we had just come from the South with Gust's shop. "We go… That way." I pointed to North before throwing the paper away out of sheer disgust for my mistake.

"Well, the Credits were worth it for the _memories_, not the map…" IF shrugged as she followed me out of the surprisingly sparse city.

After what felt like just over a minute, black buildings gave away to green fields once again as Lastation was left behind us. Continuing onward, I checked my compass and it surprisingly pointed _North_, so it clearly meant we were in the right direction, somehow.

After awhile of untouched nature, we hit a wall. Literally, in this case because it was a sheer cliffside that separated Lowee and Lastation entirely. Little wonder that Blanc has to use an underground passage to travel to and from Lowee, then.

"Great map, though." IF pulled out the map Blanc gave us before leaving Lowee. "It just has the Lab marked as "NORTH" and we're as far North as we can be."

"Well, if I was a mad scientist, I'd probably hide the entrance at least _somewhat _we-"

"Found it!" IF yelled, tapping a "rock" as it vibrated. In a surprising show of strength, she picked up the "rock" and tossed it aside, revealing a hole in the otherwise rock solid wall, with the "rock" rolling away rather harmlessly.

"Honestly, if we didn't specifically know there was a lab here, this place probably would have remained undiscovered for several decades…" I noted, somewhat depressed at how little it takes for a secret to be ruined.

"We're here anyway, so might as well go in." IF said, waving me in to follow her, the tunnel at first using only natural light, before lights gradually started to fill the wars to light up the rest of the tight corridor. Eventually the hallway stopped and we were in the main lab, which was full of computers… _Desktop_ computers. Yeah, no massive room filling supercomputers here, they're just normal everyday PCs. Albeit they are a little before my time, but…

"This was not what I expected." IF mirrored my thoughts as she approached a desktop and hit a few keys on the keyboard. "Seems like these things are active as well, go check a different one and see what you can find."

I nod and head to a second desktop, identical in appearance as I grabbed a nearby office chair and sat down, looking at the screen.

* * *

_Day 1_

_Well, it took a while of searching, but I found a new base of operations in the middle of this mountain range outside of Lowee's border and after some time, managed to get my stuff from the Seven Sages base of operations in DATA EXPUNGED here… Probably should cut that part out just in case someone gets past the fake boulder. Still, I finally have a place where I can work on my projects without Arfy or that old grump Mr. Badd complaining every 5 minutes. That and I get to do these neat little logs without poor little Rei worrying her head about "leaking information". It's not like the Seven Sages would be in any danger anyway, we haven't even done anything!_

* * *

So he _is_… _was_ a part of the Seven Sages. I should probably talk to him when I get back to make sure he's still a _former_ member.

* * *

_Warning: Logs missing. Skipping to first intact log..._

_Day 124:_

_Well, that was a bust, as I predicted. I told Arfy that trying to get the CPU Memories was a terrible idea, as we had no candidates for it even if we did manage to acquire it without incident. __**Then an incident happened.**_ _Arfy and that rat refuse to talk about it, but they seem to be… Slightly traumatized by it. This is why I wanted to ensure we had a __**complete**_ _idea of what Planeptune held before making our move. Well, we know now at least… Sort of._

* * *

Huh, didn't Noire mention something about becoming a CPU that day? Well, if _Iris Heart's aura_ was anything to go by, opposing her ends in pain and trauma.

* * *

_ERROR: Data corruption detected. Backing up last saved logs…_

_Day DATE NOT FOUND:_

_Rei said she felt weaker today for some reason, as if her power was being sucked through a void. A quick energy scan of the Seven Sages HQ showed why. A small hole in time and space had opened, draining energy from her gradually. A quick shot from a drone quickly made it disappear, however._

_Rei seemed fine and even grateful after that, but I can't help but be curious as to what that was…_

_Day ERROR:_

_While I've never left via the "front" entrance of this base due to security concerns, I did take a peek out in the evening and… There's a Nation there now. I picked this area solely for it being abandoned! But as this was established long before this new nation even existed, that means that I could get away with living here as long as I don't open up this entrance ever again. After all, nobody has any reason to come here now… Right?_

* * *

Wonder if that map that Blanc got was from the Seven Sages themselves. Even so, there _should_ be another exit, as implied in that log…

* * *

_Last recorded log: Day ERROR:_

_Well, it's all gone to shit. In the time I've been less involved with the Seven Sages, it seems that Rei's mental state has deteriorated. A lot. She's barely the person who first formed the Seven Sages all that time ago and she keeps demanding rifts from me despite my insistence that I don't know how to make one._

_Though I feel at this point she can see through my blatant lies. I've been beta testing rift for a while now, mostly for research. But Rei wants more than "research", she wants power. Ever since she found out that rifts could transfer power from one place to another on that day, she's been a terror about wanting to know when she could harness this power._

_Here's the thing Rei: You won't. I'm sorry, but I'm deleting all the logs related to the rift research as I speak, opening one final one to get myself out of here then shutting down the machine as I leave. Your thirst for power has gone too far._

_Anonydeath_

* * *

Getting up from the chair, this provided a lot of insight into just _what_ the hell happened to make him come here in the first place.

"Hey, IF. You might want to check this out." I motioned for her to come over to my position and pointed to the desktop, the final log still on screen.

A few minutes of silence later, IF gave me a nod. "Alright. I believe you, Koei."

I tilted my head. "Huh?"

She put a hand on my shoulder. "About Blanc, I get it now. If I was being threatened by this power-hungry version of Rei, I think I'd surrender to her whims for the sake of my people."

"Yeah it seems that under the threat of a power hungry Rei _and_ having your less-than stellar personality fully shown to the ones you garner faith from… It's little wonder why she wanted that CPU Memory. Hell, if the Sages got that Memory-"

"It doesn't bear thinking about." IF cut me off. "Now that we know what our end goal is, let's keep checking for this blackmail."

Resolve restored, I nodded before returning to checking the various desktops scattered about. While in my time this seemed entirely impratical and expensive, considering these are older looking desktops, I would assume this dimension is a few steps behind than what I'm used to.

Hell, if I had any engineering knowledge outside the bare basics, I could single handedly kick start a revolution here and become a billionaire and retire on that.

If I had that chance before becoming so… Entrenched with becoming an adventurer and the adrenaline it provides? I would have taken it in a heartbeat.

My idle thoughts were interrupted as I checked my upteempth desktop, finally getting somewhere.

* * *

**Log 1:**

_Lady Blanc told me, directly. "I don't need a fucking Prime Minister, I've ruled Lowee solo for this long, haven't it? Get the hell out of here before I throw you out!"_

_While this isn't good for infiltrating the most powerful Nation, this might bode well for Plan B…_

**Log 25:**

_After enough insistence, Lady Blanc finally accepted my offer. Within my first hour of being her Prime Minister, I have recorded several off the cuff remarks that would hurt her standing with her citizens. Now the fun __**really**_ _begins…_

**Log 478:**

_Shuffling funds into the Seven Sages' offshore account aside, Lady Blanc has been as short tempered as ever when it comes to the rift situation. She knows nothing about it other than random holes opening and sometimes dumping out a powerful monster that she needs to take care of. She has no further interest in researching them, which is unfortunate for the plans we had originally envisioned._

* * *

Good fucking god, how long do these go on for? No wonder Blanc was completely screwed, _this_ level of blackmail is nigh unrecoverable.

"Hey, IF. Think I found the blackmail." I alerted the guild agent, pointing to the monitor I was just reading from. A minute of silence as she read the final log and she nodded again.

"Yeah, this is it. How do you think we get rid of them? Deleting them one by one might take a long time." IF pondered mostly to herself.

I rolled up my sleeves. "Well, I did a course on computers back in the day and know how to remove a hard drive. Pass me a screwdriver, won't you?"

IF complied, handing the thin tool over, as I turned off the PC via the mains and ensuring it was fully powered off. "First of all, we ensure the PC is powered off before doing _anything._ Electric shocks are nothing to fuck with." I mutter to myself mostly as I started to unscrew the case.

"Yeah, I think you're fully aware of that. Don't worry, I have more Paralaxin on me in case you fuck it up." IF snarked as the case came off. I gently placed it to the side, along with the tiny, easily losable screws.

"Then, we locate the hard drive." I poked around the innards of the desktop computer, finding the RAM, motherboard and the like, before finding the hard disk drive, attached via various cables. Carefully detaching those, I finally lifted the offending storage out of the PC.

"That is the way you extract a hard drive without damaging it." I stated simply, before heading to my backpack, grabbed Peace while still holding the hard drive in my other hand, before locating the nearest wall…

Before promptly throwing the hard drive at it, shattering it pretty badly. I then sprinted over to the already broken machinery before firing several shots of Peace into it, frying the circuits further as it sparked violently.

I then turned to IF with a shocked look on her face. "And _that_ is how you safely annihilate said hard drive. Be a dear and bring me the case, too. I want to make sure _none_ of this is salvageable."

IF's shocked expression wore off as she complied, bringing the rest of the PC over, before placing it onto the ground.

Taking a step back to ensure my own safety, I fired several plasma shots into the rest of the PC, both the bullet and the plasma damaging it beyond repair, leaving it a smoking, sparking mess.

I wiped my brow. "Job well done. But _just_ to be sure…"

* * *

I'll admit, I had a _little_ bit too much fun turning each and every desktop in that lab into molten slag. I felt bad for Anonydeath, though. He put all this time and effort into buying and filling these desktops with logs upon logs only for me to come fry them into scrap.

"Ah well, better than them falling into the hands of the Seven Sages." I mutter, firing one last bullet into the pile. Yes, somehow Peace had not ran out of ammunition during that spree. Nepgear's technical prowess far exceeded mine at least.

"Well, we should scope out the rest of the area just in case." IF looked at the pile of destroyed technology with a sigh. "And hope it's not more desktops you have to annihilate with prejudice."

I nodded as we shuffled further into the base. Thankfully those seemed to be all the computers around, although there were various blueprints for robots and the like scattered about the place, including one I thought was pretty familiar.

"Hey… Isn't that the lobster we fought in Lowee?" I pointed to the schematics of a robot lobster, it resembling the previously mentioned cybernetic crustacean.

"Looks like it." IF nodded, taking the blueprint and stuffing it inside her coat. I stared at her incredulously. "What? I thought Nepgear would like it."

I rolled my eyes as I searched the room further, trying to dig up any more dirt that could be on the Lowee CPU. it was pretty much all blueprints for various items, including a mind control chip "powerful enough to override someone's memories", which was worrying.

Still, it seemed to be clean of dirt. Wandering into the next room was where the real magic began though, as it spread out before is. While the previous two rooms were for documentation and logging, _this_ is where the magic happened, as this was the workshop. Machinery of all kinds lay half-built states in the dimly lit warehouse, including a few familiar faces such as Bits and even the robot animals I fought way back when we first came up against Anonydeath.

"Rather nostalgic, this is." I noted, walking over to a SN1P-SNAP and patting the inactive crab. "Ah, I remember when I tried to pry this little shitbag from Nepgear's dress. Good times."

I could _feel_ IF's burning glare from behind me, but there was no time to explain as two yellow lights suddenly lit up in front of me before _something_ smacked me backwards.

"Koei!" IF yelled, her anger turning to worry as the figure made itself known.

"**Intruders: Detected. Switching to combat mode."** A robotic voice came from the place I was attacked as it walked into the light.

What a sight it was, being a blue fucking **crab mecha.** Well, it had the body of a crab at least, but slightly humanlike as in it had a torso between it's claws and legs, giving it more stature than a normal grab would. It also housed a purple light with three notches in, presumably a power source for it. It being a crab and all, it had _massive claws_ that were at the perfect height to fuck you up in a major way. It also had a laser cannon attached just above it's stalk-eyes, because clearly this thing wasn't dangerous enough as it was.

"What in the fuck…" IF pulled out her katars, ready for a fight as I got up and pulled out Serenity.

"**Designation: SN1P-SNAP OMEGA. Objective: DESTROY INTRUDERS."** It stated as if responding to IF's query.

"I uh… We're friends of Anonydeath?" I ask nervously.

"**CONVERSATION: REJECTED."** It replied, before preparing to attack.

**Koei and IF**

**Vs. **

**SN1P-SNAP Omega**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

**(Current Music: Courtney Gears - GaMetal Remix)**

The floor beneath us slowly lowered into a much less cramped area with notably less scrap around the sides, which helped a lot in keeping the arena clear of potential hazards.

As the floor came to a halt, the robotic crustacean advanced, clearly not hampered by the movement limitations of the creature it was inspired from.

IF tried to stop the automated antagonist's advance with a Demon Flame, but it simply licked at it without causing any noticeable damage as it swung for her with a metallic pincer. She barely dodged through the mechanical legs of SN1P-SNAP as it targeted me now.

Of course, I was grabbing Tranquility to attempt to fry it with plasma shots, but I was too slow and ended up having to dodge a claw myself, firing a few potshots that missed the raging robot, rather predictably.

"Dammit Koei, why can't you aim?" IF yelled from behind me, leaping up into the air before unleashing… Light swords? This new attack did as much as Demon Flames did, as in _none._

"Nice spell, though!" I snarked back, as the crab turned to it's now grounded attacker and advanced, giving me ample time to aim a trifecta of shots towards it's now exposed back.

To my ever growing shock, not only did I nail a shot due to it walking in a straight line, but _I somehow stunned it temporarily._ That was the good news, anyway. The bad news is that the laser attached was now aware of my presence and started firing at me while the main body was stunned. And believe me, lasers are _not_ easy to dodge.

Thankfully, IF took this time to rush over to my bag, throwing Tranquility to me as I dodged more laser shots. While I didn't _catch_ it, it did slide across the floor in order for me to grab it before the robot could get back to functioning. It seems we had a strategy now as it shuddered back to life.

"**Activating Protocol: DEATH TO SQUISHIES."**

In a sudden burst of movement, SN1P-SNAP charged towards me, barely giving me time to dodge as it unleashed a flurry of claw swipes, followed by several laser shots.

I looked at IF, who wiped her brow in relief as the crab finished it's combination attack, before jumping 180 degrees and stared directly into my soul, before giving a metallic roar.

"I think it's mad…" I looked at IF, who gave me a rather half-assed stare as it charged again.

As I was not looking, I didn't see the mechanical menace coming until it was too late, IF suddenly shoving me out of the way before it could smash me silly. This had the unfortunate side effect of-

"AGH!"

A scream of pain interrupted me as IF was flung to my side, having taken the brunt of it's attack. Her face was down and as she rotated back around I saw blood running down her face as several brand new cuts had now been added to her otherwise perfect complexion.

"I… Iffy…" I hurried towards her, holding her hand as she looked me dead in the eyes.

"Koei… You should have kept an eye on yourself, heh." IF laughed a little bit, before coughing up blood. No, fuck no. Not this. Not now.

I rushed over to my bag, knowing I had healing supplies in there, no other thoughts in my mind other than saving her. I ran back, forgetting about the thing that injured her as I opened up the flask of healing fluid and started to pour it down her throat as she lay there, almost helpless.

It was difficult to see how much damage that _thing_ did to her, as most of her body was covered, but it didn't seem like anything was broken. Still…

IF took the potion off of me as she slowly shifted up to a sitting position. "Everything is pain…" She wheezed. "But I'll b-be fine."

I looked her square in her emerald eyes. "No. Go sit this one out. It's my fault you got hurt." I gave no room for negotiation, my anger scarcely contained as she complied, limping towards my bag and moving off of the arena, out of sight.

"As for **you.**" I got up, whatever minor pain from that shove now drowned out by adrenaline. "My name is Koei Tech. You _fucked_ with my girlfriend."

It stomped towards me it, eventually casting a shadow over me as I gave it the biggest stink eye and merciless grin I could. "Prepare to die."

**Koei**

**Vs.**

**SN1P-SNAP Omega**

**Man or Machine?**

**LET'S ROCK!**

**(Current Music: Tor - Iji)**

"**IT'S USELESS, HUMAN!"** The robot screeched at me, attempting to smash my skull but a swift dodge quickly put any plans of that happening into the ground, rather literally. While it did get it's claw stuck in the ground with the sheer force of the attack, the cannon could still fire shots at me. I opted to do something reckless and reflect them with a slash of Serenity. While it didn't quite go as well as I expected, I felt _something_ inside me, as if Serenity had absorbed the power of that attack.

I didn't know what in the unholy hell just happened, but if I had a chance…

The cybernetic crustacean finally gained the ability to free its claw as it turned towards me again, firing another plasma bolt towards me. I again, slashed at the ball to stop it from hitting me and again, I _felt_ stronger somehow. This feeling…

Another swift dodge backwards as it attempted to swipe at me and I realized I was approaching the edge of the arena. While it wouldn't be too far of a fall, my worry is with Iffy, not my well being.

… That sounds really bad in context. Still, I opted to lead SN1P-SNAP by walking away from the edge, dodging an occasional claw swipe. It seemed to catch on to my trick as it suddenly lifted itself up into the air and sailed over me, landing with a crash behind me.

"**YOU FACE DEATH, HUMAN!"** It roared mechanically again as it attempted once again to smash my skull into the ground. Rather predictably I dodged out of the way, causing it to once again get its claws stuck, this time even harder.

"Pfft, _facing_ death? I've died once already." I said smugly, the cannon trying to nail a shot on me as I climbed onto the smooth cobalt body, finally able to tear out the offending cannon and throw it away, leaving it defenseless as I repeated with the eyes, taking pleasure as the last thing they saw was my grin as I tore the fuckers out, causing them to flicker before permamently dim as I tossed them to the sides, hearing the satisfying sound of glass shattering. I raised Serenity to the sky, it glinting from a nearby light source as I slammed the blade down for a final blow an-

_Chink_

… Right, it's a crab. With no time to further contemplate my mistake, it reared up, throwing me off as steam started to release from it in rather comedic fashion. It didn't take me long to get up as it charged again, but this time I sidestepped out of the way as it didn't look where it was going, tumbling off the edge of the arena into a nearby wall, claws becoming one with the wall as the force of its momentum forced the otherwise sturdy structure to break. It looked fully stuck at this point and even if it wasn't, still blinded and cannonless.

**(Song End)**

"Phew." I sighed in relief as I watched this once powerful mecha struggle against the power of a wall as I climbed down the arena. To my surprise, I was tackle hugged by a very familiar face, notably less bloody but still beat up.

"Koei! I'm so glad you're alright!" IF intamately embraced me as I felt a heavy blush turning my face into crimson from embarrassment and exhaustion.

I embraced her back. "Yeah well, you took a good hit for me, figured I should pay attention to stop these rugged looks from being damaged any more." I replied somewhat tiredly as she let go, as I felt air refill my lungs. Girl can _squeeze_, that much is for sure.

"R-right." IF's turn to blush, as I noticed her holding my backpack, now with Peace and Tranquility inside safely. Huh, so that's where they went. "I think we should destroy this _thing_ for daring to hurt my boyfri- before it gets out of this lab and causes more havoc." IF cut herself off, blush not fading as I turned to the struggling sea creature. It was kind of sad if it wasn't for it nearly killing _MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!_

I grinned before nodding. "I know _just_ how to finish this." I held on to Serenity tightly, the reforged blade seeming to know where this was going as it started to glow a Lowee-ish cyan.

As it charged, I felt the pain of Mana Burnout slowly creep back in, but I ignored it as the tip of Serenity started to expand, crystals emanating from the sphere that was gradually expanding around the blade before pointing it above the mechanized menace.

"**Frostblast.**" I stated simply, as the ball of ice launched into the air, going higher and higher until gravity caught up to it. "IF, cover that Frostblast in Demon Flames, I have an idea."

She curtly nodded as she charged her spell, katars glowing a faint orange, while I grabbed Tranquility, putting down Serenity. I _needed_ to nail this shot.

As the ball of ice fell, slowly being engulfed in flame, I lined up Tranquility with both hands steady on the pistol, feeling my energy slowly being put into the pistol as I waited for the perfect moment.

"I pray that the fires of Hell will purge you…" IF stated maliciously as I perfectly timed out my shot.

"As much as this shot will _destroy_ you! **HELL RAVEN'S BARRAGE!**" I yelled at the top of my lungs, finally releasing the shot, the ball of plasma that barely had a visible bullet inside of it careened into the mass of fire and ice, causing the magic to combine as a ball of fire, ice _and_ electricity _slammed_ the robot into the ground, causing the robot's claws to be violently torn off as the body crumpled, even the ground bending to the sheer power of the spell as a mass of heat and magic shredded through the armor of SN1P-SNAP, fragments of the bullet burning smaller, but still noticeable holes as ice fragments rained down on it, snapping the already broken legs down further as the robot screamed in pain one last time as the spell dissipated, along with its remains, leaving only Credits and a chip.

Looking into the smoking crater, the Credits seemed to be intact, so I gathered them up and placed them in my bag, as IF grabbed the chip-looking device.

"So… What the _fuck?_" IF asked the most important question of all, which had many permutations in what "the fuck" meant, but I decided on the simplest one.

"I wanted to be fancy." I shrugged, as she placed the chip in one of her many pockets. "Honestly I'm more surprised I cast that Frostblast without _too_ much pain." I rubbed my head sheepishly.

"Well, Mana Burnout cases tend to be temporary. Emotional charges can lead to a faster recovery if the person suffering with said Mana Burnout can push through the initial roadblock of the pain. SP Chargers help too." IF helpfully tossed a bottle of cyan liquid, which I wolfed down appreciatively and after a moment, almost felt like myself again. "Course, it's a _large_ variance on how and when you recover. Compa has gone on long and boring lectures about how I need to conserve my own magic, so I wouldn't worry about burning back out… Unless you plan on using more Glacial Cleaves."

I shook my head. "I don't."

IF shot a thumbs up. "Then we're good." She looked around the arena, ignoring the giant smoking crater in front of her. "Then how the hell do we get _out_ of here?"

I took a look around myself and wondered the same thing. The arena seemed separate from the rest of the lab and the dim lighting didn't help things.

"You think it'll just come back up on it's own?" I ask, climbing back onto the arena, resting my legs over the edge.

"That seems rather anti-OSHA compliant." IF climbed back onto the arena herself, hefting my stuff up with her. I looked in the backpack and my stuff seemed to be fine after I put Tranquility in there with its sister weapon and slid Serenity back where it belonged on my back, before hefting the entire thing onto my shoulders.

"Ah, there we go. The weight of this on my back with my mana back is almost nostalgic." I mutter to myself, as I felt a thud, followed by the platform rising.

Looking up, at our current positions we were going to end up without legs, so I helped IF up after getting myself up and waited for the platform to reach its end.

To my surprise, there was someone there. Standing before me was the CPU of Lastation, who had her hand on a switch, presumably the one that hefted the platform back up.

"Koei… We need to talk."

* * *

**A/N: **I really need to stop cliffhangering these. Or I could not, as I'm bad at ending chapters otherwise.

I did want a few minor things, such as IF and Koei talking with Anonydeath via a two way communication device that he used to use to test out the rifts, but it seemed like needless padding. Not that I needed it, I was shocked when I saw the initial word count, haha.

SN1P-SNAP is also a CHONKY boy. Look at it's official art, it is _almost_ exactly as I described. You don't see that fuckin' torso in Hearthstone, no-siree. Made the fight much more dynamic, in my humblest of opinions.

Also as for Koei getting his magic back? Come on, the Mana Burnout thing was overplayed like, two chapters ago and now seemed like a good time with the crabby boi's shots being "absorbed" by Serenity taking a smidge of inspiration from Iji's fight against Tor. Slight, anyway.

Right now onto the announcement. We're rapidly approaching the part where Koei Der Toten will be in the _next_ part of the linear timeline and that kinda _fucks_ with things a bit, as Koei Der Toten is a self-contained story.

So, the next chapter _will_ be compromised for length (Hey! Don't boo me, these last two chapters have been nearly 20k words!) in order to lead into Koei Der Toten, with the following chapter taking place right after. At this point, I'll shuffle the story around so that Koei Der Toten lines up correctly with the rest of the story. (I'll also have to edit an Author's Note or two to explain what happened.)

So uh yeah. Chapter 24 will be right after this one, with Koei Der Toten being the 25th! (Hey, pretty cool coincidence!) and I'll probably have to modify a chapter or two to compensate.

If I had been a bit faster on the uptake… Apologies for the inconvenience, see you next chapter!


	24. Hyperdimension Sweet Hyperdimension

**A/N: **Hey, don't look at me like that, the last two chapters were nearly 20k words! Give me a break!

Anyway, mailbag!

**Ezik: **Hey, thanks! I think it gets funnier like 24 chapters in, though. Just a thought.

**Blaze2121: **Ah fuck it, I already ruined Ultradimension, might as well throw Megadimension in too. Might end up less confusing that the UD arc. Maybe.

I make 0 promises.

**EnderSoul1401: **GUST THANKS YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE, PLEASE SUPPORT HER ON PAYTREON.

_Ahem_

Noire wanted to be relevant again, so she shoved herself into the plot.

Enough jabbering, on with the show!

* * *

"We need to talk?" I asked, not really sure _what _Noire wanted to talk about. "Is it about breaking and entering into this lab, the robot crab I nearly unleashed upon the world, the pile of molten slag that could have been used to further advance research in Lastation, stealing documents-"

"I… _what the hell have you been-_" Noire shook her head, cutting herself off before she could begin a rant. "N-no, none of that. Come back with me to Lastation, there's something I need to show you."

She turned around for a second, before turning back. "Wait, did IF get _bigger _while I was away? Is there some sort of size technology in there?"

I blinked. "No? This is _my_ version of IF? Pretty sure if there was size enhancement technology, you'd have _much bigger problems_… Literally." I smiled at my horrible pun.

Noire put a palm to her face. "Yeah I walked into that one." She took a moment to remove her hand. "Anyway, just follow me. I still need to show you something."

Complying, we followed the tsundere out of the lab into the late afternoon sunlight. "Damn, been a long day." I noted to nobody's surprise.

"You're telling me, because that paperwork was a btich to sort out." Noire sighed tiredly. "That merchant did not help. She was _relentless_."

Continuing down the path back to Lastation, I saw the "rock" that served to hide the base. "Oh hey, it's Tom!" I pointed to the rock, while the two ladies looked at me in confusion.

"Koei, it's a rock." IF stated simply as we continued on.

"Yes and his name is Tom!" I insisted, to which my plea was ignored. Philistines.

The rest of the journey was made in silence, until we finally got back to Lastation. Even then, Noire and IF remained quiet as we walked to the Basilicom. Once we got there, Noire kindly opened the single door that represented the Basilicom's entrance and I nodded gratefully as we walked through.

The Basilicom was as you expect, fancy, bureaucratic, all that shit. Of course it was significantly less polished than the Hyperdimension counterpart, what with paint feeling, some patches of mould, and I think I saw a rat somewhere.

"You _really_ need to polish this place up." I note as we headed up the stairs to what I assume where Noire's quarters.

Noire gave me a deadly glare. "I'm **working** on it, **thank you** for **informing me.**" She struggled to stay polite as each word was forced out. Approaching what I assumed to be her room, she stopped suddenly.

"We're here already? I wanted to tease you more." I feign sadness as I got another death glare.

"Thankfully for my declining sanity, yes. Now, **BEHOLD!"** Noire dramatically flung open the doors, revealing a screen, along with some form of device on the floor with a sparking rift above it. On the screen was a familiar face.

"Oh hey there Slightly Better Dressed Noire, how are you doing?" I walk towards the screen, ignoring the heat of the glare that Ultradimension Noire was giving me.

"Good," Noire tossed her hair carelessly. "Discovered my counterpart in another dimension, helped make a gate between our dimensions before _that creep_, and now I find out that you're _not_ dead! So you know, ups and downs."

I playfully rolled my eyes. "Thanks." I thought back to the rift, still sparking. "Is that rift safe, though?"

Noire put a hand to her chin. "Well, that's what we've been trying to confuckle out." She shook her head. "While the rift itself _seems _stable, we haven't put a living being through it for… Obvious reasons."

"I volunteer as tribute?" I shrugged.

"**Please** do." The other Noire piped up from behind me as I flipped her off.

"Well, if you insist, just step in there. There is _one_ caveat, though." The Hyperdimension Noire continued. "Despite our supreme intellect, we haven't found a way to get from here to where you are, meaning that this is a one way trip. Are you sure you want to-"

"**FUCK YES."** I said, stepping into the rift instantly, causing my body to warp and twist in ways not known by science. It wasn't _painful_, just weird.

Eventually, I fell onto the floor of a familiar Basilicom, as I saw Noire walk towards me before picking me up. "Incredibly stupid, yet undeniably brave. That's the Koei I know." She sighed before dusting me off as I looked at the screen, IF and the Ultradimension Noire on the other end, mouths agape.

"What? Something on my face?" I feel around my face as IF's hand mated with her own face, muttering something as she walked into the rift herself. A moment of two later, she walked out of the other end, still muttering.

"Well, that worked better than I expected." The Ultradimension Noire spoke up again, her voice crackling slightly over the screen. "Least I'm rid of that asshole."

I flipped her off again. "Well, if you don't mind me, I'mma go drink." With that, I grabbed IF's arm and started to head out of the Hyperdimension Basilicom.

* * *

Oh Lastation, you and your lung killing air was never missed until now. I wanted to take a deep breath for narrative purposes, but my lungs are too important for that, so a smile would have to do.

Poking IF, she finally snapped back to reality and took her hand off of her face. "Well, now that we're back in Hyperdimension, what do we do?"

"Go home and crash." I stated simply before starting to head to the subway station, IF following not far behind.

The subway was shock of shocks, uneventful. Though the seats did feel comfier than usual to my tired, battered body.

Several quiet minutes of train riding later, we were back in Planeptune like nothing happened. My watch was on the fritz, probably due to dimension tripping so I couldn't exactly check the time, but by my estimation it had to be early afternoon at worst.

Chronological disparity is a hell of a drug.

So we walked back to the Planeptune Basilicom, showed my ID to the guards and headed up the elevator, finally arriving to-

"Oh hey Kopey!" Plutia greeted as soon as I walked out of the door, waving lazily as she is prone to do.

"Hey Ploot." I wave back, walking past her before collapsing onto the sofa, the cushions comfily absorbing my weight as I sank into the furniture further. "Ahhh, fucking hell I need this."

IF sat next to me. "My, my, does somebody need a bit of… Excitement?" she ran her finger up my body in a _very_ suggestive manner.

I took one look at her, got up and promptly fucked off to a bedroom. _Any_ bedroom, closed the door behind me and ensured it was locked. I then headed to the nearest pillow and proceeded to _scream into it until I ran out of breath._

Needless to say I wasn't ready for _that_. Nowhere. Fucking. Near.

_Knock, knock_

"Koei? Are you alright?" IF's concerned voice echoed through the door, calming me somewhat.

"Aside from the usual? Yeah, I guess." I put my back against the door, not wanting to open it.

"I… I was joking, by the way. To be honest, I'm not ready for that level of commitment myself." IF confessed, as I heard a thud, presumably IF leaning onto the door. "I mean, I haven't really _dated_ anyone. Compa was pretty adamant about staying "just friends" and nobody else really interested me until you came along."

"Aw, so you do care." I snarked somewhat, leaning against the door, audibly sighing. "We really are an odd couple, huh?"

"I think you make this relationship weird, Koei." IF snarked through the door. "But you know, the _good_ kind of weird, like-"

"Neptune?" I interrupted.

"Heh, yeah." IF replied. "Wanna open this door so I can _nep_ you myself?"

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. "Does that mean what I think it means?" I ask cautiously as I unlocked the door, opening it as I looked into her eyes, her very suggestive eyes…

"Well, if you _insist._" she teased, her hand gently caressing my arm.

"HEY! NO LEWD ALLOWED!" Neptune popped out quite literally out of nowhere, scaring the bajeezus out of IF and I. "This is a **T**-Rated fanfiction! If you two wanna get it on, get a M-rated spinoff! This isn't a hentai, you goddamn degenerates!"

I stared at her incredulously. "Ya done, cockblocker?"

She nodded happily. "Yeah. Have fun with your T-rated romance!" before bounding off to nowhere.

"Well, that was a mood killer if I ever needed one. I need to run some… _Errands._ You comin' with, or?" IF prodded me into doing _work, ugh._

"Nah." I replied. "I'mma catch some Zs, feels like this day has been going on forever…"

"It's only been four chapters!" Neptune yelled some nonsense from outside the room, I rolled my eyes in response.

"Sounds good. See ya later, then." IF proceeded to leave the room, closing the door behind her.

I took off my shoes and other lower clothing, before throwing myself into bed, quite literally. I didn't care that this wasn't my assigned room, I'm fucking knackered.

A few hours wouldn't hurt…

* * *

**A/N:** And now we go into Koei Der Toten! SEAMLESS TRANSITION, 10/10 WRITING!

Still, while you're waiting for the next chapter, you have the perfect chance to read or re-read Koei Der Toten! Surely you wouldn't disappoint me by not reading it?

(FUCKING SHILL. - Neptune)

Yeah, yeah.


	25. Koei Der Toten (Halloween Special)

**Nepspooktion Theme**

Ahahhaa! Welcome dear readers to the first ever Koei Tech Halloween Special! I am your host, Spooktune and I-

Can we get on with it? The chapter's already long enough as it is without padding.

Bah, _fine._ Well, as a Special Chapter!(Trademark), this is unconnected from the current ongoing Ultradimension arc. It actually takes place _riiight after _it, but **do not fret! There will be no spoilers for what happens!** It will be offhandedly mentioned but that's about it!

Maybe you should also explain that this chapter, it being unconnected from the canon of the story, is a little bit… More insane?

_A little bit?_ Koei, have you _read_ this shit? This makes the rest of the story look positively sane!

It is _also_ a smidgen more raunchy than the typical chapter, but probably not as bad as say, Hyperdimension Neptunia: The Animation.

You _do_ realize that this story is basically in that timeline now? Think about it.

I'd rather not. Not that the anime is bad, but... That beach episode would pump this to an M rating easily.

Well with that, we'll hand it off to the actual story!

Yeah, no mailbag this time, as this isn't a plot related chapter. Next chapter we'll have an extra large mailbag segment to make up for it. Please enjoy our feature presentation!

Bye! Don't get spooked!

Oh? I'm getting a signal from _the future~_

The what?

It says that the above statement is to be ignored, as Koei Der Toten is now considered _canon!_

Imagine the great protagonist Neptune, being _wrong!_

Go Nep yourself Koei, this is a post publishing redaction. Not even I can detect those!

Right, so the chapter?

Shoot! Enjoy!

* * *

I awoke to a dark and stormy night, which was rather uncharacteristic all things considered as Gamindustri was rather samey weather-wise. Still, it was dark and stormy, which meant going to Celestia wasn't an option, so IF and I decided to stay in for the evening.

As I walked into the main living room of the Planeptune Basilicom, I was in for a nasty shock. Nepgear was up on a stepladder and decorating, but her outfit had completely changed. Her usual lilac locks were replaced with a blonde head of hair, with a red ribbon on top of her hair that was shaped like a bunny ears. Her dress more resembled a scientist's coat and from the angle I could see her at, I could almost see-

Yup, green striped panties. I mean, if this was some sort of reference, she pulled it off well, at least.

* * *

Cicini swooped down from the orange sky, prepared to pull off her ultimate attack, as she, Vanilla and Chocolate planned for this "Halloween" lark that the residents of Rabi-Ribi Island were sorely unaware of.

This was until a brick smashed her straight on her skull, appearing from nowhere and disappearing just as quickly. Now, Cincini was unharmed by said brick (She had taken hammer hits to the skull from Erina beforehand and was preparing to do so again with this ultimate attack) but she was floored by the sheer momentum of it.

"Agh… Can we get a take two on that desperation move? I think I just got Brick Joke'd!"

* * *

Nepgear noticed my shocked expression after a few moments, taking her time getting down from the stepladder and approaching me.

"Oh hey Koei, what's with that expression? You look like you've seen a ghost or something!" She giggled innocently. Something was _not_ right here.

"Uh, NepG? You look like you forgot your pants… And socks… and your entire lower half of the body. You sure you don't need pants?"

Nepgear looked down at her clothing and looked at me with a confused look. "Well, Neptune told me to wear this as a "Halloween Costume", I think she said?"

Hand met face. That actually makes sense, all things considered. Along with this, the decorations started to make sense, as there were cobwebs, pumpkins and the like hanging around the Basilicom.

I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah… Should have caught on. Nice costume, though!"

Nepgear glowed at the praise. "Goodness, thank you! I wasn't sure about it when big sis talked about dressing up like this, but she's getting her own costume too, apparently. This is kind of fun!"

I sat down on the sofa and contemplated. It seems that Neptune wanted to throw a Halloween get together for whatever reason. I hadn't kept track of time since coming here, but surely it couldn't have been October yet? Oh, whatever. Passage of time is bullshit anyway.

"Guess that means I'll need a costume." I mutter to myself, loud enough for Nepgear to hear, who ran over to me.

"I think sis set you and IF up with costumes already! Go check your bedroom and see for me, won't you? The others will be here soon!"

The others? Oh god, this will be a full on bash. Heading over to my bedroom as instructed, I saw a set of clothes laid out neatly on the bed. A pair of red gloves, a long jacket that would probably hang very close to the ground and strangest of all, a mask like you were at a masquerade, shaped like a beak.

Switching to my suit, I put on the clothing provided before checking myself out in the mirror. This was probably some sort of reference I didn't get, but the getup suited me well. I looked like some sort of thief who disappears into the night like a phantom.

A phantom thief? What a quaint idea.

**(Current Music: Beneath the Mask - Persona 5)**

Strutting out of the bedroom, I showed off my form to Nepgear, after taking the mask off. As nice as it was, it concealed my face a little too well. Good for thievery, bad for other things.

"You look fantastic, Koei! Neptune really picked out an outfit that suits you!" Nepgear's incandescent happiness spread to me, even on this night of spooks on scares, she's still so goddamn cute, even while looking like a slutty scientist.

"Told you, I'm the best at referencing other games!" Neptune piped up, carrying a massive box of pudding in with her. For once, I think it's not just for her as I stare at the gelatinous pile.

After putting it down, I took a better look at her. She'd dyed her hair a generic blonde and her usual outfit was replaced by one that covered far more of her body. She was actually wearing _pants_ (Well, shorts.), along with a red jacket on a black undershirt. On her back was a strange red sword that while it did glow, didn't seem to be a _weapon._

"Checking me out, Koei? I'm really feelin' this outfit, don't you?" She said smugly, her smug aura smugly flowing from her smugness.

"You look like a dude," I stated. "But aside from that it's a pretty good outfit."

"Heck yeah it is, the sword prop even glows! You can thank Nep Jr. for this _awesome_ cosplay! NOW IT'S NEP TIME!" She thrust her prop sword into the air, nearly knocking out a light in the process, but it generally made her look rather badass, despite how silly she was being.

"Well, you said that we wanted to make Koei's first Halloween here special, so I worked hard on that prop… Monado, was it?" Nepgear piped up, on the stepladder tending to decorations. "I think Koei looks rather dapper, though."

"Dapper wouldn't be the right word, but thank you anyway, NepG." I comment, heading to the counter and opening a box up. It was filled with pudding, rather obviously.

"H-hey! Don't mess with my pudding supply!" Neptune ran over and rather suddenly closed the box, before shoving it to one side and opening a second box. It was full of snacky stuff.

"Huh, is this for the party?" I asked the cosplaying CPU, who nodded curtly.

"Be a dear and set out some bowls. Histy's running late, and she was supposed to set out the bowls." Neptune pointed to a variety of bowls all stacked and ready to be served out, so I started opening bags, emptying the contents into bowls and placing them onto a long buffet table that I swore wasn't here earlier. Whatever, semantics. Lot of rooms in this tower, probably some sort of storage closet or whatever.

A few minutes later, various snacks of every kind were set out. Sweet, sour, savoury, crunchy, chewy, crumbly. Neptune had gone all out for this buffet, must have cost a ton of Credits. "Quite a lot of tat you have here, Nep." I turn to the crossdressing CPU, as she was eating pudding. It was sort of impressive to see this work ethic from her.

"Well, wanted to make sure this party went off without a hitch, so I put some effort into my work for once. Is that weird?"

I shrugged. "I mean, it is for _you_, but considering it's not actually related to your usual work, I'm not surprised?"

Neptune stuck out her tongue adorably. "Well, does it matter? I'm doing things that make others happy and if I can do that, then life can't be so bad!"

I was starting to suspect that Neptune was just using this party to slack off, but I let it slide, because after the whole Ultradimension debacle, I needed a break.

"Yeah, fine. I'm sure you sent Histoire out for _unrelated reasons_, so I guess I'll fill in for her." I gave a wink as I emphasised those words to make sure we were on the same level.

Neptune seemed to get my message, as she shot a thumbs up back, before getting back to her pudding.

I wandered to the elevator that served as the entrance to the upper Basilicom. I wasn't intending to go out, but just waited for people to turn up while Neptune and Nepgear did their Neptune and Nepgear things. They seemed to have a handle on things and I wanted to greet any guests who did happen to swing by while they were still busy setting up.

As if on cue, a ding indicated that someone had arrived. Purple and black flowed from the elevator as she walked in, sword in tow. Ebony hair flew in strings, complementing the neon purple and gold of her outfit. Her sword resembled a broadsword and it seemed to have some heft to it. On top of all this she wore a purple butterfly hair clip that seemed to keep her hair as nice as it was, which was a cute touch.

Still, I can't help but feeling I've seen her before…

"Koei, can you stop staring?" Noire's voice broke through the facade that her costume put on. "I know this is probably the best costume you've ever seen, but you staring at me like that is _weird._"

"O-oh!" I averted my eyes for a moment from the tsundere Lastation CPU, not recognizing her initially, but it made sense now. "Hey, your fashion sense got better since the last time we saw each other at least!"

"Despite the cosplay, the sword is very much real, Koei." Noire gave a half lidded look before hefting her broadsword onto her shoulder for emphasis. Thing looked _heavy_ too. "Though your costume looks pretty good too, at least for something that you threw together at the last minute. Needs a mask to complete the look, though."

I put on the mask.

"Yeah, that about works. Must be hard to see out of that mask, though."

"It is." I concur before taking it back off. "As much as it ties together the piece, it's very impractical for a party. Much unlike your costume."

Noire politely giggled. "Oh thank you. I was looking for a sort of high fantasy meets modern fashion look on the Internep and found this. The contacts are a bit uncomfortable, though." Noire pointed to her usually crimson eyes, now purple to suit the rest of her getup.

"Well, go enjoy the party. It won't be for a bit, but Neptune and Nepgear are here, at least and I got the food out."

"Thanks. Are you just acting as a doorman, though? Seems a bit odd considering that you just got back from Ultradimension."

I shrug. "I'm considering tonight a night off after _that_ mess. No point bringing it up any more than I did already."

Noire nodded before marching off towards the buffett I laid out not minutes before. I headed over to the fridge myself and grabbed a beer I had bought earlier on in the day and took a drink of it. Ah, that's the stuff.

Wait, this didn't taste like _booze!_ Looking at the can, it was… _Pumpkin spice?_

"Neptune, what in the fu-"

"Trick or treat!" Neptune sprang up from nowhere, holding a pumpkin carved with her visage. "I replaced your beer with _pumpkin spice! _But it's a trick _and_ treat, because it's still beer!"

I started at the can and back at Neptune. "How long _have_ you been planning this for? Between the elaborate costumes, the decorations and the buffet, it seems like it would have taken you a few days at least?"

Neptune winked. "Ah, the power of off-screen shenanigans, my dear Koei. Don't think about it too hard, protagonist powers are hard to comprehend unless you're a _genius _like me."

I playfully rolled my eyes. "Alright Super Genius Protagonist of Protagonists, simmer down. You know Noire's here, right?" I pointed to the cosplaying Noire, munching on some potato chips.

Neptune tilted her head in confusion. "No, that's Tohka."

Noire, hearing our exchange placed a hand to her face. "Goddammit Neptune, _we talked about this._"

Neptune staggered back, as the illusion shattered and Noire's voice filled her ears. "Dang Noire, you really pulled out the stops on that. I didn't even recognize you!"

Not removing her hand from her face, Noire mumbled incomprehensibly as I grabbed a second beer from the fridge and handed it to her. Might as well get someone else on the road to alcoholism while helping her cope with Neptune… _being Neptune._

"Thanks, Koei." She cracked open the drink and took a large swig. "Mmm, is this pumpkin spice? _Festive!_" I saw her eyes light up for a moment.

"Yeah, it's pretty neat. Neptune's idea, though." I pointed to the CPU, now on yet another pudding. It's pretty difficult _not _to see Neptune when she's munching down on pudding the way she does.

Still, I had to know something. "Hey, Nep. How many people _did_ you invite?" I asked curiously, seeing the large spread that I had set up earlier again and thinking it might be a _little_ much.

"Oh! Well, Blanc and Vert are definitely coming soon, at least. This is the first major event since the treaty, of course they'd have to arrive here. There's you and Iffy, of course, but aside from that, who knows?"

I took a swig of beer. Pretty typical Neptune to organize this entire thing then forget the actual guestlist. "Speaking of, I should check on her, Try not to anger Noire, I don't think she's bluffing about her sword being real."

Before Neptune could make some sort of joke about swords, I went to IF's quarters, beer in hand. While Compa was more than happy to keep housing IF (And I more than agreed with her due to _that_ incident.), Histoire insisted that she at the very least stay at the Basilicom tonight to rest. Though I suppose it works out that she's here for the party as well.

I knocked on the door gently. "Hey, Iffy? You doin' alright in there?" I ask in my most "caring boyfriend" voice I can muster. It wasn't much, but I tried.

"I'd… Rather not answer." Came the somewhat muffled reply from IF. "Can you come on and make sure this costume is on right?"

"You uh… _sure_ about that? I don't want to catch a glimpse of anything-"

"NOT LIKE THAT!" Came a sudden yell, startling me as I leapt backwards. "I just mean make sure it looks good! My room doesn't have a mirror!"

O-oh good. Phew, thinking a bit too lewdly, I think. Looking around to make sure nobody had eyes on the door, I opened it as narrowly as possible before sneaking in and shutting it behind me.

Turning around, I saw IF and… _Damn_. She had completely changed. Gone was her leafy bow, replaced with a penguin-esque cap that somehow split her hair into two somewhat lengthy strands, flowing most of the way down her figure. Her eyes still had that emerald green look that I fell in love with, but what lay below was a completely different jacket blue and white to compliment the hat, along with a white undershirt that had a yellow and blue collar that hung out a bit to act as a sort of scarf. That and a small backpack I couldn't see fully, but the straps where over her shoulders and ended just under her armpits, so it wasn't a very _large_ bag, more like a pouch? Down from there, she was actually wearing a navy skirt that at the very least, went down to her thighs, matching thigh high socks and simple brown shoes instead of her usual knee high boots.

Taking the whole package in, I breathed. This might go awry if I didn't state exactly how she looked. "Yeah I can see why you'd be a tad uncomfortable with that. It is a pretty great outfit… _Despite_ the breeze."

IF blushed at my compliment. "You think it looks good? I guess I can live with the breeze if _you_ like it. That and I don't think Nep would be happy if just stayed in my usual outfit, so I guess I can make this work for tonight." IF grabbed a baseball bat that I didn't notice was on the bed before slinging it over her shoulder. "Yeah. I can make this work."

She felt more comfortable at least, though I'm not sure that it was my pep talk or if it was the whole outfit coming together. Either way, we did walk out of her accommodation to see the others chatting merrily.

IF tugged at me from behind. Turning to her, she leaned into my ear and whispered "Is Gear _supposed_ to be pantless? I can almost see her-"

I nodded before she could finish, leading to a sigh of relief from the middle school looking woman… Actually. "IF, how _old_ are you?" I whispered, trying not to be heard by the rest of the people in the world.

IF snickered to herself. "You're only asking _now?_ Well, you know I'm perfectly legal to drink and I have a job, that should be an indication. Despite my looks, I am in fact a legal adult." IF winked, not answering the question, but I got the message… I think.

It's actually kind of weird that she looks _younger_ than _Neptune_ in that outfit, but I guess that's because it's a school uniform-esque outfit rather than the usual one I was used to. I probably looked a bit younger myself with the edgy teenager clothing, so it all worked out.

Probably.

We head to the three other costumed characters, all idly chattering by. Neptune was the first to notice the now costumed IF. "Wow, is that really Iffy? I can't tell if she is or if a rift opened and we're in a crossover!"

IF's hand met face now. "Why did you even pick this out for me…"

"Meta humor!" Neptune winked at nobody in particular, though I felt a disturbance in the space time continuum as I turned to where she was winking towards. "Aside from that, I thought you'd look super neat in it, and you do! Suits you almost as well as Noire over there!" Neptune pointed to the tsundere in question, who was probably at least halfway through that can of pumpkin spice beer by now. I wasn't far behind, honestly.

"So, aside from drinking excessively in fancy dress, you got _any_ other plans, Nep?" I ask almost dismissively. Honestly though, that didn't sound _too_ bad of an idea, but that might be the pumpkin spice kicking in.

"Well, I didn't really plan beyond costumes, decorations, and buffet. I was hoping this would be enough for us to hang out and relax, you know?" Neptune answers, scratching her chin thoughtfully.

"Yeah, maybe I was overthinking this. Thanks, Nep. It's been a stressful few days, so having some time to kick back is nice. The festivities are also appreciated." I say with some genuine heart in my voice.

Neptune smiled at me. "Spreading happiness is my job, Koei. Whether that is to the people who have faith in me or my friends."

Finishing off a can of pumpkin spice beer and placing it in an empty bin, I proceeded to get another out of the fridge. There was _plenty_ for everyone here, so I had an idea.

Taking another 4 cans, I handed one to each person there aside from myself. "So how's about a toast to friendship? On the count of three?"

Everyone nodded. "One. Two. THRE-"

**(Song End)**

"Everyone! I have dire news!" Histoire rushed in, the only one without a costume for some reason. "A mob has gathered outside the Basilicom with a thirst for knowledge and despite my pleas, I could not get them to calm down. I know this is a big favour to ask of you all, but it seems they won't calm down until they get what they want."

I sighed resentfully. Of course things wouldn't be that easy. This is still Gamindustri. "Sure, whatever. I'm sure whatever they want, we can take care of peacefully. Maybe they'll even appreciate our costumes."

Everyone else murmured in agreement as we headed to the elevator. Well, everyone except Histoire, who seemed too panicked to follow. Poor fairy never gets a break either.

Going down was suspenseful, but it was a fairly short trip, albeit a tad cramped, forcing me to squeeze against IF a bit. Probably a bad idea to go at once, but it was other before it was too uncomfortable.

Getting out, we all made for the front door, but before we could even make it there, it burst open, revealing the mob that Histoire informed us about. They seemed to be normal people at a glance, but their flesh was rotting, their eyes had no pupils and their clothing was torn. Weirdest of all though was their vocal pattern. All they said was "Brains!"

"... I didn't think a thirst for knowledge was _literal_, Histoire." I deadpanned before finishing my second can of pumpkin spice and throwing it by the wayside.

"So uh… Did anyone bring their _weapons_?" Neptune asked the obvious question, bringing out her "blade" as an example. "This is cool and all, but against those guys this might as well be a paperweight."

I tried to access my UI Glo-

**Firmware Update required. Start now?**

I turned to Noire, who had a sheepish grin on her face. "H-hey, don't look at me like that! It was a _vital bug fix._ It should only take a few… Hours…" She snapped back quickly, however. "E-even so, you should have updated, there was a notification and everything."

I shrugged. "Even if I did, I kinda got used to carrying around my stuff again, so Serenity wouldn't have been in my inventory…"

Four palms met four faces as the dead kept shambling, surprisingly slow all things considered. "Plus, you have that sweet-ass broadsword anyway, Noire! You go gettem, tiger!"

Noire shot me a nonplussed look. "I've been training with rapiers for years, you can't throw me into a _zombie infested crowd_ with a sword I can't use effectively! It'd be like expecting you to nail headshots with those pistols of yours!"

Ouch. I turned to Nepgear, who shrugged herself. "I left my Beam Saber in the lab. Too busy working on Neptune's Monado replica."

Goddammit. I turned to IF. "Seriously? You expect me to have my katars on hand when I'm _not_ on a job?"

"You're the only one here with a viable weapon. Unlike _some people_ here, a baseball bat is both _practical and easy to use, _so batter up. Baseball bats are common in zombie movies anyway!"

IF shot me a glare. "No. Do you see that horde? I'd be swarmed in the time it would take for you to realize we could go back up the ele-"

_Ding_

The elevator started to go back up. Without any of us in it. "Speak of the devil and he'll fuck you over. Don't think that would have helped anyway, they're still flooding in." I sighed and pointed to the doors, which still had tens of zombies flowing in.

I saluted to nobody in particular. "Well, it was nice knowing you all." Never thought it would end like this, knee deep in the dead, completely unarmed and drunk on pumpkin spice. The sounds of four other cans cracking echo'd as everyone took their last moments to savour the taste of the beverage.

It was then, as a zombie lunged at me, aiming for my jugular that everything stopped.

_**I art thou. Thou art I. Thou hast acquired a new vow that shalt become the holy flames that shall purge the undead from this world. With the aid of The Wild Card, thou and thy companions shalt adopt the powers of those you wear on this most cursed of nights and shall fade with the coming dawn. Use thou power well, Sociopath…**_

As soon as that last word echoed in my mind, a wave of power and memories swept over me. The memories of a teenager wronged by the corrupt, who rose to become the hero of Tokyo through the power of stealing hearts. The one who would wield the strength of all 22 Major Arcanas.

The one who wielded The Fool.

A burst of blue flame erupted across the room, annihilating the undead present while leaving everything else intact. A few moments of reorientation later, and I felt a weight in my right hand. A dagger now occupied what was once empty, along with feeling a slight weight around my thighs, which were more than likely The WIld Card's pistols.

I'll admit, getting used to _another entire set_ of memories was weird, but everything not related to making use of the dagger and pistols (Rather hilarious, considering my own usual arsenal was not much different.) faded to nothing eventually, leaving me back as Koei, memories and all.

Still, I felt strength within I hadn't felt in a while. It was weird, but it's not even the weirdest thing that has happened today, so I'll take what I can get, especially if it means not being mauled.

Speaking of taking what I could get, I turned to my comrades, who seemed to be in the same boat I was, albeit with a few changes.

Neptune's blade seemed to to have a sharpness it didn't have originally, along with having a strange symbol in the circle close to the hilt.

Nepgear now wielded a dinky ray gun, like you'd see green men use in cliche alien movies, but that seemed to be it, so thankfully she didn't lose _more_ clothes.

Noire seemed to have an _aura_ about her now, along with being able to heft her claymore like it was nothing. That and she had a _fucking claymore_ instead of the more generic broadsword she was using earlier, etches running down the blade, along with a ruby embedded in the handle. Frankly, it made Serenity look puny in comparison.

Finally, IF looked exactly the same as she did before. Not even her bat changed. Wait… Her eyes were now hazel instead of the emerald I was now used to, along with her hair being around the same length as Noire's now. Of course everyone gets a sweet-ass weapon except Iffy, I feel bad now.

Still, this left one question. "What the _utter fuck_ just happened?" I thought aloud, as everyone finally came to.

"Yeah, one moment Koei's about to get his throat ripped out, the next everything's on fire and I'm getting memories about this "Tohka" someone or other." Noire rubbed her head. "And now I have this sword and know how to use it… Just now this "Tohka" evades me. I thought I _was_ her for a moment or two, but no, I'm Noire again."

"What a trip… I don't think I'd be able to explain what happened to me without 100 hours or so to work with. And I don't think I have that sort of time." Neptune hefted her blade on her shoulder. "Got my Monado upgraded to a fully fledged Mechon slaying machine, though!"

"Neptune aside," IF's time to come back to reality. "I remember dying and then thinking I was in a dream, leading a penguin army, or something? All I know is that I think I know how to use this thing now." She placed her hands on the bat, which seemed to resonate with her. "I mean, I could use it like a sword or axe, that'll be good enough… I think."

Everyone turned to Nepgear, who shrugged. "I was doing some research on fairies when a rabbit with a hammer attacked me, that's all I got. Oh and this!" She slammed her foot and two rockets lifted her up into the air. It seems they were fixated to the back of her legs, but ejected to either side of her to maintain balance.

"Uh… Nep Jr.? You're _still_ not wearing pants." Neptune helpfully pointed out, causing an _eep_ before she landed again.

"**WHY DID YOU SUGGEST THIS COSTUME NEPTUNE I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!**"

Neptune rubbed her head in shame. "I think I lost focus by the time I got to your costume, Nep Jr. I had the scientist part down and had a bunny ear ribbon set out, but then I took a pudding break and forgot about it…"

Everyone present murmured something about "typical Neptune", much to the girl's chagrin. "H-hey! I didn't plan for the dead to rise either, but you know, now we have cool powers and get to beat things up!"

"I mean, she's not _wrong._" I agreed, surprising myself along with everyone else. "Maybe it's the booze talking, but this seems like the perfect opportunity to blow off some steam by blowing off some zombie heads!"

"I mean, I guess…" Noire agreed reluctantly, the blade over her shoulder glinting from the lights above.

"That's the spirit, Koei!" Neptune enthusiastically thrust her blade into the air, causing it to glint as well.

"Well, this ray gun _is _rather fascinating." Nepgear's scientific curiosity barely overriding her embarrassment from earlier, along with the cold more than likely as the gun glinted too.

"... To hell with it, if Koei's in, I'm in." IF shrugged, hefting her bat onto her shoulder, the wood glinting… Somehow.

"Then let's send these bastards right back to the graveyard!" I lifted my newly acquired dagger into the air, it gave off a final glint as we all accepted that tonight wasn't going to get _any less weird_.

Walking out of the newly exposed Basilicom, the dead were shuffling around, as you might expect from a typical cliche zombie movie. Or your average Monday.

Among the humans, there were some shorter, fatter ones that all shared the same bowl cut and flannel shirt combo, zombified purple dogoos and even some Bits, leaking oil onto the floor as they floated lazily.

"Well, good thing we got these new powers, we got some work cut out for us…" I pulled out my pistol, moreso resembling a normal one than the modified pair that I was used to and fired a few potshots to catch their attention. To my surprise, one of those shots nailed one of the shorter ones in it's large head, leading it to fade into data rather anticlimactically.

The zombified mobs did not take kindly to their kind being shot at as a group broke off from the horde in order to attack us (Or me more specifically) directly.

"Goddammit Koei…" IF piped up, walking to my side before pulling out- WAIT A BOMB? "I'll just have to clear out this crowd myself! Here's the windup..." She boldly announced, tossing it up into the air, waiting for the perfect time to strike it. "AND HERE'S THE PITCH!"

**SMASH!**

_**KABOOM!**_

The group of zombies I had accidentally aggroed were now gone, replaced by a scorch mark where the bomb exploded.

I stared at IF for a moment. "Believing in yourself is the greatest power of all!" She said, embracing the cheesiness of that line with a thumbs up. "That and high explosives. Come on, we got a lot more undead to clear out of here and there's only so much time."

I nodded in agreement, heading down the street, taking time to slice a few unaware zombies in the jugular for a one hit kill, though if that was due to stealth or them being literally brain dead was up in the air.

Speaking of, Nepgear started using her rocket boots again, starting to rain down high powered plasma death to the crowds below. As long as I didn't look up, I wouldn't be the next victim so I continued to take out zombies one at a time.

Noire and Neptune were behind me, clearing out the other path using their swords, notably having a lot of area of effect with their attacks, allowing them to clear out their side with ease.

Despite my best efforts, I was more adept at single targeted attacks, with both IF and Nepgear being able to clear out several zombies in a few seconds. IF in particular seemed to be really into using her bat like an axe, making mighty swings that launched zombies into walls and into the crowd, dispersing it further. Nepgear's plasma shots were single target, but she fired several at a time and she was able to make sure each one hit their mark… Somehow.

As for me, I stuck to slashing necks with the occasional point blank headshot, unsure of how to fully take advantage of my close range style with mobs who you _don't_ want near you. Everyone else seemed to have things under control, so why was I the only one risking my neck, somewhat literally?

_Ahem._

I look behind me to see a towering spirit, mighty raven black wings sprouting from the tall and thin figure, a mask covering his face and a top hat that was _dapper as fuck_ on the top of his head.

_I am the great gentleman thief, Arsene. You are not my master, but you wield his aura? Very well. My strength is yours._

With that, he disappeared, but I did feel a little stronger. Looking at a nearby zombie who started to charge at me, I cast a simple curse, which while not the strongest thing I've cast, managed to knock it back and stun it for long enough to nail an easy shot, causing it to dissipate.

"I see you're getting the hang of things." IF said from my left, casually spinning before using the momentum to launch another zombie into the air.

I responded by casting another spell, this one being more of a slash than a curse, but as the slash left my body, I felt a little weaker. This was worrying, but seemed normal if my recollection of these powers were accurate.

"So, what's our _goal_ here?" I ask aloud. "I mean carving a line through a zombie horde is great and all, but we probably need some form of goal, right?"

An explosion in the distance alerted us to the possibility of other… survivors, I guess? Honestly all these zombies look the same and fade into data, so they could just be generic monsters festivized for the occasion.

"Speak of the devil and he'll lead you by the nose." IF remarked, slamming her bat into a zombified dogoo, splattering purple goo everywhere. "Gross."

"Maybe don't smash your bat on the sacks of goo." I deadpan, dodging a lazy bat swing from the chunni. "Told you I'd start dodging those!"

IF playfully rolled her eyes. "I let you have that one, Neo. Go tell Nep and Noire over there to help us clear this crowd so we can move up faster."

I nodded, heading away from one crown and into another. "Hey lovebirds, I think we have a lead on some survivors. You wanna help out Iffy?"

Noire jammed her blade into a zombie with a sigh. "Never call us lovebirds again and it's a deal." Before hefting the large claymore onto her shoulder and walking towards the other group of undead being smashed and fried.

"She'll be fine, but can you help keep these guys off of me?" Neptune asked politely, rather uncharacteristically. I complied, firing a few shots into the crowd, successfully nailing a few headshots in the process, the shot zombies instantly turning into data. "Damn Koei, where'd you learn to aim?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. Only problem is that I have limited ammo in these puppies. I miss Peace and Tranquility."

"Infinite ammo is a crutch anyway." Neptune span around, her blade extending with a blue glow that carved several zombies in two. "This Monado on the other hand? This is _fine_." She stroked the blade in an almost lewd manner.

"Don't get too attached, something tells me this is a one night deal." I sighed as I reloaded my pistol. Reloading is weird to me. "Still, I feel like I got ripped off on this. You get a cool sword, Noire becomes a fuckin' Princess with a giant claymore, Nepgear got rocket boots…"

"And Iffy got a baseball bat, dude." Neptune's sword glowed before enveloping us in a yellow light. "Haha! Try and get through my shield, fiends!"

"Do you _know_ how to use that thing, or?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to be enveloped in light randomly.

Neptune rotated her hand in a dismissive manner. "Pfft. it's not _difficult_ to use a legendary artifact sword that can slay gods. I mean, _you_ can use Serenity perfectly fine."

"Blow it out of your ass, Nep." I sigh, stabbing a zombie perhaps a little _too_ hard in the skull, as it's empty skull shattered rather violently before dissipating into data. I was probably being more gung-ho than was necessary, but despite the fact that I couldn't trust Neptune further than I could toss her, I did in fact feel shielded.

"No, blow it out of _your_ ass! MONADO BUSTA!" She yelled triumphantly, slamming the Monado onto the ground, causing it to crack slightly as the beam extended and annihilated a good ten meters of so ahead of her. Hefting the blade back onto her shoulder, her grin was needless to say, shit-eating.

"Did you just no you me followed by dropping by my estimation, a metric fuckton of damage?" I stand back in awe at the other sword wielding hero.

"Protagonist Aura, baby. That and the Monado is _really overpowered_ once you get down to it. If I was designing costumes with _balance_ in mind… Nah I'd still be Shulk."

I rolled my eyes at the girl's insane ramblings, shanking a zombie with my dagger again before turning to the other group, who had cleared quite a bit of ground in front of them. Leaving Neptune to her Neptune things, I headed to the other group.

"How are we doing on finding the source of that explosion?" I asked, prompting Noire to turn around mid zombie massacre.

"Well, we're getting closer, but it seems the explosions are coming from the _air._ Nepgear has seen some flames while up in the sky, so it might be some psychopath with an RPG raining down justice from above." Noire noted rather apathetically. "As long as Nepgear keeps an eye on the jetpack, we _shouldn't_ be blow up by errant rockets."

"Awesome." I say, nonchalance in my voice. "I suppose being blown to pieces would be less painful overall!"

Noire rolled her eyes. "We're not going to _die_. Well, I won't."

"Tha-"

_**KABOOM!**_

An explosion literally right in front of me snapped me out of my sarcasm, the intense light and heat making me think I actually got hit.

After a moment or two to adjust my vision after that and my vision was _mostly_ fine.

"Goddammit, WHY ARE PEOPLE OUT DURING THE APOCALYPSE?" A familiar voice came from above as an armored figure landed. Navy armor covered their entire body, with a wing like jetpack on their back and a blue helmet with an orange visor covering their face. In their hands was a handheld RPG. Yup, this was our rocketman alright.

The figure took their helmet off, revealing that it was of all people, Blanc. "Dammit Vert, I know the helmet completes the costume, but I nearly killed Koei! God these things are impractical!" She complained to nobody in particular.

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" I reply, taking out my impractical mask to prove a point. "Why do people even bother with these?"

"I knew that I should have gotten the Reinhardt costume." Vert's voice came as she floated down. She wore a skintight orange and white suit, with mechanical wings and a halo that made her look like an angel. Along with this, she carried a staff that was emitting a yellow beam right into Blanc's outfit. It was hard to tell in the night, but I think she dyed her hair too.

"You wanted to go as a couple because "Koei and IF would totally show us up if we didn't come as a couple!"" Blanc snarked back, clearly unhappy with her choice of outfit.

"Trouble in paradise, huh?" IF sauntered over to the bickering couple, placing her hand on my shoulder as if staking a claim on me. "Yeah, Nep picked out our outfits for us, but I don't think we would have agreed on a couple's costume anyway."

"Haha, no." I agreed enthusiastically. "Half the time I'm not even sure if Iffy here _likes_ me, let alone going to a party with matching costumes."

"True that. I mean I'm pretty sure we've spent most of our time together insulting each other mercilessly." Iffy continued to comment on our _perfectly normal_ relationship.

"Better than the lovey dovey crap Vert keeps trying to pull on me." Blanc turned around, firing a rocket into the incoming horde of zombies, before turning back and reloading. "I only agreed to this because of the prop rocket launcher. Then suddenly zombies are attacking us as soon as we get out of the subway and we can't go HDD."

Vert sighed, clearly sick of her partner's shit. "That much is true. We also ended up leaving our weapons at home, thought we were going to see the end of our lives, when the horde burst into flames and suddenly we had the powers of our costumes."

Blanc finished reloading with a cocky grin and a cocking of her rocket launcher. "And now I can _blow shit up all night!_"

"Only Blanc would be this excited about imminent violence." I muttered mostly to myself as both newcomers took back off into the air, raining justice down ahead of us instead of nearly killing me.

"Well, that was fun." IF noted, before walking forward and slamming her bat down on a nearby zombie, making its body compact in a rather painful looking fashion before exploding into data. "But now that we've found out that the source of our explosions is far worse than we could have imagined, we need a place to hide out for the night. The Basilicom's a no-go, because the doors have been kicked open and the elevator will bring them straight to us…"

"I assume the subway is overflowing with zombies and it'd be too dangerous to travel by foot to another nation…" I continue.

Neptune walked up to us, putting an arm on each of us. "Ladies, ladies. You're forgetting about the Planepark! You know, that arena that I totally didn't make up just now!"

I took the crossdresser's arm off of me. "First of all, _rude._ Second of all, I have no idea what the fuck a Planepark is, but it sounds like… A shockingly good idea. Lead the way." I stepped backwards to emphasize my point.

Neptune didn't seem to care about my backhanded compliment as she charged forward recklessly, going absolutely fucking nuts on the zombie populace.

"I uh… Is she going to be alright?" I pointed to the whirlwind of zombie limb removal that was the Planeptune CPU.

IF rolled her eyes. "You _live_ with her. How is this unexpected?"

I shrugged. "Fair point."

* * *

The evening continued as Neptune rampaged across her nation, tearing zombies limb from limb with the power of… Backhanded compliments?

"... I'm just saying, I'd totally be a tank, _not_ a DPS. Rocket launchers are cool and all, but they lack the up close carnage that a hammer can dish out, ya know?" Blanc had been on her tirade about her choice of costume for the last 20 minutes or so, as Vert trailed behind, audibly seething as her girlfriend talked shit about her choice in outfit. We had also managed to find a store in the process that sold pumpkin spice beer.

We took this opportunity to continue getting shitfaced, of course.

"I know that feeling. Being head first in the action, taking shots for your team. Better than being a healer. Fuck healers." I stated matter of factly, taking some joy in Vert's continued frustration.

"Eh, medics have their uses." Blanc countered, gesturing with her hand, making the contents of her can shake a bit. "You gotta get healed eventually and health packs can only do so much on a team. In an ideal world you'd just carry your own healing supplies, but then the balance would be tossed out of the window."

"Fine, I guess." The discussion ended as we approached a large dome-like structure, the Planepark. Neptune returned to us ,sweat all down her brow as she took a pudding out of somewhere in her inventory, peeled the top off and slid it in whole.

"Phew. I think I hit a high score with that spree, but I'm _pooped._ Being a protagonist is hard work." Neptune wiped her brow in an exhausted manner before pointing to the dome. "But here we are, the Planepark. Come on, I need to rest."

Neptune being unusually tired aside, we followed her in, navigating the various hallways until we hit the pride of the park, the arena. A massive, multi level hall with thousands of seats and an area in the middle that would host events.

Strangely, there was someone on that rectangle, a very familiar someone.

"Huh? Is that 5pb.?" I ask nobody in particular as I headed towards the stage. I mean my instincts kicked in screaming at me that this was in fact, an awful idea but this was 5pb. What harm could there be in finding out why she was here?

Clambering up onto the main stage, I saw the idol tinkering with an amp, not really aware of what was going on around her. Figuring that I'd probably freak her out if I said hi from behind, I walked around into her field of vision, where she was fiddling with several dials. I gave her a minute to notice me, which she eventually did.

"O-oh! Hey there… Sir?" Right, she didn't know my name.

"Koei Tech, but stick to Koei." I introduce myself, putting out a hand for her to shake. While she hesitated at first, she did eventually shake it herself.

"5pb., but you know that already. Well, that's my stage persona. My real name is Helena!" She told me a care in the world.

The others had caught up to our conversation at this point and 5pb. had frozen up a bit at this point. "W-Wow… That's a lot of friends you have." She muttered nervously. Aww, she's an introvert! Just like me!

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly as I turned to the group of misfits and freaks. And IF. "Yeah, I have friends in high places. You know, the 4 CPUs, the CPU Candidate of Planeptune and my kinda sorta girlfriend, IF."

"Hey." IF waved unenthusiastically.

5pb. wiped her brow. "I'm in good hands, then. You see, I'm kinda _stuck here_."

Huh? "Go on, I'm pretty sure Raging Blade Tornado over there," I pointed to Neptune, scarfing down another pudding. "Wiped out every undead within a 3 mile radius."

5pb. blinked. "Z-Zombies!? This is just like that Calling Duty game Cave plays!" She was shaking at this point. "I only came here to make sure the equipment for tomorrow's concert was fine, along with making sure nobody tried to loot anything, but you're telling me the apocalypse is here?!"

"Nah." Neptune dismissively rolled her hand. "Pretty sure this is a one chapter deal. Could you imagine if this turned into a zombie story halfway through? The readership would riot."

I ignored Neptune as I usually did when she started talking about "chapters" and "readership", this wasn't a fanfiction, dammit! "Ignore her. She's an idiot."

"Seconded." IF raised her hand.

"Thirded." Blanc followed suit.

"Fourthed!" Nepgear raised her hand enthusiastically.

"Jeez, fuck you guys too." Neptune crossed her arms and uncharacteristically dropped an f-bomb. Tonight is a night full of firsts.

_**ROAAAAAAR**_

"Huh, someone skip out on the buffet back in the Basilicom?" I ask nobody in particular, as my question would be answered by a large _thing_ crashing through the roof of the dome, landing near the stage, obscured by dust.

"Guess not." I pulled out my dagger and gun, ready to fight as everyone else followed suit. The dust cleared and…

What the **zombified fucking hell.**

It was a dragon, but the flesh had rotted off on several parts of the body, exposing it's innards and bones, but it was still a goddamn dragon. On top of this, I noticed that one of its eyes was missing. Namely the one I carved out the last time I fought a dragon.

"Oh good." I deadpanned. "The dragon that almost fucking killed me, forced me to push myself past my limits and suffer from mana burnout is back from the dead for vengeance. This is _fantastic._"

"Ahem." IF's voice alerted me to the group of costumed deities and herself standing just behind me, ready to fight. "We're stood right here and ready to send this thing right _back_ to hell, ya know."

I chugged the rest of my pumpkin spice, throwing it at the dracolich, nailing it in the chest. It did not appreciate that as it took in a deep breath before releasing dark flames that scorched the edge of the stage.

"You know, my mother always told me that if you ever fight a dracolich, you fight it with the Dragon Force." 5pb. stated almost worryingly calmly, reaching into her pocket before pulling out a pick. Namely, a pick made from a dragon's scale as she picked up her guitar and tuned it.

A moment of awkward waiting later, she raised her pick filled hand to the sky. "For those about to rock, **I SALUTE YOU!**"

Lightning cracked in the sky before striking the pick, causing it to glow intensely before 5pb. struck the guitar with the pick. Ethereal dragon heads flew out of the guitar right at the dracolich, knocking it backwards as she gained the smuggest grin I've ever seen.

And **that's** when she started playing power metal.

**(Current Music: Troopers Of The Stars - Dragonforce)**

**(A/N: Unfortunately due to Fanfiction dot Net's policy on posting song lyrics, The author cannot have the musical accompaniment he had planned for the finale of this chapter. Instead, please do imagine 5pb. belting out the lyrics while listening to the song yourself. The author apologises for this inconvenience. The fucking hack. - Neptune)**

As she started to play something that should realistically break her fingers, I felt empowered by the metal shredding. That or it could be the pumpkin spice kicking in.

As it recovered, Nepgear, Blanc and Vert took this time to take off into the air for their assault, as a barrage of missiles and plasma rained down onto the hulking beast. Despite how it annihilated zombies earlier, the dracolich seemed entirely unaffected, or at least not flinching.

I uselessly fired a few potshots at the goliath, hope it'd deal some damage. Hope is a strong word here, because 9mm bullets don't really hurt a _fucking zombie dragon._

"Man I am feeling inadequate tonight…" I muttered as IF started pulling out baseballs and attempting to nail at least _one_ into it's undamaged eye for all that would help.

Neptune and Noire just sat on the sidelines, not really doing anything of use, kind of ruining the mood that 5pb. had set up for us. Turning to them with a "What the fuck are you doing" expression, Neptune shrugged. "What, you expect me to take a dragon claw to the face? Unlike you, I actually have common sense."

I flipped her off as I looked at Noire. "Well, I think I can deal some damage with this claymore…" She took a large running lead towards the left shoulder of the dragon, using the moment from her jump to plunge the blade into some of the dragon's remaining flesh, causing it to roar in pain. Thankfully it had no real blood left, otherwise she would be drenched in it by now. The dracolich did not take kindly to the blade, so attempted to pick off the pain that was being caused to it. A few missiles and plasma shots caused it to instead focus on _that_ source of pain, lazily swinging its fleshless claw at the flies, causing them to separate.

"Y'know Koei, it'd be nice if you _tried to do something!_" Noire yelled at me to get off my ass and stop observing random things. I shrugged and had Arsene try to cast a curse ball at it. It bounced off harmlessly.

_It appears that my skill set is not very useful for attacking the undead. My apologies._

Thanks Arsene. Least I have this shank. Hopping off the stage, I jogged over to the distracted dragon and aimed for a fleshy part of it's leg. Not being an expert on dragon biology, I picked a random muscle, prayed to Ifrit and _shoved that motherfucker in hard._

More roars of pain that could barely be heard over the power metal indicated that it worked. Unfortunately, that dagger was now _deep_ inside a dragon's leg with only the handle being visible. I gave it a few tugs, but it seemed to be stuck fast. Guess I didn't need it anyway.

I clambered back onto the stage, Neptune sizing up the dragon like a cameraman looks at a landscape, her tongue was even lazily sticking out.

The dragon was clearly sick of our shit, as I turned around it was breathing even deeper than last time and preparing for a fire blest that would surely kill us all. IF rather ingeniously attempted to jam a bomb into it's inhaling mouth, but the angle wasn't _quite_ right and it bounced off its chin and exploded on the floor, singing it's bony claw and blowing a few toes off, but not doing much aside from that.

As 5pb. Hit a long, lyricless stretch of the song, she started to speak up. "You wanna burn us alive, eh? **THEN BRING IT THE **_**FUCK**_ **ON YOU OVERGROWN LIZARD FA-**"

Her last word was cut off as the dragon unleashed it's attack, spewing black flames onto us… Or it would if she had not perfectly timed her guitar solo, causing an energy shield to appear around the arena, keeping us safe from the dragon's onslaught.

"**THAT'S RIGHT YOU ZOMBIEFIED FUCKER! HEY, YOU GUYS! FINISH IT OFF WHILE I DO THE FINAL CHORUS!" **She yelled, preparing her vocal chords for said final verse.

I'll admit, it was pretty fucking metal. Neptune finally ran up against the edge of the arena, pointing her blade at the flame spewer. "You heard the cussing idol! Get behind me, this might get messy!"

Putting the Monado to her side, it started to glow as usual, but instead of expanding, it kept getting brighter and brighter, the blade sparking dangerously as she charged.

"You wanna threaten **MY **nation? **MY **friends? **MY PUDDING?** Not on this CPU's watch! **NEPTUNE BREAK!**"

Time seemed to slow as Neptune leapt into the air, finally unleashing the Monado's laser blade, it easily being several times larger than the blade or even Neptune herself before slamming into the dragon with a mighty crash, it coinciding with the end of the song, the last note coming out right as the blade sliced through the dragon as the whole world went white.

* * *

Aw fuck, my head. God, what happened last night? Noticing that I was in fact, on the floor and not in a bed, I slowly rose, much to my head's chagrin

The first thing I notice, aside from the fact it was daylight outside is that there was pumpkin spice beer cans. _Everywhere._ If I had to take a rough estimate, there were at least _30_ cans scattered about and that was a _conservitive_ estimate.

Getting up, I tried to disturb as few cans as possible as I wandered over to the side to make a cup of tea. IF was passed out, face down on the sofa, with Neptune being on the beanbag dogoo chair. Nepgear was thankfully not in a compromising position, face down on the floor meaning her panties were covered… For once.

Well, that made four of us. What happened to Noire? Feeling the overwhelming urge to head to the bathroom, I did so and- OH GOD

Quickly shutting the door, I was thankful that Noire still had her panties on despite being face first in the toilet. I can hold it in, I guess.

Heading back to the kettle, I poured myself a cup of normal regular tea, opting to ignore the pumpkin spice flavour. I could still taste that pumpkin from last night and I needed to get it out of my system.

Heading over to the nearby table and clearing off a few cans of pumpkin spice beer, I put my cup down and booted up my UI Gloves after taking off my costume gloves. Yup, I was still in that thief costume from last night, it seemed.

Looking at the articles, it talked about a 5pb. Concert being today (Which hurt a bit to think about, for _some_ reason), boring politcal bullshit (The world's at peace so now people are arguing about which CPU they'd bang? Degenerates.) and…

Oh what the fuck.

* * *

**Pumpkin Spice provides a Trick over Treat as bad batch is shipped.**

The traditional autumn tradition of Leanbox Brew having their special limited run of Pumpkin Spice Brew has been delayed due to news of a spiked batch breaking.

"Uh yeah…" A local brewer said, suspected to be the guy behind the deed. "I had some Green Pasture and was going to do some Super Mushrooms my dealer in Lowee gave me, but I ended up dropping the shrooms into the mixer. I couldn't just throw away that batch, I'd get fired! So I hoped it wasn't strong enough to affect the batch adversely…"

He was fired immediately after this interview. While the current location of the batch is unknown, it is reported to have been pre-purchased already. When we contacted the seller, one Julianne Stingray, she had this to say:

"Huh? Oh that batch of Leanbox Pumpkin Brew? Yeah I imported it from Leanbox as a favour to a regular of mine. She wanted to surprise her boyfriend with it or something. I didn't know it was spiked, I'm just the middlewoman… So you're gonna buy something or what?"

She declined to reveal who exactly bought this batch, but it seems as this is the only one affected. Side effects of Super Mushrooms tend to be high intensity hallucinations and are _not_ recommended to be consumed with alcohol.

Though this point it is probably a bit late to inform people of this. Oh well, blame the bastards at the Gamindustri News Network, they decided to hold this up until now because that's when their contract expired. Could have broken this days ago but nooo, gotta pander to the advertisers. I'm so fucking done with this shit. I'll set up my own paper.

\- Aya Shameimaru

* * *

Well, thanks for nothing, Aya. Hearing murmuring from besides me, IF got up, still looking like a middle schooler.

"God, what the hell happened last night? AND WHY IS THERE SO MUCH PUMPKIN SPICE BEER HOLY SHIT."

I walked over to the sofa and sat next to my darling IF. "So uh… You didn't happen to get that batch of pumpkin spice from Celestia, did you?"

IF rubbed her head. "It was meant to be a secret, but yeah. How did you know?"

"It was drugged with Super Mushrooms and I think we went on a drug trip last night." I explain simply.

IF put a hand to her chin. "Yeah, that sounds about right. Neptune being competent sounds like something that'd only come from a drug trip."

"Ah, so I see at least _two_ of you are awake." Histoire floated over to us, rubbing her temples in a frustrated manner. "You all realise that you didn't even make it to the elevator before you all started muttering things, right? You spent half the evening wandering around, saying things like "zombies" and whatnot. It was very frustrating and embarrassing when Blanc and Vert came."

Huh right, they were in this drug trip last night. "Did _they_ happen to drink any of the pumpkin spice?"

"Thankfully, they didn't do anything so stupid. I explained the situation and they decided to head to Celestia instead. I cannot express how disappointe-"

"Hey!" I cut her off. "I had _no_ idea that the pumpkin spice was drugged, alright? Don't blame me _or_ IF for having a good time last night, because I won't stand for it!"

I was stood up at this point, but Histoire remained at the same height. She blinked. "Super… Mushrooms…"

She processed for a moment, before bowing. "Ah, that explains the phone call I received from Vert earlier. It didn't make sense at the time, but that and the news report confirms that it was in fact, not your fault. My apologies."

I crossed my arms. "Goddamn right, I want to be responsible for my _own_ fuck ups. Now do we have any of that Super Mushroom drugged Pumpkin Spice left? I want to go on another trip."

IF punched me in the leg. "No. You're barred. As soon as the others wake up, we're changing out of these costumes and cleaning up this mess."

I sigh. "Yes Iffy."

She stood up and gave me a hug. "Happy Halloween, Koei."

"Happy Super Mushroom Trip Day to you too, Iffy." I smiled before hugging her back.

* * *

**A/N:** Well that was a trip. Rather literally.

I've honestly had a ton of fun writing this absolute trainwreck of a chapter, being able to write a singular, unconnected narrative has really relit the spark of creativity inside me and I hope to make more chapters like this in the future.

After all, people want KoeIffy, I want KoeIffy and this is the purest form of KoeIffy shenanigans I can get up to without hurting the narrative.

Before I go, here's everyone's costumes:

**Koei - Joker (Persona 5)**

(Side note: Huh, a self-insert who uses a short blade and guns? Nahh, must be a coincidence. (I just really wanted to use Persona 5 music.))

**IF** \- **Fuka Kazamatsuri (Disgaea 4)**

(Side note: I wanted this in particular because as Neptune pointed out, it's a pretty meta joke. Both Fuka and IF share the same English VA, Kate HIggins! (Also she formerly voiced Tails.)

**Neptune - Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles)**

(Side note: Mostly did this because Shulk's pink skin in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate looks kinda like Neptune, so I wanted to do it the other way around. Also Xenoblade memes.)

**Nepgear - Cicini (Rabi-Ribi)**

(Side note: Mostly did this because they're both cute scientist types and I wanted to captialise on the brick joke of Cicini randomly cameoing. She's fine by the way! Bricks to the head are perfectly normal! Also I wanted to reference the Halloween event that inspired this cameo in the first place.)

**Noire - Tohka (Date-A-Live)**

(Side note: Do I have to explain this one? Neptunia and DAL have the same character designer and I referenced this way earlier in the story. Come on, you think I wouldn't let Noire run around in Tohka cosplay?)

**Blanc - Pharah (Overwatch)**

(Side note: As Blanc made very clear, I wanted her to be Reinhardt instead, but decided on Pharah because PHARMERCY! That and there wasn't enough high explosives.)

**Vert - Mercy (Overwatch)**

(Side note: Oh come on, I was already shipping VerBlanc, of course I'd make them wear a couple's costume, just mostly for the joke though. Didn't really take advantage of her being you know, _a healer._)

**USS Helena - 5pb. (Hyperdimension Neptunia)**

(Side note:... Wait a fucking second. Honestly, I just wanted her in for the Autobots, Rock Out! Trope. The Dragonforce song and her being far more aggressive while playing is purely headcanon, as was the giant energy shield. As you might expect, I really like 5pb. And wish her moveset was expanded on.)

But yeah, that's it! Happy Halloween! I hope you enjoyed this special chapter as much as I wrote it!


	26. The Hero (And Neptune) Go To LAN Castle

**A/N:** Oh yeah, this exists. **MAILBAG. **Going by the date they were posted, starting from the day after the "last" chapter was published. Fucking continuity.

**Blaze1212: **That's SWaS in a nutshell. Confusion, alcohol and the author being a fucking hack.

**Ryan4ever2016:** I really wanted Reinhardt, but I think Pharah worked better for the ""story"", what little sense that made. That and almost nobody used a different weapon, meaning the whole bullshit "memory" thing would have been wasted otherwise.

Koei Der Toten is simultaniously my magnum opus and a _fucking mess. _I love it.

**Xbox432: **And this is why I love user reviews, because despite my reading and rereading and careful research, I'm only human and will miss things. So thank you, this will be in fact rectified.

Also **PRAISE TOM. PRAIIIISE.**

**AngelTheDragon1992:** Thank you, and neither could I, that's why it took… _two weeks, fuck._

**YoshiChain:** Aww, thank you! I do have to reread this myself in order to keep what little continuity I have strung together, but I think it's… _Fine._ Maybe.

Anyway, I've delayed long enough, let's see our hero!

* * *

**(Current Music: Home Sweet Home - Rabi-Ribi)**

Hefting a black bag of empty pumpkin spice beer across my shoulder, the cacophony of cans colliding filling my ears as I headed to the bin. Walking out into the Planeptune morning, the chilly air hitting my jacket as I headed for the dumpster.

Opening up the trash storage device, I peeked inside. It was surprisingly clean for you know, _a dumpster._ Tossing the bag with a shrug, I headed back into the Basilicom, the guards not giving a damn about security at this point. Or just recognizing me, one or the other.

Upstairs, IF had changed back to her usual outfit as she was poking Nepgear awake. The less time I have to look at her pantless thighs, the better. Histoire was at the sink, filling a metal bucket with water as I knew where that was going. Sitting down on the now cleared sofa, I audibly sighed.

"Rough night, huh?" IF sat down next to me, now having woken the sleeping Candidate up, shuffling off to her own quarters in order to change back, presumably. Wonder how she'd get her hair back to lilac.

Speaking of lilac…

"WAGH!?" Neptune yelled as freezing cold water splashed over her, soaking her entirely as she leapt out of the beanbag. "What the Nep just happened, why am I dressed as an anime protagonist? **WHY AM I WET?**"

"You drugged out on pumpkin spice and became competent." I answered simply. "We _all_ did. Still, if you want to have a shower or something… Well, I'd wait until Sleeping Tsundy wakes up. Just… Trust me on that." I warned, almost wanting to see what would happen.

Neptune sighed uncharacteristically. "Well, it's a good thing this hair dye is waterproof, otherwise I'd be on cleanup duty in here."

"W-WHAT THE GOODNESS?!" I heard Nepgear yell from across the Basilicom. Oh yeah, I forgot she went to get changed too.

"Well, I think Noire's up now at least." I grabbed the tea I had made earlier before sipping it. "Mmm, that's good caffeine."

Neptune said nothing, but rushed to the bathroom anyway, either to help her sister or try to catch some sick Noire fanservice. I didn't care really, because this tea was damn fine.

"Well, good luck handling Nep." IF patted me on the back. "I got Guild work to do, fell behind finding you in Ultradimension." And with that she left, thanks Iffy.

Looking down, I noticed my own halloween outfit was still on. Swapping out into my Lowee duds this time, I laid down on the sofa, figuring out what the hell I should do today.

Wait a second… Lowee… Ultradimension…

**(Music End)**

**OH FUCK.**

Getting back up, I headed to Histoire. "Hey, Histy?" I hurriedly asked the flying encyclopedia.

"Oh, what seems to be the issue, Koei?" She asked innocently, not realizing how screwed I could have been.

"You get that portal to Ultradimension up and running yet, I juuuust realized that I have some unfinished business there."

Histoire's mouth opened up in a shocked manner. "Ah, yes! Plutia went back when it opened up earlier and according to my other self, it seems it is stable there too, why-"

"ThanksIJustHaveThingsToDoTodaySeeYa!" I grabbed my backpack, untouched since arriving home yesterday and rushed off to the portal…

Wait.

"I uh… Where's the portal?"

Histoire put a tiny hand to her face.

* * *

One trip to the brand new Ultradimension Transportation Rift(Trademark) later, I was back in the smaller Planeptune that I had barely become accustomed to, Still, what a lovely view of a lake this place has, as I stepped out from the rift, shaded by a nearby tree. The grass was a very grassy green as I headed down the path towards the tower shining off in the distance.

Of course, my UI Gloves couldn't connect to the non-existent Lastation servers, so I was stuck with what I had on my back as I wandered. Now that I had a general idea of where the hell I was, it didn't take that long to get to the alternate Basilicom as I headed up the elevator, noting that it wasn't a particularly _new_ technology in my time so it makes sense in this… _Era?_

Whatever.

_Ding_

The sleepy CPU turned to look at me. "Oh, hey Kopey! I wanted to say bye-bye when the portal thingy opened, but you were spaced out, so I just left you to it. Anyway…" She collapsed onto the floor rather suddenly, passing out on the admittedly comfortable looking floor as the younger version of IF came out of hiding and started poking her body.

Yeah I'll just…

"She's been like this all day." An unexpected voice piped out of nowhere. Maybe I should walk _out_ of the elevator. Walking out, there was the Shrine Maiden Blanc, sat on the sofa and holding Compa in her arms like a doll, who seemed to enjoy the attention at least.

"I uh…" I was rather understandably confused, as I just wanted to stop off to say hi to Plutia before making a mad dash to Lowee.

"Noire told me what happened. Or at least, what she knew. She saw a hole in the wall outside her nation, found a lab, pulled a switch and there you two were."

"I also took care of that blackmail for you. **With prejudice.**" I cocked Peace for emphasis.

"Figured as much. After you headed back to your dimension, Noire requested my audience and asked if your "insane ramblings about the blackmail or other" were true. I told her they were true and we went from there. In the time you have been gone, she even introduced me to… Her." Blanc pointed to the curled up CPU on the floor, dreaming happily about things I couldn't repeat in front of minors. Or most _sane_ people.

"So, me rushing over here in a panic because I forgot to tell you that the blackmail was destroyed was entirely unnecessary?" I sighed, knowing the inevitable answer already.

Blanc nodded. "Pretty much, yes. I appreciate you coming to check up on this dimension regardless. I've put you through a lot and it's now time for me to start working towards a brighter future along with the others. Just as I always wanted." Her smile faded a bit. "It is a shame I had to resort to such underhanded tactics before. I really cannot apologise enough. Not just to you, but Noire and these two as well." She lifted her head up again. "I am a changed CPU, Koei. There's no chains on me anymore. The Seven Sages _will_ be exterminated, allowing us to live in peace at last."

I nodded. "Good to hear. Any other business?"

"Yes. Plutia wanted to thank you for looking after IF and Compa while she was gone." I almost interrupted her but she continued. "Yes, Noire looked after them more, but she already has a plush of Noire on the shelf." She pointed to said shelf, which had plushies of Plutia, Noire and now Blanc on there. Cute. "Anyway, she said to give you this as thanks." Putting down the chibi Compa, she walked over to a gift wrapped box, which she gave to me. "Consider it a gift from me as well."

Nodding again, I tore open the wrapping and opened to the box to reveal… Oh my god.

It was Iffy. In plush form. Very small, very cute with that "I'm trying to be cool!" scowl she usually wore. Her jacket felt just like her actual jacket to boot.

The following noises out of my mouth could almost be expressed as the epitome of joy and childlike glee as a high-pitched squee came from my mouth as I cuddled it. Hard. I may have been a little excited to have a matching little Iffy to carry wherever I went, okay? Stop judging. Plushies are cute.

"Heh, somehow I knew you'd react like that." Blanc smiled, sitting back onto the sofa, now with her own plush in her arms. "They're very well designed and I'm shocked at how fast she can make these."

"Probably why she's tired all the time. Too busy making these pushlies of all of us." I looked down at the dozing CPU, drool leaving her mouth. "She's a good kid."

"She is." Blanc agreed. "Would you like a cup of tea? I'm sure Histoire wouldn't mind you staying for a while."

I shook my head. "No, but thank you. I have things to do back home you see. Keep looking after Ultradimension in my stead, won't you?"

Blanc saluted. "That's a CPU's duty. Gamindustri will be safe under my stead."

I smiled, before heading back to the elevator. "Flip off Noire for me when you see her, she'll know who it's from."

I pushed the button and the doors closed before it descended back to the ground floor. I'm sure that Ultradimension will be fine in her hands. And the others, of course.

I mean there's those "Seven Sages" running about or whatever, but they have four CPUs at this point, they can handle most anything. Especially Peashy.

That tyke's gonna carry Planeptune.

* * *

The more places I discover in these versions of Gamindustri, the more fucking backtracking I have to do between home and whatever place I discover. At least Blanc wasn't in Lowee this time. That would have been a trek, as my still aching knee could attest to, starting to act up again after a while of walking through both Planeptunes.

Eventually I made it back to the Basilicom, with the same old guards, same old elevator, same old Neptune in her same old outfit sitting around doing fuck-all.

Then again, she seemed to be slightly less Neptune than usual. Probably her first real hangover, hah.

"So, Nep." I sat down suddenly next to the person I acknowledged as my superior in name only. "Ya got any plans today, or?"

"As much as I'd like to take the day off, Histy will be on my butt if I don't get to doing _something_ soon after last night…" She rubbed her temple. "Ugh, I haven't felt this rough since I fought that dragon all that time ago. Took all of my might just to drive that git off."

"Perhaps you both could simply check on Planeptune's Artifact, the Ring of Continual Progression?" Histoire flew down to meet us eye to eye, helpfully suggesting something that doesn't sound like some epic quest.

"Oh yeah, I know where _that_ is." Neptune got up, alibet with less _zest_ than she usually had. "Come on Koei, let ol' Neppers show you the greatest artifact in Planeptune!"

I nod, getting up and checking my inventory as she rushed off without me into the elevator, closing behind her as it _vrrr'd_ down.

I looked at Histoire, who looked back at me. "At least she's _excited_ to do work?" Histoire shrugged with her little fairy arms.

I shook my head as I double checked my equipment. Healing, check. Serenity, Peace and Tranquility, check. Flask of whiskey, double check. Despite the hangover, having some on hand might be useful for dealing with Neptune on a one-on-one basis.

Ensuring that everything was in place, I headed down the elevator myself. Neptune wasn't there, so I assumed she was outside, but taking a peek outside, she wasn't there either.

"Hey, wait up!" Neptune jogged towards me from another room in the Basilicom, a hand quickly removing itself from her vest pocket as her jacket bounced with her movement, which distracted me somewhat.

"Hey." I wave nonchalantly, ignoring the view I was graciously gifted. "So, we going to see this ring, or not?"

"Of course!" Neptune struck a pose dramatically. "It's just north of here, residing in a place called LAN Castle, a long forgotten relic of an ancient era, guarded by my predecessor, CPU Uranus." She announced boldly.

I'll admit, it was fairly dramatic up until **URANUS**. I coughed to hide my immature snickering, which she seemed to buy. Seemed to anyway.

"Anyway, it'll be quite the journey for you, young adventurer. Are you prepared to face trials and tribulations, alongside the beautiful and insanely competent CPU of Planeptune?" Neptune continued to be dramatic despite my incredulous look.

"Cut the dramatics or your journey will be a solo act, Shakespeare." I state in no uncertain terms, causing her to pout slightly before rolling her eyes playfully.

"Fiiiine. But we're having banter. The readers would get annoyed if you just smash-cut straight to the objective again."

I blinked, not understanding what she meant. As usual. "Uh, sure."

Thus we headed out into the chilly Planeptune morning, glad I put on my Lowee gettup before I headed out. Even with the trip to Ultradimension that ultimately ended up being a waste of time, but confirmation was nice, I guess.

"So…" I try to pipe up during our trek through Planeptune, eyeing Neptune up and down and noticing that she wasn't in the parka she returned from Lowee in when she brought back Serenity. "I see that you're not in your parka, despite the weather being chilly."

Neptune looked down at herself, making note of her small jacket. "Oh yeah, guess I forgot to put that on." She turned back to me. "CPUs don't really _feel_ cold, though. We just wear clothes as a formality."

I blinked. "That explains the lack of pants." We were approaching the edge of Planeptune at this point, the buildings thinning out to reveal a grandiose plain, with what seemed to be a castle off in the distance.

"What, you think we'd be able to use our HDD if we felt the cold?" Neptune replied. "That was one of my first questions too, heh. But yeah, keep that on the down-low. Last person who found out about that wanted me to strip to make sure I wasn't some form of android."

I… "Yeah, I think I've heard enough about CPU biology for now. Why did you store an ancient and powerful ring so far away anyway?"

Neptune looked lost for words. After a moment or two she seemed to remember. "Riiight, so we decided that it'd be safer under Uranus' watch, rather than in the Basilicom because who's going to look in a monster infested ruin for an ancient treasure, right?"

I shrugged. "That was where the CPU Memory was in Ultradimension, to be fair."

Neptune rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh Plutie, always leaving ancient rocks of mystery and wonder in the most random places, heh. How was she, anyway?"

"Passed out on the floor of the Basilicom, sleeping happily. Looked tired, probably was the plush." I took out the Iffy plush I now proudly owned and squeezed her for emphasis, the cozy body comforting me, even as we were apart.

"Looks hella cozy." Neptune complimented, seeming to know Plutia's craft well, despite barely knowing her.

Dead silence between us as I continued to squeeze the smaller, cuddlier version of IF, trekking ever-closer to LAN Castle. It looked to be fairly drab, with beige walls and brown roofs covering the thing. Obviously with it being a castle, it had a moat with a lowered bridge, which is pretty typical castle fare.

"I'm shocked that something like this would be so near Planeptune's border." I mused aloud. "Knowing you it'd be torn down to make some form of pudding factory."

Neptune averted her eyes. "I… Don't know what you're on about. Those rumors remain completely unsubstantiated and it did not take Histy threatening my life to stop that idea." She specifically denied, rather odd.

I blinked. "Right. So shall we?"

Eagerly nodding, Neptune led the way into the open doors of the castle… Wow.

"Welcome to LAN Castle, Koei." Neptune introduced the eponymous location.

"Neptune, it looks like nobody's lived here for at least a century." I stated simply, looking at the entrance.

"Sounds about right." Neptune shrugged back.

**(Current Music: History of Collapse - Re;Birth 2)**

Needless to say this place fell to shit. It less resembled a castle and more a ruin. The walls were covered with mould, with the various pottery scattered around being in various states of shattered. The rug in front of me looked like it had never been washed with generations of dirt trodden into it. Despite being perfect daylight outside, the windows were stained enough to give an eerie orange glow to everything. The plants gradually invading through said windows did not help matters. Up in the shockingly high ceilings was very poorly lit, but I could see _something_ up there. I looked to Neptune, who had a similar look of worry. We silently agreed to head further in.

Taking Serenity out to keep it close by as we wandered, the sounds of tapping shoes were the only sound to be heard as we explored the abandoned castle. "So, do you know _why_ this place was built in the first place?" I asked the resident CPU, who had her own blade by her side.

"I… Don't know." She answered simply. "All I know about this place is what the rumors say. Ancient ruin watched over by the spirit of Uranus. If I knew this place was such a dump I would have tried to clean it up or something…"

Rustling came from behind us. Turning around, a giant dark tarantula crawled down from the wall, the fur being as dark as the night and the purple hide indicating it was not to be fucked with.

"Do you know how to impale a spider on a sword?" I asked Neptune, nerves in my voice as we prepared to fight.

"Well, generally stabbing them is a good idea." She quipped before charging forward, performing a front flip, slicing the arachnid in half while upside down. Needless to say it was overly stylish and I _tried_ my best to distract myself from the view I got from the flip. Fancy footwork aside, Neptune's underwear matched her socks and I could feel IF's hatred from here. People really need to learn about _pants_.

"Phew, that was overly flashy, huh?" Neptune winked at me for no particular reason. I think she pulled what she did for as the kids say, "fanservice".

Either way, I wasn't appreciative of the panty glance, as indicated by me shooting at Neptune. "Gah! What the heck, Kopey? You nearly shaved off my ruggish looks."

"There was a spider behind you." I lied through my teeth. "Faded into data. Also call me Kopey again and the next shot is going for your head."

Neptune pouted. "Aww, but Kopey is so cu-"

I cocked Peace for emphasis.

"Fine. I mean, I could ignore you anyway, I am Histoire's boss, which makes me your boss' boss." She puffed out her chest smugly.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh sure, _now_ you pull rank on me. Honestly, I think I'd listen to NepG before you."

Neptune feigned hurt. "Oh Koei! How you wound me so…"

I ignored her as I trudged deeper into the castle. Despite the fact it _fell to complete shit_, it was still rather picturesque. Could use a touch up here or there… As in the whole place probably needed a good dusting. Considering how _big_ this place is, it would be a difficult task, to say the least. I think I'd just rent out an apartment to live in instead of sorting this hellhole out.

Turning down one of the halls, I saw something that made my blood freeze. Thick muscles covered in scales ran up the beast's thighs, with the torso being similarly well-built. Along with this, two pairs of meat tearing claws glinted with malicious intent, as I was thankful that I couldn't see the face of this predator. Hopefully he didn't see mine as I stepped back, supporting myself on Neptune's shoulder as I suddenly felt weak.

"... Let's take a different route." I said with no emotion, not wanting to engage with it if possible.

Neptune took one look at my face, nodded solemly and started to trek back, her arm over my shoulder as we walked back. Thankfully the castle seemed to have a few corridors that we hadn't explored yet, so going through one of those new rooms could lead to better results as I regained my resolve and got off of her soft shoulder.

"Sorry 'bout that." I rubbed my head. "Didn't think there'd be a dragon hanging out in these ruins. Seems I'm not ready to face one again."

Neptune said nothing as we continued on ,thankfully finding a set of stairs that led down, which meant we were unlikely to run into the overgrown lizard again.

"Heh, forgot where the ring was stored anyway." Neptune spoke up with some embarrassment. "Histoire told me to move it after a near-miss we had involving some petty thief who managed to get through everything."

Sounded like Linda. I hadn't seen her since the poundcakes incident and was sort of glad for it. She was a pain to deal with, but I did miss the simplicity of those days. In a sense she even helped bring about the treaty, which is pretty neat when I thought about it.

"So it should be down here?" I ask as we walked through the damp tunnels of the underground section, hearing the scuttling of spiders above us again made me uneasy as we pushed on regardless.

Neptune remained silent, though the worry on her face said more than enough about the dawdling we were doing. Or maybe she was afraid from my little weak spell before. It was hard to tell in the relative darkness. Eventually, we reached a large wooden door covered in moss. Despite how damp the door was, it seemed to hold together well as I pushed down on the fancy metallic handle, rusted by age and hefted the heavy door open.

It led to a well lit room, at least. With Neptune closing the door behind us, we walked in further. It was far larger than any other of the rooms and had several statues placed around the circular room, almost serving as a…

"Welcome to the Planeptomb." Neptune stated solemnly again, seeming to lack her usual energy. "This is where the the previous Planeptune CPUs are remembered after their passing."

I looked around and saw several different past CPUs that I never saw before, all with varying designs in costume and height. Due to them all being gray stone however, I couldn't distinguish any notable features that set them apart, aside from the plaques.

"Here lies Uranus, taken by a lack of faith." I read the eponymous CPU's plaque, wanting to snark about that description, but this was a place of rest so it didn't feel right. Walking to the left, I saw a blanked out plaque, as if someone had scrubbed the engravings right off, which was odd. Looking up, the statue showed a girl with spiraling hair on both sides of her head, along with a shield on her left arm and a strange device that looked like a portable console on her right. Aside from a lack of pants (Though she could have been wearing stockings, I couldn't tell), the only other defining feature was an oddly familiar cap adorning her head, along with two bunny-ear like protrusions. I didn't think too much of it, coincidences are pretty easy to shrug off. Walking to the left, I saw more statues. Thirteetwo Hex, Mega CeeDee, Plutia, Mastah Syst-

"Plutia!?" I walked back to the previous statue and sure enough, there was Iris Heart, stood in her intimidating statue glory. Considering she was at least twice the size of her usual height and had that sensual glare to her, I took time to step away from the big, scary woman. Statue or not, that shit was scary.

"Huh." Neptune noted, some positivity back in her voice. "You know, now that you point it out, I guess there was a Sadie as one of my predecessors. That's both fascinating _and_ terrifying."

On that note, I headed back to the statue of Uranus. Not just because it was the final statue, but because I felt something when I stood in front of it before. As I stood in front of it, I felt a presence.

"_Ah, there you are._" A mature, dignified voice spoke up, shocking me slightly. "_Do not be alarmed, my spirit remains here in order to protect LAN Castle._"

"Some protection." I snarked, remembering the giant fucking dragon lurking within.

"_There is only so much protection I can provide as a spirit."_ She admitted with some embarrassment. "_However, I did guard the Planeptunian artifact for many years until recently…"_

"Until recently?"

"_Yes, for you see-_"

"Just petty theft, eheh!" Neptune interrupted unconvincingly as I stared at her incredulously. Thinking back, _why_ was she exploring the Basilicom when she was supposed to be waiting for me? _When_ was the ring supposedly stolen? Did they have a lead on it?

In that moment, the penny dropped.

"Neptune… You _have_ the ring, don't you?"

Neptune's blood froze, eyes locked on me. "N-no?" She spoke, lies emanating from her lips as she nervously attempted to weasel her way out of this situation.

Sighing internally, I reached into her pocket and felt cool metal. Pulling it out to the shock of the CPU, I inspected it. It was indeed a ring, made of platinum or silver, shining brightly from reflected light, an amethyst embedded within and the word "Progression" carved into the metal, much akin to Serenity.

This was all I could analyse before Neptune snatched the ring from me. "Hands off! I lied, alright?" Neptune sighed to herself before inspecting the ring. "You were right about the ring being safer in the Basilicom, it's where it was stored before I took it this morning."

I blinked. "But why?"

Neptune started to lightly toss the ring in her hand. "Well, it'd be fairly boring if we just saw the ring in the Basilicom, plus I wanted to visit LAN Castle to check up on Uranus." She explained, not breaking eye contact. "That and as the CPU of Planeptune…" She stopped tossing the ring as she put it on her right ring finger. "I feel that I should test you to see if you are _worthy_ of Progression."

She lifted her katana above her head as a purple bolt of lightning struck the metal blade, charging it with energy. "Let's rock."

* * *

**HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER!**

**Koei**

**Vs. **

**Stormbreaker Neptune**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

* * *

**(Current Music: Sudden Death - Rabi-Ribi)**

Of course Neptune would want to fight me. I didn't want to, but here I am. Dodging her first katana slash, I noticed that her blade was in fact, crackling with energy. Neat trick, but it also meant that blade to blade combat could get messy, as I pulled out Peace and fired a few shots at the slash-happy goddess, impacting her in the chest but not leaving any visible damage. Something about setting them to stun, I guess.

"Aw come on Koei, I'm not even using HDD, put the gun away." Neptune attempted to reason with me and it worked for some ungodly reason as I put Peace away.

"Attacking the girl with an electric sword with my own sword, this seems reasonable." I mutter to myself before Neptune span around quickly, forcing me to put up Serenity in defense to avoid my rugged looks for gaining a gnarly scar. To my surprise, I wasn't shocked when the blades collided. Several more slashes and blocks later, I was completely unphased by the lightning imbued blade.

Neptune gained a grin. "More like it. A fair duel between two swordsmen." Which was right, I guess. Going on the offensive, I attempted to strike Neptune several times with little success, as the tyke was agile enough to dodge each slash without much issue, retaliating with a lightning infused strike that blew me backwards from the sheer force. Even without HDD, Neptune was a formidable foe, especially when equipped with Progression.

"You fight well, Neptune." I noted, spinning Serenity in my hand. I realize that in a sense, this is a duel between Lowee and Planeptune, with the artifacts being pitted against each other. "But this can't last forever."

Neptune nodded. "I agree, this fight could get played out very quickly. So I shall deal the final blow! **VICTORY SLASH!"** She braced herself before pushing herself forward, somehow phasing _through_ me while slashing twice. After a moment, she snapped her fingers and I suddenly felt pain in my chest as I fell over. Whatever she did, it was fancy and it _hurt like hell_.

Recoiling in sheer agony, I could barely see Neptune's shoes as she bent down. "Did I go too far?"

Shaking my head, I slowly felt _something_ building up inside of me, and it wasn't gas. This feeling kept increasing as I slowly but surely got back up, the pain adding to my rage as I struggled to keep balance. At the same time however, this strength almost forced me to stand.

This fire in my veins…

It felt like I had been in a coma since coming to Gamindustri, so in a sense…

**I had Awoken.**

**(Koei's Theme - No Pain No Game - Btooom!) (Either the EileMonty or AmaLee versions work.)**

Neptune's grin could split her face in two, despite the imminent pain coming her way. "I see that I've pushed you to Awaken." Neptune pointed her katana at me. "Now, show me your new power!"

Complying, I used my newfound strength to launch myself into the air with an Airbolt, before surprising Neptune with a slash to the back, which rather funnily did not damage her clothing. Not taking kindly, Neptune span around and slashed back, but I blocked the blade, causing some recoil as the strike had a lot of force behind it. It seemed that Neptune was holding back her true strength. _Was._ Now it seemed that Neptune was fully intending on carving me a new face hole, but in the most friendly way possible.

Of course, I wasn't going to take it lying down, as she charged, dodging several electric slashes before responding in kind with a spin followed by a powerful slash aimed right at her blade, charging mana into the blade itself from my gloves as pain surged through my chest. I probably overdid it with the charging, but I wanted to end this.

The clashing of steel indicated that I hit my intended target, but despite the force behind my strike, Neptune stood firm and silent, matching my strength exactly, but it almost felt like she was still holding back as I forced myself to step back before the CPU could overpower me. Credit where credit's due, when Neptune gets serious, she fights _hard_. We stared each other down for a moment, preparing for the next strike.

Of course, the adrenaline was still burning in my veins, so this didn't last long as I took aim at Neptune with Serenity and fired several shots of Frostblast. Yes, _several_. It seemed that this Awakened form had some form of multi-spell shot, though I did feel some pain post-cast, so maybe I should only use it in dire circumstances. Does this count as dire?

I quickly dodged a slash that Neptune threw at me while contemplating, which was my own fault admittedly. Not one to be caught out twice, I fired another Frostblast as I flew back, looking behind me to make sure I didn't hit a statue. Turning back, Neptune was caught off guard and as such, one of her legs was now frozen to the ground. Ah, I love Serenity.

Preparing for one final strike, I rushed towards Neptune, who was still trying to get her trapped leg out of the frozen prison before seeing the glint of Serenity. But it was too late as my blade swung towards her torso… I realized what I was doing and let go of Serenity before the blade could reach anywhere close to her chest, causing the blade to fly to the other side of the room.

**(End Music)**

With the clattering of Serenity, I felt my adrenaline fade as I returned to my usual mood. Whatever that Awakened mode did was powerful, but I did feel pretty tired afterwards, if my lethargic stroll to my blade was any indication. A quick inspection showed that whoever reforged Serenity went all out, as it barely looked changed. Oh right, Neptune. I fired a Flameall at Neptune's leg, the lower power of the move hopefully not singing her.

As the ice melted, I noted that the ice simply faded away rather than melting. Her leg now free, Neptune gave it a hefty shake for good measure, before turning to look at me. Saying nothing, Neptune too the chance to dust herself off and unequip Progression.

"I'm shocked, honestly." Neptune stated. "Not that I was in any _real_ danger, but the fact that you managed to pull out a win with only Serenity."

I shrugged. "Blind luck and that Awakened mode are what caused me to "win", I doubt Serenity would have done any lasting damage. At least, I _doubt._"

Neptune proceeded to put her arm on my back. "Well, I could have gone HDD at any point if I was truly in danger of getting hit. This was just meant to be a tutorial battle."

I blinked. Right, she could do that, even despite the self-imposed rules. Thinking back to her Victory Slash made me uneasy, however. "You know that Victory Slash _hurt_, right?"

Neptune started to walk out the chamber as I followed suit. "Well yes, but I needed some way to trigger your Protagonist Aura in a contained environment. If it makes you feel any better, I put _way_ less power into it, but Progression would have still made it hurt, because nerves and electricity and-"

I put my hand up to stop her. "You're sounding _too_ smart Neptune, what's up?" We were slowly heading back out, hitting the staircase that led back to the surface,

"Rude." Neptune quipped back, before putting her arms to the back of her head. "People give me hell for my "lazy" personality, but I have a good head on my shoulders when I want to. I just don't want to be serious _all_ the time, ya know? I'm a CPU sure, but all work and no play makes Nep-Nep a genocidal maniac."

I stayed silent in regards to that, wondering if it was a reference to previous events in Planeptune or something she fabricated entirely. "Regardless, Planeptune has always been the safest Nation." Neptune pondered aloud. "We have reasonable weather, advanced technology that isn't polluting the air and a geographical location that allows us to keep trade at a reasonable price, all things one of my rivals lack." She turned to me, one eye closed. "The Pissty lectures started to sink in after a while and it made me realize that we're pretty set in terms of Shares."

I blinked multiple times, as I had no response to that well-constructed and probably _entirely bullshit_ argument. "That and between Nep Jr., Histy and now you, I can afford to slack off as much as I do,"

Now that I could argue. "Shouldn't you be more proactive when it comes to your people? Hell, isn't Purple Sister _still_ a rumor?"

Neptune's face froze for a moment, processing the fact that I just remembered that her younger sister had a hott- cute- _a CPU_ form. "Oh yeah. I should probably get on that before the next arc starts and the world goes to shit. _Again. _See if Histy can't do something for me when we get back."

That was more like the Neptune I knew. I smiled as we exited LAN Castle, back into the Planeptune daytime.


	27. Chunni Questing and Lowee Resting

**Author's Note: **A bit of a different style to spice things up. Speaking of spice, **FANMAIL!**

**AngelTheDragon1992: **Aw, thank you!

**Guest:** _My precious ringu…_

**Xbox432:** I think Koei and Nepu have a budding hate filled friendship on the horizon. I'd ship them, but Neptune's a _loli._ Also Ploot is adorable, I'm planning on a sequel/spinoff focusing on her.

**BrokenLifeCycle:** Fun fact: That lowkey rant about Planeptune? I entirely made it up. That nation is probably fucked and it's all Neptune's fault.

**TheHandsomeDevil066:** Oh you sweet summer child, you have _no_ idea… Until you read this, then you have an idea.

Also, **THIS SHIT HIT 100 FOLLOWS HOLY FUCKING HELL I'M SO HAPPY THANK YOU ALL YOU BEATUIFUL BASTARDS**

_AHEM_

Yeah that's pretty neat. Totally didn't make my day or anything. _Tsundere noises_

Right, on with the chapter!

* * *

Walking out of LAN Castle, the sun hit our faces, causing me to blink a few times as my eyes readjusted to the light. Still, we were out.

"Wonder what Iffy's up to with that Guild thing she mentioned?…" I ponder aloud, taking the plush out and giving it a quick squeeze before plopping it on top of my head. It held rather adorably, as we continued on.

I'm sure it was nothing special.

* * *

"Well, good luck handling Nep." I patted Koei's back in a caring manner. "I got Guild work to do, fell behind looking for you in Ultradimension." With my explanation out of the way, I left via elevator, Koei staring at me incredulously as I left.

Grabbing a phone from my jacket, I walked out of the Basilicom, calling up the Planeptune branch of the Guild. Someone picked up on the other end.

"Ah, IF. The Guildmaster's voice came from the other end. "What's up?"

"Just need some work to get me out and about for a few hours. Knowing Neptune, she'd end up dragging me and Koei on some inane quest or other if I didn't." I explained truthfully. Over the months I've known her, it's clear that she'd do anything to avoid her job if possible and I didn't want to get into that after the last few days.

"Hmm, well I could line up a job for you. You're coming to the Guild in person, or?"

"I could do with the walk." I replied, jacket blowing in the wind. Kinda chilly today. Good thing I had my jacket on.

"Excellent. See you there!" The call went dead as I stuffed the phone back where it belonged as I took the usual route to the Guild, whistling a nondescript tune as I wondered what Quest the guildmaster would set me up with. Something easy, hopefully.

Arriving at the Guild, I wandered straight to the desk where the Guildmaster was waiting. "Ahh, IF. My favourite regular!" She greeted warmly, pushing an envelope through the counter. "One Quest, as you asked. Kinda glad you came around, people don't want to take this."

"Huh, I wonder why." I muttered as I opened the envelope containing the quest. Reading it and rereading it, I had to take a moment to look it over again before looking right at the Guildmaster. "I see why people thought this was a joke. A Eggpaladin?"

The Guildmaster nodded. "With a lance and everything. Apparently it managed to tame a Horsebird and has been ravaging Powerlevel Island as of late. Don't ask why there in particular, I'm still trying to figure out how it found a knight's helmet as well.

"What in the actual fu-"

"I SAID DON'T QUESTION IT." The Guildmaster rubbed her temples. "Apologies. I just want this Quest over with. As own of the best agents, I know you of all people can deal with this knight."

"_Hark!_ Do mine own ears devieceth me?" An unknown and _very_ distinct voice piped from, interrupting the dialogue we were having. Stepping into the Guild, a scantily clad knight made herself known. WIth a crown floating just above her skull and piercing crimson red eyes, she certainly looked the part. "Didst I just heareth of a rogue knight?" She pulled out her blade from a scabbard, designed very similarly to her outfit. "I shall slayeth those folk, for the round table!"

I gave her a half-lidded stare. "Cut the dramatics, Shakespeare. If you really want, you can come with, but I recommend toning down the dialect."

The newcomer rolled her eyes at me. "Fine, fine. By the Round Table, why does nobody appreciate culture here in Gamindustri?"

"Milady, it may be because you put it on as they say… _too strongly_." A tiny fairy similar to Histoire floated next to her, possibly serving as her companion.

"Fo'shizzle." The knight muttered, putting a hand to her face. "Well, I suppose I could drop it just for this quest, if you so wish." She spoke perfectly normal English, which was nice for a change.

"It's agreed then. Alright, come on then." I motioned for the knight to follow me out of the Guild, as her fairy companion floated alongside her. "I'm IF, by the way."

"IF? I like it, but it needs more pizazz." The knight offered. "How about Lady Iffy?"

"Iffy is fine, I guess." I didn't like this stranger calling me that, but if she was more comfortable with it, I suppose I couldn't stop her.

"I'm **Million Arthur!** Part of the Knights of the Round Table. You can stick to Milli if you want." She announced before winking at me. Was she trying to... Nah.

"And I'm uh, Cheekama. Her companion." The blue fairy introduced herself curtly.

"I'll stick to Arthur, thanks."

"Alas, my hearteth hath been stabbed with a thousand burning knives. How cruel, how needlessly needlessly cruel!" She melodramatically feigned hurt as I rolled my eyes and continued down to the southern part of Planeptune. While the center and northern aspects were more commercialized, the southern part served as more a residential district. Hell, I saw Compa's apartment complex as we walked. I don't think I saw her in the window, though. A shame to be sure, but I can always go see her afterwards.

"So… Lady Iffy." Million Arthur spoke up. "Did you know you have _very_ nice hair?"

I stared at her incredulously. "Thanks?" I didn't know exactly what her game was, but we continued on out of Planeptune. Powerlevel Beach was still quite a ways away, so…

"So, where'd you come from? That accent of yours isn't something I've heard in Gamindustri before, no offense." I made small talk with the crimson knight.

Arthur didn't seem to mind my rather blunt line of questioning. "Ah, it's quite alright. Most don't know of the small island nation of Britain. Unlike Gamindustri, we're just an island floating off in the sea. Don't really do treaties and whatnot." She explained, almost seeming proud of her isolationist homeland.

"Fair enough. Not a lot of people travel in or out of Gamindustri, so I was just curious." Which I was. I'd never seen a girl clad herself in armor like some sort of fantastical knight before. "Why _are_ you here anyway? Not to sound rude, or anything."

"Oh you know, gathering allies in order to be seen as the King of Britain. There's one million Arthurs all competing and I figured I'd have an advantage if I trained here." She explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I have many questions. The most obvious of which is, wouldn't that make you the _Queen_ if you got seen as the rightful heir to the throne?"

Arthur stopped suddenly before bursting out into laughter. "Of _course not!_ The last Queen we had was a tyrannical dictator who killed thousands! That's why anyone who is seen as rightful heir is declared King, regardless of gender. It makes family trees complicated, but that's better than genocide."

I blinked for a moment or two. Her flagrant attitude towards such a dark subject reminded me of Koei in a sense. A genderbent Koei…

A sudden blush fell over me as I realized how cute he'd be as a girl before quickly taking my mind out of the gutter. I had that _one_ experience when Compa was in medical school, but I'm straight, dammit!

"My, my. Does the subject of genocide awaken you?" Arthur suddenly stroked my chin in a sensual manner, before leaning back, supporting herself on her sword. "If so, I have a _lot_ of tales about the great battles from my ancestors, starting with Sab-"

"No! No! I was thinking of someon- _thing _else! L-let's get a move on, you said you wanted that Eggpaladin dead for the Knights of the Round Table or something?" I quickly changed the subject.

"Ah, of course! My apologies, comrade! COME! LET US MAKE HASTE!" She announced boldly, charging down the path, her fairy companion sighing before floating up to me.

"I'd ignore her… _advances._ She goes on about the Knights of the Round and becoming the _true King of Britain…_ She's got a _thing_ for girls she finds cute." Cheekama explained, as if this wasn't the first or even tenth time she's had to talk about this.

"O-oh." I realized that she was flirting with me. Rather unsubtly come to think of it. "Should I _tell_ her I'm taken, or?"

The fairy shook her head. "Just ignore her and she'll realize eventually… Hopefully." She sighed, putting a small fairy hand to her forehead, much like the other fairy in my life. "Trying to reject her just makes things worse, she won't take "I'm straight" or "I'm seeing somebody" as an answer and will just try it on even harder if you do."

Huh. "I'll be wary then, Thanks." I ended the conversation before Arthur could get too far away and start flirting with anything remotely female.

* * *

Catching up to the scantily clad knight, she was already on Powerlevel Island, rather egotistically being shaped in a giant N for Neptune. Back before this place became a hotspot for monsters, Compa and I went here for a day off. The sun beating down on me, Compa's soft hands rubbing suncream on me and me doing likewise on her supple, peachy skin…

I shook my head. Days gone by aside, I should help out Arthur before I get more thoughts that would make Koei blush. Charging into battle, I slashed at a small wolf with my handheld blades before it disappeared into data. Short, simple and sweet. Scanning the area, I couldn't see any eggplants riding horsebirds, despite the flat plains of Powerlevel Island. Still, this gave me the chance to sharpen my skills without Koei around.

"Haha! Another foe falls to the might of **MILLION ARTHUR!**" She announced proudly, raising her blade to the sky as the sun reflected off of it and honestly, was kind of cool.

Not that I'd admit it, Goddesses forbid I encourage her… Flirting. Still, I had more important things to worry about as sentient watermelons started to flank us. Disengaging from her dramatic victory pose, Arthur flung herself back into the fray, slicing and dicing melon like she was a chef at a packed smoothie restaurant.

Noticing the sentient fruit starting to target her in particular, I jumped backwards with a "**DEMON FLAME!**" the spell hitting the ground, igniting all who stood within it. Soon enough, the watermelons overheated and exploded rather violently, sending flaming watermelon carcass across the island. For her part, Arthur just looked at me and shot a thumbs up, before quickly having to dodge out of the way of freshy flaming fruit.

In hindsight, not my best decision. Still, that took care of them, as I struck my best victory pose. "Fall into darkness!" I said menacingly, a piece of watermelon almost breaking my composure as it landed next to me with a _plop._

Of course, this wouldn't be Powerlevel Island if it wasn't infested with monsters, as a regiment of Sergeant Froggies started to march towards us. Arthur prepared her blade, as I prepared mine.

Due to being low to the ground, their helmets protecting them from most of the slashes we could pull off. Stepping back, I waited for one of the frogs to leap at me before slicing at the exposed underbelly, instantly making the amphibian split into two before disappearing into data. After repeating the process several more times, the wave of frogs was dissected, just like how Compa described it in medical school.

Medical school gave her a _lot_ of bad memories, in hindsight.

"Well, it appears that those beasts have been vanquished in the name of the Round Table." Arthur was wiping guts off of her armor, though whether that was watermelon or something more grisly was difficult to tell. "Verily executed, my ally of justice."

She was slipping back into her weird accent, but I ignored that in favour for continuing to look for this Eggpaladin. Pun aside, it was proving to be a pain to locate.

The fluttering of wings behind me, as if on cue alerted me to something as I quickly jumped to the side, a flash of silver barely missing my body as a horsebird and a purple blur charged recklessly across the island, coincidentally impaling a frog on the lance that served as its weapon.

"I… What in the actual bloody hell?" Arthur questioned as she turned to me. "Is that a fucking eggplant riding a horse bird hybrid?" Her accent went from one of a typical knight to more along the lines of what Koei's usual tone was. It was a nice change of pace, at least.

"Yup. This is our target. Prepare yourself, it looks dangerous." I replied, my blades glinting in the light as the being turned around, preparing for another charge.

Arthur braced herself, her blade glinting as it slowly started to glow. As the horsebird charged once more, Arthur raised her blade. "By the power of Excalibur, evil shall be slain! **BRAVE SHINE!**"

As she called out her attack, the sword became engulfed in a blinding light, forcing me to look away for a moment. When I turned back, eyes adjusting to normal light levels, I saw the horsebird and eggplant stunned, with Arthur herself resting on her knee after her attack. Her crimson eyes shifted towards the duo, which tipped me off.

Taking a leap into the air, my hands became beams of light as I rained down needles empowered with the light magic of La Delphinus, one of the great heroes of Gamindustri. Calling out their name, their magic impaled the sinful beats below me, causing massive damage as I dived down, slicing one time to finish the pair off, as the scream of the eggplant filled my ears rather spectacularly as both faded into data. With a more flourishy flourish, I smugly turned to where their bodies used to be. "Well that takes care of that." I dusted my hands off as Arthur got back up, slightly dazed but none the worse for wear.

"By Saber's thighs, Brave Shine takes so much out of you…" She muttered, possibly trying to keep to herself, but barely bothered to keep the volume down so I heard it clearly. She forced herself back up using her sword as a crutch, before standing on two legs again, albeit poorly.

"Dearie me Milli…" Cheekama spoke up, floating from nowhere. "Did you forget your SP Chargers again?" She put a tiny fairy palm to her face, sighing audibly.

Rolling my eyes, I pulled out an SP Charger out of my pocket and gave it to the hapless knight, who chugged it gratefully. "I thank you, squire. I apologise for my lack of preparedness on this Quest."

I waved it off like it wasn't anything serious. "Don't worry 'bout it. I keep healing gear on me at all times. Can never go wrong going prepared, as my medic friend says."

Taking a moment to regain her strength, Arthur was able to start walking back to Planeptune as I followed suit. I knew the way back anyway, but it was more for keeping an eye on her and making sure she didn't try to flirt with the first vaguely female thing she found.

* * *

Approaching Planeptune, Neptune had remained silent, aside from humming to herself some song or other. It wasn't one I knew of, but it sounded like a lullaby, or possibly a requiem. Either way, it was a nice thing to listen to on the walk back. Almost gave a sense of catharsis to everything.

Not wanting to bother Neptune, I considered calling up IF to see how she was doing, but relented. If she had anything to update me on, she'd call me, right?

So I resigned myself to silence as the soft footsteps on grass turned into harder footsteps on asphalt as we finally returned to Planeptune. As for the Nation itself, it was the same as ever, bustling with life but not overcrowded, no one thing being in more abundance than anything else. The fresh smell of baked goods hit my nose, as did the crisp air of what I'd imagine to be mid-to-late autumn Planeptune. WIthout any obvious indicators such as trees shedding their leaves while turning a lovely orange, it was difficult to tell when in the season we were in. Even harder with so sort of formal calendar system.

Yeah, of all things, there's no way to keep track of what day it was. It was odd how I only realized that now when thinking about the weather, but a lot of things in this world didn't make complete sense, so I just internally shrugged and went with it.

Either way, we were approaching the Guild and decided I'd wait there to pick IF up. If she had Guild work, she'd be there, at least. Poking the purple Planeptune pudding lover in the arm, she turned to me.

"I'mma go to the Guild and wait for Iffy. I can trust you with returning Progression to _where you found it?"_ I narrowed my eyes to intimidate her, but she didn't seem phased.

"Okay, _Dad._" Neptune playfully rolled her eyes at me. "You enjoy your date with Iffy, or whatever." Before I could snap back, she had started skipping down the street, not a damn in the world.

I can respect her ditziness, but at the same time it makes it hard work to talk to her. How Histoire puts up with her while being sober is beyond me. Speaking of, I pulled out that whiskey flask I packed with me this morning and took a cheeky swig of it. The alcohol burned my mouth, but it had a definite flavour to it as I gulped it down, the fluid making a similar impression on my throat. A moment or two later the pain was gone and I was free to head into the Guild.

The Planeptune Guild was the same as Lowee's, just purpler. Taking a seat on a free chair, I opened my UI Gloves and checked out the news cycle… Nothing new since this morning, how annoying, so I checked the Share counts for the first time in a long while.

* * *

**Planeptune: 20%**

**Lastation: 25%**

**Leanbox: 30%**

**Lowee: 25%**

* * *

That doesn't surprise me, really. Now that the CPUs aren't actively trying to murder each other for Shares, there was no real reason to have _more._ Leanbox probably had more due to lingering effects from the 5pb. advantage they had.

Huh. I just remembered that there was going to be a 5pb. concert today. Maybe I should take IF there. Surely as a Planeptune Staff Member working for Histoire, they would let me at least "guard" the VIP room, if not letting me in regardless.

Even if I did get in, what would I do? 5pb. is a great singer and all, but she'll probably sing the same set she had last time. Not that it'd be much of a problem, as I'd be there mostly to flirt with IF, probably.

Why else would people go to a concert? Still, while I was here on downtime, maybe I could check my stats again…

* * *

**Profile: **Koei Tech

**Occupation: **Freelance Planeptune Adventurer

**Level: **23

**New Skills/Traits: **Protagonist Aura (Allows use of Awakening, which boosts stats and has temporary Multicast), Rehabilitated (SP recovers faster), Would Do Anything For Love (When with Guild Member IF, stats boosted by 20%), Patriotic (When fighting in Planeptune, Vitality and Mentality boosted by 15%)

**EXE Drive: **Glacial Cleave (Freeze enemy before slicing them in half. SP: 750)

* * *

Well, that was a interesting read. Dunno what my stats are, but for minmaxing I need to be with IF and fight exclusively in Planeptune! Still, Level 23? That's about my age!

Well, it _should_ be. I died when I was 22, but it's mid-autumn now- **passage of time is bullshit, whatever.**

Looking back up, IF had actually turned up, accompanied by some slutty knight or other who was giving her _looks._ I wanted to have words with her, but she left with a friendly wave before I could give her a piece of my mind. Oh well, she looked like a raging lesbian version of me, but cuter. Couldn't be all bad then, I guess.

Getting up, I sauntered over to IF, who didn't seem to notice me as she pocketed the reward from her Quest. Turning to her left, she finally noticed me and leapt back a bit. "K-Koei! Don't sneak up on a girl like that!" She chided, which was fair.

I shrugged. "Not my fault my _ahem _quest ended early." I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "You know, when I'm not either in a coma or trying to murder everything in my line of sight, my life is pretty boring."

IF put a hand on my shoulder. "You forgot drinking."

I put a hand to my chin. "Huh, guess I did." Instinctively grabbing my flask of whiskey, I took a large sip, forgetting that _whiskey fucking burns._ Trying not to cough it all back out, IF snickered to herself while I gave a middle finger with my free, non-whiskey covered hand. After a moment or two of not dying, she patted me on the back as I forced the burning alcohol down my throat. I'm nothing if not persistent, at least.

Regaining my composure, IF was still giggling to herself with that damn smark on her face that simultaneously made me want to smack her and kiss her.

Thankfully for everyone involved, I did neither as IF patted me on the back. "Alright, seeing as you're so eager to get yourself hammered, let's head out to-"

_Vrrm, vrrm, vrrm._

"God. FUCKING. DAMMIT!" I yell in frustration, picking up the phone as I put the UI Glove to my ear. They will PAY for interrupting my drinking time!

"Ah, Koei." Blanc's monotone voice crackled through, perfectly opposing my immanent fury. "Sorry to be so sudden, but I need a favour."

Sighing very much audibly, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Whatever it is, can I drink during it?"

Silence from the CPU for a moment. "Koei, I swear to fuck, you do _anything_ while you're under the influence around my sisters and not even _I_ would be able to pull my axe out of your **asshole.**" Blanc threatened in a very convincing manner.

I for my part, reeled it in a bit. "Oh-okay. I should have asked what it was beforehand, sorry…"

Blanc clammed up herself, leaving the call in awkward silence. "Y-yeah. My bad too. Look, I have a… _date_ with Vert and I forgot that this is Mina's day off. Could you come over to Lowee and look after the twins?"

I blinked. "Surely there would be _literally anyone else_ more qualified for the job?" Which earned me a confused look from IF, as she couldn't hear Blanc's side of the conversation.

"You think I'd be asking _you_ if I had _anybody else_ to turn to?" Blanc shot right for the heart.

I shrugged visibly, earning more confused looks from IF. "Alright. I'll take the next subway to Lowee then. How much am I getting paid for this?"

"You get paid in not getting your fucking ass kicked." Blanc stated simply before hanging up. Well then.

"You want the good news, or the bad news?" I ask simply, to which IF raised a hand, before putting it down again.

"I… We got roped into something stupid, didn't we?"

"Yup. How are you with kids?"

IF shrugged back. "Better than you? Guess I _have_ to come with you now to make sure you don't fuck it up."

I shot a thumbs up. "Great. We're getting on the next train to Lowee, buying as much hard liquor as we can handle and looking after twin goddesses. What could _possibl-_

"**Don't**." IF said simply, putting a finger to my lips. "Just **don't.** I've had enough incidents in the past when _Nep_ said that, don't you start with that shit either, okay?"

I gently removed her finger before nodding. Without another word, we departed for Lowee.

* * *

Lowee is **FUCKING. COLD.** I didn't really notice this the first or second time around, but hot fucking damn this place feels like the damn Arctic, Even IF was shivering, though that might be due to her not having the appropriate clothing.

No, it was _definitely that._ Girl was wearing shorts in snow and if _I_ was feeling the cold with my jacket on…

Sighing, I took my Lowee jacket off and draped it over IF. She was surprised at my gesture, but accepted the jacket regardless, silently putting her arms in the holes.

Now feeling the cold harder than ever, I realized that I was a moron. Not for the myriad of reasons I already knew, but because I had a _magic spellblade that could set on fire._

Before I could let my inner pyromaniac out, I saw a hand appear from a dark alleyway, beckoning me over. Ignoring my base urges to shoot it as fast as possible, I approached the hand as I entered the alley. It was as you expect, dark, full of trash including your waifu, that sort of thing. Aside from that was a disheveled looking young woman. She seemed to be roughing it, which was sort of sad. I always did have a soft spot for the homeless.

"Spare some Credits?" She asked weakly, putting out a hand.

"Sure, how much?" I looked for my Credits storage, ready to hand her something along the lines of 1000 Credits or so, just to get her back on her feet.

What I didn't expect was her pulling out a switchblade. "**All** of them." She threatened, pointing the knife towards my chest, intending to go for the heart.

"Sure, sure…" I accessed my inventory to grab Peace, pulling the modified firearm out, the battery glowing in the otherwise dark alleyway. "What the **fuck** is wrong with you?"

Taking a step back, the woman unswitched her blade. "W-woah man, I didn't know you were-"

"Were what? An adventurer? Armed? **Alcoholic?**" I demanded answers from the clearly terrified lady, my adreniline going up to 11 as she _pulled a fucking knife on me._ I think I had every right to be angry!

Feeling a tug on my shirt I turned my head to see my darling Iffy, not very happy with me. "Koei, don't try and rob random homeless people…"

She started to drag me out as I attempted to explain that _she pulled a knife on me_, but to no avail. Thinking fast, I pulled out a bag of 1000 Credits and tossed it into the alleyway anyway as a sort of compensation to the clearly desperate woman. I was more than willing to give her them anyway, but she _had to pull a knife on me and escalate the situation._

Either way, situation resolved?

After some explaining, IF did forgive me considering the circumstances, though I left out the part where I threw money at her.

Back to heading to the Basilicom, then. IF kept giving me a _look_ as we headed over, not one of malice or judging, but of…

Despondency? Huh. Using my left hand, I gripped her right one tightly and squeezed. Judging from her crimson blush, she didn't expect said squeeze, but didn't do anything about it either. She seemed happy enough with the hand holding and despite my own embarrassment, was fine with it myself. So we continued on to the Basilicom, holding hands very publically. Honestly, this felt better than just grabbing Serenity and using the Flameblade spell. I never really considered being more… Intimate with IF. Sure, there was _that_ incident yesterday, but I was 80% sure she was kidding… The other 20% didn't bear thinking about.

Either way, she appreciated the hand holding, as did I, so we kept at it until we arrived at the Basilicom, where our palms separated before any prying eyes could see. 'Tis a crime to handhold in public, after all.

Good thing it was warner _in_ the Basilicom, as IF took my jacket off and handed it back to me. I didn't need it, so I put it in my inventory for the time being as we waited for Blanc.

It didn't take long as she eventually descended the stairs. What was surprising was her new outfit, consisting of a pastel green t-shirt and a tight looking pair of blue jeans. I didn't even know CPUs _could _ change outfits.

"Looking fly, Blanc." I shot my fingers into a gun shape as she gave a faint smile.

"Thanks. I thought being more.. _Casual_ for my date with Vert. As much as I like my dress and jacket, I'll be in Leanbox anyway, so I won't get cold." Blanc explained, tugging at her shirt a bit.

"Weird, I thought that CPUs couldn't feel cold. Then again, I don't want to get weird and ask you to test that theory or anything." I rubbed my head sheepishly.

Blanc gave me a blank stare before turning to IF with a nod. Not a moment later I felt a slap to the back of my head. "Don't be a fuckin' perv, Koei."

Rubbing my head for an entirely different reason now, Blanc proceeded to leave without another word. Now we had to find the kids and start _babysitting_ I guess.

Tonight is going to be _long._

* * *

One trip to the general store and blowing half my Credits on the cheapest booze I could find later, I returned to the Basilicom, IF completely unaware of my incoming drunkenness.

Sneaking in, I pretended that I went to the bathroom rather than you know, buying booze. Honesty is for suckers and sober people, I'mma get hammered while babysitting. Maybe IF could have some too if she was feeling low.

Speaking of, I unscrewed the top of my whiskey flask, taking a large swig of the burning liquid. With alcohol coursing through my veins, I could do anything! Except being sober.

Wandering up the stairs, I found IF struggling to keep the twin CPU Candidates under control, using her Guildmaster powers to dodge incoming books. Using my own great power, I grabbed the scruffs of their matching coats, causing them to turn around and notice me.

Nobody fucks with my girlfriend. "Good afternoon, Rom and Ram." I state simply, not trying to be intimidating and failing massively. The two were understandably shocked by my sudden appearance and ceased their book-based assault.

After the two buggered off, I checked on my girlfriend. Bruising aside, she was fine after I gave her a hug, despite her crimson blushing saying otherwise.

"Want a drink?" I offered, pulling out my flask of alcohol. She took it gratefully, taking a large swig.

Needless to say we didn't do much babysitting that night as we got fucking wasted. They could look after themselves anyway…

Probably.


	28. Kontemplation and Komplications

**A/N:** Whoops, dropped the ball on this. You know what I didn't drop though? _The mailbag!_

**YoshiChain:** I definitely should have elaborated on the babysitting part, but come on. It's _Koei._ Any chance to get wasted is a good one. Interesting method of reading the story though, having it done Audible-style.

_Sociopath With a Spellblade: The Audiobook. Only £20.20!_

Well, as that's the only review for this chapter, I have some room for some admin. You may have noticed the story cover has changed. Yup, I suckered some poor artist into drawing Koei. Their name is Velvet_Frame and they're a very good friend of mine. Please go check out their other work on Twitter or Furaffinity. Just uh… A content warning. Their work _is_ rather _lewd_ so reader discretion is advised.

Now excuse me, I have a hangover to nurse.

* * *

One hilariously unproductive night of getting absolutely annihilated later and IF and I woke up with some killer hangovers, judging by the chunni clutching her head.

Course, being in an unfamiliar bed, pantless and with no memory of the previous evening tends to ring alarm bells, but as IF's shorts were still firmly attached, I wiped my brow and let out a sigh of relief I didn't know I had.

I _really _need to stop getting wasted with IF around, lest I… _do something I regret._ Oh well, you only live twice. Death by Iffy would be far less embarrassing than death by truck, in my humble opinion. But I'm getting off topic.

Grabbing a Nep Bull from my inventory along with putting on some damn pants, I tried to figure out what the hell I did yesterday. Found Progression, fought Neptune, came to Lowee, bought as much cheap booze as I was allowed to, gave some to Iffy…

The various bottles of spirits scattered about the place indicated that we got pretty _fucking wasted_ This wasn't just beer, we're talking _hard_ spirits. Thankfully it seems we had some common sense, as there were some plastic bottles that were formerly filled with soft drinks, possibly to help it go down better.

And you know, not dying of a busted liver _as fast _helps. Still, cleaning up the bottles proved to be quite the task, even with the help of IF. Eventually the room was cleared as I downed the rest of the foul tasting drink, throwing the can into the bag before closing up entirely.

"Well, now that that's over with, what were we here for?" I rubbed my head in confusion as I tried to remember _why_ we were in Lowee in the first place, aside from "the fun of it."

"Must be the concussion?" IF asked rhetorically, before laughing to herself. Head trauma is only funny when _I _ make fun of it! "You forgot that we're here to look after… The… Twins... Aw fuck."

"**Aw fuck.**" I parroted, realizing the error of my ways, rushing out of the now cleaned up room towards wherever the twins were.

Thankfully for my sanity, I managed to find the twins in a short amount of time, being in the local dining room and nomming on cereal like the scamps they were.

"Well, that's one disaster avoided…" I mutter, walking into the room, alerting the candidates to my presence. They seemed to be fine, at least. Wonder why Blanc dragged me down here in the first place?

Peace of mind, probably. Still, they looked alright, albeit a tad surprised at my sudden entrance. "G'morning Mr. Koei." Rom said adorably between bites of cereal.

"Well, that's one loose end tied up." I breathed a sigh of relief I didn't know I had. My life won't be cut short by a very angry big sister… Yet.

Also kind of anti-climactic. Still, I dodged responsibility and didn't get punished for it! Hell yeah! Time for a dri- No, no. Let's sober up first.

Walking to the nearest kettle, I poured two cups of tea out, for IF and I rather obviously putting the tea and water in first, before putting in a small splash of milk at the top, nicely filling both cups with that lovely tea-ish colour that I knew and loved. Taking a seat opposite the Candidates, I struck up a conversation.

"So, how did you two do last night?" I asked casually, trying not to admit my own failure as a babysitter.

Ram continued to be rude and not pay attention to the conversation, nomming her cereal quite noisally. "Usually Blanc just leaves us to do things while she works, as long as we stay in the Basilicom, so it was just like big sis not being around… Just louder."

Considering my lack of memory, _that_ could mean many things and I wasn't about to start questioning them for the sake of Rom's innocence. "What _does_ she do when she's here, then?" I ask nonchalantly

Rom shrugged her shoulders, but not much else. "Not much, really. She tends to yell about ties for hens or something. Also she's _really bad_ at it."

I resisted my urge to burst out laughing at that tidbit of very pertinent information that could be used as blackmail down the line. Then again, Vert probably knows already, being the minx that she is. I can only imagine what the two get up to in private.

Would make for a hell of a scandal. Maybe I should hang out here for a bit longer, see if I can't pick up on some _spicy_ rumor or other. Gossip pays big in Gamindustri, or at least that's what I assume with how much of the garbage I rea. Makes sense, they're goddesses and all and any way to make them seem more human. Probably good for Shares.

"Mr. Koei? You're making a lot of weird faces…" Rom interrupted, a scared look on her adorable face. I guess I did with my diabolical planning inner monologue and all. I really need to break that habit, it is not useful in the slightest.

Neither is my alcoholism, I guess. I'll drink to that! "Yeah, sorry about that. Force of habit." I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly.

"Blame the concussion." IF smirked to herself. "He's a bit of a nutcase, don't be like him, kiddo."

I punched her in the arm in response. "I learn from the best." I responded, smiling myself as the two looked on in confusion.

Love is confusing, but so am I. Still, after making yet another mistake in the long line of mistakes that is my life and chugging tea like it _wouldn't_ somehow burn my throat, I gently tossed the teacup in with the rest of the dirty dishes, scarcely keeping intact from the impact. Why I did this, I have no idea. I thought it'd be funny.

_And I was right._ I chuckled to myself as I returned to the table. "So, can I trust you two to say nothing about yesterday?" I asked very pointedly, staring them both in the eyes.

"And why should we do anything, d-dummy?" Ram suddenly burst out, dramatically slamming her hands on the table as she stood up. "You had _one_ job and couldn't even do that right? You expect me to keep quiet?"

She had a point, but also… "I saved your ass from a kidnapper. Your sister too. You owe me." I state simply, crossing my arms, with a glare to boot.

A moment of staring at each other later, Ram relented and sat back down. "F-Fine…"

Phew. Threatening children aside, I needed to do something with my day and going back to Planeptune seemed a bit too much like seeing Neptune again and that was not a good idea. Pondering my thoughts further, IF placed her cup daintily on the ever increasing pile of dishes that the cleaning staff were obligated to well, _clean_.

Throwing my hands up, I gave up trying to think. "Fuck this, I'll be in the shower." I stated simply before tromping off to wherever the guest bedroom was.

* * *

A few minutes of aimless wandering and I came across not a bedroom, but a dedicated bathing facility, complete with basket to put "used" clothes in. Dunno how they'd sort through them and figure out what belonged to who, but it seemed creepy and privacy violating. Whatever, I'll just let them figure it out while I showered or bathed or whatever this place had.

Reading the guidelines carefully, I gave a sigh of relief that there was in fact, a shower in this bathhouse. Baths are cool and all, but after a while you realize that you're relaxing in water filled with dead skin and dirt. Yeah, this is why I preferred showers.

Doing the mandatory thing of stripping naked, I stepped into the shower and let the hot water blast my tired body, simultaneously tensing and relaxing the muscles on my shoulders. Kinda forgot how nice this felt. Nobody to talk to, no monsters to slay, just me, myself and I.

Without getting into excessive detail, I deeply cleansed my body using the scented soaps and shampoo helpfully provided by the Basilicom staff presumably, thinking of… Things in general. I hadn't had time to sit around and contemplate. Or _stand_ in this case.

It's weird, despite my frequent drinking, partying and general asskicking, I haven't really taken a day off in… _a while._ The last 3 days have had one pretty brutal fight a piece each and now that I'm finally taking some time off, I could see and _feel_ the bruising all over my body as the water forcefully hit the tender spots. I really didn't take care of myself, even discounting the scar across my chest from all that time ago. It had healed up now, but the slash mark is still there to serve as a grim reminder to my own mortality.

I wonder if CPUs can sustain injuries like this? Sure, knee'd Blanc's nose back in Ultradimension and Rom was pretty banged up all that time ago when I first helped out the other Blanc, but they didn't seem to scar, or sustain crippling injuries like I did.

Maybe I wasn't cut out to be the hero? The CPUs seemed to have a grasp on things now that they weren't trying to murder each other. The Candidates would make good backup when and if they ever stepped up to the plate. Is there no room in the world for someone like me?

Hell, _would_ the world be safer if I just hung up Serenity and retired before I managed to cause disaster?

Shaking my head, water flew everywhere as I forgot I was in the shower. Good thing the curtain was up. Still though, what am I going to do?

Sighing, I turned the shower off, letting the water drip off my body as I considered my options. Patting my chest and feeling the scarred tissue, wincing a bit as the tender nerves responded to my touching, I steeled my resolve. Whatever choice I made, I wasn't going to go back on it.

* * *

One overly contemplative shower later, I slipped on my UI Gloves and swapped to my Planeptune duds, before stepping out of the bathing area, dried up and ready to face the day.

What I didn't expect to face so soon was IF, who was waiting right outside the showering room for me. "Okay, I know the whole Stalker thing was basically dropped after I started working for Planeptune, but **how**?"

"You said you were going for a shower." She shrugged, before putting a hand on my shoulder. "That and you look… Worried? What's up?"

Rubbing the back of my head, I didn't want to spill the beans to her so soon after just trying to figure out if I wanted to continue down this path or not. But on the other hand, I wasn't going to be able to hide my feelings that well, right?

"Nothing?" I asked meekly, knowing that my attempted lie would be in vain. IF responded with a blank stare.

"Koei… Don't be dense." She put a hand to her face, before removing it again, proceeding to put it on my shoulder reassuringly "Come on, you're not usually one to look so down."

I blinked. "IF, we've known each other for like a _week_. Two at most." Keeping track of time was hard, but it hasn't been _that_ long since I first got my ass here.

IF grinned smugly. "Funny, weren't you the one saying that we had a connection all that time ago?" To my chagrin, I remember that pit in my stomach I had when she broke the news that we were going our separate ways.

Sighing in resignation, I decided to cut to the point. "Iffy, I don't feel _cut out_ for the hero role." I stated simply. My gaze not leaving hers as she processed what I just said.

"Oh." Was all she said in response, removing her hand from my shoulder. "I see." Taking one of her many phones out, she called a number as I stayed silent.

"Hey, this is IF. I'm going to have to take a few days off." An inaudible voice came from the other end as she nodded. "Yeah, some… Personal things have come up. I'll be back to work soon. Apologies for the recent inconsistencies." The voice mumbled again. "Thanks. See ya." She put down the phone back into her pocket before walking up.

She stood right in front of me for a moment, frozen before blushing, stretching out her arms and giving me a hug, stroking my head as she did so. "You've been through a lot. I think it'd be great if you took some time off with me. I'm sure Blanc wouldn't mind us staying for a few more days."

Why she was doing this I don't know, but I appreciated the concern. Holding her back, we embraced for a time before separating, both of us blushing _rather heavily_ after that embrace. Some things never change.

"So... " I rub the back of my head sheepishly. "Want to… Spend the day together then? I mean, if you have nothing better to do..." I offer my gloved hand, which despite the embarrassment of both of us, she took gratefully. Admittedly, while I wasn't completely on board myself with this, she needed reassuring. Plus, it was warm and while my Planeptune clothing provided enough heat inside the Basilicom, something about being able to squeeze her hand and make her blush made that feeling so much better.

With that… Awkward part out of the way, we headed back to wherever the next adventure was. Well, hopefully not adventure. Just some rest and relaxation _before_ the next one.

Yeah, that sounds great.

* * *

Exploring the Basilicom a bit, we did manage to figure our way back to the front entrance, at least. This was rather inconvenient, as Blanc decided to enter right when we reached the bottom of the staircase that served as the way to the living quarters. My hand was still in Iffy's so this would have led to embarrassment if Vert wasn't doing the same. Oh and Vert was here too. Instead of her more.. .Revealing, outfit, she opted for a basic sweater which while covering her nicely… Well, needless to say she can't hide her assets well. Feeling a burning sensation, I looked down at her legs, which were now covered in tight-fitting jeans to emphasise her figure as much as possible.

Taking the opportunity to remove my hand from IF's (Blanc did likewise and we had a silent pact not to bring it up.) I greeted the CPUs with a friendly wave. "Hey Blanc. Hey Vert. I must say, you really pull off that look well."

Placing one of her arms under her breasts and the other to her mouth, Vert giggled politely. "I thought this outfit would attract a few _male gazes_, but I didn't know it'd work _so well_ on you, Koei. Turns out you are a man of culture!"

I had little time to process that as I felt the cold embrace of death staring me right in the eyes with her own single, crimson one. That along with the burning gaze next to me indicated that I should move this along before I found out how many holes a katar can make before my body becomes a pin cushion.

Seeming to notice the tension, Vert started to walk towards the stairs, maintaining her composure. "Of course, you have to learn to dial back the compliments at some point. Never know when somebody might take your flirting seriously.~" She walked up the stairs, heading towards the clearly marked guest bedroom, leaving me to deal with the two.

"So… Mind if I stay here a few days?" I shrug at the CPU of Lowee, who seemed hellbent on kicking me out as soon as possible, but looked at Vert presumably, before calming down.

"Fine." She stated simply. "Flirt with Vert again and your girlfriend will be the _least_ of your problems, fucko." She sternly and coldly said, before following Vert up herself.

Rubbing the back of my head, I pondered what to do next, when I started to hear faint singing.

_Hashire sori yo…_

Huh, the tune's familiar, but the lyrics aren't. Putting a hand to my chin, I dug around for whatever it _could_ be.

_Kaze no you ni…_

Wait a minute… It couldn't be.

_Tsukimihara wo…_

**Oh fuck.** "Iffy, get down." I quickly ducked behind a nearby tablle, pointing the top of it towards the double doors to act as a shield while IF looked at me in confusion.

All hell proceeded to break loose.

"**PADORU PADORU!**" Neptune's ungodly shrill voice echoed through the hall as she quite literally kicked the doors open. Hiding behind the table was a precaution, but thankfully she didn't seem to cause any noticeable damage with her insane stunt.

"G-goodness Neptune!" Nepgear's panicked voice popped up, causing me to peek my head out from my makeshift barricade, finally seeing the Planeptunian CPUs in all their glory.

What a sight they were. Neptune had appropriately dressed herself up in a typical Santa outfit, though as this was _Neptune_, her dress didn't go below her thighs. Aside from that, it was pretty typical red and white fare. Nepgear was dressed as an elf, as per her helper status would indicate and looked damn cute to boot, even if her taller stature did ruin the image slightly.

Taking the opportunity to stop staring at the festively dressed lolis, I placed the undamaged table back on its legs, now that the imminent threat was now over with and walked over to Neptune, stopping short of smacking her across the face.

"The _fuck_." I said simply. Not even a question, just a statement. "The _**fuck**__."_

Neptune for her part, acted unaware of her idiotic behaviour. "What? Can't a gal spread some Christmas cheer around here?"

"Yes, as long as don't _kick the frigging doors open_ like you're about to spray and pray into a crowd, you sociopath!" I answered rather clearly. "I was prepared to use a table as a makeshift barricade and start shooting myself if I didn't recognize your voice at the last moment."

Neptune rubbed the back of her head nervously, seeming to realize her own fuckup. "Right. Yeah. Well, I figured that now that Gamindustri is at peace I could pull something like that _without_ getting shot?"

Dramatically sighing, I went over to help Nepgear close the doors. Thankfully despite her impressive strength for a loli, the doors remained intact, save for a mark where she kicked the center of the door.

"If there weren't _witnesses _here…" I mutter under my breath, loud enough for Nepgear to hear as the doors closed, allowing heat to envelop the lobby once more. She just looked at me with a combination of fear and confusion.

Turning back to the _other _psychopath in my life, I stared at Neptune. "So, aside from scaring people half to death and dressing like a slut, why are you in Lowee?" I was so tempted to say "I was here because I wanted to _get away_ from you" but that would be rude. Also not exactly true, mostly because I forgot she existed. _I blame the concussion._

"Well, after the drama in Ultradimension, I thought you deserved a break. Annnd after that farce that was the Halloween party, I thought you needed a _real_ break." Neptune exposited as she put down the bag on the floor. "What better way to give the protagonist a break than to force a holiday episode… Again!"

I put a hand to my face and regretted drinking all the hard liquor the day prior. My feelings could be summarized as "I am too sober for this shit" but this was my typical feeling around this time of year. That or it could be the baseline for hanging around with Neptune, it was hard to tell at this point.

The green elf Nepgear pulled out a device from… _a pocket, I guess_ and started a video call. The device itself seemed to be custom built, as it had the N iconography I had come to know while living in Planeptune, as she sat down on a nearby chair and started talking to… Uni I presume. Well, we already have three of the four CPUs here, might as well make it a full house.

"So, Kopey!" Neptune suddenly wrapped her arm around my shoulder, spooking the shit out of me, _more than likely intentionally._ "What do _you_ want for Christmas?"

I sighed. "Is that what we're going with? Not even _Nepmas_?"

Neptune, hand still on my shoulder, brought me in closer. "Nah, you can't put a copyright on the holidays, so we don't need to make an obvious expy of said holiday!" Neptune beamed, seemingly unaware of the bullshit coming out of her mouth. "Now come on, Kopey, get some holiday cheer in you!" She pulled a typical Santa hat out of nowhere and placed it on my head, adjusting it so it'd cover my scalp and _not_ fall off so easily, much to my chagrin.

"Thanks." I snark, head hurting from both her antics and my hangover. Pushing the bobble out of my face, I put my hands in my pockets. "What's in the bag, anyway?"

Meandering over to the bag, Neptune sealed it tight, before flinging it back over her shoulder. "That's for me to know and you to find out!"

Expecting Neptune not to be coy at this point was pretty much a Christmas miracle, so I left her to go find the tree to put the presents under while I contemplated how she knew about both Halloween _and_ Christmas.

This brief contemplation was interrupted by the doors swinging open yet again, revealing the cheery, busty nurse known as Compa. Aside from some earmuffs, she seemed to be in her usual outfit, which was slightly off considering how bastardingly cold Lowee is, but nobody seemed to feel the cold anyway, aside from IF and I.

"Hey everyone! I bought eggnog!" Compa announced, carrying a pair of bags with her. I hoped there was more than _just_ eggnog in there, but it wasn't likely, considering that there are minors here.

IF for her part, strolled to Compa immediately and started chatting casually. It made sense, they hadn't seen each other in a while and they were friends long before I was isekai'd here, so I put my hands in my pockets before Blanc and Vert returned from upstairs, now wearing Santa outfits themselves, just decked out in their Nation's colours. It looked more like weird nightwear if I'm being honest, but it fit the theme at least.

"Ho. Ho. Ho." Blanc monotonally bleated, not giving a single fuck about the outfit she was wearing. She clearly needed some _Christmas spirit_.

Heading towards Compa's fabric bags, I took a peek inside and- OH YES, SHE BROUGHT **BOOZE**. If she wasn't in the middle of chatting with IF I would have hugged her. Sneakily attempting to pry some of the liquid out of the bag proved to be more difficult than expected, as despite my best efforts to remain sneaky, Compa's hand immediately squeezed on my arm as soon as I touched the bag, _not even moving her head while she talked to IF._ That's not terrifying at all!

Still, after letting her iron grip off, I shook my hand to try and heal it up. For a nurse, she grips _hard_. Once she finished her conversation with IF, she turned her head ever so slightly to see me, hand now _firmly_ away from bag and she smiled in a slightly sinister way. "Oh, Ko-Ko! It's nice to see you again! Would you mind if I _checked up on you in another room?_" Her innocent voice dripped with malice as nobody else seemed to notice that the medical professional had a target painted on me and wasn't about to let her prey go.

Walking randomly to the most soundproof room she could find, Compa opened the door before motioning for me to go in. Before I could so much as yelp, she dragged me in by the collar giving me no time to call for help before I was dragged into darkness.

Closing the door behind her, Compa turned on the light before slipping on some plastic gloves. "Now, Ko-Ko. Open wide…"

Doing as she asked out of primal instinct and previous trauma caused by dentists, I closed my eyes and braced myself before a polite and adorable giggle broke my tension entirely. "Just a little medical humor to break the ice. How are your wounds doing?"

Opening up my purple shirt, Compa inspected the scarred skin carefully. "Hmm, seems it's done as much healing as it will be able to. A shame it won't _fully _heal, but it shouldn't cause you too much trouble anymore." Compa pulled my shirt back down before learning closer, inspecting my face up and down before walking around to the back and lifting my shirt up to inspect my back, presumably. After a moment or two and some _inappropriate touching,_ she put down the back of my shirt and walked back into view.

"Alright, seems you haven't hurt yourself since your last check-up… Surprisingly." Compa's tone turned surprisingly deadpan for a moment.

Getting up, I prepared to leave the room, passing the nurse by, but she grabbed the back of my collar again before I could open the door, tugging as I turned to see her with _a look_ in her eyes. I can't really describe it, but it's the sort of thing that makes you want to run. Far away. _As fast as possible._

"So I haven't really _said_ anything about you and Iffy being a _thing_…" She started, tone as innocent as ever as I mentally prepared a will. "Just so you know, if you do _anything_ to hurt her, make her cry, or otherwise do something bad to her, I **will** find out and I **will** make it look like a suicide. Don't **fuck** with my BFF, Koei."

I blinked and instantly, Compa's eyes softened back to her usual state as she let go of my collar. I stared at her for a moment or two before chalking it up to the concussion as I left the room back to the party at hand.

* * *

Time passed. Time always passes, but in this case it passed rather uneventfully as the party-goers talked amongst themselves, while I hung out in the corner, reading the news. Mostly business talk these days. Out of the corner of my eye, I did see Rom and Ram finally walk down the stairs, in matching Santa outfits, in that pale pink and pastel blue I knew. Combined with Blanc's it was pretty adorable I must admit. I might have even cracked a small smile. Seeing the larger Lowee CPU approach me, I shut off the UI Gloves and prepared to communicate with her.

"Bad news. Noire and Uni are going to be late. Something about having the perfect outfit. I need you to stall for time with Rom and Ram while we set up the food."

I blinked, temporarily forgetting that Blanc was the one who asked me to look after them in the first place and didn't know of my… Less than stellar job in doing that. Oh well. Getting up, dusting myself off as I headed to the twins, who were chatting to themselves. "Hey. Wanna have a snowball fight?" I ask, not suspiciously. They nodded eagerly as we headed out of the Basilicom to prepare to throw frozen water at each other.

Regrettably, I didn't have my Lowee duds on, so the cold bit hard into my clothing, but I'd have to bear it, as this was my stupid idea. For their part, the twins were already excitedly making balls to throw, with their hands covered in lovely mittens to protect their hands.

I suppose CPU biology wouldn't be the best thing to teach a chi- OH FUCK. Dodging a pair of snowballs in the nick of time, I braced myself as I dug into the pristine white ground and started throwing balls of snow at them. Predictably, I missed dramatically. Look, if I can't aim frigging _pistols…_

Dodging yet more balls of snow, I realized I was hopelessly outmatched. That and I saw small casts of magic between the barrage of snowballs, as they had _pulled out their staffs to spawn snowballs._ Cheating little…

Ducking behind a snowbank I pulled out Serenity. Two could play at this game. Leaping out from the makeshift cover, I felt mana coursing through my veins as snowballs started to launch from the tip. The surprise attack managed to nail Ram in the chest as I turned to Rom, understandably caught off guard as another snowball nailed her in the shoulder. Smiling smugly, I ducked behind my new favourite snowbank as shards of _ice _were flung in my general direction now. I'd say things are heating up, but they seem to be throwing colder things at me. Also those icicles look _sharp_, Waiting for the barrage to end, I followed up with my own barrage of snowballs towards the twins, but they expected my counter attack, as a snowball nailed me from the side, knocking me over. Before I could get up, I started to feel my legs freeze over. Lifting my head, my legs were in fact, being encased in ice. _Fuck._

Staring at the magic casting Ram, she quickly hid her staff in a vain attempt to seem innocent. Simply heating up Serenity, I did the logical thing and put the red hot blade between my legs, waiting for the ice to melt. The ice slowly dissipated, but my legs didn't feel any wetter, which was odd. After a few moments, my legs were entirely free, unharmed by either the intense heat of Serentiy or Ram's attempt at giving me frostbite. Using Serenity as a crutch, I struggled to get back up, my legs numb from the cold as I glared at the pink twin.

Thankfully for all involved, Blanc popped her head out of the front entrance and motioned to me that my stalling was over. Meandering my way back into the Basilicom, the twins happily followed as I desperately needed a drink.

Ahh, so warm and cozy compared to the white hellscape outside. If I closed my eyes I could almost see this place being some log cabin in the wilderness, cut off from civilization with only a roaring fireplace between me and the untamed nature outside.

Of course, the Basilicom was the exact opposite, bustling with life as Noire was talking to Vert and Uni to Nepgear, having arrived during the snowball fight, it seems.

The feeling of a heavy coat being put on to me kicked me out of my thoughts as I turned around to see IF, now minus her trademark jacket, giving a wink despite her more exposed body. Guess the Basilicom was just _that_ warm.

"You looked cold." She said simply, pointing to my arms, which were instinctively crossed across my chest.

Looking back up, I shrugged, fitting my arms into the sleeves simultaneously. "Course I am, my legs were covered in ice." I joked, shaking my still numb left leg for emphasis.

IF rolled her eyes playfully. "It's not like magically created ice leaves anything but numbness after it "melts" anyway, stop being a baby." She punched my shoulder lightly. "Come on, I got a nice spot to show you upstairs." She started to walk up the stairs as I followed, still in her jacket.

* * *

Our journey was made in silence as we headed through the Basilicom, eventually happening on the doors to a balcony. Opening it up, we were blasted with cold air as I handed IF her jacket back. Taking it gratefully, she walked out before leaning on the balustrade. I mirrored her movements, now looking out at the pristine Land of White Serenity.

"So…" I start, after a moment or two of awkward silence, staring at the landscape before us. "Why did you bring me here?"

"To talk." IF said simply, turning to meet my gaze with a glint in her eye. "I've been thinking a lot since yesterday. You passed out rather early, so I had some time to myself to down some whiskey and be alone with my thoughts and…"

Silence.

"And?"

IF sighed. "We're in this weird quandary, aren't we?" She looked down and away from me. "We're more than friends, anyone with more than a passing glance at us together can see that, but neither of us has made _that_ step towards becoming… You know."

I blinked. I had been so focused on being with her that I forgot entirely about _that_. "I'm… Not exactly sure if I'm ready." I admitted honestly, my words blowing off into the wind.

I felt a hand on my back. "Maybe I should help with that." Suddenly I was pulled into a hug by the chunni, who squeezed me tight for a few moments as I embraced her back, feeling the warmth of her body heat and even the thumping of her heart while our bodies intertwined. Before she let go, she did something completely out of left field and kissed me on my right cheek. Smiling broadly despite her absolutely crimson blush, she started to walk back inside. "**Now** we're a thing." She simply stated before disappearing entirely.

Using my hand to rub my now moistened cheek , I leaned over the balcony again.

Did… Did that just happen?


	29. Throwing Down the Gauntlet

A/N: Let's make this quick, we got one review and things are about to heat up.

**YoshiChain: **PADORU, PADORU, CHRISTMAS WEEABO- wait shit it's the 6th already. But yeah, I pretty much agree with what ya said and well... Needless to say we're going to get to the third and final act. As per story tradition, the second act always serves as a rest point and I've let Koei develop and simmer long enough, so let's raise them stakes!

And for once, I actually have the next chapter mostly written up, so I might be able to publish on a semi-regular basis, Celestia willing.

Now then, shall we?

**POST PUBLISHING NOTE: **My trainwreck inspired someone to write their own bar-based Neptunia fanfiction! If you wish to read more drinking shenangins, then go read HA-V3N by Cirno the Genius! Least I could do after inspiring you, bud! Go give it a read, it's shorter than this chapter and well worth your time. Tell 'em I said hi.

* * *

The cold battered at my shirt as I contemplated what the hell just happened. It was a lot to process at once and the cold wasn't helping. Sighing in defeat, I headed back into the Basilicom, shutting the door behind me as I embraced the warmth inside the Basilicom. Sure felt like home for a minute there, before I opened my eyes again and saw the regal decorations all around me.

I have to say, Lowee looks a damn sight better than Planeptune's Basilicom. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but they really need some interior decorators. Purple and white is rather bland if you ask me.

"Uh, Koei? You kinda walked in here and started making faces." IF's voice broke me out of my trance as I looked around. I had somehow ended up back into the main room of the Basilicom's main room, with the CPUs giving me looks as I readjusted my bearings.

Rubbing the back of my head, my cheeks fest a bit rosy as I looked away from IF. "Uh yeah. Sorry 'bout that. Force of habit?"

IF answered with a pat on the head. "Sure kiddo, close enough." It took all I had to stop myself from squeeing, but I managed. Somehow. With that awkward business out of the way, I took a look around me and now that the CPUs were no longer focused on me. They seemed to be getting along just fine, chatting casually like coworkers would at a Christmas party.

Checking my UI Gloves... Damn, no booze left and I wasn't about to tangle with Compa again. Oh well. Starting to sneak out of the building, IF gave me a look, before winking and starting to chat with Compa again, giving me the perfect opportunity to grab some more BOOZE!

* * *

Phew. Lowee's fuckin' cold. Blanc's lucky she has CPU biology on her side, because otherwise that damn jacket and vest combo would not work out for her. Still, I'm here in the General Store, where the booze would be available. Walking up to the automated kiosk, I scanned in my UI Gloves and my account was automatically signed in. Must be new and convenient tech, judging from the Lastation branding on it. Looking around, I took a few healing items again before moving onto BOOZE. I bought a bit of everything you could think of. Beer of course was on the top of the list, but some wine, vodka, rum, whiskey, whatever the fuck "Mister Jager" was, among other neat looking alcohol bottles. Whatever, it's Christmas, right?

The screaming coming from my liver said that this was going to be a bad idea, as did my now minimal balance of Credits. Looks like I'll have to go overtime after this break. Closing the menu and double checking that I had the necessary things in my inventory, I left the General Store without a word, putting my hands in my pockets as I left to protect myself from the inevitable biting cold. Walking out, it was damn cold as I I quickened my pace to get back as soon as possible, not giving a single damn for those in my path.

This became a problem about... two seconds into this line of thinking, as I did in fact, bump into someone, my ass hitting snow as I looked at who I ran into.

Their hood was up, so I couldn't see their face properly, but faintly familiar purple hair poured down from it. Speaking of faintly familiar, their jacket looked like one I saw once, but it wasn't black. Just like most people in Gamindustri, they didn't see the practicality in pants, but their long, slender, uncovered legs covered their undergarments at least.

Oh. She has tits too. I could see those puppies moving about underneath the hoodie. Still, I had to be a good citizen and stop looking at her titties. "You alright, miss?" I got up quickly before offering a hand to her.

She took it gratefully, getting up and patting herself down before taking a look at me. While I couldn't see her face, she seemed to recoil in fear from me. Come on, I'm not that unattractive...

"Shoot. Shoot shoot shoot." Her loli but older voice rang out as I put two and a parallel universe together and realized what was up.

"Wait a second, aren't you-"

"Nope, nobody you know, from this dimension or any other I have a date seeyasorryforbumpingintoyou!" She said in a definite panic, before rushing down an alley, hood uncoupling itself from her head to reveal her very Neptune-like hair, stretching down her body as she disappeared around a corner. Following her down, I turned the corner and saw... Nothing? Where'd she go?

That... Happened, right? Slugging my left arm, I proceeded to rub it. Yeah, this is reality. Walking back out, I only had one thought on my mind.

That's Ultradimension Neptune. 100%. Literally just Neptune but older. And hotter. And legal.

Wonder why she was here. Or why she ran off so quickly.

* * *

"Phew. That was too close." I crept out of the dimensional rift I created after that guy bumped into me. What a weirdo, but I got what I needed. Opening my pocket, I pulled out my notebook and looked through the intelligence I had gathered for the boss lady. Namely the Guild stats of one Koei Tech. Good thing those are easily available from Guilds, otherwise I might have been in trouble.

"Hey, boss lady! I'm back~!" I walked through the city ruins as I looked for the gal who hired my particular set of skills.

I heard a sigh from everywhere. "I told you before, that's not my name." Dark energy exploded as the boss revealed herself, covered head to toe in black and blue. I didn't have the guts to ask her if it was just a phase or a fashion statement, but forgot to ask back when I worked for her.

"Well, you wouldn't take Kurome either. Or Kurosy."

"Just give me what I asked for, Neptune." She held a gloved hand out and gave her the page of my notebook containing the top secret details. Silence reigned as she read it, and I looked around. For a featureless void, it was pretty neat-looking, what with that giant Heart Crystal serving as the centerpiece of the ruins.

"Interesting." She finally finished, geez. "It seems you pulled this off without incident." She stared at me. "You did make sure that nobody saw you, right?"

I shot a thumbs up. "Of course, what sort of thief gets caught in the act?" I lied through my teeth for my own health. She wouldn't find out anyway.

"Excellent. Now that I know who I am up against, we must devise a strategy to set our plan into motion. We have the element of surprise, after all."

"Y-yeah... We do." Shit. I'm going to have to ditch her sooner than expected. "Still, shouldn't I gather more intel about your successor before you start devising a scheme, just in case?"

She didn't even look at me as she walked past me. "If she's an alternate version of you, it's nothing to worry about." She stopped walking before turning her head towards me. "I don't mean that as an insult, it's just an objective fact that your ability to traverse dimensions easily and stealthily is the only reason you're not a mindless drone for me. Even then, I'm regretting not doing that."

"That's uh... That's something alright." I felt my confidence die a slow and painful death as I realized how little she truly cared about me as a person.

"Consider it a reference for your next job interview. You'll be needing one soon, assuming your dimension isn't destroyed in the aftermath, that is. Now go on, I have things to scheme." She shooed me away. "But not too far, I may have more use for you yet."

I shrugged and opened a dimensional hole to head back home. Methinks I earned a pudding.

* * *

Entering the Basilicom, the gathered party had barely moved, let alone acknowledged my leaving. Still, best to keep safe around medical personnel when possible. Walking up the stairs, I cleared my throat to make myself known, attracting the attention of all present. With all those eyes on me, I made my announcement.

"Ladies." I stated simply, reaching into my inventory to find the booze. "Tonight we party like it's 1999!" I pulled out two bottles of spirits, not giving a damn about what they contained.

"Koei." Blanc stated simply. "It's two in the afternoon and there are minors present." She stared at me dead in the face with her cool steel blue eyes for what seemed like forever. "It'd be my pleasure."

Walking back down the stairs, I handed Blanc a bottle of vodka as she set it onto a nearby table that was filled with various cartons of eggnog. Grabbing one and some glasses, "Prepare to sit down, because the Lowee Dropper is going to put you on your ass!"

Vert put a hand to her face. "Oh Goddesses, not this again. She spends one week in Glitch City for a convention, goes to some run down bar called VA11-Hall-A and suddenly she's a fucking bartender."

Blanc was still flipping the bottle and cartons of eggnog around, engrossed in her work as she mixed up a storm. Eventually, she walked away from the table, which was now full of glasses of semi-transparent eggnog.

"Blanc... How many glasses of spiked eggnog did you make?" Vert hadn't removed her hand yet.

"Yes."

Walking up to the table, I grabbed one of the many classes before taking a drink. Yup, tastes just as bad as I thought. "Wow." I said simply. "This is fucking awful."

Blanc flipped the bird at me as she drank straight from the vodka bottle. Everyone bar the minors approached the table with trepidation as I continued to drink this shite for no adequetely explained reason.

"Why are you drinking that anyway?" IF crept up on me from fucking nowhere, her own hand wrapped around a glass.

"Because. I hate myself. You're my girlfriend, you should know this." I explained, using a single finger to point at her as I took another drink.

"Fair point, but we've been a thing for what, 5 minutes and you're already being a prick. That's the Koei I know." She gave me another peck on the cheek, before realizing that we were in public and blushed extremely visibly. I too felt like a tomato I rubbed the back of my head.

"Damn, Iffy making the first move. Guess I owe Histy ten bucks." Neptune piped up, reminding me of what happened earlier.

"Christ on a bike, that reminds me. Any of you seen an older, hotter Neptune around lately? Ran into her and she took off like a fucking jet." I asked the crowd, who looked at each other and simultaneously shrugged.

"Aw man, and there's an alternate version of me. That's twenty bucks down the drain." Neptune sighed as she took a long drink of her laced eggnog. "Christmas fucking sucks."

"Imagine if they met up. The universe would collapse from sheer stupidity." Blanc ice burned Neptune so hard that I felt a chill down my spine as Neptune collapsed.

"My theory was it'd collapse from their metaness. Kinda like if Deadpool and Pinkie Pie had some abomination of a child." Nepgear piped up herself, causing Neptune to tuck her legs into the fetal position.

"I'm not an abomination..." Neptune muttered to herself. There goes her self-esteem. Big yikes.

"Alright ladies. Lay off the layabout, even if she deserves getting a few pegs taken down, she's still my boss' boss and I gotta respect that." I attempted to diffuse the situation before Neptune went full Heel due to perceived hatred of her.

As if a CPU would fall to darkness like that...

Yeah, you know where this is going, don't you?

* * *

"Considering I had to shelter a shit ton of people during the Siege of Planeptune, I think I know what happened, Koei." Jill's staring me in the eyes as I kept talking, my quest over and the world saved.

"Oh come on, we're getting to the fun part now. This is where I finally come into my own as a hero, find the other Artifacts and did I mention save the fucking world?" I wave my arms wildly as I continued to get shit-faced while chatting to Jill.

What? Guy can't get a drink while regaling his story, showing the framing device for this entire fanfiction?

Oh don't act surprised that I'm aware of the fourth wall. Protagonist Aura, remember? This is a fucking Neptunia fanfiction, if the main character isn't a fourth wall breaker, is it really a Neptunia fanfiction?

Right, let's reel it back. I won't have the ability to break the fourth wall until I truly awaken as a hero. You remember NEXT Forms? Well, I wouldn't say I'm that strong, but I get pretty close!

"Well, it's entertaining. A solid C for effort, F- for the actual story." Jill continued to clean out the glass she had been cleaning for the last few minutes. It's pristine. "That and I know you just want to pass the time before you go back home due to?"

"Eh, that's a spoiler." I wave my hand lazily. "We'll get there eventually, but for now let's get back to uh..."

"The Christmas party." Jill reminded me.

"Right. Sorry, it's a long story." I rubbed my head.

"You've been coming here for a solid week to tell me this story. Aside from the increased patronage, it's a pretty fuckin' long story. Between that and you staying here until closing, you've dumped some serious cash into not being at the Basilicom."

"I moved to an apartment. Same tower as Compa, actually." I took a drink of my Beer. "Iffy's great and all, but... Well, you'll see." I sighed as I emptied my glass. "Another Beer, and I'll continue this."

Jill nodded, grabbing a fresh glass to put Beer in as I adjusted my new jacket. "Unified by truth and justice, future knights we are..." I muttered as I felt the chill of nighttime Planeptune leak through the door. "Fucking hell Jill, how did I become Planeptune's champion?"

"Planeptune's fucked up, Koei." Jill put down the glass, as I gratefully took a drink. Taking out her notebook, Jill put down another mark on my tab. Pretty sure I had racked up at least 15,000 Credits in drink and I'm like, 2/3s through this story. "That and well, you're pretty talented at murder, it seems."

"True, true. Anyway, back to the carnage?"

* * *

With Neptune calmed to a state of non-genocidal sadness, we continued drinking, opting to not have a repeat of the Lowee Dropper incident and keeping the eggnog unspiked. This also meant the Candidates were able to have a refreshing glass of eggnog themselves without the FBI or whatever busting down the door. Still, this left me with the taste of EGG in my mouth. Like I'd been sucking a scotch egg for a week. Not particularly fowl, but I'd rather have the chicken, honestly.

Taking a bottle of beer out of my inventory, I cracked it open against the edge of the table before taking a long drink of it. Ah, that's the stuff.

"You just tanked a vodka-laced eggnog. As your girlfriend..." IF started.

"I should drink more, yes." I unfurled a finger, pointing to my current girlfriend. A ringing emminated from my UI Gloves before I could accomplish this, as I picked up the "phone".

"Koei Tech. We have a problem." Kei's voice echoed through the gloves as I took a drink. "Our Artifact has disappeared."

I spat out my drink. "Shit on it."

"Love to, but we don't have it." Kei replied. "Look, normally I wouldn't trust you with something actually important, but as Noire and Uni are attending a totally legitimate gun convention in Lowee..."

I glared at the Lastation CPU and Candidate, who understandably looked rather shamed at least. "Sure, I'll go do their job for them. That's what I do for Planeptune already." I said, taking time out to drink the rest of my beer. "I don't have to be sober for this, right?"

"Koei, at this point I'm convinced you run off drink." Kei replied, before putting the phone down.

"Well, fuck. Looks like I have a job to do." I sigh internally as I grabbed the near-empty bottle of vodka, spinning it around as I put it back into my inventory. "Sorry ladies, I have an Artifact to save." I state simply as I walk out the door. "Blanc, be a dear and make sure my Lowee duds arrive in the mail. You know where to send it." I closed the door behind me as I promptly fucked off. The door opened again as IF followed me out.

"Well, seems that turning my phone to silent was a bad idea. Got a call from the Guild, prisoner escaped from Leanbox and got to Lastation. To put it bluntly Ko-Ko, Shit's Fucked." IF caught me up as we headed to the subway.

"Aside from calling me Ko-Ko, I understood all of that." I replied as I quickened my pace, being sure to not bump into anyone this time. "Linda."

"Oh yeah, your other girlfriend." IF snarked as we headed into the subway. "How was she in Leanbox? You know I was busy with things in Planeptune at the time, so I appreciate you taking her down."

"Shocked you weren't at the peace conference, honestly." I realized finally. "Seems like your sort of thing."

"Yeah if my thing was politics I'd tell you. More a fan of giant women, to be honest." IF gave me a stare as I looked back in abject horror and slight horniness. "I'm kidding." She said finally.

"Shame. Sounds hot." I reply, not entirely lying. "I'll ask NepG if she can whip up a growth ray?"

IF punched me in the arm. "Alright, calm down macrophiliac. It'd never work out anyway, so let's just focus on the task at hand." She finished as the train rolled in. We had an Artifact to rescue from nefarious means.

Well, it might be Linda, so maybe not so nefarious.

* * *

One quick subway trip to Lastation later, I quickly realized that I have no idea where the fuck our villain of the day was. Looking at IF she grinned before pulling out one of her many phones and started making calls. "Hello. Yes, I did say I wanted a few days off, but this is a bit of an emergency now, isn't it?" Silence as we walked out of the subway as I pulled out my bandana to cover my mouth. "No idea of Regality's location? Damn. Keep me posted." She put the phone down before pulling out a different one and typing in a number.

Before she could finish typing in the new number, I patted her on the shoulder to get her attention. Without turning, she responded. "I'm a power user. That and it looks cool."

"Debatable. Isn't the Artifact of Lastation the Gauntlet of Fiery Passion, though?"

"That's a mistranslation of ancient Gamindustri texts. Turns out the translator mistook one kanji for a completely different one that just so happened to be a bit faded away. Histoire probably gave you the name before the books were corrected after it was found in some abandoned factory or other. It's roughly translated to the Gauntlet of Black Regality now."

"That was me who found it..."

"Well yes, but the public can't know that due to Uni know who not being public knowledge yet."

"They really need to get on that." I finished, leaving her to it as I looked around Lastation, more of a casual amble than the full on panicked sprint that we should be going at, but I wasn't complaining. Time with IF is time with IF, after all. Putting my hands in my pockets, we almost looked like tourists, which would probably help in not being spotted by the villain we were after.

A few moments of wandering later, we ended up back in the cafe I came to that day I helped Uni out with that derelict factory. Wait, shit. Shit. Shit.

"Wanna stop for a coffee?" IF asked me, unaware of what almost went down here a few days ago. Sighing, I nodded before heading to the counter. Hopefully the bandanna would cover enough of my face. Walking up to the counter, the nice lady from before was cleaning up some cups in the near empty cafe.

"One tea and one... Black coffee." I took a guess at what IF would drink as she turned around, almost surprised at my appearance.

"One tea and one black coffee coming right up, Koei." She said with a smile as I just stared back. Preparing the kettle, she got the requisite ingredients out of a nearby cupboard. "You've become a bit of a household name here in Lastation, you know." She offhandedly mentioned like it was nothing. "I mean, you annoyed Lady Black Heart into transforming, who then nearly killed you, then there's rumors of you two sleeping together. Makes for great chatter, so thanks for that."

I shrugged. "I guess. But nobody thinks that it is true or anything, right?"

The clerk politely giggled. "'Course not. Both the CPU and Oracle vehemently deny these claims and their word is absolute. Unless..." She winked at me.

"Koei, even think about doing anything but denying those claims and I will make it look like a suicide. I know people."

Fearing for my imminent death, I did just that. "I can 100% confirm that I did not have relations, sexual or otherwise with Noire."

"Yeah, thought so. Sucks to be you, though. Imagine getting with a CPU. That shit would make you the luckiest guy in Gamindustri."

I smiled. "I already am."

I felt an arm wrap around me. "You're not saying that because I just threatened your life, right?"

I put a hand to my chin. "Well, partially because I don't want to be Compa's next autopsy project, partially because I am a lucky guy for landing a cutie like you." I span around to give the chunni a peck on the cheek for once, causing her to turn crimson. "How's the coffee and tea coming?"

"Oh, they're done, I just like seeing you two banter, as it's cute. Consider it on the house, even." The clerk replied, placing two disposable cups onto the counter. "Thought that VerBlanc was going to be the hot new relationship, but you two have pizzaz."

Oh god she's a shipper. "R-right. Thanks for the hot drinks, lass." I took the cups, giving the coffee to IF as I held onto the tea as we left. She was nice enough, but we had things to do anyway.

* * *

"Black coffee, huh?" IF remarked as we wandered Lastation, waiting for one of her contacts to get back to her on the whereabouts of Regality. "Not my favourite, but it's good enough. Maybe add a smidge of sugar and a dab of milk next time, though." She took a drink, before nearly choking on it. "Fuck."

I turned around in a panic, nearly spilling hot tea onto myself. "You alright?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah. Protip: Lastation is known for strong coffee. Planeptune... Less so." IF coughed into her sleeve. "Black Lastation coffee is pretty famous for knocking unprepared tourists on their ass. I used to drink this all the time, but then there was a scandal about caffeinated drinks when someone stayed up for a week straight on Doc Tear Popper. "

"You say scandal but I assume Compa just rode your ass every time she caught you drinking coffee." I took a drink of tea. Should have asked for a sugar or two.

"She's kind of where my overprotectiveness comes from, yeah..." IF took the time to rub the back of her head, cheeks turning rosy. "D-Don't tell her I said that. Or that she "rode my ass", either. There was this one time at Powerlevel Island, but-"

Ringing came from my UI gloves. Answering the call, I put the glove to my ear, despite it being an unknown number. "You've reached Koei Tech, local sociopath. Who can I murder for you today?"

"Well, you still are as irritating as ever. Meet me at Time Splitter LTD I have the info you need." A familiar voice said before hanging up.

I blinked. "Iffy, I think we need to head to a derelict factory to meet someone I hate and I will probably regret it. You up for it?"

With a simple nod, we headed off.

* * *

You know, a lot of things point back to that day I first got Peace and Tranquility. Nearly got shot by a giant spider mecha and got to look up Uni's skirt. Good times.

... I'm so glad IF can't read my thoughts like Neptune can.

"I'm shocked you're still with IF after all this."

"Yeah and I'm sure you've never had "taken" men make eyes at you. You're kinda hot, you know."

"... I'm cutting you off. Make this part quick before you fuck this up even more."

"Fine. But you know, if it doesn't work out between IF and I..."

"I'm legally obligated to inform you that I own a gun and am not afraid to use my second amendment rights."

"... Jill, we're in Gamindustri, where one of the patron deities carries a custom built rifle and another has a beam sword that doubles as a laser cannon. I don't think you need second amendment rights."

"It's more of a legal defense if I have to use it, Cassanova. Now, back to the story. Your Beer's running low and it seems like you're about to get to the good bit."

"I am, actually!"

Still, the lock wasn't replaced, but that didn't matter as there was a figure lurking outside, being all menacing and stuff. Walking up to them, their grey hoodie gave their identity right away.

"You know Linda, if you want to be inconspicuous, don't wear a hoodie that nobody in the history of humanity has worn before. Also maybe do something about that corpse-grey skin." I snarked as I came across my old nemesis.

"You want the info or not, Koei." Linda pulled down her hood. "Not in a good mood, so make your answer snappy."

"Any leads on the whereabouts of Regality would be greatly appreciated. Hell, if your info is correct, I might even refrain from informing the authorities of your location." IF bargained, trying to sweeten the potential deal.

"Oh don't try to pretend like you didn't already call the CPUs on me as soon as I called." Linda snarked again, looking away. "Look, I had Regality, but it got stolen."

IF sighed. "Right, so you don't know who has it?"

Linda grinned back. "No, I do. She's right behind you."

Aw fuck. Quickly pulling out Serenity as I turned, I barely guarded against a metal fist going to my face, but it launched me into the building, thankfully avoiding any walls along the way at least.

Walking into the building, light glinting off their gauntlet, the unknown assailant made themselves known. It was the Neptune from earlier, now sporting Regality on her right arm. "Boss lady wants you dead, Koei. Nothing personal."

"Well it's personal to me, bitch." IF unleashed a Demon Flame at the larger protagonist, who blocked it easily with her black armoured arm.

"Okay. Okay. Can we time out for a minute here? THE FUCK IS GOING ON." I was quickly losing patience and needed answers before I started shooting people.

Neptune shrugged. "Well, I was sent here to kill and or delay you, so what the heck. I work for someone. She doesn't like you doing hero things and generally trying to stop her plan by gathering the Artifacts."

"But... I don't even know who that could be." I tilted my head.

"And that's why she wants you dead before you become a legitimate threat." She continued to exposit, while pointing over to the person who led me here. "Linda over there was bait, knowing that your feud with her would draw you out. In exchange for this lovely little gauntlet, I let Linda escape prison using interdimensional rifts. With me so far?"

"Aside from how you got the gauntlet, yes."

"Ah, that's just a simple heist. Not good at the whole thievery thing and you can't just interdimensional rift your way around a Basilicom. Something to do with Sharicite. So I did the next best thing, broke a convicted thief out of prison and let her steal it for me! Literally took five minutes. I'm such a genius."

"And you didn't try to kill me in Lowee because it was populated?" I hypothesize.

"Hmm? Nah, I just didn't know who you were. That and my job was to retrieve some Guild info about you. Name, occupation, criminal record, all that business."

Should have seen that coming. "That sounds like something Neptune would do. But... You keep talking about rifts..."

"Yeah, that's my little book fairy dudette named Croire. Surprised you know about them, considering they're only open for seconds at a time. Unless you mean the bigger, more uncontrolled ones."

"We do." IF was now pointing her katar at Neptune from behind her. "Spill before your blood does."

"Jeez, I just wanted to explain my motive, didn't know this was an interrogation. Look, those more uncontrolled rifts aren't my doing. Croire doesn't have that kind of power, or at least not while in my NepNote. Is that enough for you?"

I shrug. "Sure. We were at the part where you're trying to kill me."

Neptune pointed at me in realization. "Riiiiight. Again, nothing personal. Just business."

I nodded. "Same to you. Iffy, you ready?"

"Always, Kopey." She smiled, before backflipping over our joint enemy to land next to me. "That coffee gave me a lot of energy to burn. And I don't know if you know this, but I do like myself some fire spells." She stated as Neptune jovially got into a battle stance.

Koei and IF

Vs.

Neptune (Ultradimension?)

Ready?

FIGHT!

We stood, staring each other down before Neptune reached into her pocket and- SHIT

Shoving IF to the floor, I dived in the opposite direction as Neptune pulled out a fucking pistol and started firing. Thankfully due to my quick reflexes, neither of us were shot.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked, before getting a deadpan stare from both IF and Neptune.

"Dude." Neptune said simply. "I'm an interdimensional mercenary who specializes in cross-dimensional missions. Why the fuck would I not have at least a gun?"

"That and you have two yourself." IF added.

I stared back. "And now the element of surprise is gone." I pulled out Peace and fired off a few shots, forcing Neptune out of the entrance as I got back up.

"So you were intending on using Peace and Tranquility on me!" Neptune yelled as she rushed back in, swiftly dodging my shots as she closed the distance, the glint on her left arm tipping me off on her intention.

"Well, mostly as a distraction because I can't aim, but yes!" Ducking under a katana swipe, the feel of cold metal on my right arm stopped me from countering. Looking back up, Neptune had gripped the arm I had Peace in with her gauntlet-clad hand.

"You really need to work on your aim, Koei... Demon Flame!" IF cast, forcing Neptune to let go, shoving me to the ground as flames erupted from the ground. "Or just stick to being a Spellblade."

"Having variety got me this far, didn't it?" I asked, swiftly dodging a punch from Neptune as I fired a few shots of Peace, one actually nailing her in her left arm, forcing her down to one knee as she held it.

"Dammit! It's like that bullet had a freakin' taser in it!" Neptune forced her metal fingers to pull out the bullet before tossing it aside, it apparently not penetrating her skin enough to cause a wound. Getting back up, she pulled out a katana, the Neptune stap- why does she have two.

Spinning the twin blades around, Neptune smugly grinned. "Most thieves stick to daggers and I don't blame them. They're small, portable and easily dual-wieldable. Katanas are none of these, but I like the challenge!" She charged, preparing to slice overhead with both blades. I countered with Serenity, but the strength of both blades combined was enough to force the blade away. Thankfully it was enough to stop the katanas from striking, but barely.

"Dammit Iffy, back me up here!" I yelled as I continued to counter Neptune's barrage of blades, before eventually giving up on waiting for her and countering her myself with a punch to the stomach during a brief moment of weakness. Neptune collapsed to the floor in pain, not expecting the dirty shot to her organ.

"Ugh..." She moaned as I took a moment to breathe, looking around the warehouse for IF. But she was nowhere to be found.

"I-Iffy?" I ask, worry in my voice as I started to jog outside, the immediate threat dealt with. She was still gone.

"I... She's gone?" I fell to my knees. I got so caught up in the fight that I forgot about Linda, who probably smacked Iffy with her pipe while looking for a chance to strike.

"And that is the magic of friendship." Neptune wheezed, still clutching at her stomach, lurched over as she walked up next to me.

I responded in the most reasonable manner possible. Spinning around, I slammed my clenched right fist into her face, knocking her over as I stepped on her chest and pulled out Peace again, aiming for her face.

"Where is she?" I asked simply.

Neptune was silent for a moment, aside from the groaning. "W-well, remember what I said?"

"I don't have time for guessing games. Neither do you if you don't want to see if my sword can penetrate a skull." I threatened. I was beyond pissed, not just at the purple lump currently beneath my feet, but at myself for being so dense as to fall for this shit.

"You're no fun." Neptune pouted, not taking her own life being threatened seriously. "My job was to kill and or delay you. All I needed to do was get you out of Lowee for a while. Bonus points if I could get that Guild member too."

I dug my shoe into her chest. "This sounds great. Continue."

"I don't really need to." Neptune coughed, struggling to breath with the pressure on her. "You should be getting a call right about... Now."

As if on cue, my UI Gloves started ringing. Keeping Peace trained at her head, I used my other hand to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Koei! G-goodness, it's awful!" Nepgear's panicked voice cried from the other end. "Me and the other Candidates went to get more eggnog from the kitchen and now they're gone! Our sisters and Vert are gone! What do we do?!"

"I... Iffy's gone, too. Head to the Planeptune Basilicom, all of you. We'll figure things out from there." I said, before putting the phone down.

I looked down at Neptune, who simply had a shit-eating grin. "Mission complete. Now, if you'll excuse m- MPH."

I shoved Peace into her open mouth. "Okay. I'm done fucking about. You've taken my friends. You've taken my girlfriend. And pretty soon you're going to be taking the piss. Tell me who you work for, because it's about time I started adding names to my "To-Die" list."

I removed Peace from her mouth in order to let her breathe a little easier. "Uzume. Uzume Tennoboushi. Also that was overly edgy, even for someone of your caliber."

I took my foot off of Neptune as she got back up. "Alright. Until you tell me all of what you know, you're going to be under my watch."

Neptune looked at me. "What is stopping me exactly from pulling out my NepNote, getting Crosty and getting the hell away from you?"

I pulled out Serenity. "I assume your NepNote is made of paper, right?" With a thought, it started to glow red as it superheated. "Say, what does fire do to paper?"

Neptune looked around for a way for her to escape, before realizing that she had no real way to leave without risking her means of interdimensional travel. "Alright. Fine. You got me."

I blinked. "What?"

Neptune sighed. "Look, the truth is that I didn't want to fight you. I didn't want any of this to happen. But Uzume... She's threatening something of mine more important than my life. I had to work for her. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. I'm sorry about your friends, too." She put a hand on my shoulder. "You know a Neptune would never have any malice. For anyone. Believe me when I say that now that her plan is in action, I want to help you fight it."

I shoved her hand away from my shoulder. "Frankly, I don't fucking believe you as far as I can throw you." I state simply, anger coursing through my veins as I started to walk away.

"Koei. I know who you are. You know if you walk away from me, you're dooming Gamindustri to destruction. Everything will be alright as long as you emb-"

I pointed Peace right at her. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You're not allowed to say that. You have not earned the right to-"

Neptune took off Regality and threw it at me, landing at my feet. "Take it." she said simply, "That's an Artifact of Lastation, the genuine article. It wasn't just bait, Koei. You're going to need it."

Picking it up, it had been cleaned up since I saw it last, meaning that it looked more like an Artifact and less like a random piece of armor. Examining it, I eventually found the name etched around the ruby on the back of the hand. "Regality".

This was the genuine article. Putting it in my inventory, I simply had one thing to say. "Why?"

Neptune looked up at the decaying ceiling. "It's as you say, isn't it? Everyone deserves a second chance."

I put my hands in my pockets as I walked back towards Neptune. "I get it now. You're a clever one, aren't you."

Neptune gave a sad smile. "Well, when you've been the hero in as many versions of Gamindustri as I have... Well, you learn from failure. A lot. I'm sorry I couldn't help you more on your first playthrough." She put her hands in her pockets. "You did a lot of things right. You reformed villains before they could become threats, you befriended Iffy, even more than that."

"How did I go out, Neptune?" I asked simply.

"You stuck to your guns. You fought as hard as you could. A little too hard... Turns out the only person you couldn't give a second chance to was the most important of all."

I stayed silent for a few moments. "And you're sure I'm the only one who can save Gamindustri at this point?"

Neptune nodded her head. "I don't have Protagonist Aura in this timeline. Neither does Nep Jr. I'm sorry, Koei. I know this is a lot to take in."

I shrug. "This entire thing in general is. I've lost Iffy, the CPUs..."

Neptune put a hand on my shoulder. "Go find the Buckler of Graceful Hurricanes. the Oracle of Leanbox will be able to help you find it. Save your friends, then save the world."

Neptune proceeded to open a rift in space and leave before I could respond, leaving me with the Lastation Artifact in my inventory. Sorry Noire, but I think I will need this more than you will.


	30. Turning Up the Bass

**A/N:** **(Nepstation Theme)**

Welcome back to Nepstation, the only show on the Nepwork banned for on-stage drunkenness! I'm your host, Neptune and with me is my guest, world famous singer 5pb.!

*Note from the editor: This episode was recorded prior to the CPUs being captured.

Pleasure to be here Neptune and this time I'm not just here to shill my new album, Deltawing! _Though you should buy it, I need another Platinum Record._

Oooh, as shameless as ever! Some foreshadowing as well. Well, would you like to do the mailbag?

Why? They're not _my_ fans.

Fiiiine.

**Ryan4ever2016: **It's not a self-insert power fantasy _without_ the Protag having to step up. Wait, how do I know I'd be captured at this point, wasn't this recorded prior to-

_The screen cuts to static for a few seconds. After the feed is restored, 5pb. is alone,_

W-Well, that was rather sudden. Guess I'll read out the other review and- _shit the bed_ that's long.

**YoshiChain:** Yeah, they gave me an advance copy of the novelisation. Total bullshit, fabrications everywhere and it just makes Koei look _competent_, the worst part of it all. Total isekai trash, I bet it'll sell millions. _Anyway_, there are alternate Koeis, that means there's alternate mes! Imagine if we all made an idol group!

One thing they got right was how angry he was though, _fuck._ Don't mess with his girlfriend. Or his booze. Or Planeptune. Or call him fat. Or…

Oh, we're out of time for now. Thank you for listening to Nepstation, and shine bright my Dimension Trippers! 5pb. out!

* * *

Opening up my UI Gloves, I called the last number that rang me, Nepgear. A few moments later, she picked up, the sound of rushing air filling my ear.

"G-goodness Koei! I'm kinda flying to Planeptune at the moment, could it wait?" Nepgear was flustered, but otherwise fine.

"Change of plans, at least for me. I'm heading off to Leanbox to find Grace. Get to Planeptune and guard Progression with your life. I'll be needing it soon. Koei out." I explained before putting down the phone and quickly heading back to the Basilicom.

* * *

Arriving, Kei was already there for me, tapping her foot impatiently. "The other Oracles called me, don't explain a thing." She put a hand up before I could even speak up. "As Oracle, I grant you permission to wield Regality."

I blinked. "I need permission?"

Kei opened up a screen on her own UI Gloves, scrolling down a very long document before stopping randomly. "Not really, but as an Oracle, one of my many, many, _many_ duties is to ensure the safety of any and all holy relics. This includes the Sharicite, the CPUs themselves and Regality, the gauntlet used by the ancient hero to fight off a gigantic, scaleless drake. As you might imagine, something that powerful needs to be guarded."

I stared at her. "I found it in a derelict factory."

Kei shrugged. "The previous "owner" bought it before I was the Oracle. If I had been running things at the time, I would have declined their absurd wish. After they were shut down, I assumed that the gauntlet would still be with them. Alright, hold out your hand."

I complied, holding out my right hand, standing for a moment or two before Kei sighed. "Put the Gauntlet on first."

Rolling my eyes, I put the offending armor on as Kei hovered a crystal above it, causing the ruby inside to glow as she murmured some ancient words or other. Seconds passed as the glow gradually faded as Kei put it back in her pocket. "There."

I blinked. "What."

"Your gauntlet is now activated. It should serve as sufficient defense in your fight, being made of an ore from ancient Gamindustri called Omegasidian. May Black Heart be with you and... Good fortune to you." Kei saluted, giving a ghost of a smile as she walked back in, closing the door behind her.

I meanwhile, just inspected my now glove-clad hand. Omegasidian, huh? What a _dumb _name, but it looked rather kickass, now having gold trim under the joints, running up and down the armor like blood through veins. After admiring it for a few minutes, I put it back in my inventory, not wanting to have it stolen again.

"Thanks, Kei." I said simply, before leaving for the subway. We had our differences, but Lastation was nice enough and Noire was the first CPU I met and how my journey truly started.

* * *

God I will never get used to how long the subway to Leanbox is. Thankfully it seems the news outlets haven't learned of the bad news yet, so I had some time before the public started panicking. That would be most inconvenient.

Walking out to the subway, I noticed someone who didn't quite match the Leanbox aesthetic holding up a sign saying "Koei Tech." above their head. Sighing, I walked over to her.

Looking up and down at 5pb., she was rather nervous, but still tried to smile. "K-Koei, was it?"

Nodding, I took the sign from her. "Kinda weird for the celebrity to be meeting me, but you know." I casually conversed, trying to lighten the awkward mood.

She rubbed her head. "Yeah, but I did owe you one from what happened the last time I was here. That and Cave is busy trying to find some escaped convict or other and the Oracle has locked herself in Vert's room, vowing to protect her hentai, whatever that means."

I visibly wheezed, trying not to laugh. "Ah, I know this should be a serious situation, but that's _hilarious_."

"It is." She agreed. "Anyway, you're here for Leanbox's Artifact? I used it as a reference on my latest album cover, so I know where it is, roughly."

"Lead the way." I gestured, as she started walking. We got a few weird looks, but nobody approached us. "Still, your latest album?"

She nodded. "The idol crap's great and earns me a ton of money, that much is true. But my real passion lies with British power metal."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "I uh. Excuse me?"

She turned around, tilting her head innocuously. "You know, Britain. That weird-ass continent where all the "kings" are female knights."

Well. It's official. "Oh god, I got drugged by pumpkin spice again, didn't I? Strange, that eggnog did not taste of pumpkin..." I put my head in my hands, groaning all the while.

"Wait, that happened to you too!?" 5pb. removed my hands, staring at me with her magenta eyes. "A few days ago, I had some pumpkin spice beer I imported from Leanbox after a concert. I woke up 12 hours later with no recollection of what happened other than a new idea for a song."

I blinked. "Huh. Guess we had the same drug trip. I'll tell it to you one day. Fun story, it features short skirts and explosions." I gestured again. "Buuut we're running on a bit of a timer here."

She stepped back in horror. "Bollocks!" She said in a distinctly British tone, before clearing her throat. "R-right, we need to get going." She started to power walk out of the station and I followed suit.

As I caught up to her, I could see her furious blush. "So uh... What was that whole thing just a moment ago?"

Still blushing, she avoided my gave. "I-I'm not exactly the famed Leanbox-born idol everyone thinks I am, alright? Off the stage, I sometimes slip into that part of me. Keep it between us, right?"

I nodded. "Koei isn't even my real name. Just something I made up on the day I came here to get my ID."

5pb. giggled. "USS Helena Hood Jr. isn't a great stage name, so I had to settle for something more marketable, like Lyrica! Koei Tech is a cute name, at least!" She complimented.

"Thanks. I'm taken, but thanks." I say before she started flirting any harder.

"It'd never work anyway. Our relationship would be all over the gossip and that'd just be painting a target on you." She put a hand on my shoulder for a moment before realizing what she did and taking it off in embarrassment.

"Right, so the Artifact?" I try to move the topic along.

She clapped her hands together. "RIght! That! Well, Lady Vert told me it was located in the Basilicom for a time for a celebration, but it was moved back to the location it rests in Kinset Range, guarded by a powerful guardian spirit called the Deltawing." She exposed excitedly as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a jewel case. "I said I used it as the basis for my latest album cover!"

She handed me the aforementioned case, which was very beautifully detailed, with 5pb. standing before an enormous green bird-shaped silhouette, a sword in one hand and a gold and green shield on her other.

"Deltawing." I read the album title as I gave her back. "Pretty dumb, but not as dumb as Omegasidian."

She shrugged. "I wanted an Omegasidian pick, but due to it being scarce, any raw Omegasidian left in Gamindustri is under heavy guard. Hell, it's rumoured to be unrefined Sharicite. Course, nobody knows if that's the case and it's illegal to do anything but look at it unless you have express permission and supervision from all four CPUs."

"Dangerous shit." I mutter. "I assume your pick is still something pretty awesome, right?"

She nodded, shaping her right hand into the classic bull-horn shape. "Hell yeah it is! My grandmother gave me a scale said to be from a Prime Dragon and whenever I use it, I feel this power building up inside me. If it wasn't for the fact that it's pretty unstable, I wouldn't need Cave around to defend me."

I put a hand to my chin. "Have you tried investing in a _gun?_"

She shook her head. "Not very Idol-like if I just pulled out a 357. Magnum and fired a hollow point at someone." After a moment of awkward silence she continued. "I did a lot of research on what sort of gun would be portable enough to hide in my skirt without it looking like I was happy to see my fans, if you catch my drift. I can hold my own now without extra weaponry anyway."

My interest was piqued. "Oh?"

"This was a few months ago, during my last big tour. Lady Green Heart very generously let me tour around the other Nations, as her Shares were the highest anyone had ever seen and she wanted to give the others a fair shake. Ended up with a horde of fans after me and I had to duck into a hole in the wall bar. Owner was the nicest guy and let me hole up there until IF came along to pick me up. Think his name was Lance? Either way I signed a glass for him before I went to go do that show. I'll have to go back at some point and get _wasted_ after a concert."

I smiled. "Sounds like a plan. Any idea where it is?"

She scratched her head, as if trying to dig up the information. "Somewhere in Lastation, but I couldn't tell you where. I think the place was called Haven?"

"Alright. Don't know what that had to do with holding your own, though."

"Well, you gotta give credit where credit's due. The people you inspire tend to do great things and should be thanked whenever possible. I wouldn't be who I was without my fans, for instance! But yeah, don't worry about me, I can use my guitar as a blunt weapon if I _have_ to." Her voice lowered to a murmur. "Getting them replaced is a _fucking bitch_ though…"

"Fair enough." I noticed that we've long since left Leanbox, starting to climb up and around a giant chasm, the green pasture giving way to orange rock and sand as I looked around. "Is this Kinset Range? I don't see any giant bird-like things flying about."

5pb. put her arms to the back of her head. "Well, of course it wouldn't be flying around randomly. People have guns. Wouldn't be much of a guardian spirit if any pleb with a hunting rifle could take it down."

"Fair point." I looked around for the local wildlife as I contemplated my options, before a shadow flew over us, an unholy screech emanating from it as it thudded in front of us, moulting some feathers as it did. "And now I think it's noticed us."

A malicious glint formed in 5pb.'s eye. "You know, it's been a while since I've been able to fight without Cave trying to interrupt me. Love her to pieces, but sometimes a girl just wants to be excessively violent, ya know?"

I took a step away from her as she got her guitar out, wielding it like a blunt object as I pulled Serenity out myself, twirling it as I braced myself for a full on beatdown.

**Koei and 5pb.**

**Vs.**

**Deltawing**

**Ready?**

**FI-**

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" A battle cry sounded as an unknown figure dropped in to kick the Deltawing in the face, causing it to fly into a nearby wall with a shriek of pain as it fell to the ground. Making a three point landing as the dust settled, her skintight armor and blonde hair tipped me off as to who it was instantly.

"P-Peashy?" I exclaimed in surprise as I started coughing, the dust entering my mouth. As if on cue, she turned around, causing her... assets to bounce with her movement.

"Oh hey, it's you!" She smiled warmly, stopping short of giving me a big tiddy onee-chan hug which was good for my lungs.

5pb. understandably looked confused. "I uh... Who?"

"We gotta go, Kopey! Ploot's holdin' them off the best she can!" She exclaimed, motioning to her back. "Hop on!"

I blinked. "No? What happened, anyway? Let me call Nepg-"

**CANNOT CONNECT TO LASTATION SERVERS**

What? Are the servers are down _again_? "Kinset Range and the nearby village are famous for not having a Guild due to the Deltawing's protection. Makes sense there wouldn't be a signal here."

A shadow fell over us as the Deltawing got back up, seeming mostly unharmed from the dropkick. Looking down at us, it stared as 5pb. started to strum, turning to me with a "I got this" look.

_O Great Protector Deltawing_

_With the protection you bring_

_We ask for your assistance_

_To get us to the Planeptune resistance_

_May your wings carry us home_

_To the nation with the Tome_

With that final line, 5pb. stopped strumming, looking up at the great guardian with an understanding smile. In response, the Deltawing nodded, flattening its body as 5pb. got on. "Come on, Deltawing can leave Kinset Range for a bit."

I got on without a word, as the avian took off, with Yellow Heart following behind the tailwind. During the downtime, I just had one question. "The fuck?"

5pb. beamed widely as she turned around to face me. "Just a little ancient ditty I learned when I was learning the Bard class. Generally Guardians understand you if you're able to play their theme."

I nodded. "Fucking sweet, but what about Grace?"

5pb. patted the creature's head and whispered something into its ear. With a resounding caw, it sped up towards Planeptune, which was now visible in front of us. "She'll lend you Grace when we land!"

Giving a thumbs up, I prepared for the real fight to begin as we approached the bustling metropolis, or at least that was how it was before we got closer and the scars of battle started to reveal themselves, like blemishes on someone's face.

"Shit. Things are going down." I mutter, the rushing air drowning out my quiet mumblings as we got ever closer, small dots appearing as their figures became more and more clear. It seems that Nepgear and the other Candidates were defending Planeptune as well as they could, as well as...

"YES! SCREAM MORE YOU MISERABLE INSECTS!" Iris Heart's voice called out above the sounds of battle, the anguished screams of the faceless horde serving as an accompaniment to her pleasured moans.

"Don't worry about the sadist. She's on our side. I think." I reassured 5pb. who had that deer in the headlights look before the Deltawing neatly landed on a clear patch of grass near the Basilicom as we got off, Yellow Heart landing nearby. I smiled at the bird and bowed gratefully as a green light shone above it, the Buckler of Graceful Hurricanes landing on the ground.

Picking it up, I inspected the tastefully decorated shield. Green and gold were the main colours , the metal gleaming off of the afternoon light and the green providing a nice contrast as it crossed like DNA around the perimeter of the shield as a large emerald shone in the center. Flipping it over, "Grace" was rather predictably engraved on the back of it, it being a rather simple design with two leather straps to put your arm in, as shields work generally.

Putting my arm through it, I looked up at the Deltawing and saluted. It gave a screech before taking off again, back to Leanbox presumably.

Well, now that I was back in Planeptune-

You have: 1 missed call from: Nepgear.

"Uh, Koei? There's an army of monsters approaching..." Nepgear's worried voice came from the gloves' speakers, not even waiting for me to put a glove to my ear. "They're... Different from what I've fought before. Me and the other Candidates will fight them off the best we can, but your help would be greatly appreciated. Oh goodness! Uni, watch ou-"

The line went dead. With a solemn nod, we ventured forth into Planeptune towards the fight.

* * *

The Deltawing could have landed us closer, christ. Took a solid few minutes just to get to the Basilicom, then another few to get to the actual battle, where the untransformed Candidates were struggling to hold off a horde of strange creatures with dark pink-ish auras that did not look like anything I'd seen in Gamindustri before. Demonic looking unicorns, bipedal turtles, giant robots-

Well, I've fought those before. Just not ones that big. A whip-sword wrapping around one of the robot's arms before tearing it off, followed up by a kick to the back of the head to knock it over, causing it to explode as it hit the ground. Maniacal laughter erupted from the exploding corpse as Iris Heart found her next victim.

"I am 60% sure that she's on _our_ side." I tried to reassure everyone here, but that was a pretty big failure. "Just try not to get in her way?"

Murmurs of agreement came from the assembled group as I pulled out Serenity and started swinging at the other side, decapitating a turtle in the process as I kicked their soon to be data body into the crowd to hold them off. Realizing that this was a war of attrition and not necessarily one of high firepower, I fell back, freezing a few enemies as I retreated to Uni, who was on one knee, going from target to target, headshotting each one in succession with nary a word as more yelling came from the enemy crowd.

"Only Peashy would be this excited about imminent violence." I sigh as the dual-clawing CPU dived into the crowd, tearing apart monsters with ease as I looked at 5pb., connecting an audio jack to her guitar, the other end of which extended way into the Basilicom. Whatever she was planning, it was going to be big.

"Ah Koei, there you are!" Nepgear ran up to me, relieved to see me but clearly dishevelled. "I've been organizing the citizens ever since the alert went out and Histoire got some backup from Ultradimension. I'm no leader, though. If only Neptune was here..."

I put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle rub. "It's alright, it's rough on us all. If you want, I'll take over getting everyone to safety. You help out the other Candidates and keep me posted if anything happens."

She shook her head. "I've looked up and down Planeptune, it seems everyone's safe for now in Celestia. Go see Histoire, she was asking for you."

With a curt nod, I headed off to the Basilicom to see the Oracle.

* * *

Going up the elevator, Histoire was waiting for me, herself dishevelled and I even saw her pages frayed a little. "K-Koei!" She rushed over to me. "It's awful, the CPUs are gone, monsters are swarming everywhere and my habit of stating things in threes has gone on the f-f-fritz!" Histoire visibly sparked for a moment as she tilted a little bit. Needless to say she's a little frazzled.

"Right. So what's the plan?" I crossed my arms, knowing that whoever was behind this wanted Planeptune destroyed.

"There... There is no plan." She admitted. "Planeptune is in a crisis beyond my wisdom. Without Neptune-"

"What about Neptune? Isn't half of your time spent trying to get her to do something?"

Histoire rubbed her temples. "Right. But in a case such as this, she would at least take her duties seriously. But without her here..."

"We have NepG." I reasoned.

Histoire shook her head. "Koei, the CPU Candidates aren't ready for this sort of responsibility. Neither are you, if I must be honest."

I slammed my hands on the table. "We're not ready? Histoire, we don't have a frigging choice at this point! The enemy is at our gate! We either fight or we die!"

Histoire sighed. "Koei... Alright. I'll trust you with leading the defense of Planeptune. I was never one for military strategy regardless. Mina on the other hand... Beneath those glasses lies the reincarnation of Sun Tzu."

I shuddered. Maybe it was for the best I never saw her in person. "Right, before I go, I got some intel on someone called... Uzume Tennoboushi?"

Histoire froze. Completely. Her eyes glazed over as her body didn't move a muscle. "U... Uzume?" She fainted dead on the spot, her book falling on the ground with her.

"Histoire!" I yelled, scooping her book up with her and taking her to a nearby bedroom. Thankfully her bed was there and I tucked her in with her tome. Seems that name triggered something in her and overloaded her memory.

"It's alright Histoire." I stroked her head gently before getting back up to rejoin the fight. "Planeptune will be safe in my hands. I swear my life on it." Slinging Serenity over my shoulder, I walked out of the bedroom and back into the elevator, resolve restored as it slid down the shaft. Down at the bottom floor of the Basilicom, I looked for the most heavily guarded room and headed towards it, with the guards understandably blocking it off with spears.

"Halt. Only Lady Purple Heart and authorized personnel may enter." He stated simply.

I stared him in the face. "Lady Purple Heart is currently kidnapped and I'm going to pull rank."

Flipping their spears to point at me, they advanced. "Pulling rank is strictly forbidden per Planeptune law, citizen."

Pulling out my Staff ID, I showed it to the guards. "Histoire is currently unconscious, Nepgear is currently fighting for her life just outside and Neptune is as said, kidnapped. As I stated, I **am** pulling rank and getting in my way **will** result in some harsh words to the big lady up top."

Standing still for a moment, they put their spears back. "Very well. You may access the Pudding Room."

Wait. "So this isn't the room where Planeptune's Artifact lies?" I point in there. "You'd think an ancient powerful artifact would have security like you guys!"

The guards started laughing hysterically. "Of course! That's the point! If some thief wastes their time and actually managed to get past us, all they'd find is Purple Heart's pudding supply! She might be upset for a few hours, but better that than something else, right?"

I crossed my arms. "She asked you to do this, didn't she?"

The guard sighed. "Yeah... You'd think working for the Basilicom would be great and all, but all you do all day is stand around and look menacing. Should have gone into paperwork or something... At least Purple Heart herself is nice enough to work for?"

I nod. "Right, but the Artifact?"

The guards pointed to a different room. "Right there. Don't worry, she told us to let you take it just in case of something like this. Girl might be dense but she knows how to plan for everything..."

"Thanks" I say before heading to the appropriate room. "Much appreciated."

It was as you expect for a room containing an Artifact. All fancy like with several pictures of famous Planeptune heroes around. Neptune, Nepgear and Histoire were all there at least, with plaques etched underneath them, but as I walked through, I saw something off. A door handle, barely visible in the dim lighting of the purple room. Still, I had a ring to get. Walking up to the podium that held Progression, it was resting on a royal purple pillow, shock of all shocks, surrounded by glass to stop any pleb from taking it. I wasn't just any pleb, however as I looked around for some way to unlock it.

A hand tapped me on the shoulder as the guard from before used his key to unlock the case, grabbing the ring and handing me it. "On behalf of Our Lord and Saviour Lady Purple Heart, I pray for your safety, as for those you fight for. Glory to Planeptune, Land of Purple Progress."

"Glory to Planeptune, Land of Purple Progress." I saluted, taking the ring and cementing my status. While my journey started in Lowee, I feel that as Planeptune is my home, it was about time to fight for it.

The guard left, leaving me with Progression in my gloved palm. It was finally mine, after all the time I had spent in Planeptune. Hell, even after fighting Neptune herself while she _had _the ring. Closing my hand, I steeled my resolve with a sad smile.

Neptune. Noire. Vert. Blanc... Iffy. I'll save you all, or I'll die trying. But still, that door... Walking towards it, I felt the handle's cold metal on my hand as I gave it a testing jiggle. Didn't seem locked, so...

Pulling down, the door opened outwards to reveal a staircase to the basement, barely lit by the small lamps inside. Closing it behind me to avoid suspicion, I took the stairs down, hearing the creak of wood beneath my feet as I descended the staircase to the room below.

Finally down the stairs, I looked around at the various computers around me, filled with scrolling text, too fast to read unfortunately. Stepping into the room itself cautiously, I saw more monitors, each with its own set of incomprehensible text. Eventually I found one with text, I could read. Walking up to it, I examined it.

_Cryostasis status: Stable_

_Lifesign status: Normal_

_Mental status: Unstable. Outside interference advised._

Cryostasis? The hell? Noticing a capsule with frosted over glass, I approached it carefully, wiping off the frost with my palm, finding a person inside. She looked about the same age as Nepgear, maybe slightly younger, with navy-blue hair descending down in twin pigtails. She wore a casual shirt that was unbuttoned, covering it with a tie with a strange square spiral on the bottom of it. Her arms were covered with sleeves, with fingerless gloves similar to my own on her hands and a strange device on her left wrist.

Unable to see any more due to the lack of glass, I stepped back to look around a little more. It was tricky due to the dimness of the compact room, but I found a dusty picture frame discarded on the floor. Picking it up and shaking it off, it was the same girl with Histoire with a plaque that confirmed what I had been thinking ever since I got the news that Planeptune was under siege:

**Uzume Tennoboushi, CPU of Planeptune welcoming new Oracle Histoire to the Basilicom**

She _was_ a CPU. But why was she frozen and alive? Hell, why was her name wiped from the history books?

A tremor from above indicated that I'd spent more than enough time dilly-dallying. I'm sure I'd find out the reason behind it all soon. Rushing back up the stairs, I shut the door behind me and got back out of the Basilicom to rejoin the fight.

* * *

Rushing back out of the Basilicom, everyone present turned to me nearly busting down the front doors of the Basilicom with shocked expressions. Suppose I overreacted a tad, then. Rom and Compa were helping heal up anyone who looked hurt, Compa even being in a typical pink nurse outfit while doing so. Cute touch.

Still, what were those tremors?

"Alright, slowly… _slowly_ this time." 5pb. was motioning for Uni and Nepgear, who were now transformed lowering a giant speaker to the ground. And I mean this thing was _huge_. The biggest speaker I ever saw was a stand up speaker I had at home that went up to my shoulders. This was easily the size of a room. And there was a second one a few meters away, though the ground was cracked around it. Guess that's where the tremor came from and I'm lucky it didn't go straight through to the basement.

"The fuck is this?" I motioned to the giant amplifiers as the candidates safely let go of the speaker, it solid on the ground.

"I think it's a speaker, Koei." Nepgear answered my rhetorical question, a crime punishable by death. "5pb.'s going to use her music to empower us in the upcoming battle! Isn't that great?"

I looked at 5pb., who had a malicious grin on her face as she tuned her guitar, before pulling out a pair of fingerless driving gloves. Something tells me she won't be playing _Dimension Tripper!_ tonight.

"Well, noise complaints aside, it's a pretty good idea." I nod, knowing that even if I disagreed it'd be too much of a pain to move back. "Where'd you get these, anyway?"

Nepgear waved her hand in a dismissive manner. "Oh, that's just from when I was experimenting with sound-based technology. I was seeing if I could build a weapon that fired sound waves. A safe way to incapacitate people without destroying buildings… Windows aside. Ended up having to drop the project after I blew out the Basilicom's windows with the feedback I generated."

I blinked. "I assume you _didn't_ get to finish that, then."

Nepgear shook her head. "I did. That was just the test fire of it. Put the project on hold until I could find a safe, windowless place to test it."

I grabbed Nepgear's shoulders and stared her in the face. "**YOU HAD A FUCKING DUBSTEP CANNON AND NEVER TOLD ME?**"

"W-Well, it never really came up. Also it's not a _dubstep ca-_"

"DON'T RUIN MY DREAMS!" I couldn't turn my volume down even if I wanted to. "Once this is over with, we _will_ finish that project and _we will fire dubstep at people!_"

Nepgear pushed me away gently, shaking a little bit. "A-Alright. I mean it's ready to go _now_, bu-"

My eyes widened. "Grab it. Now. I need to get this off my bucket list."

She nodded her head. "If you insist. I have a phone hooked up to it anyway, so music won't be a problem." She ran off into the Basilicom while I patiently waited for one of my dreams to come true.

"Ko-Ko, please don't blow out everyone's ear drums. Tinnitus is a pretty serious thing." Compa scared the bejeezus out of me as she spoke up from behind.

"Y-yeah… I'll keep the volume reasonable." I didn't want to wake up in an ice bath with a missing kidney. I swear, Compa could ask me to murder someone and I'd do it out of fear.

Nepgear quickly returned with a black leather wallet and a… thing slumped over her shoulder. Didn't look like any cannon I'd ever seen, considering it was square and angular, but it had a trigger on it so I guess it _was_ a cannon. Leaning it up against one of the speakers, she handed me the leather rectangle. "Here's what I've been using to test it. It seems the way I designed it that more _bassy_ music makes it work better. Mostly rock on this, though."

Huh, that sounds familiar. Opening up the case, what I saw shocked me to my core. Not the thing itself, it was just _a phone_ after all, but…

"NepG… This is _my_ phone!" I pushed a button on the side and a very familiar anime wallpaper lit up the screen. "It's my fucking phone! Where'd you find this?"

"G-goodness! I found it at the remains of a rift I explored a few days ago, along with a broken pair of earphones. If I knew this was yours…"

I hugged Nepgear in response. "It is _more_ than alright! Now I can contact my family aga- No signal! **FUCK!**" I punched the speaker the cannon was leaning on, hurting my hand a _lot_ as I did so. "_**FUCK!**_"

"Language!" Compa chided from a distance as I flipped through my phone. Yeah, the music was all still here. Weeb trash, some game OST I ripped from the Inter- Bought legally, even a Dragonforce album.

"A song with a lot of _bass_, eh?" I scrolled down the list of songs. I swore there was a few songs missing, but who would remember their entire collection of songs anyway. "How do I hook this thing up?"

"Bluetooth." Nepgear said simply, walking over to the "cannon" and flipped a switch. "There, should show up on your phone now."

I shot a thumbs as Nepgear returned to my side, curious at my phone. "It's fascinating to me that your world had technology like this." She said to me as I kept looking through my playlist.

"Nepgear, it's a _phone._ God's sake, I didn't come from the '90s, _everyone_ has a phone now." I snark back. "Hell, doesn't Iffy have like 20 of these?"

"That's different, really. Different service providers for each Nation. She used to complain about her phone bill all the time before the Guild started paying for it… Why is there a unicorn on there?" She pointed to a song cover featuring one Starlight Glimmer, the _best pony_.

"Unicorns are fucking metal." I stated simply, still scrolling through my phone. Alright, so I had a bit of a _phase_ when I first became a legal adult. "I'm never going to learn if Starlight and Trixie actually get together now, am I?"

Nepgear blinked. "Didn't think you'd watch a little girl's show. You know Neptune will _never_ let you hear the end of it if she finds out. Or IF."

Personally I thought IF would be into My Little Pony. Seems right up her alley. "Alright NepG, hoist me up there. I wanna give a rousing speech to my troops. Also Histoire left me in charge of defense. Slipped my mind."

Nepgear nodded and transformed, lifting me up to one of the speakers before putting me down gently. I cleared my throat, but it was drowned out by the chatter of everyone present. Seriously, this was like a battalion. Between the CPU Candidates, the two Ultradimension CPUs, Compa, 5pb., even Nisa and that slutty knight I saw yesterday were here, so I shouldn't have been surprised by that.

Plan B. Taking a bottle of beer out of my inventory, I took a long drink, before realizing I'd need to be _conscious _for this, so I threw the bottle at the ground. The shattering glass caught everyone's attention finally as I let the silence linger for a moment.

"Ladies and… Other ladies. If I could say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker."

You could _hear_ the crickets from that. "Seems everyone's heard _that_ joke before. Well, whatever." I started to pace around the large amplifier, arms behind my back. "Look, it's not exactly sunshine and rainbows at the moment. The CPUs have been kidnapped. We're under siege from a threat never seen before in Gamindustri and we're the only ones who can stop her. I'll be honest, I shouldn't have been the first choice. Nor the second… Or the third… Or the fou-"

"We get it, you suck!" Uni jeered. "Get on with it!"

"For the record, I don't suck, I blow." I snapped back as I flipped the bird at her and continued despite the laughter from the crowd. "Regardless, Histoire has trusted me with Planeptune's safety. That means that I have to step up to the plate and save Gamindustri myself. Now obviously, this isn't a one-man operation. That's why you're all here. That or the Guild sent out an alert about monsters attacking Planeptune and you just want that sweet, sweet Credit. Doesn't matter, don't answer that, we all have our vices. The point is, we're here for one reason: To _fight_ for Planeptune- no, _Gamindustri's _future! I may not be of this world, but my home is in Planeptune and I _will_ fight for it! Who's with me?"

Silence. Again. I sighed loudly. "Well, it's too late now anyway." I pointed my blade towards the second wave of monsters. "They're here and I'll have words with the Guild if you decide to leave no. Nepgear, the dubstep cannon."

"It's not a dub-"

"**IT'S A FUCKING DUBSTEP CANNON.**"

Nepgear's turn to sigh now, as she floated up, device in hand. Hoisting it over my right shoulder, my finger found its way to the trigger as I queued up one song in particular.

"It's time to **drop the fucking bass.**" I said simply, before starting to play the song I intended to kick ass with.

**(Current Song - Riot - Overkill)**

The monologue of a robotic sounding woman reading system specs filled my ears as I narrowed my eyes into a glare and lined up the cannon. If it worked anything like it did in Saints Row 4, it'll act as a sonic-based rocket launcher, firing bass explosions into the crowd, so having it near my allies? Bad idea.

The music picked up as they approached, a guitar or something joining the noises.

"Operation: Overkill." I said mostly to myself, knowing it by heart as one of the few _good _dubstep songs after hearing it in a video a long time ago. It was kinda nostalgic having my phone back, listening to this song.

As the song carried on, I saw the faces of those who were charging. Probably less than 100 meters from our location, fully intent on storming the Basilicom and _possibly_ releasing Uzume, which wouldn't be good.

A loud roaring indicated that the song was a few seconds off of getting into the meat of things! Let's do this!

"**KILL! THEM! ALL!**" I screamed at the top of my lungs, adrenaline filling my blood as I _felt_ the hype.

**Then** the bass **DROPPED. HARD.** The recoil of the first wubs knocked me back as I dug in my heels, determined to keep my shots on target as the sonic blasts did their magic as swathes of monsters got massacred by them. As expected, Nepgear's tech worked perfectly as I rocked out as much as I could without affecting the trajectory of each blast.

What? It is a _really_ good song for dubstep! That and I kinda _was_ living one of my dreams, to be firing a dubstep cannon at a horde of monsters like this, so I was elated to say the least as a large bass drop released a laser and I swung the cannon, making the laser burn through the creatures like a hot knife through butter.

As the song stabilized from the "chorus" to the "bridge" of the second "verse" (I mean it's a _dubstep_ song, none of these terms really _apply_, but it's for narrative purposes so roll with it.) Nepgear flew within my view, taking care to avoid the wub blasts. "You uh… Doing alright there, Koei?"

The song resumed blasting before I could say anything, but I gave a curt nod before pointing to her, spotting an enemy flying in behind her. Obviously as I wasn't clear, she just looked on in confusion, so I forced her to move by pointing the cannon at her. Thankfully her reaction speed was faster than mine, as she dodged, the next bass drop nailing the enemy square in the face as I pointed the cannon back to the ground. I only had a minute or so left of the song and I didn't put it on repeat, so I had to take advantage of the final part of the song.

As the bass built up for the grand finale of the song, I felt the gun start to vibrate and heat up itself. In a rather unsurprising turn of events, the gun became too hot to handle as I tossed it into the crowd.

**(End Song)**

Not a moment later it exploded quite spectacularly as the music died with it. A shame, but I had to get in the fight myself at some point. Jumping off the speaker, I pulled out Serenity and Tranquility as the adrenaline kept flowing through me.

"Uh, Koei? You have an… _aura_ about you?" Nepgear pointed out helpfully as I looked to my feet. Yeah, translucent orange flame had surrounded me. In the hype of achieving one of my dreams…

"Guess I Awakened during that bass cannon rampage. I needed it anyway." I smiled as I saw a third wave of goons approaching, I got a call from… Kei?

"Koei. I have bad news." Kei sounded panicked for once. Shit must be serious. "Noire's returned."

I scratched my head. "How's that _bad?_"

"She's leading a group of monsters and attacking her own citizens. Something is _not_ right with her. She's approaching the Basilicom and I need backup. I can hold her off but she's a much better sword fighter than I am."

"Alright, I'll send someone to help. Maybe Uni could talk her out of it."

"Doubt it. Kei out." She hung up the phone as I got _another_ call. Aw fuck, I see where this is going.

"K-Koei!" Mina's voice was _far_ more panicked than Kei, unsurprisingly. "Blanc's on a rampage in Lowee! And this time I don't think it's because of bad reviews!"

"I'll send the twins over. If nothing else they can freeze her until we figure out a way to sort this out." I put the phone down as I got a third phone call.

"I'll send Nepgear." I said before putting it down, not even needing an explanation for the current events in Leanbox. "Uni, Rom, Ram, Nepgear."

The four approached me, Nepgear now back in her human form taking a drink of SP Charger. "Good news, your sisters are back. Bad news, they're wrecking havoc. Uni, take Lastation. Rom, Ram, take care of Lowee. Nepgear…"

She shook her head solemnly. "It'll break my heart to see Neptune in such a state. I'll go to Leanbox, it'll be faster than the subway anyway."

I nodded. "Me and the other Makers will take care of Planeptune in your steed." I saluted. "Unified by truth and justice…"

"Future knights we are!" Nepgear cheered as the other Candidates looked at us in confusion. "Despite not having pants, that was a _really_ fun night. Alright, I'll be off." In a flash she was back to Purple Sister and took off towards the south. Rom and Ram did likewise, heading north, leaving only Uni.

"Permission to speak freely, Commander?" She asked.

"Uni, just stick to Koei. I know you're the military type but it'll be _less_ weird that way. You're still technically my superior, after all."

She nodded in understanding. "Understood. Regardless, I think you're insane for trying to take on Neptune while she's like this."

I shrugged. "Someone has to. That and it'll be a tiebreaker round, so I'll be happy to prove myself as the superior fighter."

Uni sighed. "Don't get cocky. Hubris gets people killed. On _both_ sides of the conflict." With that she transformed, finally revealing her CPU form to the world and…

"Did… Did your boobs get _smaller?_" I pointed out the obvious to which I rightfully got slapped.

"Screw off. Flat is justice anyway, you should know that." She took off in a huff, carrying her _giant cannon_ with her. Yeah she'll be fine, but even if I was worried, I saw a very familiar face approaching.

I turned to the group behind me and gave a curt nod before turning back around and approaching Neptune herself. About a meter apart we both stopped, as did the horde.

"Koei." Neptune's tone more resembled her CPU form, despite being in her usual loli voice. "Today is the day you fall to my blade, as will Planeptune."

"Oh get that stick out of your ass." I crossed my arms as I tilted my head. "I know it's not really you there. Someone's pulling your strings, I can practically see them!"

She shook her head. "Uzume showed me her side and I was turned to the light. Gamindustri will turn against you too one day, Koei. Give up."

I pointed Serenity at her. "Over my dead body."

Neptune pointed her katana at me. "That's my intention, yes."

We stared each other down in silence, mentally preparing myself for this fight.

I made a promise to Histoire. I will fulfill it or die trying.

For the glory of Planeptune, Land of Purple Progress.


	31. I F F Y

**A/N: **It's over. It's fucking over. As of writing, the main story is complete. I have mixed feelings over this… But I'll wait until the story is over to elaborate.

For now… Why not, hey Neptune. Want to take care of the mail?

(Can do!) - Neptune

AIght. I'mma head out.

(... Oh my god he's actually fucking crying. - Neptune)

It's just a terrible day for rain. *sniff*

(Right. Onto the mail before this becomes a shitshow. More of one.

**Ryan4ever2016: **Yeah, Koei is certainly thing. Hopefully the reference to MLP is just a one off, it might alienate people otherwise.

**YoshiChain: **Hclegend? References? Pffft, absurd. (Though he has been reading a lot of HA-V3N lately.) Still, Sadie is quite the threat. Think Koei would go up against her? - Neptune)

THIS IS STILL T-RATED!

(Whatever! Oh shoot, I'm on in two! Catch you later! - Neptune)

Later. Alright, I'm better. _Mostly. _Might as well do some admin. As I said, the story **is** finished. I'm taking a break from writing to maybe focus on my other story, but **the next two chapters will be released over the next fortnight.** The _final_ chapter that serves an epilogue will be released on February 1st, a day after the finale.

Not long left.

Back to it.

* * *

Neptune stared at me, death in her dark pink eyes as I did the same. While the eyes were a _subtle_ tipoff that something was wrong with her, the purple aura that surrounded her _wasn't._ Either way, I had to fight her, lest she hurt Histoire or anyone else.

Granted I was going to duel a _physical goddess_ and that thought hadn't really occurred before, but- **SHITTING CHRIST**

My inner monologue was interrupted as Neptune suddenly charged at me, forcing me to be defensive as I swung Serenity to match the blade's position, trying to force the blade away as I played defensively. I had a stat boost while fighting in Planeptune _supposedly_, so I might as well try and take advantage of it. Realizing that her angle of attack was impenetrable, Neptune pulled herself back before flipping over me, attempting to strike my exposed back. Good thing she's tried that before, as I parried her attempted strike just in time as I ignored her distracting panty shot. This was serious, dammit!

Speaking of serious, I pulled out Peace and spammed a few shots at her, one nailing her in her flat chest causing some recoil, but she quickly bounced back afterwards. Not much more than a stun as I expected from a CPU as hardy as her, but it was enough to pull out my ace.

Quickly accessing my inventory, I pulled out Progression and it on my right ring finger. Just in time, as Neptune attempted to strike during my fumbling before a burst of lightning knocked her back. Giving a shit eating grin, I raised Serenity to the sky as purple lightning struck it, giving it the same sparking power as it did for our duel previously.

But now the lightning was on _my_ side. "I **am** the lightbringer." I said simply as I swung Serenity, unleashing waves of lightning at the possessed CPU who barely dodged the projectile attacks as she leapt towards me, intending to strike from above.

But I expected this, as indicated by Peace already being in my left hand, the purple power of Progression empowering the pistol as I shot Neptune square in the chest again, knocking her a pretty fair distance back as she landed with a _thud_, rolling across the ground. While it _was_ more powerful, I assume a lot of the damage there was from her being in midair at the time.

Slamming her free hand onto the ground, Neptune got back up and shook her head. She wasn't out of the fight yet, even with the advantage I had. Fine by me.

Taking a few potshots with Peace, I put it back as I gripped Serenity in both hands as I quickly swung upwards before she could strike, surprising her as the energy empowered slash nailed her in the chest once again, tearing at her jersey but not really doing any lasting damage.

"You're getting bold. Time to punish that arrogance." Neptune used a word I'd never thought I'd hear from her lips as she charged forward. "**Cross Combination!**" A series of sword slashes were countered by my own blade before a slash upwards knocked Serenity out of my hands as Neptune slashed down at my undefended face.

_Ting!_

Metal met metal as A familiar whip sword was now wrapped around Neptune's blade. "I must say, this fight has _excited_ me to a fever pitch." Iris Heart stepped into view before pulling Neptune's katana out of her hands. "Now that the _minors_ are gone, I can have some _fun_… Kopey, if you don't mind?"

I nodded without thinking as I stepped back, quickly turning around and heading towards Serenity before ducking back into the Basilicom. I saw death and pent up sexual frustration in those eyes and this _was still T-Rated, dammit!_

* * *

Closing the Basilicom's front door behind me, I breathed a sigh of relief. That _very nearly_ went pear-shaped, even if it meant that Neptune would get some _special treatment_ from the psychopathic sadist, it meant my face remained scar-free for another day.

Having nothing better to do, I went back to the room that previously contained Progression and looked back into _that_ room. If I wasn't going to be fighting, I might as well find out about this Uzume.

Heading down the stairs, I found myself back in the room full of computers and the cryostasis tube. Approaching one of the terminals, I tried to type something in only to be met with a warning message.

"DATA ENCRYPTED. PLEASE CONSULT MANUAL. Fuuuuuuuuck." I put my head in my hands as I groaned. Nothing could ever be _easy_ now, could it?

"Wait, is there someone down here?" Histoire's voice came from the stairs as she floated into view. "I thought access to this room was absolutely forbidden _to everyone._"

I shrugged. "Nobody stopped me the last time. I should have said something earlier, but you were…"

Hsitoire rubbed her small head. "Y-yes. I apologise if I caused you any distress. It seems those memories of Uzume were locked away." She looked at the monitor as her mouth became an O. "Oh! Give me a moment, I should be able to…" Floating over to the computer, she started to hit some keys, text appearing on the screen too fast to read. For a tiny book fairy, she sure has a hell of a WPM.

After a few minutes of typing, the screen changed to one that showed several logs. While I couldn't read much, Uzume's name cropped up a few times, as did Histoire and Uranus. "Yes, I see…" Histoire muttered as she continued to read and remember what happened. "I remember everything now. Koei."

I snapped back to reality after hearing my name. "Huh?"

"You've probably figured this out, but Uzume and I… We go back quite a while. She was the CPU of Planeptune when I first became an Oracle, but…"

"But?"

"Well as you might expect, _an incident_ happened. One that scarred Planeptune and caused a massive drop in Shares. Uzume felt nothing but shame and offered to freeze herself in cryostasis in exchange for wiping her off the records entirely, essentially making her time as CPU non-existent. No trace of her was left aside from here."

"And in LAN Castle." I nodded solemnly. "But nobody would go that far into the castle and even then… Well, the statue's plaque was wiped off too, just leaving the statue."

Histoire put a hand to her chin. "I didn't know that. Strange, I swore I wiped _all_ traces of Uzume Tennoboushi off the public and private records…"

I shrugged. "It was her CPU form that was the statue, not her human one. Probably some strange exception and again, doesn't really matter."

Histoire nodded her head in response. "A-Alright. But that doesn't explain why you're _down here._"

I crossed my arms. "The Nations are being invaded by both unknown monsters _and_ the CPUs. I have a suspicion that it was Uzume behind these attacks. An alternate Neptune tried to assassinate me on her orders too. Whoever she is, she wants blood."

Histoire nodded solemnly. "I see. Then this is a major crisis. Do you have Progression?"

I stuck out my ring finger. "Still got it equipped from my earlier fight with Neptune, who is being… _subdued_ by the Planeptune CPU of Ultradimension as we speak."

"YES! SCREAM FOR YOUR MISTRESS!"

"N-NEPU!"

Histoire shuddered. "Truly we have crossed a threshold if we consider _her_ to be a valued ally. Regardless, I'll have to trust you with Uzume herself, won't I?"

I put my hands in my pockets as I sheepishly looked away. "Yeaaaah, I don't actually _know_ how to get to her. I mean I could turn off the cryostasis cha-"

"Not a chance." Histoire stated firmly. "If she's attacking Planeptune already, releasing her physical form would lead to disaster." Floating over to the monitor with the status on it. She read it quickly. "Mental status… Unstable. I see."

"You see?"

Floating over to a cloth, she pulled it out, revealing a chair with a helmet attached to the top of it. "I was afraid this would happen one day, so I had Planeptune's top scientists design this chair. It will connect your mind to Uzume's, allowing you to explore her mind and heart in order to confront her directly."

"Seems like something out of Inception so far." I wave my hand in a "Go on" gesture.

"Well, I've never heard of this "Inception" but needless to say if you die in her dream, you'll have a cardiac arrest and…"

"Just like Inception, The Matrix, Tron, Sword Art Online..." I rattle off media that has used the "Most Dangerous Video Game" trope. "It's a pretty common thing."

Histoire sighed. "I wondered where the scientists got the idea from. Regardless, you should know the danger that Uzume possesses if she knows her world is a dream or simulation if she's somehow affecting the real world."

I walked over to the chair and sat down. "Yeah I get it, I've played Saints Row 4. Absolute power over reality, she could kill me with a thought, try to stay stealthy, let's get on with it."

Histoire sighed as she put the helmet on my head, floating over to a lever that presumably turned on the device. "I'll inform Neptune and the others once they come to. You'll have your equipment in there, but aside from that, you're on your own. Good luck, Koei."

With that she flipped on the machine and I _promptly tripped the fuck out._ I'd never really used VR, but something tells me this was _nothing like VR_ as I felt my mind melt before I blacked out very suddenly.

* * *

"Koei? Koeiiiii? Honeybun, come on, get up!" IF's voice roused me awake as I rubbed my head. Strange, I don't _remember _drinking last night. Why do I feel like someone knocked me out?

Regardless, I rolled out of my double bed, following the voice into the kitchen. Looking around, my now fiance was cooking breakfast in her new Planeptune Purple jacket, a lily replacing her usual leafy hair decoration. "Mornin' honeybun!" She smiled at me warmly as she went back to cooking. I briefly caught a glimpse of a gold ring on her left hand, rather appropriately decorated with an amethyst and emerald in the shape of a heart, implying that a Leanboxian and Planeptunian found love despite their differences.

I can remember _that_ but not what the fuck happened to me last night. My brain works in weird ways, I swear. Looking at the clock on the wall, I gasped. "Bugger! No time for breakfast, darling!" I gave her a peck on the cheek as I started to head towards the door.

"Your jacket and hat are on the door! Have a lovely day, honeybun!" She yelled at me happily as I grabbed said purple jacket and matching hat and put them on, adjusting the cap to better fit on my head as I left the apartment we shared.

Walking out of the apartment tower, I breathed in the air of my new home, the shining utopia greeting me and making me remember that this was my lovely home.

**(Current Music - Sailing of a Daydream - Megadimension Neptunia VII)**

Taking a quick look around, I remembered I was going to be late to work as I headed off to the Basil- wait, wrong place. Shaking my head, I headed in a direction that seemed random, but was on my mental checklist as my new workplace.

Planeptune itself was bustling with life as I saw people out and about in their daily lives, nary a fuck to give in the world. Why would they? The place was a utopia with the recent change in management making waves throughout the Nation.

Lady Purple Heart had stepped down officially, opting to retire and become a local celebrity among her citizens, acting as more of an adventurer for hire than a Goddess. This allowed Lady Lilac Heart to step up and lead Planeptune to a grand new future. Of course NepG would end up as head CPU one day, it only made sense.

I realized I was at my place of work when I reached the large double doors of a recently constructed military base. Two Basilicom guards stood in front of it, weiling the latest in Planeptune/Lastation firearms to ward potential trespassers away. I wasn't one of those, as I flashed my Staff ID and stepped aside without a word as I headed into work.

The base was bustling with more life than usual for some reason. Sure there was the Planeptune Special Forces, a military group dedicated to doing Guild work that was too much for normal adventurers, but there were also more… _females_ than I remember, not dressed in Planeptune uniforms, but in various odd outfits. Whatever, sure my secretary will explain once I get to my office.

Some half-hearted greetings to my subordinates later, I was at the door of my office. "Koei Tech: Commander in Chief." The plaque read proudly in gold. I must admit it was more of an ego booster than anything else, hence why I insisted on using some of my paycheck on it.

Unlocking the door, I opened it up and entered my officer. A large wooden desk with a desktop and various bits of paperwork laid on it with a large purple leather chair at the back. Various filing cabinets full of boring paperlook were scattered around the place, but it was clean despite that.

Sitting down, I did my daily routine of checking my email, followed by sorting through any new paperwork I had received since yesterday. Ah, this was the life. A loving fiance, a steady job as the head of Planeptune's military and I'm buddies with the top brass at Planeptune so any insane requests I had for Lady Lilac Heart would be at least checked out by her.

Most of the time she rejected said proposals, such as the one for a dubstep based defense system for the Basilicom, but sometimes she'd do something like approve a plan to cross Planeptune's advanced technology with Lastation's military might to develop brand new weaponry never seen in Gamindustri before. Truly we live in blessed times!

A ringing from my desktop interrupted me. Taking the call, a girl with red hair and eyes with black hair ribbons appeared on the screen. "Commander, I have news for you."

I scratched my head. "That's great uh… You?" I genuinely forgot who the hell this was. I'd forgotten everything before this morning, but remembered a lot of things as I woke up. "Sorry, my memory isn't quite what it used to be."

The girl sighed dramatically, her pigtails bobbing. "I'm Kotori? You know, the commander of Fraxinus? We met yesterday after the rift between our worlds opened up?"

I guess _that did happen_. "That explains the giant fucking spaceship in Planeptune's airspace. Long as Lilac Heart pays for parking…"

She stuck a lollipop into her mouth, the end sticking out like a cigarette. "Yes, yes. We talked extensively about the deal between our armies. You help us with Kurumi, we help you with Starlight."

I blinked. "Starlight?"

She put a hand to her face. "You _really_ don't remember? We had a briefing just yesterday. It lasted for over an **hour.** I'll give you a brief rundown… _Fucking numbnuts._" She muttered under her breath as images popped up of girls, each one labelled. "Yesterday at about 15:00, several rifts opened up both in Gamindustri and Tengu City. As it turns out, these weren't the only worlds connected, as we got reports that a naval base comprised of shipgirls was assaulted by one Monika."

An image of two girls dueling on the sea appeared, one of a blonde woman in a union jacket armed with _way too many cannons_ and a red-headed girl with a ponytail somehow floating in the ocean, her body corrupted and glitch-like. "Fortunately HMS Hood was able to hold her off until the rest of the fleet could mobilize, but she took heavy damage in the process and is currently out of commission. At the same time…"

Another image loaded, this one of a purple and cyan haired young woman wielding a staff unleashing purple meteors as Lilac Heart shot at them. "One Starlight Glimmer invaded Planeptune with the intention to destroy it. Thankfully Lilac Heart, _your boss if you don't remember_." She emphasized that part just to annoy me, judging by the smug grin on her face. "Managed to force her to retreat without her entering Planeptune's airspace. Turns out she's a powerful archmage despite her looks and disappeared in a flash of light when she was about to be captured. Now, onto Uzume… Sorry, she goes by Kurome now…"

The military talk was interrupted by someone kicking in my office door, knocking it off its hinges as Nepgear- sorry, Lilac Heart furiously walked towards me. Oh god, what did I do this time?

"Koei!" She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard. "You _have_ to wake up! Now!"

I blinked. Of all the things I had heard today, this was the weir- **OW**

I rubbed the cheek where she had slapped me. "We **DO NOT **have time for your damn monologues! You're falling for her delusion!"

_Her…. Delusion?_ She pulled Peace out of my pocket… somehow. "Screw it, you'll thank me later. Sorry Koei, but we don't have time for this!"

She pointed Peace at my face and fired.

And then I woke up.

**(Song End)**

* * *

Rubbing my head, I returned to reality, slumped against a tree in a snowy wasteland… Wait, this looks familiar. Getting up off the cold ground, I looked down and- yup, it was the clothes I had arrived to Gamindustri with. Was this a fucking time loop?

**(Current Music - Hall of Memories - Rabi-Ribi)**

Seeing the world sort of _glitch_ around me, I was left with more questions than answers as I sighed, going down the same path I first travelled when I first came to Gamindustri after my "Death". The loneliness gave me time to think, though. What was that dream I had? Was it a dream? Everything felt so… Real. The sights, the smells, the sounds, it was perfect…

_Too_ perfect. It was everything I wanted in life. An advancement in my relationship with IF, a steady job as the head of a military organization, hell even a mega crossover with some of my favourite anime from when I was at Earth, including Starlight _fucking _Glimmer as one of the main villains.

Looking back on it, I chuckled to myself. It was entirely fabricated and I did in fact, fall for it. I'd have to buy NepG a drink after all this is over, she was right.

Approaching the Guild, the world continuing to glitch and twist around me, I opened the door and walked in. It was empty, aside from… Me.

Leaning on a nearby wall, there _I_ was, decked out in my Planeptune clothing, a representation of my current self. "Hey." He said, pointing to a chair that just materialized. "Sit down, We need to talk."

I complied, not knowing what else to do. I could punch him, but I don't think that'd _help_. Sitting down in his own chair, he leaned back. "You're wondering what's happening, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Well, right now we're in your memories. As this is the first thing you saw when you woke up in Gamindustri, this is what was manifested. I'm just a manifestation of your current self, by the way. None of this is _technically real_."

I rubbed my head. "The last thing I remember was Nepgear shooting me, what happened?"

He shrugged. "Nothing much, really. As you "died" in the dream, you got kicked out of Uzume's mindscape and back into your own. As far as we're concerned, Koei… Just you and me. Ask me, your psyche, anything."

"Why am I such a retard?"

He gave me a half-lidded stare. "Okay, you can _ask_ me anything, but I can't guarantee anything. As for your question, there are mysteries that even science can't explain. This isn't one of those, it's because you were born unlucky. Next… Try to keep it on-topic. I don't want to deal with hours of existential dread over the fact that you are in fact, technically dead."

I took a moment to process that. "Was that from the _truck_ or NepG shooting me in the head?"

"A little of column A, a little of column B." He waved his hand. As of right now, Nepgear and Histoire are currently trying to pull you out of your comatose state. But that's not going to happen."

I blinked. "Why?"

"Because you're still connected to Uzume's mind. If they wake _you_ up, she'll wake up as well. And as she's still a genocidal maniac, that would involve you breaking your morals on giving people second chances. You're the only one who can stop her at this point, whether that involves saving her or slaying her."

I shrugged. "You seem to know a lot about my incoming fate."

He gave a wry grin. "We both know how this shit goes, even if I wasn't meta aware. You've seen isekai before, after all."

"Fair point... Wait, meta aware?" I took a second to process what he said.

He pointed at me. "Don't act like this was a twist. You're a Neptunia protagonist, Koei. You have the aura and everything. Didn't Neptune give you the rundown two chapters ago?"

I rolled my eyes. "Reel it back, won't you. You're breaking the serious mood of this conversation."

"There _was _a serious tone_?_" He feigned shock, before realizing what was said a few paragraphs ago and mentally slapping himself. Which in this case was also a literal slap. "Right, sorry about that. Where were we?"

"Saving the world, I guess." I shrugged at him.

"Ah, right. Well, I said my piece. Got anything else you want to know? Locked away secrets, forgotten memories, whether you and Iffy will _do it_ or not-"

"**I AM INTERESTED IN THAT LAST ONE.**" I say without thinking. Oh well, this was between me and me at this point.

* * *

"Except when you're talking to me." Jill interrupted. "For the record, you don't have to say what the answer was. Keep it between you… and you I guess." She continued to clean out my previously used glass.

"Ehhh, can I trust bartender to client confidentiality on this?" I look around to make sure no one else was listening. Hey! I see you there! I breathed in as I leaned into Jill's ear and whispered the answer into her ear.

"About what I expected. My lips are sealed, Koei." She smiled before giving a wink to no one in particular. "Sorry everyone, but this'll remain our secret."

Giving a nod, I continued my story.

* * *

"Well, _that_ was a surprising answer!" I reel back in shock as he nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, all in the script." He waved a stapled-together set of papers, containing the story that you are reading right now on it. Somehow. I think it was up to Chapter 30 anyway, Whatever, details.

"Alright, so I'd better go save the world. Nice speaking to you, uh me."

He nodded. "A pleasure. See you when you have your next mental breakdown!" He waved me off as he got up and left the Guild. "Oh. Before I go." He walked back in. "Might want to pick up your weapons at the back of the Guild before you head out. Something tells me Uzume won't appreciate you crashing into her mind. Aight, I'mma head out for real this time. Laters." And with that he disappeared into Lowee.

Heading to the door that led to the back room, Serenity, Peace and Tranquility were all laid out on the back table. Picking them up, I tried to slot them in my inventory-

**CANNOT CONNECT TO LASTAT-**

Yeah, that. Putting Serenity on my back, I noticed two holsters and a scabbard were laid on there as well. Fuck it, it's my mindscape I guess. Taking what I could get, I put on the purple leather holsters before slipping Serenity into its scabbard and slotting both onto my back.

Walking back out, a doorway glowed in the otherwise empty room. Above it in neon lights read "To Uzume's Heart." A little on the nose, but whatever. Entering the doorway, my mind twisted and turned as I crossed what felt like light years as I landed with a bump into an unfamiliar place… Again.

**(Current Music - Unfamiliar Place Again - Rabi-Ribi)**

Getting up, the ruins of a city floated around an unending void, with a giant shattered crystal in the middle of the void acting as a light source as it shone faintly. If this was Uzume's Heart…

Walking around the debris to the best of my ability, I noted how some of the ruins resembled Planeptunian architecture.

I sighed to myself. It was lonely around here, with no life forms around to talk to or murder as I walked down the floating islands. After a while, I came up with a small ditty to keep myself distracted.

_Here in this unfamiliar place_

_I'm lookin' for her familiar face_

'_Cus no matter how far she has roamed_

_I'll find Iffy and bring her home…_

It was honestly the only thing giving me hope at this point. I was cut off from everything and only had my side arms to keep me company. This is what true loneliness feels like, then?

No wonder Uzume went insane. She's probably been trapped here for years. I've been here for what feels like an hour and I'm already becoming depressed.

I spotted something amidst the rocks an`d dirt ahead of me. Sprinting up to it, I picked it up and dusted it off. It was the plush of me that Plutia made after the 3 day coma I had. I smiled, remembering those happy memories, the overwhelming joy I felt when I found out she put in all that hard work and effort for someone she barely met…

Putting the the plushie in my pocket, I continued on, those memories giving me renewed resolve as I wandered further into the void. I knew she _was_ here, at least.

That's all I needed to keep going at this point.

* * *

...

I don't know how long it's been since I found the plush of me, but I know I've been walking for _a while_ at least, humming that song to myself as I clambered over debris and walked down the linear path of floating rocks. I was still determined, but my legs started to ache from the walking and my breaths became ragged from exhaustion.

I could see a figure in the distance. The faintest glimpse of navy blue caused me to go into a full on sprint, despite my tired legs, nearly tripping over rocks several times as I rushed to the figure. It was a good thing I was sprinting, as I needed to make a jump over a particularly large gap, combat rolling as I hit the ground before looking behind me, the rock I was just on being several meters above me now. No going back at this point.

I finally caught up to who I thought it was, the rock we were now both stood on being pretty large and barren other debris, which was suspicious but I pushed that out of my mind as I carefully approached IF. It _was_ her! She was here!

"I-Iffy!" I said breathlessly as I put a hand on her shoulder, ready to hug her and never let go. "I finally found you! Come on, we need to find a way out of he-"

"K… Koei." She said monotonically, struggling to talk as she stood, unmoving. "P… Please go."

I took my hand off her shoulder, stepping back in shock. "Excuse me? But I just found you."

"You… Don't get it." She continued to struggle to talk, as if she was forcing the words out. "Uzume…" She turned around finally, revealing her eyes had changed from emerald green to dark purple. "She got to me."

I blinked, taking it all in. Just like Neptune... "Then I'll have to get you back myself." I steeled my resolve, pulling out Peace and Serenity. Even if I didn't _want_ to, there was no going back now.

IF pulled out her katars, a single tear streaming down one of her unblinking purple eyes. "Kopey… I'm sorry." Her voice was getting quieter, as if the invading presence was finally done taking her over, as the same aura that surrounded Neptune was now around IF's body, though it looked even more powerful than before.

I gave a sad smile in response, knowing that she wouldn't be around for much longer. "Apology accepted. I love you." I wanted to say so much more, but this wasn't the time for words.

This was the time to be a hero.

**Koei**

**Vs.**

**IF**

**Ready?**

… **Fight.**

**(Current Music - M.R. - Rabi-Ribi)**

IF went right on the offensive, unleashing purple flames that erupted from the ground as I scarcely dodged by scorched, the flames licking at my jacket as I fired back with a Frostbolt, which she handily dodged with a flip, throwing a knife hidden in her jacket, nearly cutting my face. I opted to fire Peace at her a few times to get her to approach again, which she did as she slashed at me with her katars, death in her discoloured eyes.

Grabbing her jacket so she couldn't get away, I countered with a swift punch to the gut, followed by another one before she slashed at my punching arm, forcing me to stop lest I lose an arm. With the brief respite I had, I fired an Airbolt to launch myself away so I could have some breathing room, to which she responded by leaping into the air and launching a barrage of light infused knives at me which I dodged by a hair as I used Serenity to block a few of the knives, dinging the blade and causing a small fracture. How the hell is she that strong?

Shaking my head, I opted to enchant my blade with fire as she somehow covered her own weapons in a purple flame. We charged into battle, her superior agility ensuring I had no chance to get a hit in as she continued to try and slash at me like a wild animal. To call her assault relentless would be an understatement as I desperately sought to find a way to at least slow down her attacks so I had the chance to counter.

Opting to fall back with an Airbolt, I skidded to the edge of the arena, the endless void behind me as she started to slash from a distance, each one creating a dark purple fireball that was gunning straight for me. Opting to dodge roll forward, she anticipated this by creating a wall of flame right when I stopped the roll, scarcely avoiding being set on fire again. These calls were getting too close and I couldn't dodge forever.

Dusting myself off, I could barely blink as IF sliced at me again, each strike narrowly avoiding hitting my body as I looked for an opening to shoot her in the chest, I knew it was wrong to shoot my girlfriend but _she's trying to kill me at the moment!_

Seeing one such chance, I opened fire, scoring a hit right in her chest, as she got down on one knee and grunted in pain, I grabbed her head and _slammed_ it against my knee, forgetting what happened the last time I did that.

_OW._ Knee pain aside, IF seemed to have taken some damage, judging by her bleeding nose. Shaking her head as she got back up, she started to glow green before the blood started to disappear around her face. She was healing, but vulnerable. Taking the chance to pick Serenity back up I went for a running leap, wanting her to see what I was doing and stop casting.

My on the fly plan went perfectly as she stopped casting, her nose still broken but no longer bleeding as she put her katars up to her face, perfectly blocking my attack, but knocking her off balance. **Just what I needed.**

Gripping both hands onto Serenity, I charged a spell, feeling my old wounds and new ones start to rile up as the mana flowed through my body, I prepared to unleash the most powerful Frostblast I could manage.

Once IF was back on balanced and preparing her own attack, I fired off a Frostblast. The recoil flung Serenity out of my hands as the person-sized spell nailed IF right in the chest, expanding to cover her entire body, freezing her solid.

Breathing a sigh of relief that it was over, I took the time to sit down and relax. I could unfreeze her once I figure out how to get rid of Uzume's presence inside her. It was a blissful few moments as I picked Serenity and started to slot it away that I noticed the chunk of ice glowing. It kept growing in intensity as I slowly started to hear a scream of infinite rage from it as I quickly unsheathed Serenity again, the blade having suffered some battle damage from the previous spell and blocking attacks in general.

Once the light became blinding I turned away only to see chunks of ice flying in my direction… This was not good.

Turning back now that the light had died down, I saw IF had changed. Her brunette hair had changed to a fiery blonde and her hair clip and clothes had become black and red, with images of fire on her legs to match her flame covered jacket. She stared at me, letting me take in this new form with those crimson eyes before backflipping to the middle of the arena. Taking off one of her katars for a moment, she made a "bring it" gesture with her free hand before putting it back on.

She was nice enough to let me prepare myself mentally, even if she still had that dark aura around her.

In the silence of the void, I thought I heard a guitar play notes to the same tune I had come up with earlier, a sort of calm before the fire storm that was to come.

I Awoke, forgetting to do so prior, knowing that the _real_ fight had yet to start.

**Awakened Koei**

**Vs. **

**Flame Awakened IF**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

**(Current Music - M.R. - Rabi-Ribi (GaMetal Remix))**

IF pointed her right arm at me, unleashing a barrage of now orange fireballs as I countered with Frostbolts, the spells dissipating as they met.

Realizing we were wasting our mana with easily counterable attacks, we rushed in, IF being quicker than ever with her red hot katar swipes as I struggled to even counter with Serenity. Deciding to play dirty, I shot Peace at her exposed torso between attacks but to my shock they simply bounced off her shirt. My reward was the feeling of blazing hot metal slicing my right cheek as I let my guard down.

In my anger and shock I instead opted to knee her in the stomach, taking the chance to slam both fists on her lowered head instantly knocking her down. Dirty? Sure, but I couldn't hold back against her any more. Forcing a foot down onto her prone body I charged up a Frostbolt pointed straight at her torso once again. She recovered too quickly and knocked me back with the force of her getting back up, using the time to charge her own spell.

Shaking my head, I noticed her pointed at me just in time as I dodged out of the way of a stream of flames erupting out of her katar. Charging at her while she was still casting, I slashed her a few times with Serenity, the blade not seeming to do any noticeable damage but knocking her back as I continued my assault.

Unfortunately for me she anticipated this and pointed her katar at my face as I advanced, nearly walking into the outstretched blade and causing myself some misery. I instead pointed Serenity at her feet and released an Airbolt, her turn to get pushed by it. While it didn't push her back too far, it gave me time to make room between us, ensuring that whatever she had up her long sleeves next would be easily dodgeable.

"I'm tired of this." She finally spoke, hatred dripping from her voice as the aura surrounding her seemed to intensify. "It's time to end you. _**APOCALYPSE SUPERNOVA!"**_

She suddenly leapt up into the air and released wave after wave of red-hot ethereal knives, some of which very nearly sliced my face open, but this wasn't the end of her barrage. She suddenly charged at me from the air and _slammed_ her katar into the ground, causing a massive explosion that caused the ground to start erupting lava all around me as the explosion knocked me way back, the heat setting my jacket on fire as I desperately fanned the flame. Without moving, IF charged yet another attack, before slicing the air in front of her. Not a moment later I felt a red hot slash at my chest as I doubled over in pain. Looking at my shirt, it was singed and now covered in blood. She had managed to slash my chest open without even moving.

"**FALL INTO HELL!**" Was all I heard before I saw the finale of her attack, a giant sun-like sphere slowly growing over her head until it was the size of the arena we were fighting on.

"This is it, huh?" I mutter to myself weakly. "Killed by my own girlfriend with a transformation I didn't even know she had. Was a good run…"

This was all I could get out before I heard a massive explosion, followed by IF screaming. The light from the actual explosion was blinding, but after a few moments I took a look at the arena and it had turned pure black from the blast. Using the remains of my strength, I headed back to the arena, my base instinct telling me to not go back, but my heart saying I _needed_ to. That scream would have haunted me for the rest of my days if I didn't at least check.

My fresh scars still burning, it was a slow and painful process to climb back into the arena, but I eventually found IF, who had reverted back to her normal form, scarcely breathing as she struggled to get up herself. Having the high ground by standing, I was **done** with this shit. Pulling out Peace, I put the barrel against her head, finger on the trigger. After an attack like _that_, I couldn't risk it.

My hand was trembling as I felt IF trying to get up. If she did, I'd die for sure. I couldn't take any more attacks like _that_… Right?

My hand still trembling, my finger slowly inched towards the trigger before one thought in particular came into my mind.

"_The only one you couldn't give a second chance to turned out to be the most important of all._" Neptune's words echoed in my mind as I snapped back to reality, my anger fading, as did my Awakened form.

**(Song End)**

What the _fuck_ was I doing? Throwing Peace to the ground, I hugged IF with all my might, ignoring the grunt of pain as I bear hugged her with all the force I could muster, my own pain being irrelevant as I felt two arms wrap around my back.

The pain didn't matter. Nothing mattered in that moment. I embraced my destiny and she embraced me back.

I did it. I saved IF.


	32. Heart Demolition

**A/N: **100 Favourites. Before the end, we managed to break the big triple. When I started SWaS, I _never_ expected a following this big. Hell, I didn't expect it to go the direction it _went_.

I'll save the big monologue for the epilogue's A/N. Just know that finding this out _made my night._

**Guest**: Part of the joke with Noire being Tohka way back in "Koei Der Toten" is the fact they had the same character designer, so…

**Cirno The Genius**: Oh hey, some honest criticism! I'll admit, I wanted to tilt some characters in a new direction a little late into the story (Namely 5pb. And Big Nep) and that was a spur of the moment thing. Between that and everyone spouting sarcastic remarks I do admit I know my niche in writing and stick to my guns a little _too_ much and it is something I've noticed myself. What shocks me however is the "Excellent use of description for attacks." (Paraphrased) I never actually thought the fight scenes were all _that_ good. It is definitely something I struggled with in the last few chapters, but I got there eventuallly… I guess.

Back to the point, a lovely review and a truly honest one at that. I genuinely thank you for not only inspiring you (You wrote HA-V3N after all) but also giving your inspiration some sage advice. You have potential, mate. *pat*

Huh, that's it? Fair enough. Now, let's rejoin our two heroes…

* * *

We continued to hug it out for a while before separating, both of us with crimson blushes of course. With nothing better to do, we were hanging out as usual in the unending void, our legs hanging over the edge of the scorched island that served as our arena minutes before.

"You _really_ went on a bass cannon rampage? I don't believe it, honestly." I had been catching her up on events since her kidnapping when we got to The Dubstep Gun Incident.

"NepG didn't bring it up until I asked her about the speakers.I was _pissed._ Then she gave me the chance to tick that off my bucket list and well, it ended with wubs." I gestured despite my tiredness and fresh wounds, just happy to be with her again.

"Mmm, I'll take your word for it. Speaking of fulfilled dreams… Nah, it's embarrassing."

I tilted my head. "I'll tell you mine if you want. I was stuck in her delusion before NepG shot me in the face."

She shrugged in response. "I guess. Got nothing better to do at the moment.

"Well, it was _wonderful,_ first of all. You were my fiance, I worked as a military commander and there was this _massive_ crossover with different anime. Didn't get too far into it before NepG kicked down my office door, yelled at me about being "stuck in the delusion" and shot me in the goddamn face." I sighed in frustration. "I get it was for the best, but I never found out what Uzume did. That and the commander I was talking to was cute."

"I'll ignore that last part." IF snarked before putting a hand to her chin. "Well, we had pretty similar dreams. Did you happen to shout "BUGGER" before running off to work?"

I blinked. "Shit the bed, I did."

"Mmm, she must have put us in the same dream to conserve energy. That was a cute ring I had one, too. But yeah, nothing much happened. I cooked breakfast, sat down and read about the attempted invasion of Planeptune when Gear kicked down the door to our apartment, Peace in hand. She had the courtesy to explain herself at least…"

* * *

"The _fuck_ are you on about?" I asked, as Nepgear finished explaining the fact that I was in fact stuck in a dream. "Of course this isn't a dream, I'm _engaged_!"

Gear gave a half lidded stare. "In what universe is _Koei Fucking Tech_ both sober _and_ competent?"

I scratched my head. "Shit the bed, you might have a point. Now what?"

"Well, it's not a pretty solution, but…" She cocked Peace and pointed it at my head. "This will kick you out of your delusional state. Big Neptune can just open up a rift once I'm done here anyway."

I held up a hand. "That raises further questions."

"Questions that will sadly remain unanswered." A burst of dark energy indicated that someone else had entered the conversation. I recognized her straight away as I got up, katars in hand.

"You. You're the one who trapped me here. I'LL END YOU!" I tried slicing her face with my katars, only to find my hands bare.

"IF, IF IF… I don't think you understand. I'm God here. I could end you both with a snap of my fingers, but that's not really _fair._ No, I had something more... _Fun _in mind when I found out about Koei."

I grabbed her shirt with both hands and slammed her against the wall. "Better spill before your blood does."

"You do realize that you can't do anything to me and I'm only letting this happen to delay you." She admitted. "Your body is completely possessed by my delusional energy. Soon enough, Koei will find you and well… Maybe I beefed up your strength to match his..."

My eyes widened in horror. "He… Wouldn't fight back. Gear, the gun."

She fumbled before handing the pistol to me, I put it to my head. "You best pray that I don't find you again, _cunt._"

I pulled the trigger.

* * *

"That was unnecessary." I blinked as she looked down into the void, unable to meet my gaze anymore.

"It was." She admitted, staying silent for a time. "When I came to, I was barely able to speak, as you saw. I tried to warn you, but you're as stubborn as you are an alcoholic."

"Fuck me running, I need a drink…" This was hard to hear from her. Dammit, she had a point.

Seeing a ghost of a smile on her face, she put a hand on my shoulder. "That's the Kopey I know and love."

I smiled back, before hearing footsteps behind us. IF pulled out her katars as I pulled out Peace, forgetting where Serenity was.

"Relax, it's only me." Ultradimension Neptune put her hands in front of her as she approached. I put away my guns, but IF stood firm.

"Relax? _You're the reason behind this in the first place! I'll kill you!"_

"If you kill me, you won't get these Nep Bull EX IIs I brought as an apology." She pulled out two Nep Bull cans. I took mine gratefully and had a long drink.

"Not quite what I meant by I need a drink, but _man_ I needed that." I sighed finally having things go my way for once.

Giving me a sideways glance, she cracked open her own can and took a sip. "_Christ._ It's like that drink I had at Celestia after the Pile Driver incident."

"Yeah, I based the recipe off of my vague memories of the Crevice Spike. Had a couple of years free time after Uzume destroyed my version of Gamindustri, so you know…"

"So wait, you're _not_ just Ultradimension Neptune?" IF nearly spat out her drink.

"Nope. Alternate timeline Neptune. Koei killed you in my original timeline."

Now it was my time turn spit take "**WHAT?**"

"It was in your goodbye note. You completely disappeared after returning from Heart Dimension, leaving your gear behind. After that… I knew I had to go." She sighed. "I abandoned everyone. I was going to return after a few days, but the link between Hyperdimension and Ultradimension got cut off… For hopefully obvious reasons. I lost everyone. I had to start fresh."

Silence between the three of us. "Big Nep… I'm sorry." IF simply said. "If I knew before…"

She shook her head. "I've had years to grieve. I've just been following in the path I figured my older self would have gone in. Became a bug collector, "found" Crosty floating around my version of Ultradimension and I waited. On the plus side, I have a chest now at least!" She puffed out her chest, causing her meat puppies to jiggle.

"So when you said that line to me… You were talking about Iffy." I realized how clever she was in pointing that out.

"Probably, " She shrugged. "I knew you'd be hooked up to that machine sooner rather than later. That's why I intervened when I did. Course, with alternate timelines, not everything went the same way as I recalled it after we first met. Uzume fought you in Lastation after she had Linda find the documents on you."

"I'm still getting over the fact that _he killed me in the original timeline."_ IF pointed out the obvious, shaking as she fell to her knees. "Why would he do that?"

"I was still Awakened when I pointed the gun to your head. If I didn't recall that line, I would have repeated history." I admitted, causing IF to clam up entirely. "I-Iffy?"

Neptune put a hand on my shoulder. "Let her process this. You should probably get going anyway. When Uzume finds out that she's free from her delusion, she'll come for you herself."

…

"Iffy." I started only for her to get up and stare me in the face, tears in her eyes.

"You put a _fucking gun_ to my head and nearly _executed me._" She said, resentment in her voice and she clenched her fists.

"I was doing what was ri-"

Out of nowhere she slugged me in the right cheek, the same place she cut with her red hot blades. "_Fuck. You._ You're no boyfriend to me anymore. Hell, you're no _friend_. Hopefully Uzume will finish you off."

I...

…

* * *

"Koei…" Jill put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't push it away as I looked into my drink. "But you said you got an apartment."

"Histoire said I couldn't stay at the Basilicom after that happened between us. It's the same complex as Compa so I hope she doesn't find out." I finish off my glass. "Large Pile Driver. This is my lowest point."

She stood silently for a moment. "I wouldn't normally, but… Coming right up." She started to mix up my upteempth drink of the night. I checked my watch. Not even 7pm yet. Whatever. I had no one else anyway.

She put the drink on the counter and added it to my tab. "Take it slow. I'm not saying that as your bartender… But as your friend."

I took a drink of the mixture. "Koei Tech doesn't _have _friends. He's a fucking sociopath without a spellblade. At this point, I'm a disgrace to the title."

Jill leaned over the counter. The place was dead anyway. There was a 5pb. concert nearby, but nobody would come here after that anyway. All of her regulars… Well, they _were_ my friends, anyway. I don't think the CPUs _hate me outright_, but…

"No spellblade, though? What happened to Serenity?" Jill asked.

"Guess I have to drop _that_ bombshell, too."

* * *

Still stunned from what Iffy had done to me moments ago, I got up to leave. I could _feel_ her hatred from here and I didn't want to get into another fight with her.

This time I knew only one of us would walk away from that. And I don't think it'd be me.

Looking around for Serenity, I saw the handle of the blade on another rock. Neptune was trying to comfort IF in her time of need as I walked over to the handle, thinking that the explosion had simply embedded it into the ground.

Preparing to pull it out of the ground Excalibur style, I lifted it without effort… Because the handle _didn't_ have a blade attached.

I fell to my knees, looking at the blade's handle. IF was gone. Serenity was destroyed.

My resolve shattered like my heart. I couldn't… Getting up, I walked towards the unending void and looked down. I wondered what would happen if I did fall down into there.

A hand grabbed my shoulder. "Don't do it." She said, in a tomboyish voice Turning around, I saw a girl with red hair and matching else, dressed like the Uzume I saw before, but without the arm-socks and dressed in white instead. Looking down, I saw a skirt (I didn't think of it at the time, but it also looked like a pair of shorts.), knee high black and orange socks and some weird _bag things _covering most of her shoes.

"My name is Uzume Tennoboushi. I'm here to help you, Koei Tech." She said simply, pulling me into a hug. "Help you save the world and to support you in your time of need."

I nodded as I looked to where Neptune and IF were. They had already gone as I hugged the tomboy back. Not out of love like I did with Iffy, but to comfort myself with the warmth of someone else.

Eventually she let go. "I saw your fight with that jacket wearing girl. You kicked _ass!"_ She pumped a fist. "But that also means you're a _threat_." Her voice darkened as her hair and clothes followed suit.

I took a step back. This girl… She was the one behind all of this. I tried to throw a punch at her, but she caught my hand and twisted it, causing me immense pain as I got down on one knee. "Cute." She mocked.

"W… Why." I grunted through my own agony.

"Why does anyone do anything? Money? Power? Love?... Revenge, perhaps? You and I… We're going to have a talk. But for now, you seem tired…"

I nearly blacked out from the pain as my vision started to blur. Letting go of my hand, I flopped to the floor, unable to move as she grabbed the handle of Serenity and stepped over my unmoving body.

"Neat sword. A shame I couldn't break it in front of you, but it saves me doing it myself." She turned to face me, a malicious smirk on her face. "Oh… But I have _you_ to break instead. See you later, "Kopey"."

With that my eyes finally closed and I blacked out.

* * *

"Shit. If you weren't here talking to me, I'd assume you died." Jill cleaned out my old glass as I took another drink of the Pile Driver.

"Wish I did." Was all that I said in response.

* * *

Waking up, I found myself attached to a chair, my arms tied behind me with rope, as were my legs. I was in a room of blue neon squares, and Uzume was sat in front of me, seemingly waiting for me to wake up.

"Finally." She said. "Do you _always _sleep for so frigging long?"

I did the obvious thing and tried to shake myself free. "Let me go!"

"Really?" She sighed before getting up, walking up to me and slugging me in the face. "Stop that." She commanded, which I complied to because she hit harder than even Iffy did. "Thanks." She sat back down.

"What… Do you want with me?" I demanded, not moving as to not get another punch to the face.

"I said it before your nap. I want to _break_ you like that IF girl broke your heart. Then I'll make you my new lieutenant and have you invade Planeptune and slaughter everyone there with your own two hands."

"What about the rest of Gamindustri?"

She shook her head. "My beef is with Planeptune. Plus, if I destroy Gamindustri, it means that nobody would be around to know how much you _failed._"

"They'll come for me, you know…" I threatened. "Better let me go and I might go easy on you."

She scoffed. "Koei… Nobody's coming for you. Your precious girlfriend… Oh right." She smiled at my growl. "_Ex_-girlfriend is telling everyone you put a _gun to her fucking head_. Nobody's going to like you after _that_ stunt. Good job on telling her too!" She mock applauded me. "Went even better than I could have hoped! I was worried when you both _lived_, but you managed to fuck up. As you always do."

"I'm not a failure… I'm a hero." I said defiantly, but there was doubt in my voice. My scars were still fresh, both emotionally and physically.

"Ah yes, brave words from the guy who executed their girlfriend then disappeared himself." Her grin grew wider. "Some hero."

I struggled with the ropes again, the friction rubbing at my uncovered skin. "Don't bother. Even if you got up, I'd just put you back down. Reminder that I'm _God_ here."

"Hell of an ego." I spat. "Tell me, how did you manage to fuck up even harder than your successor?"

She leaned back in her chair. "Ah, memories. Memories that you restored to Histoire, to boot. Good work, she'll be carrying that guilt for the rest of her life. Which won't be long."

"Just get on with it." I sighed, knowing that this would take a while.

"Well, as you know there's Share energy. It's what empowers the CPUs and allows them to fight for their Nation. I used to be a CPU, as you dug up by prying into my hideaway. The incident that Histoire _didn't _explain to you… There is too much of a good thing at some point."

"What. Happened." I was losing patience with the smug snake.

"I lost control of my power. Killed thousands. Shares tanked and I had no choice but to step down as CPU. Knowing I'd be lynched if I became mortal, Histoire froze me in cryostasis and wiped all mentions of me from _everywhere_, including herself… Except for **that** room." She smiled sadly. "She always had a soft spot for me. Was nice of her."

"And you're evil _because_ you killed thousands?" I ask. I would have waved my hand if I could move it.

"No, but my early retirement… Well, the citizens _did_ hate me, I was basically forced here. Hours turned to days, days to weeks… Weeks to years. You cannot imagine true loneliness on the scale I had to face. All because of _them._ My spite eventually became what I've coined as Negative Share Energy. Since then, I've become truly delusional, insane even." She laughed. "It's great! I'm _God_ here! My old power pales in comparison to the reality I can write here _and_ in the neighbouring dimension… Speaking of." She opened a screen with a snap of her fingers, the image of the Uzume she had disguised herself as wandering some ruins. "Who should I send, Dark Black? Dark Green?"

"The fuck?" I was utterly confused at this point.

"Ah, you're right. Let's send the Nation that you protected with your life… Dark Purple." With another snap, a massive robot-like humanoid crashed in from the sky, drawfing the alternate Uzume as she transformed into…

"Holy shit." I said. It was the same girl as the statue from the castle, shield and all. Raising her shield clad arm, she said something I couldn't hear due to the feed not having audio before both of them were enveloped in a massive orange shield.

Uzume sighed. "There she goes again. Trying to destroy my Dark CPUs. You know, since you ruined my other pawns with your _leadership skills._" She muttered that last part sarcastically, supporting her head on a single gloved hand. "She's my better half. Literally. The reason why I can't transform into a CPU myself is because you need _positive_ Share Energy. I became so delusional that she formed into her own personality, completely unaware of her past or the fact that her reality is in fact, fabricated."

"You set up that destroyed ruin?" I ask.

She waved a hand in a "sorta" gesture. "Sort of. Zero Dimension as I coined it was created when she split off from me. I can't invade directly, but I can create delusional monsters to try and hunt her down." She sighed. "Try, anyway. Like I have absolute power here, she has absolute power there. She seems completely unaware of this, as she could just banish them with a thought if she wanted to, but fights them instead. She struggles to survive when she could live a life of delusional happiness. Can't believe I _used to be her._"

I was very tired of her shit at this point. "Cool. Please kill me."

"Nah. As I said, I want to break you first. Psychologically and once you're done with the massacre, physically. Sounds like fun, right?" She smiled as she said that last sentence.

I refused to respond as she sighed. "The CPUs were way more fun than you Whatever, I'm planning to how to get you back to Gamindustri without that ditz of a mercenary. I know our minds are linked, but they're probably trying to seperate us as we speak so my brainwashing won't work. It's how I got to the CPUs and IF after all… Until that _bitch_ Nepgear ruined it with her _fancy tech._ Bah, all I need is for you to fall asleep… Then you're **mine.**"

She had gotten up at this point and had walked up to me again, grabbing my chin as she forced me to stare into her purple, crazed eyes. "Nobody's going to save you this time, "hero." You. Are. Fuc-"

_**SMASH**_

"Wuzzat… Blargle." She fell over as the alternate Neptune smiled at me, the broken chair in her hands implying what I thought she did. "Goddess of delusion, can't take a chair to the head. How's it goin' Kopey?" She pulled out a pen knife as she approached me, starting on the ropes around me.

"If you don't mind, jam the knife in my throat once you're done with the ropes." I snark at her. "Delusional Doris over there strengthened my reasons I want to die. Iffy might have been the catalyst, but if I have to hear ONE MORE fucking word from her…"

"I know, she runs her mouth like a lame villain from a spy movie… There!" The ropes around my legs now fell away as I got up, stretching my now freed limbs as Neptune kicked the sleeping CPUs body for good measure.

"Umio… That tickles." She murmured happily in her own dream as I dusted myself off.

"What's the plan, then?" I ask as I turned to Neptune, hoping for _something._ "Serenity's shattered, as is my heart and I doubt any of my friends would be willing to help me once they find out I put a gun to IF's head."

"Figured that. So, I did some digging and… Come on out." She motioned for someone to emerge from beyond the room, it splitting off into two hallways it seemed.

A silver-haired woman with blue eyes emerged, wearing skintight most everything as her caped flowed behind her. In one hand was a handful of cards, with a buckler attached to her other one as her leather boots clacked against the hard ground. Much akin to me, she wore fingerless gloves. Seems to be the fashion lately.

"Koei." She greeted warmly and I knew who it was right away. "Been a while."

"Chrome?!"

* * *

I finished off my Pile Driver, finally through my darkest hour. "Alright, one Bad Touch. We both need the laugh."

She snickered. "One _Bad Touch_ for the hero." Starting to mix up the drink she calmed down pretty quickly. "But damn, pretty big twist that Neptune brought along Chrome, huh?"

"It only made sense. Everyone else was either pre-occupied or already knew of… Well."

"Yeah, if I didn't know the context I would have barred you myself. Good thing nobody had that idea in the time between that and you starting to come here again!"

I sighed. "_Don't jinx it._"

* * *

I kept staring at the mysterious woman, holding out a hand for her to shake as I looked on in shock.

Chrome turned to Neptune. "Is he _always_ like this? The silence is awkward."

Neptune shook her head. "You get used to his monologue. Eventually."

I rolled my eyes as I put my hands in my pockets. "So… Any plan? You always had a knack for planning ahead for the _dumbest shit._"

Neptune beamed. "Aw, you remembered one of my character traits! Came up only a few times, too!" Neptune then put a hand to her chin. "You have a point, though. Only so much time before… She wakes up." She kicked Uzume again. "Just for good measure."

"I'll keep her asleep while you fight the other Uzume. Neptune caught me up while we plotted. If my theory is correct, if you weaken the good half of her…"

"The evil part will weaken too to maintain balance?" I hmmm'd, "Sounds sketchy, but this entire fanfic is based on sketchy plans, hasn't it?"

Neptune shot a finger gun at me. "Right you are! Now that you're on board…"

I shook my head. "Can't really fight her without a weapon. Serenity's been shattered. I only found the handle and even then, I lost it when I was knocked out."

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands." Neptune gave me a wink. I complied as I felt cool steel on my hands. Wait…

Opening my eyes, there was Serenity. Not a mark on her. "I… How?"

"What, you think this is the first time I've done this?" Neptune crossed her arms. "Usually you die right around the time you first meet Noire. She slashes a little harder and the results… Are _not_ for a T-rated fanfiction." She visibly cringed. "But I found one where you died to me… Well, the other me during the Siege of Planeptune. Skewered like a pig, you were."

I did _not_ need that mental image. "Thanks." I gave Serenity a test swing to make sure it was real. "I mean, it was the last battle where it was whole. After that…"

"I did hear about IF. My sincerest apologies." Chrome put a hand on my shoulder. "I know if my own version of IF was like that, I'd feel the same way."

"Yeah, let's not get into Super Neptunia RPG spoilers." Neptune tried to move things along. "It _is_ the most recent game in the series… As of publishing."

I roll my eyes. "That game was trash anyway."

Chrome just gave me a _look_. "_Ahem._"

"I mean I technically died before I finished it. So the incarnation of me who only played the first three hours and hated it was the one that Koei was based on." I pondered aloud.

An awkward silence sprouted between us.

"Well now that the mood is totally _fucking ruined_, let's go kick Uzume's ass." I had Serenity again and Neptune was giving me some sort of bloodlust with her meta bullshit.

"Alright, weaken her to weaken the other Uzume. If she starts speaking sense, I'll call you." Chrome tossed my phone at me. "Good thing we grabbed Serenity as well as your phone, huh? Makes it more than a one-off gag."

"Hey, cool your jets with the meta humor." I pointed at Chrome. "Come on, it's the final act, we can at least _pretend_ there's stakes."

She put her gloved hands up in front of her. "Okay, okay. That thing's been sharpened, watch where you point it."

"Speaking of Artifacts… My loli self has them for you. I don't know when she'll be here, though." Neptune explained before opening a rift, which we all went through after I considered the implications of Neptune having two of the four Artifacts.

* * *

God, this place is a mess. Stepping out from behind a wall, the giant orange shield was still there, meaning that Uzume wasn't done with her fight. "Should we wait, or-"

Right on cue, the shield disppaited as Neptune herself ducked behind the corner. I went up onto some debris to get a better viewing angle as Uzume reverted to her previous form, looking tired but still ready to fight.

"Phew." That tomboyish tone that the other Uzume had mimicked so well came out of her mouth. "That was rougher than usual. Time to head back to base and plan my next move… Is what I _would _ be saying if there wasn't _something behind me! Yah!_

I stood too close to the fire as she leapt up and sucker punched me to the ground before pinning me down with a boot. "Who are you? Who do you work for?" She demanded answers immediately.

I tried to go the diplomatic route. "Look I'm just _a guy_-"

"Horseshit! I'm the _only person_ in this entire goddamn place! You must be a monster, like the rest of them!" Well, that worked out _well._

Pointing Serenity at her, I released an Airbolt, forcing her off of me as I got up, chest still in pain from her stepping on my fresh wound. I dusted myself off and held Serenity in both hands as we stared each other down.

"You don't look like a challenge." She taunted, making a "bring it" gesture as she did so, before cracking her knuckles. "A nice cool down from that big monster I just fought."

"Hubris gets people killed." I sigh, repeating Uni's last words to me. "But I'll do my best to make you neither of us end up as a corpse for now."

**Koei**

**Vs.**

**Uzume Tennoboushi**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

**(Current Song - Voltage - Megadimension Neptunia VII)**

She charged forward, attempting to punch me as I caught her hand, but she simply used her other hand for a punch to the gut, the fresh wound screaming as I doubled over, before getting a knee to the face. The fight didn't start well as I was now disoriented and my opponent had the advantage. Shaking my head, I dodged another swing just in time as I slashed at the goddess with Serenity, remembering I had it back.

Retreating, she pulled out a megaphone. "You're right, I have to go all out on you! **BUT YOU'RE SO DAMN LAME!**" She yelled into the amplifier, leaving me more befudded than anything as she continued to yell insults at me.

Blinking, I pointed Serenity at her and released a Frostblast, forcing her to dodge forwards attempting to counter with a punch. I ducked under it and swept her leg, forcing her to the ground as I stepped on her chest, pointing Peace at her. "Any last words?"

"Go fuck yourself?" She retorted.

I shrug. "Close enough." I then flipped Peace over and used it as a beat stick, knocking her out rather easily with her stuck on the ground.

"That went rather… anticlimactically." Neptune emerged from the alley she was hiding in.

**(End Song)**

"Barely worth the boss music." I sighed as I picked up her body, Neptune picking up the slack on her end of the girl as my phone started to ring.

Hefting her over one shoulder, I took my phone out of my pocket. "Yello?"

"If you're done screwing around, I'll be waiting for you back where we had our _talk._" Uzume's voice came from the other end. "Good try on the plan, but I'm still as powerful as I was beforehand. Bring my better half." She put the phone down on me.

"No Pain No Game is your ringtone? _Really?" _Neptune snarked as I hefted the redhead back over my shoulder.

"Uzume woke up. We need to move, now." I said simply as Neptune let go of Uzume's legs.

"Shit the bed." She murmured in response as she pulled out her NepNote. "I only got enough juice to get us back there… I think we're approaching the final battle."

I nod solemnly. "The final chapter, so to speak."

Opening another rift, we headed through the point of no return. We didn't have a _choice_ at this point…

* * *

"Shit's goin' _down."_ Jill muttered to herself as I finished off the Bad Touch.

I nodded my head. "One more Beer to finish this up. Don't think we need to interrupt the finale with any more of our banter."

Jill started to mix up a Beer as I thought back to that day, when the door opened. Walking in, a purple haired girl with twin pigtails sat down next to me, her purple shirt and white tie with a swirl on it making a nice companion piece to my own Planeptune branded shirt.

"Uzume… We were just talking about you." I said with a smile, knowing that the ultimate bombshell had just been dropped.

After all, _everyone _deserves a second chance.


	33. Salvation

**A/N: **…

**EnderSoul1401:** Don't worry about it, the main story's almost over. Just one more chapter…

…

A bit of admin. I changed what happened to Koei in his original timeline from "offing himself" to simply "disappearing". It didn't feel right and as long as I'm already publishing things, I might as well make _that_ change. Also a reminder that the epilogue will release tomorrow.

…

* * *

_Even if my heart cracks, and my dream blurs,_

_I'll hold closely the scattered pieces of sadness._

_The day when tears will become a smile,_

_I believe in it, forever friend._

Mousou Katharsis

* * *

Hclegend presents:

**Sociopath With a Spellblade: The Finale**

**Salvation**

* * *

Jill nearly dropped her glass in shock. "No way."

I nodded. "Get her a drink. We have a finale to talk about."

* * *

Neptune and I rushed down the neon maze, dodging monsters and taking potshots when we could while carrying Uzume's body. We knew the stakes were even higher now that her other half was awake again.

Finally reaching the square room, the goddess of delusion was waiting, Chrome unconscious and wrapped in rope as a familiar ivory pistol was pointed at her skull.

"No sudden movements, nobody has to die." She said simply, using her free hand to point to the body we were carrying. "Put her down nice and easy."

We complied, slowly lowering the body to the hard floor, her head pointing towards the ceiling. "See? Nice and easy when you do as I ask. Now, onto business."

I pulled out Peace and pointed the modified pistol at her. "Let her go." I threatened.

Uzume smiled smugly. "We're really doing this?" She pointed the gun at me now. "I'll admit, shooting her would have been a mistake, but I needed something to bait you three here. Turn around."

"So you can shoot me?" I refused, standing as still as a statue while she shrugged.

"Worth a shot. Speaking of." She threw the pistol at me, nearly clocking me in the face as I picked it up. "Guns are such a brutish tool. I understand why you two resort to them, but I leave the firearms to people like _her_."

I felt a gun barrel poke me in the back. Turning around, Uni was there, her usual crimson eyes now purple. "Poor Uni. She wasn't ready to fight her own flesh and blood and surrendered without resistance. For someone who's milteristic to her core, she sure does cave when it's her sister she has to fight."

"You _won't_ get away with this." I said, turning back to her, prompting a laugh.

"But I already have. On your knees. I want you to die kneeling to the future goddess of Gamindustri."

Feeling the barrel again I kneeled, feeling the cold metal on the back of my head as Neptune did also. "Much better. Goodbye, Koei Tech. Uni… Do the honors."

Instead of a bullet I felt the gun barrel forcing me to the ground as she opened fire on Uzume instead, calling her to yell in pain as she fell over. Climbing over me, the Candidate offered me a hand up. "Sorry we're late." She said, as the other CPUs and Candidates followed suit.

Understandably I was rather confused. "Da fuck." I said as I dusted myself off.

"You think I'd _surrender_ my Nation to big sis? Just a cover story to get us here safely." She took off _her purple contact lenses_, revealing that she was in fact, perfectly fine.

"Damn, thought I really was going to bite the dust then… Good work."

Uni looked away, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. "It wasn't my idea… It was my girlfriend's."

"And it worked perfectly!" Nepgear came running to her now girlfriend and bear hugged her. Noticing that there were people watching them embrace, she blushed before letting go. "I decided to bite the bullet after I took care of Vert… I thought that there might not be much time left for any of us. She said yes and got planning right after that."

There was one person missing from the usual group, I noticed. "I assume Iffy told you what happened…"

Nepgear gave me a hug. "I'm sorry about what went down. She said it's over and not to return to the Basilicom. Not even Neptune could convince her otherwise… That and you did a number on her, it seems. She doesn't remember anything about the fight… Neither do the CPUs."

Then she didn't know the truth. "She did a number on _herself_. Her ultimate attack backfired on her. Hell, that's the only reason I'm _alive!_"

Nepgear let go. "I trust your word. Part of why we came out here is _because_ we needed to know the truth. Neptune… The other one I mean told us what happened in the aftermath of the fight, but wasn't there _for_ it."

I gave a look to Neptune. "You were out for a _**while**_, to be fair. 3 days in fact."

Jesus. "Iffy's still fuming at me, then?"

"That and healing off her injuries with Compa. And uh… I've never seen Compa so angry."

I gulped. "Let's move on. I don't think that taser shot will last forever."

Looking to where Uzume was… She had disappeared, as did her so-called "Better Half", leaving Chrome still unconscious. "Who's she?" Nepgear pointed to the silver haired woman.

"A friend. Wake her up, we've lost the element of surprise and I don't know how long Uzume will take to think of a plan to take us _all_ out."

Complying, Uni was already shaking the woman awake as I turned to the rest of the assembled cast. "I assume we all know why we're here and who we're up against."

The collective party nodded as murmurs of agreement came from the crowd. "Blue edgelord named Uzume, was the CPU before me, _bad news_ for everyone?" The CPU Neptune summed up her character for me.

"Yeah." I shrugged. "Now, here's the plan-"

"WOAH. HOLD UP." Neptune stopped me instantly. "Koei Tech doesn't do _plans_." She pointed an accusing finger at me. "Don't tell me she got to you!"

I gave her a _look_. "I don't feel bad for what Plutia did for you. Where is she anyway?"

"Keeping an eye on Hyperdimension while the CPUs rest up." Neptune shook her head. "It's been a hell of a three days, Koei. The waves of monsters have been _relentless._ The only reason why me and Nep Jr. are here are because as Planeptune CPUs, we feel it's our duty to at least _be here_ for moral support."

I gave a nod. "It's the thought that counts anyway…" I put a hand to my chin. "But seriously, anyone got a plan that isn't the Koei standard of "Rush in and break faces" ?''

Muttering from the group brought up nothing. "I have one." We all turned to Chrome, who had woken up. "Get me out of this rope first, though."

Rolling her eyes, the older Neptune took out her penknife again as she cut the ropes holding the silver haired woman hostage. Getting up and dusting herself off, she nodded. "Thanks."

"So, the plan?" I crossed my arms.

"It seems that Uzume wants her "better half" in order to do… Something with it." She shrugged. "She's so insane at this point that I don't know what it could be."

I sigh. "I hope whatever it is doesn't force the fic to M-Rated at the last chapter." I shook my head. "Probably already risking it with those translated song lyrics."

"It's a nice song, though. Suits the mood nicely." Neptune countered. "Also, we're going to need a new name for Big Me over there. It's already confusing enough when you're talking about Uzume."

The bigger Neptune shrugged. "Alttune? Nepalt? BIg Nep?"

"Big Nep." I say, before shaking my head. "We're getting _off-topic._ Chrome, what do you think?"

The Super Neptunia RPG character put a hand to her chin. "I assume either killing her, or finding some way to put her under control. It's what I'd do if _I _was the villain… Not that I ever have been."

"Yes yes, continuity joke." I wave my hand in a "go on" gesture. "Any idea on _why_, though?"

"Oh! Oh! The jersey dress wearing Neptune put her hand up like a student wanting to answer a question. "Histy's noticed a weak link between what she coined "Zero Dimension" and Planeptune. If Uzume could find some way to break that weak link, both dimensions would be linked, just like Hyperdimension and Ultradimension."

"Bad news, then." I didn't quite understand how it worked out like that, but I had a motive. "Well, if she can't escape Heart Dimension _yet…_"

The walls started to shift, some of the neon blocks disappearing leading to a doorway similar to the Planeptune Basilicom.

"Convenient." I started to head towards it, but a gloved hand stopped me.

"It could be a trap. Remember that Uzume has _absolute control_ over this dimension." Chrome sighed as I pushed her hand away. "Headstrong like always."

"It's the only choice we have." I felt _something_ at the other side of the door as I kicked them open, revealing the Basilicom… But sepia-toned, as if…

"You must be the new Oracle." An unfamiliar voice echoed as Uzume, though impossible to tell which version due to the lack of colour approached Histoire.

"Y-Yes." She stammered. "I didn't think the CPU would come meet me personally on my first day…"

Uzume got down on one knee to look at Histoire face-to-face. "What kind of ruler would I be if I didn't at least _meet_ my new second in command? Come on, let's get you set up with some tea." The two left before the room changed to one of the upstairs bedrooms, Uzume in bed before suddenly shooting up with a yelp.

Histoire came in, distressed by the noise. "What happened?"

Uzume shook her head. "That same dream… The one where I suddenly lose control of my power and hurt Planeptune. Histoire... "

"I've spent the last three days researching it. I've not seen any record of a CPU doing that. You'll be _fine._" She patted the CPUs' shoulder comfortingly before leaving.

Uzume had an unsure look on her face. "I hope so… I became CPU to protect Planeptune, not destroy it." She then laid down and went right back to sleep.

The scene cut to the room where I first found her body, the two staring at the capsule she was frozen in. "Are you sure this is the _only _way, Uzume?"

She nodded solemnly. "I've hurt Planeptune too much to change fate. It breaks my heart to do this, but they'll kill me out there if I just step down." She sounded weak and unsure. "You remember my instructions?"

"Destroy all evidence of your existence. Yes." Histoire nodded, gaining a sad smile. "I'll miss you Uzume."

Uzume smiled back. "Yeah… But it's for the best that I'm forgotten. Try to keep an eye on the vitals, if something happens, get the CPU who succeeds me to unplug the machine and stab me in the heart. I don't know what kind of damage the delusional energy could do if I were to be released."

Histoire nodded as Uzume got into the tube, before she closed the door and activated the machine. With a _woosh_, I heard a freezing sound before Histoire left without a word.

The world regained its color as both Uzumes were in the lobby of the Basilicom. I hadn't noticed as I was so engrossed in the story, but the doors behind me had disappeared, leaving me alone with her.

"Now you know _why _Planeptune has to die." Uzume summed up before getting up, her other half still unconscious. "I loved Histoire. I loved being CPU and protecting my citizens,.. Until they turned on me." She turned around, anger in her crazed eyes. "If they won't love me… I'll teach them fear instead. Then Histoire and I can be happy together, just like the old days."

I approached her, no weapons in my palms… Perhaps I can do this diplomatically. "Uzume… I know what happened to you was awful, but-"

"But _what_? Everything will be hunky dory if I just _give up_? You're here to kill me! I know you are!" Her voice started to get hysterical now as she approached me. "I won't give up until Planeptune is in _ruins _ and the CPUs are _dead._ Neptune is a failure of a goddess and her sister just _enables_ her! Even Uranus failed if she _died from a lack of faith!_ Planeptune has had its chance and it _fucking failed._ It's time that I took **my** nation back."

I blinked, putting two and two together. "How… How do you know all of this? You've been in a coma."

"How do I know? I've been forced to watch Planeptune, the nation _I LOVED_ decay ever since I froze myself! No more sitting around, it's time I took action."

She walked back to her other half. "If I can't be Planeptune's saviour… I'll be its destroyer instead. All I need is to be _whole_ again." She grabbed her other half's hand and squeezed, the two slowly glowing before disappearing in a bright light as I felt the world shake.

Oh god. Oh fuck.

Turning back, I saw the doors were open again, The three Neps rushing towards me. "Koei, we have to _go._" Nepgear said in a panic. "This world's starting to collapse at the seams, what did you do?"

"Uzume took herself and disappeared… Said something about being _whole_ again…"

"Well, the giant crystal thingy in the middle disappeared. For some reason we can't transform either. That and we can't leave Big Nep behind."

Big Neptune shook her head. "Crosty's outta juice, too. Any idea where the exit could be?"

I think. "One." I started to run to the room where Progression was stored, finding the door that lead to Uzume's room open, we ran down the stairs, entering the room where she was contained… Only now the capsule was open, with a glowing doorway inside of it.

"Fuck it, let's _GO_." I jumped into the capsule, unsure if the Neps followed me or not.

Moments later we were back in Zero Dimension, the familiar ruins greeted me as I looked around for any sign of Uzume. She stood in the middle of a circle, seemingly unaware of us, but she had _changed._

Her hair was now purple, with a white shirt. She looked like the better half of Uzume more than the delusional goddess I knew at least. Just with weird hair.

As I approached her, she spoke. "Isn't it beautiful?" Her voice was still tomboyish, but had that calm undertone her evil self had as well. "This is what Planeptune should _be_ like. No citizens to turn on you, the city destroyed, the legacy of _failure _forgotten." She looked down. "The only thing missing is Histoire."

"You can't do this." I say simply. "You can't destroy Planeptune and kill the CPUs. You'll kill thousands!"

"They deserve it." Uzume retorted without a moment's notice. "The day I lost control of my power was a mistake… I should have killed them _all._"

"I…" I was lost for words. She was talking about this with absolutely no qualms in her voice.

"If you're worried about Iffy, I can cut you a deal. I know she broke your heart like losing Histoire broke mine. You're angry, aren't you? Perhaps you can vent it on Planeptune. Make her come back to you out of fear?" She bargained.

I was disgusted. "No." I said outright. "You're fucking insane."

"Maybe." She didn't _disagree_ at least. "But you have to realize that Planeptune drove me to this. They wanted _blood_. They wanted me _dead._ And now everyone will hate me all over again now that they remember me. Good work, Koei. You helped ruin Planeptune."

I thought back to the last time I talked to Histoire. I stood and went through every possible reason Uzume would have to destroy Planeptune. Why she'd go after me and the Planeptune CPUs in particular.

My eyes widened when I realized her true reason. "You're scared. Scared that Histoire will reject you."

She turned to me, rage in her crazed eyes, still the same deluded colour as before she transformed. "Why does _that_ matter?" She started to walk towards me. "What would make you think that?"

I smirked. "Nothing. But the way you're reacting makes me think I'm right."

She tried to punch me in the face as I caught her hand. I was shocked that I was able to stop her attempted attack. "I'm not _scared_ of anyone, or anything! You think I'm doing this out of fear? No, I'm doing this out of _hate!_"

I let go of her hand. "That's what someone scared of someone they love finding out the truth would say. Face it Uzume, even if you did pull off your plan… She'd never take you back."

She was now positively enraged. "That's it." I could feel the fury in her voice. "You're going to _die._" She snapped her fingers, as a screen appeared. "Thanks to your stunt of restoring everyone's memories, combined with this dimension being connected to Planeptune, I can now influence the real world. While I'll destroy Planeptune myself… Well, every screen in Planeptune is now broadcasting us."

* * *

"Huh, so that's what happened." Jill had served us both a drink and was just cleaning out another glass. "I don't know how that _works_."

Uzume shook her head. "I've forgotten everything about that day. I couldn't tell you the details if I wanted to, that's how badly I was deluded. But I remember the feelings I felt during that conversation… Koei was right. I _was_ scared. I pulled that stunt out of fear, to try and intimidate him."

I smiled. "Ended up being her downfall. But hey, it saved your life."

She nodded. "Yeah."

* * *

"Hi mum!" I waved to nowhere in particular, all of Planeptune now watching our conversation.

Uzume seemed shocked by this. "Why are you being so _casual_ about this? ALL of Planeptune is going to watch you die! Then I'll kill the CPUs! Then I'll start on the citizens! Then the cit-"

"I'm not scared of you." I crossed my arms defiantly. "You're trying to intimidate me by saying these things, but I see right through you." I walk up to her, staring her dead in the face. "Because we both know I have _nothing_ to lose at this point. Without Iffy, I'm _nothing._ That's what scares me, Uzume. You? You're just a teenager having a tantrum."

She said nothing as I stepped back, pulling Serenity out. "You're too deluded to be reasoned with. But I have _faith _on my side. Planeptune will be rooting for me." I outstretched my left hand. "Histoire let me borrow this, too. You recognize it? Progression."

Uzume seethed as I continued. "Face it Uzume. Histoire _likes_ me more."

Uzume finally moved, screaming at me as she lunged in rage. As sick as it sounds, I was goading her into a fight. Airbolting to the other side of the arena, I breathed deeply and mentally prepared myself for what could be my final battle.

**Koei**

**Vs. **

**Uzume Tennoboushi (True Form)**

**Ready?**

**FIGHT!**

**(Uzume Tennoboushi's Theme - VISION - Megadimension Neptunia VII)**

Being stood near the edge of the circle that served as our arena, I noticed the bottomless void off of the edge of the circle. Yikes, nearly fell into that.

Stepping back onto the arena, purple flames shot out of the void as they surrounded the entire circle, trapping us inside. "One on one." She said simply. "I might be as insane as you think I am, but I know my successors would try to save you when I win. Just hedging my bets to make sure."

I sigh. "Pretty cocky. But it makes for a nice aesthetic at least!"

Uzume punched the ground as dark purple crystals erupted towards me. Dodging the crystalline spines, I fired a few shots of Peace at her, stunning her as I approached to attack with Serenity.

She expected this, blocking the blade with her gloved hand as she pulled it out of my hand. "Neat sword. Can't believe you ended up with a _second _one." She tossed it behind her with a "whoops", it thankfully remaining in the arena, but it left me with an angry goddess and no close ranged weapon.

Oh wait, I had _fists_. She was still turning her head back to me when I grabbed her shirt and started punching her in the face. Several blunt blows later she pushed me away, shaking her head to reorient herself. Perfect.

Sprinting around her, I grabbed Serenity and fired a Frostblast, nailing her in her back and freezing it. The weight of the magic ice unbalanced her as she fell onto her back. Putting my foot on her chest, I pointed Serenity at her face.

"This fight is _far_ from over." She said, before she gained a dark aura. Oh _fuck me running._ Grabbing my leg, she tossed me to the other side of the arena as I heard a distinct _crack_ in my left hand after landing on it. _FUCK._

Getting back up, my head hurting from the throw, I looked at my left hand. It hadn't broken, but it hurt like hell, distracting me long enough for her to follow up with a punch to _my_ face, almost knocking me into the fire. Thankfully I regained my balance, using the momentum to headbutt her in the chest, distinctly feeling her soft breasts as I did so. Slightly perverted and not quite what I planned, but it worked!

My wrist's pain fading, I grabbed Serenity with both hands as I charged up a spell I hadn't used in a while. A Flameblast. Using the time gained from headbutting her, I felt like my arms were going to set on fire as the fire changed from orange to blue.

As Uzume was about to snap out of her trance, I fired, the fireball exploding as it hit her chest again. Breathing a sigh of relief, the smoke cleared as I… _FUCK._

She was perfectly fine aside from being slightly singed. In fact, she was looking at me with a bored look. "That's your best?" She taunted. "Some hero."

She then put her arms in a very familiar pose from Street Fighter. "Here's something for ya. HADOKEN!"

Inexplicitly, a purple fireball launched from between her hands, smashing me in the chest as I fell over. Aside from adding to my increasing number of sore spots, it also gave her the time to stand on my chest, her aura still there with a smug grin. "Time to die."

Her left hand set on fire as she pointed towards me, the purple flames starting to grow in size as she charged her attack. "Any last words? Wanna beg for mercy? Maybe reconsider that offer?"

I spat in her face, causing her to stomp on my chest in response. I think I felt something break, but between the sound of charging mana and the flames surrounding us, I didn't hear it. In response I coughed up a little blood, seeing the red liquid launch itself from my mouth.

"Nothing short of a miracle is going to save you. Did you ever worship a CPU? Because it's going to take one of them to stop me… Faith means nothing, Koei. It's power that wins a fight." She taunted again, her attack nearly ready.

Wait… Miracle... CPU… Faith…

Closing my eyes, I prayed. I prayed to Neptune, Noire, Vert and Blanc.. I prayed to the citizens of Planeptune watching… I prayed to the readers…

I heard something. It was quiet, but it was there.

"Do it, Koei."

"Knock 'em dead, Kopey!"

"RIP HER FUCKING HEAD OFF!" Okay, that was _less _quiet.

"Come on, Koei, make it through. I know you can fight a goddess!"

The CPUs voices answered my prayers. They had faith in me.

"Come on, you're my best customer." Jill's voice echoed.

"Do it for justice!" Nisa cheered.

"I know the British spirit flows within you." The slutty knight urged. "Do it for Hood. Do it for Saber. Do it for Karen Kujo! Do it for every British hero you can think of!"

I felt my strength returning to me as I continued to hear everyone's voices, their prayers…

But one stood out.

"Koei… I _know_ you can do this." IF said. "If you can fight me, you can fight _her._ Please… Please make it through." She prayed for me despite everything that happened between us… She still cared.

And **that** is when I Awoke and felt… **ABSOLUTE.**

**(Current Music - ABSOLUTE - Megadimension Neptunia VII)**

Kicking Uzume's leg off my chest, I knocked her off balance enough to _uppercut her in her smug-ass face_ as I got back up and dusted myself off.

I must have hit her pretty hard as sh e was now on the ground, more stunned by my sudden turnaround than the actual force of the punch. I looked down at myself and saw my aura, yes but also my _heart_ glowing in my chest. Reaching in, I pulled out a sword.

It was Planeptune Purple and around the same length as Serenity. The blade itself glowed with everyone's prayers and faith and the handle had a single word etched on it.

"**Salvation**."

I checked out the simplistic short sword. My wrist no longer hurt as I held the blade in my left hand… In fact I couldn't feel any pain whatsoever. I didn't want to ask questions as Uzume soon recovered once again, her dark aura providing an opposite to my own.

We stood and stared each other down. We knew that this was _it._ Planeptune's past versus the future saviour of Gamindustri. No words needed to be spoken as the prayers of Planeptune drowned out my hearing anyway.

They faded eventually, but I still felt them support me as I raised Salvation to the sky, a bolt of purple lightning striking it as a familiar buckler and gauntlet fell from the sky… Somehow.

Looking up, Purple Heart had airdropped the Artifacts with a salute before flying back down outside the arena. Thankfully the flames didn't also cover the top.

I lowered my blade as I equipped the other two Artifacts and mentally prepared myself for the _true_ final battle.

"Iffy… This one's for you." I smiled sadly as I put Serenity and Salvation's blades together before separating them once more.

Enough messing about. It was time to **end** **this**.

And _that_ was when _my_ theme kicked in. "Uzume… I'm going to win." As the lyrics of the song I queued up on my phone kicked in, I had regained my confidence as I put my phone in my pocket. "Not because I'm more powerful. Not because I have my friends. Not because of the prayers of those who have supported me..."

I stared her dead in the eyes. "Because I'm the **fucking protagonist.**"

**Koei Tech**

**Vs. **

**Uzume Tennoboushi**

**THIS IS WHERE TOMORROW BRINGS A NEW GAME!**

**IT'S TIME TO LEARN THAT PAIN IS GAIN!**

**READY? **

_**FIGHT!**_

**(Koei Tech's Theme - No Pain No Game)**

I charged forward as Uzume did the same, preparing a flame infused punch as I leapt into the air, landing on her shoulders before leaping again, launching a powerful dual blade strike from above, smashing her face with both swords, _slamming _her into the ground into the ground, cracking the circle as Uzume's body hit the ground.

She groaned, before punching the ground, getting herself back up. "That _hurt_." She got up and stared at me, death in her amethyst eyes. "I'll _end_ you."

She tried to throw a punch, but I tossed my swords in the air and grabbed her gloved hand. "**Cute.**" I twisted her hand in a similar method to what she did to me when we first met. "My… How the turns have tabled."

She responded by headbutting me, catching me off guard as the blades clattered to the ground. Quickly recovering, I smashed her face with Grace as she was trying to grab a sword, giving me the chance to grab both.

Having the advantage, Uzume attempted to strike me in the face, but tried too soon as I was still getting back up. Shaking my head in disappointment, I slashed at her chest in a cross pattern, knocking her back as I charged my next move.

"That crystal move gave me an idea... " I mutter as both blades started to glow, before I kneeled and stabbed them into the ground, two pillars of ice bursting out of the ground, one purple and one cyan. "I _will_ give my all today! **SHARD BARRAGE!**"

I used both swords to shatter the ice, causing shards to rather predictably fly everywhere, many of which hitting Uzume herself and the rest dissipate as they hit the flame barrier. Noticing the flames die down for a second, I nodded in understanding as the second verse started.

Having recovered quickly, Uzume opted to counter attack with a roundhouse kick, which I deftly blocked with the blades of Serenity and Salvation, forcing her to fall back or risk losing a leg.

Using my inner power, both blades were enchanted with fire, suiting the colours of each blade as I slammed both into the ground, purple and blue fire erupting from the ground, forcing Uzume away as I approached, the flames not burning me as I approached the goddess, feeling _truly badass_.

"Time to end this." I stated calmly as the flames died down. While my demeanour was tranquil, a hidden fury burning deeply inside as both blades glowed in the relative darkness of the arena.

As the second chorus ended and the _rocking_ guitar solo began, a blizzard started to form unexpectedly, starting to freeze Uzume as I approached even closer. "Now listen here, _Uzume._" I start my rant, my tone scarily calm. "You have taken a lot from me. You took my friends. You took my sword. You took _Iffy._ All to bait me into a fight." The blizzard intensified as Uzume's torso started to freeze over. "Now here we are, with all of Planeptune behind me, you immobile… And I'm about to use my Limit Break." I gave a smug smile as her neck froze, leaving her unable to do anything but stare. "Let me ask you, how do you feel that you're about to lose _everything?_"

Silence.

"Thought so." Was all I responded as the blizzard died down. "Now…" I almost teleported behind the former goddess with how fast I moved. "**GLACIAL!**" A swift kick launched Uzume into the air as I followed, Serenity and Salvation giving off a blinding light as I prepared to finish the fight in style. "**CLEAVE!**" I _slammed_ both blades into Uzume, forcing her to plummet to the ground as I landed with a _crack_, forgetting that I was human. My power had been expended as I knelt, panting heavily.

Noticing a shadow above me, I quickly dodged an aerial assault from Uzume despite my tiredness, her fist _annihilating_ the ground as the shockwave knocked me back, the song calming down as I was temporarily stunned.

Uzume cracked her fists and cricked her neck, her clothes showing signs of damage, as well as her face having several cuts on it. "I'll admit. I underestimated you." She said, preparing for her next strike. "Planeptune really must be putting their faith in you if you're actually fighting _back._" Her dark aura became even more powerful as her grin turned maniac. "Too bad they put their faith into a **failure**."

Seeming to teleport to me, she unleashed a flurry of punches, screaming as she did so. I was unable to block any of them, seeming to come out faster than light as she uppercutted me into the sky. I saw the three Neps gasp in horror as Uzume grabbed my leg, my weapons not having come with me on my trip as she threw me into the ground with a resounding _smash._

For the first time sime the fight turned in my favour, I felt pain. A _lot_ of it. Not only that, but the fall snapped my phone in two, stopping the music that had helped me fight in the first place.

**(Song End)**

Still, that wasn't important… I was in **agony.** Even more than when Iffy unleashed her ultimate attack. Trying to get up, Uzume had already grabbed me by the shirt, lifting me with a single hand as… Oh fuck.

"Let's see how much damage your _faith_ can do." She held Salvation in her other hand. "**Die.**" She stated with unrestrained fury as she shoved the sword in to my torso before throwing me to the ground with a smirk, seeming proud of handiwork.

Thankfully the blade didn't pierce any vital organs… Probably wanted to watch me die in agony, I figured.

Laying on the ground, I turned my head to my right to see Serenity, still embedded in the ground at least. I tried to reach for it, but it seemed like miles away. Putting my arm down, I sighed in resignation. This was **it.**

"Ah, there it is." Uzume taunted, not even bothering to move. "The sigh of defeat, knowing that _all_ of Planeptune will watch you **die.**" She laughed. "Who's the cocky one now? Even your precious _Iffy_ will watch your agony as you fade from this world. Should have never **fucked **with me, Koei. A shame, too. You actually got some good hits in."

I grunted, sick of hearing her smug tone, the thought of poor Iffy sat at the Basilicom, watching me die…

No. I won't let myself die at the last hurdle. This ends **here.** IF wouldn't put up with this… Why the fuck should I?!

Resolve in my very soul, I grunted as I reached towards my new sword, still impaled in me. With an agonized grunt, I pulled it out, breathing a sigh of relief as I slowly, but surely started to get back up.

"What in the… _how the fuck._" Uzume got out, mouth agape in utter shock in what was happening before her eyes. "Why are you getting up? You **know** I can put you back down again without trying." She tried to threaten… But even she didn't believe what she was saying anymore as the flames surrounding the arena started to fade.

"Your delusional energy is finally running out…" I got out, coughing up blood as the newly reddened Salvation was now my crutch, helping me to my feet as I headed to Serenity. "You can't convince yourself you're the hero anymore, huh?"

She clenched her fists in utter contempt. "I… I… I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!" She yelled, trying to threaten me as the flames faded more. "I will **destroy you!**"

"How?" I ask, slowly feeling my pain fade. I wasn't _recovering_, but I certainly did feel better. "That move you tried… That took a _lot_ of power… As did maintaining your barrier…"

She pointed at me in rage. "Stop trying to talk your way out of this!" She demanded. "I'm only giving you a chance so I can… I can…" She looked down at her feet, her eyes starting to fade from the dark purple to a lighter shade. "Why…"

"I had faith in you." I smiled. "Seems that combined with the citizens of Planeptune… It countered your Negative Share Energy."

Uzume fell to her knees. "By the Goddesses… What have I done?" Her voice started to break with the realization of what led her down this path. "I've hurt so many people…"

"NepG, can you get the feed off?" I ask the tech wizard. "Uzume and I need to talk… Alone."

Nepgear nodded and pulled out her… Device thing. "With her delusions broken, it should be a cinch… Huh, seems they're already down."

"That would be me." Histoire's voice echoed through the world. "I saw that fight and have been working tirelessly with Anonydeath to track down the source. Turns out her mind was linked to the Internep all this time, allowing her to broadcast her mind to all of Planeptune's servers. I don't know _why_, but she was always a fan of the early Internep…"

"Makes no sense. But I'll take it." I smiled. "Now then, can you get the other three out of here, and start to work on getting us two out?"

"Indeed I can!" Histoire beamed. "Good luck Koei… And Uzume."

The former goddess didn't even lift her head. "I know." She admitted in defeat. "Just make it quick."

Silence. "What? I was going to say that I always believed in you… Part of why I kept that room was because I always knew this would happen." Histoire sighed. "I'm sorry Uzume. I should have done as you asked as soon as I found out."

"Love makes you do crazy things." I smile. "It's like Faith for CPUs, but more personal. It can empower, it can destroy... " I looked up to the sky. "It can even bring you from the brink. I'm not surprised that all this came down to two people in love, separated by a tragedy nobody could have stopped."

I heard a clapping noise. I turned to the source and it was the CPU of Planeptune herself. "Well said, Koei. I knew you could day we met, on the outskirts of Planeptune, I knew you would do great things. You're might not have _wanted_ to be the protagonist, but you've grown into a great one. Nobody wakes up thinking they **want** to be one, but when fate comes a knockin', you gotta answer the door before they break in."

I stare at her. "That _started_ well, at least."

Neptune gave me a thumbs up. "RIght, we're gonna go now. Beam us up, Histy!"

With a flash of light, the three were gone, leaving me and…

Uzume hadn't moved. She was still on her knees, still thinking. I knew I shouldn't have done anything and waited for her to be ready, but sometimes you have to make the first move.

I put a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay." I say simply, compassion in my voice. "I can wait a few hours if I have to."

She shook her head. "No, this has gone on for long enough." She started to walk to the edge of the arena, looking down at the abyss. "What I've done…" She sat down on the edge as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"As a famous band named after food once said… I'd do anything for love." I start **the talk**.

"I went too far." Is all she said in return. "Why would I do what I did?I could have just…"

"Don't bother with "What ifs". You can't change the past." I shook my head as I remembered my own chequered past… From _before_ all this. "But you can reflect on it to change the future."

Uzume didn't look at me. "For a hero, you definitely sound like you've done your fair share of evil."

I bit my lip. "I wouldn't _call_ it evil, but we're all the hero of our own story. Sometimes all we need to change is a different perspective on things." I told a half-truth. I'd never done anything on Uzume's scale, hell I hadn't even been arrested until the incident in Lowee. But this was about _her_.

"In that case…" Uzume finally turned to face me. "What do _you_ think?"

I leaned back as I thought. And thought. And **thought.** I was completely willing to forgive her, but everyone else…

Fuck it. I'd vouch for her if I had to. "I think everyone deserves a second chance. It's the philosophy I've lived by so far and look where it got me!"

A ghost of a smile appeared on the former villain's face. "I suppose you have a point." Her face fell again. "But… _everyone_ saw what I did. While you can forgive me all you want... " She looked at her gloved hands. "I'm a CPU with no followers. I'd be lynched on the streets after trying to kill everyone."

I pull her into a hug. "I'll vouch for you."

Silence reigned in the nigh-empty dimension for a few awkward seconds before Uzume hugged me back. "If it means being able to see Histoire again… I'll do anything."

Letting go, I noticed that she was smiling again. I think she had finally accepted who she _truly_ was.

She wasn't the tomboyish amnesiac CPU.

She wasn't the delusion-fueled former goddess.

She was _Uzume goddamn Tennoboushi._ And she's going to show the world that her fate wasn't meant for her.

"The road to redemption is a long one, Uzume." I got up, happy that she was on board with me. "But I'll walk it with you."

Uzume got up herself, dusting herself off. "After what you've done for me, I'll happily walk it with you."

Hopping out of the arena, Uzume happily followed as we walked down the ruins of Planeptune, it slowly shifting to the bustling metropolis that I knew and loved.

The home I had fought tooth and nail for.

As we approached the Basilicom, significantly shorter than what I remembered, I opened the door, letting Uzume through as I followed.

Salvation lies within our broken hearts, after all.

**End of Part One.**


	34. Epilogue: New Game, New Life!

**A/N:** Here we are. The final chapter. Give me a second…

*pop*

(Gah! Where am I? - Koei)

Hey.

(Oh Goddesses… - Koei)

I wanted to give you an ending you deserved, but before that… As I gave Neptune the chance to read the mailbag before, want to read the final batch for me?

(... Okay. - Koei)

Awesome. Over to you, my friend.

(So… Here we are.

**Ryan4ever2016: **I'm sure the author loved writing it as much as you did reading. My adventures in Gamindustri might be coming to an end, but at the same time, I'm okay with that. A nice, idyllic life sounds good to me.

**Incognito Doom: **All good trainwrecks must stop burning eventually. It seems we're finally approaching our last stop. It is bittersweet to know that my adventure is over, but satisfying at the same time.

**Adstradea:** Iffy… Regardless, this last act has been hell for me. But I know one thing. I did the **right** thing by sparing Uzume. Even if I lose Iffy forever, I know in my heart that I could give _everyone_ a second chance.

…

…

Alright, I'm done. - Koei)

Thanks mate.

(Before I go back… - Koei)

Hmm?

(I want to sort of thank you? It's weird to be thanking your own creator, but… - Koei)

No thanks are needed. This served as a great outlet. Been a pleasure writing you.

(Been a pleasure being your meat puppet? Fuck if I know... Can I go back to drinking now? - Koei)

Aye…

*pop*

Alright. One final chapter. See you on the other side, my friends.

* * *

"Oh Koei, heroes aren't born."

…

"Fuck. You. You're no boyfriend of mine."

…

"The sigh of defeat… Knowing that _all _of Planeptune will watch you **die.**"

…

"You're the protagonist, Koei. It's inevitable that you'll face some struggles."

…

"Uh Koei? You to have an... _aura_ about you."

…

"**Everything will be alright once you embrace your destiny."**

Hclegend presents:

**Sociopath With a Spellblade: The Epilogue**

**New Game, New Life!**

* * *

I gasped for breath as I woke up, the machine that connected me to Uzume's consciousness finally off as I fell out with a _thud_. Feeling around my body, I was shocked to see that my scars from the last few fights were gone. My wound from my first encounter with Noire was there obviously, but the ones I gained from Uzume and IF…

Shit, Uzume! Rushing over to the pod that contained her, I pulled open the door as the former goddess breathed for the first time in years.

* * *

The first thing I heard after waking up was the sound of a door opening as bright light flooded in and I took my first breath, my body defrosting at a rapid rate as I looked down at my gloves.

This was… Reality.

"You doin' alright? "Koei asked, a worried look on his face as I shook my head.

"Yeah, just getting used to real life again. I'll step out in a minute… Go tell Histoire I'm home."

He nodded before rushing off as I mentally prepared myself for the reunion with the Oracle. The tiny girl who stole my heart.

* * *

I rushed up the stairs, back to the chamber that housed Progression, out the door and up the elevator as i looked around for Histoire. But found no such book fairy.

Running up and down the place, I did however bump into a _very_ peeved looking Compa, blocking the door to the bedroom I called my own. "Koei." Was all she said as I gulped. I _just came back_ too!

"Look, Compa… I need to see Histoire." I told her the truth.

"She's talking with Iffy. I don't care if she prayed for your safety, _I'm _not letting you break her heart again. You _fucked_ with the wrong nurse."

I took a step back in surprise as the nurse _actually dropped the f-bomb._ "Y-yikes. Alright. I can wait out here."

She nodded and crossed her arms. "I'll make sure their conversation _stays_ private. You may make yourself some tea while you wait."

Nodding, I did just that as I finally had a moment to sit down and _relax_, despite Compa's death glare. I had to compose myself, at least. I collapsed at the table, my legs ignoring my commands as I felt woozy, the memories of the last few days sorting themselves out as I put my head in my hands, a cup of tea made and sitting nearby.

"I really need to stop going into comas…" I mutter to myself as the elevator dinged and the former CPU stepped out, also woozy.

"Man, comas _suck._" Her tomboyish tone shined through as the edgelord walked towards me and sat down opposite me. "You don't look so hot yourself, Kosy."

"Kosy?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, thought of it while I tried to find my way around. Along with a _lot_ of other things… Mostly relating to Histoire." Uzume sighed. "You know in hindsight, this might have been a bad idea…"

I patted her shoulder. "Hey, I got girl troubles too. Compa over there is trying to make my head explode with a death glare while Histoire and iffy talk… I know she prayed for me, but I don't think I'm ready."

"Don't rush it." She said. "Talk to her when you think it's right. Preferably when Compsy's not around."

The nurse glared at Uzume. "The nickname is very nice, Uzu-Uzu." She said, tone unchanging. It was actually kind of freaky.

"Man, what happened to her?" Uzume reeled back a bit. "Looks like you wailed on her childhood friend or something."

I raised an eyebrow. "So when do I tell her it's _your_ fault IF got into the state she did?"

"She **WHAT!?**" Compa yelled, storming over to the former goddess, who was terrified of the usually very nice Compa.

Despite being you know, an arch villain who plotted _genocide_, the scariest thing in the room was still Compa. That is actually kind of impressive.

"Well, judging from the noise in here, things are back to normal…" Histoire floated over as Uzume jumped up, nearly shoving Compa out of the way as she did so.

The Oracle and CPU stared each other down. It got real awkward, _real_ fast. Eventually, Uzume spoke.

"Histoire… I'm home."

"HI HOME, I'M DAD!" IF yelled from the bedroom, causing all tension to fall apart as Compa pinched the bridge of her nose.

"At least she's _sounding_ better." I mutter.

"Unfortunately… Her injuries were pretty severe. She'll be bedridden for several more days at _least_." Histoire broke the bad news as she floated in front of me. "While she's calmed down since _the incident_, I'd recommend not talking to her right away in case her condition worsens."

"Yeah I don't want to wake up in an ice bath missing my kidneys." I rub the back of my head nervously. "What happened to her, anyway? She seemed fine enough to slug me in the face."

"Mana Burnout. A pretty _bad_ case at that..." Compa sighed, pulling out the medical record. "She only collapsed after she returned to the Basilicom with Big Nep-Nep. That combined with the injuries **you** caused." She seriously nearly killed me with that look. "Means that she'll be bedridden for a few days yet… I haven't told her about that, as I didn't want to cause her undue stress. Goddess knows she's felt awful about how she treated you."

I raised a hand. "Wait, if she's injured and bedridden, why am I fine, aside from the after effects of the coma?"

"Because everything that happened there was in my mind. While it _felt_ real, it was still ultimately a dream." Uzume explained, taking a sip of tea. "As I had Neptune drag IF to Heart Dimension, her _physical body_ was the one on the line, not a manifestation. Though either of us could have died from cardiac arrest if our manifestation died… So the stakes were still high."

I blinked. "Does that mean that Salvation-"

"Yeah, sorry. If we got out of Zero Dimension via Big Nepsy's NepNote, you could have kept it… _and_ all your injuries." Uzume pointed out.

Fair point. "Alright, but back to the topic at hand… How's IF?"

"Better. Her hand is still healing up, along with her other injuries. Pretty much broke it slugging you in the face." Compa shook her head. "I would have done the same if you said that to me."

I sigh. "Not entirely undeserved, to be fair." I hold up a gloved hand to stop Compa before she could start a tirade. "I know you want to tear me a new asshole for what I did to her, but you have to understand… She wasn't herself. I _had_ to defend myself at least."

"Possessed by my delusional energy." Uzume confessed, continuing to her own cup of tea. "If you want to blame anyone… Blame me. I'm why they fought."

Compa glared at the both of us. "I'm still livid with Ko-Ko, but causing him undue stress so soon after his fight with you… Would break my oath." She pinched the bridge of her nose again. "Alright… I'm going to go get some air and think things through." She stared at me one last time. "Try **anything** while I'm out and you'll find out why I'm called the Planeptune Butcher." Compa left me with that chilling thought.

"And she's your _friend?_" Uzume finally said after Compa was long out of earshot. "I know I was a genocide driven lunatic less than an hour ago… But _she is something_."

"You haven't even met the sadist yet." I chug my tea, once again forgetting that TEA IS HOT. Some things never change. "Well, Celestia should be open by now. I'mma go get hammered."

With that I promptly fucked off.

* * *

Opening the door to my favourite bar on the Citadel, Jill was cleaning out glasses as usual. "Oh hey, Koei!" She waved happily at me. "Saw what happened on the TV up there, can't believe you got run through by that nutjob…" As I gave her the stink-eye I sat down in my usual spot. "Shit the bed, you didn't kill her, did you?"

"Worse. I made _friends_ with her. Get me a Beer… I'll tell you from the start. It's a **long** story that needs a lot of context."

* * *

_One week and a retelling later..._

I smiled as I finished my Beer _and _my story. "And thus, the grandiose tale of Koei Tech, the Sociopath With a Spellblade comes to a close."

"Huh. Solid A for effort… Bump that F to a B. Minus."

I shrug drunkenly. "Fuck it, close enough!"

"So you've been coming here for the last week to stay out of IF's way?" Jill continued to clean a glass. "Girl trouble… Sucks to be you."

"Ah well, if it doesn't work out, I got Uzume here." I pointed to the also drunken former Goddess.

"Right on, Kosy!" She slurred, clearly not able to handle her drink.

"How many has she had?"

"Seven Pile Drivers. All on your… 25,353 Credit tab. Including interest and tax." Jill finally calculated as she examined her notebook. "I take cash or credit."

I sigh and hold out my UI Glove. "Good thing that saving the world gave me a huge payday from Histoire." I scanned the glove as the machine glowed a green light.

"Hot damn, I'll actually be able to _eat_ this week!" Jill confirmed that my tab was in fact, paid off. "You truly _are_ my favourite customer!"

I waved her off. "Whatever. But now that you know everything, what do you think I should do? I haven't talked to Iffy yet and as much as I like the apartment, that double bed is _awfully lonely._"

"Yet I sleep on the damn sofa..." Uzume muttered to herself, tanking her eighth Pile Driver of the night. "This shit's actually really good."

I looked at Jill. "Well, there's a 5pb. concert on tonight. Why not stop drinking here and go see her?"

I sigh "Because the seats were sold out while I was a _fucking dream coma, thanks Uzume._"

She shot a drunken thumbs up. I flipped the bird back.

"That and I _know_ IF got a ticket, because Compa warned me she'd gut me like a fish if I went anyway…" I sighed.

Jill put the glass down and gave me a slap across the cheeks. "Ow."

"Snap outta it." She got back to her usual business. "That does _not_ sound like the Koei Tech who just threw 25 grand at me. That sounds like a _bitch_ who _hasn't_ saved the world."

I stared her in the eyes while I continued rubbing my cheek. "If you want to win her back, you have to do something that the Koei Tech who took a _fucking sword_ to the torso would do. Something so _stupid_, so _needlessly reckless,_ so _reta-_"

"Yeah I get it. Grand gesture of love." I get up. "Could you make sure Uzume doesn't die of alcohol poisoning until I get back? Also, put on the TV while you're at it. I think they're broadcasting the concert." I walked out of the door, determination in my veins as I walked out into the Planeptune night.

It was time to win her back. The only way I knew how.

The Koei fucking Tech way.

* * *

Here we are… Planepark. Judging from the idol songs blasting, the concert was ongoing as I snuck into the back, taking out any Planeptune guards in my path as I made my way to the main stage.

Thankfully the spotlight was focused on the singer/guitarist herself as I grabbed her by the throat, wrapping my arm around her as I pulled Peace.

"ALRIGHT! Nobody moves or the idol dies!" I yell into the shocked crowd as a record scratch played. The four CPUs were into action, floating near the stage as Purple Heart recognized me and put a spandex-covered hand to her face.

"Oh my fucking god Koei… Of all the stupid shit…" She muttered as the other CPUs didn't move. Good, the hostage worked.

"Helena, it's alright. I'm bluffing." I whispered into her ear as I loosened my grip to let her talk.

"Uh, Koei? My headset is still on. You just told everyone my real name." 5pb. sweatdropped. "That and you just said that you were bluffing…"

SHIT. I quickly put Peace to her head. "Well, _now_ I'm not! And don't think I don't see you coming, Cave!"

"Dammit." Was all she said before moving back into the shadows.

"Alright, we'll give." Purple Heart nodded as she put her sword away as she landed on stage. "What are your demands?"

"One song." Was all I said.

"I… What? Not money, or a helicopter or-"

"WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM _IDEAS?_" White Heart yelled at her fellow goddess. "He's a fucking _terrorist_!"

"I am certainly terrified right now…" 5pb. muttered, to which the crowd nervously laughed.

I sighed, putting the gun back to 5pb.'s head. "Just… One song. I'll come quietly after that, I promise."

Purple Heart shrugged. "Your hostage situation. Just let the idol _go_."

I rolled my eyes. "Course I'm going to let her go. I was _bluffing._" I let the young idol go. "Ya got any mics?"

Nervously nodding, she pointed to a microphone on the floor, to which I walked up to and tapped, causing the speakers to echo the tap. Alright.

"This one's for you, Iffy."

**(Current Song - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith)**

As the instruments faded in, I mentally prepared myself as I looked at the crowd who were understandably a combination of scared, angry and confused.

I warbled on the first few notes due to nerves, but gained my composure before I got to the first verse. For obvious reasons, I can't actually _show_ you what I sang…

But I can tell you everything else. To my shock, the crowd started to clap along after the first chorus, it triggered by someone on the front row. As I continued to belt out the greatest love song ever written, 5pb. joined in, playing her own guitar. I turned around in the middle of the second verse and well… It was a video of _us._ The moments we shared. The first time we met in Lowee…

As I got to the second chorus, it switched to us laughing and drinking in Celestia…

Then it switched to us fighting in Lowee with Blanc…

Our short "quest" in Planeptune…

Finishing the second chorus, it switched to our reunion in Ultradimension, complete with her slugging me in the face, much to the amusement of the crowd present.

Our Halloween party, including us fighting the zombified dragon… Wasn't that a drug trip?

When I got to the line about kissing, her peck on the cheek to me in Lowee, making us a thing.

As the bridge to the chorus started, it cut to our fight in Heart Dimension, I saw the grim resolve on my face as her unblinking eyes shed that single tear… I didn't need to see that to remember it clearly.

Turning around to avoid the grisly imagery, I used that feeling to run towards the edge of the stage, sliding on my knees as I fist-pumped to the drop to the third chorus.

Pyrotechnics went off as I stopped singing, letting 5pb. Do the final chorus herself. In my excitement I was trembling, sweating… And crying, knowing that I fucked up and was going to lose her forever after what I pulled.

As the song faded out, there was only silence. Then came the clapping of a single person. Others joined them as I panted, still on my knees, trembling like a leaf as the crowd started to cheer along with clapping.

Yup… Everyone was applauding domestic terroism. I love Planeptune.

As the applause died down, I heard her voice from behind me. "Koei…"

I got up and turned to IF, who had a death glare in her eyes as she approached me, spotlight on her. "Aside from being _clearly_ intoxicated, you crashed an idol's stage show, commited domestic terrorism and caused a _hostage situation, all so you could __**sing a fucking song to me?!"**_

Hoo boy. This was a mistake. She was face to face with me now. Her glare softened. Did it…

"That's the man I love." She pulled me into a hug as the crowd cheered again as I picked her up and span around, overjoyed at my insane stunt actually _working_.

"Well… I missed you baby. And I didn't wanna miss a thing." Quoting the song I just commited ruining my reputation for.

"That'll get us DMCA'd." Purple Heart sighed as we seperated, now holding hands, much to IF's embarrassment. "Koei… You're facing _serious_ crimes here with that stunt you just pulled. And I can't just let you get away with it because you saved Planeptune… That sets a bad precedent on us all."

IF sighed. "I have to agree. It's a lovely gesture… But it wasn't worth it."

"I vote to overlook this." Green Heart stated, having White Heart in her arms. "If I was in the same situation with my darling Blanny…"

"Don't get me wrong," White Heart was blushing from her nickname being used. "What he did _was absolutely the dumbest fucking thing…_ But he commited domestic terrorism to win back the girl he loves. You gotta respect that he did all this just for her..."

"Love makes people do crazy things." I rubbed the back of my head with my free hand.

"Are you two as drunk as _he_ is?" Purple Heart argued back. "Were we watching the same _fucking _hostage situation?"

"Neptune… I can't believe I'm actually saying this…" Black Heart facepalmed, clearly not comfortable with what she was about to say. "But get that stick out of your ass. I'm with the other two on this."

"I… _FUCKING __**SERIOUSLY**_ _NOIRE_? You give me shit _day in, day out_ about doing my job properly and the one time I do you-"

"Neptune…" The Lastation CPU sighed. "Let him off. Just this once. He _did_ save your nation when you attacked."

"Oh _come on!"_ The purple CPU yelled. "This is bullshit!"

I shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better I'll go turn myself in now?"

Purple Heart sighed in frustration, the situation clearly not in her favour. "Look, if you _promise_ not to pull anything like this again, I'll pardon you."

"I swear on my pride as Planeptune's saviour. I'd die for this Nation." I promised.

"Good enough. Now can we resume the frigging concert?" She motioned for us to get the hell off the stage as we complied, helping IF down as I did so.

Walking back to the middle of the stage as Purple Heart herself floated off, 5pb. resolved the situation. "Cheers for the happy couple! Don't worry about me, I'm fine! Uni had a lock on him **if** he did try anything!"

As the crowd cheered, I spotted the glint of a rifle way outside the stands on the roof of the dome. Christ, that could have ended badly. Well, worse than it did already.

As the cheers died down, 5pb. rubbed the back of her head nervously. "Now that my personal friend is here and kinda… Broke the news of my real name…" She sighed. "This is actually my farewell concert. 5pb. is retiring. Not because of the hostage thing, I swear!"

Gasps of horror came from the crowd. "But hanging out with Koei made me realize something… I got into the idol scene because I loved performance and it was the only way I could make money at the time when I moved to Gamindustri. I got so swept up in fame and fortune that I lost sight of who I truly was. Some of my more hardcore fans might know that I've been releasing albums for years featurig power metal under the name "Helena." The truth is that Lyrica _is the alias._ I'm not even _from_ Leanbox!"

More gasps. "But that changes today! The reason why 5pb. is retiring forever is because Helena is going to rock Gamidustri to its core! But to help me with that, all the way from Hello Continent… **LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FRIEND USS SAN DIEGO!**"

The crowd cheered even harder as the sprightly redhead ran on stage. I think I saw her preparing before this entire hostage thing. "Hello Planeptune! Helena and I are going to rock your socks off as Seven Hels make their debut!"

Interesting. The idol held for applause before continuing. "Now for our debut single, you know it! You love it! _The Hero of Planeptune's theme song itself, NO PAIN! NO GAME!... _The EileMonty cover."

Confusion came from the crowd as 5pb- Sorry, _Helena_ rubbed the back of her head. "Yeah… We couldn't get the actual EileMonty booked in time, so I had to get Sandy here. Pain in the _ass."_

A few chuckles in the crowd as the giant screen behind them started to replay the fight between Uzume and I as the light cruiser turned… _Rock goddess_ started to play the English version of my own goddamn theme song.

"Last Episode Theme Reprise, huh?" Neptune walked up to us, apparently having calmed down with a pudding in her mouth. "Honestly I should have expected you to try and crash a 5pb… Seven Hels concert." She corrected herself as she put a spoon full of custard in her mouth as we watched the duo rock out.

"Hell of a duo." I mutter as IF wrapped her arm around me.

"You talking about them or us?" IF gave me a peck on the cheek as Helena played the guitar solo like a champ as the feed showed… Me getting the shit kicked out of me. Typical.

"Man, what a fight." I muttered again. "How did I _live_ after taking a beating like that?"

IF shrugged. "Beats the hell outta me. Cool looking though."

I nodded in agreement as we listened to the concert. Surprisingly, Helena opted for an encore, covering of all things, _Dragonforce's My Spirit Will Go On._

That guitar stood **no** chance.

Still, we quietly enjoyed the ear shredding guitar solo, just happy that the world was at peace finally.

I mean I knew that something would go down _eventually_ but for now I might as well just roll with it.

The game has only just begun, after all.

* * *

**A/N:** Ladies and gentlemen, we're here at the end and well, I have mixed feelings about this. I've been saving this extra long Author's Note for the _very end_ and I'm going to use it.

First of all, _thank you._ Reading, favouriting, commenting, whatever. While my primary source is of course passion of the medium, you guys did give me ideas from time to time and I think it improved the fic by a lot, having this special author/commenter interaction is rare because most people tend to not write fanfiction or respond to comments.

Alright, onto the story itself. I think I stumbled a bit at the start, keeping chapters short because I hadn't written anything for _a while_ at that point. I think after _Lost in Lastation_ I started to get my sea legs, so to speak. I think in general I had a _good enough_ mix of original ideas and familiar Neptunia concepts to make it seem like a spinoff title like _Superdimension Neptune _or something like that.

Speaking of original… Koei himself. I've gone on record many times saying that he's heavily based on me. Hell, I learned recently that _Luke Skywalker_ was based on Lucas himself and while I haven't really sat down and watched _Star Wars_, the fact that it's still relevant today shows that sometimes you can just write what you know and the story flows from there. KoeIffy was a shock to be sure, as I never really _wrote_ romance, but I think it made a good side-thing and **really** upped the tension in the final arc. Also made for a cute, fluffy end as you just saw. Maybe a _little_ too cheesy, but I wanted to do something only _Koei _would be stupid enough to pull off, even if I do admit, having him get off scot-free was a bit of an ass-pull.

Actually, a **lot** of this was ass-pulls. The problem with my brand of "100% Maximum No Chill" writing is that planning ahead is a _good_ and you should at least write some cliff notes before you start a story. Stops you meandering about for several chapters (See: Ultradimension arc.) and it might flow more naturally.

Of course, coming up with things on the _fly_ can be a good thing. A good many ideas just **came up** as I listened to music. Hell, a lot of the music I used in later fights (Such as in _I F F Y_) were **directly inspired** by the source. Straight up, the Miru fight in Rabi-Ribi is an amazing payoff for nearly a whole game's buildup. It's fast, frantic and _brutal_. Even on my third playthrough I was sweating on those last few hits and I wanted a similar tone for _I F F Y_. Hell, the original title of it was _I.F.F.Y_ like the song _M.R._ but FanfictionDotNet is fuckin' weird…

But yeah, on the fly things like Neptune being from an alternate timeline, Uzume getting a "True Form" more resembling a Planeptune CPU (That **always** bothered me that Kurome never got her second chance. I know she's a dimension destroying lunatic but you basically kill half of Uzume. Kinda fucked up, even if you don't get the Normal ending.) and of course, Chromey getting her appearance.

Yeah… Kinda forgot she existed. Too busy lore-dumping Uzume's backstory, making her care about Histoire and her former Nation. Acutally **giving the fucking villain a motive instead of **_**BECAUSE SHE'S FUCKING **__**EVIL.**_ That game had some _serious_ writing issues, but so did this. So uh… Uni got the hell out of dodge along with Chrome before everything started to go to shit. Arbitrary bullshit, yay!

(It was more important to have the Neps for moral support anyway.)

As for Altradimension Neptune herself, I have _plans_ for her. Honestly, the whole timeline thing was a crock of shit I made up, but it makes sense considering she can hop universes on a whim, _I guess!_

I dunno man, the Neptunia-verse is such a mess, trying to make sense of it all **and** writing an original narrative is hard.

Endings are hard too, but we have to let go sometimes. Before we go, I want to thank a few people.

Velvet_Frame aside from making the cover art, is a very close friend of mine. They've helped me through thick and thin emotionally and is generally just chill as fuck. Love ya man.

Pretty much anyone who has influenced my work by commenting. Too many names to list and I don't want to give preferential treatment, so I'll just say _everyone_!

And last but not least, Cirno the Genius. I already mentioned HA-V3N and how he was _directly inspired_ by me, but I never mentioned how **fucking good **it is. If you've played VA11-HALL-A you'll feel right at home in HA-V3N. With his blessing to use Lan Cable, Koei might even run into him in a future chapter…

**That's right folks. It's not over.**

See you next time for _Old Friends, New Family_, the first of several "Bonus" chapters, tying up loose ends, including ideas that I couldn't use in the story due to the last arc taking over _the entire damn fic_ and just because I enjoy writing this.

Until then, for those who have read. I salute you. Thank you for reading.

* * *

**Sociopath With a Spellblade**

**Initial End Results**

**Completion Time: 199 Days**

**Total Chapters: 34**

**Ending Achieved: The Saviour/Happy End**

**Thank You For Playing!**

**Ver 1.0.0 Build Date: 17th January, 2020, 2:27pm**

**Ver 1.0.1 Build Date: 31st January, 2020, 4:46pm**


	35. EX 1: Old Friends, New Family

**A/N:** Hello, hello! Welcome to the first of several "bonus" chapters! Remember that super serious tone the last few chapters had? Forget about it, we're going back to what you love!... Mostly.

Character development is hard, okay?

I mean, it's still the fluffy shenanigans that you signed up for, just with some heavy shit added in at least for this chapter.

This thing went way too far...

**Loading save file "Koei Tech"**

…

…

**True Ending completed! Drinking Buddy: Uzume Tennoboushi unlocked!**

**True Ending completed! "No Pain, No Game" T-Shirt added to inventory!**

**True Ending completed! Bonus Chapter: "Suplex the Shark" unlocked!**

**True Ending completed! IF has gained "Flame Awakening" form!**

**True Ending completed! IF has learned EXE Drive "Apocolypse Supernova"! (Only usable in Flame Awakening form.)**

**True Ending completed! Koei Tech has relearned EXE Drive "Glacial Cleave"! (And won't **_**nearly die**_ **this time!)**

**True Ending completed! The Artifacts can be used in New Game Plus!**

**True Ending completed! New Game Plus unlocked! Talk to Altradimension Neptune in Planeptune to start the story again, but keep your memories, EXP and inventory!***

**True Ending completed! "Road to Redemption" campaign unlocked!**

***This won't happen.**

**EXTRA DLC Detected! Loading Chapter EX1: Old Friends, New Family...**

* * *

After the concert had ended, IF and I hung around the Planepark for a bit, catching up over the last week or so of events since… _that_.

Of course after the crowds had left, there was only the staff around, including the newly revealed Helena who we happened to run into.

"Ah! Koei! IF!" She seemed to burst with confidence now that she no longer had to hide behind a persona. "I really do wish to congratulate the two of you on getting back together!"

IF nodded. "Thanks."

I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, sorry about the whole hostage situation thing."

To that, Helena giggled politely. "You think that's the first time I've had someone try to pull that on me? The only reason why you weren't shot _is_ because we're friends!"

I tilted my head. "Friends don't force each other into hostage situations?"

Helena giggled again. "Oh you get what I mean. I have a signal for Uni to take the shot. If I was in danger I would have used that in a heartbeat! I knew you were bluffing the whole time."

IF sighed. "Your newfound confidence is a little worrying, but if Purple Heart herself pardoned him, there's not much anyone could do unless you insisted on pressing charges."

Helena shook her head in response. "Koei's been nothing but helpful to me. Not just for the first time we met after my kidnapping, but for treating me like a _person_ rather than an _idol._ Made me realize that I enjoyed being myself more than the Lyrica persona I put on."

I gave a genuine smile in response. "Thanks. Guess you don't get a lot of casual banter between friends."

"Not really." She sighed. "But with Seven Hels now up and running, Sandy and I should have a lot of fun times together. Obviously Cave will still be around and Uni can sometimes cover me, but Sandy can take care of me on-stage. She's a former shipgirl, you know."

I nodded. "Yeah I get what USS means, Azur Lane cameo, very funny." I looked at my watch. "_Shit,_ Best get going before they close up the Planepark. Good seeing you Helena!" We started to head to the exit.

* * *

Planeptune is still so pretty at night. The purple lights lighting up the streets as the ivory pavements made street lamps almost unnecessary.

Of course, finally being together again I just had one question for my darling girlfriend. "Celestia?"

IF smiled. "Was just about to ask the same thing." With that it was a simple walk back to the establishment.

Opening the doors to the bar, Jill and Uzume were waiting, Uzume in the middle of a Crevice Spike and Jill cleaning out more glasses. Noticing the sound of the door opening, Uzume gave a wave. "Kosy! Ifsy! How's it ha-"

One left hook to the face from IF later, Uzume was now rubbing her broken nose, Jill looking at the guild member incredulously. "Normally I'd reprimand you for that, but she _has_ been rather annoying. That and Koei told me pretty much everything over the last week, so I get why you'd want to do that."

IF was shaking the pain out of her left hand. "Yeah, sorry about that Jill. Just needed to get that out of the way so we can get off on a neutral foot." She held out her still aching left hand. "IF. Guild agent, girlfriend of the Hero of Planeptune, local spellblade."

Uzume shook her hand. "Uzume Tennoboushi. Former goddess, former genocidal maniac and current alcoholic."

IF raised an eyebrow. "He got to you _fast_, didn't he?"

"Not really." Jill was back to cleaning glasses. "This is actually her first time here. Looks like she was just making up for lost time."

I sat down at the bar, potential fight now over and the usual tone re-established. "Beer please."

Jill nodded as she finished cleaning the glass, grabbing a Beer mug and starting to pour my usual. "So, I kinda noticed that you haven't really said anything about the time between you fighting Uzume and now…"

I shrug. "Had to get my girl back." I turned and gave her a headpat, to which she did not hide her squee. "Speaking of…" I pulled out the plush I had been carrying in my pocket since Heart Dimension. "You dropped this at some point, but it gave me the resolve to find you."

Dusting off the slightly dirty plush, she gave a truly genuine smile. "I'll admit… I missed this. Wish I had it when I was bedridden." She pulled me into a hug. "Thank you Kopey."

I blushed. "You're welcome." I remembered what started this topic at hand. "Oh right, yeah, the last week has been… Pretty uneventful. Even if I've been conscious for all of it."

Jill had picked up a new glass to clean. "Yeah, that was the answer I expected. Got any highlights?"

"Well, I could talk about what happened after Kosy left for this place." Uzume rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "I know that it's a bit weird to be going back to the part he was talking about earlier, but…"

I shrug. "We're past the main story. It might be more interesting to change the story structure."

Jill stared. "Wouldn't it be better for a spin-off or something?"

IF put her left hand to her chin. "Well, it's not like we're going to be rocking the boat too much. If we're all here drinking, the framing device is still the same. Plus the epilogue _did_ leave one too many loose ends for my liking."

I sigh. "Yeah that sounds like someone who had too much ambition and no plan trying to desperately tie up things without looking _too_ much like a tool." I stared at no one in particular. "And no, the meta humor _does not_ excuse it."

Jill put a glass away and started to make a drink for herself. "Sorry, but I kinda need a drink now that you're all discussing the fourth wall." She took a shot glass, poured some vodka in and tanked it, before starting to clean it. "_Please_ don't tell me it will always be this meta, if someone catches me drinking on shift, I'll lose my license."

I looked at the other two bar patrons, making a wordless pact of secrecy. "Our lips are sealed. After all, I told you about… _that._"

Jill finished cleaning her shot glass, before filling a glass with water to presumably get it off her breath. "Oh yeah. You know, I don't think you should trust your own manifestation of yourself on that."

"He _did_ kinda make me realize that I have Medium Awareness as a Neptunia protagonist." I pointed out. "Though I probably ended up slipping a few times in the retelling, huh."

"It's a **long** story, Koei. Surprised I didn't interrupt earlier. Guess I was just invested."

"Yeah…_coughortheauthorsahackcough_" I mock coughed, causing the assembled party to roll their eyes.

"So… Me at the Basilicom?" Uzume interjected before I could further discredit the story.

"Oh right! Yeah, let's do that." I nod.

* * *

"Well, Celestia should be open by now. I'mma go get hammered." Koei got up suddenly, apparently craving a drink as he left without another word, leaving me with a cup of tea and some very awkward things to explain to my former enemies.

"Just like Koei…" Histoire sighed as I realized that for the first time since freezing myself, we were alone. Well, not totally but it's not like IF could get out of her bed anyway.

"I still can't believe he managed to beat me, honestly." I was still processing my limited recollection of my time as a genocidal maniac as Histoire "sat" opposite to me.

"He and Neptune butt heads a lot, but they are similar in one aspect. They always give it their all when Planeptune is on the line." She smiled sadly. "Just like you did."

I put my head in my hands as the overwhelming guilt of my actions still haunted me. "Goddesses above, Histoire…"

I felt a small hand on my shoulder. "I'm just happy to have you back. If you're realizing the weight of your actions, it means you're willing to work to make sure you never make the same mistake."

I smiled. "As usual Histoire, you're right. How did it go back when I was CPU? I was the brawn and you were the brain?"

"Exactly. With my memories of you now restored, we can continue our relationship on the same parameters that we ended it on if you wish." She offered, a ghost of a smile on her tiny face

I thought about it, leaving an awkward silence between us as I considered the ramifications of such a thing. "I… I'm not even sure how long it's been. It has to have been years, though."

Histoire nodded. "Yes. 20 to be exact. While you and I haven't changed, Planeptune- No, all of Gamindustri has. On further consideration I realize that you require some time to readjust. How is your mental state?"

That came out of nowhere. "Well, I still feel like I'm two people if I must be honest." I rubbed my temple. "I can feel my better half's presence within my heart and it's why I can feel remorse, but I don't think we've fully joined back together yet."

Histoire nodded solemnly. "You do still look like the Uzume who fought Koei, the purple haired goddess I remember."

I never thought about _who_ I might look like upon awakening. "That's not good. I vaguely recall projecting my mind to everything connected to the Internep, so everyone saw me…"

"That isn't a concern as long as you lay low until word of your reformation is spread." Histoire put a small hand to her chin. "I suppose the only problems your appearance would cause are to the CPUs, but-"

"OH GOD SHE'S BACK! NEPGEAR, GRAB THE DUBSTEP CANNON!" Neptune had come in at the exact wrong time, having dropped her pudding in shock as I sighed.

Nepgear understandably came rushing in, beam sword in hand as I looked at my successors in the eyes. "Do I _look_ evil to you?"

Nepgear approached me cautiously, clearly the more rational of the pair. Kneeling down to see me face to face, she stared for nary more than a moment before getting back up. "False alarm Neptune, her eyes are lilac-ish, not the crazed dark purple she had."

"R-really?" Neptune rubbed the back of her head nervously. "I thought Kopey would have you know… _Killed her_."

I got up, the awkward situation not getting better with my sigh. "Look, I know what I did was wrong. I made your fight your own Nation-"

"AND I got _special treatment_ from Sadie! You're SICK, **SICK!**"

My eyes instinctively went half-lidded. "I don't know who this "Sadie" is, but I sent you _specifically_ to fight Koei." I shook my head, my face becoming neutral again. "_Regardless_, I am sorry for what I did to both you and your older sister-"

"Hey! I'm the older one here!" Neptune corrected. "It's a Mario and Luigi situation here."

I turned to Histoire, rubbing my temples in frustration. "She's _always_ like this?"

Histoire nodded as I turned back. "I'll talk to you, then." I pointed to Nepgear. "I am remorseful for my actions and wish to spend my days doing what I can to fix my mistakes. If you wish, I will even live here in the Basilicom in order to ensure you can keep an eye on me."

"There _is_ a small problem with that…" Nepgear rubbed the back of her head nervously. "Not the part where you're working to redeem yourself, I'm sure once you explain yourself to the other CPUs they'll understand, but…"

"I'll break the bad news to her Nepgear. Please return to what you were doing." The book fairy floated to where Nepgear was standing. "Due to IF being bedridden and the potential conflict she would have with you once she fully recovers and is told the truth… I'm afraid for your safety neither you nor Koei can live here for the time being."

My face fell. "O-oh… So we can't even spend time together?" The disappointment I felt was immeasurable.

"You'll still be allowed to visit, of course. But my hands are tied on the living situation, at least until IF can move into Compa's apartment again." Histoire pulled out a pair of keys. "Thankfully, Planeptune's housing situation is more than adequate for you two to share an apartment."

I took both keys. "Let me guess, you want me to give one to Koei, as he's gone to Celestia to go get hammered?"

Histoire sighed. "I know he's been through a lot today… Recently in general but he could have _waited._ It's a good thing I can give him a call on his gloves."

I blinked. "Wait, his _gloves_ are his _phone?_"

Histoire smiled as the tone of the conversation changed. "Oh yes! Lastation has been hot on the heels of Planeptune in terms of technological advancements, especially as the two have been more willing to work on projects together since the treaty!"

I crossed my arms. "Treaty? Back in my day, we didn't _need_ a piece of paper to be friends."

Histoire shook her head. "Many things have changed since your time. Unfortunately, relations between Nations broke down after a Lastation/Lowee console proposal fell through. This escalated to a full on "War" for Shares. It was most unfortunate that it ended up like it did… But Koei helped reunite the CPUs under a single banner. If you had attacked only a week or so earlier…"

I blinked. "I could have won if the Nations were still at war... " I shook my head. "No. I'm not like that anymore. I'm glad the Nations are cooperating and I'm _especially_ glad that I was stopped. Who knows, I might even explore Gamindustri now that I'm not tied down to being a CPU."

Histoire smiled. "Excellent to hear. In fact, cross Nation relations have never been better! Vert and Blanc are even dating."

Now _that_ was shocking. "Never thought I'd see the day. Then again, before I was frozen Leanbox was a brand new Nation and Lowee was too focused on their image while Lastation just _dominated_ the Shares market…"

Histoire nodded. "That is in the past now at least. The best we can do now is look towards the future."

I put my index finger on her shoulder. "Land of Purple Progress isn't just there for show. We were always trying to get ahead of the game. I believe that's enough reminiscing. I should probably see how my successors have done."

"There's a balcony just behind you if you want to see how far we've come." Histoire pointed out helpfully. "If you have any questions for me, I'll be doing paperwork, but I'm sure Neptune… Well Nepgear could give you a tour." With that she floated off.

I turned around to the glass doors leading to said balcony. Histoire and I spent many a night here, reminiscing over the day's events, planning for the future… Or just talking.

Maybe just this once. Grabbing the handle, I opened the door and breathed _actual fresh air_ for the first time in over 20 years as I felt a breeze…

A breeze from home.

**(Current Song - A Breeze From Home (Vocal Version) - Epic Battle Fantasy 5)**

Taking the steps required to look over the balcony, I was blown away by how much Planeptune had grown since my time. Not only did it feel much higher than the balcony I was used to, but the buildings and streets seemed to stretch out forever.

I gained a sad smile as vague memories of what I said under my delusional state rose. They were wrong of course, but I had so much confidence when I said such things at the time.

I felt a tear start to roll down my face. To think… I had tried to destroy this wonderful utopia. For what? A lie I told myself to cope with the fact that _I_ failed my own Nation?

Truly I must have been delusional. I killed thousands. I broke families. I did awful things under the influence of something and told myself it was never my fault in order to justify it.

Pulling myself up from the railing to stand up straight, my resolve hardened. No longer would I linger on my past mistakes. Trying to turn emotions into Shares led to the biggest mistake of my life…

* * *

"Uzume, I'm not sure about this." Histoire warned, as my magnum opus had been revealed. A machine that could turn the user's emotions into Share Energy. "This could very easily go wrong…"

I shook my head. "Nonsense. This is just to get a leg up on Lastation. You _know_ we're struggling for Shares, so why not play to our strengths?"

Histoire put a hand to her chin. "I have a gut feeling that this could go horribly wrong… As your advisor-"

"What's the worst that could happen?" I interrupted her. "As a CPU, I already gain strength from my followers. This is just a bit of a boost for emergencies only." I tried to assure my Oracle, who seemed uneasy.

"A-Arlight… Please be safe, Uzume. You know how I've warned about trying to use technology to generate Shares." She left the room as I stepped into the machine for the first time. I had to admit, I had just finished the machine and was excited to test it out.

…

* * *

I sighed. Histoire was right, using that machine _was_ a mistake. I didn't think that it'd turn _negative_ emotions into Share energy and all it took was that small bit of anger I felt towards her to ruin everything. I didn't remember much after trying that machine out, but when I came to…

The memories didn't bear thinking about. I had gone through them too much in my time under my own delusion's influence.

"Planeptune is pretty beautiful, isn't it?" I heard Neptune's voice as she walked out to the balcony, revealing the interdimensional mercenary herself. "How's it hangin'?"

I sigh. "Just going over painful memories. Looking over this balcony made me think of Histoire… I still don't think she's forgiven me for that incident. She was right."

I saw curiosity in her eyes, but she relented. "Yeah. I understand what you mean." She took out a picture and handed it to me. It was her other self, her sister and Koei.

I blinked. "Where did you get this? Did Koei give it to you or something?" I gave it back to her.

"I never did tell you that I was under your delusion once, did I?" She sighed. "You managed to win in my original timeline. You broke Koei's spirit and he disappeared without so much as a goodbye."

All I could do was keep staring out, not even moving. "Oh…"

"I only agreed to be your mercenary because you started to make your move on Planeptune when I ran into you. I… I just felt I could help him win this time." She smiled sadly. "Thank the Goddesses I said the right thing to him as he needed it. It hurts to lose someone you love."

"Seems we're all linked by that now, huh?" I reflect on my actions once again. "Koei lost his girlfriend either way, you lost your entire dimension… Seems like I'm the only one who got their loved one back… The least deserving of the lot."

Neptune shook her head and put a hand on my back. "Don't blame yourself for what happened in an alternate timeline. It was a version of you that ended up never seeing the error of their ways and in a way, I still managed to find myself a loved one."

"Yeah…" I agreed. "How is Nep Jr. anyway?"

"Doing well. In hindsight, you wouldn't have been able to do anything if I refused, would you?" She contemplated, hindsight being 20/20 and all.

I sigh, remembering that day. "Not really. It was more playing off the fear than anything else. I'm sorry I did that and I hope you and her have a wonderful life."

"Thanks." She took her hand off my back. "I should probably go check up on her. Want to see her in person?"

I considered for a moment. "Well, I told myself I wouldn't keep living in the past. So why not?"

The mood had lifted a bit as Neptune opened a rift. "Come on then, I'll show you around."

I followed her into the rift, but not before taking one last look at my former Nation. It did better than I could have imagined without me.

No wonder I hired Neptune's services.

* * *

The mood had darkened quite a bit in Celestia as I finished off a drink. "Fucking hell." I mutter. "That escalated a fair bit. Going from talking about the past to straight up revealing how you gained your delusional powers and talking about… _That_."

"I was still getting over the shock on that first day. I'm better now." Uzume smiled and took another drink of her Crevice Spike. "I've accepted myself and my actions. You were right, Koei. You can't focus on what ifs."

"I'm curious about this "Nep Jr." though." Jill admitted, cleaning her glass. "I vaguely recall Koei bringing up something about Big Neptune _having_ to work for you because you threatened something precious of hers."

Uzume nodded. "I'm not proud of that. But as I said, it was more the fear of the threat than of me pulling it off. In a sense I was bluffing."

* * *

Stepping out of the rift, we were in a pretty generic apartment complex, something I could have imagined being from my time. Taking a key from her pocket, Neptune unlocked the door to hers and walked in, only to be assaulted by small black and purple lump.

"Mama!" The adorable voice of a tiny Nepgear, maybe no older than 5 or 6 years old hugged her…

* * *

"A _literal_ Nep Jr." I said, realizing what Uzume implied. "Damn, Big Neptune's a MILF."

I felt a _look_ from IF. "If my right hand wasn't still in a cast from slugging you, your head would currently be on the counter."

Ah fuck, forgot she was here. Abort MILF comments!

"Yeah, as it turns out after she started a new life in her version of Ultradimension, she had a child…"

* * *

"Then the b-sword had an affair with some bimbo named Tekken." Neptune sighed in frustration, the two chatting like old friends while Nep Jr. played in the corner. "The only reason why I didn't slug him when I found out was because then Nep Jr. would have been put up for adoption due to the father not wanting anything to do with her and me being _in prison for assault._"

I sipped my tea. "You know, I could go find him if you want…"

Neptune shook her head. "No point. He'd find _some_ way to track it to me. I don't want revenge anymore anyway. Because I'm happy with my daughter and that's the best revenge of all."

I nodded. "I guess I'm still getting used to this "good guy" thing."

"Change takes time, it's alright." She put a hand on my shoulder. "I didn't just bring you here to meet my daughter after all. We've been through a similar situation and wanted to give you a safe place to kinda… Talk about it if you want to."

I smiled. "Despite our differences you still are a Neptune, huh?" I put down the cup. "But I can't really keep wasting your time like this. You're a mother after all."

"Yet I'm still an interdimensional mercenary. Gotta pay the bills after all." She took a look at her watch. "Actually, speaking of, I have a babysitting job in like 5 minutes. You wouldn't happen to-"

I stared. "_Neptune…_"

She sighed. "Yeah, maybe the woman who _just_ attempted to destroy Planeptune would be a bad influence." She opened up a rift and I stood up to leave, but not before Neptune did herself, giving me a tight hug. "If you ever need to talk, you still have my number." Letting go, she let me go on my way back to my Planeptune.

* * *

"Aw, that's sweet." Jill had finished cleaning glasses for now and was just listening intently to Uzume's story. "But I have _one _question."

"Shoot." The former goddess finished her Crevice Spike. "I might actually like these more than the Pile Drivers."

"Another one then while I ask you. Obviously Big Neptune is from an alternate timeline, but is her version of Ultradimension the same as ours or is it a different one?"

She put a hand to her chin. "I _don't know._"

"I do!~" A mature voice came from a rift as Big Neptune joined us.

Jill sighed. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't open interdimensional rifts _in_ the bar itself."

"Well, whatevers. I'll have a Sugar Rush while I answer your question. I just put Nep Jr. to bed so I can have at least _one_ drink.

I took a drink of my Beer. "So… How'd you know we were talking about you?"

"Narrative convenience." She shrugged. "Hey, I'm _still_ a Neptune."

Jill served the interdimensional mercenary her drink. "I guess you're over the legal drinking age if you're a mother, but just in case this Sugar Rush is non-alcoholic."

"Thanks, love." She took a swig of the pink mixture. "I don't really drink anyway, because of Nep Jr. being a handful, but sometimes I might have a cheeky one if she's already tucked in."

"So… The version of Ultradimension?" Jill prodded.

"Ah. Well, originally it was _my_ version and for a couple of years we did stay there… Then of course Nep Jr.'s father had to be a cheating b-sword who wanted nothing to do with her. So I figured why the heck not and moved to the exact same apartment… But in _this_ timeline's version of Ultradimension. Took a bit of work, but this was when Nep Jr. was still a baby and I was going from dimension to dimension getting everything sorted with both versions of the landlord. Utter pain, but it was for her sake more than anyone else's…"

"So in summary, you're in _this_ timeline's Ultradimension now." Jill stated.

Big Nep nodded. "Yup. That's why when I started hearing rumors of a rift between dimensions I knew that things were going to get pretty serious soon. As much as I didn't _want_ to get involved for the sake of Nep Jr. more than anyone else…" She pulled out a picture and handed it to me. It was the same one Uzume had described before. "I had to do it for _them._ It was only fair if I got my second chance… So should you. Even if I had to risk Nep Jr. for it."

I gave the picture back. "Thanks Big Nep. Genuinely."

"I'm only alive because you intervened… So is Kopey. So thank you." IF gave a genuine smile similar to the one when we reunited at the Helena concert earlier.

Big Neptune rubbed the back of her head and blushed. "Oh you _guys. _I just did what anyone with the power to cross dimensions and so happened to have a chance of preventing a major tragedy would."

I shrugged. "Fair enough. Anything else?"

Big Nep smiled. "Yeah actually, I figured out it was _this_ version of Ultradimension not long after Uzume left, actually…"

* * *

Closing the rift on my NepNote, I cleaned up the cups and prepared for my next job.. Babysitting. Bit of a step down from saving the world, but it was a step down I was willing to take for my daughter.

Speaking of, she was still playing the corner, but seemed… Kinda lonely. I never really considered that she would be at the age where she should be meeting others and developing social skills. Guess I only noticed now because I had some downtime and wasn't focusing on saving Hyperdimension.

A knock at the door indicated that my current job had arrived. Opening the door, there was a face I hadn't seen in years… Noire.

Obviously not _my_ Noire, but still Noire. A rush of bittersweet memories came over me as she cleared her throat.

"L-look, I know I shouldn't be leaving three kids with someone I've never met, but I _really_ need to be getting to my job and the one who usually looks after them is… Well you wouldn't believe me if I said it, but-"

"Fighting an interdimensional war?" I guessed, thinking of my own recent job.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Y-yes! How did you- You know what, if you know Plutia, I can trust you… _I guess_."

She stepped back, revealing the three kids she had asked me to look after, stood in a line. "Meet Compa, IF and Peashy." She pointed at each child, who seemed polite enough.

I bent down, smiling at the adorable charges I had to look after. "Well, aren't you the cutest little tykes in Planeptune?"

I think they noticed my… Assets but I ignored that as I got back up, "Well, how long did you say you were going to be busy for?"

She didn't look me in the eyes. "At _least_ a week, but I don't know when Plutia will be back, so I left your address and number at her place just in case she gets back earlier than that. You think you can look after them until then?"

I saluted. "Course I can. My daughter could do with some friends, anyway. But just in case something goes awry, could I trust you as my emergency contact?"

She nodded. "I just can't afford to be looking at them at _all_ times of the day. But as a mother yourself… Oh that came off wrong!"

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it, I'm never out for more than a few minutes." This wasn't a lie, as I always did daily shopping by using Crosty's rifts, saving the travel time and meaning I can get more shopping if needed without straining myself too much.

"Fair enough. Now excuse me I have about three weeks' worth of paperwork to get through." She said with a heavy sigh before leaving. I shut the door behind me, realizing the tykes had run past me and were already with Nep Jr. They seemed to get on well, great even so I left them be as I pretended to go to the bathroom, but headed to my bedroom really.

Shutting the door behind me, I went over to my drawer and got out a locked box that only I had a key to. Opening it up revealed a set of pictures and memories from my old life as a CPU. Nepgear, Vert, Blanc, Noire, hell even a picture of Koei.

Taped to the inside lid of the box was a picture of me, Iffy and Compa. My two BFFs. I finally let the tears roll down my face as I stroked the picture.

"You two are going to get on with Nep Jr. great, I know it." I said with a bittersweet smile as I closed and locked the box, putting it back in the drawer as I left to go babysit the four.

One day Nep Jr. will learn the truth about me. And I hope after that she'll still accept me.

* * *

"Koei… Are you crying?" IF asked with a look of concern. I definitely was, but determined not to let anyone know.

"It's just… Beautifully tragic. Your two best friends back in your life… And they'll be your daughters' friends. Every time you look at them all together, you know you'll never have that same bond you once had…" I smile sadly as I turn back to Big Neptune.

"Yeah… But I'll still see them as Nep Jr. 's before mine. When Nep Jr. first started to show an interest in technology, I knew that fate was throwing me a bone by at least letting me raise my sister right this time. Speaking of, I should go check on her. I hope my explanation was good enough and apologies for making this bittersweet." She got up to leave the bar and I heard a rift open.

"Life is like that sometimes." Jill cleaned out Big Neptune's glass. "I think even despite how cruel that was, I still think she'll appreciate that her daughter will have three of the best friends anyone could wish for."

I nod, wiping the sadness away. "Yeah. I'm just kinda glad I didn't lose anyone like she did."

Mutters of agreement came from the others as we continued to drink, simply enjoying the company of my newest and oldest friends.

* * *

**A/N:** NEXT TIME on Sociopath With a Spellblade: MORE FILLER, LESS KILLER.

Koei's new fate is revealed! A new MMO releases, wowing all of Gamindustri, and Jill takes a day off! How will Koei poison his liver?!

FIND OUT NEXT TIME!


	36. EX 2: PSF, OPEN UP!

**A/N:** Happy Singles Awareness Day! This is going up a day early because Crosswave launches today and I'll be… Busy… For… Unrelated reasons.

No mail? I suppose there's not much to comment on. I bet all the regulars are like "Oh it's over." and stopped reading.

I had these drafted up before the final chapters dropped anyway. Mostly.

On with the carnage?

* * *

"Koei! Koeeeei! Come on, get your ass up, it's already 11am!" Was the first thing I heard today. Weird, but okay…

Getting out of bed, I put on my clothes and headed out of the bedroom to see IF cooking pancakes with her left hand. "There's my alcoholic."

I blinked. "Aw fuck, am I dreaming again?"

IF put her non-broken hand to her chin. "Hmm, let's figure this out together!" She proceeded to slap me in the face with it. "Seems real to me!"

I was still pretty confused. "I thought you hated me? I legitimately remember nothing after finishing telling my story to Jill…"

"Then you crashed a 5pb. concert, took her hostage, sang a power ballard and won me back. A shame you don't remember it… Because it worked."

Clutching my head, I started to actually _remember_ what happened. "Oh yeah. Thanks for the reminder, love."

"You could probably guess what happened next. We went to Celestia, I got to slug Uzume in the face and we got hammered… I think Big Neptune talked about her daughter as well."

I shook my head. "You have to understand, I got _wasted_ last night. I went through my darkest hour after _already_ having several drinks…"

She opted to give me a hug. "It's _alright._ We both made mistakes on that day. Though mine was more "breaking my right hand" than "severely injured my girlfriend.""

I sighed. "Your ultimate attack backfired…"

She punched me in the shoulder. "Just messin' with ya. Gear was nice enough to pass that on for you. You didn't mean any harm and I kinda _was_ willing to make amends when you got back…"

I rubbed the back of my head. "Histoire told me to just leave you be and Compa… Is **Compa**. Oh god we live in the same apartment complex, _is that door locked?_"

IF put a hand on my shoulder. "Relax. She mellowed out a lot after I recovered anyway, so she shouldn't be trying to murder you… _Yet._"

"Goddesses _above_, can you two shut up?" Uzume groaned from her makeshift bed. "I haven't felt this bad in 20 years…"

"Welcome to hangovers." I said simply before heading to the kettle and starting to prepare a cup of tea. "Maybe don't tank _eight Pile Drivers_ and leave me with the bill."

"Look all I know is that it tasted like orange and alcohol, I didn't know how strong it was…" Uzume clutched her head as she rose up, her purple pigtails bouncing lazily as she did so.

"Huh, forgot you lived here." IF remarked, going back to her pancakes. "Good thing I made six pancakes. Sorry Kopey, I'm going to have to give up a pancake each."

"Or you could make three more." I point out to which I get a _stare_.

"I'm making pancakes with _one hand_." She reminded me.

"I'll start making some toast or something?" I point to the standard issue bread burner included in every Planeptune apartment. Seriously, they had standard issue appliances for everything, it's super generous, even if the appliances themselves are a tad basic.

"Nah, two pancakes a piece should be more than enough. I was just making sure. That and I knew she'd wake up from the smell and it seemed better than kicking her off the sofa." IF denied my request to burn toast as she finished off the last pancake, coupled with a drizzle of syrup, with two other near identical plates next to it. "Food's up!" She announced as Uzume finally got up.

"Good. Tell me which one you poisoned so I can die with some dignity." She snarked, looking at each plate with a critical eye.

IF sighed dramatically. "_None_ of them are. I thought we buried the hatched after I punched you in the face last night."

Uzume raised a hand and put it back down. "Shit the bed, the chunni has a point." Was all she said before grabbing a plate and fork and going back to the sofa.

"You poisoned mine, didn't you?" I rhetorically asked to which IF rolled her eyes.

"No, the _syrup_ is poisoned… Just eat the fucking pancakes." She stated, before grabbing her own fork and sitting down.

Of course, being a three person sofa, we were all able to sit down, albeit a little tight as we watched the morning news. Nothing _interesting_ though. I mean unless you consider the announcement of a new portable Lowee console to be "important."... Shit the bed, I guess it was.

"Beats murder." I mutter as I munch on pancake batter.

"Yeah, all you got on the news before the Treaty was propaganda about Planeptune being _awesome_… Eventually I stopped watching the news because of it." IF remarked as Uzume stared at the screen.

"Goddesses above, it's like I'm there…"

I facepalmed. "Uzume… There was TV in your time."

Uzume snapped back. "There were TVs, but not of this… _quality_. Or flatness! A TV this size would easily be so much bigger if it was made with the technology of 20 years ago!"

"As a former white-van man, those things are _not_ any fucking lighter." I point out before taking a bite of pancake, somewhat bitterly.

"Leave the time lost CPU be, Koei." IF chided. "Technology has advanced a fair bit since 2001- I mean her time."

"We're really doing this." I sigh. "This fanfic dates itself…"

"Shh." IF put a finger to my lips. "We all know it will. Let the magic _happen._"

I shrugged and decided to roll with the punches. "So… now what?"

IF put a hand to her chin. "Well, there's a new MMO I've been meaning to try out and I got a _massive_ bonus from Histoire for helping save Planeptune. Wanna invest in some laptops?"

* * *

Not an _hour later_ we were set up to play hot new on the block, _Five Goddesses Online_. The irony was not lost on me as Uzume watched. "Goddesses above, these graphics look like something Planeptune had in _my_ time!"

"Yeah, these are **super** cheap laptops." IF noted. "Had to turn down the graphics setting to get a decent frame rate. You on yet?"

"Yeah, but I'm slow. Picked a tank class, didn't I?"

"Shocked that you'd go for something so… Brute force." IF huh'd. "Then again, you spawned in _Lowee_. Shouldn't be shocked."

"The **fuck** is that supposed to mean?" I took some offense to that.

"No I meant your _character_. They get a racial buff to defense but lose out on speed." IF rolled her eyes as she took the ferry to mainland Gamindustri. Turns out that _5 Goddesses Online_ is a more modern take on the world. Quite literally, it being based on the recently ended Console Wars, though the war in the game is portrayed **way** more brutally. The Nations are on the verge of war, allowing you to either trust or kill players of other Nations without mercy.

We were opting to party up. Hopefully. Hopping off the subway in Lastation, my character exited the subway and my framerate **dropped**. Turns out the Lastation in this game has a bit of a smog problem. Well, the Nation's on the verge of environmental collapse but you know, video games.

"You forgot to turn off the effects in the options menu." IF sighed as she entered Lastation's port, her ID being scanned by a local NPC before walking into the deteriorating town, it looking far clearer on her screen.

"Yeah, I'm on it." Doing just that, the smog cleared up, though the sky was still a dark grey to imply the smog was still there and my framerate went back to normal. "There."

"Alright, now to head to the sub- **BALLSDEEP69?**" IF had found out my character name.

"Yeah. I was going to go with "Koei Tech" but they banned real names to prevent impersonation, didn't they?"

"I saw at least 5 variations of Vert and Green Heart on my way here." IF deadpanned as she approached my character.

"Okay **XxCr1ms0n_D3m0nxX**, simmer down." I snark back. "The fuck's with that name anyway?"

"Well you see, my name comes from my clan of magicians. As you can tell from my clothes, I am one of the elite arch-wizards of my clan, a master of explosion magic-"

"That is _literally_ Megumin's backstory…" I facepalmed as a crackle came from our headsets.

"Hey guys! You in Lastation?" Neptune called in voice chat.

"SHUT UP USELESS GODDESS!" I yell into the mic. We were using a chat program's voice function to do this. You probably know the one.

"Alright, geez. Just because I'm from Planeptune doesn't mean you gotta treat me like that, _BallsDeep_."

"Whatever, PuddingGoddess1995." I retort, taking a stab at her name.

"... Strange, I'm not even logged in."

"You could have waited for us, you know." Blanc and Vert- Sorry, **Serenity **and **Grace** arrived at the scene, appropriately dressed as heroes.

"Really? Naming yourselves after your Artifacts?" I sigh.

"Technically the heroes who wielded them. Apparently that wasn't one of the banned names. Probably because they'd be used for a lot of other people's names too." Blanc exposited, while I turned to her with a smug grin.

"You knew _exactly_ what I meant with that comment, BallsDeep." IF retorted.

"We could probably just stick to our normal names." **MagicalGirlNowaru **filled out our party for now, as Neptune was waiting for Nepgear to log on. "Huh, nice loadout IF."

"Thanks!" The guild agent smiled. "Putting _effort_ into things can be rewarding after all."

"Of _course_ the girl who dressed up as an anime character would agree with you." I sighed. Character customization was never my forte, so I just went female and based her off of a character from an isekai I watched. Blue hair, fluffy jacket for living in Lowee with… And a giant hammer.

"Nice hammer." Blanc noted, taking out her staff. "Guess you're the meat shield for once."

"I knew I should have gone tank…" Vert sighed as she took out her own weapon, a rapier. "Why did we pick the same classes as we did in 4GO?"

Blanc's character put her hand to her temple. "Because you're hypercompetitive and wanted us to "go with what we knew"... Despite the fact that 5GO is basically a whole new game."

"Riiight." Vert recalled. "Guess it's too late to change classes?"

"Well, we got a tank, I'm the healer and you, Noire and IF can be DPS, so the holy trinity remains." Blanc reasoned, her character making a thoughtful gesture.

"Gotta say these characters act just like we would if we hung out." I noted to which Vert giggled over the coms.

"Yeah, the devs asked for feedback based on our interactions. I sent them the copy of _Sociopath With a Spellblade_ you gave me… Wait I wasn't supposed to say that part." I could hear gloved hand meeting face. "Sorry Koei, but I lived that story…"

"Yeah it was pretty bad." Blanc stated simply. "I blame the writer."

"Blanc… Weren't you my ghost writer?" I ask, remembering the night we got bladdered and told her more or less what happened. Granted I skipped a lot of details to tell it in one night, so...

"... Koei. I **will **kill you if this fact leaves this chat." Was all that was said as Uzume laughed.

"Man, you guys are a bunch of assholes." She remarked as I turned to look her dead in the eyes.

"Course we are. We're _friends._" I remark as the former CPU smiled.

"We were never this buddy-buddy, playing games and chatting." Uzume remarked, her smile falling a bit. "But then again, it was always tense between us, even if we never had a full on war."

I dismissed her depression. "Well, you have the chance now, don't you?"

The former goddess nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Alright, me and Nep Jr. are logged in." Neptune's voice came in over the call. "But we're stuck in Planeptune due to… Tutorials." You could hear the pained sigh in that tone.

"We headin' to Planeptune, then?" I ask, to which there was a muttered agreement.

Going back down into the subway, we were about to enter as a giant mecha dragon crashed through the ceiling, blocking the path.

"Well. Time to test out our skills, I guess." I brought out my hammer as the others took out their weapons with a hearty battle cry.

* * *

Several _hours_ of intense MMORPGing later, IF and I decided to call it quits, having grinded up a fair amount of levels since starting the new characters we made and closing the call with Blanc and Vert.

"Well, that was fun." I stretch my arms, them aching slightly from the intense game playing. Uzume had been watching intently the entire time.

"Indeed. Seeing how games have evolved since my time was… a thing." Uzume admitted. "MMOs existed in my time, but not to _that_ extent. All you had was text chat on the server you were on, not _live voice chat_ across the world…"

IF took off her headset before shaking her head, letting the dent the headset had made unflatten as her hair went back to its usual state. "Now what?" She pondered aloud as I started to get a call on my UI gloves.

"Hello?" I greeted.

"Ah, Koei!" Histoires voice came over the line. "I have good news. You're able to work for the Basilicom again!"

"I wasn't before?" I asked.

"Well, due to the whole IF situation, I had to make sure the three of you weren't trying to kill each other before I could get the paperwork through… Anyway, can you, IF and Uzume come to the Basilicom?"

I nod. "Sure. See you in a few." I put the "phone" down as I got up. "Alright ladies. We're going to the Basilicom!"

The two shrugged and got their sho- well, more like _boots _on as we left.

* * *

Ah the Basilicom. Even though it's only been a week it's felt like… A week. Yeah maybe that wasn't the best way to put it.

The guards let us in without a word as we headed up the elevator. Neptune and Nepgear were waiting for us as the elevator _dinged_. "Kopey! Uzume! Iffy!" Neptune greeted warmly. "Histy's waiting for you in the weird void room."

I nodded and started to walk to the void room, the two following me as we entered, Histoire waiting for us. "Koei Tech. Idea Factory. Uzume Tennoboushi." She greeted simply as Purple Heart and Sister entered the room to flank her. "You three have proven to be some of Gamindustri's fiercest forces. Koei Tech, the man who saved Planeptune. Idea Factory, the most dedicated Guild Agent in Gamindustri… Uzume Tennoboushi, former CPU of Planeptune."

"Somehow I feel the "former" part is being used to demean me." Uzume sighed.

"Not at all. Regardless of titles, you are all **extremely powerful,** that much is true…"

"Which is why between the three of us," Purple Heart entered the conversation. "We've decided to create a new military operation for you three." Each person took out a jacket, appropriately sized for each of us. "Welcome to the Planeptune Special Forces."

"Planeptune Special Forces?" I question as I took my jacket. Oooh, leather~. Purple leather at that. Flipping the jacket around, on the back was "PLANEPTUNE" in white, bold letters. It was pretty simple, but damn these jackets were fancy!

"Yes." Purple Heart answered. "You three are now working for Planeptune… Again." She sighed. "The point is, you three are now Planeptune's key _human_ protectors. Anything that requires my or Nepgear's assistance will be handed to you if we happen to be unavailable for any reason."

"Also known as: You slacking off." I deadpan, causing Purple Heart to roll her power light eyes.

"For once in my life, this is serious." She sighed. "This is a _real_ job. You _are_ Planeptune's protectors in our absence."

Uzume looked at her jacket. "I… Can't accept this." She sighed. "I already hurt my Nation once, I can't do that again."

Histoire floated to the former CPU. "Uzume… I convinced the CPUs to give you this role myself." The book fairy sighed as she put a hand on Uzume's shoulder. "I thought if you were given the chance to redeem yourself in the eyes of your Nation by working with Koei and IF…"

"I could forgive myself." She nodded, gripping the jacket with determination as she put it on. "Cozy!" She remarked as she looked at the sleeves of the jacket, now covering her arms.

"Yeah… This will work." Uzume smiled as IF and I put on our own jackets.

"Fits like a UI Glove." I muttered as IF put her own jacket on after taking off her usual one.

"Damn, this is actually nicer than my usual jacket…" "IF murmured almost inaudibly. "Guess we're all wearing this from now on."

"Excellent." Histoire nodded before handing out an ID card to each of us. "There's your official Staff ID, so you can come and go to the Basilicom as you please."

"Same situation as beforehand, just with an upgrade." I contemplated before looking at my new work mates. "Celestia?"

"Damn, Koei, you really are an alcoholic." IF giggled as we left.

* * *

"CLOSED?" I yelled at the clearly closed bar and usual hotspot for drunken tomfoolery and Jill locked the door.

"Yeah, after that tab I can afford a day off and some drinks for myself." Jill said as she ensured the door to her bar was indeed locked. "Sorry, but I've been meaning to use these vacation days up."

"But we were just about to celebrate our new jobs!" I turned around and pointed at the new PSF jacket I had for emphasis.

"In that case… Ah fuck it, why not." Jill approached us. "If you don't mind, I'll join you three."

We all stood for a minute. "Sure." IF welcomed our surprise guest. "Come on, I know a place in Lastation."

* * *

"IF. This place is a shithole." I examined the new bar in front of us. It was a hole in the wall type of place with the word "HA-V3N" in neon, similar to Celestia itself.

"Come on, you haven't even gone _in._" IF sighed "Give it a chance at least." She walked in and I pondered my own issues. It looked a bit like a knockoff at first, but then I realised it was in fact, a loving tribute to Celestia. Shrugging, I walked in.

The place was as expected, _deserted_ aside from my party. All things considered, it was immaculate. The cyberpunk-ish aura of the place felt just like Celestia, but you know, blacker.

Walking up to the bar, my jaw nearly dropped. Standing at the bar was a _man._ "Holy shit."

* * *

**To Be Continued… RIGHT NOW!**

**Hclegend Presents:**

**Safe HA-V3N**

**A Sociopath With a Spellblade/HA-V3N crossover!**

**(Lan Cable belongs to Cirno the Genius and is used with permission)**

* * *

"Holy shit." The non-descript male muttered as he stared at me with his blue eyes as he put a hand to his stubbly chin. "So, you're a protagonist too?"

I blinked at the strange man. Something was _wrong_ with him, but I needed the business. "Welcome to Haven. If you're all settled I'd be happy to serve you."

IF nodded. "Lan. Been a while. I'm going to take a wild guess on this… Two Beers, a Bad Touch and a Pile Driver, if you don't mind."

Phew. They're all drinkers at least. Judging by the jackets, the two strangers and IF were part of the same group too. So… Two Beers. As I started to mix up the ingredients, I turned to my mentor with a smile. "Speaking of a while, how are you Jill?"

She shrugged. "Well, I decided to have a day off, hence why Koei and the others are _here_ rather than my place. Kinda crashed their party but I think they don't mind."

Koei, huh… The purple haired stranger also seemed familiar but I didn't want to ask questions as I mixed up her Pile Driver.

"Yeah, we're kinda all colleagues now." IF offhandedly mentioned as I started to finish up the order. "Apparently Neptune -yes, _that_ one- set up a military branch for us three. We're now the protectors of Planeptune if both her and Gear happen to be busy." I served the drinks on the tray as each person grabbed their preferred beverage. "Thanks."

"We were all trying to murder each other not a week ago." The male muttered. "Goddesses above, _that's_ a hell of a story." His eyes widened in surprise as he put down his drink. "Oh! Right!" He held out a gloved hand… Hey isn't that a UI Glove? "Koei Tech, protagonist, Hero of Planeptune and **very** obvious alcoholic."

"Lan Cable. Owner of Haven, protege of Jill," The bartender gave a wink. "And general nice guy, I guess."

Hand shaking done, Koei took a drink. He's taking a Bad Touch as if it was nothing.

"While we're doing intros, I'm Uzume Tennoboushi… Pretty badass name, I know." The purple haired girl finally spoke up in a tomboyish tone. She sort of reminds me of… "Former Planeptune CPU, arch-villain who nearly _destroyed_ said nation and current member of the PSF."

Huh. A former Planeptune CPU, the saviour of Planeptune himself, IF and my old boss are all friends. Go figure.

"I am great, I know." He smiled smugly, causing me to raise an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Ignore him." Jill stated. "He's got a few screws loose due to his "Protagonist Aura." She air quoted before getting back to her Beer.

"Seconded." Uzume agreed.

"Thirded. And _I'm his girlfriend_." IF replied, revealing that she actually got into a relationship, surprisingly.

"Fourthed." Koei muttered just loud enough for the other patrons to hear. Well, despite his ego he seems self-aware enough.

"You have that _aura_ too, Lan." He mentioned, pointing at me while holding onto the glass. "It's not as _strong_, but it's there."

I stared at him incredulously. Whatever could **that** mean, I don't know.

"Well, he's a good guy and pays his tab… _Eventually_." Jill sighed into her Beer mug. "Man, feels weird being on the other side of the bar again."

"But a good kind of weird?" IF replied, to which Jill gave a nod.

"Honestly? I blame the concussion." She said and everyone laughed as some kind of running gag or something I wasn't aware of.

"Thanks, I guess." He rubbed his head. "Goddesses above, even if it never technically happened, I'm still feeling pain from those last few fights."

I was interested at this point, but decided to keep my composure. "I heard on the news. Seems that someone hacked into all of Planeptune's televisions and such to broadcast that fight."

Uzume held up a hand. "That was me. _Long _story short, my mind was hooked up to the Internep… For **some** reason." She sighed as she muttered something about "Histoire"".

"Yeah, but it did lead to her reformation so it's all aight." Koei concluded, taking another drink. "You got anything going on, Lan?"

"Not really." I state truthfully. "Only thing that's happened so far today is me restocking my shelves. Ever heard of Gust?"

His eyes shrank to pinpricks. "_Oh Goddesses Above and by Saber's right thigh, no._"

IF sighed as she rubbed his back in a caring manner. "He got scammed out of over 2500 credits when we were on… A mission." IF explained as Koei downed the rest of his drink.

"That was in fact, asinine. One large Moonblast if you don't mind." Koei gave the glass he used back to me as I started on the drink.

One Moonblast for the hero. "Time to mix drinks and change lives."

"Heh, you still say that?" Jill smirked at me.

"Well, you taught me everything you know… Old habits die hard, I guess."

"True that." Koei murmured. "I mean, as soon as I found out there was _booze_ in Gamindustri, I went right back on the wagon. Been drinking since before I was even 18."

"Koei." I sighed. "The drinking age is _21_."

"I'm from Britain." He said simply as I finished up the Moonblast and handed it to him. "Not the one with the raging lesbian kngihts either. Different one."

"There's **another** Britain?" I recalled the incident where I served one Million Arthur. She got so drunk she started flirting with me, thinking I was a woman.

"It's…. Complicated." He sighed. "I'm from another world entirely, interdimensional rifts that threaten all life as we know it, a dark former goddess driven mad by grief, her dimension tripping mercenary…"

"Hell of a story." I remarked, cleaning out a glass as I did so.

"I'd say I don't believe it, but it sounded true enough… Somewhat inconsistent, but a solid B minus." Jill sighed into her drink. "That and the incident in Planeptune kinda proves he wasn't totally full of it."

I nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I heard when Noire came in last night. Didn't really say _much_ about it, she said she didn't remember what happened during that time, but she woke up with bullet holes in her clothes and Uni blowing smoke out of her gun. Didn't even seem bothered about having to fight her own sister. Excited to test her own strength, even."

Koei blinked. "Maybe she's a sociopath. Sociopath With a Sniper?"

I shrug. "Ehhh, the title needs work. Regardless, that fight was _sick_ to watch. Got a boom in business from it too. Speaking of, you need another drink?"

"Sure, why not. Make it a Crevice Spike, though. I _really_ don't need to be passed out on the subway." Koei reasoned as he downed the Moonblast.

The others ordered the same drink they had before, leaving me to mix up a good four drinks as Uzume spoke up. "You know, I've never actually _been_ to Lastation before so… _is the air meant to be that dirty?_"

"Yeah. it's kind of a problem…" I admitted, having lived in Lastation for a _good while_ at this point. "I have a bandana that I wear when I'm out and about just in case."

Koei gave a wry smile. "Won't be a problem for long if Anonydeath comes through."

To which a certain Guild Member spat out her drink. "_Excuse me?_"

Koei's eyes widened in realization. "Ohhh, right. Forgot to bring that up. He's a good boy now. Compiling an environmental report to send to Kei to get her to cut down on the pollution and all that."

IF put her hands in her head. "If you count the SN1P-SNAP Omega incident, he's tried to kill you _three times._"

"And you're sitting next to the former goddess who _nearly killed him twice._" Uzume pointed out logically. "Well, if you count you _nearly_ winning in that fight as my work rather than yours… Also _you tried to kill him!_"

"Hey, the worst thing I do to him is slug him in the face." IF responded… What?

"Probably not the best thing to say in the company of a near-stranger, Iffy dearest." Koei sighed as he cringed at the taste of his Crevice Spike. "For the sake of making her seem _not_ abusive, I take hits like that as my _job_. That and I'm kind of an asshole!"

"Jeez." I rubbed the used glasses down. "Makes the legends of Dana seem realistic in comparison."

"Honestly? They probably are." Jill remarked, having had the legendary Red Comet herself as her former boss in Glitch City. "By the time Valhalla closed down we were pretty good friends. She told me the truth and I swore to take that to the grave." She gave a sad smile as she recalled that day. "But that won't stop me from spreading the rumors as they are. Gotta keep the legends alive."

"Back on topic…" Koei attempted to lighten the mood. "Most of my friends have tried to kill me at least once. IF, Uzume, Neptune, Noire, Blanc that one time, Anonydeath though we're more neutral than friends, Rei probably sees me as a friend even though we haven't talked since _the incident_…"

"You really do annoy a lot of people." I sighed as he finished off his last drink.

"That's my job. Also, that 5pb. glass? Probably going to be worth a ton now that she retired." He pointed to the glass I had received a long while ago. I noticed he did take glances at it while he drank. After this comment, he pulled out a bag of Credits and tossed them at me, not even giving a damn what the actual tab was. "That's for the good time. Keep the change." Uzume and IF got up to follow him out, seemingly happy with not having a Crevice Spike to temporarily sober up at least.

"See ya guys. I'mma hang out with Lan some more. We haven't talked in a while." Jill waved off the leaving patrons as I realized something.

"I never asked him about you and he met." I thought aloud.

Jill smiled. "As he would say, it's a hell of a story…"

* * *

Being slightly drunk and sober at the same time, we headed out of the hole in the wall bar. Lan was nice enough, but I'd rather not have to deal with Noire in the morning.

"Man. Lastation doesn't kill my lungs anymore." I noted, slurring my words slightly.

"I can't believe that was a problem for you… Pansy." IF retorted with a wry grin to indicate she was joking.

"Never a problem in Planeptune." Uzume mused to herself. "Hell, from what I saw of Lastation in my time, it wasn't a problem there either."

I shrugged. "Blame Kei."

"Who?"

I blinked, forgetting that Uzume didn't know about a _lot_ of Gamindustri at this point. "Lastation's Oracle, workaholic, hates the environment, implied I fucked Noire that one time." I explained, to which Uzume gave a curt nod.

"I really wish you wouldn't bring up that rumor." IF sighed as she put her face in her hands as we descended the stairs to the subway, lit by dim lights.

Looking around, the place was rather predictably deserted, but the subways were still running. "Huh. You'd think there'd be more people here. Or at least there being no subways at this time."

IF waved her hand. "It's an automated system. There's obviously people keeping an eye on it, but for the most part it's a self-sustaining system. People on night shifts in particular _really_ appreciate the 24/7 subway services."

"And to think, in my time we were drafting up the route for this." Uzume reflected.

"You compare past and present Gamindustri a lot, Uzume." I noted. "You feeling alright?"

The purple haired tomboy shook her head. "Yeah, just feeling nostalgic. Back then Histoire took care of cross-Nation relations, so I never saw the other CPUs."

As we waited for the next train, I leaned against a nearby wall. "So if she didn't handle the paperwork back when you were a CPU, how did you manage to not meet the other CPUs at some point?"

Uzume shrugged. "They had Oracles of their own. Inspired me to get my own after enough fiddling about with the red tape."

"Why Histoire though?" IF pondered aloud. "She already had the duty of storing all of Gamindustri's information, why would she willingly double dip as an Oracle too?"

Uzume sighed. "I have no idea. She just learned that I had no secretary and decided to enter the Basilicom and ask me to hire her… This was _before_ security was improved."

I nodded, intent on learning more about the world I now considered my home.

"Things went from there. We slowly became friends as we both worked on Planeptune's falling Share situation… My rule as CPU was rough to say the least." Uzume sighed. "Part of why I got desperate enough to… Make a mistake."

I wanted to prod more, but the pained look on her face made me relent. I'd ask Histoire later on once Uzume was out of earshot.

_The next train to Planeptune will be arriving soon._

"These things are way too convenient…" I mutter to myself as the automated purple subway pulled into the station, a few assorted business types getting off as we got on.

* * *

Home sweet home. As the train continued its eternal journey of going to and from Planeptune, we made our own journey home.

Just kidding, I had to go see Histoire. "Hey, I got some business at the Basilicom. You two okay with going back on your own, or do I have to make sure Uzume doesn't _mysteriously disappear_ under Iffy's watch?" I stared at the chunni who looked like she would _totally try that_.

"I'll be fine." Uzume dismissed my concerns. "I'll go back on my own, I have a key. Might even hang out with Compsy."

"That **will** end in brutal murder." I sighed as I waved off the former goddess, leaving me alone with Iffy…

"Oh my." I blushed heavily as I realized that _things_ could happen due to our current state of inebriation.

"Heh. Thinking of dirty things, are we?" IF took amusement at my sudden embarrassment. "You said you had business with Histoire? Might as well come with. Like a daaaate!~" She started to walk out of the subway as I processed what she just said.

"What's with you being all romantic, anyway?" I followed suit, nothing better to do.

"Oh, I'm just doing it because I like it when you get flustered." IF gave a smug grin as I stared at her. "Seems that alcohol reveals your cute side."

I rolled my eyes as I flashed my Staff ID, the guards moving out of the way as we entered the elevator.

_Ding_

Neptune popped her head out. "Hey, you don't live here anymore! Don't tell me you _already_ got kicked out of that apartment complex."

I shook my head. "Nope, just business with Histoire."

Neptune's face… Fell? Huh. "Oh." She disappeared as quickly as she appeared.

"Koei? You're here quite late." Histoire floated into view, still wearing her usual outfit despite how late it (Presumably) was.

"I'm here on business." I smiled at the Oracle. "I have some questions about Planeptune's past."

The tiny fairy seemed to beam at my curiosity. "I'm shocked, but sure. What would you like to know?"

"I want to know about Uzume." I said simply.

Histoire froze for a minute. "I see. Now that my memories have been restored, I can recount her time as CPU in almost perfect detail. Is there anything in particular you'd like to know?"

"What happened that day. What caused her to go down the path she did."

Histoire froze again. This time for a solid minute. "I… I see. IF, would you mind if I took Koei to Nepgear's lab? This is something I wish to divulge… Privately."

IF nodded, leaving Histoire to float off to Nepgear's room as I followed.

Once we were out of earshot I decided to drop the bombshell question. "Why are you taking me to the lab alone?"

Histoire said nothing as we entered the dark lab and headed to a seemingly empty corner of the room. Placing one of her tiny hands on a near invisible scanner, it glowed green before the wall shifted in an upwards direction, revealing another section of the lab.

"I haven't visited this section of the lab in over 20 years…" Histoire muttered forlornly as I looked around, older technology scattered about covered in dust.

"This wasn't Nepgear's lab originally, was it?" I ask the obvious, knowing the answer.

"Uzume was ahead of her time in terms of technology." Histoire explained. "She spent many an hour down here, inventing some new peripheral or other to help her Nation, but without public appearances, Shares declined, forcing her to work on more peripherals in a vicious cycle…"

"Which led to the thing that ultimately led to her downfall, right?" I reasoned.

"Correct. She built a machine that would convert her emotions to Share energy… However she never accounted for what _negative_ emotions would do. That ended up costing Uzume her own sanity. By the time she returned to her usual state…"

I didn't need to know. "**That** incident happened."

Histoire nodded solemnly. "She tried to undo the damage she had caused, but it was far too late. Shares _tanked_ faster than ever as citizens fled Planeptune. She tried to get rid of her delusional energy in a variety of ways after that to assure the citizens she wasn't so evil, but it was too late…"

"How did she try to get rid of the delusional energy, then?" I asked, clearly curious about what happened 20 odd years ago.

"She tried to pool it into a physical object to at least get _rid_ of it, if not destroy it entirely. Unfortunately, that just created a cursed sword…"

A cursed sword? "Go on."

"As it was made from her Negative Share Energy, she called it the "Malice Sword". While it was never wielded for _obvious reasons_, we theorized that it would exude enough Negative Share Energy to counteract a CPU's natural Share energy to the point where they would be rendered mortal while within the near vicinity of the blade."

I put a hand to my chin. "Which means that in theory, a CPU could be slain by it. How many people know of this?"

"Three. You, myself and Uzume of course." Floating over to a corner of the room hidden with a cloth, Histoire removed said cloth to reveal a dark purple energy sword propped up against the wall. Seeing it in person, I **felt** the dark energy blasting from the blade.

"What in the fuck…"

"This is Uzume's final project before she froze herself. The Malice Blade. A blade forged from pure Negative Share Energy and Planeptune's darkest secret."

… "I assume that in case of Uzume becoming a threat again, the residing CPU would use this to…"

Histoire nodded. "That is what she asked me to do in the case of her imminent revival. Thankfully you managed to reform her before that became the necessary solution."

"I see." I sigh. "Though that brings up the question of how you'd know to use that sword."

Histoire stopped. "I think… Uh… Seeing Uzume again would trigger my memory banks. Yes, that'll work."

I stared. "You just really liked Uzume, so didn't want to kill her." I stated simply.

Histoire sighed. "Pretty much."

I smiled in response. "I would have done the same thing. Don't worry about it."

Histoire perked up in response. "Thank you Koei. Ever since I regained my memory, I have felt nothing but guilt over letting her live, knowing all of this would never have happened if I had been impartial when it came to her situation, none of this would have happened."

I sighed. "Being impartial had nothing to do with it. You just cared about her too much to let her go. I can get behind that and so could anyone else with something resembling a heart."

"I suppose." Histoire reasoned. "Regardless, please keep this secret. If Neptune was to learn of this and try to use it herself…"

"Let's not and say we did." Imagining Neptune wielding such an artifact made me feel more fear than Uzume's true form.

"Indeed. Shall we return?"

With a curt nod, we left the hidden room, the wall closing back up behind us as we returned to IF.

* * *

IF was drunkenly fiddling with her phone as we returned to her. Looking up from her device, she used a free hand to wave. "Took you long enough. What, did you go for a make-out session or something?"

I gave a wry grin. "Weren't you the one flirting with me earlier?"

I enjoyed her angry stare while she blushed heavily. I don't get her often, but when I do… "S-shut up!" She denied in front of me, but really couldn't put her heart into it.

Giving the chunni a hug, I felt the burning of her blush before letting go, clearly unhappy with this turn of events. "D-Do you have to do that in front of our boss?"

"Yes." Was all I needed to say for her to continue giving me a blush filled death glare. "Aw, don't be like that, you love flirting really."

"I guess…" She muttered as we left the elevator without another word.

* * *

"Planeptune at night is so pretty." I mutter as we headed for the apartment complex. The Crevice Spike was starting to wear off, so I did what any sane alcoholic would do and got MORE BOOZE on the way back. I may have also started a bit early, swigging a can of Leanbox Beer as we walked.

"Not as pretty as me though, right?" IF asked rhetorically, to which I committed the sin of answering.

"Of course not. If it was as beautiful as you then nobody would leave due to how awe-struck they'd be."

IF rolled her eyes. "Suck up."

"That's the thing you're supposed to do." I winked as she put her head in her hands with an audible sigh.

"Always with the lewd implications, yet you've never taken the next step in our relationship. Which is fine…" IF rubbed the back of her head. "Don't want things to get awkward between us."

"Yeah…" I sigh in return. "I do apologize if it feels like I'm holding the relationship back. I'm just being cautious about things because of what we've been through…"

IF smiled in a cute manner. "It's alright. We're from entirely different dimensions, so it's fine if you feel like you need to slow things down." She reassured me. Having someone to support me despite my insecurities…

"Ah. So this is the true meaning of love." I stated simply, realising what we really had between us.

"Maybe." IF pondered aloud. "Or it could just be two people liking each other's company and wanting to spend time together."

As we approached the door, I considered her theory. "Maybe." I smiled as I used my keycard to unlock the entrance to the apartment, ready to spend the rest of the night getting wasted.

* * *

**A/N: **Surprise crossover, bitches! In truth I did want Lan to have a cameo and Cirno did give me their blessing.

Hopefully I didn't mess with his intended plan too much. ^^;

But yeah, I'm an inspiration, apparently. Woohoo?


	37. EX 3: First Day On the Job

**A/N:** Great googly moogly, that went to shit.

And it wasn't even due to Crosswave! Speaking of Azur Lane, I need to work on A Bitter Rivalry, you think _this_ story hasn't updated in a while… Yikes.

**Ryan4ever2016: **Guess there's not really much to comment on. Aside from the surprise crossover. And Koei's new occupation.

**Lord-Sylph:** This is four seperate reviews from before Chapter 9 and I heavily suspect that KoeIffy scared them off. I mean a story I liked suddenly went off the rails once. The difference is that this story never had rails, it just crashed into an orphanage about a 1/3rd in.

**YoshiChain**: Ingenuity: 0. But the power of love and twisting the law's arm ultimately won!

Right, enough rambling. You've waited long enough.

* * *

Ughhhh. Always with the hangovers. I really need to cut down. Dragging myself out of bed, I looked around. Yup, this was home at least. Putting on my pants, I walked out of the bedroom to see Uzume sitting casually on the three seater, watching TV as usual.

"Come on girl, just use your bullshit friendship power to _kill_ the villain." She mumbled to herself, not noticing me as I put the kettle on, no memory of what happened last night.

Hearing the sound of boiling water. Uzume turned around. "Oh hey, Kosy! You're alive at least." She greeted warmly. She's really mellowed out since being you know, the Big Bad.

"Wish I wasn't." I mumbled in response as I poured boiling water into a cup, followed by some milk and took the mixture to the sofa and sat down, placing the cup on the nearby table's coaster.

"So… You doin' good?" She asked casually. "I woke up with a hangover, had a Beer, felt better."

"Eh. Can't remember last night."

"Not shocked. You went on the spirits again. I cleaned up for you because you were taking a while to get up. Speaking of, is IF up?"

I shook my head. "Don't think so." I was about to get up, but Uzume's hand grabbed my arm.

"That's… Good. We need to talk." Uzume said softly as I sat back down, the television now off.

"What's up?"

"It's about what you did." Uzume sighed, indicating the start of a pretty heavy conversation. "You had the chance to finish me off once my energy fell away and while I _am eternally grateful _for you sparing me, it leaves the question as to why."

I thought for a minute back to that day. "Aside from the _obvious_ dickishness of kicking you while you had your villainous breakdown… I was in no state to finish you off even if I wanted to. It's why I wanted to have our conversation private. A heart… To… Heart."

Uzume laughed weakly. "That's kind of funny. You just say what's on your mind without a damn for what you actually say."

I smiled. "Makes sense. That's how I roll on the usual day."

"I just wonder how much faith Planeptune had in you in order to pull what you did. Looking back, you faced a _goddess_ and won…"

I shook my head. "It wasn't a win. We tied. We matched each other in strength at _best_ and that was with everything in my favor. If I didn't keep fighting through the pain, that would have been it for me."

Uzume put a hand to her chin. "While my own memories are understandably warped by what happened, I do remember seeing you get back up and just feeling this sense of dread as you _took a sword to the chest after that barrage of blows_ and realising that I wasn't the hero I deluded myself into thinking…"

I sigh, taking a drink of tea as I did so. "Everyone thinks they're the hero of their own story, It _does_ make sense in a way, even if ultimately your actions are _wrong_, if you believe in your own cause enough…"

"You become delusional." Uzume muttered in understanding. "Sometimes you end up doing horrific things in the name of "justice" or "what's right" and lose sight of what you stood for."

I put my feet up, putting my arms behind my head. "There we go. See, you're learning."

"That just leaves the issue of punishment." Uzume sighed again. "Why am I allowed to live here a free woman? I tried to commit _genocide!_"

"And? What would throwing you into a jail cell accomplish?" I ask, almost rhetorically. "This all happened _because_ you were imprisoned within your own mind! That and come on, we both know Histoire wouldn't let anything bad happen to you when you _just _came back from exile."

Uzume gave the ghost of a smile. "Yeah. I suppose that I'm just shocked that I'd be welcomed home so readily."

I rolled my eyes "If you _insist_, I could pretend to be your parole officer." I say sarcastically, but with a smile on my face. "Alternatively, consider the fact that the two people who hated you the most are now your roommates! Water under the bridge, I got to break your face, Iffy got to left hook you in the nose, fun times all around."

"Of course you two would be talking about violence." IF sighed as she entered the conversation with a coffee in hand before sitting on the middle seat.

"Mornin' love." I say simply, seeing her brightening my day no matter what her mood was.

"Hey." She smiled back. "But really, what _were _you talking about?"

"Nothing important." I waved my hand, giving a quick wink to Uzume. IF didn't need to know what had gone down between us.

"The usual then." IF put her coffee down as she turned on the TV to the local news channel.

* * *

_Gamindustri is finally at peace. The villainous Uzume has been subdued, the rifts have seemingly stopped and the Hero of Planeptune has managed to accomplish great feats despite not even __**being**_ _of this world. With the CPUs finally united, it seems that the future is bright for this Nation, if not the whole world._

* * *

"Neat." I smiled. "I have that title now I guess."

"I do not appreciate being called villainous…" Uzume sighed as she took a sip of her own coffee. "Guess some things never change, "journalism" being one of them."

Before we could question the journalistic integrity of the Gamindustri News Network, my UI Gloves started to ring.

"Ah, Koei!" Histoire was on the other end, rather unsurprisingly. "I need you and the others at the Basilicom. I have your first assignment for you."

I nod and turned off the video feed before getting up to look at my new workmates. "Well ladies, you heard the boss lady."

Finishing off my tea that was for once not boiling hot, we headed out to bigger and better things.

* * *

_Ding_

Stepping out of the elevator, decked out in our new jackets Histoire and Neptune waited for us. "Koei. Uzume. IF." Histoire stated simply. "I apologise for interrupting your time off, as I didn't originally plan for an assignment today, but-"

An explosion interrupted her speech.

"UNI! I told you to _NOT _touch the mecha's RPG!"

"S-Sorry Nepgear!"

"That." Histoire deadpanned. "They've been in that lab since morning and refuse to come out."

"Strange, I thought they came out of the closet already." IF smirked as I had to hold in my laughter because that was pretty good.

"Regardless, _Neptune and I…_"

Neptune rolled her eyes, clearly not pleased with being dragged into this. "We would like you to work as bodyguards for 5pb- I mean _Helena_ while she's on-stage today."

"First day on the job, and it's _babysitting._" I sighed. "You know, we have a goddess with a _body count_ with us, are you sure we can't punch a dragon in the face or something?"

Neptune giggled despite my entirely serious tone. "Helena herself insisted on it. Well, I brought it up to her earlier and she insisted on it." Histoire exposited.

"Well, that explains it, I guess." I sigh in resignation as I realise that today _won't_ be my day off.

* * *

Heading into Planepark, a concert was being set up. Turns out that Seven Hels became a smash hit overnight, so the duo do weekly concerts all around Gamindustri. Of course this had the _slightly scary_ side-effect of crazed fans trying to… Well, I saw some of the shipping fanfiction between the duo and it gets **very** M-Rated. Goddesses knows what one would do to the real thing.

"Ah, the PSF is here!~" Came the cheery voice of one San Diego, the bouncy redhead wearing a simple shirt and skirt combo. "I believe we haven't met in person, so I'm San Diego!~" She held out a hand as I shook it.

"Koei Tech. This is Uzume," I pointed to the purple-haired tomboy, who waved back. "And of course, my darling Iffy." To IF, who did have a bit of a blush after being described as "darling", but gave a curt nod anyway. "We're from the Planeptune Special Forces, but you knew that already."

"Yeah, Helena told me you'd be keeping an eye on us for today's concert. Cave would normally do it, but she had to take some time off for… _Some reason._"

* * *

"Dammit, so close…" Cave muttered, her upteempth loss against the boss rubbing away at her patience. Even as an experienced bullet dodger, this was on a whole _other_ level of pain.

"Damn you, Miru Syndrome…"

* * *

"Probably some Guild mission or other." I shrug, not wanting to think about the implications if _she_ had to drop her usual bodyguard duty.

"Plus, it's a pretty easy first job." Uzume reasoned, cracking open a Beer she acquired... Somehow. "The client can protect themselves even if we screw up."

"I'd prefer it if you didn't say such negative things in front of our clients." IF sighed as I turned back to said clients.

"Eh, she has a point." Helena walked onto the scene, a simple shirt and tracksuit bottoms serving to cover the rock goddess as she drank some iced coffee. "Sandy still has her rigging and I can use the Dragon Force if things get dire, but as you might imagine, _murdering_ our fans is bad PR."

"We're _not_ supposed to murder them?" I ask rhetorically, giving a wry grin as I did so.

Helena smiled in response. "I know you're able to beat the Seven Hels out of someone _without_ murdering them."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I prefer solving things thoroughly, but if the client insists…" I slipped Serenity into my inventory. "I'll solve issues with my _fists_."

IF rolled her eyes. "You could just freeze any threats with your _magical artifact sword._"

I scratched my stubbly chin. "Maybe. But that's not fun."

IF sighed as Uzume continued to drink on the job. "This is going to be a long day, isn't it?"

Helena gave a cute smile. "I did miss this sort of banter between workmates. My old job had a lot of that… Big office." She looked away nervously, as if she was stretching the truth somehow.

Finishing off her can of iced coffee, Helena tossed the can into a nearby bin, a rather impressive feat considering the distance. "Alright, do you think I should keep this on or go to my old 5pb. outfit?"

I put a hand to my chin. "I mean, I haven't _been_ to a Seven Hels concert since the first one. Do you have a specific style for it?"

Helena shook her head. "Nah. I just wear what I want now. Just felt like going back to basics for once. Bit chilly, but you know."

"Go with what you think is comfortable." I suggest helpfully for once in my life.

To which, Helena smiled back. "Good idea, thanks! I'm going to go make sure my guitar is tuned before I get on stage." With that she left us to it.

What _it_ was I don't know. But you know, _things_. Standing around and doing nothing was fun and all… But it wasn't.

"You know…" I mutter aloud. "As much as I love standing around doing nothing, it seems this place is rather deserted, right?"

"Yeah, but that's bodyguard work for you." IF noted, taking a drink of coffee as she did so. "Stand around, look menacing. Typical guard work. Not glamorous, but someone has to do it."

"We could just stab Helena when she's not looking." Uzume reasoned. "I mean, I won't say anything if you don't."

"I know you're joking, but try to touch Helena and I'll destroy you with my rigging." San Diego warned rather seriously.

"I'll keep them in line." IF smiled cheekily. "I'm used to idiot wrangling with Nep, so this'll be a cinch."

"Thanks for the compliment." I rolled my eyes, leaning back on one of the stage's giant speakers as I scanned the area for anything suspicious. Nope!

An audible sigh left my lips as I looked back at the other two members of the Planeptune Special Forces. IF was fiddling on one of her phones and Uzume was just standing there… Menacingly.

Yup, quiet grunt work. "So this is the life." I mutter to myself, just loud enough for the others to hear. "Beats being shanked through the chest, at least."

"Good thing you helped out with that." Uzume uncharacteristically muttered. "I really don't know what was going through me at that point…"

"Delusional energy." I shrugged. "Happens to the best of us."

Uzume gave a ghost of a smile in response. "Yeah. That works. Even if I haven't felt my Share energy since returning, I think that's for the best."

I put a hand to my chin. "Interesting. Perhaps you can adapt to more… Traditional forms of magic. Ah, if only there was a magically talented saviour of Gamindustri to mentor you…"

"Too bad MAGES. is busy. Something about Doc P." IF winked at me as she said so.

"Oh yeah, her." Helena returned, a steaming cup of coffee now in her hand. "We're distant cousins or something of the sort. Never met her in person, but I hear she's an archmage."

"The best in Gamindustri." IF exposited. "She's… Rather the oddball. I met her once on a trip to Leanbox. Very nice, but she's pretty… Quirky."

"Define quirky." I prod for details. Might come in handy if I met her.

"Well, she's just the mad scientist archtype. Mad laughter, madder experiments. She once vaporized her entire lab trying to build a time machine out of a microwave… So go the legends. I think it's a little farfetched, but you know what Gamindustri is like."

"You see a lot of strange things here. The rumor mill where I came from always talked about how insane Gaminustri was. Such a different culture from back home." Helena gave a sad smile as she rambled. "Kinda glad I could get Sandy down here in order to ease up on the loneliness a bit. I do miss my old workmates quite a bit…"

"Where _did_ you work, anyway?"

"Somewhere that led to her… Introversion." San Diego entered the scene. "Great and painful memories alike. I'm surprised she grew so much without me."

Helena smiled. "I think being away from that place and focusing on my music made me happier in general. But for now, we have a concert to practice for." Helena finished off her coffee, tossing the disposable cup into a nearby by.

"I guess I have some vocal chords to warm…" San Diego reasoned herself, before heading off herself to who knows where.

Well, that just left us in our previous conundrum.

"So we're _sure_ that murder isn't a solution?"

IF put her head in her hands. "Oh my fucking god…"

* * *

Some time had passed. Waiting around, doing nothing. Not even the news was interesting. Just gossip and the rumor mill and that was pretty much it. Not even good gossip, things I already knew like the "rumor" of Uni and Nepgear becoming an item. No shit they're an item, anyone with eyes can see that they're a fucking item.

Still, nothing better to do…

* * *

**_Gamindustri's newest couple is a Unique Gear in the works!_**

Ever since the Siege of Planeptune, CPU Candidate Uni has been seen hanging around Planeptune more. While at first she seemed to be simply helping out with rebuilding efforts, when Nepgear was spotted in Lastation, the rumor mill began to spin.

Unfortunately for shippers the world over, we weren't able to confirm nor deny these rumors, as the CPUs have been busy getting their Nations back to normal, the Candidates included...

Until today! In a GNN exclusive, our new reporter Famitsu managed to get an interview with Nepgear while she was out buying groceries!

* * *

Interesting. I guess they managed to replace that poor Aya girl pretty easily, but an interview with Nepgear?

* * *

Our determined reporter managed to squeeze several answers out of the CPU Candidate, not only answering several burning questions about the rumor of one Uzume Tennoboushi being alive after the events of the Siege of Planeptune, but whether or not she was in fact in a relationship with the Lastation Candidate. We'll have the full interview on GNN's website, but here's a snippet of the hot gossip our goddess had to give:

"Well, I wouldn't _say_ that Koei is a danger to Gamindustri." Nepgear pondered as she answered the burning question of the new Hero of Planeptune. "Even if we don't count the Siege of Planeptune, he's still loyal to a fault, determined to do anything you ask of him and a great friend to be around… Even when he has a drink."

"I see!" Our lovely reporter Famitsu followed up on this. "So do you think that now that Gamindustri has no immediate threat, that Koei will hang up the spellblade?"

Nepgear shook her head. "I think he enjoys the thrill of adventure too much to retire just yet. Despite his scrapes and scars, he's got just as much of a drive to protect Gamindustri as Neptune!"

Our intrepid reporter was obviously confused by this. "So, you're saying he has no drive? Neptune is rather… Infamous for her work ethic. The lack of, that is."

Nepgear obviously got flustered at the rather cheeky remark. "N-Not like that! When Neptune gets serious, it feels like nothing can stop her. That's part of why the citizens believe in her despite her nature."

The rest of the interview, including Nepgear admitting her and Uni being a thing will be available on GNN's website. Special thanks to Famitsu for this hot scoop! Good work for your first interview!

Dengekiko

* * *

Heh. Ah Nepgear, you do not understand the cruelty of tabloids. "Well, guess cat's out of the bag in terms of NepG and Uni being a thing." I mutter, forgetting I had a job to do. "Along with a target on my head."

"Well, that was clickbait if I ever saw it." IF sighed, revealing the fact she was reading the article along with me. "I mean that's GNN for you, but to drag the newbie into this…"

"Shouldn't you be working?" I turned to IF, who gave a smug grin in response.

"Shouldn't _you_?" was all she replied before walking off to patrol, presumably.

"I **am **doing my job!" I yelled rather uselessly. All I was doing was standing around anyway. Bored, bored, bored.

"To think, I used to run a Nation." Uzume sighed. "Now I'm doing bodyguard work."

"Life works in mysterious ways, my frenemy." I ponder aloud as Uzume looked around, seemingly trying to find somebody's ass to kick.

"Yeah… Say, you got any Green Pasture?" She asked rather suddenly. "You seem like the kind of guy who would campaign against it being illegal… No offense?"

Despite my unfamilarity with Gamindustri's drug scene, I kinda figured what "Green Pasture" meant roughly. The green. Mary and Johanna.

Weed. It's fucking weed. "You're hilarious." I smirked at Uzume. "Just because I have a shaggy beard and a hipster disposition doesn't mean I know how to get the green."

"Annnd you're talking about drugs." IF returned from her patrol with a sigh, using her free hand to carry a disposable coffee cup. "Look, I know that you have a _lot _of free time now…"

"It's only Green Pasture." Uzume sighed in return. "Even in _my_ time, it was low-key legal, it was just too much red-tape. Also, _really_ unpopular with the older folks."

"Makes sense." IF shrugged. "Not to act like I know the political landscape, but I was Compa's assistant during a thesis she had to do for medical school. Namely, I had to be examined for two weeks. One as a control, and one with daily doses of Green Pasture."

"Yet you critisize me for drinking, you _druggie._" I smirked at her while she gave me one of her famous **looks**.

"It was purely for science. As expected, I was more relaxed, any pain I happened to have was reduced and I had what was referred to in the study as "increased hunger". She concluded that legalizing Green Pasture would be good for those who required it medically… And only medically"

"And to nobody's shock, Compa is a NARC." I remark sarcastically as IF rolled her eyes.

"She's allowed her opinion, Captain Druggie." "IF snarked back. "But if you're _really_ that bored…" She reached into her pocket and pulled out a metal case, only slightly bigger than her hand and passed it to me. The design was just a picture of IF's iconic hair decoration.

Opening it up revealed several rolled cigaratte papers and the strong smell of…

"Oh… This is …"

"The remains of the Green Pasture I had after the two week trial, yes." IF smiled as I handed a joint to Uzume. "Compa told me to go destroy it, but I held on to it. Quite a bit of money to burn, quite literally." She smiled at her own joke. "But yeah, if you want them, keep them. I was never into smoking anyway. Just… Don't have too much. That study included an incident where I got "the shakes", because that is pretty strong." She warned, before I popped the case into my inventory.

Using her magic to lightly ignite one of her blades, IF lit Uzume's joint for her. "Thanks." She said simply before inhaling some of the burning fumes.

The stench of burning grass filled my nose and brought back memories of my time back at my old home. I was never much of a smoker, but the green stuff was right up my alley when I had the chance to indulge myself.

"It's like looking at a pair of teenagers." IF remarked as Uzume continued to smoke.

I raised my eyebrows at such a statement. "Does that involve you dating one of said teenagers?"

IF didn't respond, just giving a death glare with those emerald eyes of hers as the two members of Seven Hels reemerged from their dressing room, decked out in idol outfits and ready to rock.

"Annnd they're smoking Green Pasture." San Diego commented with a deadpan tone. "Not that I mind, just try not to white out from over exposure. I'd hate to have to resort to my rigging. Using military grade hardware on a fan who got a little close? Does not look good from a PR standpoint."

I nodded my head. "Yeah, sounds good. I'll at least try to be sober."

"Good to hear." She smiled in return. "The concert should be starting soon, so you know, keep an eye on things, don't screw up. I think a former CPU, the Hero of Planeptune and the second greatest spellblade in Gamindustri can accomplish that."

"Strange, I don't recall being the Hero of Planeptune." IF snarked rather obviously to that remark, to which I already had a response.

"Strange, I don't remember you almost executing me." I replied, to which IF started to silently seethe at me as I mentally scratched out a victory over her for once. Well, one that didn't involve violence.

"Ah, young love." San Diego smiled at our banter. "I can see why Helena recommended you. At the very least you're entertaining."

"Thanks?" I shrug at her compliment. "I mean, it's more of a ascended friendship full of hatred if you ask me."

"I didn't." She stated quite simply. "Still, keep an eye on things, it's what you were hired for, after all."

With that, she fucked off to the stage to join the other half of the duo known as Seven Hels while I at least pretended to work.

"So… Who hired us again?" Uzume spoke up, most of her Green Pasture burned away and her clearly showing signs of being pretty high.

"Seven Hels, the hit two person band in Gamundustri." IF expositied. "Recently formed after 5pb. retired, the duo has taken Gamindustri by storm." She put away her phone. "Sorry, was just reading the Neppedia article on them aloud, you were saying?"

"Thank you, Captain Exposition." I remark sarcastically as I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Hold up…

Getting up and unsheathing Serenity just in case, I headed over to the moving lump, who appeared to be one of the crew members setting up the behind the scenes gear.

Of course, when they turned around…

"Linda." I state simply at the poorly disguised criminal with a hearty sigh. "Your moustache is falling off."

Linda adjusted said fake moustache with a gruff "thanks" before turning around and getting back to her work.

"You're not… Going to do anything?" I push my luck as Linda continued to work.

"Nope. Every time I go up against you, things go to shit." Linda paused her current task to wipe the sweat off of her brow. "I figure if I keep my head low and do you know, _honest work_ I might you know, avoid prison time?"

I shrugged. "As long as you're meant to be here."

Linda sighed and reached into her jacket pocket before pulling out a card. "Here you go, _Officer._"

Taking a look, it seemed legitimate enough. Handing it back, I span on my heel to see IF.

"You flirtin' with the grease monkeys or something?" She crossed her arms with a _look_ on her face.

Looking back at Linda, I could see her shaking a bit. If I did say the truth, she'd be in **big** trouble. "Nah, just checking on the tech guys. They keep the behind the scenes going, after all. Come on, they'll be starting soon." I led IF away from an inevitable conflict of interest.

"Surprised you're taking this seriously." IF remarked as we headed back to within the view of Seven Hels.

"It's all downhill from here." I muttered as Helena started strumming her guitar, slightly tuning it before playing the same note again. Seeming happy with the result, she repeated the process with a different note.

"You know, after 3000 words of this shit, you'd think something would have happened." I point out, to which nothing happened.

"Excitement in bodyguard work is **not** a good thing." IF chided as I looked at Uzume, who seemed to be so spaced out that she was in actual space.

"Yeah, but **come on!**" I insist. "It's just 3000 words of us bumming around, trying to make _standing around doing nothing _interesting! The author can't write that, the readership would riot."

"Welcome to bodyguard work." IF rolled here eyes as she kicked Uzume in a vain attempt to get her to respond. "I should have told her it was meant for group consumption."

"Alright, we're on in 20!" San Diego ran up to us. "The crowd should be coming in soon, so stay out of sight unless _strictly necessary_." She explained. "Can't let the crowd know that we're being guarded, loses the element of surprise if you end up doing so."

I nod as she walked back on stage as the crowd cheered. It seemed to be filling up nicely at least.

"I suppose that the real work now begins." I leaned against a wall as IF fiddled on her phone. "Now would be a good time for a drink."

As if on cue, IF took a sip of her coffee. "Goddess dammit, it's cold." With a sigh, she held out of her katars as a small flame appeared under the disposable cup, seeming to heat it. After a few moments, she took another sip. "Better."

"Huh." I mutter. "That's a rather mundane use for fire magic."

IF shrugged as she finished off her coffee. "Yeah, turns out being able to cast fire from your weapon makes for good utility from time to time. Surprised you didn't think of using Serenity like this, considering your ingenuity in combat."

"Your first mistake was assuming I was competent." I reply. "Still, I could put my ice magic to use…"

Picking up Uzume's half-full beer, I pointed Serenity at it and cast a low level ice spell. As expected, the ice surrounded the can before I stopped casting and the ice dissipated.

Taking a sip of it, it was kinda stale but felt like I'd just taken it out of the fridge. "Hot damn, that actually works. It's a bit stale, but it's _cold._"

IF gave a wry grin in response. "Told you. Turns out that mana can be used for more than battle."

I put a hand to my chin after putting the can back down. "So if you can use mana in mundane situations, why are things like fridges and freezers necessary?"

IF sighed. "Koei, mana is just another form of energy. It's _limited._ It also requires a sapient source of energy and you can _imagine_ the sociopolitical issues that it brings up."

I shrugged. "Fair, fair. But why is there a need for doctors and nurses in a world that presumably would have healing magic?"

"Healing magic is… Complicated." IF put a hand to her head, as if struggling to remember something. "It's more than just converting one form of energy to another. People are complicated and outside of basic things, healing magic is a mystery. Compa has gone on many, _many_ tirades when a patient asked her "Why can't you just use magic?" and so I'm **very** familiar with the topic."

"I see." I responded, not really wanting to see IF go on a tirade about something I barely understood myself. All I know is that my magic sword makes the bad guys fall over and that's good.

"You monologued something stupid again, didn't you? You've got that dumb grin of yours." IF smiled cutely at me. I'll admit, that smile could kill, but dammit she's adorable. "And now you thought about me. I don't mind the monologuing, but after spending enough time with you, I can tell what you're _generally_ thinking about. Your face gives it away, might want to work on that."

…

"Creepy." Was all I said as Helena started to play her guitar, indicating the concert had started.

* * *

Well, that was boring. Not the concert itself, Seven Hels might be my new favourite band, but nothing really happened _during_ the concert itself. It was too loud to properly communicate and despite my suspicions, Linda didn't try anything.

I mean it was just a rundown of their current hits. _No Pain No Game_, _This Game_ and of course, _Dimension Tripper!_ I'll admit that last one was pretty nostalgic and hearing Sandy sing it over Helena? Made the song that tiny bit better.

With the duo now off the stage, we were all now just _hanging out_ as if nothing had happened. To be fair, it wasn't much that went on behind the scenes, but it felt like a good day of work anyway. At the very least, the job was done successfully and without incident.

"Then, Enty asks us to move closer to the dock, to which Sandy just _drops_ the speaker from the forklift. We had to move them all again anyway, but that was _hilarious._" Helena finished her silly tale, one of many of her time at… Her old workplace. The names seemed vaguely familiar, but I didn't want to prod.

"Yeah, I don't know why you trusted me with that. It didn't damage any _ahem _vital equipment at least." Sandy admitted with some shame, drinking from a bottle of water.

"You don't remember? I just got back from my last deployment an-"

"_Helena!_"

The guitarist stopped with a blush before she could divulge any further, much to my disappointment. "The point is, I was _busy _and didn't have time to tune my guitar if the concert was going to be on time."

"Your dynamic is pretty adorable." IF admitted, having a scarcely visible blush on her.

"Same to you." Helena retorted. "I mean, I could tell you two fancied each other even without the whole domestic terroism thing Koei pulled."

I felt a gold glare. "Right. **That.**"

I don't even turn to look at IF. "Look, I was drunk and…"

I felt an arm wrap over me as IF pulled me over for a hug. "Excuses, excuses. Just admit you like me, you _stud._"

I froze. "Help, I don't know how to deal with affection." I mutter as the pair laughed politely.

"I don't think any of us do." San Diego said with a positive sigh. "But that's the beauty of love, right?"

I smiled as I pulled IF into a hug. "Yeah. Least I can embarrass Iffy."

I felt the icy death glare of IF, but she didn't try to escape my hug.

* * *

After some lighthearted banter, the job was finished and we made our way out of Planepark. Uzume had sobered up significantly, but headed back to the apartment anyway to rest up.

As for IF and I? We were just wandering around Planeptune. Somehow we ended up at the Guild and I headed in on a whim.

Checking the board in a bored manner, I picked an easy looking quest, it uploading to my UI gloves nigh-instantly as I left.

"You're getting more work? I'm impressed." IF crossed her arms with a wry grin. "Guess I could do with some work too. Consider it a date?"

I blushed profusely. "Y-yeah."

* * *

Poyu Poyu Plains. Not even subtle. Filled with several varieties of dogoo who hate each other vehemently. Like christ, there's dogoo corpses everywhere.

"Yeah, this place has some… Weird inhabitants." IF sighed as the first of many dogoos fell to her blade.

Pulling out Serenity, I fired a Frostblast at an angry red Dogoo that was also on fire and currently melting a blue compatriot. The blue dogoo looked at me with those sad, _sad _eyes and simply wobbled away.

"Poyu Poyu Plains is well known for the diverse variety of Dogoo species. One of the oldest untouched areas in Planeptune."

"You are a walking exposition machine some days." I smiled as I pulled out Serenity and took a potshot at a purple dogoo giving me a _look._ One that I wish IF would give me at some point.

These dogoos are giving me weirdly sexual thoughts. I'd best start murdering before this train of thought gets any worse.

Oh look, a weirdly happy green one. Throwing Serenity at the green thing, it exploded rather unspectacularly. As I jogged over to pick the sword back up, I saw IF not casting any of her trademark spells. Running back over to her, I got into a decent position and fired a spell at a red dogoo that was harassing her.

"Thanks." She said weakly. "That thing has… Uh…"

I give a reassuring smile.. "The problem is that _you_ have Mana Burnout, isn't it?"

IF glared at me. "I-it's not a problem! It's a challenge."

My eyes became half-lidded. "Yeah, yeah. Just don't push yourself too far. I don't need to explain to Compa about how you ended up bedridden again."

IF smiled back. "Thanks. I joined you because I know you'd watch my back."

Giving a curt nod, I got back into it, pulling out Peace and firing some potshots at a yellow dogoo who seemed rather pleased with itself. I swear that was the reason why I missed.

Really.

"I know you want to make me feel better, but we still have a job to do Kopey." IF said smugly as she slashed at more dogoos.

Rolling my eyes, I just used a Frostblast at the happy dogoo, like the psychopath I am. It's weird how I can't aim pistols, but slower magic blasts hit perfectly. I don't get it, but whatever. MAGIC.

"These little shits keep coming." IF muttered as they in fact, kept coming. How the fuck are they still coming?

As if on cue, the dogoos eyes widened and they started to back away. At first I thought they had achieved common sense but when a shadow started to loom over me. Oh good, must be getting cloudy. Turning around and-

Oh goddesses. That's a big fuckin' dragon. "Iffy… _why is there a dragon here?"_

IF stayed silent. "I _don't know._ Maybe it was staying in a cave nearby and the Siege of Planeptune woke it up? Regardless…"

I mean, I tried to run, but my legs were frozen to the ground. This fucker looked bigger _and_ meaner than the Elder Dragon I fought way back when, and I wasn't even _with_ a CPU this time. As it looked, this was it.

Really. _Really._ The dragon raised one of its massive, bloody claws, ready to take me down in a single strike. I was still frozen in fear. Sure, I've fought a dark goddess before, but a beast of this scale was something _else._ I made peace with any deity that would listen as the claw descended towards me.

"D-Demon Flame!" IF cried out, grimacing in pain as a wall of flame burst out in front of me, finally knocking me out of me stupor as I instinctively backed away.

Shaking my head, I saw IF on one knee, a single eye open as she clutched her side, breathing heavily as she did so. Rushing over to her, I helped her back onto two feet as the drake turned back around, the previously mentioned claw having suffered some impressive burn damage.

"Dammit Koei…" IF wheezed with a smile. "You actually listened to me and didn't try to stab a dragon in the face. Dragons are dangerous."

"I know." I sigh, letting go of her as I pulled out Serenity. "But we won't be able to outrun it without a plan."

IF nodded, still reeling from her Mana Burnout. "Yeah. What's your idea then, because I don't want to risk another attack like that."

I put a hand to my chin, before pulling out a can of Nep Bull EX II and handed it to IF. "Drink this. You're going to need the mana."

IF _looked_ at me, but saw how serious I was and opened it without question, chugging the drink within seconds. Throwing the can at the dragon, roared in rage of her taunt, now clearly wanting us dead. "Now what?"

I waited for the dragon to raise its other, non-burnt claw at us, doing nothing partially out of the continued fear of death and for my plan.

As the claw descended again right towards me, I heard a primal scream of fear and rage. That was how I knew this gambit had worked.

Mere inches from my face, I felt something _shove_ me over pretty hard followed by the clashing of metal on metal. Getting over the shock of said shove, I got back up and looked at IF and gave a wry grin.

If _Neptune_ could do this, I sure as hell could help Iffy unleash her true strength. After a brief struggle, IF managed to overpower the drake's claw, forcing it back as I could finally see _that_ form of her again.

Once I had feared for my life against that form.

Now she was my saviour.

Running back to IF, I gave her a bear hug. "Iffy! You did it! You Awakened!"

IF looked at me with a confused look. "Awakened? What do you… Oh." She looked at her previously purple sleeve, now black, red and orange. "What the _hell?_"

"I'll explain afterwards. You feeling alright after that Nep Bull?" I ask with some concern, just in case she needed some extra help.

IF shook her head. "I'll be fine. Compa recommended I have a Nep Bull before I did any adventuring, but forgot to stock up, so thanks… Even if you did something utterly stupid." She punched my arm. "Dumbass."

"Well, ever since I fought you, I've wanted to see what my darling Iffy is _really_ capable of." I admitted. "That and the last time I saw it you wasn't _entirely_ sane, so I kinda want to see what you can do with it… _and you're cuter_."

Before IF could ask about that last part, the dragon got very sick of our bullshit and roared, indicating that the time for chat was over.

"I'll save that comment about you finding this form _cuter_ for later teasing. For now…"

A fire-like aura started to form around IF. "I got some dragon meat to cook."

I rolled my eyes and Awoke myself. "Okay, _Arsonist._"

Awakened Koei and IF

Vs.

Some Fuckin' Dragon

**THE DESCENT OF DRAGONS HAS COME!**

**READY? FIGHT!**

Without hesitation, flames erupted from beneath the drake, instantly setting it aflame as I just stood there, giving IF an incredulous look. "IF. Stop setting the enemy on fire, I need to punch the thing."

After a moment, the flames died down, allowing me to fire a few Frostblasts at the most burned locations to inflict maximum damage.

"Nice." IF commented, clearly aware of where she should locate next. The dragon did not take kindly to the dual elemental barrage and stomped, causing us to go off balance before a claw swing forced us to seperate. With a curt nod, we charged up our respective elements for a dual strike, with my next Frostblast aimed at the drake's leg.

IF fired several waves of flame towards the dragon's face, causing it to cover its eyes in pain as I shot a charged Frostblast to each leg, forcing it to be entirely immobile.

Taking the chance to run back over to IF, she seemed to already have a plan. "Good work. The dragon's been blinded by my fire magic, now all we have to do is-"

The dragon roared in anger and pain as it started breathing fire randomly, forcing me to conjure a wall of ice in order to have some defense against the blazing heat. "IF. PLAN. NOW." I stated in no uncertain terms.

"Right!" IF nodded, before putting a hand to her chin. "If I recall correctly, forcing a dragon's mouth shut while they attempt to breathe fire will cause a buildup of gasses within their body that will lead to-"

"Kaboom." I nod, understanding the plan. "But how do you get up _there_?"

"Who said I'd have to? You've ripped out a dragon's eye before, you can easily get up to the head while I distract it." IF said with a wry grin.

Rolling my eyes, I started to climb up the flailing lizard's back. Admittedly. It was a bit of a struggle, but I made it up eventually. Fucker was about the size of a house, but the back spikes made it a far less of an issue. The hard part would be forcing the jaw shut… Oh well, LEEROY JENKINS! Wrapping my left arm around the dragon's jaw and forced it shut. While the jaw muscle was strong, my arm was stronger. Once the jaw was properly closed, I cast one final Frostblast in order to properly freeze it shut.

Climbing back down, I ran up to IF, who was resting after having held the dragon off long enough for me to seal its jaw shit. "Ya did great, Iffy." I patted her on the shoulder as she breathed heavily.

"T-Thanks." IF blushed as her Awakened form faded, clearly out of energy after fighting a dragon. I felt my energy fade too as I collapsed to one knee. "F-fuck, even all this time later, a Dragon takes most everything I have… Oh god you said it was going to explode, right?"

Sweat began to form on IF's face. "I didn't think I'd run out of energy so soon… "

With a heartfelt sigh, I started to heft IF over my shoulder. She seemed to be fine with this arrangement, which was good because I looked back to the dragon's chest expanding, so no time for alternatives. Fighting through my own exhaustion, I ran as fast as I could away from the dragon and away from Poyu Poyu Plains for what felt like minutes before I heard an explosion behind me. Heaving a sigh of relief, I span 180 degrees to see an actual mushroom cloud.

Using my free hand to wipe the sweat off of my brow, I immediately fell forward with an untriumphant _thud_, IF now on my back rather than over my shoulder.

I breathed a sigh of relief that we were safe… Then promptly felt dread as IF was on top of me and _wasn't moving. _Trying to lift my tired body with hers on top elicited a grunt from the chunni.

"Stoppit, you're comfy." She muttered tiredly. "Not all of us have hidden untapped potential that we're aware of, Mr. Saviour of Planeptune."

"Hidden untapped potential that we're aware of?" I ask incredulously. "I assume you're just delirious from being tired, hence why you think I'm comfy."

IF rolled off my body. "Mmm, the grass _is_ better. But I liked how warm you were…"

I reached into my inventory and grabbed a Nep Bull and proceeded to flip myself around. "Yup, this is getting weird. Want a Nep Bull or?"

"Nah. Compa would kill me if I had more than one in a day. Got any Healing Potions?"

I tossed a blue bottle at her. As she was face up, she caught it pretty easily. Ninja reflexes for the win! She did drink it down gratefully before tiredly getting up.

"So… Should we go back for the lo-"

"NO."


	38. EX 4: Fixing A Failed Future

**A/N:** You know, I thought this was complete too, but this rumbles on. Just setting up sequel bait at this point. What kind of hack would set for a sequel?

Oh yeah, me. BACK TO IT, THEN.

* * *

It had been several days since the Poyu Poyu Plains incident and as we returned to the Basilicom more dead than alive, IF and I were immediately given medical leave and force- _coerced_ by Compa to at least have some bedrest.

In separate beds, of course. Still, Compa was friendly enough to my bedridden self and was more than happy nursing us both back to health. The actual bedrest part of the recovery process was pretty boring. I had guests, there was TV, nothing of note really. I mean it was nice for Uzume to visit us, despite not really being _friends_ she still visited. Did seem rather uneasy about being there, however.

Still, it had been about three days now and Compa had entered, medical record in hand and a bright smile on her face. "Ko-Ko!" She greeted very warmly, though at this point I wondered if it was a facade. "You and Iffy have fully recovered and are free to go."

With a curt nod, I get up out of bed, Planeptune duds already on. "Anything I need to know before we head out?"

"Just one." Her voice suddenly darkened as she pulled out a scalpel and held it inches from my neck. "If you _ever try_ _annnnything_ like that again, I will personally ensure your body is donated to science. **Alive.**"

No matter how many times she threatens me, it's still freaky. "Understood."

Like a switch, she returned to her… Usual self? "Yay! Come on, I have to discharge Iffy as well and I know she missed you."

With a curt nod, I silently followed her to another room of the Basilicom, to which she opened to show IF putting on her usual navy jacket, the plush of me lying neatly on the bed. Admittedly that made me blush a little bit. Okay, a **lot**.

Seeing my blushing face, IF chuckled, still sounding tired but otherwise alright. "Jeez Kopey, you see me for the first time in three days and you're already a blushing mess."

"Y-yeah, well…"

As she got up, she grabbed the plush of me and brought me into a hug. "Save it. I needed these last few days to fully recover anyway. Might be a little tired, but I'm no worse for wear."

I breathed a sigh of relief I didn't know I had. "Good to hear. At least I haven't caused you any harm with that stunt I pulled…"

"Nothing that wasn't already there, anyway." IF reassured. After a moment, her face fell to one of concern. "You feeling alright?

I nodded weakly, realizing that in my bedridden state I had entirely sobered up. "Just realizing that I'm sober and you know…"

"Socially awkward." IF smirked. "As much as I like the drunken deadpan snarker, your nervousness makes you even cuter."

I felt my cheeks set on fire as she nearly burst into full on laughter. "Goddesses, no wonder you drink like you do when you just collapse from any sign of affection, ahahah."

I left the room almost in a huff, but knew she had a point. On my way out, I almost bumped into the flying book fairy.

"Histoire! Sorry, I'm just a bit in a rush." I nervously mutter as I nearly knocked over _my own boss._

"Ah, Koei. Pay it no mind." She calmly replied. "I'm just glad you and IF are alright. Uzume is waiting for you outside the Basilicom. She said she wanted to talk to you privately."

With a curt nod, I headed down the elevator and out of the Basilicom, seeing Uzume leaning against one of the walls. Approaching the former CPU, she gave a half-hearted wave.

"Hey Koei." She almost forced the words out of her mouth. "I kinda need to talk."

"'Bout what?" I ask casually.

"I… Don't feel comfortable around the other CPUs." She stated simply. "Not even my successors can look me in the eye when I try to talk to them, let alone the CPUs of the _other_ Nations."

"A matter of image, huh?" I ponder aloud, pointing to Uzume after figuring something out. "It could be due to you being a former genocidal maniac?"

Uzume gave a _look._ "This is serious, Koei. I don't think the other CPUs are going to trust me any time soon and you're the only person I can really talk to about this."

Blinking a few times, I geared my brain to a more "serious" mode. Pretty easy when I'm sober. "Honestly, I think you need a day off from being here in Planeptune. Want to go to another Nation and hang out there?"

Uzume shook her head, a grin forming on her face. "No. Ya see, me and Big Nepsy have been talking lately…"

"And we realized that we have one thing in common: Regret." Said Big Nep walked in from behind a wall. "So I asked her if she wanted to come with me to face my greatest failure."

I put my arms behind my head and leaned back "Let me guess. You want me to come with because there might be a threat on the same level as Dark Goddess Uzume?"

"I _really_ don't appreciate you calling me "Dark Goddess" within earshot." Uzume sighed as a hole in space and time opened. "But this might be interesting, so come on."

With a curt nod, I followed the mercenary and former dark goddess through the rift.

* * *

We exited the portal that Big Nep had made for us, revealing a lovely landscape that spread out as far as the eye could see. Seemed to be some sort of park.

"Wow. I expected a smoking ruin or something." I mutter as Altradimension Neptune looked around.

"Home sweet home." She muttered as we wandered about the relatively empty park. Truth be told, it was rather lovely, with lilacs planted on each end of the concrete path. Down the end of the path was a large tablet. Walking down to it, I inspected it and…

_This monument is dedicated to the fallen during the Siege of Planeptune._

"Oh…"

Hearing footsteps behind me,, I continued to read the tablet anyway. A lot of names I didn't recognize, but…

_Jill Stingray_

_Compa_

_IF_

_Koei Tech_

_Histoire_

_Million Arthur_

_Lady Neptune/Purple Heart_

…

Stepping back, I turned towards Big Neptune with a solemn look on my face. "Everyone's gone. Seems that whatever Uzume did, she went hard."

Big Neptune looked at the tablet with a sad smile. "Well, it seems that they mistook me and you for dead, but I can't say the same for the others. Poor Compa. Least she'll be with Iffy now."

I nod, getting back up as Neptune pulled a lilac out of her pocket and put it next to the shrine amongst a variety of other flowers. "I've been meaning to come back and leave a flower, but I was always afraid of being spotted by one of my… _former_ subjects."

"What's the worst that could happen?" I dismiss her concerns as I turn around and _immediately regret my actions._

I mean, it was technically _Nepgear _standing before me. She seemed older, more confident in herself but at the same time distant. In an oddly sweet touch, she was wearing Neptune's old hoodie, the one I'd seen after she returned from Lowee that one time. It suited her well, even if her… Less loli body ensured it was at least a little bit stretched.

She rubbed her eyes in disbelief as she stared at the three of us. And stared. _And stared._

"Koei… Neptune… **YOU.**" She spat in sheer disgust at Uzume, who stepped back in fear. "You killed my Nation, my friends, my **family** and you're back just to torture me more with your twisted delusions?"

She brought a dark purple blade out of nowhere, which seemed to have an aura… Oh Goddesses no.

My face turned pure white as I realized **what** I was looking at. "The Malice Sword… Nepgear, put that thing down!"

Nepgear simply shook her head in response. "When I lost everything, I only felt **hate** for the traitor known as Uzume Tennouboshi. That's when I found this blade behind my lab. It promised me vengeance, it promised a new life. How could I turn down such an offer?"

Uzume swallowed her fear and approached the mad goddess. "That's what delusional energy does to you. I'm sorry you found that sword Gearsy. But that sword is _dangerous_ and-"

"You know what else is dangerous?" Nepgear started a tirade. "A former goddess awakening from her coma to slaughter countless innocents and whoever tried to stop her! The other CPUs didn't lift a finger and because of that I lost everything! Tell me, if you were in my shoes, what would happen? Probably worse things, knowing how sick you are!"

She wasn't even acknowledging Altradimension Neptune or me at this point. Kind of annoying, but whatever.

"Riiight… I don't know who you think I am, but I've changed for the better thanks to Koei over here." Uzume explained before pointing to me.

I gave a wave as Nepgear stared.

"Koei's been dead for seven years." Nepgear said to herself almost inaudibly. "They've _all_ been dead for seven years…"

Steeling her resolve, Nepgear pointed the Malice Sword right at Uzume. "I'll kill you all over again! **THEIR DEATHS WON'T BE IN VAIN!**"

Equipping Serenity, Altradimension Neptune pulled out her twin katanas in response.

"Let me make this clear." I say with a heartfelt sigh as I prepared to fight the one Planeptune CPU I never thought I would fight. "I didn't _want_ this."

With a curt nod and a glint of determination in her eyes, she charged suddenly, forcing me on the defensive. Thinking on my feet, I forced her blade away from mine before taking a step back to regain my composure.

Staring each other down, Nepgear suddenly slashed at the air, causing a wave of dark energy to rush towards me. With a swift dodge, I could nearly _taste_ the dark energy as it rushed past me.

I turned to Uzume and Alt Neptune, who just seemed frozen with shock, probably for entirely different reasons.

"Ladies, I know I'm powerful, but I _just_ got out of a forced stint in bed and I really don't need to back so soon so if you could give me _A HAND _that'd be great." I state simply causing Neptune to jump into action, clashing blades with the corrupted Nepgear as I charged a Frostblast.

Nepgear managed to force away her sister just in time as I fired the charged spell which she then… Deflected? The fuck?

"Your cheap spells don't work on me! **SLASH WAVE!**" She slashed at the air again, a larger wave of delusional energy coming hard and fast as I felt my left arm be hit by the energy, tearing a fresh wound into it as I winced _hard_ in pain.

"F-fuck." Was all I got out before I fell to one knee in sheer agony as Neptune charged back in to defend me, dual blades clashing against Nepgear's singular sword.

Turning to Uzume, she was still stood there in shock, staring at me. After a moment, she started to walk towards me, getting down on one knee herself. "Kosy…"

I was using my undamaged arm to hold in the pain. Well, attempting to anyway. I was in sheer fucking agony from the wound, the delusional energy upping the pain.

"Ya got any heals?" I ask simply as the former CPU shook her head sadly.

"Didn't think we'd be in a situation like this." She said simply. "But I have a plan. You have Progression on you?"

I nodded, reaching into my jacket's pocket and pulling out said Artifact. Hey, I'm the Hero of Planeptune, it's safer on MY person than in the Basilicom ready for anyone to steal… Probably.

Slipping the ring on one of her glove-clad fingers, Uzume got back up, her body now _crackling_ with purple lightning, determination clear across her face. It was almost scary, before I remembered one crucial detail: She was on my side now.

I gave a genuine smile to my newest ally. "Give her _hell_, Uzume."

She looked down at me with a grin that could split her face in half. "Anything less and I wouldn't be Uzume _goddamn_ Tennobushi."

Using the last of my strength to get out of the way, I leaned against a nearby wall and waited for the carnage.

* * *

Standing before the corrupted Nepgear, I cracked my knuckles and and prepared for my first serious fight since my redemption. "Hey, Altsy". I attracted the attention of my former gun-for-hire who turned to me with a look of concern. "I got this. Make sure Kosy doesn't bleed out, I don't need Ifsy giving me another broken nose."

With a curt nod, she walked over to my new ally and popped out a healing potion. She was more prepared than me, at least.

"Now then, Gearsy." I stared at the psychotic goddess. "You might have beaten my old self and you may be using the blade made from my sheer _hatred_, but there's something stronger than that. It took a good beating to realize it, but it's obvious in hindsight."

Gearsy stood there, saying nothing. "Not gonna try to figure it out? It's the power of friendship."

"That's FUCKIN' GAY, Uzume!" I heard Kosy weakly yell from behind me as I sighed. Cannot believe I lost to that guy.

"You talk too much." Gearsy stated factually. "Die." She charged at me, intending to decapitate me with a swift horizontal swipe to the head. Luckily I've fought sword users before and ducked under the blade, delivering a electrically charged punch to her gut, causing her to lurch forward. Perfect.

Quickly grabbing her hunched over head, I slammed it against my knee and _OW FUCK._

"Yeah I could have told you that hurts!" Kosy taunted again, to which I simply responded by slamming Gearsy into the ground.

"It'll be **your** ass next!" I threatened to which he simply cackled.

"Yeah, yeah. By the by, NepG's back up." He pointed out, to which I was rewarded with a fist to the face.

After a came to, aching in both my knee and face now I looked at NepG who was bleeding and understandably looking _rather pissed_. Not since Compsy have I felt this much hatred from someone.

"I don't know _who _you are or _how_ you're managing to hurt me, but it ends** here.**" She raised her blade, to which it started to gain a dark aura along with her body. This… This isn't good.

"Yeah I think she's about to unleash an EXE Drive." Kosy pointed out again, to which I turned to face him.

"Do **you** want to fight her or are you going to shut the hell up?"

"I'm good." He shot a thumbs up with his undamaged arm as Altsy sighed.

"Less talking, more potion chugging." I heard Altsy chide as I focused my attention on Gearsy, who seemed to have charged her attack.

"I won't falter again. **DELUSIONAL SEVERANCE!**" Gearsy yelled as I _felt_ a spike of delusional energy in my very soul as she charged towards me, death in her eyes. A swift dodge helped avoid the first slash as I countered via a swift kick to the knee.

Falling to her undamaged knee, Gearsy received a quick kick to the face. Now flat on her back, I stepped on her chest, ready to end this farce.

"Say hi to Histoire for me." I dug in my boot before feeling someone pull me away.

"Uzume, stop!" Came the panicked cry of Altsy as she managed to get me away from the weakened Gearsy. "It's the _sword_, dammit!"

I blink, realizing my mistake before turning my attention to the aforementioned cursed blade.

"How do you deal with that?" I ponder aloud as Altsy pointed her gun and fired a few shots at the cursed sword, the bullets bouncing off of it harmlessly.

"Well, I'm out of ideas." Altsy shrugged as I warily looked at the knocked over Gearsy, seemingly dazed from the fight. "Probably should move it _away_ from her."

"You do it." I simply stated, crossing my arms. "Last time I touched the Malice Sword, shit went _down._"

With a nod, Altsy walked over to the blade and picked it up, moving it far, far away from Gearsy as I turned back to Kosy, who seemed to be up and about again.

* * *

Well, that was a fun fight! Kind of _shocked_ at how strong Uzume was. Sure, I've fought her before, but that was under delusional influence.

"Uzume…. Hot damn." I say, very much impressed by the fact she could take down Gearsy pretty effortlessly.

"You don't become a CPU without picking up a few fighting tricks." She factually stated in a calm manner. "Gearsy's a fuckin' pansy anyway."

I nod in approval as Big Nep opened up a rift. "Come on, best to get out of here before someone gets suspicious."

With some help from Uzume, the pair hefted Nepgear's unconscious body through the rift. I followed suit after looking around to make sure nobody saw us.

* * *

"I cannot believe you've done this." IF sighed again as I finished explaining my latest escapade and my newly torn jacket. "You _casually_ go to the timeline where you killed me, find Nepgear with this "Malice Sword", _fight her_ and somehow win?"

"Everyone deserves-" I started but IF held up a jacket clad hand.

"**I** **get it.** Second chances, whatever." She said in a bored manner. "Just… Why here?"

I gave an incredulous stare. "Let's leave the unconscious girl in the middle of a fucking park alone, seems fine to me."

"Fair point." IF retorted. "You going to explain to Alt Gear over there when she comes too?"

I shook my head. "Not my responsibility. I feel Big Nep would want to talk to her first."

"You're really getting some fair points today." IF noted in surprise. "Don't you want your jacket taken care of at least?"

I nodded. "Dunno who would take up a jacket this important, though."

IF's eyes became half lidded. "_Compa?_"

I stared. "Ya do know she's threatened to murder me on several occasions, right?"

IF shrugged. "She does that to _everyone_ who gets close to me. Don't tell me she's actually gotten to you?"

I give IF a **look**. "AND YOU TRUST HER WITH MY JACKET."

"Course I do. She knows how to stitch up wounds, ya think a jacket would be any trouble for her?"

I raised a finger to object, but came up with nothing. "Fair. Can you get her to stop threatening my life, though?"

She shook her head in response. "Tried. Failed. She's way too protective, even when I ask her to stop. Sorry if she has given you trouble, I rubbed off on her too much."

I took off my jacket and tossed it at the chunni. "You give it her. Make it look like it was _your_ jacket that was torn. Last thing I need is her up my ass again."

"Figuratively or literally? I told her to stop with her… Unique methods of punishment." IF said with a scary amount of seriousness.

"**Figurative.**" Was all I could say in response.

IF smiled. "Good. Last thing I need is for my boyfriend to have tension with my childhood friend."

"Could have said that… _weeks_ ago." I sigh in response.

"Her bark is worse than her bite anyway." She blew off my concerns.

"She's threatened my life on _multiple occasions_ and you're _okay with this._" I state simply.

"You should only get worried if she starts silently watching you." she advised. "That means she's planning on ending your life in the most efficient way possible."

I blink. "What."

"You get used to it." Was all she said before I noticed our guest starting to stir awake.

"G-goodness…" Alt Gear mumbled as she rose, looking around confused before she matched eyes with mine.

"K-Koei? She asked with some concern. "Where…"

"Planeptune. Namely a version where I didn't fuck up." I state simply. "Everybody lived to see another day."

Her concern fell away. "Goodness. Does that mean that Neptune…"

I gave a genuine smile. "I did one better. Hey, Big Nep. Your sister's awake." I got up to leave as said Neptune entered the room and saw the smiling face of her little sister for the first time in 7 years.

I'll admit, I started to well up a bit. I lost my family and my name. My former self is long gone.

Least I could do was reunite a pair of sisters separated by fate.

* * *

With that emotional scene now playing out, I headed to my Nepgear's lab to find Uzume and said scientist chatting happily.

"So this was your lab, huh?" Nepgear asked, clearly curious about her predecessor.

"Yeah. Spent many hours here back when I was CPU. Glad to see this place is still kicking." She mused nostalgically, running her hand across one of the tables. "Great condition to boot. I'm so proud of you, Gearsy."

Nepgear blushed."T-thank you Uzume…"

"No worries." She shook her head. "I know I have no real right to ask, but if you don't mind, I'd like to borrow the place once in a while."

Nepgear positively beamed in response. "Of course! It was your lab originally, come and go as you please."

"You two seem to be getting on." I interrupted their dialogue.

"Gearsy here is naturally friendly." Uzume motioned to her fellow nerd. "And we both have a natural interest in science. After the… Disappointment that was Neptune, I'm glad at least _one_ of my successors has a good head on her shoulders."

I found it hard to disagree with that. "What're you doing here anyway? Don't take you as much as a scientist?"

"Emotional reunion. Be awkward with me in there." I simply replied as I headed towards the pair. "Guess this is just the first place that was out of the way."

Uzume chuckled to herself. "This was always my home away from home when Histy got a little Pissty. Worked on so many projects down here, it's little wonder that my successor is as tech savvy as I was."

Nepgear's grin could split a tree. "So you consider NepG to be a worthy successor. Seems that the other NepG had things under control… Aside from that cursed sword."

Uzume made a slicing motion with her neck. "Xnay onyay ethay alicemay"

I stared. "I don't speak pig latin. Least I didn't sa y about the cloth at the back of the la- A GH." Was all I got out before Uzume decided to slam me into the ground.

"Kosy. **Shut it.**" Was all that was said before she let go of my throat. "Sorry about that, Gearsy. Official PSF business."

"I think Koei was referring to the funky purple sword hidden behind a cloth?" Nepgear innocently inquired, to which Uzume put a hand to her face.

"I _told_ Histoire to lock it in a hidden room..." She muttered, offering me a hand back up as a quiet apology. "So you _know _of the Malice Sword?"

Nepgear's smile fell as she nodded solemnly. "I've known of it for a while. I've just kept it quiet because of… Neptune."

Uzume crossed her arms with a hearty sigh. "Yeah, can't blame you on that one. I guess it'd take a lot for a nice girl like yourself to pick that blade up."

I gave her a side-long glance, a shiver barely visible on her steady body. Seems that last fight left her a little worse for wear than initially assumed.

"Well, now that it's an open secret, I can start researching it, knowing that my friends will have my back if anything goes awry." The CPU Candidate smiled as she headed to the back of the lab, uncovering the Malice Blade once again.

"You know in hindsight there really should have been more than just that cloth covering Planeptune's dark secret." I sigh as Uzume shook her head.

"Can't blame Histoire on that one. Small fairy hands." Uzume reasoned while Nepgear took the sword to a clear table and started to mull over it, using various tools to poke at the dark blade.

Seeming content with how NepG was working, Uzume turned to leave before nearly bumping into the _other_ NepG, puffy red eyes eyes indicating that the reunion was very emotional indeed.

"Uzume… I wanted to apologize to you and Koei. I wasn't very well when we met, so thank you for knocking some sense into me." She confessed sheepishly, looking away as she did so.

Uzume took it in stride. "Well, if there's one thing I know, it's what being under that power is like. Wish I could go back and never make that _stupid _Share Energy machine…"

"I don't mind either." I started before Uzume could get any more depressed. "I mean aside from tearing my jacket. That was _custom made_ you-"

"**Koei.**" Uzume stated simply, giving me a glare as she did so.

"R-right. Apology accepted." Seems that Uzume has the same sort of power that IF has. Intimidation.

"Thanks." Nepgear bowed, the strings of the hoodie bouncing with her. "Now that I think about it, maybe this parka isn't for me…"

I nodded in agreement. "Though we're still going to way to differentiate you two."

The Nepgear not focused on the Malic Blade stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I could get a new outfit. Now that I'm sane again, I realize this parka is… Pretty uncomfortable. Tight in all the wrong places."

"Hm. Do you think that's because of your physique being less… Jailbait than Neptune?"

She shook her head. "I swore this fit like a charm when I put this on years ago."

Now it was _my _turn to ponder. "AltG, just how many Shares have you lost over the years?"

"AltG, huh…" She mused momentarily before snapping back to reality. "Ah. I believe after Histoire… Passed, I became the sole CPU. Before I fought Uzume, I found the Malice Blade and it called out to me. After that… I just felt weakened over the following days and months."

I got straight to the point. "Did you… _Kill_ Uzume?"

She fell back in surprise before regaining her composure. "Y-yes. I had to stop her by any means."

"Did you happen to keep using the sword?"

A nod. "It was the most powerful weapon I had. I thought it'd help me defend Planeptune to the best of my capabilities."

I shrugged. "My best guess is that the Negative Share Energy that makes up the Malice sword countered your ever weakening divinity, if you managed to lose so many Shares…"

The penny dropped. "You mean I lost my CPU form?"

I shrugged again. "Try transforming."

To her credit, she did try and transform for the best part of a minute before giving up. "Strange…" She looked at her hands. "Could it really have been the sword?"

"Theoretically, yes." The "younger" Nepgear said suddenly as she span to face us. "After some analysis, I've realized that the blade is definitely made of Negative Share Energy. In fact, I feel my very soul being drained by being in contact with the sword."

"You're taking this calmly." I mutter as the scientist got up from her seat.

"Planeptune's Share Energy should be able to counter the draining effect. Plus, if you slayed Uzume while she was under that influence, that means the blade might have _absorbed_ that energy, adding to its power, including the apparent draining."

I blinked. "English?"

NepG stared. "By killing Uzume, the blade got _stronger._ With that and my alternate self's apparent loss of Shares, this may be why she lost the ability to be a CPU."

I crossed my arms. "Sounds stupid, but it's all we have."

"I… See…" AltGear said with remorse in her voice. "Guess the people don't believe in me if I managed to lose my immortality."

I put a hand on her shoulder. "Think about it like this. You can step down as CPU, get Planeptune running as a CPUless Nation and make it a neutral zone for the other three Nations. Might not help much, but it's better than nothing."

Altgear seemed to agree. "Yeah, that sounds fair. But…"

"And the best part is that you can then opt to leave your version of Gamindustri and go live with Neptune!"

I swear her eyes sparkled. "Of course! That's absolutely genius!" Very suddenly I was engulfed in marshmallow hell as she embraced me. Yup, definitely mortal.

"Not… A problem." I forced out, her crushing grip limiting my breathing.

"G-goodness!" She let go very suddenly, letting sterile air fill my lungs. "Guess I forgot that I… Grew a bit."

"Definitely Alt Nep's sister." I crick my neck in an attempt to get it back straight with a mutter. "Speaking of, you two cool now?"

"Yeah, I apologised for abandoning her, she cried all over my hoodie, good times all around." The aforementioned Alt Nep made herself known by embarrassing her own flesh and blood. "Guess it's all smiles in here too?"

I nod. "Yeah, thanks for the heal back there. Needed it."

She winked in response. "Any ally of Uzume is an ally of mine. Don't think about that too much…"

Uzume shook her head with a grin. "Guess that works out, now that I'm firmly on the side of Gamindustri now." She clenched a fist as her grin turned determined. "By my power, Gamindustri will be protected!"

"Ambitious, but a weapon would be useful, you know." I pointed out, to which Uzume showed her right hand with Progression still equipped.

"Not with this baby. Truth be told, I did use a sword at one point, as that's just the natural weapon for Planeptunians I guess. But then I discovered a few techniques for disarming a sword through research and decided to learn how to fight _without_ a weapon… Guess I just found my fists more fun." She cracked her knuckles.

I shrug. "And Progression is there to power up the punches?"

She shot a thumbs up. "That _and_ augment them with electricity to effectively turn my fists into weaker tasers."

"Suppose that works out, long as Neptune or Histoire agree to you using it." I agreed, before making a "follow me" gesture. "Might as well get going. I'm sure NepG has a lot of work to do if we want to figure out the Malice Sword."

Mutters of agreement came as we all left Nepgear be to do her science.

* * *

It's a… weird sensation being sat here right now. Drinking tea with the alternate version of Nepgear, two versions of Neptune, IF, Uzume and Histoire.

"Gang's all here." I weakly chuckle before sighing. "Man, this is weird." I thought aloud.

"Yeah, this is rather weird." AltG agreed, fiddling with her messy hair. "To think, our dimensions differ so greatly from a single choice made by a single being."

"Butterfly Effect, yeah…." I rubbed the back of my head. "To be fair, it was seven years ago in your timeline. More time for the effects to really hit home."

AltG breathed a sigh of relief. "As much pain as I've gone through, being able to see you all again brings peace to my soul." She looked at me with a determined glare. "I _won't_ falter anymore! If Planeptune needs defending, I'll have your back!"

I smile, nodding at AltG's declaration. "No hard feelings, then. Truthfully, I've fought…" I looked around at the assembled crowd. "Oh. Everyone here. Yeah, all of you have tried to kill me at some point, aside from Histoire."

"You _are_ an asshole, to be fair." IF pointed out, much to the amusement of everyone present. "Not surprised. Everyone who knows you for more than 5 seconds wants you dead."

"Oh shut it." I smiled at the chunni. "You're the girl who came closest to beating me, at least in a metaphorical sense." I sip at my Beer, sobriety clearly broken at this point.

IF put a sleeved hand to her chin. "I guess that's true. As the one you're closest to, that moment when you had the choice to let someone live or die… It would be heavy on you either way, wouldn't it?"

I tensed up. I never really _thought _about that fight beyond the basics. Hell, I wasn't even in my _right mind_ when I was presented with that choice…

I looked at Alt Neptune, who gave me the same look you'd give to a starving puppy. "Relax, Koei. You really don't need to think about it any more than you have."

I nodded grimly. "Yeah." I swallowed my feelings and got up to dust myself off, wincing slightly at my still aching left arm. "Ugh… How did that one slash take me out?"

"It seems that Serenity has a form of Share energy generation inside of it." The younger Nepgear emerged from her abode, finger scrolling the screen of a tablet. "From my analysis, whoever wielded Serenity in the past had some connection to Sharicite or something, because that's the main power source of the sword."

I scratch my chin. "That explains… Nothing."

Nepgear sighed and flipped around the tablet, showing Serenity being marked with several labels, one of which was the sapphire embedded in the handle. "See that gem? It's actually a _tiny_ piece of Sharicite."

Neptune's hand shot up. "Oh! Oh! That was me. When I went to Lowee to fix up that sword, I may have _borrowed_ some Sharicite to power up the blade a bit."

I gave her a _look_. "So I've been carrying around what is essentially a holy weapon for the back half of my adventure?"

Neptune shrugged. "It helped, didn't it?"

I put a hand to my face. "I thought something was off about that…" I took my hand off of it. "What did that glow mean, anyway?"

"Oh it was just "branding" you as the one true heir of itself." Neptune casually remarked, rolling her hand as she did so. "Really it should have been done that the first time you picked it up, I know how Lowee is with keeping things _legitimate._"

Taking out Serenity, I once again couldn't look at it the same way anymore. From an ordinary spellblade to Lowee's Artifact and now even a full on _holy weapon_.

But there was one thing that wasn't answered. "That's cool and all, but _what does that have to do with the Malice Sword?"_

Everyone assembled looked at me like I'd grown a second head. "Koei… Serenity pumps Share Energy _into you._ When the Malice Sword cut your arm, that connection was severed due to the Negative Share Energy flowing into your wound.. Hate to say it, but that sword is the source of your strength now." IF explained sadly.

I put a hand to my chin. "So… I am just _a guy_ with a magic sword." I mutter to myself, before starting to chuckle. "Yeah, seems 'bout right." I start to walk away from the various pieces of furniture.

"Koei…" IF started before I stopped her by raising a hand.

"I get it now. Serenity. A synonym for being at peace, untroubled." I turned to look at the friends I'd made… Well, the ones linked to Planeptune. "Histoire, you told me to bring peace to Gamindustri as my quest. I did that quite literally, didn't I?"

Blinking for a moment, the book fairy processed what I had just said. "Hmm. I guess you did bring peace to not just Planeptune, but all of Gamindustri."

"All while having Serenity on hand." I smiled. "I guess I brought Serenity, Peace, and Tranquility to the places I went, huh?"

Silence.

"Koei… That fucking _sucked_." IF sighed.

* * *

"So that speech might have failed." I finished off my drink and the recalling of my latest escapade to my ever so lovely barkeep.

"Well, I'm glad you're alright at least." Jill smiled. "After Uzume came in and I found out about the Poyu Poyu Plains accident, I was honestly worried about you."

I stared. "Really? This is me we're on about." I point out, to which Jill gave a half lidded stare.

"You **are** my best customer." She rubbed down a glass as she explained. "You come here most every night you're not incapacitated, you never cause a fuss and got a lot of new regulars in just from your presence, I guess."

I rubbed the back of my head while waiting for my next drink. "You know, I didn't really _come here_ to have more praise lumped onto me…"

Jill chuckled to herself. "Comes with the territory. You saved a lot of people, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "The CPUs save people daily. They deserve all the respect they get. I got _lucky._"

"Humble as ever, I see." A third voice came to interrupt our dialog as I turned to see White Heart, panting slightly, covered in sweat and splotches of blood. "Don't mind the blood. It's someone else's."

"I uh…" I was speechless as the flat fairy sat down on the bar with a sigh.

"One Pile Driver, I need to get rid of my tastebuds."

"On it." Jill complied with all the grace of a bartender. Seriously, that professionalism is _commendable._

"Pleasure to see you too, Blanc." I state diplomatically as she sighed.

"Don't mention it. As in, actually don't." She said flatly. "I did things that would be grounds for a reignition for the Console Wars if word got out."

"I uh…" I started again before a **look** forced me to look away as I got my next drink of the evening and chugged it gratefully.

"You remind me of my old boss, you know." JIll piped up, pointing to the CPU as she got her drink. "The hair, the eyes, the no-nonsense attitude with a sprinkling of mystery… Yeah, you'd make a great Dana impression."

White Heart smirked at that comment. "Thanks. I've heard a few things about the Red Comet myself. Must be a hell of a legend if her name rumoured about all the way from the PC Continent."

I nod in approval as I took a drink. "Why are you still in HDD anyway?"

White Heart shrugged. "The adrenaline rush goes well with booze. That and the barkeep called me cute."

"It's Jill and always a pleasure, Lady White Heart." She gave a little bow to complete her act with a smile.

White Heart gave a hearty chuckle to the display. No need for the formalities, Jill. I'm a customer, just like anyone else."

With that and a flash, she returned to her human form. "There we go. If I revert to my human form when I'm still full of adrenaline, I'll just go back to CPU form at the slightest provocation."

"And alcohol as a depressant, helps calm you down?" I prod, to which she nodded.

"Pretty astute of you, Koei. You might look like an alcoholic goof, sometimes you have pearls of wisdom."

I processed that… Compliment? "Thanks, but I'm smarter than I look."

"He is. His on the fly schemes tend to work out for him." Jill added, to which Blanc raised an eyebrow.

"That's luck." Blanc snorted dismissively. "Remember the Heavy Lobster incident when you jammed a sword into sparking electronics and got paralyzed?"

"Annnd didn't it work?" I point out to which Blanc rolled her eyes.

"Your Luck stat must be absurdly high, then." Blanc dismissed my bodacious boast in a very Blanc fashion.

"Whatever." I blow her off. "Anything new between you and Vert?"

"Anything new between you and IF?" She responded, taking a drink as she did so. "Aside from your new housemate who you **should have killed.**"

I sigh as I polished off my drink. "Ya think Uzume didn't do some fucked shit to me as well? I fought IF, nearly _executed her_ and then got a sword through the chest and an unofficial breakup as thanks."

"Yeah, yeah…" Blanc rolled her eyes. "I saw the fight during that first Seven Hels concert and it looked pretty brutal. Pretty shocked you're alive and kicking."

"Well, I have good friends watching my back." I gave a genuine smile to the imouto-looking goddess. "Rip her fucking head off, you said?"

Blanc was surprisingly caught off guard by that. "You… _heard_ that?"

I shrugged. "I don't understand the logistics of it myself, but it gave me the boost I needed, so thanks."

Blanc let out a heh. "Not a problem. Goddesses knows Vert would have prayed for you regardless and she's pushy when it comes to these sorts of things."

"Ah the ol' arm twister. Guess we have that in common." I chuckle to myself, expecting some sort of threat or violence.

Instead I got a sigh. "Yeah… As much as I care for Vert, she's really pushing for me to come out of my comfort zone more."

"Tell her how you feel." Jill stated simply without hesitation. "If you let her continue to control your life, you'll end up getting to a point where she's living _through _you. That doesn't end up well for anyone involved."

Silence filled the air as the jukebox continued to play. "Jill, you have a point…" Blanc muttered as she got up to leave. "Thanks. I'll head to Leanbox now and talk to her."

With that she left, making it two again.

"You sound like you have experienced that. Want to talk about it?" I kindly ask, to which Jill shook her head.

She shook her head, twintails bouncing around. "I sorted that out _long_ before I moved out of Glitch City. It's in the past now, at least."

"Alright. Guess I wouldn't be much help, considering how IF and I roll." I chuckle to myself. "Alright, hit me with a Crevice Spike and I'll be on my way. No alcohol, of course."

Jill smiled. "Coming right up. How are the alternate versions of Neptune and Nepgear anyway?"

"Catching each other up on how their lives went after they were seperated, last I saw. AltG's gonna _freak_ when she sees Nep Jr." I noted as I finished off the bitter drink and paid my tab for the evening. "Always a pleasure, Jill."

"Please come again." Jill smiled warmly as I left the seedy bar for home once more. Another day, another friend made. I'd say that's pretty productive.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter in particular is dedicated to my brother. Being a younger sibling myself, I know how it feels to be separated from an older sibling for years. Don't worry, we've reconciled since then (And he's been a massive help emotionally as of late too.) so I decided to write this little chapter to wrapping up the whole Altradimension thing. Because that was DUMB and now we have an older Gearsy to fuck about with. (Though I think she'll just be a side character, I've already ripped off Omegadimension enough as is.)


	39. EX Epilogue: Koei's Katharsis

**A/N**: This is the final chapter. Straight up. I know this has been complete for 5 chapters now, but NOW it's completely complete. Because I'm a hackkk.

**Mukuro Kaze, ryan4ever2016 and Incognito Doom: I'M SO SORRY WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKINNNNNNG**

_AHEM_

**Ace-Of-Weeb: **Hopefully never. Might fuck with Serenity's holy energy.

Enough delays. It's fanfic time.

* * *

Another day, another lovely _fucking hangover_. Blargh. Lazily throwing the quilt off of me, I was surprised to see IF still in bed with me, sleeping happily. I kinda forget that we're a couple, but eh.

Leaving her be, I slipped on some clothes and snuck out of the bedroom, finding Uzume as usual sitting up awake, watching TV with a coffee mug in her hands. Leaving her be for the time being, I made a cup of tea and sat down next to her.

Silence reigned between us for a few minutes before Uzume started. "So… We're _not_ going to talk about Alt Nepsy ad Gearsy?"

I sighed. I wanted to avoid this topic. "Look, they're probably in Ultradimension, enjoying their new lives reunited, why the _hell_ would you bring it up-"

"It's not about _them_ specifically, but… Alternate versions of this world, ya know? A future where you disappeared and Gearsy had to step up to the plate, burdened by so many innocent deaths." She seemed genuinely hurt by what she saw at least.

I leaned back on the sofa and thought about how Gamindustri would be changed with one single action. So many divergent timelines made from a simple pull of the trigger is _fascinating_, but ultimately speculation.

"I wonder what kind of villain name I'd pick." I muttered wistfully as Uzume looked at me.

"Ya what?" She responded simply as I leaned back further, sinking into the cushions further.

"I mean, if NepG can be corrupted, I'm a prime candidate for becoming a villain myself, no?" I postulate aloud. "Knowing me, I'd go full melodramatic dark lord. You probably know the kind, right?"

"Maniacal laughter, dark cloak, runs their mouth like it's their job?" Uzume replied, to which I gave a nod. "It's weird that I have shades of that, looking back."

"I mean, it is pretty cliche." IF interrupted our dialogue, coffee in hand and jacketless, revealing her arms for one of very few occasions. "I didn't really _want_ to bring it up seeing as it might have been seen as _insensitive_." She finger quoted that last word as she exposited. "But yeah, you were pretty generic. You could have _easily_ killed Koei at the point you had him at your mercy."

Uzume rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up. Delusional energy makes you do crazy shit. Imagine being stuck with it for 20 years and then finally having some company. _You'd_ want to go all-out too." She finished off her coffee as I shifted to let IF on the rightmost seat, becoming a buffer between her and Uzume. "I don't even know why you're critiquing me, considering that my insanity is the only reason that Kosy is even alive!"

I turned to IF with a worried look. "She raises a fair point. Do you _really_ want me dead just to have Uzume be a less cliche villain?"

IF sighed. "Of course not, but she sets a bad precedent. You know people _saw_ that fight between you and Uzume, right? All the talking makes people think it was rigged or something."

I felt my eye twitch. "I got **a sword. Through the chest.**" I stated simply. "See those naysayers get a sword through the goddamn chest."

"Yes, yes." IF patted my head in a soothing manner. "We know your struggles Kopey and thank you for being the hero you are."

I blushed hard at the petting, but did feel somewhat better. "T-thanks, Iffy."

"Comforting _aside_." Uzume interrupted. "The danger of potential alternate timelines is a _very real_ one. Who knows what would happen if a rift opened up and an evil version of myself came out of it, for instance."

"Geez, don't act like you're a goody two shoes who _didn't _attempt to blow up Planeptune or anything." I rolled my eyes in a huff.

"I'm thinking of a version of me that _won._ Not just "Beat you but died to Gearsy", but "Beat you, got the Malice Sword then shit went **down**.""

I shuddered. The thought of a fully evil Uzume with that sword's power… Would I even be able to stop her?

"Buuut I doubt anything would happen. A version of me that "won" would probably be content with taking over Planeptune. Not even going into the possibility of the other CPUs coming for me, that wouldn't end well at **all.**"

"So what you're saying is we don't have to worry about any alternate timelines?" I ask hopefully.

"There's a more than 0% chance that it may happen." Uzume crossed her arms and lowered her head. "But it's highly unlikely, considering there's infinite timelines and all."

"So what you're saying it won't happen until it does." I state simply. "Sounds about right, if I must be honest."

IF leaned back with a content smile. "Well, it seems that things are fine for now at least." She turned to me with a smile. "Which means that we have the day off, bassically."

I felt my face flush red as IF got up to leave. "Come on, **stud boy.**"

I get up to look back at Uzume, already laid back on the sofa and fumbling for the remote. "Go on ahead, the new season of Magical Girl Nowaru just dropped on Nepflix. Gonna binge that while you're both out."

Thanks a lot, Uzume…

* * *

It was weirdly warm today. That explains IF having her jacket off, along with having a simple shirt and tracksuit bottoms outfit on.

Still, Planeptune was as bustling as ever, and I like it. People going about their days in this lovely utopia made all the pain I went through worth it. After all, their smiling faces were thanks to my efforts, along with the CPUs when they came to.

"Hey, Iffy," I started, causing the chunni to turn to me with an adorable smile. "What do _you_ think of Planeptune as a Nation?"

"Hmm…" She put a hand to her chin as she looked at me with a smile. "Well, I live here so I guess that says a lot. It's easy to find your way around, the architecture is fascinating and of course, Neptune herself is a joy to be around, despite her laziness."

I was surprised by her answer but she seemed genuine about it. "Well… I guess if I risked my life for this Nation, it means a lot to me, right?"

IF simply nodded with a giggle. "Sounds about right for you. So, want to see more of the Nation you helped save?"

I smiled right back. "Gladly."

IF started to walk away from the apartment complex, to which I followed. "Planeptune is the second oldest Nation, right behind Lowee." She started to explain. "Obviously a fierce rivalry started, mostly headed by the CPU at the time…"

I thought back to Plutia. Yeah, no surprise that happened.

"Eventually, Lastation got involved, and after Leanbox was created, things calmed down. Mostly due to Neptune taking the helm, of course." IF finished, before pointing to the Basilicom. "Of course, there's the Basilicom, the towering jewel of Planeptune, you've been there before."

I nodded as she moved her hand to a section of Planeptune with notably more skyscrapers than the area we were in. "There's the sort of industrial district, where business happens. Not _quite_ as famous as Lastation's, but a lot of high-ranking CEOs reside here for health reasons."

She then pointed behind us. "This is of course, the residential district. Apartments, local stores, everything a Planeptune citizen needs to live happily is here. Yes, including booze." She joked, causing me to chuckle slightly as we continued the tour.

* * *

To skip a lot of needless padding, we toured Planeptune, IF explaining a lot of the Nation's history, pointing out local hotspots and generally just hanging out.

Actually, that sounds pretty good.

"So we've both been in Celestia before, but Planeptune _does_ have a variety of restaurants. Sushi places, ramen places, Chinese takeaways imported from Leanbox…"

I look around the aptly named food district, gawking at the restraunts like some form of fuckin' tourist, despite living here for a while by now.

"Hmm, a lot of choices." I ponder aloud. "Any that do fish and chips?"

* * *

Not 10 minutes later I was chowing down on a platter of a British staples, said fish and chips. IF also had a portion and we were outside, sat on a bench with diddy disposable forks. It was _all_ disposable, really. Very efficient for eating and all that.

"So… How do you like fish and chips?" I asked IF between bites.

"Good, surprisingly." She admitted with a small smile. "Honestly never considered this to be so delicious."

I gave a smile back. "Good. I always liked fish and chips back home, so I'm glad Gamindustri adopted this British staple. Reminds me of home, almost."

My smile turned sad as I thought of my old home for the first time in a while. I didn't have fish and chips much, but...

"Thinking of times gone by?" IF asked, a genuine look of concern on her face. "Compa always got that look when she thought about her parents. Lovely people, but they passed on due to… Medical complications."

"Ah." I responded, suddenly feeling sorry for the nurse who has threatened me on more than one occasion.

I mean, I did the same with _Uzume_, so this is not shocking to me at least. Still…

"So that's why she went into medicine?" I prod, to which IF shook her head between mouthfuls of haddock.

"I think she would have gone into medicine regardless. She's _that_ sort of person, despite her… Quirks." IF smiled a bit, knowing Compa well, it seemed.

Finishing off my meal, I tossed it all into the nearest bin before requipping my UI Gloves. What? I don't want to get them greasy, just in case these are not machine washable. Gotta take care of my tech, after all.

"I'll admit, that was really nice." IF said, putting her rubbish in the same bin. "Thanks for that, Koei."

I smiled back. "Anytime."

* * *

The day has progressed pretty quickly. Maybe it's just being with Iffy, maybe it's because I'm enjoying learning about the Nation I almost died for, maybe it's just enjoying life in general now that I'm free to do pretty much whatever.

Either way, the sun had set and we were heading to the outskirts of Planeptune for some reason. There were some familiar buildings around, so I assume this was the southern part of the city, including our apartment in the distance.

"So…" I started. "Where we headin'?"

"Somewhere." Was all she said. Helpful, thanks a lot.

We continued in silence for a while, climbing a hill and ending up on a cliffside overlooking Planeptune, with a single tree for decoration. It was… _Goddesses what a view._

The city twinkling below, purple and white light pierced the darkness in a brilliant display of technology that almost looked unreal despite me, you know _living there._

"Wow." Was all I said as IF sat down on the edge of the cliff, which briefly worried me before she beckoned for me to sit next to her.

Sitting down, IF sighed. "Koei, I didn't just bring you here for the view. It's _lovely_, don't get me wrong. I discovered this secluded location coming back from a Quest one day and come up here sometimes to think about life without getting bothered by Nep or Compa."

I nodded in agreement. "Seems like a great place to unwind. Tranquil, picturesque, all that good shit."

IF giggled in response. "You have a way with words. But still, that's not the only reason."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I have something I want to get off my chest… A confession." She looked away. Oh god. Oh fuck.

"Look, if it's about my lack of _affectionate actions_ with you, I am not that kind of guy…"

IF very quickly shot up, waving her hands in a very panicked manner. "Not like that! Our current level of intimacy is _fine,_ don't think you need to increase your affection if you're comfortable with it as it is! You're allowed your own space and-"

I pulled her into a hug, partly to ease my worry and partially because she really needed a hug. Hugs are nice and feeling her warmth and heartbeat put me at ease too.

Letting go, IF's blush was _very_ visible. "T-thanks." She cleared her throat and returned to what she was thinking of. "Anyway, I wanted to confess something to you. Something that I've never told anyone before."

I nod solemnly. She seemed serious, so I stayed quiet.

"You remember the first time we were at Celestia? I got kinda drunk and talked some shit about being Ifrit's daughter or something?"

I chuckle as I thought back to that night. It _was_ the first time we spent any significant time together as a couple? Guess we weren't a couple back then, just two friends hanging out after a long day.

Heh, things haven't really changed since then.

"Fun times, what does that have to do with your confession?"

IF's smile fell. "Well, it's related to that day. Ya see, I _do_ have something I've never told anyone… It's about my latent power."

Pretty ominous. "Aight, shoot. Keep in mind I don't really _understand_ how magic works here."

IF nodded before she started. "Okay. So you know how people have their preferred element? You have ice, I have fire, Vert has Wind and _generally_ Planeptune favours energy-based weapons?"

I nod, to which IF smiled and continued. "Well, your weapon favours ice because it's a weapon forged in Lowee, the Nation that favours ice? I want you to guess why I favour fire."

I put a hand to my chin and think for a moment before turning back. "Your katars were made in Lastation?"

IF shook her head with a grin. "You're right about the katars, but nope. Keep trying."

"You just like fire?"

"Also true, but _nope!_" She was clearly enjoying this. "You won't get it."

I thought deeply about my third guess. Truly it must be something deep within her. "You're hot as fuck?"

… Okay, not my _best_ answer.

IF sat frozen for a moment before she started to giggle softly to herself before it got louder and she stopped trying to hide it as she fell back in hysterics. I didn't think it was _that_ funny, but I let her have her laugh as she got back up, tears in her eyes.

"Oh Goddesses Kopey, _that's_ something else entirely." She wiped the moisture from her eyes. "Again, _technically_ correct and _really sweet _of you, but no."

I sigh, all reasonable options out of my system. "Alright, I give up."

IF's face lit up as she smiled _very_ adorably at me. "Told ya." Her face fell again as she thought of what she was going to say. "It's something pretty serious, though. Hence why I haven't really talked about it to anyone."

I put an arm over her as I pulled her in. "I nearly gave my life for you and gave up my adventuring _because _of what I did to you. It's alright to be honest with me."

I could _feel _her blush. "Kopey…" She said almost breathlessly before I felt her push me away. "Okay. I'm ready." She took a deep breath "The source of my power is a yokai."

I process this confession for a minute. Probably longer. "A… Yokai?"

"Ancient demon. They were thought to be extinct, but one reawakened in Lastation… 15ish years ago?" IF explained.

I started to put the pieces together, processing the fact that my girlfriend has demon magic.

"That's… Pretty fucking awesome?" I admit.

"Yeah, but she's kind of… _very murder-ey_." IF visibly cringed. "She started yelling something about "Protecting the reactor" before starting to rain fire down on Planeptune."

I lean back in surprise. Jesus christ, yokai go **hard**. "What were you doing, anyway?"

"We were out and about. Me and my old man." IF's smile turned sad. "I miss him a lot."

"Oh." Was all I said in return, putting the pieces together finally. "So he…"

"He went out like a champ, at least." Her smile rebounded a bit. "Not everyone tries to take on a yokai with a garbage lid as a shield, ya know."

"So how did that yokai… You know?"

"Well, she was about to kill me, but Purple Heart descended from the sky and impaled her pretty hard. After that, the yokai just… disappeared into energy, looking for the nearest human… That happened to be me."

I put a hand to my chin. "So the yokai's energy didn't really care that it was going into a clearly traumatised Young Iffy?"

IF gave a wry grin. "Surprisingly, no. The good news is my latent power awakened a few months later while I was training my katars." Crossing her arms, she raised her head. "On that day, I knew what my duty was. And my element."

I lie back, feeling the cool grass on my back as I contemplated. "So, you've never told anyone this because?"

She stopped for a moment. "_You_ try telling people "Hey, so I have the spirit of a yokai inside me, that might cause issues later down the line?" Ya sound nuts."

I lift myself back up with a sigh. "Yeah, if I didn't trust you wholeheartedly it'd sound crazy. Still sounds crazy, but this is Gamindustri after all."

IF smiled, seeming relieved to have finally shared her burden. "Hey, a problem shared is a problem halved, right?" I reassured her with a light pat of the head.

"Alright, alright." She removed my hand and even in the darkness, I could see her blush. "You got any Beer on you?"

I pulled out two cans of Beer from my inventory. "You have to _ask?_" I handed one to IF as I cracked open mine.

"Doesn't hurt to be polite." IF took a drink of her own Beer. "Blegh, it's warm."

I put my Beer down as I stood up, lifting myself from the cliffside. "Maybe I can sort that."

Pulling out Serenity, I pointed it at the night sky, starting to charge everything I had into Serenity. IF understandably looked at me with concern, but I fought through the gradual burning feeling, Serenity glowing like a star by the time I felt the last of my strength leave me.

I breathed in as much as I could and let out a mighty war cry. "COVER THE WORLD IN SNOW! **MEGA SNOWSTORM!**"

With that chant, all of Serenity's energy shot out towards the sky, barreling before it randomly exploded into a mass of snow, before a tornado appeared to spread the snow all across Planeptune.

**(Current Song: ** **Neptune Sagashite**

**\- Hyperdimension Neptunia The Animation)**

Cause and effect happened to blast me backwards into the tree as soon as the spell detonated, somehow leaving me unharmed as I felt the world drop a few degrees.

After opening my eyes back up, IF was stroking my head with a look of concern on her face. "Christ, Koei." She said in a sacred manner. "You sure know how to scare a girl, huh?"

I chuckled breathlessly before taking out a SP Charger and chugging it without a word. Feeling my strength return, I got back up and headed to the cliffside and… Wow.

Planeptune was _already_ striking at night, Planeptune covered in fresh snow is absolutely the most perfect sight I could have laid my eyes upon.

Sitting back down on the cliffside, I opened my Beer and took a drink of it. Ice cold, just as planned.

"Well, aside from the breathtaking view, our drinks are cold too." I snark, a genuine smile on my face as IF sat back down next to me.

"It's a once in a lifetime view with the man of my life and a drink to relax with. I couldn't ask for anything more." IF admitted, a genuine smile and a blush on her cheeks. She seemed happier than before, maybe it was just the perfect moment for her, a weight off her shoulders and the view of a lifetime.

Looking down to Planeptune, it seemed that more than a few people had noticed, as a snowball fight was going one with Neptune and Nepgear leading the attack, unsurprisingly.

Yeah, I could agree with her on the view.. "Why not take a picture?" I suggest. "Surely one of your phones has a camera?"

IF giggled. "Thanks to the unification, I'm down to two phones. One work phone…" She took out a very inconspicuous phone and snapped a picture before very suddenly grabbing my side and pulled me into a hug. With my look of surprise clear across my face, a flash appeared and just like that, I had a photo taken of me.

"Perfect." IF smiled as she fiddled with her phone a bit before turning the screen to me. It was her lock screen and it was the very same image she had just taken, with her having a wry, blushing smile and me having a very confused look.

"Wow, now I'll never forget that my girlfriend has a picture of me on her phone screen." I blink as she slipped the phone back into her pocket.

"Just think of it as you being with me, even when we're not together." IF said simply as I pulled out the plush of her and gave it a squeeze.

"Ya mean like our matching plushies?" I turned to her with a wry grin.

IF looked away with a blush "S-shut up…"

I laughed politely, taking a victorious and cold drink of Beer. Getting one on Iffy after a sweet gesture of love? Definitely the perfect night.

"There you two are!" I heard Uzume call out to us as she strode through the snow. "Goddesses above, one minute I'm binging _Hyperdimension Neptunia: The Animated Series_, the next I see a massive snowstorm start up. The hell did you do, Kosy?"

I shrugged. "My usual?"

Uzume pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh before looking back at us. "Well, if that'll be all, I just got to the episode where Eden invades. Good drama, you know?"

"Why not stay here and have a Beer with us instead?" I suggested, to which Uzume stopped her trudge and turned back around.

"Really? Seems like you and Ifsy are having a good time on your date. Don't want to crash it or anything." She said quietly, to which I shake my head.

"Nah, nah. You're part of the team now, you know?" I put a hand to my chin thoughtfully. "Come on, we got more than enough Beer to go around."

Uzume seemed to contemplate for a moment before shrugging. "Ah fuck it, Nepflix will still have that anime." And walked over to join us on the cliffside as I pass her a Beer.

Looking out to the utopia, I couldn't help but smile. The world was safe, Planeptune was even more picturesque than usual and it was just the three of us, ready to spend the night joking and drinking.

Yeah, I could get used to this. Even funnier is the fact that we were under a tree the whole time.

My story started with a snow covered plateau under a tree, and it ends with one.

I'm sure some threat will force us to take our duties as protectors seriously at _some_ point, but who cares, right?

Between the three of us, I don't think _anyone_ could stop us.

* * *

**A/N: **And that's all he wrote. Sociopath With a Spellblade is **officially, 100%** completed. I honestly wanted to end it at EX 4, but decided a cute epilogue date chapter would suffice. As for the chapter _after_ this… We do not discuss Suplex the Shark. It is not canon and very, _very_ dumb.

Moving away from that, to make up for that… **mess**, there's a bit more to this chapter, a few sprinkles of mystery for a potential sequel. Speaking of mystery, IF's inner yokai! Who is it?

Well, considering I have no creativity, I decided to borrow from another story. If you can guess who she is, good for you. But there are _some_ hints, namely to a type of bird that IF is often described as. Oh and for extra spice, it involves a franchise that I've already mentioned in this fanfic before, so no surprise what, _4th _series to crossover with?

God this went way too far with the crossovers, even if it's for bit characters like 5pb./Helena and Jill.

Still, let's focus on the positive. KoeIffy is _adorable_ and while at first I was skeptical of IF x OC, I think it worked out _reasonably_ well. Not to throw shade at other degene- I mean writers, OC x CPU is kinda off putting considering they're immortal and all. See also that Vert x IF thing in Re;Birth 1, glad they made her a siscon instead and not just because I lowkey ship her with a power fantasy version of myself.

**FANFICTION!**

Why hasn't someone taken my keyboard away from me yet?

Oh well, to make up for… Next chapter in reading order, last chapter cronologically, here's a post-"credits" scene. I already gave my obligatory platitudes in _New Game, New Life_, so there's no point reiterating.

Once again, if you've made it this far, you are _epic_ and I love you. Thank you for reading and please, stay safe.

This is Hclegend, signing off this project. Ciao!

* * *

Four females sat in a house on the cost of PC Continent. Four very talented and powerful humans with the ability to manifest so-called "Gold Forms" when needed. Being a third party, not invested in any particular Nation, they call themselves Gold Third. The leader, C-Sha was quietly reading the latest release of the Peashy Times when she came across a peculiar article.

Not just because it was clearly ripped from the Gamindustri News Network, though that was part of it. But because it described the Planeptune Special Forces as "The strongest humans in Gamindustri."

This angered C-Sha. Not just because she'd been ripped off with a inferior product (Though that didn't help matters.) but this "Planeptune Special Forces" was led by a _man._ And well, C-Sha wasn't _sexist_, but she does wish that men would only see her for her chest sometimes.

Throwing the newspaper in a huff, C-Sha got up. "Ladies, we're heading to Planeptune."

The others clearly looked at her with confusion at her sudden outburst. "But why?" The youngest member, B-Sha asked curiously. "Do they have jobs open?"

C-Sha shook her head. "No, but if we defeat these "Strongest Humans", we might just get some notoriety.

Some mutters of agreement and a boat ticket for four later and Gold Third were headed to Gamindustri to settle a score.

C-Sha stood on the port, awaiting the boat that would lead them to their next big challenge. "Koei Tech… Let's see if you can step up to Gold Third."

* * *

"I see. So the CPUs of your world haven't made any moves on you since the lab incident?" A eyepatch clad CPU-lookalike and the alternate Rei Ryghts were discussing via a rift that had recently opened, allowing the corrupt former goddess to travel to the Gamindustri Graveyard as she pleased.

"Not as far as my sources know." She said with a sigh. "I do miss Anonydeath. Impossible to find good help these days."

"I'll take that as a compliment." The eyepatch clad woman rolled her one working eye. "Regardless, are you ready on your end?"

Rei shrugged. "As ready as I can be with my ragtag group. How is "ASIC" coming along?"

The future villain sighed. "Ever since the Uzume incident, security's been on high alert. Pirated games are almost impossible to get onto the market." She crossed her arms in an angry manner.

"Well, stay persistent. Once you get an audience, ASIC will grow naturally." Rei advised with a smile. "Contact me again once your end is set up and I'll start distracting the Ultradimension's _pathetic_ CPUs."

With a curt nod between the pair, the line cut out.

* * *

**A/N:** Looks like Koei's got trouble incoming, from both good and bad guys. Guess that's becoming a Nation-wide Hero does to you.

(Also explains the lack of VII's Gold Third, considering they were on another continent the whole time.)

So if the sequel ever _does_ come around, it won't be in the same style as this. It's for the best as there'll be a wider cast to focus on and I figure there's going to be a lot of perspective shifting if I stuck with the original.

In this hypothetical sequel that I may or may not write, depending on how I feel. I definitely need some time and _hey look at that a brand new high end gaming PC and a huge Steam library that I couldn't run before __**how convenient.**_

Her name is Monolith and I am using her to play VII and see how wrong about Uzume I was. And a lot of other things.

**FANFICTION! FUCK CANON! **

I'm so sorry for writing this.

And the next chapter.

Thank you for reading.


	40. Suplex The Shark

**A/N:** Check the date, it's time for this story to truly go insane.

(For those reading _after_ April 1st, 2020 I offer my sincere apologies.)

* * *

Jill and I sat in Celestia, a strange silence overlaying our usual banter and my recalling of my life story as I drank.

"Say… What do you think the hardest animal to win a wrestling match against is?" Jill asked, trying to break the silence. "Obviously something deadly like a bear, but you know… Which one?"

"Well first of all, it'd have to be something with scales or something that makes it hard to grip, so probably not anything land-based." I sip at my Beer. "Unless you want to go with an anaconda or something."

Jill put a hand to her chin. "They are known for being slimy and slippery. But you have a point, probably something aquatic."

"Well in that case, probably a blue whale." I shrug.

"Eh, it wouldn't fit in the arena. Probably something smaller but still supremely hard to pin down… Like a shark!" She realized, snapping her fingers.

"How do you suplex a fucking _shark?_" I ponder aloud. "Like the size issue aside, those fuckers got rows of teeth."

"I think more people die from coconuts falling from trees a year than sharks. Those are the real threat." Jill stated, cleaning a glass.

"Yes, but you can easily MMA a coconut. Sharks on the other hand?" I think about it some more. "Then again, it'd die if it wasn't underwater."

"I never considered that." Jill replied. "What about if the arena was underwater to give it the best chance against you?"

Our philosophical discussion about pinning down aquatic lifeforms was interrupted by the door being kicked in by Big Neptune, who had a body bag slung over her shoulder. "Hey guys! Guess who I found on my day off?"

"Adolf Hitler's twin brother who likes Jews?" I ask rhetorically.

"Lan Cable of HA-V3N fame? I haven't talked to him in a while, actually." Jill looked despondent as Neptune flung the body onto the counter.

"Nope! But overly edgy as usual, Koei! Just what I'd expect from…" She unwrapped the body bag to reveal a _suspiciously similar_ young man. "Hclegend himself!"

I took a moment to process this as he got up and hopped off the counter wordlessly. "Huh. So _that's_ how you suplex a shark." I remarked, my question answered.

"Well, Saints Row 4 already did "Punch the Shark" for the grand finale." Hclegend admitted, rubbing his head nervously, his union jack clad shirt lifting slightly. "So I had to improvise with the title."

Blinking, I reached for Peace and pointed it to his head. "So _you're_ the bastard behind all of _this!_" I waved my free hand around to indicate the general area.

Understandably he put his hands up in a defensive manner. "Hey, watch where you point that thing. It's _my_ ass on the line this time!"

"Then sit down. Chat a while. Big Nep, lock the door." I gestured to a chair as Big Neptune did just that.

"Hey! I could be getting other customers tonight!" Jill yelled as Big Neptune returned from her talk.

"You won't." Hclegend said with a sigh. "This place served as a great framing device and a way for characters to spend time privately while not being cooped up in the Basilicom all the time."

Jill shrugged. "Fair point. Want a Beer?"

"_Gladly._" He nodded, turning to me, his glasses reflecting the neon lighting. "So, what do you want? I was writing Azur Lane shipfiction before I got kidnapped by Big Tiddy Onee-San over there." He pointed to Neptune who responded with a wave.

"... Is that a fucking pun." I groaned, not believing the shit I was hearing.

"Puns are the lowest form of comedy aside from meta humor. So of course it is." He confirmed. "Though _A Bitter Rivalry_ isn't _far_ off of that if I play my cards right…"

I responded with a slap. "Hey! No shilling your other trash while you're in the _actual_ story!"

He rubbed his cheek. "Alright, fine. This is a bit of a self-congratulatory thing anyway."

I rolled my eyes in response. "Oh geez, I didn't even notice. Thanks Captain Obvious!" I sacaristically retort. "Why the fuck did you even write this? Not just this Jump the Shark bullshit, but the story _in general._"

"I was bored." Hclegend shrugged. "What, you think I wrote this because I thought I'd change the world or something?"

"Change the world for the worse, yeah."

"Hey! It wasn't that bad… _right?" _

"You killed me off within 100 words."I deadpan stared, holding up my pinky finger. "You shipped me with IF within 10 chapters." Ring finger now. "You literally had me and the rest of the main cast go on a _drug trip._" There's the middle. "The shit you pulled with Big Neptune being from _an alternate timeline and having disappeared in the original one._" There's the index. "That _ending_, both parts of it." My thumb. "The fact you continued this story despite it clearly ending off on a high note." My right thumb now. "The constant overuse of meta humor." My right index finger joins the party. "Hell, the constant overuse of "running gags" like "I BLAME THAT ON THE CONCUSSION", like what, you're getting that trending on Twitter or something?" Right middle finger coming up to bat. "And **do not** get me started on that fucking dream sequence in _I F F Y._" I lowered all my fingers to give a two bird salute. "In short, this story sucks and so do you."

"For the record I don't suck, I swallow." Was all that Hclegend said as he continued to drink.

"See, that's what I mean? That's not even _funny!_"

"Well, it is a little bit." Jill said, cleaning out a glass. "Though I'll admit you making this a technical crossover with VA11-HALL-A and Azur Lane was probably a tad far."

"A _tad_? You could argue he jumped the shark at that point! Or any of the points I just mentioned?"

Hclegend took another drink before responding. "You know what, you do have a point." He looked me dead in the eye. "But I don't care. Because you know what? I had fun writing this."

I blinked. "Huh. Guess that's fair enough then… Wait, did you just make me agree with you?"

He smiled before finishing off the drink. "Now why would I do that? I'm not even at my writing desk."

I sighed. "Son of a bitch. I guess it's a Neptunia fanfiction after all, even if you argurably went a little _too_ balls to the wall."

Hclegend pulled a £5 note out of his pocket. "One Pile Driver, if you don't mind." He turned back to me. "Eh, isn't that the _point_ of fanfiction? I'm doing things that in canon would never happen. Sure, UniGear is a bit overplayed, but that's why I put it to the side in favour for a more interesting pairing: VerBlanc… Oh and KoeIffy too I guess."

"Kinda sad that you ship yourself with a fictional character, dude." I remarked, taking a drink of Beer as I did so. "I mean we already know you're a no-life virgin if you're writing _Neptunia_ fanfiction but jeez."

Hclegend rolled his eyes. "Sad as it may be, admit it. It was the best part of this trainwreck." He took his first drink of Pile Driver as he did so. "Christ alive, that's shit. Anyway, I didn't even intend on shipping them at first. It just so happened that IF was an integral character early on when Koei- sorry, _you_ barely knew anyone. I even replied to a comment in an Author's Note saying that I wouldn't be shipping you." He clarified. "Seriously! I was going to do UniGear when they were introduced later on, _maybe _VerBlanc if I was feeling brave, but the thought didn't cross my mind until I realized how much she was in the earlier chapters and how smoothly the snark between the two of you flowed."

I shrugged. "I guess that works. Speaking of, what was that shit about Artifacts you dumped halfway through the story?"

"Oh that!" Hclegend laughed. "Oh Goddesses, you should _know_ that 75% of this fic is just me fucking _winging_ it as I write. Hell, after like Chapter 10 I had no written notes! I had a few ideas floating around, such as you and IF having that climactic duel in _I F F Y_ and Uzume being redeemed, but the details were written right then and there and I think having that freedom to work with helped quite a bit in hindsight."

"I'd argue it also left quite a few plotholes." I sighed. "For instance, dropping the fact that the story was being told as a flashback _28 fucking chapters in._ That twist was _dumb!_"

"You said that in _Old Friends, New Family_." Hclegend pointed out. "Fuck, that chapter's not even _out_ yet."

I stared him in the face. "You're writing this because you _already_ wrote the finale and have nothing better to do?"

He shrugged. "Caught me red handed. Plus, _Dante's Night At Freddy's 2 _kinda did the same thing and that shit was _hilarious!_"

I slammed my hands on the table. "**REALLY?** A fucking **FNaF **fanfiction?"

Hclegend crossed his arms. "You had no problem with the deliberate MLP shoutout in _Turning Up The Bass_, you know."

I sat down with a sigh. "I think that too was entirely unnecessary and stupid. But hey, I guess it's _your_ phone… Fucking Brony trash."

Hclegend pointed an accusing finger at me. "Hey! That's fucking _former_ Brony trash to you! I'm more weeb trash now, anyway."

I gave him a _look_. "No. Really. The fact you wrote a 200k word Neptunia fanfiction, have a Karen Kujo profile picture and are writing a fucking _shipgirl shipfic_ didn't tip that off? You're as subtle as a sledgehammer to the balls."

Hclegend waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "Some people like jokes with 10 layers of subtext. I like going straight for it. It's all subjective, man."

"God I'm surprised you didn't get me stoned at some point." I rolled my eyes. "I mean we both look like total stoners anyway."

Hclegend stroked his goatee. "Well, I suppose _Koei Der Toten_ _did_ establish that. But really, didn't have the time. That was what, 3 chapters before the final arc?"

"Ran out of ideas, mister author?" I snarked. "Christ, we both know you ran out of ideas before the _Ultradimension_ arc! That's why that arc even _exists_!"

Hclegend avoided my gaze as he looked away. "Yeah… That was a bit filler-ey. That and I could have done more with the Ultradimension CPUs." He snapped his fingers and pointed them at me. "But that's what _Taming the Sadie_ is for!"

I pulled Peace out again as he simply shrugged. "What? Jealous you're not getting the limelight? You know there's some ideas I'm saving for the sequel, too."

I put my head in my hands as I heard the bad news. "Oh god he's writing a sequel."

"Well, not _yet._ I've been writing this for the best part of a fucking year. Last thing I need is more of your shit." He clarified, though I couldn't tell if he made any gestures due to my head being in my hands. "You remind me of Asshole Kirito." He pondered aloud, rather randomly.

"And yet the way you wrote me is more like _canon_ Kirito. Dual swords in the finale? _Really? And one was made from the __**faith of my friends?**_"

"Your heart, technically." He corrected. "Hey, at least you didn't keep it past the finale. Would have been awkward trying to justify you going down to one again."

"Oh yes, your _real body wasn't at risk_ bullshit." I sigh. "Just admit you were playing Saints Row 4 at the time and jacked the idea from that."

"That and the Aerosmith song." He took a drink while pointing at me. "Oh and the dubstep cannon. Not Overkill, though. That's just a killer tune."

I massaged my temples. "You pull from the dumbest shit. Like not even _classics_, just whatever you _like._"

"That's a bad thing? Hell, I inspired that one guy to write a Neptunia/VA11-HALL A fic! He even gave me his blessing to use HA-V3N and Lan Cable!"

I blinked. "You did? Shit the bed, this fic is actually worth something."

"_Was_." Hclegend corrected. "We've completely jumped the shark now. Suplexed it even." He winked at nobody in particular.

"And with that, my tolerance for you has gone to zero." I pulled out Peace and shot the bastard in the head, instantly killing him instantly and the bullet embedding itself in the nearby wall as inside the skull was _no brain._

"Even in death, he mocks himself." I sighed and got back to my drink. If he's dead, then I can finally be at peace.

"You know, if you killed the author, that means that this will never be published, right?" Big Neptune started to pack the body back into the bag. "So technically you've just doomed yourself to an eternal hiatus."

"Like _Glimmer In The Mirror_, then?" Starlight Glimmer stepped in from nowhere and grabbed the former author's drink. "Oh and _Glimmer Fortress_, which had a chapter pretty similar to this before its cancellation."

I rolled my eyes at the unnecessary cameo. "Which one are you, then?"

"The former. Latter had a _sweet robot arm_ after it got ripped off by GL1MM3R… Yes folks, this is all real." She sighed as she took a drink. "I think the archive is on FiMFetch if you want to read that 1000 word chapter, forced crossover bullshit."

I blinked. "You serious?"

Starlight shook her head. "Goddesses yes. Team Fortress 2 and My Little Pony in a tonal clash that makes Azur Lane and Neptunia look _fluid_ in comparison… Boats, fluid. Ha."

"Maybe it's for the best that he started to write himself. Stops bastardising a character like you anyway." I said, resigning myself to my fate.

"Oh please, you haven't even _seen_ the amount of communism jokes he's made about me on Discord." She rolled her eyes. "That and I was booked to be in the fic as a cameo during _I F F Y_ but I guess that fell through." She tanked the rest of the drink. "Shame too, sounded cool. Get JRPG esque powers when I'm used to a Y-7 show."

"How's life after FiM, anyway?" I ask the former dictator/time traveller, to which she tossed her hair.

"Rough." Starlight motioned for Jill to make her another drink. "You know Trixie and I didn't even get together canonically, but _Bon Bon and Lyra_ did? Fuck, they got canonically married in the finale! I don't even get anything but ship teases!"

She slammed her fist onto the counter. "Two fucking background ponies get married canonically, but me and Trixie, having on-screen chemestry? Oh _fuck us,_ appeal to the fuckers who only gave a damn to their "relationship" in 2011! Don't even the closest thing to an _actual_ couple a chance… Except for almost-canon AppleDash of course." She ranted, somewhat bitterly.

"Them's the breaks when you're the Dark Horse of your show… Uh, is that racist?" Jill realized her fuckup.

Starlight stared at Jill. "Do I _look_ like a talking unicorn to you? Reminder that I have a canon human form and that's what's being used for this appearance."

"Equestria Girls was just discount magical girl anime." I state, taking a drink. "Sunset Shimmer was cool though."

"Course you'd say that. She's basically me without the communism… By Celestia's asscheeks Hclegend, make that joke again and I'll personally stab you with my fucking horn!" Starlight yelled at nobody in particular.

"Hard to do that when he's dead." I state a fact.

"Nah, he's not dead. Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation." Starlight shook her head. "Nobody else would be stupid enough to continue this."

"Fair point… Where did Neptune go, anyway?" I ponder.

"Setting up his suicide note. His poor mother's going to freak, but _hopefully_ this chapter will never see publication so it can't be used against us in court." Neptune walked back through the locked door. "Oh I totally didn't lock it. How am I meant to lock a door without a fucking key, anyway?"

I raise my finger to object, but for the first time in this chapter, somebody had a reasonable point… And it was **Neptune.**

"Truly we have jumped the shark." I sigh. "Neptune is the sanest of the bunch, a My Little Pony character is getting hammered as we speak and I'm pretty sure we've lost our _entire readership!_"

"Aside from Hclegend himself, obviously." Starlight remarked. "Motherfucker always had an ego."

"Course he has an ego. He's writing a meta chapter of a self insert Neptunia isekai as we speak, probably drinking and thinking to himself "THIS IS FUNNY"... Fucking twat." I snark, to which I got a golden cane with a unicorn on it to the face.

"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT _GOD!_... Where did that come from." Starlight shook her head, before looking at the fancy stick. "Why do I have the **Twicane**? That's a dead meme from a _dead show._"

The sheer absurdity of this retardation was getting to me. "I know this is a "Humor" fic, but this is devolving into straight up parody. Not a good parody like _Airplane_, but "ha ha funny reference" like _Vampires Suck_ or _Meet the Spartans_."

Jill tilted her head in confusion. "Nope. Never heard of those last two."

"Exactly." I take a drink. "We'll be lucky if this gets on TvTropes at this point." I took a moment to take another. "As if _that_ matters. Just another ego booster."

"Well, it is a pretty clear example of in-universe Jumping the Shark." Jill pointed out, having grabbed a bottle of vodka and drank half of it. "Hence me getting _wasted_ on vodka. If we're lucky, this will be cancelled before I lose my license to serve alcohol."

"Big if." I sigh. "Got any Coke for that vodka? I'm in high spirits, so to speak." I deadpan, rolling my eyes at the upteempth pun I've used this chapter. Becoming self-aware was the worst mistake of my life.

"Hoo boy, we talkin' self-aware?" A redhead with a ponytail walked into the bar, _clearly_ underage to be at such a place but her emerald eyes shone with experience. "Hey, I'm Monika. Made that cameo in _I F F Y_, became self-aware that one time, destroyed the universe."

"_And_ clearly underage, but fuck it. Want a Sugar Rush?" Jill offered, to which the redhead nodded.

"I don't drink alcohol anyway. Being a fictional character means that we're all technically ageless, thus alcohol laws don't apply to us, but it's just easier to pretend to be a high-school age student than to explain the metaphysical concept of "The Fourth Wall" every time I try to buy some goddamn alcohol." Monika sighed.

"Amen sister!" Starlight piped up, taking a shot of vodka as she did so.

"I mean it's _fine._ I served a loli robot all the time back home." Jill remarked, cleaning out Starlight's shot glass as she did so. "But Lilim and a clearly _human_ teenage girl are two different things to explain to the authorities."

"Was that the one who was a sex worker?" I ask, taking the chance to finish off my whateverth beer of the evening. "Pile Driver."

"I mean we all know that's the case, but we're just questioning it for anyone who _hasn't_ played VA11-HALL A… Which is apparently a _lot_ of people." Jill answered rather vaguely yet correctly.

"When you think about it, our entire existence is a series of coincidences. The author found Neptunia on a whim, VA11-HALL A was discovered on an anime meme Discord and in terms of popularity, I'm probably the closest thing to a relevant character here." Monika remarked thoughtfully. "I'm technically supposed to be _dead_, but I think the author kept my character file on his PC… Not that the coward played past Sayori-"

"I think people _know_ about _that_." I interrupted. "Don't bring up things like that, it scarred people. Same reason we never mentioned Gehaburn more than like… Once."

"Yeah… Anyway, I was going through his files and found a lot of weird shit. Wanna see?" Monika pulled out a literal file from her "Pocket" and placed it on the counter for everyone to see.

"Of course he had a folder dedicated to pictures of me." Starlight sighed, taking the half-empty bottle of vodka for herself and drinking straight from it. "When he has a passion for something, he goes _way_ too damn far. Like he could have put this amount of work into something actually half decent, rather than making fun for himself for… 3460 words so far."

I mean we're all just sitting here drinking and talking, she had a point. "Then again, aren't the chapters where characters just exchange banter generally regarded as the best, due to the author having watched _way_ too many episodes of… _Insert Fucking Comedy Here?"_

Monika shrugged. "There's a reason it was marked as Humor before Adventure. Even leaving aside the fact that Neptunia fanfics tend to follow the tone of the games, this one goes a step above the usual tones, excluding outliers like this chapter." Monika logically pointed out. "And not to _defend_ the author, but this does have a decent fanbase for a first fanfic."

"_First._" Starlight sarcastically repeated with a dramatic eye roll and another drink of vodka. "His technical first fanfic was a Christmas Carol parody that is half the length of this chapter _so far_, written in one night with no proofreading and on a fucking _Wii U._"

"A what." Monika tilted her head. "Never heard of one."

"**EXACTLY!**" Starlight slammed her hands on the table. "And the best part is that he didn't even get the holiday right, because he was still watching the show for the first time. It's Hearthswarming you _FUCKING HACK!_"

"Jeez, that's some self-hatred… When was that released, December 2014?"

"I wasn't even _canon_ back then… You know, it's kinda weird that my reformation and Undertale came out within like… A month of each other."

"And Megadimension Neptunia VII, which featured a very similar concept." Monika remakred, finishing off her drink. "Course he wouldn't find _that_ out for another three years. He wasted his early adulthood on _ponies…_"

"Fuck you too." Starlight had her head on the bar, but still flipped Monika the bird. "Neptunia ain't exactly high art if you haven't noticed."

"Meanwhile I've just realized this is a four way crossover between a niche RPG series, a visual novel, a psychological horror _disguised_ as a visual novel and a children's cartoon show." Jill remarked thoughtfully as she took out a bottle of rum and started to drink straight from that. "Next will be a harem anime."

"Kotori's underage." Monika retorted. "I know the visual novels published by Idea Factory age her and other "loli" characters to be "over 18" but come on… She's like 14. I'm on the borderline because I'm in _high school_ and having Medium Awareness, but Idea Factory are just taking the piss if she's _18._"

"This reminds me of _Sankaku Renai_. Pretty self-aware about itself, breaking the fourth wall all the time, constantly referencing tropes and shit. It's the Neptunia of VNs." I murmur to myself, taking a drink.

"Next thing you know that Cicini girl from _Rabi-Ribi_ will be kicking down the door, demanding revenge from that Brick Joke from _Koei Der Toten._" Monika sighed. "3… 2… 1…"

But nothing happened, as the joke had been ruined. Good work.

"_Rabi-Ribi_ is pretty good from what I hear." Jill remarked. "Once you get past none of the characters wearing pants, it's a solid metroidvania with a neat gimmick in the bullet hell gameplay. Killer OST too. It's a shame that the almost parody nature of its aesthetic will turn a lot of people off. Mostly because again, nobody wears pants."

"Just like Neptunia." I compared the two internally, before realizing that we were originally talking about the fact that this was a dumb crossover. "Well, I think I've had enough to drink. I'm talking to a self-aware visual novel character, a My Little Pony character and my bartender, someone who has been in this story since _The Obligatory Drinking Chapter_ and yet this still isn't a crossover… _somehow._" I got up from my chair. "Now excuse me, I'm going to my vaguely described apartment to bang my girlfriend, the anime incarnation of the game's publisher."

"Stay safe." Jill said with some legitimate concern.

I blew her off. "Oh don't worry. Maybe I'll use my battlecruiser waifu to drive me home instead of walking." I sarcastically remark as I headed towards the door. "Why not! We've already referenced that gacha garbage before in this trainwreck! Even had Hood make a cameo along with Monika over there! Clearly this hasn't gone far enough yet!"

Jill sighed. "Yeah… But hey, this is clearly non-canon and just written for fun."

I shook my head. "Better fucking be. Or I won't sign up for that sequel."

I proceeded to leave Celestia, head home and fuck IF silly.

**Game Over**

* * *

**A/N:** Well, hope you enjoyed this trash fire. If you didn't already realize, this isn't canon. Unlike _Koei Der Toten_, I am **NOT **going back on this. Ever. This is too stupid, even for me.


End file.
